Book Jacket

 

rank 1296
word count 51379
date submitted 28.06.2011
date updated 08.10.2011
genres: Historical Fiction, Science Fiction...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Demon's Door Bolt; a Tale of End-Time Panic as a Prelude to the Total Absence of EVERYTHING

A.J. Campbell

Hell's Gates are open, and Daemon prepares for Armageddon. World leaders consider it rumor, and only a bumbling Magus and handicapped warriors can save Earth.

 

The Earth's Door Bolt in Hyperboria has been breeched. The year is 499, the gates of Hell are open as Daemon prepares to conceive the Antichrist and bring his minions to the Upperworld. The major empires-- Rome and Persia-- believe the opening of Hell's gate is a fantastic rumor. Only Prester John and his Grail Warriors are left to fight the Prince of Darkness.

But there's a slight problem. Prester John panics and resurrects five handicapped warriors. The sixth warrior is chained to the Rock of Prometheus, and the prophesized seventh warrior has yet to be found.

The water-clock is running dry! Can the Grail Warriors and steppe barbarians "kill" ten million dead guys and save the World? Maybe... with a little help from Mungo the Obvious, the Machina ex Deus, plus Raphael Jabar and his twenty-seventh Thirteenth Yurt.

The Demon's Door Bolt is complete at 99K (give or take a small k)
If you need more chapters, contact me.

 
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demons, flying gryphons, handicapped warriors, shrinking cosmos, sun tzu, swords, the avars, the devil, uther pendragon

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Prologue: The Ring of Four Virtues 

    Once upon a time, between the Fall of Troy and Rise of Empires, there lived an age of mighty gryphons. Who might recall them if not for truths of Aristeas or Aeschylus? Without the poets, no-one would have known they lived at all. Above the steppes, they claimed forests where a swift river—the Ural—carved the Magyars from the Hyperborians, a wild place, cold for seven  months, a northern land of deep white drifts. So fierce were gryphons that not a man could tame them yet they purred to Ekhida the Ageless, rubbing against her timeless strength, grisly Ekhida the last Amazon. In the pines at the base of Mont Ripar, they lined their nests with sparkling gold, nuggets and carbuncles larger than their own paws, such a treasure that not a man could keep himself from attempting to steal it; and all those who tried were eaten by these flying beasts.

    Years passed and men died from their own greed. Empires arose and fell to the whims of fate. Tales were copied by unknown scribes; and no-one knew if they were recording truth or humored fancy. The stories were too aged, their origins lost in times gone. Were they history run amok or bald-faced lies? Not a man alive could recall such wonders!—yet one tale seemed particularly heroic and survived to reach us. It actually begins before the beginning….

*     *     *

 In the year when a green dragon flew above fresh lakes, in the season of unfurling ferns when white blossoms pushed through rotting leaves, a day came when a boy arrived at the mountain upon the back of a pale horse. He tethered his mount and entered the forest with a full quiver and sinewed bow, for he was a young hunter. Ekhida watched his every move from deep within the shadows, the way he walked with stealth, the carriage of his stride; and it seemed he was less a boy than a young man. Hours passed, and the boy continued deeper through the wood. He stopped now and then, studying tracks of creatures living within Mont Ripar’s secrets, and then he found the trail he searched for. The boy followed the deer until late afternoon when he finally viewed his prey—a great white stag—twenty paces from where he stood. He watched it feed upon buds of spruce, yet he never raised his bow, turning from the deer as if not fit to shoot. He searched for other tracks; and at day’s end, when the sun plunged below western skies, he struck flint to steel and built a fire to chase the night’s chill. Thus he sat with legs crossed and cradling his bow.

For a time Ekhida watched him. He appeared to neither sleep nor eat, only sitting into the night. What kind of boy is this? she could only wonder! For never had a man held such silence, not speaking to himself or crushing twigs when he walked. And to spend a night in vigil at such a young age? These were traits of elder men, of shamans and seers, not in the realm of boyhood. She smiled. And turning her gaze, she retraced her path to a glade of comfort. Not building her own fire, she wrapped herself tighter in a wolfen coat, waiting for the dawn.

