Book Jacket

 

rank 1304
word count 51379
date submitted 28.06.2011
date updated 08.10.2011
genres: Historical Fiction, Science Fiction...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Demon's Door Bolt; a Tale of End-Time Panic as a Prelude to the Total Absence of EVERYTHING

A.J. Campbell

Hell's Gates are open, and Daemon prepares for Armageddon. World leaders consider it rumor, and only a bumbling Magus and handicapped warriors can save Earth.

 

The Earth's Door Bolt in Hyperboria has been breeched. The year is 499, the gates of Hell are open as Daemon prepares to conceive the Antichrist and bring his minions to the Upperworld. The major empires-- Rome and Persia-- believe the opening of Hell's gate is a fantastic rumor. Only Prester John and his Grail Warriors are left to fight the Prince of Darkness.

But there's a slight problem. Prester John panics and resurrects five handicapped warriors. The sixth warrior is chained to the Rock of Prometheus, and the prophesized seventh warrior has yet to be found.

The water-clock is running dry! Can the Grail Warriors and steppe barbarians "kill" ten million dead guys and save the World? Maybe... with a little help from Mungo the Obvious, the Machina ex Deus, plus Raphael Jabar and his twenty-seventh Thirteenth Yurt.

The Demon's Door Bolt is complete at 99K (give or take a small k)
If you need more chapters, contact me.

 
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tags

demons, flying gryphons, handicapped warriors, shrinking cosmos, sun tzu, swords, the avars, the devil, uther pendragon

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Chapter 5: Sparks from the Forge

 

Silt clouded the water in a fine grit, and only chance (or perhaps the Deus) provided a meeting of submerged bodies. Gasping for breath, Galen arched his head to a welcomed life at the surface after almost drowning; and with a steel grip, he held Vishpala’s left arm, trying to pull her upward. In a moment she began sputtering, coughing water from her lungs. Looking toward the right-hand bank, he turned upon his back, snaking an arm around her. He partially swam and drifted, finally reaching water shallow enough to place his feet on river-bottom. His cracked rib throbbed, yet to heal. And torn flesh, new and bloody-raw, burned along his lower right leg. Must have scraped it on a rock, but I could swear it came from her thrashing. With laboring steps, he dragged Vishpala behind him until they reached ankle-deep water.

He released her and she bent low, placing hands to knees while coughing again. “You alright?” he asked. She nodded and took a step toward shore. The riverbank was muddy and partially eroded by a previous flood, undercut below jagged outcrops of steppe grass. His right shin felt as if it had been slammed by a sledge, yet somehow Galen managed to scramble over the cut, reaching down to pull Vishpala up beside him. She nodded, her tone apologetic, “Thank you. I no longer swim like I once did.”

“Forget it. I was just enjoying a dip when you came along,” tilting his head to shake water from within his ears.

She cracked a thin smile. Both of them surveyed where they were: at the edge of an Avar village, while two dozen warriors came running toward them, each one armed with either a bow or something sharp. Galen shook his head, snapping a little finger from an ear. This is not my day. First, a thrashing woman almost breaks my leg. I think that’s what happened. Hard to tell in near-zero visibility. Now we’ve got a welcoming party. The Avars slowed stride to a cautious pace, the closest one with his sword drawn. With a fake smile, Galen held palms outward, “Nice day. Spraken de deutsch? Avanti? How about kunta-kinte? He never was proficient at foreign languages other than Greek and Latin. That was about it, a sprinkling of Sanskrit, but the only Avarish he knew was horse nomenclature. The warrior stepped forward, planting sword-edge at Galen’s neck, turning to the others while spouting a derogatory remark. They all laughed.

Then with a lightning kick, Vishpala slammed her right foot to his groin! The man went down!—and he went down in deep pain, dropping his sword immediately while curling into a fetal position. With a deft pluck, Galen retrieved the Avar’s weapon, twirling it in a well-practiced circle, “Well, I guess Dufus, here, got a kick out of that one. My woman friend has an iron foot. Who else wants to waste his future reproductive capacity?” Vishpala began laughing uncontrollably, and within moments the Avars joined her. Perhaps language was a barrier but not humor. Amid the chortles, Galen leaned to the stricken, helped him to his feet, flipping the sword to return it hilt-first. The poor man accepted it, still grimacing and unable to walk. Turning from the Avar, he quipped to Vishpala, That was one hell of a kick. Lifted him right off his feet.

