The Lesson

You continue to amaze me with your writing style. The more I read the more I am intrigued by what you have written. Your dialogue and descriptive writing draw in the reader. Best of luck with this book. This is such a great storyline and a must read. Thank you again for you support of December Gold.

Very interesting read and had me intrigued from the start. I could only read the - time permitting- requisite 2 chapters I am giving myself, due to return read commitments. But what I did read I enjoyed immensely.
Highly related by this reader.
David

As promised I have read several chapters of your book. You have a powerful story here. The way the lives of the different people intermingle is great and the message of forgiveness being such a healer is lovely. I loved the exchange between Robert and Lydia in chapter 10 and the simple 'I forgive you Robert' - if only we could all do that!

I did spot a couple of minor errors in the first chapter - but things like this are easily corrected with a proof read. 'They will take care of your medications, notate your file of any side effects' - I think should read 'notate your file with any side effects?' And then there is a capital A in 'There is still time for forgiveness And closure.' I only point these out because I happened to spot them but then as I became involved with the story I was so busy reading I didn't find anything else!

All the best with your book and God Bless

Margaret Weston - How do I know I know God?

Hi Jen,
Thanks for backing 'SURVIVAL GUIDE for Christians. 'THE LESSON' is wonderful. I'm up to Chapter 10 now and don't want to put it down, but I'm trying to read other books at the same time.

Hi again,
I'd really appreciate it if you'd have a read of my book, 'Survival Guide for Christians'. I'm sure you would also like Audrey's book 'Forgiveness Fits'.

Dear Jennifer,
I was going to read a couple of chapters of your book, but I've read five so far, and I'm going to have to read the rest. Your storyline has a natural flow that begs the reader to discover the next installment. It is not as dramatic as some other books I've read, but the message of forgiveness is clear and relevant to so many hurting teens today. I am putting it on my bookshelf with five stars.
Have you visited the Christian book review and critique forum, started by Audrey B, who wrote 'Forgiveness Fits'? I think she would like your book, as she teaches teens who would certainly relate to this story.

Dear Jennifer,
I was going to read a couple of chapters of your book, but I've read five so far, and I'm going to have to read the rest. Your storyline has a natural flow that begs the reader to discover the next installment. It is not as dramatic as some other books I've read, but the message of forgiveness is clear and relevant to so many hurting teens today. I am putting it on my bookshelf with five stars.
Have you visited the Christian book review and critique forum, started by Audrey B, who wrote 'Forgiveness Fits'? I think she would like your book, as she teaches teens who would certainly relate to this story.

Dear Jennifer,

I've read Chapters 1 and 2, and generally I think this is well written. You situate the characters and their immediate feelings well. I haven't read further but I'm hoping that there will be more depth to them as the story continues. To be honest, it isn't really my sort of book (which is why I didn't read on) but I can see that it would attract a niche market of the Christian variety.

At the beginning I felt like I needed more from of a reaction from the main character (the prisoner). He seemed quite relaxed about being told that he thought he was going to die, I thought. I also thought that you shouldn't make it quite so obvious that the figure at the end of Chapter 1 is an angel. I thought it would provide a bit more intrigue to make him/her more human-like and keep the reader guessing as to what their role is.

I hope my comments were of use. I look forward to hearing what you might have to say about mine. I've put your on my WL.

Best wishes,

Sarah

Reminds me of when I was a teenager and we had what was called RIOT on Friday nights. It also hits home because I am 12 years sober, just finished a master's degree in Biblical Counseling and in the process of getting my ministry credentials. This book is right up my alley. I only saw two places where you might change something and both of them are in your pitch. It reads: But can he help her, when his past __still; there should be an is where the underscore is. And the and before closure does not need to be capitalized.
You are definitely a talented writer and you have a great story. Lacy

Well written and intriguing.

Great plot, I loved how you described the summary of your book and the situation at hand!

I've read ch 1 and 2. It's well written. In ch 2 I found 'his heart stilled' - his heart throbbed perhaprs?
and 'for a time like this''''.
Backed.
Hope you'll read mine.

I read the first two chapters and it is very well written. I tend to lean toward faster paced stories and I found myself wanting to get into the meat of the story a little sooner but that’s just me. You are a great writer and have a good sense of rhythm. Good luck with this one, I think you will be successful.

Just read the first 3 chapters of your book.
I have to say, in my opinion, it is very well written and thought provoking.
I must admit that I'm not a religious person and that when the story was being read to the youth group, I kind of heard white noise mixed with the teacher's voice in Charlie Brown. However I understand that it was required as part of your text.
I'm giving this top stars and wish you good luck with it!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

Firt of all , You have been given an excellent and unique vision from God. I love what I have read so far. From my book, most would, and have assumed that I am not a God fearing person Once they read my book in it's entirety it will all come together. But not only are you a gifted writer, but you are a teacher through books. Keep up thr GREAT work .

