The Multiple Choice

Monicque Abby is right on all counts. Its pointless me going over old ground. Let me give you some positives. Great read and a nice flow to it. I dont like Ghosty stuff as a rule but found myself enjoying this book. Well told story with a good pace to throughout. Well done and good luck with it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Crazy story. I love ghost nd time travel stories -my two favorites. The writing is pretty good and there is constant action. The chapters are a good length, some may be a little short for a book. But I think editing is needed. In the first chapter it is very repetitive. You keep repeating "am I dead," "who is that man" and twice you wrote, almost verbatim about forgetting what you read about to do when you die. The repetitiveness takes over the tension of the chapter and just makes it tedious. Go back through that, maybe read it out loud. The other chapters are better in that respect but are mostly all dialogue. While that helps with the pace some narrative is good.

Good start.

Abby

Intriguing,

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

The Multiple Choice at face value seems to have a number of elements mixed together such as murder, revenge, spiritualism, travels to another world etc but it all works very nicely. There are many books out there with this kind of theme but you have managed to put a unique twist on things by giving Amelia a chance to change things after she has died. The beginning is very strong and we are sucked straight away into the terror that Amelia is feeling when she is being strangled and then the realisation that she is about to die followed by confusion about what death should be all about. Her Guardian Angel Joe is a great character. I would have wanted to give him a big hug if I had been there with him and in that predicament! I have only read up to chapter 3 but the story kept me wanting to turn the page so that is a compliment to your style of writing. Six stars awarded. Perhaps you would like to check out my novel Pain. This also deals with untimely death and the way the living connect with the dead although mine is focused around a child rather than an adult.

Kim (Pain)

Monicque,

I know you've classified The Multiple Choice as Thriller, Horror, and Sci-Fi, but dying and going to the '80s is a great comic idea.

Opening with the protagonist reporting on her own death is genius -- how could the reader not keep turning the pages? Amelia's experience of the afterlife is also imaginative, in that it doesn't feel that much different from life, at least at first. The opportunity to change things is appealing and relatable -- who hasn't thought about things they'd do differently if they had the chance? But you have to consider the consequences . . . Amelia wants to solve the mystery of her murder, but the real mystery here is death itself.

I really liked Joe's line, "Just because you're dead, it doesn't mean your life is over." Amelia's little detail of playing netball on Tuesdays is poignant and real. Who has time to be dead, right? Your short chapters really propel things along.

In 4 chapters, I found very little to nitpick. I noted two items in chapter 1:

In my opinion, "excrutiating" is strong enough on its own and doesn't need the adverb "incredibly."

I kicked him in the chins should be I kicked him in the shins.

Nice work!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
ENDURANCE
TIME SQUARED

I really enjoyed your take on the afterlife. This didn't leave much of a chance to breathe. I did find it strange at first to have this much action in such a short time but this seems like the style now a days. I'm more use to leisurely openings but I'm old.

I'll read some more and let you know what I think.

Hi, Monique. Here's some thoughts I had as I read the first half dozen chapters..

Chapter 1 - I admit my heart sank a little when I started reading - the idea of starting a book with a death is a little cliche - but that's one heck of an introduction. Taut prose, very well written (I could quible about a couple of word choices, no more) ... it left me fully engaged in the story and eager to read on.

Chapter 2 - the meeting with Joe, in particular the dialogue, is very well handled. I particularly like the way Joe only gives out enough information/backstory to meet the immediate needs of the reader.

Chapter 3 - 'ute' = utility vehicle, yes? (Had to look that one up). Nice reveal about why Amelia has split from her husband. So far there's been nothing that's jarred me out of the read. Even though the story runs without break between these first 3 chapters, I think it's a good idea to break them where you have - if only to make reading the book on an eReader easier.

Chapter 4, 5, 6, 7 - no let-down in the quality of the writing. Excellent progression, Tension well-handled. To be honest, there's nothing here I can offer critique on. The only question I can think of is (assuming the rest of the book keeps up these standards): when is it due to be published?