*     *     *     *     *

Daemon strolled along the street of the First Level, stopping momentarily at a thermospodium. Ah! The non-smell of stewing water. A Roman held a knife to the shop-cook’s throat, demanding, “All your money or I’ll cut your heart out,” the cook replying, “Think you can find it?” Daemon flashed a big grin and continued his daily tour. At the street-corner, a kid scratched graffitio along the rock wall, “The Deus Sucks.” While passing by, Daemon tussled the juvenile’s hair, “Way to go, kid. Keep up the good work.” He reached his office, swinging the door open as Edweena rose to attention behind her desk.

She clicked heels together, “Velcome, Herr Daemon. Vas der valk bleasant?”

“Pleasant enough. Any news of when the Boys will install the water-organ here in the office?”

“Yavool, Herr Daemon. Dey vil be here domorrow afternoon. Vun o’clock,” clickity-click, stomp-stomp.

“Good. They’ll be placing it right here,” and he tapped her desk.

“But vot about der desk? Vot about ME?” she screeched.

He walked over to the comfy chair, adjusted his piggy jacket, and sat down, folded one knee over the other, and leaned back, “Well, to tell the truth I’m a little tired of the horned helmet, wing-slapping, and heel-clicking. A receptionist is surplus. The business doesn’t need you. I know exactly who will arrive and when. For instance, the next person to enter this office is the one-eyed man lumbering down the staircase carrying a heavy sack.

“Vot? Der staircase is karrying a heavy zack?” she blurted, wide-eyed.

He closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head, “What do you think? Did you ever think? In fact, CAN YOU THINK? So, just pack up your files and get out.”

“But vot vill I do?

“Open a manicure shop. Everyone knows that fingernails keep growing after death.”

“Ooo, Herr Daemon! Ya! Goot idea,” agreed Edweena, “Vhy didn’t I think of dot? I vill pack up my viles now.” And she stomped into the File Room.

Daemon jumped to his feet and circled his prized table, polishing it with his sleeve, while saying, “Come in.” The outer door opened, and the one-eyed man entered to stand immobile with the sack over his shoulder. Physically perfect but a little slow in accruement. Well, if it isn’t Moron. How fare your brothers?” quizzed Daemon, tucking a hand to his piggy jacket.

“One is dead,” replied Moron in a buzzing monotone.

Daemon was surprised! His one-eyed men were impervious to everything except submersion; and he demanded, “What killed him!”

“He took an arrow,” came the explanation while dropping his bag on the table—WHAM!—as it smashed to the floor in a thousand splinters.

Daemon stood dazed! He forgot the question at his lips; his eyes snapped deep black. Two lumps throbbed at his temples, each lump growing larger. Finally he found his voice. “THAT was a Jove-wood gaming table presented to me by Julius Caesar. It was PRICELESS!”

“Julius Caesar? Who’s that?”

Who in Hell could Julius Caesar be?” snapped Daemon, “Caesar, as in the genocide of Gaul.”

“Oh, that Julius Caesar. Down on the Third Level,” droned Moron.

“You know, I just can’t pinpoint how to deal with you idiots. I give each of you every break, always the benefit of a huge doubt.”

“Here is the three hundred pounds of gold,” claimed the one-eyed man, “Now you can make me human. That was the deal.”

Daemon stepped to the wall chart, “Come here and check your mission statement.” Moron obeyed as Daemon grabbed his swagger stick, tapping it repeatedly, “Read this clause.”

Scratching his metallic cheek, Moron spoke slowly, “Catch Twenty Three: I understand and agree that all my gold will be forfeited if I inflict damage to company property, at any Level, in all shops, along the stairways, and especially in the Front Office.”

“Where are we?” asked Daemon.

“In the Front Office?”

“That’s correct. You lose all the gold you’ve accumulated. You start over again, back to ZERO GOLD!” screamed Daemon, “Now get out! I don’t want to see your ugly face again until you steal another three hundred pounds.”

“But there are not many nests left,” claimed Moron, “I want to steal like a human. You promised.”

Daemon pulled a hand from the piggy coat, stepped before Moron, and looked up to the dumb slit of an eye, “Are you having a tantrum? Should I turn you off? Is that what you want?”

“I want to be human.”

“That’s it! Farewell to defective thought,” and he reached under Moron’s chin and flipped the switch. He spun around in a fury, surveying the broken game table, kicking it and the sack of gold again and again. Finally, he opened the outer office door and shouted, “Someone bring a shovel and clean up this mess. Do it now! Not two moments from now.” Immediately, eight workers shuffled in, shoveled like madmen, and departed with heads bowed and arms full. Daemon paced back and forth across the office, dropped into his comfy chair, stood again, and walked over to Moron to snap the switch back on.

“What was that?” asked Moron in his monophonic style.

“You were totally dead, not just mostly dead. BUT, I took pity and brought you back.”

“How long was I dead?”

