Six Short Stories with a Twist

Hi Christine - Your writing is a very high standard and the way each story is so different makes a very interesting book. From my personal point of view I think some of the short stories should be a bit longer e.g. the black box. It seemed to be over before it began! I also think that perhaps you need a few more stories - or to make some of them a bit longer - in order to make this a viable proposition as a book.

However, I am sure you will be able to do this as you are a very good writer and obviously full of great ideas. I enjoyed reading this and wish you all the very best with it. High stars from me. The book will remain on my watch list and I hope to move it to my shelf for a while when I have a space.

God bless you
Margaret
How do I know God answers prayer?

Hi Christine
I read Black Box as you asked. It was quite an unexpected ending. Many thoughts were running through my head as I read it wondering what the box concealed. I must say I was rather relieved when it contained jewelry. After the horrors that America went through that tragic day one was left wondering if it were a bomb. Very well written.
Brian.

Bill, so good to hear from you, glad you liked it, look frward to reading your book.
Best wishes, Christine

Dear Christine, I read Runaway, liked it very much, and commented in some detail. Tried to erase what appeared to be a duplicate and lost it all. Briefly, I said that you posed Annie's dilemma very well and gave us some fine characterizations. The gist of my comment was that I hoped Annie would follow Henri to the Philippines, which she seemed inclined to do.

My novel Call Home the Child poses similar problems for Nancy, the narrator. I'd love to know your reaction. I'll read the rest of your stories and get back to you. --Many thanks and best wishes, Bill

Dear Christine, I read Runaway, liked it very much, and commented in some detail. Tried to erase what appeared to be a duplicate and lost it all. Briefly, I said that you posed Annie's dilemma very well and gave us some fine characterizations. The gist of my comment was that I hoped Annie would follow Henri to the Philippines, which she seemed inclined to do.

My novel Call Home the Child poses similar problems for Nancy, the narrator. I'd love to know your reaction. I'll read the rest of your stories and get back to you. --Many thanks and best wishes, Bill

Christine, I have read the first three stories and what has impressed me is how different they are; I burst out laughing at the end of chapter 3 at the vision of the greyhound in Mollie's nightgown, I felt a gentle sadness at the death of the MC in the first story and as for the second story I was relieved to read of Sarah's lucky escape.
I look forward to reading more stories. High stars from me today.

Maria (Georgina's Family)

CLF
Christine...You write thought provoking tales that are so all encompassing, that you amaze me with their shortness in length. The others have mentioned the same things I so enjoyed about the others, so I will leave my thoughts on the Black Box. That day was one that I am sure most of us, no matter where we live, remember well. For us in the states, it was devastating and I felt the same way, just wanting to gather my family with me and be with them in such tragedy. I knew that day what was most important to me. I knew what mattered and all those frivolous things that didn't. I was aching over the loss of lives...the families they'd left to mourn. And you brought that all back...so simply...it seemed. I kept trying to think of what that man carried in his case...thinking of much more meaningful, sentimental things. To find it was jewels...it stunned me. At such a time..in such horrible life changing moments...there was one man that didn't change at all. He was unaffected by what affected so many. I wanted to shake him...I just felt so sad. Six stars...and no doubt this will reach the desk quickly. Thank you for the sharing....
Linda

Hi Christine,
Here is my CLF review of Five Short Stories With a Twist

My comments are merely an opinion at the time I was reading the stories. Take what you find useful or helpful and discard what you don't. I am hoping that my thoughts help a bit. Here they are;

Reflections
“Days and years passing, it seemed like some kind of test.” Such is life. This is a great statement and is probably universally felt by all.
“The life span of a dance was short, ten or fifteen years at most.” I suggest that you may want to say that the “career” of a dancer was short, or the “life of a dancing career” was short. This is so the reader doesn’t have a brief moment wondering if dancers die after 10 years or so.
“She counted four young males…” I’d suggest “…four young men…”
“The light gathered her up, and she flew away into his waiting arms.”
This first chapter and story is very touching. The multiple flash backs are challenging, but I though you handled them pretty well.

The Food Pantry
I would change the way you organize your characters converse into a more standard style. Separate new lines for each speaker will help clarify different speakers.
“…Sarah had been born with lung disease…” I suggest “ …a lung disease…”
Interesting story. It meanders a bit I think. Most critique writers will suggest that it stick to only what is necessary in the story. With the story really being about how God spoke to Sarah, there is some meandering to be allowed for. You may want to look at it and see if there are things that if removed would not impede the story.

Man’s Best Friend
This was a very interesting story. I think that it would be especially appealing to dog owners and pet enthusiasts. The story came across a little rambling. I think that the death of the one dog from cancer was announced out of place. But I am not sure it belongs with the discussion of the cat, Tiger’s, death. It had some good amusing parts and I readily identified with the story teller.

