The Journal

Very different read. I am still undecided if I like it or not. It certainly has got something but I dont know if I can get my head around the premise of the book. There is a lot going on here with a number of characters batting around everywhere its difficult for me to get my head round it. I thought it so so.I wish you luck.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Many thanks. Sean

not had time to read the rest but from the pitch i immediately thought of that scene in X-men when Magneto is a kid and as he is dragged away from his family his magnetic powers cause the iron gate to groan and contort.

I love the snippet of poetry you include in the beginning - I usually don't like quotes in the beginning of novels but this one was really good. I'd like to find and read more of her stuff.

It is difficult to write a Holocaust novel and not to feel like it's "been done" before - but something about this just drew me in to the story. I like the idea that he has visions - I do something similar in my novel and I think it adds a mystical element - gives a sense of paranormal intrigue. I also like the element of choice that you introduce - the fact that prisoners always had choices to make - sometimes the most difficult choices ever - but that not all inmates faced certain death and that every day, every choice, determined ones' fate.

Wow. I really like the interaction between the doctor and the Nazi - and the fact that you have introduced another narrator here. It kept me interested and wanting to read more.

Then ending of chapter two definitely made me want to read more!

And I like how the two narratives are interwoven starting at the beginning of chapter three - you want to know what happens next - but then a door opens and you are back in a different scene. That's a really good technique.

I have to say I had no intention to keep reading - I just wanted to get a taste and then move on to reading other books on my watchlist - but I just had to keep turning pages to find out what happened next. Very well written. Great storytelling. Highly starrred. Thank you for an excellent read.

- Rena

i will certainly back this piece, i like your writing, i find that you mix the long clause and sentence with the short statement well, i also enjoy how you italicize a charaters current thought, it serves like dialouge, it gives your story a flow, being curious of my own polish ancestory i have noticed a certain slavic sensibility (the best way i can put it), your characters, the ones in the camp seem to exhibit it, i like that, world war two and concentration camps do not offer much reward nowadays i think, the history and brutatlity has been written about extensively and folks aren't as interested in the subject as they once were, but you offer an interesting twist, you show an interlock between the tormentor and tormented, both are iimprisoned, i am not sure why joseph has visions, but i think it has to do with a spiritual presence, i think that you will allow your characters a metaphisical way out, interesting too is the several pregnancies and the advice joseph's mother has given him that he holds onto dearly like the sugar cubes he keeps, life needs to continue, it is an answer, i have a couple books on my shelf that i want to age a bit, so my backing may come in a few days, but it will arrive, i hope if you get a chance you will take a look at one of my pieces, preferablly "the sound not heard", since i just put it up and would like a comment on it, best wishes

Carla - the return read and again apologies for te delay. I've no literary training nor ever published so feel free to deal with these comments as you wish.

The opening scene is a powerful one in several ways, that ultimately lead the reader to looking into themselves and how they may respond under similar circumstances. I've seen nothing in the way of typos and will find this an easy read in some ways, focusing on voice and story. This is a story we've seen/heard/read in different format - the boy in striped pajamas being the most recent popular version - and your opening works, setting tension and placing us right in the middle.

I like this read but feel there are a couple of areas worth considering. The more simple one is the close confines of the barracks would have permitted everyone to overhear what was being said, not just Joseph. They would then overhear the subsequent conversation and certainly would not have told him they were escaping tomorrow - perhaps move the scene to a corner bed. Practicalpoint.

I read this opening several times trying to understand what more I wanted. The dialogue is excellent and works, staying with the characters as they build. And the story is there, but I feel you can improve this by reviewing the descriptive background. On the reread I found little mention of starvation, of 4 tier bunks piled high of striped pajamas - the images I had were of my own creation, not those induced by your writing - you allude to a soul leaving a body, perhaps just mention another corpse. I did enjoy this overall and certainly would not suggest changing anything immidiately but if I could find one area to imrpove a good read that was it.

Chapter 2 is a complete change of pace. This I feel is a more balanced Chapter, building story,characters and pace all in parrallel. You've introduced the mental doubts here, Biermann's sleeping issues, and the journal - each something the reader can connect to. Again I'd like to see just a little more descriptive background but I enjoyed this Chapter. Your dialogue is particularly good for me. Then the final short but page turning scene.

Chapter 3 - missing comma first paragraph after marched in, barking orders.

Another step up in terms of the read here. The scenario is brutal and simple and works with the dialogue and the characters we already know. The emotions come through and the story is flowing but once more I feel extra attention to the descriptive background they find themselves in would push his another step. I'll try to explain and hope this works. You take us into Joseph and others thoughts well, but I feel stepping away from the fears and emotions of those there, and giving the reader the facts may, and I choose that word carefully, may make this a more powerful read. He could 'smell the blood a mix of rust and sweet wine' - I cannot smell blood - I just feel that loses the power of simply describing the body - the single small entry point at one side of the head and the expanding pool of blood in which he lay, something of that nature. Am hoping this makes sense as the read is good, sometimes very strong at the character level; I'm just looking for more of a background to support that.

