Book Jacket

 

rank 2201
word count 36456
date submitted 12.11.2008
date updated 13.03.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
complete

Choke Point

John Lumsdon

Espionage! & Subterfuge! The West on the brink of financial collapse! British, American and Russian submarine crews dicing with death in the icy depths.

 

In the tradition of all great spy thrillers, 'Choke Point' is a fascinating tale of espionage and subterfuge. Set against the backdrop of the political alliances formed in the aftermath of the Cold War, 'Choke Point' narrates the dramatic rescue of Nicolai, a computer programmer. Forced to flee with the computer disc which contains information on how the whole financial structure of the West can be brought to its knees, Nicolai is the centre of a dramatic rescue operation involving the best of British submariners and the most machiavellian officers of the Soviet Navy. 'Choke Point' is a must read, and will keep the reader engrossed from the first page to the last.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

action, adventure, dramatic rescue., espionage, fiction, financial chaos, romance

on 3 watchlists

14 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

2

report abuse

Submarine School, HMS Dolphin

 

 

    Come on you lot, its only water and I know how you bloody submariners like a bath - dont you!

    Ian McAllister smiled to himself as he was ushered towards the water tank which towered a hundred feet above. Today he had to complete his three yearly refresher course in the submarine escape tower. He could sympathise with the new recruits who were to accompany him. They would all be scared shitless. The petty officer escorting them was relentless.

    Come on weve not got all day!

    Although this was Ians three yearly refresher, it was only two years and four months since his last tank ascent. The Navy had obviously brought his refresher forward by eight months, but why? He was now with a bunch of new recruits and would miss the banter he could expect to get with any of the old sea dogs he would usually bump into.

    Have you done the tank before?

    Ian turned round to see a man in his late twenties, very heavily set, with short cropped blond hair, his chubby index finger pointing upward towards the tank.

    Yes, Ive done it a few times before.

    Instinctively Ian felt that his man had been around the block a few times, but there was something strange about him.

    Are you a submariner? he asked.

    No, Im a diver. How do we get started?

    Strange, Ian thought to himself. Firstly this man wants to talk, then he quickly cuts me off.

    The class had quickly changed into their swimming trunks and reluctantly followed the petty officer out of the changing room, towards the base of the tank. Petty Officer Robey was now on automatic. He had instructed thousands of officers and ratings on the method of submarine escape. Only another month to go and his one year attachment to the training wing would be over.

    Come on lads, get your arses moving, lets have you all up to the top level! Quickly the nine men began to ascend the stairs to the upper level, sixty feet above. LRO McAllister was in no rush, hed done it all before. His mind was beginning to wander as he thought back to his childhood and how he came to be a radio operator in the Royal Navy. He was raised in Keswick in Cumbria, right in the heart of the Lake District. To offset the boredom of the quiet country town he joined the local Sea Cadet corps. His grandfather, Victor Bantock, had been a signaller in the Army during the Second World War. Victor had made himself a Morse code key, which consisted of a small buzzer, a torch battery and the key itself. Ian took an interest and began to learn the Morse code. It was only a matter of weeks before Ian and his grandfather were passing messages by buzzer to each other. It was therefore a natural progression that Ian joined the Royal Navy at fifteen years old, straight from school.

    LRO McAllister, are you joining us today! Robey spat the words at him.

    Sorry PO, he replied, his apology not cutting any ice with Robey.

    Right listen up and listen good, your life may well depend on it!

    Christ, Ian thought, Ill bet the lads are really shitting themselves now.

    As you all can se, we have a small chamber on the side of the tank next to where you are all standing. This chamber is sixty feet from the ground and therefore thirty feet from the surface of the tank. Your first ascent will be a free ascent, that is to say, one without an exposure suit. I will enter the side chamber with three men at a time. Once inside the chamber, it will be pressurised. Shortly after I will vent water from the tank into the chamber. I will allow the water entering the chamber to reach your chest level, after which I will equalise the pressure, stabilising the water in the chamber. The hatch from the chamber into the main tank will be open. I will then bring each man forward one at a time to the hatch. On my command you will take a large breath of air and bend your head down into the water, with your arse facing towards the hatch. I will then place my hand on your head and push you arse first into the main tank. As you have all obviously noted by now, you all have a belt around your waists with two toggles attached to them at the back. These are for the benefit of the safety divers in the tank. Once you are released into the tank the two divers will grab hold of a toggle each. They will not, I repeat, will not let you go for your ascent until they see air coming from your mouth. As explained earlier, this is the most important part of the drill. The pressure in your lungs at thirty feet makes the air in your lungs expand. If you dont get rid of some of it, then by the time you reach the surface the pressure of air in your lungs could be enough to cause them to rupture. Therefore remember what we said - whistle out! Once the divers see you doing this they will let you go. Dont try to hold your breath once they have let you go and you start your ascent. If you do, divers are stationed at intervals on your upward journey and they will simply hit you in the stomach, in order to get you to expel the extra air in your lungs First three follow me!