The Runaway
Runaway jumps around a bit. You go from the two military boys to a long background on Annie, then the military boys are back. When they are back, they are already a long time foursome with Annie and Dot. The irregularity of it does give me some trouble in this story.
Your character’s conversations should be in the standard style. Each different character’s lines should start a new line. Jumbled together, you lose a lot of importance in the things they say. Stretching out the lines makes each characters statements feel more important and less rushed or jumbled.

Death’s Due
This story was written with a narrator telling it all. I think it would benefit greatly if each of the experiences were told from the point of view of the one it is about. It is very touching though and a mysterious end with the loud bang.

The stories are easy to read and appealing enough. I would suggest giving them a sharp eye and deciding what you want the “story” in each to be. Then you could maybe focus just a little more on that central theme. They do seem in places to be just a bit unfocused on any particular theme or point. The meandering maybe is a style that seems to me to be presenting very successfully a conversational feeling, so… it is up to you on that.
I do want to point out that the stories are not very linear. They jump around a bit in time sequence. Sometimes that can be appealing, but I am not sure it always contributes. I liked it in the first story cause it added a uniqueness to the story. But it wasn’t as appealing in the other stories.
Thanks for sharing your work with the group.

Hi!
CLF review of chapter 1:
The second paragraph needs an edit in the first line, probably a period after ‘lawn chair.’
Then in the third paragraph, Heidi starts trying to get her thoughts straight but it hasn’t been established yet that she was upset, confused or questioning anything. So when she starts to ask questions to figure ‘it’ out, there seemed to be some important detail missing; the question has no context and does not make sense. I also admit I found the story was comprised of a lot of telling versus showing, which I found hard to make me really embrace the love story and the characters. The ending is quite pretty and sad, bringing the story back to the beginning. What did she die of?

Dyane,
The Purple Morrow

Christine--I've read chapter 4 for CLF. Good story and I liked the twist at the end--just the surprising thing a human being can do. You didn't overstate the meaning of it; you just let the decision speak for itself.

I'll put some minor notes in a message.

Christine,

I just read your last 2 stories and I believe they were my favorites! Nicely written!! I was a bit confused at the end of ch. 4 and it's probably just me. I didn't remember Henri giving Annie an envelope so I wasn't completely sure what that referred to. But again, it's probably just me being a bit dull. LOL!!!

Every blessing to you!

Patti

Hi Christine!

I've read through your next 2 stories. Nothing specific on ch. 2. I had a few comments/thoughts on ch. 3. I love animals so I especially enjoyed this one!

Be consistent with spelling of Molly vs. Mollie.

"Pissed her off" and "giggling my ass off." I wasn't offended by the language but it seemed to come out of nowhere as the rest of the story didn't use those types of words. So it kind of startled me.

I was confused by the paragraph that starts "At age 4, Flash was retired from racing." You go on to explain the training, etc. that's provided to folks before adoption which certainly would have helped this couple! :-) But even if those programs weren't in place at the time Flash was adopted, he still would have been retired from racing or he wouldn't have been at the vet's and available to be adopted. So to say it was about that same time that the humane organization was formed didn't make sense to me.

The accident with Tiger made me wince! I wasn't ready for that. Perhaps if it was a little less dramatic? The blood disease/gushing blood and then convulsions seemed a little over the top to me.

The ending was very funny! But I wasn't quite ready for it emotionally as I was still trying to get past the trauma with Tiger.

Just my thoughts - take them as you wish! :-)

All the best!

Patti

https://www.amazon.com/author/pattitingen

Keiran, You really did outdo yourself on the review. Thank you for taking all that time and effort to help me. I liked your last sentence the best.
It is true that American English uses different words and meaning. Plus the fact that English is not my first language. Would it be possible for you to send this review to my e-address so that I can print it? may.christine877@gmail.com
You are a little hard on yourself with starting out "Warning" ,it made me worry that I might explode. Just a little humor.The adoption program has changed a lot since that first time. Those dogs were flown in from other states, and usually would be put down if no one took them.
Thank you again,
Christine

CLF Review.

Warning Christine: I write down comments as I read. Some may be resolved later. Take on board or ignore as you wish.

Chap 1:
General comment: I did not get the point of this story at first. Then I realised it was the use of something familiar to call a person to heaven. I have heard of similar experiences when a person dying saw old friends, long since dead, come to get him.
Perhaps you could make it a bit clearer that Firebird was the great thing in Heidi's life. Though reading again, I must have been a bit dull to miss it.