Many thanks for taking the time to comment on my book ages back - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to reciprocate. And best wishes with taking this book forward.

Deserves another shot from me as this is strong writing and enjoyable. I have rewritten much of mine, reposted and slipped right down! Hope you can reciprocate.
Kevin

Fantastic introduction and a fascinating account of 'death', Monicque. The character's situation generates a vast amount of instantaneous sympathy as it touches a fear we can all empathise with - the fear of intrusion into our homes. Very powerful, emotive and, actually, fast-paced writing, from what I have read so far.

Congratulations. And I particularly enjoyed your author's bio - informative AND entertaining!

TJB

Good pitch and very readable first chapter that hooks and makes the reader just want to see what happens. That's the sign of a good story. Best of luck with it. Ian

THE MULTIPLE CHOICE
hullo Monicque. An interesting concept of demise and the follow-up. at least there shouldn't be anyone to tell you that it will not occur in the way that you describe. I haven't been able to read it all yet but I am working on it and moving yours toward the major shelf. Yours is starred too so don't forget mine! LLL

Monicque

Nope, I have no idea how it will end - and I don't think you do either. But aren't you having fun?Just like your readers! The originality here is brilliant. It is so intense, and so full of sudden twists and short, swift switches that you maybe ought to keep your eye on 75 - 80,000. It is roller-coaster stuff and any more could leave your reader tipping into feeling it is all too much.

The early chapters - I like the slick, short early chapters which suit this story perfectly - and they are better edited than the later ones, which are plainly as they dripped off your fingers. One thing to watch, though, are your pronouns. 'I am the subject of the sentence. Everywhere else I become me,' is a good motto to keep you right. So 'from Sam and me' not 'from I'. Where you have two people doing something try making each do it. Rick and me... went out. (I made that up but something like it appears in a few places) Rick went out, yes. Me went out - no. So Rick and I went out. It is the same with the other cases, he, she, they.

Your cover is striking, especially as a thumbnail among so many on this site. With the title, I would be inclined to drop The, just because it is not necessary. The pitch is effective - except for the last sentence. It does not sound too good to appear to praise yourself. On the back of a book a phrase like that would have been a quote from somebody else. The pitch, although used here to pull the others on the site in, is really aimed at an agent, so let him or her judge whether the excitement is effective by making your approach clinically business-like. We shall make our judgements too. And yes, it is an exciting read, and I shall star highly, not because it necessarily has that much depth but because I think it sparkles in a way which may lead to real success. Good luck with it. I hope I learn how Amelia's quest is resolved before too long!

Margaret Woodward : Kilbaddy

There are a few things I would change in the dialogue and her inner monologue but I'm not going to say what they are. It's just personal to me. I'm mindful that it's someone elses work and I don't want to influence it in any way. It's an absolutely fantastic piece of writing and I will definitely read more when it is posted - hopefully you'll upload the remainder when it is finished.

It is very pacy and you have to concentrate in case the story runs away from you. I'm glad I shelved and read this, it is well worthy of a high rank. Good luck with the remainder.

Gary Sweeney Some Time In New York.

Monicque
Your intriguing and powerful first chapter, together with a lively writing style, immediately captured my interest, pulled me in and kept me reading. I've read six chapters and my interest has not flagged once. I am putting it on my W/L pending space becoming available on my shelf.

Nitpicks: " I couldn't remember what religion ..." is repeated in chapter 1.
Amelia has already bought herself a drink in chapter 2 but seems to have forgotten it in chapter 3.
I think the use of words such as 'fuck' cheapens a novel, unless their use is absolutely in keeping with the character speaking; but that is only my own view.
Best wishes
William (The Caves of Caerdraig)

I really like this story. It's very interesting, and pulls the reader right in! The details aren't too much for this type of story, and it goes along like a dream. Very well done, I'm impressed. Unfortunately due to house rules, I won't be able to continue because of language, but perhaps in the future! I sincerely hope you get published! God bless!
I look forward to any comments on Alexis you might have. Have a great day.

