Book Jacket

 

rank 1302
word count 51379
date submitted 28.06.2011
date updated 08.10.2011
genres: Historical Fiction, Science Fiction...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Demon's Door Bolt; a Tale of End-Time Panic as a Prelude to the Total Absence of EVERYTHING

A.J. Campbell

Hell's Gates are open, and Daemon prepares for Armageddon. World leaders consider it rumor, and only a bumbling Magus and handicapped warriors can save Earth.

 

The Earth's Door Bolt in Hyperboria has been breeched. The year is 499, the gates of Hell are open as Daemon prepares to conceive the Antichrist and bring his minions to the Upperworld. The major empires-- Rome and Persia-- believe the opening of Hell's gate is a fantastic rumor. Only Prester John and his Grail Warriors are left to fight the Prince of Darkness.

But there's a slight problem. Prester John panics and resurrects five handicapped warriors. The sixth warrior is chained to the Rock of Prometheus, and the prophesized seventh warrior has yet to be found.

The water-clock is running dry! Can the Grail Warriors and steppe barbarians "kill" ten million dead guys and save the World? Maybe... with a little help from Mungo the Obvious, the Machina ex Deus, plus Raphael Jabar and his twenty-seventh Thirteenth Yurt.

The Demon's Door Bolt is complete at 99K (give or take a small k)
If you need more chapters, contact me.

 
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tags

demons, flying gryphons, handicapped warriors, shrinking cosmos, sun tzu, swords, the avars, the devil, uther pendragon

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Chapters

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Chapter 9: The Iron-Breaker

 

The warriors reached the base of Mont Ripar two hours after sunrise. The old road vended steeper, following contours of the mountain, pines so thick they blocked the sun, and it might have still been dawn or even dusk. In some places, fully grown trees grew in the road itself; and lesser pines, sometimes firs, turned the road into little more than a path. Amanirena rode uncomfortable. She preferred a chariot and driver, sometimes fighting on foot, but warring upon a horse was not her style. Yet the two men needed her and she could not refuse. Now they slowed their mounts to a walk. She caught Czaba’s attention, “You fear not the gryphons?”

“Why should I? They read a man’s thoughts. I have no need for gold. It shines for men of greed and eventually kills them. I prefer clean waters, fat deer, and the dream of a fine woman. When your days are all gone, what good is gold’s reflection? Better to recall a great love.” He looked over to her, “Is that not true?”

She remained quiet.

And so he added, Gold separates the honest from the thief, and the beasts know it. Gryphons represent strength and vigilance, very auspicious animals,” and he tapped one of his belt plates, “ I wear their image for good luck. But it was not always so.”

“You came not from great blood, did you,” observed Galen.

“Magyars respect virtue over blood. I possessed strength and a few other qualities, made correct decisions, killed the correct enemy and brought the tribes together. Any man can do it; all he needs is the right woman. Do you not think so?”

“A month ago, I never would have pondered it,” admitted Galen.

“Ah! The one who limps,” breathed Czaba, “I saw your fare-thee-well. You think much of her. It shows in your eyes.” He raised his hand, and they reined to a halt, “Up ahead is where we part,” and he slid from the saddle in a fluid motion. Amanirena and Galen did likewise, dropping to the good earth. Now they walked the horses and the extra mount. Czaba tapped an index finger to his lips, so they paced in silence.

A half hour passed, and Czaba raised a hand, dropped to a knee, pulling his single-edged saber from its scabbard. Amanirena and Galen knelt to join him. The Magyar pointed to an opening on the left side of the road, speaking in a whisper, “That path leads down to the river. Can you hear it?”

Amanirena listened. In the distance, a roar of water sounded much like thunder, “It’s a cataract or rushing rapids, just like the Nubian Nile.”

A little of both. Deep and fast. The path leads to it; and the opposite bank rises as a sheer cliff straight up to the Rock of Prometheus.” He eyed her while scratching a crude map with his saber-tip, “Lead the four horses down to the river. My daughter rolled a tunic and trousers for Ekhida in the saddlebag. Get ready for us. If you’re attacked by a one-eyed man, waste an arrow on his body. Draw him to you, and then shoot for the eye.”

“How are you going to get down there?” quizzed Amanirena, “And why the eye.”

He glanced over to Galen and back to her, “My nephew killed one that way. Right in the eye, the only weak point. The machine dropped, unmoving.”

Galen stood, unbuckled his sword-belt, draping it over Czaba’s knee, “Let’s trade weapons. You have forty pounds on me, and it’s all muscle.”