1. I had to read 1st sentence twice to see if H was opening the door to go in or out. Could you change "opened the front door" to "came out through the front door"?
2. "swollen, she had to" change to "swollen and she had to".
3. "he decided to sleep" somehow sounds a bit mature for 5/6. Change to "he sneaked down to sleep"?
4. "as best as" sounded clumsy. Can you find an alternative?
5. Sylvia in italics and underlined. Usually just italics for titles.
6. "wearing Ballet shoes" no capital B.
7. Full stop after "feel herself blush"
8. Swim, workout, hot bath? In Hawaii? She would have boiled! Cold shower at the end more like it! Or another swim.
9. "pegnancy, of becoming a mother" Wrong! but hard to explain why. "Pregnancy" is a noun; "of becoming a mother" is an adverbial clause (I think). Either way they are not related, so should not have a comma in between them. Change to something like "pregnancy, the adventure of becoming a mother"
10. "Dee?" "Where did that come from?" make "'Dee' - where did that come from?". Or put Dee in italics.
11. "males...ladies" make "men...women" or "males..females". Switching from "males" to "young ladies" makes it sound like you are having to make the females more respectful, i.e. they were really prostitutes. (Exaggeration, but I hope you get my point).
12. because, "remember: typo, extra "
13. "Heidi's mother, doted on her" make "Heidi's mother, who doted on her"
14."mother, herself" no comma
15. "hoard" should be "horde"
16. Why was Ryan tired and gaunt? Didn't H ask? Reading later: was this the onset of cancer?
17. I know little about dance, but would Ryan have trusted H with such a demanding role on her return to ballet? Perhaps a younger ballerina could have had the main role, and H a supporting one?
18. Did Ryan not think about having an affair with another woman while away from his wife?

Chap 2:
General comment; When a new person speaks it should be on a new line, as you do in chap 1. Not in the same paragraph, as you do in this story.
1. "She had taken her name" puzzled me. Change to "Sarah had taken...". Ambiguous as it stands.
2. "Sarah so admired" is "Sarah admired" in U.K. English
3. "medallion of the Mother Mary around her neck" is better.
4. I think S. would say "that was fast" after she had answered the phone. At first she would not know what it was about: it might have been G calling to say he had got the job.
5. Comma after "weeks on end".
6. "Confronting" G with the letter sounds like jumping the gun. It would be better to say she just asked him what it was, and he replied but her suspicions were aroused.
7. "volunteers were spotty"? In U.K. this would mean they suffered from acne! But I get what you mean.
8. The Pastor sounds just a little bit too good to be true: give him some failing.
9. When S called on God the 2 earlier times, she was told what to do. The last time with Jason, you do not say this. I think you should say "She knew what she had to do" or something like it.

Chap 3:
General point: I honestly did not like the last paragraph. Instead of a real twist you've put a joke which clashes with the mood of the preceding passages. I would have left it out, or changed it to an account of Flash's death, and the final effect on David and Mollie. have a look at Thurber's "Portrait of Rex" and you will se what I mean.
General point 2: Your writing style is much improved compared with chap 1.
1. Travelling with a cat? Or that is how I read the 3rd sentence. What pet had they kept? If none say none, or say what it was.
2. “Vet” then “vet”. Be consistent.
3. At least 4 courses! What would those be? A what when there were more?
This is really over the top, at least for someone in impoverished Europe.
4. Let them run? Loose? The dogs would have disappeared.
5. Learned to put them in large cages. This makes an enormous jump. How did they decide on cages? How long did it take them? Where did they get the cages from? How did the dogs react to being put in them?
6. Flash had been a formidable winner, yet his future was grim? Would he not have been used for breeding as they do with racehorses?
7. "Qualified applicants could take the dogs home". This reminded me of a point I observed earlier: the vet allowed David to take the dogs home, even though he had not owned a dog before, and these were special dogs needing careful handling. Why did she do this? Why did she not check up on him? Reading later: this was after David had adopted the dogs. Maybe you should say this first.

Overall not at all bad!

Keiran Proffer
The Earthly City

CLF Review.

Warning Christine: I write down comments as I read. Some may be resolved later. Take on board or ignore as you wish.

Chap 1:
General comment: I did not get the point of this story at first. Then I realised it was the use of something familiar to call a person to heaven. I have heard of similar experiences when a person dying saw old friends, long since dead, come to get him.
Perhaps you could make it a bit clearer that Firebird was the great thing in Heidi's life. Though reading again, I must have been a bit dull to miss it.

