Book Jacket

 

rank 86
word count 19504
date submitted 28.07.2011
date updated 02.03.2014
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

No Remorse

Ian Walkley

Lee McCloud's best friend's daughter has been abducted in Mexico. But this is no ordinary kidnap for ransom. And McCloud is no ordinary man.

 

Please note: I am not looking for backing on Authonomy as I have self-published No Remorse. I am interested in getting a publisher, however, so I have left the novel here as a sample of my writing...

Having suffered the horror of witnessing his sister kidnapped when he was fourteen, the abduction of his goddaughter Sophia in Mexico is an opportunity for McCloud to deliver some badly needed justice.
Things don’t go as planned, and McCloud finds himself partnered with Tally, a computer hacker in a secret organization that raids the bank accounts of wealthy terrorists.
Determined to save Sophia at all costs, McCloud finds himself on a collision course with an exiled Saudi prince whose ambitions include a key role for Sophia.
With their pasts catching up, McCloud and Tally find themselves trapped in a conspiracy, hunted by enemies on both sides and conflicted by their feelings for each other.
But time is running out. Sophia is about to become part of a crime that will have profound consequences for an already unstable world.
Complete at 100,000 words.
No Remorse has now been published on Amazon. Thank you for your support.

 
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tags

action, adventure, betrayal, conspiracy, crime, drama, epic, female, intrigue, kidnap, love, military, murder, mystery, redemption, rescue, revenge, r...

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88 comments

 

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mscynthia wrote 46 days ago

Hello,

Wow a book where there's a mission involved! It has all the makings of an action-packed tale. The tempo was what I noticed most. It's very rapid and the information about the characters comes at the reader in a punchy rate. This is very well-done. I noticed that you said that this was published already. I wish you much success with the book sales. It's a riveting story, your book/novel should do well.

Cynthia
Sharing Short Stories/Alecner

Lara wrote 132 days ago

I think this plot is complex enough to engage the minds of mystery and thriller readers. However, I think the author has over egged the pudding as the plot evolves. The odds have to be stacked against the MC but there is too much that happens. Readers must buy the plot. A bit less on the shocks front and a bit more on the character building and this will be a good book.
Rosalind Minett
A RELATIVE INVASION

Kim Hotzon wrote 207 days ago

I have some similar themes in my book "Hands Full of Ashes". I wonder if you would be willing to take a look and leave me a comment regarding my story?
Regards,
Kim Hotzon

Andrea Taylor wrote 465 days ago

Slick, riveting and enjoyable! No negatives at all. Excellent.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

Lara wrote 541 days ago

Rather chilling, as it should be with this build up. I liked the main character but wanted more detail about him and many of his actions or decisions. The pace was fast moving and I enjoyed the read. Recommended.
Lara
A RELATIVE INVASION

Abby Vandiver wrote 581 days ago

Good book. The tension started from the first word and kept going. I loved it.

Good luck on this and I will buy one from Amazon.

Abby

PM Jordan wrote 610 days ago

Ian. I like it. Breakneck and adrenaline-filled. Read first two chapters without stopping. Great stuff. PM

Nick Cullen wrote 815 days ago

Yep! 1st chapter down, this one's for me. On my bookshelf and that's not just lip service. This is gonna be a good read, good work sir.

Nick Cullen wrote 815 days ago

Yep! 1st chapter down, this one's for me. On my bookshelf and that's not just lip service. This is gonna be a good read, good work sir. No idea why my comment came up twice, perhaps I subconciously clicked twice, responding in the affirmative but thinking about keeping comms noise to a minimum! Mac would understand.

Petra Phillipe wrote 817 days ago

Whew! Chapter 2 was a shocker. Backed.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 834 days ago

NO REMORSE
This is an exciting story. I started to just read the first chapter, then kept reading and reading to find out what had really happened to the girls. You have a good writing style for this type of story: crisp and sharp. Always moving the story forward. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

RebeccaT wrote 850 days ago

If you plan on writing at this pace don't stop, make sure you can keep this pace all the time, the short chapters are good, too long and they're boring..

Your scenes are vivid, no wasted dialogue.

Best of luck with this as the way you write is the way writing is going, shorter stories and a lightning pace.

Rebecca and William.

just barbara wrote 854 days ago

hi
just read chapters 1 - 3 of 'No Remorse', its not my usual genre, but I have enjoyed what I've, and will probably carry on when i've got time, so i'm putting you on bookshelf for a while. I did notice that much of chapter 3 was in the 3rd person and wondered if there was a way of bringing this into the 1st person, to draw readers in faster. Other than than, no comments, except thanks for the read. If you have any spare time in the future and can take a look at my own book, any comments will be welcomed.
thanks
Barbara
Awakening the Magic

Shelby Z. wrote 868 days ago

Your book starts off really well as it catches the readers interest right off.
Very good job on the first chapter.
Hope to read more later.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Hetho1234 wrote 881 days ago

This book what I read so far had me wanting to read further to see what happens. Great plots and characters.