Upon the second day, Ekhida found the boy gone, the embers of his fire covered with fresh soil. Again she tracked him. As the day unfolded, he continued higher along the slopes of Mont Ripar, avoiding nests of gryphons, even their footprints. She found his tracks crossing those of a doe, yet he did not veer. In the second hour, she caught up with him. To her surprise, he was gutting his quarry, not a doe or spike-horn but the greatness of a red stag. The buck had lived a decade, perhaps longer, yet fell to the arrow of one so young. She waited in the shadows, hidden and wishing to know his next move. The boy removed the innards, all except the heart; and then grasping an antler, he began pulling the stag down the mountainside. He would stop to catch a breath—for the stag weighed far more than he did!

At the sun’s height, he reclined weary next to his prize. Ekhida circled his path and approached from the south; and at ten paces, she plucked a twig to snap it. He jumped to his feet! His eyes flared wide, his mouth aslack, and then he dropped to a knee and bowed before her.

In a world as she knew it, in all the centuries recalled, she had never seen the kneel of respect. She had known men of all ages and deportments, most out for all they might take. They usually perished, either from her hand or claws of her pets, yet this youth humbled himself before her. Nearly at a loss of words, she quizzed, “Why do you kneel, boy? Stand to me.”

He arose and stood straight, “You are Ekhida the Ageless, Queen of the Eighth Kingdom and Guard of the Demon’s Doorbolt.”

She strode closer, “So you know who I am. You passed a doe and could have shot the white stag. Yet you chose this one instead. Why?”

No one should kill what is sacred; and a doe feeds not many. This is my rite to manhood. Eleven boys left the tribe, and each will return as a man. Some will give hares to their fathers. Others will return with a doe. I traveled further. A stag is hard to find, but it fills many mouths. I have no father, so I will give it to my mother and those who need it.

Ekhida watched his eyes studying hers, “Sit and talk. I seldom speak to men, especially ones so young.” And they sat to face each other.

The boy cradled his bow again, his face flushing, “I thought you would look like a witch and have gray hair. But you are beautiful.”

“I’m immortal, not old. There is a difference,” she laughed, quickly changing the subject to her own interest, “You feared not the gryphons. Why?”

“Gryphons kill those who wish to steal their gold. I only wanted a stag. Why would they harm me?” he shrugged in simple trust.

They continued to talk, Ekhida asking most of the questions as the sun arced overhead. His father died from a well-aimed arrow, and he became his mother’s protector while still a child. He built his own bow, waiting months while the glue cured; and when finished it had a fifty pound draw. Most youths could not have flexed it! The day was fleeting, and this boy (who called himself a man) had yet to drag his prize to the awaiting horse. He alone had to do it. And so she stood, as he did likewise. She slipped a band from her finger, wanting to place it upon his hand, to actually touch his flesh, for she believed it carried great warmth. But she could only toss it to him, “Take this bronze band. It carries a symbol of the Four Virtues—strength, courage, honor, and wisdom. Few men acquire them. Wear it as a reminder.”

He beamed, sliding it to his right hand,It must be old. Why me?”

“The symbol represents good fortune. Something you need,” she sagely replied. He nodded and thanked her. And grasping the stag’s antlers, he began his labor down the mountain. She watched him go until he disappeared in the forest below. Her own age seemed beyond counting and she envied his innocence of youth. Old men died before acquiring what he had. The irony of it wrought a flash of sadness; for the scraps she knew of him were far less than wished. He was a Magyar from the east, a people searching for land to pasture and plant. She convinced them to remain on the steppe of the Eighth Kingdom, a buffer against the Huns, the tribe that eventually killed his father. She knew not his name or that of his present chieftain. They lived upon a great veldt far beyond her mountain world. Yet they raised a boy correctly, a youth who carried four virtues, becoming a man before his rightful age. And more remarkable, he claimed she was “beautiful” in an honest manner. A long time it was since anyone said it; and when they did, they always wanted something. But not the boy. It was just a statement he believed as truth.