    Ian was joined by a leading seaman and the evasive man with the chubby fingers.

    Robey opened the outer chamber door.

    Come on, the waters lovely and warm, he joked.

    It was only a matter of minutes before the whole procedure was nearing completion. Ian watched as firstly the leading seaman and then Mr Chubby disappeared into the tank.

    Ian really enjoyed the tank after his first ever ascent, he remembered that he just couldnt wait to have another go.

    Well, here we go, Ian thought.

    As he started his ascent he whistled out slowly and calmly.

    This is great, he thought to himself.

    Just as his head broke the surface he felt two huge hands grab his arms and haul him effortlessly to the side of the tank.

    Couldnt let a sparker drown, Mr Chubby laughed.

    God, I cant keep calling him Mr Chubby, Ian thought to himself. If he heard me, he would kill me with one squeeze and I wonder how he knows Im a sparker, he hasnt seen me in uniform.

    Whats your name? Ian spluttered, as some of the tank water slipped down the back of his throat.

    John Hinton, at your service.

    Oh he does speak, Ian mused to himself.

    Ian looked forward to the next bit the sixty foot ascent.

This was always a scary ascent the first time. The main reason for this, is that when you are approximately half way up and still whistling out, you think that the air is suddenly running out, but miraculously the air in your lungs just as suddenly expands.

    After the sixty foot tank they all had a well-deserved Stand easy.

 

                                                      *

 

    Petty officer Robey stormed back into the small side room where the trainees were just taking the last sips of their very average cup of coffee.

    Come on then, lets get your suits on, weve not got all day!

    It was time for the final ascent; one hundred feet, wearing the RN Mk8 egress/exposure suit. When they were all gathered at the base of the tank Ian looked up. He had volunteered to go first and was wearing his Mk8 suit. The lower hatch was open on the escape chamber.

    Right lads, this is the easy bit Robey lifted himself up on his toes, his eyes glaring towards the back of the gathering.

    HINTON! Are you with us today you obviously must know everything, so would you like me to stand down while you take the class?

    The whole class turned round together to see Hinton midway through combing his hair.

    Sorry PO, wanted to make myself more streamlined, he answered with a cheeky smile emerging on his face.

    The whole class erupted into laughter.

    Bloody divers! Robey was trying to suppress a smile himself. Come on lets get started, Im on a promise tonight!

    Ian climbed up the ladder wearing his suit, into the small escape trunk. He had to stand to one side while an instructor below him secured the lower hatch. Now there was a bit more room and he could stand on the lower hatch. The trunk itself was only about eight feet tall and four feet in diameter. He looked up and saw the upper hatch approximately two feet above his head. As water began to enter the trunk and start rising, he pushed a length of tubing, which ran from his suit down his arm, into a socket on the side of the trunk. His suit immediately began to fill with air. Once full of air he unplugged his suit. The trunk was now full of water and once the pressure in it became slightly more than that in the tank above it, the upper hatch opened automatically. As Ian glided upward effortlessly through the now open upper hatch, two divers immediately grabbed hold of him.

    LRO McALLISTER, D112219X! Ian shouted, giving his name, rank and RN Official number.

    With the idea being that you breath normally on your way to the surface, this exercise reassured the divers that the student was breathing out properly in his suit.

    Satisfied, the two divers positioned Ian close to a wire in the centre of the tank, which ran from the bottom to the surface. One of the divers then grabbed hold of a line hanging from the front and centre of Ians belt and clipped him on to the vertical cable. At the same time Ian spread his legs slightly. This procedure was designed to stop Ian spinning on his way to the surface.

    Wow, this is great. Everybody should have a go at this, Ian thought to himself as he sped to the surface. He broke the surface and must have shot nearly two feet into the air, before settling on the surface of the tank looking like a Michelin man.

    Dont take too long, Robey said, youve got to report to the CO at 15:00 hrs in the Captains office.

    What for? Ian remarked, with a puzzled look on his face, as he struggled to get out of his escape suit.

    Dont ask me, Im only passing on the message, Robey replied.

    Once back in his mess, Ian showered and quickly changed into a clean set of No8s. It was 14:45 hrs already.

    Shit, Ill never make it! he thought.

    He ran out of the mess, past the galley and up the steps to the first floor of the admin. block. Pushing the double doors open he barged into the reception area of the Captains office.

    Ive come for…”

    LRO McAllister to see the CO? the duty Wren asked mockingly from behind the desk.

    Yes, Ian said, collapsing into a chair in the reception area.

    Looking at the clock above the reception desk he could see that it was 15:10 hrs.

    Oh no, he thought, Ive had it now.

      He had to wait a further ten minutes before the door to the COs office opened.