The chieftain slid the sword partially from its scabbard, “This is your secret weapon?”

“Not mine. Uther’s,” claimed Galen, “According to him, it’ll cut a half-inch chain. It’s called Tyrfing the Iron-Breaker.”

Czaba handed up his saber, “Uther tells many stories. I hope this one is truth.”

Galen repeated Amanirena’s query, “How do we get Ekhida down to the river from a sheer cliff?”

The Magyar stood to full height, shrugged his shoulders, and quipped, “We jump.”

*     *     *     *     *

Daemon paced around the circular amphitheater, his hands raised to those seated above him, “My fellow citizens. Welcome to the Name of the Rose Chamber!”

The crowd roared, some standing to their feet and clapping. They were all First Level miscreants, no multiple killers, just average heretics, petty thieves, habitual liars, and government officials. Oh, lest we forget rich lawyers. Good people, all of them, with standard minor flaws. Purgatorial scribes were an odd bunch, a little holier than thou, forever sending marginal cases down rather than up. In fact the streets of Heaven were nearly empty, and Peter found it difficult to find a decent conversation.

Ah, how they love it. They all know what’s going to happen. He waved his hands palm-down, and they reseated and calmed to a buzz. “Please welcome today’s contestant,” and Daemon checked the note in his hand, “And here he is, Nefarius the Goldsmith, freshly arrived from Purgatory!” As the contestant ran out from a passageway below the seats, the crowd cheered and whistled. The man stopped running to stand next to Daemon. “Now tell the truth. Is your name really Nefarius?”

“Yes it is, your grace.”

“Oh! My grace, am I? How respectful,” and Daemon led him to the amphitheater’s center, “Now I understand that you were a little dishonest.”

“Yes, sir,” nodded Nefarius, “I was King Theodoric’s artisan. He gave me three pounds of gold to fashion a breast-plate for him. And I cheated.”

“Ah, I see. And what happened?” grinned Daemon while winking to the audience.

“Well, when the breast-plate was finished, the king discovered it only weighed two-and-a-half pounds.”

“Oh, dear,” sighed Daemon with a drawn expression, “You stole a half-pound of gold from the King of Italy.” The crowd roared as the man nodded. “You were garroted for it, but you have a chance to redeem yourself. Do you know how the Name of the Rose Game works?”

“No, sir,” affirmed Nefarius.

“It’s quite simple. You sit in the Big Comfy Chair while I stand at the podium and ask three questions. If you answer a question correctly, I’ll push the green button. You’ll hear the sound of a Thousand Glorious Bells and ascend back to Purgatory for reevaluation. In fact, if you’re extremely repentant they’ll probably boot you straight to Heaven. Any questions?”

The man rubbed his chin with thumb and forefinger, “What happens if I answer all three questions incorrectly?”

Daemon shrugged, pointing to a large hole in front of the chair, “For each incorrect answer, I push the red buzzer. When I push the buzzer the third time, the chair tips forward, you fall into the hole and slide ninety-nine miles down to the Third Level.

“Is it hot down there?” asked Nefarius timidly.

“Put it this way. You won’t need that tunic. The crowd laughed, Daemon clapped his hands, “So let’s play the Game!” Oh, how I love it. It must be their final expression of terror. He gave the First Level crowd a little entertainment at least once a month. It broke the tedium of eternal damnation. And of course, he felt particularly good. This was his big day. Or more precisely, his big night for raping an Amazon.  With Nefarius seated, he began, “Question number one and an easy trip to HeavenWhat is the Name of the Rose?”

Nefarius looked upward, lowered an eyebrow, and pronounced, “Afrocanesis amenia.”

Fuuurt! “Wrong. Now to the second question, actually no harder than the firstWhat is the Name of the Rose?”

Rumplestiltskin?”

Fuuurt! “Wrong again. Here is your third and final question. Answer it correctly and you’ll be dancing on more gold you could possibly stealWhat is the Name of the Rose?”

The goldsmith pondered carefully, quite nervous, his hands shaking as his eyes flicked side to side. And he finally exclaimed, “Lily?

Fuuuurt! WHOOSH! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

*     *     *     *     *

By midmorning, the last patches of snow had melted below the Rock of Prometheus. The goat-path leading down to the Door Bolt glistened as the sun attempted to erase a late frost of winter. The end of the second month with not many frosts left. Ekhida believed that something was wrong, the morning different. In the past hour she noticed three flying gryphons, upset by someone beyond the foraging of one-eyed men. Two gryphons arose and circled above the forest less than a half mile away, and a third gryphon flushed from the trees below her on the other side of the river’s gorge. Yet the beasts remained quiet, not growling as they normally did when disturbed by gold seekers.