Hi Jen. It's well written and has the potential to cross over from a niche market to more mainstream. I haven't read the previous book but will take a look. It's funny because the Jeremiah quote (29:11) features strongly in my own book 'Suicide Vacation'. Best of luck. Rich.

Despite not being Christian, Ive enjoyed the first two chapters of this book! Its heartearming at times and mysterious at others. Your writing reads fast and smoothly and your dialogue is flawless. There are some parts where you capitalize a word in the middle of a sentence but I'm guessing that's for emphasis? I've met kids my age like Brandon before that are really mature for their age, however I was in a youth group not so long ago and not all the kids are as sugar coated as you make them seem. Other than that, I genuinely like this!

Highly starred and the best of luck :)

Jennifer, you have created characters that as a reader I care about; I feel sadness for the pain they are going through and moved by Chloe's blood seeping bandage as she appears before Brandon. You have a clear voice as a writer and a style that is easy to follow. Have enjoyed the chapters I have read so far. Maria:)

after reading your first book, I am very excited to read The Lesson.

Read through chapter 4. You are a good writer, smooth, no awkward sentences. Your storyline is wonderful. I do wish Brandon had a little resistance in the youth group. It's too perfect to be believable. Perhaps you could have a couple of teens in the back who've only come for the free food and x-box. They don't pay any attention to the lesson, and instead, are making out hot and heavy in the back! LOL!
I also thought it would be easy to forgive Robert because he's said he's sorry...but I see you're going to give both sides of the story, one easier to forgive, one not so easy to forgive...I love the fact that Brandon and Chloe are going to learn from each other...LOVE that! Loved it when Brandon shared his own pain with Chloe. But I don't think a seventeen year old would use the words, "exquisite, enthralled." You might want to change some of the dialog to better reflect the talk of a 17 year old.
Your story has touched me this evening. I need to forgive someone in my life. Forgiveness is a process, a process that sometimes never ends....but for me, it's the little annoying things I sometimes forget to forgive in others. Thank you for the valuable lesson!
Highly starred and watchlisted for now... Blessings! Georgia
The Woman From E.A.R.L.

I really love this book, as it talks about forgiving others even when theyre not sorry. Allen is a jerk. Definately a compare/contrast with Allen and Robert.

Read the first two chapters.
IT is a sad start off, but it is good.
You have a good story going for you here as well as a good plot started. You write really well.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

YARG REVIEW

Hi Jennifer,

I'm writing this up as a YA review since it has a young adult feel to it.

Your writing is polished and this is an easy read with a nice flow. I thought Brandon's remarks in front of the youth group were great and you made it seem like he had an easy rapport with the kids. Way to go. The description of what teens do in youth group at church was spot on - your experience served you well in writing this scene.

There were a few things - not many - that took me out of the story. Take what you can use of my suggestions and throw the others out as this writing thing is all subjective.

Chapter 1 - "I find that I am starving." To me, his language is stilted for a young guy who is working with kids. . "I'm starving." Might sound better for his character

The stilted or more formal language for the angel sounds right on.

Chapter 2 - Same thing when he asks Chloe "What is your name." "What's your name?" would put her more at ease than more proper English.

Chapter 3 - You switched verb tense - "The two men sit (sat) down.

Chapter 4 - Chloe's speech doesn't ring true for her age. I don't know any teens who would use the words exquisite or enthralled.

If you're wanting to make this a good read for teens, you might want to make her character more realistic - YA readers will throw you under the bus if it doesn't ring true.

I checked out your website and video trailer for your other book - very professional and well done! Good luck
with your writing.

I'm giving you high stars and you're on my watch list !
~Kady Colter
Shakespeare's Pink Cadillac

Hi Jennifer-Read the last few chapters you've posted. And you continue to deliver a 6 star Christian novel. My only suggestion would be to use the character's name once in every paragraph and then shift to pronoun of she/he. The last few in Chapter 13 were somewhat obvious that you were talking about Chloe, but her name mentioned would be more clear. Terrific book and wish you all the best in your publishing endeavors. You've got a great story! And your website is very professional.
Dina from Halo and BAd Juju

Hello Jennifer:

This is a tremendously powerful book because forgiveness is an issue with which all people must come to terms to varying degrees. Forgiveness cannot be over-emphasized.

I have a couple comments:

1. I would rethink opening the book with a medical term which most have never heard of. The term has too much of technical ring to it. The term is defined in the text, but does not carry the same terrifying impact as say, "Cancer" or "AIDS."

2. I think that the main hurdle you may have to overcome in publication is that the book does tend to be steeped heavily in church culture-"churchianity" as it were, and your audience may be somewhat limited primarily to a Christian audience; that may be your goal, after all, but if you do in fact want to cross over to more of a non-believing audience, you may need to think about how to revise the narrative.

Blessings to you and may this book bear much fruit in many lives.

James

Jen-My hats off to you. You're tackling a very heavy topic. You've taken some extreme cases-Brandon and Chloe-and used them as a teaching tool for forgiveness. People won't forgive others for little things like being rude, etc. let alone things that can ruin someone's life. Finished everything you wrote and again, it's a clear, simplistic story to read with a much deeper meaning. Still 6 stars and still a fan! Wish you luck.