Daemon rolled his eyes, shrugged, and explained, “Twenty-eight days and two hours. Almost a month, while your dimwitted brothers beat you to most of the gryphon nests. That’s what you get for pulling a tantrum.” He paused, trying to control his temper, “When will it sink into that metallic head of yours? Hell is a business designed for profit. It’s all about gaining. Breakage creates loss. Is that an oxymoron? I lose and you lose. So smarten up, screw your head on straight, and do your job faster.

“Can I go now?”

“Yes. But be good. Just kill Magyars and steal the gryphons’ gold. Understand? And maybeif you’re real sneaky and fast—you might get the last three hundred pounds.”

*     *     *     *     *

The remaining three ships hung tight to the icy edge of the Aral with their cables staked to thawing shoreland. Rumo confirmed their approximate position, somewhere on the northern end of the Araxates delta; and Prester John calculated another hundred fifty miles of rowing through slush cakes before reaching the northwestern coast. They hunkered around a driftwood fire; and contorted racks pushed to thawing mud helped dry wet clothes. At a distance beyond the shore, the grave of Aristeas consigned a poet to half-frozen earth, the eulogy now a bitter reflection. The mood of those who heard it remained subdued.

Galen squatted to warmth, poking a twig through trampled swamp grass and digging at the frost. In a quick flip he tossed the stick to flames and snapped straight to the young night. From the other side of the fire, Rumo pushed his knees to stand upright, pacing around to face him, “The Prester has prepared a speech, a few positive words,” and he tipped his head toward Vishapa. The Indu stood from them at a deliberate distance, gazing beyond silver waves lapping beneath a toenail moon. “You’re good with women. See if you can convince her to rejoin us.”

I’m good with horses, not women. I just fake it. He gave Rumo a narrow eye, shook his head, and paced lightly to the Indu, hating to disturb her meditation. Stopping beside her, Galen cleared his throat, “Prester John wants to speak to us enmass. Your clothes must be nearly dry, and they’ll fit better than Amanirena’s.

She turned, shivering, not facing him directly, “That is true. This tunic hangs like a blanket; Amanirena is large. You must forgive me for contemplating my role in this great scheme. Have you ever read the Vedas?”

“Partially but not really,” he admitted, “They seem like mysteries.”

“Ah, mysteries.” And she met his eyes, “Then you have no idea of who I really am. Who do you think the Ashvins were, and what was I?”

Her question was pointed, intended to refute whatever his answer might hold. He shrugged, “I thought you were ancient warriors.”

Vishpala gave an abbreviated smile, ever so subtle, “We were sparks from the forge. Can you visualize that? Red-hot and spiraling upward, turning yellow and cooling, to become falling flakes of ash. So we were born, and thus we died—the Sun Riders, following a path of brightness, the Ashvins, in our great race east to west across daylight skies. You are a Christian. Never can you truly understand what I was.”

He couldn’t find his tongue. Perhaps she was giving him too little credit, or maybe she was correct in her judgment. He might never fathom who or what she may have been, but realized Vishpala was no ordinary woman, not in the worldly sense of humanness. All he knew came from the old Rig Veda; yet only now could he visualize her place in a timeless cosmos. She was once an avatar! He replied in the softest voice a man could utter, “You were someone between human and godly.”

She clasped his wrist, producing another half smile, “I have underestimated Christians, yes?  But they cannot see what cannot be viewed. This Prester John believes he recreated life, but he is only a necromancer,” she squeezed Galen’s wrist, “He sees only one person, one physical body in a great stream of many. Yet what is the truth? At the moment I died, my karman flew to its next birthing; and at the end of each lifetime, it flew again and again. The flight is called samsara. You view the karman as a transmigrating soul, but it’s the Vital Essence of the All-Seeing Eye. It flies at the precise point between the spark and ash. Who knows how many flights it flew before the cycle was destroyed? When Prester John resurrected my life he wrenched the karman from its last owner and it returned to me. Do you see what he did?”

Galen watched a ship tug against its cable and waves lapping to the swamp he stood in, “He broke the connection, stopped the rising process.”

“The karman strives for godliness. In whom or what it resided last?—I know not. But Prester John stole it from a living being to return it to me. You have seen it. When the spirit leaves a person, what happens? No more can that person move or eat, neither can they drink. They are catatonic, unable to speak or function and await impending death. How long does that person last? Two weeks? How magnificent I stand before you in the flesh, but I am not complete. The karman flew back to me, a reversal of two millennia of spiritual evolution, and I touch your wrist through great loss and a person’s death.

He nodded. Amazing she can smile at all. “Prester John is too human to understand what you know. He should never learn of this tragedy. It might destroy all he believes in. He has correct intentions, a generous heart; and if he fails—if we fail—what might this world become? We carry a liability far greater than individual burden.”