Then she heard voices and a ruckus! Warriors, at least two! Their shouting came from the Door Bolt entrance, down the winding path to her left. She strained at the chains, trying to view the disturbance, a clashing of metal to metal. They are fighting one-eyed men!

Suddenly, a warrior backed up the path toward her! He raised a bow and nocked an arrow. And with a long draw, he released it, yelling, “They are many! But the eye is the correct target.” He backed another step, turned, and stood before her—a hulking warrior, bare chested, with arms muscled no less than an average man’s legs.

A voice from down the path yelled, “I’ll hold them off. Get Ekhida!”

The warrior standing before her dropped his bow, the weapon bouncing over the precipice as he drew a sword from the scabbard at his hip. A one-eyed man came up the path, poised with his own ready weapon. He raised it high, swinging down hard, as if to cleave a man’s body down the middle. The warrior blocked it as the one-eyed man’s blade snapped in half! The machine lowered his head, his traversing eye glowing; and he rotated the broken blade, examining it. With a mighty push, the warrior slammed his sword-tip into the man’s eye. The machine crumpled instantly, clattering to the path! And the warrior kicked the body once, then harder, as the one-eyed man slid over cliff-edge.

Again the warrior swung around to face her. He was perhaps forty or a little less, yet his hair held the sheen of youth, long and loosely curled in a sandy hue. He was puffing, slightly out of breath. And as he raised his weapon again, he affirmed, “Fear not. This will free you.”

Ekhida stood numb! He actually exists—the Dream Rider.

With a full swing, he slammed the sword to the chain at her left wrist. It snapped!—yet he looked surprised, as if unsure he actually did it. “Pull your left leg tighter to your body. That’s it.” And he winced, turning sideways and drawing the weapon back with an underhanded swing. He slammed it forward and it bounced, hitting tip-first to sheer rock, the sound ringing, reverberating across the chasm as the sword-tip snapped! The warrior’s eyes widened and he spat, “Good old Uther and his stories.”

Her head rang from metal slamming rock; or was this whole sequence an illusion? Was she actually chained tight, yet believing she was partially free? The Slicker’s drugs might do that—create sensations of reality where there were none. Yes, this is a dream. And she worked her mouth, “Who are you?”

“A man in trouble,” he fired back while taking another underhanded swing. The weapon slammed hard and the chain snapped. He pivoted, stepped a pace sideways, and swung the sword again! The chain holding her right leg parted, clanking against the rock. She was almost free!if this whole thing was reality and not the work of the demon.

“Heads up! I cannot hold them off!” the second voice shouted from down the path.

The hulking warrior turned and raised his sword as another one-eyed man rushed for him. He is right in front of me! Ekhida reached up, grasping the chain tethering her right wrist. And lifting her entire body, she kicked the machine with a full force of both legs. Toppling sideways, the one-eyed man fell to the chasm below. The warrior swung around. “Thanks.” And with a final hit, he broke the last chain holding her captive. I am free! Free! She leaned to the rock in elation, yet dizzy, drained, and her knees buckled. The warrior caught her arm as she wilted, “Not yet. We need to go swimming,” and he grinned a big one.

The second warrior—much youngerran up the goat-path, shouting, “Let’s go. Time is fleeting and death is tougher than it ever was.”

The brawny warrior sheathed the sword, pulled her too him, and wrapped an arm around her waist as they stepped to cliff-edge. They looked down. Mad waters churned upstream, but directly below them the river glided slower and hopefully deep. “What do you think?” asked the second warrior, “A hundred thirty feet?”

“A real leap of faith,” agreed the man holding her. With a quick move he swung her legs upward, cradling Ekhida in both arms.

And then they jumped into an unknown future.

Chapters

10

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Shelby Z. wrote 278 days ago

The Demon's Door Bolt by A.J. Campbell.
This book is very interesting tale and a unique one.
There isn't much to say, but that the book is very well written and the story is well thought out. No flaws in this well crafted story.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Mithun Kalaga wrote 337 days ago

Terrific plot...The beginning of the book is quite marvellous!!!