Renaud wrote 886 days ago

This book is very well written with a sure touch, I think the writer is potentially the best I have come across in this genre on Authonomy. I whizzed through 12 chapters without pause.

I enjoyed it, and yet when I paused I felt that it was all too fast and insubstancial. For the first time in a thriller I wished that the scenes had been built-up more slowly. I know - why write 1,000 words when 500 will do? Well it would be good to built-up the characters and situations. I did not identify with or feel anything for any of the characters, I did not know them, I would like to. Usually when I give up on a book it is because I don't give a damn about anybody in it.

At the moment the book feels a bit like a screen-play. The story would be good as a mini series not least as actors would be able to invest personality into their roles.

That said, the writing is very good, I would not be making these comments if I did not believe that with a slightly diferent approach the author could write great books.

I stopped when I got to the baddie, wow! As well as murder, torturing, raping, kidnapping, white-slaving, body-part harvesting, pornography and terrorist arms supplying - he is a Saudi too. What is left? I bet he fiddles his taxes, steals lead off church roofs and kicks kittens too.

I think that I must have a problem with the genre. Once Superman has been invented then it becomes too easy for him to catch ordinary criminals so Lex Luther needs to be created too... So if you have a Jack Reacher style hero, plus a Salander style hacker then you need a crew of super villains for them to pit themselves against.

Lee Childs builds his stories slowly and with care so that when you eventually get to a firefight from which the hero emerges unscathed, you accept it, even though Reacher is so characterless that he is little more than a plot device. Childs' trick is to make you care for those Reacher helps. Lisbet Salander is so messed-up that one cares for her despite herself.

The Nomad wrote 888 days ago

I was easily taken with this story; putting the Iraq Afghanistan veteran into the Mexican badlands reeled me in. I very much enjoyed it, I sailed through the chapters with ease. The writng is good and puts a the picture in your mind. Nicely written and a very interesting story, I enjoyed it. Backed.

The Nomad
THE ISLAND EXPERIMENT

Pete A wrote 888 days ago

No Remorse

I just wrote this ‘on the fly’ as they say. I didn’t bother with my usual formal structure because I didn’t need it. Few books here have had this effect on me. Although I would never bother to buy or read a book like this, it was pretty obvious from the get go that I could add little or nothing of value to you. It is a fully competent thriller – at least the first few chapters that I quickly read. Your control is such that I doubt there are any major plot faults. An easy read. Six stars.

Sheilab wrote 892 days ago

Ooh gripping stuff, Ian. Read the first four chapters - they raced past. Brilliant - thanks for the read.
Sheila

Sheilab wrote 892 days ago

Right. I love the title and the blurb. The cover's great too. Can't wait to read it. Will try to get back to you as soon as I can!
Sheila

Tom Bye wrote 892 days ago

Hello Ian--

book-No Remorse--


Read the first six chapters on this thriller in extra fast time. They are however short and as it does, open with the Taliban- i could see that it was going to be and up to the minute thriller.
the six chapters certainly move along at a rollicking pace, and at not point did i lose interest in the read.
All the trade-marks are there for the premise of lots more action to come.
I felt as if i was watching a series on the t v. it was so realistic and engaging.
recommended for lovers of action, intrigue and conspiracy.

tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses'
For a genre of a different kind you might spare some time, and glance at mine. thanks

Tonia Marlowe wrote 893 days ago

Thank you, Ian, for the priviledge of reading your book. I either like a story or I don't. If I like it I back it. If I don't ... I don't.
This I like, a very exciting and well-written story so I'll support it.

I never presume to tell a writer how he or she should order their tale so I gave up commenting critically a long time ago.


Tonia

EnggDude wrote 894 days ago

Excellent introduction and good beginning!

stoatsnest wrote 895 days ago

This is excellent pacey stuff. It had me reading quickly to the end of the fifth chapter without effort.

Su Dan wrote 896 days ago

you have very good writing style with perfect pace and build up, descriptive narrative that help your excellent story move along...
backed with six stars******
read SEASONS...