He is wise for a man his age. In the past two weeks, she had sized him up. The scars of his profession could not diminish an innate handsomeness, nor could his carefully clipped beard hide the scars. He preferred to be called the Horsebreaker, not Galen, his streak of rebellion, but his heart beat firm in the knowledge of what was correct and righteous. He was bold, tapping an inner source, unlike his uncle; for the Prester often hesitated, unsure he was making the correct decision. She released his arm, “The eve is dark, and clouds hide weaker stars; perfect night for a necromancer. Come. Let us hear what the Magus has to say.”

Chapters

6

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Shelby Z. wrote 277 days ago

The Demon's Door Bolt by A.J. Campbell.
This book is very interesting tale and a unique one.
There isn't much to say, but that the book is very well written and the story is well thought out. No flaws in this well crafted story.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Mithun Kalaga wrote 337 days ago

Terrific plot...The beginning of the book is quite marvellous!!!

Bryn Hammond wrote 474 days ago

I bought the book on Amazon; I read it in three days; it's glorious and means a lot to me, steppe-freak that I am. I'll say more in other venues. - Bryn

Update: I've written 1184 words of comment, or billet-doux, on Goodreads. Big for these pages? Go see it there, it's a great site.

X the Unknown33 wrote 520 days ago

hey, not sure if u remember me but we had a comment swap agreement . . . uh . . .LMS, i think 'bout 2 months ago.
anyways, i've read 2 chaps and & i'll have 2 be honest with u, its doesn't quite take the cake 4 me, individually.
But how u introduced your story in the PRO was intriguing. Mystical. And these -in lack of a better word- hints of this going to somehow end up an end days story in historical fiction is COOL.
GL Warrior ;)

X

Su Dan wrote 591 days ago

fascinating book, though l must read more...l shall back if l like...
read SEASONS...

Steppe Warrior wrote 640 days ago

Mr. Campbell,

Thanks for stealing the basic premise of the Roadrunner and Coyote. You can look forward to a law-suit.

Most seriously,
Chuck Jones

Steppe Warrior wrote 643 days ago

Really enjoyed reading the first chapter. You set the mood up well and intrigue the reader. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of fantasy writing but this is written really well and very cleanly. I can imagine this doing really well in its genre. I particularly enjoyed the characterisation of the main female character. Good luck with the novel!



Sarah,
I've been away from the internet for 2 days, just getting back. Thanks for backing the Demon's Door Bolt. What I've posted has actually been cleaned up, but in a 5.25 X 8 Createspace format. In the tale, there are actually more female warriors than males. Glad you enjoy. It's not on many bookshelves because I'm not good at huckstering it. I'll get back to your story either tonight or tomorrow.

best,
A.J.

Ariom Dahl wrote 644 days ago

I started looking at several books on the site yesterday, and found this one to be delightfully off beat. Giving you a good star rating and continuing to read. I see previous comments have included the words 'quirky' and 'tongue-in-cheek' and that's how I found it, too. Maybe when you edit you could get rid of a few exclamation marks, but otherwise it reads well, with an individual style.

sarahdalton wrote 645 days ago

Really enjoyed reading the first chapter. You set the mood up well and intrigue the reader. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of fantasy writing but this is written really well and very cleanly. I can imagine this doing really well in its genre. I particularly enjoyed the characterisation of the main female character. Good luck with the novel!

Steppe Warrior wrote 649 days ago


You mentioned something about Buddha debating with the butcher about the price of pig. Is this a reference to some text? I imagine that Buddha being a vegetarian wouldn't do that.



Olefish, thanks for the comment. I have to use the ao voice due to the large number of characters in this story, on Topside, Hell, Heaven, and Purgatory. The voice varies, sometimes distant and close. Sakyamuni was fairly eclectic in his choice of foods, and his last meal included pork... just the opposite tastes from the Judeans. :)

olefish wrote 650 days ago

I like the amalgamation of mythologies here. It is rather creative. Your use of the omni-pov is also well done. I worry a bit about the rambling quality of the narrative. Even though the narrative voice is interesting, it does remove me further away from the characters

You mentioned something about Buddha debating with the butcher about the price of pig. Is this a reference to some text? I imagine that Buddha being a vegetarian wouldn't do that.