Ekhida stood alone again, only the gryphons as her comfort. Beyond guarding the Demon’s Door Bolt, they were her eternal charge. Had she not offended the gods, she would be free to live a life she wished. She stood within her own prison, an ache climbing tight to chest. What a fine man the youth would become. The sounds of him dragging the deer were fading; and she feared how to recall him, whether as a boy or a future lover lost.

*     *     *

Seasons rolled as the earth squeaked on its peculiar axis and stars leisurely spun overhead. Time marched its consistent pace, lands were conquered, others discovered as brave men crossed the Great Wall to eat noodles with thin sticks and drink tea from hard-glazed cups.

Stalwart men sailed distant seas in search of Atlantis, only to find oddly strange lands—Ultima Thule and Fiddlestomp Zydeco. The natives were even odder! Some paddled skin boats and speared water unicorns, ugly creatures; whilst others danced mostly naked in dripping forests. Rather confounding discoveries! Wise men east to west and north to south realized the world had more varying mortals than they thought it did. Yet no-one fancied disparate peoples banding together in some great crisis. An ancient and impervious axiom held it firm—panicking mortals, even heroes, from differing cultures could not accomplish a common goal.

But you never imagine what you cannot foresee. Life took its usual turns, potters turned clay bowls, senators schemed to win elections, farmers ploughed their fields, and Ekhida the Ageless continued guarding the Demon’s Door Bolt.

Years progressed as they always did, ever expanding from the Maker’s hand, and not one soul realized the clock would break and time itself would cease functioning.

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Shelby Z. wrote 274 days ago

The Demon's Door Bolt by A.J. Campbell.
This book is very interesting tale and a unique one.
There isn't much to say, but that the book is very well written and the story is well thought out. No flaws in this well crafted story.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Mithun Kalaga wrote 333 days ago

Terrific plot...The beginning of the book is quite marvellous!!!

Bryn Hammond wrote 471 days ago

I bought the book on Amazon; I read it in three days; it's glorious and means a lot to me, steppe-freak that I am. I'll say more in other venues. - Bryn

Update: I've written 1184 words of comment, or billet-doux, on Goodreads. Big for these pages? Go see it there, it's a great site.

X the Unknown33 wrote 516 days ago

hey, not sure if u remember me but we had a comment swap agreement . . . uh . . .LMS, i think 'bout 2 months ago.
anyways, i've read 2 chaps and & i'll have 2 be honest with u, its doesn't quite take the cake 4 me, individually.
But how u introduced your story in the PRO was intriguing. Mystical. And these -in lack of a better word- hints of this going to somehow end up an end days story in historical fiction is COOL.
GL Warrior ;)

X

Su Dan wrote 588 days ago

fascinating book, though l must read more...l shall back if l like...
read SEASONS...

Steppe Warrior wrote 636 days ago

Mr. Campbell,

Thanks for stealing the basic premise of the Roadrunner and Coyote. You can look forward to a law-suit.

Most seriously,
Chuck Jones

Steppe Warrior wrote 639 days ago

Really enjoyed reading the first chapter. You set the mood up well and intrigue the reader. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of fantasy writing but this is written really well and very cleanly. I can imagine this doing really well in its genre. I particularly enjoyed the characterisation of the main female character. Good luck with the novel!



Sarah,
I've been away from the internet for 2 days, just getting back. Thanks for backing the Demon's Door Bolt. What I've posted has actually been cleaned up, but in a 5.25 X 8 Createspace format. In the tale, there are actually more female warriors than males. Glad you enjoy. It's not on many bookshelves because I'm not good at huckstering it. I'll get back to your story either tonight or tomorrow.

best,
A.J.

Ariom Dahl wrote 641 days ago

I started looking at several books on the site yesterday, and found this one to be delightfully off beat. Giving you a good star rating and continuing to read. I see previous comments have included the words 'quirky' and 'tongue-in-cheek' and that's how I found it, too. Maybe when you edit you could get rid of a few exclamation marks, but otherwise it reads well, with an individual style.

sarahdalton wrote 642 days ago

Really enjoyed reading the first chapter. You set the mood up well and intrigue the reader. I'm not a huge fan of this kind of fantasy writing but this is written really well and very cleanly. I can imagine this doing really well in its genre. I particularly enjoyed the characterisation of the main female character. Good luck with the novel!