--Shieldmaiden

Hi again Monicque,

After having you on my shelf for about 3 weeks, I'm finally here to leave a comment. So sorry for the delay, but I've been stupidly busy lately and just haven't been able to get on authonomy. :(

I'll comment as I read since I find that the easiest way to keep track. OK I guess I better get started . :)

Chapter 1:

Good start. You've got my attention right from the 1st sentence. Chilling scene with the murder, especially when I learn he knows her name. And I really feel her terror and confusion as she looks at her own dead body. Very weird that she can interact with the physical world as a ghost. I'm intrigued. What's going on?

Chapter 2:

I like the idea of the lights in the sky being gateways to other worlds. And Joe seems like an interesting character. Ah the plot thickens when he asks if she would change things about her life if she could. Why do I get the feeling that taking his offer might turn out to be a lot more complicated than expected? ...

Chapter 3:

I like the fact the only real sign she's dead at this point is the beams. The almost-normal feel's eerie. I can really picture the scene, and I think the regular landscape scattered with the beams of light stretching to the heavens would look great on film. I wonder why he drops her at the nightclub. I'm guessing this place must be more than it seems. ;)

Chapter 4:

Hmmm looks like the nightclub is from a past time. I guess it too is "dead" in a sense. Has she travelled back in time?

Chapter 5:

I like the little details that hint at the date. Good way of easing the reader into the previous time. Shock chapter end, meeting Charlie. Does that mean he's dead too? Or is she trapped in her memories? Is she in some alternate world? Lots of possibilities. Interesting.

Chapter 6:

The meeting with Kim was unpleasant. Nasty piece of work grrrr. Hmmm things are getting odder here. How's Kim know she's dead? Maybe all this is somehow in Amelia's head. Or is Kim dead too? There are some interesting hints at dark secrets. By the end of the chapter, I'm more confused than ever and want to read on to unravel this intriguing story. :)

OK sadly I'm out of time and need to sum up. :(

I enjoyed this v much. Your book's v readble and moreish. It's simply written, but all the more effective because of that. The key idea's solid, and I think there's a v cinematic feel to your scenes. I can see this working just as well in film form as in book form.

I'm glad I've had you on my shelf for a good while. I'd like to see this get spotted and published. I'm giving you plenty of stars right now to try and give a little extra nudge.

Good luck. :)

Pete

Like others here, this is not something I would usually read, but I found myself strangely hooked. However - and this may be because I also write screenplays - I felt that this would make an excellent film - more so, in my opinion, than a book. Could really feel your characters, not an easy thing to do, so well done.

Monicque,

Interesting premise but after the second time of 'jumping' into another period of time it becomes like Quantum Leap.
Maybe as a very short story or an essay this could work but to expand and keep leaping doesn't hold the readers attention.
Some of the situations are quite amusing but they are relatively normal and most people would encounter them in one form or another.
Sorry but i think this could be so much better.
The style and the dialougue are what keeps the reader moving forward and that is not an easy thing to accomplish.
i would suggest playing to your strengths.

:)
Diane

This book is creepy, but awesome. I was completely into it and had to force my eyes away. I will definitely be reading more and sad to say, there's nothing I can contribute to make it better. It's great! Good job!

"The Multiple Choice" - Monicque Sharman. I read the 1st 2 chapters and scanned several comments. Interesting twist on "Ghost" movie added to change past/change present/future sci-fi scenario. Worth a short trip to my shelf. One suggestion: have Joe or someone explain the "rules" of the place sooner. Hope this helps.

Gideon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")

Hi Monicque

What a great opening, the first line is certainly different. I like the premise of this, seeing things from the other side and it gives you free reign to pretty much write how you like.