AliB wrote 897 days ago

Hi Ian
I'm not a big reader of thrillers but right from the pitch I can see this is a sharp and polished piece of writing. I've read 2 chapters and love the level of detail (the scope and the crosshairs, the SLR - all convincing) and the way you stitch in telling bits of backstory to round out the character. It reads extremely well and I'm confident you have the plot all sorted out. I'm offering some minor edits if you are interested but feel sure this will do well just as it is..
Like spooning with a woman- great simile but something about it distracted me - found myself trying to picture the position (and the trigger?!?) - maybe make it more specific (cupped the but like ha would have cupped a gir's breast ...?)

Almost God-like – suggest you use either ultimate or God-like - less is more (and no need for 'amost' which weakens the idea)

Shifted his aim …ordering the others – better as 2 sentences
Wasn’t right – slightly weak ending to chapter - either spin it out a bit, or 'something was wrong' would be moore positive

2. When the girls emerge and are not the right ones it seems odd when we've just heard it's not Cyn. Either avoid 2 cases of mistaken identity at the same time, or acknowledge it in some way, e.g. 'Of course it wasn't Cyn, but neither were these girls the ones we were looking for'.

At the same time the leader … better in two sentences

Despite my nitpicking, this strikes me as well-writtena and commercial. Backed with pleasure.
AliB
A Kettle of Fish

davidwaynebrown wrote 897 days ago

Great start so far. Enjoying the suspense building up to the kill.

MariaB wrote 901 days ago

I don't normally read fiction but this is good! Very fast paced and hard to put down. Great attention to detail - but not overdone. 'No Remorse' a very compelling read - as far as I got. Great work! Maria

MariaB wrote 901 days ago

I don't normally read fiction but this is good! Very fast paced and hard to put down. Great attention to detail - but not overdone. 'No Remorse' a very compelling read - as far as I got. Great work!

Kerry O'Neill wrote 901 days ago

Only had time to read a few pages but I liked what I read! Well done Ian.

Jodie Renner Editing wrote 902 days ago

Riveting book! Well-written, great plot, complex, well-developed characters, important social issues, and lots of edge-of-your seat suspense - this story has it all!

Chipper10 wrote 902 days ago

very good book, Ian. You know the craft of the thriller novel and you do an exellent job with the descriptions and the the plot.
Backed. Best wishes,
Chipper Newman

J.S.Watts wrote 904 days ago

A gripping, visceral, page-turner of a thrilller. Violent, bloody and very macho. The voice is storng and the only weakness I found was the occasional cliched description, but then I'm not normally a thriller reader, so it maybe par for the course.

J.S.Watts
Witchlight

S K Monson wrote 905 days ago

Gripping!

Dakota Velasquez wrote 906 days ago

Ian,

I must say this is a "grab your attention and never lets go" type of book. I began reading and couldn't stop, before long I was already on chapter five and was eager to move on. Unfourtantely i have other matters to come to but I must say that I will be back to read the rest. This isn't the normal type of book I read, but I must say you have really got me excited about your writing. In the future you'll see somemore comments from me, I really cant wait ta see what is in store.

You're a really talented writer and I hope you realize that one
Dakota

desiree lane wrote 909 days ago

I couldn't make it past Ch.3 because there is blood and gore. I like the way that you have outlined the plot in the story and the dialogue is captivating. The plot is terrific and I'm sure the readers will enjoy this plot twisting, gut wrenching, thriller.

BabyStar wrote 912 days ago

Have had this shelved for a bit already but owe you a comment!
This jumps straight in to the story with the hostage exchange situation so immediately grabs your attention, helped by a couple of acts of violence on both sides. I find the sections on the ship particularly creepy, very shady goings-on and by the looks of things to a further extent than what may have first been portrayed.
I love anything that is easy to get into, I don't believe reading books should be hard work. The sort of book where you get to the end of a chapter and think "I'll just read one more", before realising it's the early hours of the morning and you really should get some sleep! Helps with chapters not being over-long either so flows nicely.
This is definitely the sort of book I would be drawn to buying and wish you the best of luck

Ivan Amberlake wrote 920 days ago

Ian, I read two chapters of your book and I should say you have 'No Remorse' for my poor nerves! Wow! What a great opening! Superb writing! I read those like a bullet and will award it the top rating. Best wishes with the book!

Ivan Amberlake

Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve wrote 922 days ago

Hello Ian. I read the first chapter of No Remorse and was impressed.

It's solid work, and crafted to have just the right amount of hook to keep the reader involved. You mesh the development of character, plot and setting nicely, using bits of fine detail to really put the reader into the story.

When I reached '...was their one and only priority.' I had to go back to the beginning to remind myself of the narrator's name. Might toss it in there a bit more. Also when it switched to Mac, had to think for a moment to realize it. Might want to hand that one off to the reader a bit easier.