Steppe Warrior wrote 645 days ago


You mentioned something about Buddha debating with the butcher about the price of pig. Is this a reference to some text? I imagine that Buddha being a vegetarian wouldn't do that.



Olefish, thanks for the comment. I have to use the ao voice due to the large number of characters in this story, on Topside, Hell, Heaven, and Purgatory. The voice varies, sometimes distant and close. Sakyamuni was fairly eclectic in his choice of foods, and his last meal included pork... just the opposite tastes from the Judeans. :)

olefish wrote 646 days ago

I like the amalgamation of mythologies here. It is rather creative. Your use of the omni-pov is also well done. I worry a bit about the rambling quality of the narrative. Even though the narrative voice is interesting, it does remove me further away from the characters

You mentioned something about Buddha debating with the butcher about the price of pig. Is this a reference to some text? I imagine that Buddha being a vegetarian wouldn't do that.

Steppe Warrior wrote 649 days ago

Well, A.J., you did a fairly good job on this one.
As always, your friend,
Giovanni Boccaccio

Sorry. Not enough whining. I caught a bigger fish than you did. So there!
Ernest Hemingway

Needs a little more moralizing. Other than that, I'll read into the second paragraph.
As always,
Dante Allegeri

So what if I described a stone house on one page and said it was wooden on another.
I'm more famous than you are. And I have more dust on my boots. Take a hike.
William Faulkner

AntoinetteBergin wrote 652 days ago

This book is wonderful. The author recommended I read Chapter 4, which I did, and it was comical and beautifully written. So I couldn't resist starting over from the beginning. If you could see me, you would see that I am recommending this book as hard as I can. It's quite straining, really, but it's worth it.

Steppe Warrior wrote 658 days ago

Back to you, Al

I've cleaned up the openers, got the dashes in, and dumped the reduntant "sagely." The fifty-pound draw I had wrangled with before, everything else becoming longer and clunkier, so I left it. Barbarian societies delt in commodites, gems and tin, along with breeding and trading horses, and I figured they could weigh things to the ounce.

I know the style is quirky, not English 101, but it flows-- what you called "word building." I'll drive an editor crazy but the reader is better off for it. A lot in this ms is unconventional, including a large number of reversed anacronyms, espressions like "anal retentive" and "manic depressive." You just don't do that in a historical setting. (But you don't place science fiction in the ancient past, either.) At first I worried, but after two or three dozen, the anomalies became hilarious. And not one reader has mentioned they crush the fictional dream.

Thanks for the read; your input is correct and valuable.

A.J.

CarolinaAl wrote 658 days ago

I read your prologue and first chapter.

General comments: An interesting start. Likable main characters. Thought-provoking narrative. Lyrical prose. Clever wit. Awesome world building. Atmospheric. Vivid imagery. Not a lot of tension in what I read so far. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the prologue:
1) You let me know in your message that you occassionally intentionally punctuate narrative preceding dialogue with a comma, so I'll not point those out to you.
2) You also occassionally don't capitalize the first word of narrative sentences following dialogue. With your writing background, I assume that is intentional as well.
3) ' ... when finished it had a fifty pound draw.' This would imply an advanced capacity to measure 'pull' accurately. That's not something I would have expected to find in a bow and arrow society. But, I'll accept this important piece of information as part of your world building.
4) "The symbol represents good fortune. Something you need," she sagely replied. Try to be careful with adverbs. In this case, the dialogue seems wise. As a result, 'sagely' reads redundant to me.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) "What if I refuse?" smirked the Horsebreaker. A 'smirk' is a facial expression. You can't 'smirk' dialogue.
2) "I know it carries all the sharp toys you think you need. Put a closing quote mark after 'need.'
3) Hyphenate 'twenty four.'
4) 'He nephew stood puzzled before him.' 'He' should be 'his.'
5) Hyphenate 'self defense.'
6) Excellent end of chapter hook. Who wouldn't turn the page after reading that line?