I only stumbled on one error in the first chapter - 'chins and feet' - shins

I did find it a little I, I, I, which is always a danger with first person narratives. There are some places where this could be altered to make it a little less repetitive I think. For example, I felt many hands pressing the sides of my body. I was fully alert. The hands pushed me. I rolled off the bed and crashed onto the floor, gulping for air.
This could be re-written removing some of the I's. - Feeling many hands pressing the sides of my body, I became fully alert. The hands pushed me, rolling me off the bed and sending me crashing to the floor, gulping for air.

Just a suggestion, though. And hey, you're number 17, so who am I to say?

Good luck on your run to the ED with this :)

Silva

I think I commented on this once already and it was on my shelf for a while. I read further and it only confirmed to me that after the end of the month when the 5 are safely whisked away for review, I'm putting this back up to go the distance. I really like your style of writing and I relate very well to your MC.

Your first chapter totally drew me in, and I could not help but read more, much more. I absolutely love Amelia - her personality shines and she is quite a realistic and believable character. Excellent dialog and narrative. Great book, can't wait to see it on bookstore shelves!

Backed with loads of stars!
Justis Call
Snow Bound

only had time to read the first chapter, but I love it, I will be back for more, well done

need more mony monster,

MULTIPLE CHOICE - To write such a stunning book as this one I thought you needed to be on some powerful mind altering substance. The opening Chapter transmits that sense to the reader. But I am not aware of any drug that could sustain the consistency of quality writing right through the 21 Chapters posted. No: the gripping impression is that of a dream-scape writ large by a superbly controlled literary imagination. Thank goodness the author was not disturbed in translating her visionary experience to paper and ink, like Samuel Taylor Coleridge was with Kubla Khan. The skill is accentuated by the use of short chapters where transpositions of time, space and situation meld and separate in a dynamic and intoxicating blend of magnetic forces that lock on to the reader's concentration. All the authorial skills are displayed. Monicque! Normally I swat aside unsolicited approaches to read books on this site: I am quite confident and capable in choosing for myself. Even so, I am more than glad that you asked me to look at Multiple Choice: moreover I am delighted with the opportunity and reckon you have a definite winner. Six stars: ******. I will Back it as soon as I can discharge present claims for space on my Bookshelf. Meanwhile, I am going to take a look at your second book posted. Whenever, starved of sex, evil, distorted dreams, violence etc., you can't top The Holy Bible. I have a distinct feeling I will not be disappointed. Tony Brady. SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

As I've just read this is not my normal reading material either- but this is great - well done and good luck!


Faith Mortimer
The Assassins Village and The Crossing
Both in paperback and eBooks

Hello Monicque!

This is not my normal genre, but I gotta tell you...Your writing is INTENSE! What amazing description! This is definitely a "Can't-put-it-downer!"

You have one of the most entertaining pitches that I have seen on this site.

Best one liner: "Some bastard murdered me!"

May this go to number one this month!!!!

Blessings.

James

This is flying up the rankings and I can see why ... it has winner written all over it .

i will read more xx

The Multiple Choice is a well written, uniquely crafted book. Amelia is dead, but who killed her? The first chapter is adrenalin laced―beautifully structured and frightening. The idea of gateways through beams of light is intriguing and casts an excellent visual in these first chapters. Amelia’s desire to call Sam or Ricky conveys a sense of desperation all readers will identify with. I think you have handled these opening chapters brilliantly. We want her to succeed and we want her to get revenge. But she seems locked in this other world, although as I read it, I can’t help thinking she will find a way. There is hope within that anguish. It makes this book intoxicating and hard to put down. The pluses about this book are the short chapters. It propels us through time with lightening speed. And then there’s Charlie. I read to chapter 7 with ease. I think you have a winner here! Highly starred and on w/l. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs

I found myself enjoying this. Right off I was attracted by its surreal, almost hallucinagenic pacing and an intriguing confusion of where it was going. I found it nicely handled but never losing its edge.. veru much worth reading and certainly backing.

Hi Monicque,

Thanks for your message sending me to "The Multiple Choice," which I'm now reading with pleasure and admiration. Those must have been good books on writing, since you've certainly learned your craft. Even more important, you have a vivid imagination and a talent for seizing and holding your reader.