Bryn Hammond wrote 475 days ago

I bought the book on Amazon; I read it in three days; it's glorious and means a lot to me, steppe-freak that I am. I'll say more in other venues. - Bryn

Update: I've written 1184 words of comment, or billet-doux, on Goodreads. Big for these pages? Go see it there, it's a great site.

X the Unknown33 wrote 521 days ago

hey, not sure if u remember me but we had a comment swap agreement . . . uh . . .LMS, i think 'bout 2 months ago.
anyways, i've read 2 chaps and & i'll have 2 be honest with u, its doesn't quite take the cake 4 me, individually.
But how u introduced your story in the PRO was intriguing. Mystical. And these -in lack of a better word- hints of this going to somehow end up an end days story in historical fiction is COOL.
GL Warrior ;)

X

Su Dan wrote 592 days ago

fascinating book, though l must read more...l shall back if l like...
read SEASONS...

Steppe Warrior wrote 641 days ago

Mr. Campbell,

Thanks for stealing the basic premise of the Roadrunner and Coyote. You can look forward to a law-suit.

Most seriously,
Chuck Jones

Steppe Warrior wrote 644 days ago

Really enjoyed reading the first chapter. You set the mood up well and intrigue the reader. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of fantasy writing but this is written really well and very cleanly. I can imagine this doing really well in its genre. I particularly enjoyed the characterisation of the main female character. Good luck with the novel!



Sarah,
I've been away from the internet for 2 days, just getting back. Thanks for backing the Demon's Door Bolt. What I've posted has actually been cleaned up, but in a 5.25 X 8 Createspace format. In the tale, there are actually more female warriors than males. Glad you enjoy. It's not on many bookshelves because I'm not good at huckstering it. I'll get back to your story either tonight or tomorrow.

best,
A.J.

Ariom Dahl wrote 645 days ago

I started looking at several books on the site yesterday, and found this one to be delightfully off beat. Giving you a good star rating and continuing to read. I see previous comments have included the words 'quirky' and 'tongue-in-cheek' and that's how I found it, too. Maybe when you edit you could get rid of a few exclamation marks, but otherwise it reads well, with an individual style.

sarahdalton wrote 646 days ago

Really enjoyed reading the first chapter. You set the mood up well and intrigue the reader. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of fantasy writing but this is written really well and very cleanly. I can imagine this doing really well in its genre. I particularly enjoyed the characterisation of the main female character. Good luck with the novel!

Steppe Warrior wrote 650 days ago


You mentioned something about Buddha debating with the butcher about the price of pig. Is this a reference to some text? I imagine that Buddha being a vegetarian wouldn't do that.



Olefish, thanks for the comment. I have to use the ao voice due to the large number of characters in this story, on Topside, Hell, Heaven, and Purgatory. The voice varies, sometimes distant and close. Sakyamuni was fairly eclectic in his choice of foods, and his last meal included pork... just the opposite tastes from the Judeans. :)

olefish wrote 650 days ago

I like the amalgamation of mythologies here. It is rather creative. Your use of the omni-pov is also well done. I worry a bit about the rambling quality of the narrative. Even though the narrative voice is interesting, it does remove me further away from the characters

You mentioned something about Buddha debating with the butcher about the price of pig. Is this a reference to some text? I imagine that Buddha being a vegetarian wouldn't do that.

Steppe Warrior wrote 653 days ago

Well, A.J., you did a fairly good job on this one.
As always, your friend,
Giovanni Boccaccio

Sorry. Not enough whining. I caught a bigger fish than you did. So there!
Ernest Hemingway

Needs a little more moralizing. Other than that, I'll read into the second paragraph.
As always,
Dante Allegeri

So what if I described a stone house on one page and said it was wooden on another.
I'm more famous than you are. And I have more dust on my boots. Take a hike.
William Faulkner

AntoinetteBergin wrote 656 days ago

This book is wonderful. The author recommended I read Chapter 4, which I did, and it was comical and beautifully written. So I couldn't resist starting over from the beginning. If you could see me, you would see that I am recommending this book as hard as I can. It's quite straining, really, but it's worth it.

Steppe Warrior wrote 662 days ago

Back to you, Al

I've cleaned up the openers, got the dashes in, and dumped the reduntant "sagely." The fifty-pound draw I had wrangled with before, everything else becoming longer and clunkier, so I left it. Barbarian societies delt in commodites, gems and tin, along with breeding and trading horses, and I figured they could weigh things to the ounce.

