Honey Sweetheart

Hello Lacy; I have just finished reading the first four chapters of your book and love it. You breath new life into, what is for most people, a time of exploration and difficult decisions. Honey is brought to life with great finesse. The religious aspects of your book are not preachy but poignant. I admire your easy writing style and the way you bring that time of our lives and the memories we have probably forgotten, back with such measured clarity. I really must applaud you for making what could have been a very difficult message to get across, so very clear. Well done and top marks.
RMA
The Snow Lily
Sea Spray and Stars

This is a marvelous little gem. What I most like is that Honey Sweetheart sounds just like a 15/16 year old and not like an adult with a chronological age of a child! Your book is authentic and the way you smoothly bring your Christian faith into the story is perfect - not pretentious nor artificial at all. Honey seems to authentically grow into her awareness of her need for Christ. Before I go on, let me say that, even as an adult, I was immediately caught up in your story and held spellbound until the tenth chapter (personally, I kept hoping Brett would come back into the picture and be Honey's true love instead of Trevor). Your characters are full-blown persons including 19 yr. old curt, Honey's real friends, Amelia and Cindy, Ruby and the tragic accident and friendly Carl. Your fantastic word pictures of summer camp made me really remember my own attendances at camp as a teenager. Some reviewers may tell you to put in more dialogue - I hope you don't. I think you have plenty of dialogue and I was caught up in Honey's thoughts and descriptions - didn't need any more dialogue. There are a few kinda awkward phrases - but I think they make your book sound even more like Honey is writing it or telling the story and, again, I hope you don't change them. So, I've no suggestions to make because I think this book is perfect just as it is :-) and I certainly hope to see it go to publication! Prayers, Pat ps. yes this is going on my bookshelf as soon as I can get a space. Until then, lots of stars!

Lacy, This is such a good book and I hope young people will read it. I do pray for the young because it is a tough road for them emotionally and the world surrounds them with increasing secularism and a mind boggling amount of distraction. And for someone like Honey, raised in the church, taught to be consistent in her walk with Christ and taught that there is a road that leads to life and another to destruction, it's very hard when those situations arise (as they do so very often) which have her standing at the crossroads facing the conflicting emotions within her, wanting to do what is right, but tempted to go with the flow. She loves the Lord and wants to find within herself the deep desire to serve Him. She's searching for that, and how right she is to believe that the way to that is through God's Spirit. I love her as a character for your story. You did a marvelous job of writing this. Her personality shines brightly. She's very endearing. I love the energy she brings to the story and her flow of thought. And she shows such understanding in so many ways. For instance, she immediately felt that her aunt had prayed for her at one point in the story. She considered a change for the better in the way she felt as evidence of the prayers said for her. As a Christian book for youth and young adults I consider this excellent. I am very impressed by your work. It is highly impacting. I want to thank you for the invitation to read your book and I hope you complete it and get it out there for publication.

God Bless,
julie

This could be the only second 'long chapter' I have ever read here that I LOVED. I have read a lot of them since I started. Too many to count, and this is definitely the best long chapter. Sure that sounds kind of weird but a long chapter is a pet peeve of mine. I almost tell 80% of my chapter reviews that they have to split it in two or trim it. I HATE long chapters. However, this piece, was amazing. I loved every second of it. Honey was easy to relate to, she was hilarious, a brat at times, nice at times, and completely enjoyable to hear about.

There were so many exceptional moments and lines in this that I can't even recall all of them. I did remember I loved the first paragraph. After I read it, I was like that is some good writing, but after finishing the whole chapter I don't even think the first paragraph can even compare to the rest of the story.

"Then he called me a word . . ." It was so brilliant of you to not tell us what the word was. Why? Because Honey had never heard it before or know the meaning of it so she wouldn't remember. Sure mean remarks stay with you but sometimes they don't. I'm just glad you didn't say what the name was. It also made us want to guess what the boy called her. Again, just genius.