    Would you like to come in LRO McAllister?

    A PO Wren stood in the open doorway. She was of medium build, tall, with beautiful auburn hair bunched up on top. Even though her skirt was standard Naval length down to her knee, he imagined that she had very long legs.

    Oh to find out! he thought.

    The room was decorated with Naval memorabilia. An officers sword hung above a framed picture of the flagship HMS Victory. In the corner a ships compass stood highly polished. Three men sat behind a large oak desk at the head of the room, with a large chart of Northern Russia and the Artic Ocean on an easel adjacent to them. Their caps were hung on a coat stand in the corner.

    Plenty of scrambled egg on those, Ian thought to himself.

    Three chairs stood in the middle of the room facing the large oak desk. A man in his fifties with receding grey hair sat in the middle chair at the desk. Addressing Ian, he introduced himself and the other people in the room.

    My name is Rear Admiral Roberts, gesturing to his left, this is Lieutenant Commander Turnbull from Northwood and on my right is Major Fallon. Seated on your right is PO Wren Greaves and on your left is PO Hinton.

    Well, well, Ian thought, Hinton eh. How did he get here before me? His mind began to race. Perhaps hes a crabby bugger and didnt have a shower? I wonder why were here?

    He was quickly answered as Rear Admiral Roberts addressed them.

    The three of you have been asked here…”

    Ian couldnt help but notice Wren Greaves skirt riding up on her legs.

    Ill find out yet, he thought to himself.

Chapters

2

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Melcom wrote 1225 days ago

You have a great story here, that with a bit of an edit would be a winner.

It was a little adverby in parts and if you take the 'ly' words out (as I have) it will up the pace of your story considerably.

Alos found a couple of nits for you.


Chap 1.
Sould that be, two cup(s) of steaming hot coffee appeared from below.

Chap2.
As you all can se(e)...

Good start, good luck with it.

Melxx
UNICORN
(crime/thriller)

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1530 days ago

This is great. Hunt for Red October, Ice Station Zebra and Das Boot proved that a submarine can be used for thoroughly atmospheric adventures. Your characters are developing well and the different personalities will work as they come together. On my shelf and good luck. Patrick Barrett (Shakespeares Cuthbert)

Martin Horton wrote 1531 days ago

Why isn't this higher ranked?

But, I'm going to be honest. Although you are a talented writer, for sure, I am afraid I don't like the subject matter. Perhaps I haven't read enough, which I will, because it's going on my WL, for the reason that you are, without doubt, at the risk of repeating myself, a talented writer, and in my mind that's all that matters here. Everything else is just a matter of taste regarding the theme.

Hmmm. Okay, I'll leave it at that for now. Absolutely no criticism of your writing....so please don't take this as criticism.

Martin.
(My House on the Fjord)
(The Art of Tragedy)

Darren G. Burton wrote 1600 days ago

I've only read a little bit so far, but I'm liking it. I'll put it on my watchlist and have another look later.

Patty wrote 1648 days ago

John,

Some quick comments on the pitch - more later. Heh - I think you have a perfect name to be writing spy novels. reminds me of some other writer.
Anyway - data how the financial system can be brought to its knees is a good hook. Wonder though how current it's going to be. At the moment, the west seems to have little trouble with bringing their own financial system to its knees - no help from others needed ;-)
What year is this set?
The rescue of Nicolai, presumably a spy, kinda smacks of 'Hunt for Red October' - is there a chance you could make it less so?
I think with a premise like this, you need to have a good feel for the market and pitch it to what is currently in vogue. What is the feeling about Cold War novels?

OK, I've now read chapter 1 as well, since it's only short. You introduce Gorkov and his ship, and at the end, he gets a message, but we are not learning what the message is. As hook chapter, it's not much. I hate saying the dreaded 'nothing happens' but that's my feeling. I think you need to include the text of the message, which is presumably the start of the plot. I feel that without it, the chapter doesn't have enough beef. Now this could be a matter of a cut-and-paste.

There are three semicolons in this chapter. The second and third need to be commas.

I'll read on.

Patty wrote 1649 days ago

Sounds interesting. I'll watchlist it.

thunderbirdsarego54321 wrote 1667 days ago

[Point taken; and yes scrambled egg is indeed gold braid. I have added a Glossary as the final chapter, but must confess I did not include scrambled egg! Thanks John L] I have watchlisted this. I like the degree of technical detail you have included, although I have read only a few chapters so far. I like your attention to detail, and although it is possible to have too much, I think you have judged it about right.

A couple of small points. Chap 1, the 'steaming' coffee. Does coffee really steam? Describing the PO Wren's auburn hair as 'beautiful' is not inventive. Not having a navel background, I didn't understand the 'scrambled egg' reference. I assume it is gold braid; is it worth explaining that to the likes of myself?