I hope this critique helps your further polish your all important opening pages. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a splendid day.

Al

drbeshears wrote 660 days ago

I started on your book today; have only just begun, but I'm definitely being drawn in. Looking forward to going back in. Thanks - David (Climb the Mountain).

D M Sharples wrote 660 days ago

I like this, it has a quirky style, giving it a casual feel which is juxtaposed to the seriousness of the events the characters are facing. Sometimes I feel as though a sentence here and there isn't quite correct, but at the same time I don't know whether I'm right in thinking so or whether it's intentional.

The humour is subtle at times, blatent at others and always welcome.

I feel I would benefit greatly from having a much better knowledge of Asian history, as some of the references are lost on me. However this doesn't really detract from the overall experience.

I think there are some minor issues with punctuation around dialogue tagging, but nothing a light edit wouldn't fix.

Overall this is a good piece of work that draws the reader in nicely, welcomes them (while perhaps pulling faces behind their back) and trots along at a pace which is pleasant and interesting. I shall be reading more.

D M Sharples.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 662 days ago

A.J.,
"The Demon's Door Bolt" with its impressive cast of characters headed by Prester John on one side and Daemon on the other, was to me like a fictional approximation of events leading to the Battle of Armageddon, the Final Showdown. An undercurrent of tongue-in-cheek humour especially in the dynamic between the hero Galen and his centuries-old immortal ex-wife Ekhida, still a virgin, flavoured your meticulous narrative well. Thank you so much for the compelling read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Steppe Warrior wrote 662 days ago

This is a very interesting story. I like the historical richness that is woven into each piece of the story creating a dense web of facts and images. I have only read through Chapter 1, but I look forward to continuing on when time permits me.
Best wishes,
PJ Daley - Birth of the Warrior



Thanks for the comment, Paul

Yes, the story incorporates historical background into a sci-fi tale. We have righteous personages from the past (the resurrected) fighting evil ones from the past (those from Hell) within a story set in a slightly more recent past. This approach-- affixing sci-fantasy into our own human past, our historical background-- is a new concept. At least I think it is.

The DDB is actually my fifth novel, the previous ones (all epic in scale) being "practice." In essence, it has taken me almost 15 years to finalize the single book that is correct. When it happens, you know it. A voice says, "This is IT!" I posted this tale on June 28th and it's now ready to crack below the 300 mark. It's not on that many bookshelves, but the comments are encouraging, some readers asking for the entire ms (which I send via email as a PDF).

The difference in age between you and I is more than 50 years, but we stir the same cauldron. I'm glad to see you've posted your first novel. Brave. You have grit; and the story-line is a rather good one for young adult. Charlie is much like my Galen, both smaller men yet having wit and speed. Keep writing and rewriting. It's the only way to excell. I wrote nonfiction for 40 years and developed decent writing habits, became the top in my field. I gave it all up to write one good novel.

If I might: your Harris says, "Well, yea I have many dreams Charlie...." The word "yea" is rather Biblical, like Jesus speaking, "Yea, I say unto you, Paul. Do not use yea when you can use yuh."

"Flow" to me is important, almost subliminal yet it connects and allows the reader to read faster. When a person is the subject of a paragraph and then speaks, connect the two together. I believe it's tighter that way. Whatever you do, don't give up, just write and then write again in a slightly different way until it becomes "right."

At the moment, my bookshelf is full. These authors need to be there because they have something important to say at the Editor's Desk. I'll read more of your's, hopefully backing BOTW in the future. Likewise, if you do continue reading mine, then appraise it and give it as many stars as you see fit.

We will stay in touch,
A.J. Campbell

PJ Daley wrote 662 days ago

This is a very interesting story. I like the historical richness that is woven into each piece of the story creating a dense web of facts and images. I have only read through Chapter 1, but I look forward to continuing on when time permits me.
Best wishes,
PJ Daley - Birth of the Warrior

Steppe Warrior wrote 664 days ago

I like what I have read so far. There is a real flavour of the passage of time in it and many colourful images and I aim to read moore soon. I find your narrative style easy to follow and the story just flows as a result. I think you will go really far with this. I think everyone has preconceptions and fears about the world ending and not necessarily rooted in the Bible..."