1. I had to read 1st sentence twice to see if H was opening the door to go in or out. Could you change "opened the front door" to "came out through the front door"?
2. "swollen, she had to" change to "swollen and she had to".
3. "he decided to sleep" somehow sounds a bit mature for 5/6. Change to "he sneaked down to sleep"?
4. "as best as" sounded clumsy. Can you find an alternative?
5. Sylvia in italics and underlined. Usually just italics for titles.
6. "wearing Ballet shoes" no capital B.
7. Full stop after "feel herself blush"
8. Swim, workout, hot bath? In Hawaii? She would have boiled! Cold shower at the end more like it! Or another swim.
9. "pegnancy, of becoming a mother" Wrong! but hard to explain why. "Pregnancy" is a noun; "of becoming a mother" is an adverbial clause (I think). Either way they are not related, so should not have a comma in between them. Change to something like "pregnancy, the adventure of becoming a mother"
10. "Dee?" "Where did that come from?" make "'Dee' - where did that come from?". Or put Dee in italics.
11. "males...ladies" make "men...women" or "males..females". Switching from "males" to "young ladies" makes it sound like you are having to make the females more respectful, i.e. they were really prostitutes. (Exaggeration, but I hope you get my point).
12. because, "remember: typo, extra "
13. "Heidi's mother, doted on her" make "Heidi's mother, who doted on her"
14."mother, herself" no comma
15. "hoard" should be "horde"
16. Why was Ryan tired and gaunt? Didn't H ask? Reading later: was this the onset of cancer?
17. I know little about dance, but would Ryan have trusted H with such a demanding role on her return to ballet? Perhaps a younger ballerina could have had the main role, and H a supporting one?
18. Did Ryan not think about having an affair with another woman while away from his wife?

Chap 2:
General comment; When a new person speaks it should be on a new line, as you do in chap 1. Not in the same paragraph, as you do in this story.
1. "She had taken her name" puzzled me. Change to "Sarah had taken...". Ambiguous as it stands.
2. "Sarah so admired" is "Sarah admired" in U.K. English
3. "medallion of the Mother Mary around her neck" is better.
4. I think S. would say "that was fast" after she had answered the phone. At first she would not know what it was about: it might have been G calling to say he had got the job.
5. Comma after "weeks on end".
6. "Confronting" G with the letter sounds like jumping the gun. It would be better to say she just asked him what it was, and he replied but her suspicions were aroused.
7. "volunteers were spotty"? In U.K. this would mean they suffered from acne! But I get what you mean.
8. The Pastor sounds just a little bit too good to be true: give him some failing.
9. When S called on God the 2 earlier times, she was told what to do. The last time with Jason, you do not say this. I think you should say "She knew what she had to do" or something like it.

Chap 3:
General point: I honestly did not like the last paragraph. Instead of a real twist you've put a joke which clashes with the mood of the preceding passages. I would have left it out, or changed it to an account of Flash's death, and the final effect on David and Mollie. have a look at Thurber's "Portrait of Rex" and you will se what I mean.
General point 2: Your writing style is much improved compared with chap 1.
1. Travelling with a cat? Or that is how I read the 3rd sentence. What pet had they kept? If none say none, or say what it was.
2. “Vet” then “vet”. Be consistent.
3. At least 4 courses! What would those be? A what when there were more?
This is really over the top, at least for someone in impoverished Europe.
4. Let them run? Loose? The dogs would have disappeared.
5. Learned to put them in large cages. This makes an enormous jump. How did they decide on cages? How long did it take them? Where did they get the cages from? How did the dogs react to being put in them?
6. Flash had been a formidable winner, yet his future was grim? Would he not have been used for breeding as they do with racehorses?
7. "Qualified applicants could take the dogs home". This reminded me of a point I observed earlier: the vet allowed David to take the dogs home, even though he had not owned a dog before, and these were special dogs needing careful handling. Why did she do this? Why did she not check up on him? Reading later: this was after David had adopted the dogs. Maybe you should say this first.

Overall not at all bad!

Keiran Proffer
The Earthly City

Christine, thank you for your message, I hope you enjoy my book/s. I have just read Reflections and really found that it flowed very well. For me, these are the sort of short stories that are loved by the readers of Womans magazines, it may be worth exploring that if you haven't already done so. I wish you every success with them.

Blessings,

Judy
God an'a Dog
Land of Shadows.

CCRG and CLF review:

Christine,

I just read your first story. It's very touching and has a beautiful ending! But I did have a bit of trouble following it. There were so many time changes that it became confusing and a bit frustrating to me. While some flashbacks would be nice as a variety rather than having the entire story in chronological order, I'd suggest cutting back on them a bit. I think it would make your story more powerful.

I look forward to reading more of your stories!

Blessings!

Patti

https://www.amazon.com/author/pattitingen

CCRG Review

REFLECTIONS: I loved the sentence where he didn't tell her, and she didn't tell him about their dance history. That added tension and made me want to read on to see where these secrets would leave them. The rest of the story moved so smoothly. The ending nearly brought tears to my eyes. Isn't love something? If you don't lose your loved one to divorce, then you will surely lose them to death. But in eternity there will be no more seperation! Great job with this, Christine, I really liked the first chapter! Maybe it should be titled Firebird? Or something to do with birds because it is mentioned so often!

Sincerely,

Donna
Jessup and the Teleporter

CLF and CCRG Review

Christine,

In the story, Reflections, I love some of your imagery, feeling the close connection between Ryan and Heidi on the plane ride, the soothing Hawaiian beach, Heidi’s relationship with Sylvia and pregnancy and ultimately Heidi’s finding her way back to Ryan for eternity. What a beautiful twist you provided with the ballet story and the red feathers. I think this was very lovely. It was difficult for me when there was a reflection within a reflection, (Heidi reflecting back on how she met Ryan and then in her reflection, Ryan reflected back on how he came to love ballet. Maybe it was by choice, hence the title, but it was hard for me to sort out. I’m thinking it might be helpful to stay with reflection at a time.

In, The Food Pantry, I think the twist at the end was good, the canned goods getting Jason. The Christian’s lives here seemed to be very perfect almost robotic. They might have some flaws or things that don't work out for them. I liked the story though. I think you have a knack for short stories, which are difficult to write.

Man’s Best Friend was as I remembered, very funny at the end. The feelings between master and pets in this story, comes through in your words. I like the pacing here.

The Runaway was one of my favorites of your stories. I think this twist in Annie finding out what was important to her after all the year was admirable. I thought this a sweet story with a great moral at the end.

Death's Due showed something beautiful in an experience most people fear. This story had some great elements and themes.

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Christine--I've read the first story for CLF. You write well with a nice touch--not over-loaded. The ending was breathtaking.

I'll keep reading when I learn what your expectations are on CLF.

Best wishes,

Jim

Dear Sir, thank you so much for your much appreciated comment, and even the fact that you put my book on the shelf. It made my day.
Christine

For a long time now, I’ve thought that writing short stories was becoming a lost art. They are not easy to put together because the author has to use all their characterization skills very quickly to help readers connect, all the while building up a plot’s beginning, middle and end. Author Christine C. May however, makes this process look effortless in Five Short Stories with a Twist.

May has smartly grouped similar stories together in this collection so that they could be sold as a full book. And it’s nice that they all have running themes, though loosely. That said, readers are treated to several different kinds of stories, from almost sweet tales to the darker side to an almost epic thriller type ending story. My favorite was Food Pantry, but my tastes run a bit darker than most. All are well-written and all could be the subject of a full length novel. Instead, we are treated to some great tales in a short period of time.

The market for short stories is a little soft, but a book like Five Short Stories with a Twist could possibly change that.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

For a long time now, I’ve thought that writing short stories was becoming a lost art. They are not easy to put together because the author has to use all their characterization skills very quickly to help readers connect, all the while building up a plot’s beginning, middle and end. Author Christine C. May however, makes this process look effortless in Five Short Stories with a Twist.

May has smartly grouped similar stories together in this collection so that they could be sold as a full book. And it’s nice that they all have running themes, though loosely. That said, readers are treated to several different kinds of stories, from almost sweet tales to the darker side to an almost epic thriller type ending story. My favorite was Food Pantry, but my tastes run a bit darker than most. All are well-written and all could be the subject of a full length novel. Instead, we are treated to some great tales in a short period of time.

The market for short stories is a little soft, but a book like Five Short Stories with a Twist could possibly change that.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Christine,
Revisiting your book of short stories, I decided to focus on "Death's Due" chronicling the life and times of an entire family spanning three generations. Starting with an Austrian father and Dutch mother prior to the outbreak of war, their six chilren Trudi, Gerry, Hans, the twins Mark and Maria, and the youngest Henri are raised in Austria. The war splits the family, the father staying in Austria where he's taken up with another woman, the mother returning with her brood to her native Holland. From there, the mother remarries and her new husband takes them to Australia to become a farming family. Then as they come of age and have families of their own scattering them as far as America, they start dying off from mishaps and ailments. Finally at her mother's deathbed in Holland, it is just Maria with surviving siblings awaiting whatever comes next. It is a poignant story where happiness is fleeting but love stays unbreakable among brothers and sisters cast adrift by parental breakup and rough economic times. Your narrative is simple and clear, your dialogue sparse but with impact, occurring only when necessary. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

The trick for short stories is to cram as much information into the narrative and dialogue as possible so as to sustain reader interest throughout. A good short story should read like a mini novel. Christine has successfully accomplished these prerequisites in each of the five short stories presented here. High stars.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

Return Read–Food Pantry

Christine,
This is an interesting story about a woman who knows the power of prayer, who often hears God speaking directly to her.