Couldn't you find a better portrait, though? I glimpse a pretty woman under all that smudge. And i can't help nit-picking a little. In your pitch, please move the word "to" ["forced to me"} from paragraph 9 to {"want think"] in the next to last paragraph. And didn't you mean "brought" in {"bought my good black heels"]? If you want my advice for your well-chosen career, check out every word you write.

Now could I ask you to take a look at "The Doctor of Summitville," a realistic love story with a background of country medicine between the two World Wars? Although I've spent years writing and editing it, I still welcome suggestions and find many helpful.

Best of luck, Monicque. I'll return after reading more of your exciting book. --Bill

Very digestible. Short chapters. Intriguing. Made for on-line reading. Reminds me of James Patterson. You seem to be flying up the charts. Well done. Don't think you'll need my help but if you need a little push a little closer to the end of month drop me a note.
Norton

Monicque, Multiple Choice is not my choice for reading, but I can see that it will appeal to many people. It starts with a shock and just keeps shocking. Best wishes for your success.
M. Wilhelmsen
Exact Places

The Multiple Choice moves at a break-neck pace, driven by the rapid fire dialogue and short chapters. It has a strangely compelling rhythm as it darts back and forth with all the time shifts - now, then, now, later ... future, present, past. But do we ever really know which is which? It could be confusing but in the hands of this very competent writer it rarely is. The style is immensely readably with very few errors or typos.

Minor points - I started to become a little exhausted by the sheer pace of the narrative around chapter 18 or 19 and had to stop. Maybe at some point you might like to think about a "breather" for the reader around half way, and for your characters. Only you can make that decision of course.

You make the point that Amelia is "ditzy" - a very American word to my ears, not one commonly used in Aus, but it usually describes someone rather scatterbrained, your stereotypical dumb blonde perhaps. So I think you may be doing Amelia a disservice with that term.

The end? my guess is I think she is a patient in a mental institution and the whole story is a construct of a psychologically disturbed woman.

A splendid and unusual concept. Well done, fellow Aussie!

Tonia
Blue Diamonds

This book is sooooooooo entertaining and only 21 chapters I get. I want more! Why isn't this book already published like yesterday! It should be on bookshelves already! If anything Harper Collins editors really need to check this book out and just publish it by the mass quantity. I love the book cover also. Very nice! Good luck Monicque this book will get published in the future somewhere and that is for sure. :)

This story keeps you reading nonstop for it is so entertaining. Only 21 chapters! I want more! A must read for Harper Collins editors and I hope they will publish it also! It should have been in bookstores yesterday! I also love the bookcover. It is done very well! I wish you all the best Monicque and I hope I get a signed copy when you are published!

Just read a little due to time but LOVED it and almost got stuck regardless of time constraints. Not many can do that to me but you managed, good job! I WL you because my shelf is full and rated you. You definitely wrote a goody, lol. Denise

The Multiple Choice. (Can one have a multiple choice or should the title be Multiple Choices? Just a thought!)
Pitch
Your pitch is good and an interesting idea for a book. I would take out the word 'ditzy'. It is a bit too chick lit for the genres you are in. I know that, later on, she is called ditzy. That's OK but for the first line of your pitch, I'm not sure.
'the man that strangles Anna to death'. You already told us that she is dead so you could leave out 'to death'.
Chapter 1
Good beginning, exciting, well paced and straight into the action.
Chapter 2
'A beam, like the one at my place stopped halfway down the Mountain. A few others were (to) the right of it.'
The story moves on at a good pace.
Chapter 3
I would leave out 'big, black' and just say stranger. Maybe more PC?
Good short and fast paced chapter. I do agree with another comment though that she would be more panicked when he took her into town. After all she's already been attacked once that night.
Chapter 4
Good description of the club, the music etc. I would suggest writing 'smoking inside the club' as, 'smoking inside' made me wonder if we were entering zombie horror territory.
Chapter 5
'people I recognised' - people I might recognise.(?)
'I could rush while he won't go to the bar'. I found the meaning obscure.
Chapter 6
Here I started to become confused. It seemed to be a little repetetive but maybe that's just me. I'm not good with 'back to the future' concepts.
Chapter 7
Great atmosphere and good characterisation..
Chapter 8
This ended with a good hook into the rest of the book.
That is all I have read so far. This is not the sort of book I would normally read but it is intriguing and well written and I wish you well with it.
Fontaine.