Hello Melanie,

Thanks for reading part of the DDB. Frankly, I have no idea where this fluid style came from. I have been writing for 40 years, and then suddenly!-- something that might mimic the profluency of Homer if we could read him in original Greek. I agree that the End of Times doesn't specifically relate to the Bible. In the tale, my characters (especially later with Galen the Physician) actually question the very existance of God and even the human soul. He puts it this way (speaking through an omnipotent voice)-- "We are what we believe we are."

I'm proud of the DDB. It sends an important message in such a subtle and humorous way. Yet it's a message we particularly need in this day and age. It let's us know that all of us have a potential for greatness, even the humble and poor. Although the landscape is foreign (the steppes), much like another planet, the characters are us, we humans who can rise above handicaps, mental of physical.

Not many people are reading this tale. It sits on only 14 shelves. But I thank you for what you've read and hope you might read more. If you can give it a high star rating, that would help.

Again, thanks so much
A.J.

Steppe Warrior wrote 664 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT (Part Two)
A. J. Campbell

Nine hours later and I have finished reading all you have given me. I was right after reading the first chapter. This is a brilliant piece of work. I am really speechless with awe over what you have accomplished. Threading in the entities of the past, done with delicious humor and subtlety makes of this a libretto so finely tuned it overcomes the reader. I just felt as if I could not stop reading. I laughed out loud so many times throughout. I congratulate you on this accomplishment of world building.

I would love to read more. I'll send you my e mail address if you would allow me to take you up on your offer.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time



Hello Mary,

First, I was beginning to wonder if anyone had actually read the DDB chapters I posted. And second, thank you so much for your kindness. I wanted to produce a tale (not really a "story") that combined the best of old legends, the best of what we humans could be, and then transfer these qualities into an artifical brain that believes it's alive.

By now, you're aware of how much of the Arthurian legend surfaces in this story, especially Uther who first comes across as a yarn-spinning old man. Most male characters are elderly, and the physical prowess is given to the women-- Ekhida, Vishpala, Valeriana, and Amanirena. I don't know if you've met Mungo the Obvious and his "royal family" yet; but this is a raising of the humble and poor to a heroic status. I'm very proud of this novel because it carries a fine message in such a humorous way.

I had no friends here on Authonomy (other than perhaps Jack Cerro), but I'm pleased to find another Arthurian buff. I've spent more than a decade trying to connect Arthur with a possible historical background. Much of the Legend appears to come from the steppes (the Grail, the sword in the stones, and especially Merlin). That's why I wrote Forging the Blade. But the DDB has real potential, a novel we humans particularly need at this point in time.

I would love to have you finish reading the novel. Send your email address to me at steppe.warrior@gmail.com and I will return a finished PDF. This is the "almost final" version. I'm accepting input and pulling typos until around the fist of Aug. When I finish the cover, the whole thing goes to Createspace. Thank you for backing it, especially since it's only on 14 bookshelves. Why it has risen steadily in the ranks, I have no idea.

Most sincerely,
A.J.

PS: Oh! By the way, I appear to be "online" all the time. I just don't check in and out... because I've forgotten my what-cha-ma-call-it. I'm penning from my work computer, and the my laptop with the PDF is at home.

Sharahzade wrote 664 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT (Part Two)
A. J. Campbell

Nine hours later and I have finished reading all you have given me. I was right after reading the first chapter. This is a brilliant piece of work. I am really speechless with awe over what you have accomplished. Threading in the entities of the past, done with delicious humor and subtlety makes of this a libretto so finely tuned it overcomes the reader. I just felt as if I could not stop reading. I laughed out loud so many times throughout. I congratulate you on this accomplishment of world building.

I would love to read more. I'll send you my e mail address if you would allow me to take you up on your offer.

Sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Sharahzade wrote 665 days ago

THE DEMON'S DOOR BOLT
A. J. Campbell

Ah the gods must be guiding your gift for telling such a wonderous story. I long for the innocence of a land such as you describe. A place where one can drink in the essence of nature and bask in the luxury of the scenes you show us. Reading it gave me a sense of peace, contentment, the natural order of life and the simple pleasure of living with honor.