And you are sooooo funny. I laughed my ass off when Honey kept telling her mama 'homeschool me'. The second time was the one that I laughed the hardest.

Can't believe her mama named her Honey and her other daughter Hope. LOL.

Well, to cut it short, this is one of my top 10 first chapter on this site. P.S. Better than all the ones awaiting the desk right now. shhhhh. don't tell. 6 stars and future shelf. Can't do it right now because I just changed my entire shelf and I don't like taking books off just after a couple of days.

Hey Lacy,

I read the first four chapters and enjoyed it. You represent the constant struggle young christians go through as I can attest to that. I saw some of myself in Honey. I like how you make the story sound like she is telling it rather than it is currently happening. It's a nice change. The insight her mom gives her adds some depth to the story because you can tell that her mom has gone through a lot herself and just wants what's best for her daughter. It was very good.

God Bless,
Sarah
Sapphire

To Lacy,
“Honey Sweetheart” is a real Honey Sweetheart. Honey being a typical of a good and God fearing teenage girl, attracts our mind and soul. The story of Honey and Brett is amazing, full of beauty and serenity, full of feelings and emotions and yet full of life and love. The book is a brilliant one as this has been written in a Christian spirit with a message of change and true love. I love the ending of the book, because, it comes to a close with a new beginning. A good book is not only entertaining but which bears the moral and the spiritual values with a real message. This book is indeed a marvelous one both in matter and spirit. I hope, the young stars will love it full to the brim and be spiritually benefited. Highest stars.
Surya,
The Names of the Believers……

Wow Lacy, my gut screaming "READ THIS" wasn't lying. Excellent writing here :)

a few nitpicks though, (Forgive me if I sound extra critical, you see, I AM a seventeen year old, once home-schooled, quieter girl so...you're basically getting a critique from the character you're writing about. :) )

"Because for the life of me I kept making this same mistake over and over again?" Shouldn't be a question mark.

1) The idea that this almost adult girl would lock herself in a bathroom stall and call for her mommy to come save her is overly cliche in the thought that home schooled people are afraid of people. In fact, the way you describe her you'd basically have to claim that she had a literal phobia of new experiences, or schools, or strangers, etc. Because any other way and your character just sounds insane. It's a good start, but her fear of the school is over the top and because of that, makes your story a bit harder to believe.

2) "An obscene name" she was schooled at home, not dead. She might know a few bad words. Even though you mention she only hung out with kids from church, church events and church camps, there are quite a few non-christian children that would come to a church event or church camp. So even her little bubble that she was obviously trying to create wouldn't work entirely. (Believe me, a large group of my friends have tried to form a little "Christians only" bubble and it's not worked.)

3) Oh darn, I was on a role with the number things, but I have no point three. Well, no big meanie critical "this is wrong' point three. Guess I'll be nice now :)
I do like this, like I said, this wasn't really on my list or anything because you asked for it or that anyone said I should read it, your pitch drew me in. Your ending to this first chapter has intrigued me and I do plan on reading further. Let me make it very clear that this interests me and I think you could have a real winner here, and that is why I was so harsh with your beginning.

Honey Sweetheart is...wow. What an overly sweet name, sickeningly sweet in fact, in the best way of course. I like it, it's original. I hope there's a small story to come explaining exactly how the name came to be however?

Excellent writing here, giving you a fair sprinkling of stars and, as I said, will be back later to read more.
God bless

CLF for Chapter 3

Right off, I just want to say I liked this chapter a lot. In the first half, you took your time telling the story, setting things up and filling in the details. When we get to the section around the visit to Curt's house, I felt things speed up again, though. When Honey is panicking and she's asking herself all those questions to try to understand why she's feeling sick, I thought that whole section could be streamlined for clarity and improved flow. Fewer questions, perhaps. Also, when Curt meets her at the beach and asks why she left, and she asks herself a bunch of other questions, something like, 'What does he want from me?', I kept wondering, Just how naive is this girl? Thankfully, a little later, it becomes clear she's not as niave as all that. I think it might help to move that piece of info earlier into the story, otherwise I fear that Honey comes off as just too naive. Also, I thought her change of attitude at the end came a little too quickly, considering it took a while (a school year I think) for her to change into the 'selfish' character we saw in chapter 2.

