New Alliances

YARG Review,
Noelle, You've done it again! The book is getting more and more Suspensefull. I've got a feeling that Miss Joy has met her match in this one. Keep the pace up!

your use of narrative and dialogue work well; you marry them together with skillfull ease.
backed.
read SEASONS...

Hi Noelle,
A YARG review.
I read some of your first book in this series and this seems to follow on really well. You give just enough information that a new reader could easily pick this one up and get into the story.
I like the way you write descriptions just enough detail to give the reader a picture of your characters without bogging them down in detail.
All the characters are well draw and interesting. The first two chapters have enough hooks to keep the reader engaged. I particularly like the idea of her secret identity and being around the police officers who are trying to catch her. Angela seems interesting. I assume her past might catch up to her in this one. I like the introduction of another female heroine. Thickens the plot considerably.
All in all a good job. One observation, is the shifting POV in each scene. It doesn't bother me but you might find editors will pick up on it. They tend to like one head per scene, and you jump around a bit in several heads.
Anyhow, all good and I can see this being well liked, the same as your first.
I have included some nitpick edits and some suggestions to tighten some sentences, with chapter one. Just my opinion, so feel free to ignore.
I wish you well with this and thanks for the read,
Cheers Jacoba

Chapter one
...thinking you had been thrown into the latest.. ( take out that)

...given a description of the lieutenant ( instead of on)

As he approacehd the woman, she turned to look at him ( I'd take out and neared her)

Although the terminals, gates, lobbies and parking lots of the airport were crowded with the rumble of voices and the roar of jets, it was as if he and the woman were alone. ( to tighten)

He still couldn't believe this beautiful ( take out that)

The last month the thermometer hit record temps of one hundred degrees or higher almost every day. ( to tighten)
..the small, rotating white fan made ( change from was making to make more active)

I read your first three chapters.

General comments: An engaging start. An interesting main character. Vivid descriptions. Not a lot of tension. Good pacing.

Specific comment of the first chapter:
1) Start a new paragraph with: Completely unfazed, the Lieutenant briskly picked up her bag, and looked at him. "Shall we go?" The convention is to start a new paragraph each time you switch focus to a different character. Readers expect this.

Specific comments on the second chapter:
1) " ... when I was told you would be attending to night, ... " 'To night' should be 'tonight.'
2) "Maybe it's a good thing you're one her side." 'One' should be 'on.'

Specific comment on the third chapter:
1) "That's better," Joy sniffed. Period after 'better.' You can't 'sniff' dialogue.

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important opening chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and, if it's worthy, keep it in mind when you next reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a marvelous day.

Al

Hello Neolle,

“But she smiled widely at his scrutiny, and her handshake was firm and to the point. As if he had just woken from a dream, John started and realized he had been staring.

He opened his mouth to apologize, but she stopped him. “Don’t worry, Commissioner. I get that reaction a lot” – heavenly!

So far I have read chapter 1 - so interesting.

JULIUS [Destined to Triumph]