An Epitaph for Coyote

Bryan, I'm sure hoping your Epitaph for Coyote isn't the glorious Rosa's... but I'll say this, Annie Proulx's got nothin' on you. Plus I wish Jack Lemmon was still alive to play Henry Pluck if, as this should, become a movie. That perfect combination of blackly wicked thought, comedic timing, and human pathos.

From the opening, with the splendiferous Hat and Fat, we are left hanging with a body in their wake, and a Coyote in mourning. I almost felt like climbing into your story and feeding that wild dog with a mama's comfort food. What all this has to do with anything, I'm not sure, but it works for me. "Well shone, Moon..." I'd say - except Shakespeare said it first, adding "Truly, the Moon shines with a good grace." Your Moon over this scene has a grace all its own.

On to Henry Pluck. What a guy, with his sock drawer of a mind... and hitting his computer *As if possessed by a demonic pianist, his fingers pounced on the keyboard...* All under the aegis of his Mama's voice.

The picture painted of Richard, his boss, is borderline psycho. In the real. As is Leslie and her hair. I'd give his mean thoughts on her a three, even if he hates himself for giving only two for the day.

Back in his house, we find Henry has a hidden talent, but still this man can compare Debussy's gift for writing music with that of someone able to spit further than everyone else. That's Henry. The man with bugs out to get him.

His meeting with Vince in the park is almost surreal, seeing the City as if a treasure-laden floor of a dragon's cave. Perhaps it is. And Vince brings home to him the loneliness of his existence.

And then, drum roll, we meet Rosa. The soul of a poet with a bug spray. And we can feel Henry's heartache at her leaving. Her and her ass.

Impeccable, Bryan, and what Publisher's Weekly said with bells on. Six bells in the form of stars, and a backing for this to go to the Pinnacles of Authonomy and beyond.

From Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

Bryan, I'm sure hoping your Epitaph for Coyote isn't the glorious Rosa's... but I'll say this, Annie Proulx's got nothin' on you. Plus I wish Jack Lemmon was still alive to play Henry Pluck if, as this should, become a movie. That perfect combination of blackly wicked thought, comedic timing, and human pathos.

From the opening, with the splendiferous Hat and Fat, we are left hanging with a body in their wake, and a Coyote in mourning. I almost felt like climbing into your story and feeding that wild dog with a mama's comfort food. What all this has to do with anything, I'm not sure, but it works for me. "Well shone, Moon..." I'd say - except Shakespeare said it first, adding "Truly, the Moon shines with a good grace." Your Moon over this scene has a grace all its own.

On to Henry Pluck. What a guy, with his sock drawer of a mind... and hitting his computer *As if possessed by a demonic pianist, his fingers pounced on the keyboard...* All under the aegis of his Mama's voice.

The picture painted of Richard, his boss, is borderline psycho. In the real. As is Leslie and her hair. I'd give his mean thoughts on her a three, even if he hates himself for giving only two for the day.

Back in his house, we find Henry has a hidden talent, but still this man can compare Debussy's gift for writing music with that of someone able to spit further than everyone else. That's Henry. The man with bugs out to get him.

His meeting with Vince in the park is almost surreal, seeing the City as if a treasure-laden floor of a dragon's cave. Perhaps it is. And Vince brings home to him the loneliness of his existence.

And then, drum roll, we meet Rosa. The soul of a poet with a bug spray. And we can feel Henry's heartache at her leaving. Her and her ass.

Impeccable, Bryan, and what Publisher's Weekly said with bells on. Six bells in the form of stars, and a backing for this to go to the Pinnacles of Authonomy and beyond.

From Kay
(Waystation to Prosperity Street)

This had a good beginnging and I'm hoping to read more of it to find out the answer to the mystery of the man in the desert. Personally I would have broken that first chapter up into two or three, but that's a very minor point.

i finally came back for chapter 2. this is really great. i can totally picture the scene with the bug, the strangled noise as it charges at him, the splashing water, the shoe and the retreat under an appliance. love that his mother is in his head.

regarded as a father figure" i'd cut this, as it tells info your reader may prefer to observe for themselves. unless you can more comically tie it to vince's character.. he complained a lot. henry regarded him as a father figure.

the falling off the bike metaphor is genius.

i'm enjoying this and will be back.

Hi there, love your writing style, no time to read more than Ch1 and title of Ch 2 but will watch and return. Shelved and 5 stars to help you along. Good luck.
Made the following notes, The omnipresent moon is a great touch, especially juxtaposed with the apparent werewolves. Personally, I think the opening para should be fat and hat, much more active, then I’d unite the opening moon para with the other near the limp hand and the werecoyote, followed by the mourning.
I read, ‘smeared deodorant in his armpits’, went back and read it again and still think 'under' is the best preposition here, but I'm British.

‘Feeling like a lab scientist’s favourite mouse…’ I loved this para but it felt at odds with all the small minded anal stuff that occupied his mind. Perhaps have a derisory comment remembered from A N other. On second thoughts, perhaps what I don’t get is someone analysing that they are the mouse the paperwork is the cheese and being happy about it. Ahem. Probably says more about me than the MC…
Overall a well polished piece of writing that deserves success.

Within the first two paragraphs I was impressed with the level of writing in this novel. The sentences are tightly written and you use very vivid words to depict everything perfectly.

As a narrator, you have a great voice, too. I love that the two characters in the opening chapter are "Fat" and "Hat," defined as simple adjectives because they're not worth worrying over.

Nice development of tension. Loved the short, staccato sentences (i.e. At a pair of animal eyes glowing green with the headlights." It really did a great job of making the seen tense.

Once we meet Henry, you do a great job developing his character. He's flawed--as a bit of a perfectionist he might annoy some of your readers--but you also make him sympathetic, particularly with the last line of the opening chapter. Nice touch. In fact, all of your characters have distinct personalities.

I'm highly impressed with how well-edited this is. I think this is the first book on authonomy I've read that didn't have a single typo. Impressive.

Usually I keep track of a list of suggestions, but I had very few with this novel. It's that good. I would suggest a different word than "shot" in "They shot towards him." It threw me off a bit because Fat and Hat are carrying guns. I had to read it twice to realize you meant the animals. On occasion you have an extra word where it's not necessary (i.e. "The quad runner flipped over onto its side." You can remove "over"). Really, other than that, you might see if you can work a bit more humor into this. It's listed as comedy, and while there is a subtle sense of humor I enjoyed, I wouldn't call it a comedy at this point.

I'm so impressed with this. It's well-edited, polished, and ready to be bought. I highly recommend this to anyone looking for an exciting, well-written story. Six stars easily.

your use a simple style that works very well...your prologue is vey effective and shows what a good writer you are...
l shall back...
read SEASONS...

Thanks Katie for your feedback. Yes please add this to your literary list. There may be shapeshifters in this novel but this should not fall in the fantasy or paranormal categories. Does that make sense? I don't want to give too much away. This is a story that is true to life. I believe the natural world holds mysteries that we haven't discovered. Those mysteries, it seems to me, are often hinted at without ever fully being revealed. The first scene is included as a prologue because it is from the point of view of the moon, while the rest of the novel is from the POV of Henry Pluck.

i love the premise and the pitch- i think you need to break up the long paragraph there and add some white space for visual ease, but the pitch itself is great. the american dream before its pants fell down. nice.

i wasn't sure what the opening scene had to do with the pitch, but it's olished and suspenseful so i just sat back and enjoyed the read- which says a lot around here.

i got nervous when it seemed there were vampire werewolves involved. i reread the tags, saw no 'fantasy' andkept reading.

maybe the first scene belongs in its own chapter?

love when he says see you later honey to the empty house. i felt it. emotional connection made.

so i'll be back to read more, but in the meantime, let me know if you'd like to be added to this list:
http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/77048/reading-list-for-literary-fiction/

Thanks, Andi. I appreciate the feedback. A quadrunner is an ATV (all terrain vehicle), like a small dirt bike with four wheels. Very common around Vegas. http://bit.ly/nXNZu6

Hi Bryan,

This is really good. You have a great ear for dialogue, and gift for description . Loved, loved, loved the depictioon of Henry getting dressed, especially his mother's voice from the sock drawer - hilarious. Actually, much of your writing is funny. My only problem - I have no idea what a quad is, and the introduction of one confused me, since I'd thought they were in a pick-up truck. I think I figured out that it's some sort of bike that was taken out of the pick-up? Maybe you could explain this better.

I've given you a very rare five stars, and watch listed for now.

Well done!

All best,
Andi
Animal Cracker

Richard, there's something quite unnatural about a clear night sky without any stars, isn't there? It left an indelible impression on me!

Yes, Jack, the cockroach is an intrusion of nature and disorder into Henry's sterile, perpendicular existence. Good observation!

I have read two chapter and I'm liking the dichotomy you are setting up between the natural and human constructed worlds. I assume the cock roaches are symbolic of nature and disorder, and are there to torment Henry, or at least show him that he does not exist outside of the natural world. Not everything can be controlled. This seems to be a good starting point for Henry's journey into wholeness.
I'm tempted to back this now, but I'm going to read on a bit first.

I was charmed by this, liking it for its subtle humour and observation. Unfortunately, I think it rather lost its rhythm in Ch.4, as I was pulled out of Henry's world a little and instead exposed to what I felt was, perhaps, an agenda of the author's. However, I soon settled back in the groove with Ch.5, and would like to read more of Henry's story.

Was there some significance to the two mentions of the "starless sky"? If not, the author might want to address this little rough point.

Two phrases that delighted me, and earned Henry a backing: the accordion of spittle and -- particularly -- Irma's "magic plastic grocery bag of infinite noise". How I wish I'd written that line.

Dear Bryan,
I'm always happy to support a new writer...... Your pitch draws the reader, unfortunately due to lack of time, I am unable to invest more time in your work, but wish you the best of success on Authonomy.
Great work, backed with pleasure
Helen

This is really wonderful; I'm so glad I stopped in to read it. It was time very well spent.
I think Charlie Chaplin is spelled with an "ie" and not a "ey." Outside of that, I have no complaint. What you have posted here is great; entertaining and intriguing and well done.
Will you post more?

Sorry Charlie! You are correct! Will I post more? Hmm ... possibly another book. But thank you for reading what I've posted so far. : -)

This is really wonderful; I'm so glad I stopped in to read it. It was time very well spent.
I think Charlie Chaplin is spelled with an "ie" and not a "ey." Outside of that, I have no complaint. What you have posted here is great; entertaining and intriguing and well done.
Will you post more?