Steppe Warrior wrote 653 days ago

Well, A.J., you did a fairly good job on this one.
As always, your friend,
Giovanni Boccaccio

Sorry. Not enough whining. I caught a bigger fish than you did. So there!
Ernest Hemingway

Needs a little more moralizing. Other than that, I'll read into the second paragraph.
As always,
Dante Allegeri

So what if I described a stone house on one page and said it was wooden on another.
I'm more famous than you are. And I have more dust on my boots. Take a hike.
William Faulkner

AntoinetteBergin wrote 656 days ago

This book is wonderful. The author recommended I read Chapter 4, which I did, and it was comical and beautifully written. So I couldn't resist starting over from the beginning. If you could see me, you would see that I am recommending this book as hard as I can. It's quite straining, really, but it's worth it.

Steppe Warrior wrote 661 days ago

Back to you, Al

I've cleaned up the openers, got the dashes in, and dumped the reduntant "sagely." The fifty-pound draw I had wrangled with before, everything else becoming longer and clunkier, so I left it. Barbarian societies delt in commodites, gems and tin, along with breeding and trading horses, and I figured they could weigh things to the ounce.

I know the style is quirky, not English 101, but it flows-- what you called "word building." I'll drive an editor crazy but the reader is better off for it. A lot in this ms is unconventional, including a large number of reversed anacronyms, espressions like "anal retentive" and "manic depressive." You just don't do that in a historical setting. (But you don't place science fiction in the ancient past, either.) At first I worried, but after two or three dozen, the anomalies became hilarious. And not one reader has mentioned they crush the fictional dream.

Thanks for the read; your input is correct and valuable.

A.J.

CarolinaAl wrote 662 days ago

I read your prologue and first chapter.

General comments: An interesting start. Likable main characters. Thought-provoking narrative. Lyrical prose. Clever wit. Awesome world building. Atmospheric. Vivid imagery. Not a lot of tension in what I read so far. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) You let me know in your message that you occassionally intentionally punctuate narrative preceding dialogue with a comma, so I'll not point those out to you.
2) You also occassionally don't capitalize the first word of narrative sentences following dialogue. With your writing background, I assume that is intentional as well.
3) ' ... when finished it had a fifty pound draw.' This would imply an advanced capacity to measure 'pull' accurately. That's not something I would have expected to find in a bow and arrow society. But, I'll accept this important piece of information as part of your world building.
4) "The symbol represents good fortune. Something you need," she sagely replied. Try to be careful with adverbs. In this case, the dialogue seems wise. As a result, 'sagely' reads redundant to me.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) "What if I refuse?" smirked the Horsebreaker. A 'smirk' is a facial expression. You can't 'smirk' dialogue.
2) "I know it carries all the sharp toys you think you need. Put a closing quote mark after 'need.'
3) Hyphenate 'twenty four.'
4) 'He nephew stood puzzled before him.' 'He' should be 'his.'
5) Hyphenate 'self defense.'
6) Excellent end of chapter hook. Who wouldn't turn the page after reading that line?

I hope this critique helps your further polish your all important opening pages. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a splendid day.

Al

drbeshears wrote 663 days ago

I started on your book today; have only just begun, but I'm definitely being drawn in. Looking forward to going back in. Thanks - David (Climb the Mountain).

D M Sharples wrote 664 days ago

I like this, it has a quirky style, giving it a casual feel which is juxtaposed to the seriousness of the events the characters are facing. Sometimes I feel as though a sentence here and there isn't quite correct, but at the same time I don't know whether I'm right in thinking so or whether it's intentional.

The humour is subtle at times, blatent at others and always welcome.

I feel I would benefit greatly from having a much better knowledge of Asian history, as some of the references are lost on me. However this doesn't really detract from the overall experience.

I think there are some minor issues with punctuation around dialogue tagging, but nothing a light edit wouldn't fix.

Overall this is a good piece of work that draws the reader in nicely, welcomes them (while perhaps pulling faces behind their back) and trots along at a pace which is pleasant and interesting. I shall be reading more.

D M Sharples.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 666 days ago

A.J.,
"The Demon's Door Bolt" with its impressive cast of characters headed by Prester John on one side and Daemon on the other, was to me like a fictional approximation of events leading to the Battle of Armageddon, the Final Showdown. An undercurrent of tongue-in-cheek humour especially in the dynamic between the hero Galen and his centuries-old immortal ex-wife Ekhida, still a virgin, flavoured your meticulous narrative well. Thank you so much for the compelling read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Steppe Warrior wrote 666 days ago

This is a very interesting story. I like the historical richness that is woven into each piece of the story creating a dense web of facts and images. I have only read through Chapter 1, but I look forward to continuing on when time permits me.
Best wishes,
PJ Daley - Birth of the Warrior



Thanks for the comment, Paul

Yes, the story incorporates historical background into a sci-fi tale. We have righteous personages from the past (the resurrected) fighting evil ones from the past (those from Hell) within a story set in a slightly more recent past. This approach-- affixing sci-fantasy into our own human past, our historical background-- is a new concept. At least I think it is.