Hi Jen-Just read chapter 9 and you continue on with an interesting, clear story. Enjoying the whole Chloe subplot, and waiting for Brandon to make his move w/Amelia. Great story-telling.
Dina

Read 7 and 8. Jen-a true pleasure. As a Christian, forgiveness has always been the hardest part of the religion. You've fictionalized a great topic. Very inspiring, entertaining, and well written. I wish I could offer you a better critique, but I became too absorbed in the story to notice anything that could be revised. As I was reading, I couldn't believe Robert was complaining about the dog. I saw how he caught himself, but that right there would have done it for me with a very loud 'get out!' Also like the subplot going with the abused girl. 6 stars and hope you get published.
Dina

Chapter 6-Great job in character building Amelia. Also like how you incorporated your love of Newfies into the story-they are so beautiful! This book is really terrific. Can see it being published by a Christian publisher.
Dina

Wow!!!! Read chapter 4 and need a Kleenex! You have a gift at stirring up emotions. Great stuff, Jen. Really emphasizes how hard forgiveness can be. Look forward to the next chapter.
Dina

If I can get people to feel the pain of abuse victims and can relate to them, that's great. My purpose for writing Full Circle is to help people forgive those that have hurt them, in big ways or small. When we forgive, it only helps us. Forgiveness is really for the offended, not the offender. It helps bring healing. Although I was never abused as a child, my story lies in Amelia. You will read more on her later, but I was the one in an abusive relationship and it took time to be able to trust again.

Chapter 5-Awesome! Sense a love story coming on w/Brandon and the nurse. This level of forgiveness is really amazing. Only critique is the POV between Amelia and Brandon at the restaurant. It's still very clear and not confusing, but sometimes you write what's going on in her head and then write what's going on his head. Not sure if that matters, but seems to be something the HarperCollin people pick-up on. Will read the next chapters over the weekend. Excellent book. Excellent topic. Dina

Wow!!!! Read chapter 4 and need a Kleenex! You have a gift at stirring up emotions. Great stuff, Jen. Really emphasizes how hard forgiveness can be. Look forward to the next chapter.
Dina

Hi Jen-Read part of this before, but reread chapter 3 and will read more during the week. This really hits home for me. My dad is sort of like Brandon's and has recently came into my life as if he was father of the year. It's hard to forget and forgive-which sounds like the theme of your novel. As always, this is clear, entertaining, noteworthy, and gets the reader relating the story to her life. Will gladly read on. 6 stars.

Hello Jennifer,

“… I’m sober now, and I have been for ten years. Unfortunately it took losing everything I had to show me how wrong I was. My wife is gone, my son is gone, and my days are spent behind the iron bars that I chose. I will die alone. There is no one left to grieve for me, and it is my fault.” - Very touching to understand that until we have lost everything, that drives normal life, it is when we come to senses of understanding how deep we have fallen. The start is fibrous.

I will read on.

Sincerely,

Julius B. [Destined to Triumph]

Full Circle
Fiction 3rd person POV

This is a remarkably good book. Why isn't it published yet?

Raechel
Echo

Thanks for your compliment. Full Circle isn't finished yet. I have another chapter to add in the next couple of days, though. My first book, The Ultimatum is the prequel to Full Circle, and I have published it. My goal is to finish Full Circle by Christmas and send it to the editor in January. This would have it out by next spring.

Full Circle
Fiction 3rd person POV

This is a remarkably good book. Why isn't it published yet?

Raechel
Echo

Jen-You have no idea how close to home your book is for me. Like Brandon, I have a father that was never around and recently (after his parents died and has no one left) has regained contact with me after 25 years or so. And like Brandon, I'm pissed about it, not wanting to take care of someone who was never there for me. Don't know the answer to it all, but God does. Loved your book and made me cry. Great message about forgiveness and redemption. Unfortunately cynicism tends to trump giving some people the benefit of the doubt. 6 stars, and I liked it even more than the first one. Dina of HOTD and LD

Hi Jennifer,

I like this story. You start off an engaging way, and build some suspense about both Brandon's past and the mysterious visitor to the church. And you keep the momentum going, by showing us the youth group, which helps us see Brandon through the eyes of other characters.

Well done, well starred.

Best,
Andi
Animal Cracker

Jen-Just finished C2. Awesome and 6 stars. Like how you touch upon your first book. Was happy to see that Brandon ended up as a minister. Also, you prove very knowledgeable on Scripture. Really like how you wove Ester, King Xerxes, etc. into the chapter. The mysterious and troubled girl is a great cliff-hanger that makes me want to continue. So far, so great!

Hi Jen-Just started reading Full Circle. Great opening chapter. Loved the brevity. You left it up to my imagination to figure out what Robert is going to do. So far, so awesome. Will stay on my shelf to read later.
Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned