The War of Poisoned Wombs (a.k.a. Reflections at Spearpoint)

First and foremost, I am impressed. Your writing flows wonderfully and so allows for the reader to be focused purely on the story. You have clearly mastered that big step in writing that requires letting go of the detail to allow the reader to create their own personal experience of your work. So many writers fail to understand this, but I suspect you grasped it some time ago. Which brings me to your comment regarding vagueness of form. When I read I don't want a character to be described in adjective-laden sentences detailing every aspect of the character's body. What I do want is to be given an outline to fill in for myself, a basis from which to exercise my imagination. You give that freedom here, using context and characterisation to guide me, and from that I form images of the Besti that hint at female Amazonian-esque warriors mixed with native American cultural influences.

There is little I can offer in terms of criticism. A handful of sentences would benefit from some light rewording, and once or twice the same words are used in close proximity to each other, but that's being really quite picky.

I have only read the first half, but I shall certainly be returning to finish it. It's a short piece overall, but mastering that kind of work is as hard as writing 100,000 word novels. If you were to write a collection of tales of this calibre, it would certainly interest me.

D M Sharples.

Edit: Having now finished it, there is little I can add to what I've already put. This is a wonderfully told tale that really shows your skill. I think the third chapter could do with a little editing, but other than that this is very good.

Watchlisted as well... will read and comment. Interesting concepts :)

This is really cool. Interesting that there aren't too many men, but lots of women. Men are only needed for breeding purposes :) I've thought about that before. The Great Mother seems mean and heartless. I hope our narrator ends up taking her place. Maybe it'll be her little sister, Li, though. I think I like this one better than your other story, not sure, though :) You have a great imagination!

First and foremost, I am impressed. Your writing flows wonderfully and so allows for the reader to be focused purely on the story. You have clearly mastered that big step in writing that requires letting go of the detail to allow the reader to create their own personal experience of your work. So many writers fail to understand this, but I suspect you grasped it some time ago. Which brings me to your comment regarding vagueness of form. When I read I don't want a character to be described in adjective-laden sentences detailing every aspect of the character's body. What I do want is to be given an outline to fill in for myself, a basis from which to exercise my imagination. You give that freedom here, using context and characterisation to guide me, and from that I form images of the Besti that hint at female Amazonian-esque warriors mixed with native American cultural influences.

There is little I can offer in terms of criticism. A handful of sentences would benefit from some light rewording, and once or twice the same words are used in close proximity to each other, but that's being really quite picky.

I have only read the first half, but I shall certainly be returning to finish it. It's a short piece overall, but mastering that kind of work is as hard as writing 100,000 word novels. If you were to write a collection of tales of this calibre, it would certainly interest me.

D M Sharples.

Edit: Having now finished it, there is little I can add to what I've already put. This is a wonderfully told tale that really shows your skill. I think the third chapter could do with a little editing, but other than that this is very good.