I know the style is quirky, not English 101, but it flows-- what you called "word building." I'll drive an editor crazy but the reader is better off for it. A lot in this ms is unconventional, including a large number of reversed anacronyms, espressions like "anal retentive" and "manic depressive." You just don't do that in a historical setting. (But you don't place science fiction in the ancient past, either.) At first I worried, but after two or three dozen, the anomalies became hilarious. And not one reader has mentioned they crush the fictional dream.

Thanks for the read; your input is correct and valuable.

A.J.

CarolinaAl wrote 662 days ago

I read your prologue and first chapter.

General comments: An interesting start. Likable main characters. Thought-provoking narrative. Lyrical prose. Clever wit. Awesome world building. Atmospheric. Vivid imagery. Not a lot of tension in what I read so far. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) You let me know in your message that you occassionally intentionally punctuate narrative preceding dialogue with a comma, so I'll not point those out to you.
2) You also occassionally don't capitalize the first word of narrative sentences following dialogue. With your writing background, I assume that is intentional as well.
3) ' ... when finished it had a fifty pound draw.' This would imply an advanced capacity to measure 'pull' accurately. That's not something I would have expected to find in a bow and arrow society. But, I'll accept this important piece of information as part of your world building.
4) "The symbol represents good fortune. Something you need," she sagely replied. Try to be careful with adverbs. In this case, the dialogue seems wise. As a result, 'sagely' reads redundant to me.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) "What if I refuse?" smirked the Horsebreaker. A 'smirk' is a facial expression. You can't 'smirk' dialogue.
2) "I know it carries all the sharp toys you think you need. Put a closing quote mark after 'need.'
3) Hyphenate 'twenty four.'
4) 'He nephew stood puzzled before him.' 'He' should be 'his.'
5) Hyphenate 'self defense.'
6) Excellent end of chapter hook. Who wouldn't turn the page after reading that line?

I hope this critique helps your further polish your all important opening pages. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a splendid day.

Al

drbeshears wrote 664 days ago

I started on your book today; have only just begun, but I'm definitely being drawn in. Looking forward to going back in. Thanks - David (Climb the Mountain).

D M Sharples wrote 664 days ago

I like this, it has a quirky style, giving it a casual feel which is juxtaposed to the seriousness of the events the characters are facing. Sometimes I feel as though a sentence here and there isn't quite correct, but at the same time I don't know whether I'm right in thinking so or whether it's intentional.

The humour is subtle at times, blatent at others and always welcome.

I feel I would benefit greatly from having a much better knowledge of Asian history, as some of the references are lost on me. However this doesn't really detract from the overall experience.

I think there are some minor issues with punctuation around dialogue tagging, but nothing a light edit wouldn't fix.

Overall this is a good piece of work that draws the reader in nicely, welcomes them (while perhaps pulling faces behind their back) and trots along at a pace which is pleasant and interesting. I shall be reading more.

D M Sharples.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 666 days ago

A.J.,
"The Demon's Door Bolt" with its impressive cast of characters headed by Prester John on one side and Daemon on the other, was to me like a fictional approximation of events leading to the Battle of Armageddon, the Final Showdown. An undercurrent of tongue-in-cheek humour especially in the dynamic between the hero Galen and his centuries-old immortal ex-wife Ekhida, still a virgin, flavoured your meticulous narrative well. Thank you so much for the compelling read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Steppe Warrior wrote 666 days ago

This is a very interesting story. I like the historical richness that is woven into each piece of the story creating a dense web of facts and images. I have only read through Chapter 1, but I look forward to continuing on when time permits me.
Best wishes,
PJ Daley - Birth of the Warrior



Thanks for the comment, Paul

Yes, the story incorporates historical background into a sci-fi tale. We have righteous personages from the past (the resurrected) fighting evil ones from the past (those from Hell) within a story set in a slightly more recent past. This approach-- affixing sci-fantasy into our own human past, our historical background-- is a new concept. At least I think it is.

The DDB is actually my fifth novel, the previous ones (all epic in scale) being "practice." In essence, it has taken me almost 15 years to finalize the single book that is correct. When it happens, you know it. A voice says, "This is IT!" I posted this tale on June 28th and it's now ready to crack below the 300 mark. It's not on that many bookshelves, but the comments are encouraging, some readers asking for the entire ms (which I send via email as a PDF).

The difference in age between you and I is more than 50 years, but we stir the same cauldron. I'm glad to see you've posted your first novel. Brave. You have grit; and the story-line is a rather good one for young adult. Charlie is much like my Galen, both smaller men yet having wit and speed. Keep writing and rewriting. It's the only way to excell. I wrote nonfiction for 40 years and developed decent writing habits, became the top in my field. I gave it all up to write one good novel.