VVV wrote 1671 days ago

I have watchlisted this. I like the degree of technical detail you have included, although I have read only a few chapters so far. I like your attention to detail, and although it is possible to have too much, I think you have judged it about right.

A couple of small points. Chap 1, the 'steaming' coffee. Does coffee really steam? Describing the PO Wren's auburn hair as 'beautiful' is not inventive. Not having a navel background, I didn't understand the 'scrambled egg' reference. I assume it is gold braid; is it worth explaining that to the likes of myself?

thunderbirdsarego54321 wrote 1672 days ago

[Thanks Desert Cayote - I appreciate that it's easy to get carried away with the tech stuff. I think that when you know it yourself you tend to forget that the reader really only needs to dip their toe into the water and not be flooded with facts/figures - Point taken - thanks.] I've watchlisted this one. It's interesting, the difference between U.S. and British naval parlance (used to the U.S. stuff myself), and through the first two chapters your dialogue is engaging without too much reliance on heavy jargon usage to make it sound authentic. I'm liking it thus far.

Our respective experiences are going to be hugely different, me coming from the writing perspective and you with your living experience, so please take what I say now with a grain of salt about the size of your head. While the technical aspects about the sub and the divers is interesting and (I'm guessing) important to the rest of the book, too much of it in too large of chunks is going to make the reader's eyes glaze over. If I might make one suggestion, break up the tech paragraphs into smaller ones, and it might hold the reader's interest a bit longer. Granted, I've read quite a few military works in my time that involved a lot of tech explanation, so I'm a bit more patient with it.

Liking where this one is going.

Desert Coyote wrote 1672 days ago

I've watchlisted this one. It's interesting, the difference between U.S. and British naval parlance (used to the U.S. stuff myself), and through the first two chapters your dialogue is engaging without too much reliance on heavy jargon usage to make it sound authentic. I'm liking it thus far.

Our respective experiences are going to be hugely different, me coming from the writing perspective and you with your living experience, so please take what I say now with a grain of salt about the size of your head. While the technical aspects about the sub and the divers is interesting and (I'm guessing) important to the rest of the book, too much of it in too large of chunks is going to make the reader's eyes glaze over. If I might make one suggestion, break up the tech paragraphs into smaller ones, and it might hold the reader's interest a bit longer. Granted, I've read quite a few military works in my time that involved a lot of tech explanation, so I'm a bit more patient with it.

Liking where this one is going.

thunderbirdsarego54321 wrote 1673 days ago

[Many thanks for your thoughts Mike: Just what i was looking for and i do take your point, I'll certainly consider doing some work on the opening as suggested. Thanks again.] John -

Welcome to Authonomy! Just read the first four chapters of Choke Point, attracted by the blurb. I think you have the makings here of a Clanceyesque spy thriller, with a lot of technical detail and a number of converging forces. I do, however, have a number of thoughts.

First of all, I would have liked a stronger opening - pitching me into the middle of the action, rather than a slow boil build-up. I always prefer thrillers to open with an exciting event that intrigues me. I would also like it if you did a little less telling and a bit more showing. Could we not, for example, have something go wrong in the ascent exercise, and could we not go into the water more with your protagonist? Might we not, for example, see Dimitri's virus run amok within the russian system, only to be cut off from the internet in the nick of time? (I might enjoy that as the opening).

Just some thoughts. I have watchlisted Choke Point because I am keen to see how it develops.

MikeB wrote 1673 days ago

John -

Welcome to Authonomy! Just read the first four chapters of Choke Point, attracted by the blurb. I think you have the makings here of a Clanceyesque spy thriller, with a lot of technical detail and a number of converging forces. I do, however, have a number of thoughts.

First of all, I would have liked a stronger opening - pitching me into the middle of the action, rather than a slow boil build-up. I always prefer thrillers to open with an exciting event that intrigues me. I would also like it if you did a little less telling and a bit more showing. Could we not, for example, have something go wrong in the ascent exercise, and could we not go into the water more with your protagonist? Might we not, for example, see Dimitri's virus run amok within the russian system, only to be cut off from the internet in the nick of time? (I might enjoy that as the opening).

Just some thoughts. I have watchlisted Choke Point because I am keen to see how it develops.

thunderbirdsarego54321 wrote 1676 days ago

Hi Folks - Here i am a Virgin to the book business! As a former Royal Navy radio operator, a Policeman, Sales Manager for Spanish property, Delivery driver, factory worker and mant other jobs a plenty; I felt that i could call on life's experiences to assist in writing my book 'Choke Point'. I am 55yrs of age, married to Lorraine for 30yrs, with a son (Kevin) and a daughter (Nicola), who has given me 3 wonderful grandchildren. I am presently in Spain, but very likely returning to Uk after Christmas to work. Please take a look at my book - your comments would all be appreciated..... Thanks John

1