The DDB is actually my fifth novel, the previous ones (all epic in scale) being "practice." In essence, it has taken me almost 15 years to finalize the single book that is correct. When it happens, you know it. A voice says, "This is IT!" I posted this tale on June 28th and it's now ready to crack below the 300 mark. It's not on that many bookshelves, but the comments are encouraging, some readers asking for the entire ms (which I send via email as a PDF).

The difference in age between you and I is more than 50 years, but we stir the same cauldron. I'm glad to see you've posted your first novel. Brave. You have grit; and the story-line is a rather good one for young adult. Charlie is much like my Galen, both smaller men yet having wit and speed. Keep writing and rewriting. It's the only way to excell. I wrote nonfiction for 40 years and developed decent writing habits, became the top in my field. I gave it all up to write one good novel.

If I might: your Harris says, "Well, yea I have many dreams Charlie...." The word "yea" is rather Biblical, like Jesus speaking, "Yea, I say unto you, Paul. Do not use yea when you can use yuh."

"Flow" to me is important, almost subliminal yet it connects and allows the reader to read faster. When a person is the subject of a paragraph and then speaks, connect the two together. I believe it's tighter that way. Whatever you do, don't give up, just write and then write again in a slightly different way until it becomes "right."

At the moment, my bookshelf is full. These authors need to be there because they have something important to say at the Editor's Desk. I'll read more of your's, hopefully backing BOTW in the future. Likewise, if you do continue reading mine, then appraise it and give it as many stars as you see fit.

We will stay in touch,
A.J. Campbell

PJ Daley wrote 666 days ago

This is a very interesting story. I like the historical richness that is woven into each piece of the story creating a dense web of facts and images. I have only read through Chapter 1, but I look forward to continuing on when time permits me.
Best wishes,
PJ Daley - Birth of the Warrior

Steppe Warrior wrote 668 days ago

I like what I have read so far. There is a real flavour of the passage of time in it and many colourful images and I aim to read moore soon. I find your narrative style easy to follow and the story just flows as a result. I think you will go really far with this. I think everyone has preconceptions and fears about the world ending and not necessarily rooted in the Bible..."

Hello Melanie,

Thanks for reading part of the DDB. Frankly, I have no idea where this fluid style came from. I have been writing for 40 years, and then suddenly!-- something that might mimic the profluency of Homer if we could read him in original Greek. I agree that the End of Times doesn't specifically relate to the Bible. In the tale, my characters (especially later with Galen the Physician) actually question the very existance of God and even the human soul. He puts it this way (speaking through an omnipotent voice)-- "We are what we believe we are."

I'm proud of the DDB. It sends an important message in such a subtle and humorous way. Yet it's a message we particularly need in this day and age. It let's us know that all of us have a potential for greatness, even the humble and poor. Although the landscape is foreign (the steppes), much like another planet, the characters are us, we humans who can rise above handicaps, mental of physical.

Not many people are reading this tale. It sits on only 14 shelves. But I thank you for what you've read and hope you might read more. If you can give it a high star rating, that would help.

Again, thanks so much
A.J.

Steppe Warrior wrote 668 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT (Part Two)
A. J. Campbell

Nine hours later and I have finished reading all you have given me. I was right after reading the first chapter. This is a brilliant piece of work. I am really speechless with awe over what you have accomplished. Threading in the entities of the past, done with delicious humor and subtlety makes of this a libretto so finely tuned it overcomes the reader. I just felt as if I could not stop reading. I laughed out loud so many times throughout. I congratulate you on this accomplishment of world building.

I would love to read more. I'll send you my e mail address if you would allow me to take you up on your offer.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time



Hello Mary,

First, I was beginning to wonder if anyone had actually read the DDB chapters I posted. And second, thank you so much for your kindness. I wanted to produce a tale (not really a "story") that combined the best of old legends, the best of what we humans could be, and then transfer these qualities into an artifical brain that believes it's alive.

By now, you're aware of how much of the Arthurian legend surfaces in this story, especially Uther who first comes across as a yarn-spinning old man. Most male characters are elderly, and the physical prowess is given to the women-- Ekhida, Vishpala, Valeriana, and Amanirena. I don't know if you've met Mungo the Obvious and his "royal family" yet; but this is a raising of the humble and poor to a heroic status. I'm very proud of this novel because it carries a fine message in such a humorous way.

I had no friends here on Authonomy (other than perhaps Jack Cerro), but I'm pleased to find another Arthurian buff. I've spent more than a decade trying to connect Arthur with a possible historical background. Much of the Legend appears to come from the steppes (the Grail, the sword in the stones, and especially Merlin). That's why I wrote Forging the Blade. But the DDB has real potential, a novel we humans particularly need at this point in time.