Hi Monique

Since time travel and parallel worlds are favourite themes of mine, it isn't surprising that I'm really enjoying this. I've read 8 chapters so far and am eager to read on. It's such an intriguing and unique approach. Once the current crop of books have reached the editors' notice, I intend to make some room on my bookshelf to put The Multiple Choice on.
Have you had a look at Time and Time Again? In that, the principal character travels repeatedly back in time, on each occasion changing the future - sometimes with positive outcomes and at other times negative.
And my 'Wireless Children' trilogy deals with parallel worlds or multiple universes.

Anyway, I wish you success with this book.

Cheers
Rick

Hi Monicque

I thoroughly enjoyed the beginning of The Multiple Choice. Your writing flows and I was gripped by what Amela was experiencing. Your pitch has me hooked and I'll definitely be back for more soon. Well done!

Regards
Marie

What and amazing book! I sat to look at the first chapters and now sit at the end of chapter 21 wondering what will happen next. The structure and flow are effortless, a very easy read to follow. It makes one questions what is possible in the afterlife. There were a few areas i stumbled with Amelia's calm reactions. Where she takes a swim in the lake at her wedding...that just didn't seem like something one would do when having the ability to change her life path. It seemed almost out of place that she'd simply trust in Rick to make the proper changes, especially after he'd hurt her.

This is simply a great read that left me questioning how it would all play out.
Backed and star'd highest marks.

Good luck,
Wendy

I am intrigued by the story. I'm about halfway through and I am curious about how you will tie it together at the end. You describe events and people well - and the "glone" is a unique idea.

I am intrigued by the story. I'm about halfway through and I am curious about how you will tie it together at the end. You describe events and people well - and the "glone" is a unique idea.

Wow, I could not stop reading your book. Chapter by chapter you had me reading 16 chapters in one night. I enjoyed the motion, fast paced, tense and different to ordinary. Your writing style is perfect for this story. Well best of luck. Fully rated.

Good luck
Daniela (Water Goblin)

Hi Monicque,

Fabulous work! The Multiple Choice sets a great pace, beginning with the horrific death scene. I like how Amelia has more questions than answers, effectively hooking the reader into her story. I look forward to one day reading the outcome! Well done and best of luck!

(Stars and backing for you!) :)

Deb

Monicque, Nothing could have been further from my choice of reading than this book. Yet its perfect title explains my enthusiasm for it now, and I've read through 9 chapters, and would like to go on. But first, what I soon discovered was not horror or terror, but intrigue, mystery - perhaps a new kind of "magical realism? - all based on our human curiosity about the after-life. And the narrative has an easy informative flow, which is punctuated and deepened by Amelia's own italicised remarks, questions and emotional responses, which prompt our understanding, Then the dialogues signal the characters' contrasting claims, their personal attraction or lack of it, and ultimately present us with The Multiple Choice.
What also strikes me is a strong flavour of H.G.Wells' "The Time Machine" and "The Invisible Man". That may be irrelevant, but in my own opinion it is certainly a plus.
High stars for a remarkable piece of work, and WL for a backing asap.
David Grant
"Pompey Chimes"

Okaaay... This works really well. Bounces, sort of. Good sue of minimal text and descriptions. Just enough and we are moved along rapidly.

Awesome

Monicque,

No wonder it's at #23...this is great! I only read the first two chapters, but I'll be back for more, guaranteed. The "battle" with herself unsure of her state of being is excellent.

Good Luck

Gretchen