The opening lulled me into a reverie that foreshadows something to come that will displace all that exists at this moment in time. Why I feel that, I cannot say. It is all too perfect and the sort of story that makes me yearn for a time such as this. I believe you inspire courage from the beginning so that what may come will be met with valor.

Call it Fantasy, Science Fiction or just excellent story telling, I love the beginning of this novel and wish it were all here so I could set out on a quest along with you to the end. I intend to read all you have posted but I have seen enough to give you all the stars in my possession and back this beautiful introduction to your story.

With admiration, sincerely,

Mary Enck
A King in Time

Margaret Trevelyan wrote 665 days ago

I like what I have read so far. There is a real flavour of the passage of time in it and many colourful images and I aim to read moore soon. I find your narrative style easy to follow and the story just flows as a result. I think you will go really far with this. I think everyone has preconceptions and fears about the world ending and not necessarily rooted in the Bible. I like the character of Ekhida. She interests me, probably because, like most of us, I sometimes wonder what immortality would be like. Her conversation with the boy was natural and insightful. I will add to my w/l and try and find shelf space in the future. Good luck with it!

Steppe Warrior wrote 674 days ago

This book very Science Ficition. In the message you sent me you said that the book is very dark but give a good meaning or something like that. I agree sometimes things that are dark teaches us meaning about life. Keep up the good work.



Hi Danielle,

Forging the Blade is the "darker" of the two novels, and probably the most straight-forward historically and the more literary. The events actually happened in what is now Rumania. I thank you for putting it on your shelf, the only person who has.

The Demon's Door Bolt is much lighter, sometimes comical, even though it deals with a catastrophic subject. It also flows at a very fast pace. It might be "pulp" fiction, but the message is a good one. This one is ready for publishing; and I am now formatting it into a template for Createspace. I can thank Owen Quinn (here on Authonomy) and my son Jason for urging me on. Work on your own ms, don't give up, and give it all your love.

Most Sincerely,
A.J.

DThomas wrote 677 days ago

This book very Science Ficition. In the message you sent me you said that the book is very dark but give a good meaning or something like that. I agree sometimes things that are dark teaches us meaning about life. Keep up the good work.

Steppe Warrior wrote 678 days ago

It sort of gives me a new refreshed look on Science Fiction. Quite enjoyable. Continue the good work :)



Thanks, AunaJune

The good work needs to be done, simply because the DDB has an important message needed by all of us on this planet. Usually sci-fi dwells on other planets or in the future. I chose an early point in time and on Earth. We find three major dimensions: the Upper World, Hell, and Heaven... plus a fourth, the Purgatory of a self-serving Church. It's all about us, God, machines, and the soul, under the veil of action-adventure. I'm working on it daily. Just an old man's way of speaking the truth.

best,
A.J.

AunaJune wrote 679 days ago

It sort of gives me a new refreshed look on Science Fiction. Quite enjoyable. Continue the good work :)

Steppe Warrior wrote 679 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned



BillyS,

Thanks for taking a look at the DDB. It was in the weekly top five until today and then it plummeted. I think someone dropped it from their shelf. A hard racket, this one. My best on yours.

A.J.

billysunday wrote 679 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned

billysunday wrote 679 days ago

Very Greek goddish. Like that Percy Jackson, but more sophisticated. Nice job. Dina of Last Degree and Halo of the Damned

Steppe Warrior wrote 681 days ago

I rarely like prologues, but yours is effective. I wonder if all of it is necessary, though? Perhaps a slight trim would strengthen it? I feel your story really kicks off in chapter 1. I think the sooner we get to it, the better.

I usually keep track of suggestions, but I got caught up in the story, I had very few. I suggest limiting your use of exclamation points. There are quite a few in your prologue. You do a good job of avoiding unnecessary adverbs for the most part. Is "quickly" necessary? There were a few others here and there, so always check to make sure they strengthen your narrative. I'm not sure I agree with the science fiction label. It's much more fantasy in my opinion.