I would love to have you finish reading the novel. Send your email address to me at steppe.warrior@gmail.com and I will return a finished PDF. This is the "almost final" version. I'm accepting input and pulling typos until around the fist of Aug. When I finish the cover, the whole thing goes to Createspace. Thank you for backing it, especially since it's only on 14 bookshelves. Why it has risen steadily in the ranks, I have no idea.

Most sincerely,
A.J.

PS: Oh! By the way, I appear to be "online" all the time. I just don't check in and out... because I've forgotten my what-cha-ma-call-it. I'm penning from my work computer, and the my laptop with the PDF is at home.

Sharahzade wrote 668 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT (Part Two)
A. J. Campbell

Nine hours later and I have finished reading all you have given me. I was right after reading the first chapter. This is a brilliant piece of work. I am really speechless with awe over what you have accomplished. Threading in the entities of the past, done with delicious humor and subtlety makes of this a libretto so finely tuned it overcomes the reader. I just felt as if I could not stop reading. I laughed out loud so many times throughout. I congratulate you on this accomplishment of world building.

I would love to read more. I'll send you my e mail address if you would allow me to take you up on your offer.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Sharahzade wrote 669 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT
A. J. Campbell

Ah the gods must be guiding your gift for telling such a wonderous story. I long for the innocence of a land such as you describe. A place where one can drink in the essence of nature and bask in the luxury of the scenes you show us. Reading it gave me a sense of peace, contentment, the natural order of life and the simple pleasure of living with honor.

The opening lulled me into a reverie that foreshadows something to come that will displace all that exists at this moment in time. Why I feel that, I cannot say. It is all too perfect and the sort of story that makes me yearn for a time such as this. I believe you inspire courage from the beginning so that what may come will be met with valor.

Call it Fantasy, Science Fiction or just excellent story telling, I love the beginning of this novel and wish it were all here so I could set out on a quest along with you to the end. I intend to read all you have posted but I have seen enough to give you all the stars in my possession and back this beautiful introduction to your story.

With admiration, sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Margaret Trevelyan wrote 669 days ago

I like what I have read so far. There is a real flavour of the passage of time in it and many colourful images and I aim to read moore soon. I find your narrative style easy to follow and the story just flows as a result. I think you will go really far with this. I think everyone has preconceptions and fears about the world ending and not necessarily rooted in the Bible. I like the character of Ekhida. She interests me, probably because, like most of us, I sometimes wonder what immortality would be like. Her conversation with the boy was natural and insightful. I will add to my w/l and try and find shelf space in the future. Good luck with it!

Steppe Warrior wrote 678 days ago

This book very Science Ficition. In the message you sent me you said that the book is very dark but give a good meaning or something like that. I agree sometimes things that are dark teaches us meaning about life. Keep up the good work.



Hi Danielle,

Forging the Blade is the "darker" of the two novels, and probably the most straight-forward historically and the more literary. The events actually happened in what is now Rumania. I thank you for putting it on your shelf, the only person who has.

The Demon's Door Bolt is much lighter, sometimes comical, even though it deals with a catastrophic subject. It also flows at a very fast pace. It might be "pulp" fiction, but the message is a good one. This one is ready for publishing; and I am now formatting it into a template for Createspace. I can thank Owen Quinn (here on Authonomy) and my son Jason for urging me on. Work on your own ms, don't give up, and give it all your love.

Most Sincerely,
A.J.

DThomas wrote 680 days ago

This book very Science Ficition. In the message you sent me you said that the book is very dark but give a good meaning or something like that. I agree sometimes things that are dark teaches us meaning about life. Keep up the good work.

Steppe Warrior wrote 682 days ago

It sort of gives me a new refreshed look on Science Fiction. Quite enjoyable. Continue the good work :)



Thanks, AunaJune

The good work needs to be done, simply because the DDB has an important message needed by all of us on this planet. Usually sci-fi dwells on other planets or in the future. I chose an early point in time and on Earth. We find three major dimensions: the Upper World, Hell, and Heaven... plus a fourth, the Purgatory of a self-serving Church. It's all about us, God, machines, and the soul, under the veil of action-adventure. I'm working on it daily. Just an old man's way of speaking the truth.

best,
A.J.

AunaJune wrote 682 days ago

It sort of gives me a new refreshed look on Science Fiction. Quite enjoyable. Continue the good work :)

Steppe Warrior wrote 683 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned



BillyS,

Thanks for taking a look at the DDB. It was in the weekly top five until today and then it plummeted. I think someone dropped it from their shelf. A hard racket, this one. My best on yours.