There're a few cliches in here, I see that others have noted them in the comments already. Some would say that there's a reason they are cliches; because they work, but I would say that they're still better to avoid. Takes the reader out of the story for just a moment.

The use of brevity in form (short sentences) and in description (compact, doesn't hold up the pace for long) makes the work easy to swallow and more attractive, particularly to the folks that typically pick up this sort of book.

Well done. I'm rating it highly and will support. Would love to hear your thoughts on my work as well.

-Throck

Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve wrote 922 days ago

Hello Ian. I read the first chapter of No Remorse and was impressed.

It's solid work, and crafted to have just the right amount of hook to keep the reader involved. You mesh the development of character, plot and setting nicely, using bits of fine detail to really put the reader into the story.

When I reached '...was their one and only priority.' I had to go back to the beginning to remind myself of the narrator's name. Might toss it in there a bit more. Also when it switched to Mac, had to think for a moment to realize it. Might want to hand that one off to the reader a bit easier.

There're a few cliches in here, I see that others have noted them in the comments already. Some would say that there's a reason they are cliches; because they work, but I would say that they're still better to avoid. Takes the reader out of the story for just a moment.

The use of brevity in form (short sentences) and in description (compact, doesn't hold up the pace for long) makes the work easy to swallow and more attractive, particularly to the folks that typically pick up this sort of book.

Well done. I'm rating it highly and will support. Would love to hear your thoughts on my work as well.

-Throck

hockgtjoa wrote 923 days ago

Kidnapping an American as a potential donor of her lungs in the middle of flesh peddling seems like it should be an intriguing hook--why wait till chap. 5 to bring it up? Anyway, I like this and will back it.

vent wrote 925 days ago

Excellent writting, voice and pace. Backed.

Vent

Melissa Koehler wrote 927 days ago

i read the first chapter and i really like your writing style. its flows nicely and reads pretty easy. i like both of your pitches- you didnt give too much away or too little, you captured just the right amount to display. your title is good too. i think youve got a really creative and unique idea for a book and i think this is going to do really well. on the negative side, i think your chapter length is a little short for if this were to become a published novel. other than that, rated highly.
hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts,
melissa :)

bannism4 wrote 928 days ago

Not really my cup of tea I'm afraid. Reading the first three chapters I came away thinking I had read or seen this situation many times before. Writing technique is Ok but too many comma's that weren't needed - always grates with me. Best of luck though - enough people in the world that like this kind of thing - just not me.

Timmy42 wrote 928 days ago

Hello

I have read the first chapter and enjoyed it. I like the pacing and the tension. The description is vivid and works well.

excellnt

Timmy
Asylum

Fred Le Grand wrote 929 days ago

Hi,
Read your first chapter. The structure is very good and the brevity of it makes one wonder what happens next.
The chapter ends with a question and the relevance of the scene is clear.
The characterisation of the MC is very good too. His voice comes through.
Pace is just right.
Like this.
One comment: 'patch[es] on their left shouder[s]'
Backed

book fan 85 wrote 929 days ago

Fluid writing that draws you in from the get go, not really a fan of this type of genre but the plot was so thrilling it made me keep reading. Sometimes your explanations ran on a bit long, but a little tweaking will sort that out. For a thriller a good read :-)

Meg1800s wrote 929 days ago

Hi Ian, I liked this a lot. It's punchy, fast-paced, no-nonsense and has great details, like the pebble in his mouth and the names of the main character's team members (called Hero Helpers in novel speak). I've only read the first chapter, but it has all the great aspects of the thriller genre. I'm not surprised you're turning it into a screenplay, since Hollywood makes these kinds of movies all the time! :)
~ Meg

Michael Jones wrote 931 days ago

No hesitation in backing this, Ian. Very polished, fast, fluid, pacey writing - I could pick up a few tips from you so I'll be finishing what's here.

Kudos, Mate.

Jon

Catherine Edmunds wrote 932 days ago

Effective pitches. I wouldn't normally read thrillers, but I'm certainly going to take a look at how you begin this one.

I'm glad to see you jump straight into the action. This is effective writing, though slightly marred for me by the occasional cliché (cheekbones that looked like they'd been chiseled from stone) and sentences split in half by full stops where commas might have been more appropriate. Chapter one ends on a good hook, so I'll have a go at chapter two and see how you handle it. You handle it with a viciousness that is correct for the genre. Again, the chapter ends on a page-turning moment. I've a feeling the chapters are a little too short, but that's a minor point. The action is convincing, and it's extremely filmic, which is what you want in this sort of story. The reader really needs to see and hear every detail, and they do.

An excellent example of the genre.

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