Joshua,

Thanks for the suggestions; some already applied. I know the prologue is weaker than chap.1 but I want to keep it. The interaction between Ekhida and the young hunter serves to introduce her and hints of a love interest. She will always think about him until they meet again. The prologue actually saves a lot of verbiage (no setup, no courtship). My goal is to keep this ms under 100,000 words.

It's historical in the presence of current world leaders of the period (year 500), but it gets science-fictiony when we tour Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell, and especially when the one-eyed men appear. I don't want to drop too many spoilers.

Best,
A.J

Joshua Jacobs wrote 682 days ago


Wow. What an imagination you have. It's obvious you've put a ton of thought into your world and the story you've developed. I'm intrigued!

There's a distinct voice in this. I love how it opens. It sets the perfect mood for a legendary story of epic proportion. It's well-executed, too. The sentences are tightly written and flow smoothly together.

My favorite aspect of this novel, though, is the premise. Not only is this the type of novel I love, but it's extremely marketable. I could see this one on bookshelves.

I rarely like prologues, but yours is effective. I wonder if all of it is necessary, though? Perhaps a slight trim would strengthen it? I feel your story really kicks off in chapter 1. I think the sooner we get to it, the better.

I usually keep track of suggestions, but I got caught up in the story, I had very few. I suggest limiting your use of exclamation points. There are quite a few in your prologue. You do a good job of avoiding unnecessary adverbs for the most part. Is "quickly" necessary? There were a few others here and there, so always check to make sure they strengthen your narrative. I'm not sure I agree with the science fiction label. It's much more fantasy in my opinion.

Minor typos: You need a period instead of a comma at the end of "He arose and stood straight." Same with, "She strode closer." This continues almost every time you use dialogue. Only use a comma when you're using a verb related to speech (i.e. said, asked, etc). At the same time, "He shrugged in simple trust" needs to begin with a capital for the same reason. Other than those minor mistakes, this is very well edited.

This is an excellent start, and I look forward to reading more. Highly rated! Great job!

CMTStibbe wrote 685 days ago

The Demon’s Door Bolt is a stunning book. It is so easy to visualize the setting and its unique characters. Master story-tellers and wordsmiths are hard to find especially in this age. I have missed such beautiful writing and authentic dialogue. High stars. This is definitely my type of read. On W/l until space comes available. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Steppe Warrior wrote 685 days ago

Hm, AJ, I didn't have a lot of time, but this looks fantastic. I'll read more later - highly rated for now. :)



Monicque,

Thanks for the quick look. The DDB puts women in their place-- right at the kick-ass TOP. I hope you get a chance to start a read, perhaps finding a few laughs. Even Aunt Beatrice (stolen from Dante) wheels her weight around.

best,
A.J.

monicque wrote 686 days ago

Hm, AJ, I didn't have a lot of time, but this looks fantastic. I'll read more later - highly rated for now. :)

mrsdfwt wrote 689 days ago

After reading two chapters of "The Demon's Door Bolt", i came to the conclusion that this is definitely a different read for me, but i love it.
A boy becomes a man and kills a stag to feed many mouths.
A cursed immortal exclaims: 'Men!They're such frigging jerks.'
A horsebreaker wanders in the steppe, although he could live in a palace.
We witness bustling streets, mud-brick tenements, and hucksters pushing their wares.

This is a very challenging read and i must admit i can't wait to read further, although i would recommend copy editing it, especially the prologue.
The command of the English language is exquisite, and being a fan of Mythology in general, i find this read fascinating.
Six stars and placed in line for the shelf.
Maria
Dark of the Moon

viento wrote 690 days ago

Welcome to Authonomy A.J and you've had a great start! Love the pitch - just my sort of book : )

You're book is on my watchlist until I have a little time to give it the attention it deserves.

lizjrnm wrote 691 days ago

WOW! You have one gifted imagination! Cover is eye-catching an dthe pitch sells the book store browser. Id buy it so Im backing it for talented writing and a great storyline. Starred as well.

Liz
The Cheech Room

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