If I might: your Harris says, "Well, yea I have many dreams Charlie...." The word "yea" is rather Biblical, like Jesus speaking, "Yea, I say unto you, Paul. Do not use yea when you can use yuh."

"Flow" to me is important, almost subliminal yet it connects and allows the reader to read faster. When a person is the subject of a paragraph and then speaks, connect the two together. I believe it's tighter that way. Whatever you do, don't give up, just write and then write again in a slightly different way until it becomes "right."

At the moment, my bookshelf is full. These authors need to be there because they have something important to say at the Editor's Desk. I'll read more of your's, hopefully backing BOTW in the future. Likewise, if you do continue reading mine, then appraise it and give it as many stars as you see fit.

We will stay in touch,
A.J. Campbell

PJ Daley wrote 667 days ago

This is a very interesting story. I like the historical richness that is woven into each piece of the story creating a dense web of facts and images. I have only read through Chapter 1, but I look forward to continuing on when time permits me.
Best wishes,
PJ Daley - Birth of the Warrior

Steppe Warrior wrote 669 days ago

I like what I have read so far. There is a real flavour of the passage of time in it and many colourful images and I aim to read moore soon. I find your narrative style easy to follow and the story just flows as a result. I think you will go really far with this. I think everyone has preconceptions and fears about the world ending and not necessarily rooted in the Bible..."

Hello Melanie,

Thanks for reading part of the DDB. Frankly, I have no idea where this fluid style came from. I have been writing for 40 years, and then suddenly!-- something that might mimic the profluency of Homer if we could read him in original Greek. I agree that the End of Times doesn't specifically relate to the Bible. In the tale, my characters (especially later with Galen the Physician) actually question the very existance of God and even the human soul. He puts it this way (speaking through an omnipotent voice)-- "We are what we believe we are."

I'm proud of the DDB. It sends an important message in such a subtle and humorous way. Yet it's a message we particularly need in this day and age. It let's us know that all of us have a potential for greatness, even the humble and poor. Although the landscape is foreign (the steppes), much like another planet, the characters are us, we humans who can rise above handicaps, mental of physical.

Not many people are reading this tale. It sits on only 14 shelves. But I thank you for what you've read and hope you might read more. If you can give it a high star rating, that would help.

Again, thanks so much
A.J.

Steppe Warrior wrote 669 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT (Part Two)
A. J. Campbell

Nine hours later and I have finished reading all you have given me. I was right after reading the first chapter. This is a brilliant piece of work. I am really speechless with awe over what you have accomplished. Threading in the entities of the past, done with delicious humor and subtlety makes of this a libretto so finely tuned it overcomes the reader. I just felt as if I could not stop reading. I laughed out loud so many times throughout. I congratulate you on this accomplishment of world building.

I would love to read more. I'll send you my e mail address if you would allow me to take you up on your offer.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time



Hello Mary,

First, I was beginning to wonder if anyone had actually read the DDB chapters I posted. And second, thank you so much for your kindness. I wanted to produce a tale (not really a "story") that combined the best of old legends, the best of what we humans could be, and then transfer these qualities into an artifical brain that believes it's alive.

By now, you're aware of how much of the Arthurian legend surfaces in this story, especially Uther who first comes across as a yarn-spinning old man. Most male characters are elderly, and the physical prowess is given to the women-- Ekhida, Vishpala, Valeriana, and Amanirena. I don't know if you've met Mungo the Obvious and his "royal family" yet; but this is a raising of the humble and poor to a heroic status. I'm very proud of this novel because it carries a fine message in such a humorous way.

I had no friends here on Authonomy (other than perhaps Jack Cerro), but I'm pleased to find another Arthurian buff. I've spent more than a decade trying to connect Arthur with a possible historical background. Much of the Legend appears to come from the steppes (the Grail, the sword in the stones, and especially Merlin). That's why I wrote Forging the Blade. But the DDB has real potential, a novel we humans particularly need at this point in time.

I would love to have you finish reading the novel. Send your email address to me at steppe.warrior@gmail.com and I will return a finished PDF. This is the "almost final" version. I'm accepting input and pulling typos until around the fist of Aug. When I finish the cover, the whole thing goes to Createspace. Thank you for backing it, especially since it's only on 14 bookshelves. Why it has risen steadily in the ranks, I have no idea.