A.J.

billysunday wrote 683 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned

billysunday wrote 683 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned

Steppe Warrior wrote 685 days ago

I rarely like prologues, but yours is effective. I wonder if all of it is necessary, though? Perhaps a slight trim would strengthen it? I feel your story really kicks off in chapter 1. I think the sooner we get to it, the better.

I usually keep track of suggestions, but I got caught up in the story, I had very few. I suggest limiting your use of exclamation points. There are quite a few in your prologue. You do a good job of avoiding unnecessary adverbs for the most part. Is "quickly" necessary? There were a few others here and there, so always check to make sure they strengthen your narrative. I'm not sure I agree with the science fiction label. It's much more fantasy in my opinion.



Joshua,

Thanks for the suggestions; some already applied. I know the prologue is weaker than chap.1 but I want to keep it. The interaction between Ekhida and the young hunter serves to introduce her and hints of a love interest. She will always think about him until they meet again. The prologue actually saves a lot of verbiage (no setup, no courtship). My goal is to keep this ms under 100,000 words.

It's historical in the presence of current world leaders of the period (year 500), but it gets science-fictiony when we tour Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell, and especially when the one-eyed men appear. I don't want to drop too many spoilers.

Best,
A.J

Joshua Jacobs wrote 685 days ago


Wow. What an imagination you have. It's obvious you've put a ton of thought into your world and the story you've developed. I'm intrigued!

There's a distinct voice in this. I love how it opens. It sets the perfect mood for a legendary story of epic proportion. It's well-executed, too. The sentences are tightly written and flow smoothly together.

My favorite aspect of this novel, though, is the premise. Not only is this the type of novel I love, but it's extremely marketable. I could see this one on bookshelves.

I rarely like prologues, but yours is effective. I wonder if all of it is necessary, though? Perhaps a slight trim would strengthen it? I feel your story really kicks off in chapter 1. I think the sooner we get to it, the better.

I usually keep track of suggestions, but I got caught up in the story, I had very few. I suggest limiting your use of exclamation points. There are quite a few in your prologue. You do a good job of avoiding unnecessary adverbs for the most part. Is "quickly" necessary? There were a few others here and there, so always check to make sure they strengthen your narrative. I'm not sure I agree with the science fiction label. It's much more fantasy in my opinion.

Minor typos: You need a period instead of a comma at the end of "He arose and stood straight." Same with, "She strode closer." This continues almost every time you use dialogue. Only use a comma when you're using a verb related to speech (i.e. said, asked, etc). At the same time, "He shrugged in simple trust" needs to begin with a capital for the same reason. Other than those minor mistakes, this is very well edited.

This is an excellent start, and I look forward to reading more. Highly rated! Great job!

CMTStibbe wrote 689 days ago

The Demon’s Door Bolt is a stunning book. It is so easy to visualize the setting and its unique characters. Master story-tellers and wordsmiths are hard to find especially in this age. I have missed such beautiful writing and authentic dialogue. High stars. This is definitely my type of read. On W/l until space comes available. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Steppe Warrior wrote 689 days ago

Hm, AJ, I didn't have a lot of time, but this looks fantastic. I'll read more later - highly rated for now. :)



Monicque,

Thanks for the quick look. The DDB puts women in their place-- right at the kick-ass TOP. I hope you get a chance to start a read, perhaps finding a few laughs. Even Aunt Beatrice (stolen from Dante) wheels her weight around.

best,
A.J.

monicque wrote 690 days ago

Hm, AJ, I didn't have a lot of time, but this looks fantastic. I'll read more later - highly rated for now. :)

mrsdfwt wrote 692 days ago

After reading two chapters of "The Demon's Door Bolt", i came to the conclusion that this is definitely a different read for me, but i love it.
A boy becomes a man and kills a stag to feed many mouths.
A cursed immortal exclaims: 'Men!They're such frigging jerks.'
A horsebreaker wanders in the steppe, although he could live in a palace.
We witness bustling streets, mud-brick tenements, and hucksters pushing their wares.

This is a very challenging read and i must admit i can't wait to read further, although i would recommend copy editing it, especially the prologue.
The command of the English language is exquisite, and being a fan of Mythology in general, i find this read fascinating.
Six stars and placed in line for the shelf.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

viento wrote 694 days ago

Welcome to Authonomy A.J and you've had a great start! Love the pitch - just my sort of book : )

You're book is on my watchlist until I have a little time to give it the attention it deserves.

lizjrnm wrote 694 days ago

WOW! You have one gifted imagination! Cover is eye-catching an dthe pitch sells the book store browser. Id buy it so Im backing it for talented writing and a great storyline. Starred as well.

Liz
The Cheech Room

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