There was a bit of jumping around in POV throughout, which diffuses the tension somewhat, especially toward the end of the piece when Sarah is confronted by Jason.

Best wishes with this collection of stories.
Kate

Hi Christine, I read chapter 3, Thanks for supporting my book, I appreciate your help. This was both a heart warming amusing story and an emotional story as well. You have shared these experiences as though I was an old friend sitting next to you in a bar. I was gripped all the way to see what happened in the story. Good Work.
I noted you didn't separate dialogue in a paragraph and it was a little confusing in places. I think your stories will be warmly received, it's nice to have something positive to read.

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock

I've read the first three of your stories. Some of them, like "Reflections," hardly seems like a short story at all. It has the grand sweep of a novel. I was very moved by the ending.

The next two stories were unusual, mainly because of their endings. In both case, you end with humor, though the first story, "The Food Pantry," was not a funny story otherwise. But I cracked up at the ending.

These are stories of life and of living. There aren't any werewolves or fairies or wizards, no detectives or action heroes, just regular human beings moving their ways through life. There is a genuineness to each tale. There is much heart in these, and I enjoyed reading them. Thanks for coming my way and giving me the opportunity.

Mark
HELL'S SUPER

Hi Christine
I thought I would jump stright to runaway and I thought it was fantastic. It is a great story and well told I thoroughly enjoyed it. If the other stories in your book are as good as this one then it will do very well for you. Highly starred from me. Well done.
Brian.

Hi Christine
I finished The Runaway today.
This is a charming story about Annie and her early adult life. Escaping her domineering mother and large family she has to make good on her own at the age of sixteen with her friend Dot, selling magazines then encyclopedias. Henri falls for her and stands by her as she struggles to find herself. After a lucky break she ends up in the comfortable life of a rich household where a secure future awaits after the death of the lady of the house and the proposal of becoming her replacement. But ultimately the first love wins through.
I really enjoyed this short story. A great touch of the twenties. Language style and the decorum of the day are wonderfully evoked here. I see that you tend not to use short forms in the dialogue section such as,Annie I am only telling you... Instead of I'm only telling you. At first I wished you had more short forms but on reflection it probably reflects the times. We are such lazy talkers nowadays!
A great tale and I will try to come back when time allows to grab another bite of your work.
Good luck with this.
David

I love the read of this book. We have had several good ballet dancers in our family and i can identify with all of this at some level. Nice visuals in your writing but go ahead and describe the dancers like Heidi more from head to toe. Ballet dancers have lots of feet problems, and these can be described at length. Size, shape, calf shape, muscle shape and length of arms, legs...Bone structure... All this helps to paint a picture of the dancer you could capture! High stars, i will keep reading and rate!
Roslyn
Scribe-Lings, for your child like heart Dear Roselyn, thank you so much for reading one of my stories, the advice is also appreciated. I love your book covers and will return the favor.
Christine
"I Am" Through the Ages, for your seeking heart

I love the read of this book. We have had several good ballet dancers in our family and i can identify with all of this at some level. Nice visuals in your writing but go ahead and describe the dancers like Heidi more from head to toe. Ballet dancers have lots of feet problems, and these can be described at length. Size, shape, calf shape, muscle shape and length of arms, legs...Bone structure... All this helps to paint a picture of the dancer you could capture! High stars, i will keep reading and rate!
Roslyn
Scribe-Lings, for your child like heart
"I Am" Through the Ages, for your seeking heart

Hi Christine,

I have never attempted with short stories and as far as I think it is very difficult task to create the surrounding, fill in emotions and tell a complete story within the frame of two or three pages. Obviously you have done justice to all of the stories here. I am unable to point out any issue regarding your style, delivering emotions and totality of the stories. I liked the book very well. (the story I most liked is Man's Best Friend)
Hoping to catch you up at book stores soon.
Regards
Liinsa Hines
Behind the Revolutions- Walk with a Soul

Hi Christine,

These are very beautiful stories. They are very touching. Reflections was particurarly nice.
The story helps us to also reflect. To reflect on our own lives and to value the importance of the people in them.

I was a little confused by the sentence.......The grass was starting to turn green again.... Isn't grass always green?

I also enjoyed the food pantry. I wonder why Susan did not elaborate to Sarah the reason why Jason could not be trusted.

Well done Christine. Highly starred.