Chapter 4 and the suggestion that inmates are 'turning into bullies' doesnt work for me. The concept is simple - these are people fighting to survive. Some will cheat and some will kill,and others will simply give upand die.

Later the mixed kindness of Biermann finding a better shovel within the confines of the camp with the dead body says much and perhaps this is something i would also like to see even more of. The black humour of guards is there pretending to kill a prisoner and works, and the characters work.

Carla - this reads well, both grammatically and from the basic story. With the suggestion of a journal it hooks well into many aspects of this period and the recalling of memories and lives since gone. But I feel you can step away from that in places and add the very basics of life here; people starving, bodies regularly being taken away and heads shaved. Then behind them is the starkness of the camp. Cheap wood, lice and outside the wire waiting, are the patrolling guards, all that builds the atmosphere. The points I make I feel are easily rectified. The synopsis of this read has tugged me and I've read this more than once.And as I said at the beginning, those are just my personal views and others may disagree.

Best. Steve.

Good plot. characters and narrative; this must reach the market.

The first chapter reveals that Josef has the ability to distract wild animals, a gift that he hopes to put to good use in the barrack. The reader is made to empathise with this young protagonist and hope that he survives his awful conditions. Deserving of many stars!

Great plot and narrative. Soon I will read and comment further.

This story provides an interesting slant on the War as it shows that people don't always act heroically. The doctor turning away a pregnant woman and the life and death struggles between inmates in the camp provide examples of people behaving 'believably' in terrible situations.
The style is unusual, I would have to read further in to see where the writing of the journal has relevance to the outcome of the story.
An intriguing tale, not sure about the 'visions' of Josef but apart from that, realistic dialogue and background and worth hanging around. Starred, WL for now, regards,Mark

Hello Carla,this is a very ambitious story dealing with a theme - Nazism and evil - I have personally tried in the past to write about,but found too difficult and also too disturbing.all credit to you for tackiling this and love the idea of a fictional journal and of course the idea of everyone being linked is very intersting,because,of course,Nazism didn't grow in a vacuum,it needed to be helped along by others,consciously or subconsciously.I've read the first two chapters ,but will try to read the rest of it.It would be very kind if you could take a look at the novel that I have written- 'A Buccaneer' set in the 17th century and includes Pirates,lost love,a five handed duel,the attack on Panama 1671,Spanish Ladies,the Great Plague of London,boots of Spanish Leather and much more,best wishes,Strachan Gordon

Hi Carla,

"The lives of a Nazi Officer, Polish Doctor and Jewish boy become inextricably linked, blurring the boundaries between good and evil." - to be certain and sure, I had first to look up in the dictionary the meaning of such words and phrases as: inextricably linked; and blurring the boundaries. Yes, they make your short pitch a very tantalizing one.

Yeah, the subject of Nazi's Jews extermination, which has not been fully studied. The lad, Josef, a Jewish prisoner's failed plan of escape from the Nazi's incarcerated camp, the tenuous and complicated relationship developing between the prison ward Officer, Ernst Biermann and the lad; the CIA activities of by Ernst Biermann through his window into the incarcerated camp, all make your long pitch very attractive, arguing reader to read the book. Bravo.

I will read on.

Julius B. [Destined to Triumph]

Hello,
Firstly I am not a writer, and know nothing about writing a book. But I know what I like and what I enjoy. I don't tend to read books like this as have tried in the past and have always found them far too intense and quite upsetting with some of the descriptions used.
This one I have really enjoyed so far and can't wait for the next bit! I found it easy to follow and while descriptive not stomach churning (some people like that, I do not).
I enjoyed this story because it made me feel a lot of emotions and I've not found many books do that for me. To me, that means it's well written, if I 'feel' it and not just read it.
My husband loves to read stories like this so I will be forwarding it on to him, to see what he thinks too as it may very well be one of the few WW2 stories that he hasn't read yet!

Hi Carla
It seems you are only accepting messages from 'friends' but as you might have noticed I don't haveany friends Not that I'm antisocial. It's just that your messages get so flooded with friends updates that it's easy to miss important messages and worse still a backing. Nothing worse than realising you haven't thanked someone for their support! So, I thought I'd leave a quick note here to say thanks for the backing. Not had chance to look at the Journal yet but two quick thoughts come to mind. The first is the title. For a book of such gravity I don't think the title delivers enough of a punch. Second I thought your pitch was a little long. Nicely written and intriguing but it seemd as if you could quite distill the key elements that you anted to convey to the reader.

I will try to read some more as I too am intrigued by the way others portray their psychics.
Best of luck
Peter

I have ready many stories of the Holocaust, so i was delighted when i heard a new voice and not as much of the barbaric descriptions. Your story (from what i read so far) Depicting the life of Josef, in a polish concentration camp, is very well crafted.Your descriptions bring to life the shocking truth through the eyes of a young man, torn away from his mother and sister than seperated from his father, having to make choices and the consequences they may bring, The description and story of the two sugar cubes touched such realism that i could see him funbling the cubes in his hands trying to make the decision of eating them or not.
This is a very well done piece and should do very well here and when it is published.
Thank you for this wonderful read, i will be back to read more.

JJ Marro
Magic of the Frogs