Most sincerely,
A.J.

PS: Oh! By the way, I appear to be "online" all the time. I just don't check in and out... because I've forgotten my what-cha-ma-call-it. I'm penning from my work computer, and the my laptop with the PDF is at home.

Sharahzade wrote 669 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT (Part Two)
A. J. Campbell

Nine hours later and I have finished reading all you have given me. I was right after reading the first chapter. This is a brilliant piece of work. I am really speechless with awe over what you have accomplished. Threading in the entities of the past, done with delicious humor and subtlety makes of this a libretto so finely tuned it overcomes the reader. I just felt as if I could not stop reading. I laughed out loud so many times throughout. I congratulate you on this accomplishment of world building.

I would love to read more. I'll send you my e mail address if you would allow me to take you up on your offer.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Sharahzade wrote 669 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT
A. J. Campbell

Ah the gods must be guiding your gift for telling such a wonderous story. I long for the innocence of a land such as you describe. A place where one can drink in the essence of nature and bask in the luxury of the scenes you show us. Reading it gave me a sense of peace, contentment, the natural order of life and the simple pleasure of living with honor.

The opening lulled me into a reverie that foreshadows something to come that will displace all that exists at this moment in time. Why I feel that, I cannot say. It is all too perfect and the sort of story that makes me yearn for a time such as this. I believe you inspire courage from the beginning so that what may come will be met with valor.

Call it Fantasy, Science Fiction or just excellent story telling, I love the beginning of this novel and wish it were all here so I could set out on a quest along with you to the end. I intend to read all you have posted but I have seen enough to give you all the stars in my possession and back this beautiful introduction to your story.

With admiration, sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Margaret Trevelyan wrote 669 days ago

I like what I have read so far. There is a real flavour of the passage of time in it and many colourful images and I aim to read moore soon. I find your narrative style easy to follow and the story just flows as a result. I think you will go really far with this. I think everyone has preconceptions and fears about the world ending and not necessarily rooted in the Bible. I like the character of Ekhida. She interests me, probably because, like most of us, I sometimes wonder what immortality would be like. Her conversation with the boy was natural and insightful. I will add to my w/l and try and find shelf space in the future. Good luck with it!

Steppe Warrior wrote 679 days ago

This book very Science Ficition. In the message you sent me you said that the book is very dark but give a good meaning or something like that. I agree sometimes things that are dark teaches us meaning about life. Keep up the good work.



Hi Danielle,

Forging the Blade is the "darker" of the two novels, and probably the most straight-forward historically and the more literary. The events actually happened in what is now Rumania. I thank you for putting it on your shelf, the only person who has.

The Demon's Door Bolt is much lighter, sometimes comical, even though it deals with a catastrophic subject. It also flows at a very fast pace. It might be "pulp" fiction, but the message is a good one. This one is ready for publishing; and I am now formatting it into a template for Createspace. I can thank Owen Quinn (here on Authonomy) and my son Jason for urging me on. Work on your own ms, don't give up, and give it all your love.

Most Sincerely,
A.J.

DThomas wrote 681 days ago

This book very Science Ficition. In the message you sent me you said that the book is very dark but give a good meaning or something like that. I agree sometimes things that are dark teaches us meaning about life. Keep up the good work.

Steppe Warrior wrote 682 days ago

It sort of gives me a new refreshed look on Science Fiction. Quite enjoyable. Continue the good work :)



Thanks, AunaJune

The good work needs to be done, simply because the DDB has an important message needed by all of us on this planet. Usually sci-fi dwells on other planets or in the future. I chose an early point in time and on Earth. We find three major dimensions: the Upper World, Hell, and Heaven... plus a fourth, the Purgatory of a self-serving Church. It's all about us, God, machines, and the soul, under the veil of action-adventure. I'm working on it daily. Just an old man's way of speaking the truth.

best,
A.J.

AunaJune wrote 683 days ago

It sort of gives me a new refreshed look on Science Fiction. Quite enjoyable. Continue the good work :)

Steppe Warrior wrote 683 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned



BillyS,

Thanks for taking a look at the DDB. It was in the weekly top five until today and then it plummeted. I think someone dropped it from their shelf. A hard racket, this one. My best on yours.

A.J.

billysunday wrote 684 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned

billysunday wrote 684 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned

Steppe Warrior wrote 685 days ago

I rarely like prologues, but yours is effective. I wonder if all of it is necessary, though? Perhaps a slight trim would strengthen it? I feel your story really kicks off in chapter 1. I think the sooner we get to it, the better.