Alice Barron, "The bed next to mine"

Wow - excellent writing and very, very moving

Top drawer stuff - well done

Thank you very much.
Christine

Wow - excellent writing and very, very moving

Top drawer stuff - well done

Your writing is excellent, very smooth and eloquent, and this is a clean manuscript. The edits I suggest are mostly stylistic nuances, not actual mistakes. These are my random thoughts as I read your work. I chose the first story and loved the way it began, except that the first sentence confused me. I kept thinking there was a conversation going on, but there wasn't. I suggest you relocate that sentence and start with "The light..." Then you could slip in the bit about it looking like the White House after the word "property." Otherwise a strong opening, you got my attention. Found one little typo/mistake, the break before the fourth paragraph should be before "It was the middle of March," not after it. Do you know that Ryan O'Neil is a very famous US movie/tv/tabloid star? I loved the scene when Ryan first saw ballet on the summer porch, very evocative and sweet, wonderful mood to the language. Nice segue between the glass of wine in the past and her daughter asking her if she wants a drink in the present. "Sylvia was only too happy.." is a POV shift out of Heidi's head, are you sure you want to do that? I like how she looks in this next scene, the red leotard...very sexy. This feels to me like it should be a novel, not a story. When you summarize what happens, I want to see full scenes and hear more dialogue. This piece would make a great outline for the long form... I love the scene with her mom. You will see when you read mine there are similar scenes in it, with the elderly mother. "the pain was gone!" should be "the pain IS gone!" Enjoyed it. Good luck and thanks for the read swap.

~Gail SECRETS WE KEEP

Christine,

I read Man's Best Friend as it just seemed to be what I was in the mood for at the moment of these five. I thought it was a pretty good read. I am brand new here so hopefully I won't offend you (I'm never sure if people want to hear the negative or just the positive) but I found some grammar issues that you might want to look at (or not).

1) Somewhere around the 12th paragraph or so you have "that that" - two thats - one of them should go.

2) "never to let them run lose" (loose)

3) helped looking for him When I read this straight through I had to go back a minute because it didn't feel right due to the 'helped looking' - two words that just don't seem to go together. Suggestions: helped look or, and I believe this might be what you were going for, a pause between the two, either 'helped, looking for him like a lost child' or helped; looking for him like a lost child.

4) "She pulled lose" Lose should be loose. You might lose your wallet but your shoelace might come loose.

5) "As Tiger hit the ground, it went into convulsions" I had a problem with this sentence because the name Tiger and the word it seem to be at odds with each other. While the use of the name tends to lend personality, the pronoun it, would suggest an object. An animal could be called by name or certainly, a cat could be referred to as 'it.' Either could be appropriate but not in the same sentence. Given that this particular cat was cared for and that its death brought profound grief, my suggestion would be something like: As Tiger hit the ground his body went into convulsions, (and then finish the rest of the sentence which I do not remember at the moment.)

I hope I haven't offended you. If you ever read any of my work (Good Girl, All For Joy, or A Place For Hope) and you find spelling errors, grammar errors, or errors of any kind, let me have it!

It was a good read though and I did enjoy it. (You can actually look at this as a compliment because if I didn't like it I wouldn't have finished it - there are many I haven't finished.)

Christine,

I read Death's Due as it appealed to me most in the pitch. I think you have a nice easy flowing style which brings you from start to finish very smoothly. I liked the idea behind the story and the way you skip from one family member to another.

There seems to be a book lost in that story. Maybe too much for a short story. But that's not really a complaint, just a suggestion.

Excellent writing though. Highly rated.
:-)
Eddie

Christine,

I'd rather not give a suggestion. I've only read 'Reflections' so far. I don't want to be presumptuous. However, it seems to me that you have a keen interest in (and an understanding of) people, their lives, their journeys. There's also a certain spirituality in your writing. I think you should concentrate on these areas IF you choose a new book title. The way I see it: the title doesn't have to tell people what's inside; it should prepare them for what's inside. They should read one of your stories, think of the book's title, and nod. They should grasp the connection. That said, I've just glanced at your pitch for this book. You write, 'Don't miss this chance to experience the purity of love in all its many forms'. That encapsulates what you're doing here, doesn't it? A further distillation of your line - something that might serve as a compelling book title - is All Kinds of Beauty.
I HOPE I'M NOT BEING PRESUMPTUOUS.

Aba.

Christine,

I read 'Reflections'. Beautiful story. Elegant writing style. I'll read the other stories soon. One piece of constructive criticism. In my opinion, the title of your book is banal (which, from what I've seen, is the opposite of everything contained within). I think a more imaginative book title would capture more attention. Best of luck in every regard. Give me a suggestion please? Christine

Aba.

Christine,

I read 'Reflections'. Beautiful story. Elegant writing style. I'll read the other stories soon. One piece of constructive criticism. In my opinion, the title of your book is banal (which, from what I've seen, is the opposite of everything contained within). I think a more imaginative book title would capture more attention. Best of luck in every regard.