One other small point: There are still a lot of paragraphs that begin with 'I'.

Please remember that all of my comments are only my personal opinion and that I don't read much YA, but I shared them because I thought there might be something that could be useful to you. I can see there are many others who enjoy the story just as it is. :)

Best,
Charlotte12

CLF for chapter 2:

This chapter read really quickly. Maybe a little too quickly? I felt like we ran through a lot of important information about her transformation and its effect on her friends and family without really stopping to examine it. It almost read like a diary entry rather than a chapter of a book. On one hand, this could be a good thing, as it could reflect Honey's negligent attitude towards anything other than what she wants or is interested in, but on the other hand, I felt that the speed didn't allow me to really become invested in what was going on.

Something else to consider: in the first section, 7 out of 11 paragraphs start with 'I'. You might consider revising this so it doesn't stand out as much.

I do like where things are headed. :) Honey is very niave and it's clear that she has a lot to learn about life. :)

Charlotte12

CLF Review for Chapter 1

Hi there,
Finally made it around to your book! I think I'll make an entry for each chapter I read just to keep things simple.

I think the opening line is a little weak. I understand that you are introducing us to Honey, but it seems too literal. As I read further, I actually thought that with some reworking, paragraph 4 might make a more interesting start.

Also, the boy who screams at her asks too many questions. I think you could delete some of them to give his rude outbrust more punch.

Finally, the last section was a little confusing. Was her time in Christian school hard because she was so closeted BEFORE (being a home schooled child) so it was hard to adjust to the new environment, or was she STILL as closeted as before, but being older, just felt stifled by the same old rules? Then she says she was spoiled rotten. I don't see that, really. It seems as though her parents are very protective and limitted her a lot. When she says she took her parents for granted, it doesn't ring true to me. I think you might be missing some background on her relationship with her parents: why are they like that? what did they hope to gain by protecting her so much? Wouldn't Honey be angry that her parents sheltered her so much she is incapable of handling stress (first day if regular school)? And if it's not appropriate to give the parents' motivations right now, what does Honey's understand about her parents' motives? The book is her story and I think that once we have a good set up for why she thinks and behaves as she does, Honey's rebellion will make more sense and she'll become likeable. Right now, she is in the dangerous territory of 'spoiled' which doesn't make for an empathetic MC.

On the upside, your writing is clear and easy to read, and the MC's inner dialogue is well done.

Charlotte12

CLF Review for Chapter 1

Hi there,
Finally made it around to your book! I think I'll make an entry for each chapter I read just to keep things simple.

I think the opening line is a little weak. I understand that you are introducing us to Honey, but it seems too literal. As I read further, I actually thought that with some reworking, paragraph 4 might make a more interesting start.

Also, the boy who screams at her asks too many questions. I think you could delete some of them to give his rude outbrust more punch.

Finally, the last section was a little confusing. Was her time in Christian school hard because she was so closeted BEFORE (being a home schooled child) so it was hard to adjust to the new environment, or was she STILL as closeted as before, but being older, just felt stifled by the same old rules? Then she says she was spoiled rotten. I don't see that, really. It seems as though her parents are very protective and limitted her a lot. When she says she took her parents for granted, it doesn't ring true to me. I think you might be missing some background on her relationship with her parents: why are they like that? what did they hope to gain by protecting her so much? Wouldn't Honey be angry that her parents sheltered her so much she is incapable of handling stress (first day if regular school)? And if it's not appropriate to give the parents' motivations right now, what does Honey's understand about her parents' motives? The book is her story and I think that once we have a good set up for why she thinks and behaves as she does, Honey's rebellion will make more sense and she'll become likeable. Right now, she is in the dangerous territory of 'spoiled' which doesn't make for an empathetic MC.