I usually keep track of suggestions, but I got caught up in the story, I had very few. I suggest limiting your use of exclamation points. There are quite a few in your prologue. You do a good job of avoiding unnecessary adverbs for the most part. Is "quickly" necessary? There were a few others here and there, so always check to make sure they strengthen your narrative. I'm not sure I agree with the science fiction label. It's much more fantasy in my opinion.



Joshua,

Thanks for the suggestions; some already applied. I know the prologue is weaker than chap.1 but I want to keep it. The interaction between Ekhida and the young hunter serves to introduce her and hints of a love interest. She will always think about him until they meet again. The prologue actually saves a lot of verbiage (no setup, no courtship). My goal is to keep this ms under 100,000 words.

It's historical in the presence of current world leaders of the period (year 500), but it gets science-fictiony when we tour Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell, and especially when the one-eyed men appear. I don't want to drop too many spoilers.

Best,
A.J

Joshua Jacobs wrote 686 days ago


Wow. What an imagination you have. It's obvious you've put a ton of thought into your world and the story you've developed. I'm intrigued!

There's a distinct voice in this. I love how it opens. It sets the perfect mood for a legendary story of epic proportion. It's well-executed, too. The sentences are tightly written and flow smoothly together.

My favorite aspect of this novel, though, is the premise. Not only is this the type of novel I love, but it's extremely marketable. I could see this one on bookshelves.

I rarely like prologues, but yours is effective. I wonder if all of it is necessary, though? Perhaps a slight trim would strengthen it? I feel your story really kicks off in chapter 1. I think the sooner we get to it, the better.

I usually keep track of suggestions, but I got caught up in the story, I had very few. I suggest limiting your use of exclamation points. There are quite a few in your prologue. You do a good job of avoiding unnecessary adverbs for the most part. Is "quickly" necessary? There were a few others here and there, so always check to make sure they strengthen your narrative. I'm not sure I agree with the science fiction label. It's much more fantasy in my opinion.

Minor typos: You need a period instead of a comma at the end of "He arose and stood straight." Same with, "She strode closer." This continues almost every time you use dialogue. Only use a comma when you're using a verb related to speech (i.e. said, asked, etc). At the same time, "He shrugged in simple trust" needs to begin with a capital for the same reason. Other than those minor mistakes, this is very well edited.

This is an excellent start, and I look forward to reading more. Highly rated! Great job!

CMTStibbe wrote 689 days ago

The Demon’s Door Bolt is a stunning book. It is so easy to visualize the setting and its unique characters. Master story-tellers and wordsmiths are hard to find especially in this age. I have missed such beautiful writing and authentic dialogue. High stars. This is definitely my type of read. On W/l until space comes available. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Steppe Warrior wrote 689 days ago

Hm, AJ, I didn't have a lot of time, but this looks fantastic. I'll read more later - highly rated for now. :)



Monicque,

Thanks for the quick look. The DDB puts women in their place-- right at the kick-ass TOP. I hope you get a chance to start a read, perhaps finding a few laughs. Even Aunt Beatrice (stolen from Dante) wheels her weight around.

best,
A.J.

monicque wrote 690 days ago

Hm, AJ, I didn't have a lot of time, but this looks fantastic. I'll read more later - highly rated for now. :)

mrsdfwt wrote 693 days ago

After reading two chapters of "The Demon's Door Bolt", i came to the conclusion that this is definitely a different read for me, but i love it.
A boy becomes a man and kills a stag to feed many mouths.
A cursed immortal exclaims: 'Men!They're such frigging jerks.'
A horsebreaker wanders in the steppe, although he could live in a palace.
We witness bustling streets, mud-brick tenements, and hucksters pushing their wares.

This is a very challenging read and i must admit i can't wait to read further, although i would recommend copy editing it, especially the prologue.
The command of the English language is exquisite, and being a fan of Mythology in general, i find this read fascinating.
Six stars and placed in line for the shelf.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

viento wrote 694 days ago

Welcome to Authonomy A.J and you've had a great start! Love the pitch - just my sort of book : )

You're book is on my watchlist until I have a little time to give it the attention it deserves.

lizjrnm wrote 695 days ago

WOW! You have one gifted imagination! Cover is eye-catching an dthe pitch sells the book store browser. Id buy it so Im backing it for talented writing and a great storyline. Starred as well.

Liz
The Cheech Room

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