Aba.

Read Chapter One, nice love story. Memories inside of memories nicely written. I will have to come back and check out the other short stories. Good job.

Hello, Christine. Chapter (story) one wouldn't load so I went onto 2 and had a read of The Food Pantry. This is probably my end; I've been having trouble on Authonomy lately, stupid laptop! Anyway, first off, good title. I think you have a good insight into writing short stories. Getting them published is said to be one of the hardest markets, where wriitng is concerned, to break into; (I've recently had my first one accepted after a loooooong time trying!) I enjoyed this. You've got a strong story here and the descriptions, dialogue, characters, etc, are well constructed.

The only thing that I could find fault with, was the layout and the fact that it would benefit from a good edit. Dialogue should be seperated into its own paragraph, otherwise, it gets a bit confusing as to what's going on. Some of your speechmarks are in the wrong places, too. There is nothing that a good going over wouldn't correct, just keep combing over it to iron out any errors.

All in all, I think you've done a good job here. You have a smooth narrative voice and the pacing is good. Highly starred and I wish you all the best with this. Well done.

I did get to read story two this time. Opening with dialogue is something new writers take a while to learn. It goes right into the story. I like your voice and your style of writing, and your straightforward tone. This is what you have to do in a short story because you only have a few pages to tell your story. I will come back and read another one or two. For now, I am giving you five stars, excellent. Good work.

Dear Christine,
the short story is a notoriously difficult genre to successfully write because one needs to have an economy of utterrance and, at the same time, be able to fill the narrative with enough detail to make it a full story. You have managed that wonderfully with 'Reflections'. The story of Heidi's dream of dancing wrapped around her life story, meeting Ryan and the eventual marriage is so full that it leaves the reader with a very copmprehensive feeling of her entire life. Her instrospection and emotion is very well managed and the reader is caught with a sympathy that would normally take many chapters. Very well done. Kindest regards, Steve

Hi Christine, I read your first three stories and found them very entertaining. I think your ideas and your writing style are very special, although, yet might like to see 'just a few' of the telling paragraphs converted to action or dialogue. I loved the dog story and wouldn't change a thing on that one. Very clever ending and funny! Stars for you!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Christine how your writing so reminds me of Nicholas Sparks and even some of Anne Rice's work too. Chapter one (Reflections) has all the magic of a mid summer courtship in the South with "A Streetcar Named Desire" trolling on by with the ghost of Marlon Brando still screaming "STELLA!".

This is quite good and you catch at it's essence youth, beauty, and in the final stage death. But the journey you take is not a menancing death but as peaceful as an old friend bringing two lovers back to each other. This has great appeal to a great market and will go up fast to the editor's desk. Good job and keep writing. You've just gained a new fan!--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

Hi Christine: Told you I'd be back and again am glad I am. I have just read Death's Due. Again, this is written in a deeply moving form with just as much content as reflections. The difference here being a tighter storyline and (Hard to believe after reflections) an even more moving ending than my first read. Unlike some here, I have no issues with the short story format having done many of my own. The knack is to keep them succinct, which you do, and as well written as a long format tale. My only helpful thought would be that if you were to publish this you would perhaps need two or three more stories to make up the pages. As before though a fantastic read.
All the best
RMA
The Snow Lily

I read the first two short stories and my first thought was: too much going on and very fast paced. I then realized that you have to squeeze everything into a short format which In a novel we are allowed to spread out over many chapters. Though I had to get used to the writing-style, which felt a bit staccato to me, I did enjoy your stories. Nicely done and well edited.
Best of luck;
Elke
'Ella In Between'

Hello Christine. I'm used to reading novels on this site, so your short stories seemed rushed at first. I soon got into the swig of things and realise that there's a lot of information that has to be squeezed into a smaller frame.
The stories are very thought provoking and I'm still pondering on 'The Runaway'. I might read it again as I can't decide the ending. Maybe I lost concentration and missed an important hint.
The whole thing is very well written and edited. There is a huge market of people with busy lives, for short story books. It's a shame the publishers aren't so keen.
If you want your paragraphs to show up as indented press the tab key before each one. They show up on then, on this site anyway.
Loads of luck to you, Jesamine.
Northampton, Lime and Time Alone.

Man's Best Friend

This story made me cry. Your cat died. Cats are my favourite pets. My face is still wet with tears
Anyway, thank you for sharing this story

CHIRG review

Christine,
Reflections is a beautiful and heart warming story. Your characters immediately came to life for me. Before I knew it I was at the end of the story with a tear in my eye. Your knowledge of the subject added even more to the story. I can't wait to read the others. High ratings!

Sara Stinson
Finger Bones