On the upside, your writing is clear and easy to read, and the MC's inner dialogue is well done.

Charlotte12

Hi Lacy
This is a late CLF review.
Your story reads very much like a diary. It makes it seem very realistic and definitely keps the POV with Honey. I'm not much with chick lit, unfortuneately, so this is not what I would normally be reading.

It does read very well, it is well written and the characters are interesting and realistic. The conversations are good and seem realistic as well. It seems like a great story for teenage girls. I stopped at the 4th chapter, so I am not sure if there will be moral lessons for Honey coming in later chapters or not.

As the writing style and grammar are excellent, I can't really find much to comment on to offer as an improvement. I think your book should do well.

Hi, Lacy – this is your CLF review from AudreyB. I am often accompanied on my reviews by my English teacher alter-ego, The Grammar Hag. If I say anything you don’t like, it was probably her idea.

I have read this before…a very long time ago…and can see that you have made many adjustments. So it’s like reading a new story! My first impression, however, is that there’s more telling than showing here. When you offer us a scene, such as Honey’s experience in the public school classroom, you write it very well. We need more scenes and a bit less narration. Honey’s transformation from sweet and likeable to stuck-up and snotty and then to committee to God will be more believable then.

When Honey and Trevor visit at the party you have the perfect chance to let their conversation show us what we need to know about them. This conversation can reveal that Trevor isn’t what one might expect from a boy attending a Christian school, and that Honey is pretty willing to leave her faith at the door in order to hang out with a handsome boy.

Brett’s habit of shouting “Kirk, wait up!” doesn’t match his description of having an attractive confidence about him. Nor does the scene where he talks the girls’ ears off.

When Honey notices Brett singing with his palms raised, she’s impressed. As a reader, I could see this myself if you had given us a scene showing Honey and her family at church. A scene like this early on would show us how she treats her sisters and her parents, and could allow us to see her reaction to the few people who raise their hands. Then when we see Brett singing, we’ll be struck by his devotion to his faith.

The scene where Honey sits down with her mom to say, “I don’t get it mom…” is incredibly powerful. It’s the one time I truly feel sympathy for Honey. I wish more of your scenes were rendered this way!

Honey’s conversation with her aunt Stacey is similarly powerful. One way you can show the reader Honey’s frame of mind at key points in the novel is to have Stacey put in an appearance. If she’s present in an early scene, we can see Honey react with skepticism or outright disbelief at Stacey’s story. Later we can see Honey begin to understand how the Holy Spirit is working in Stacey. Then finally, perhaps, we’ll see Honey offer advice to someone in much the same way Stacey has advised her.

I remember being turned off by Honey when I previously read this book. Your changes have made her much more realistic and likeable, you are definitely on the right track.

~AudreyB
Forgiveness Fits

Honey Sweetheart by Lacy Enderson
Smooth and easy read. It is hard not to feel drawn into the story about Honey.
I see there are a few minor changes since last I read it, and it seems well polished up.
The story and character of Honey are really drawing. The situations that she goes through are real and aren't so unbelievable that YA genre couldn't relate to her.
The hardships are real and I can relate to the depression part of her.
I also like your new cover, it has a sweeter feel to it.
Amazing work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Final CLF Review chapters 9 to 14

Hi Lacy,

I have finished your wonderful book and through it all you have kept Honey’s inner dialogue consistent allowing your readers to closely identify with her. This is such a strong point in your writing. It gives great purpose to what you are doing here. When one can connect with the characters in such a strong way, they just may be able to imagine themselves seeking to make the changes that Honey desires to make in her own life. Namely, having victory over doubts and selfish desires.

There were a few times that I chuckled because Honey reminds me so much of my 20 year old daughter. In fact, I had to read portions of your book out loud to my eighteen year old son just to share the similarities I discovered. Through your book, I also came to a better understanding of my “people-loving,” social butterfly daughter. Thank you.

Undoubtedly, your book is character driven -- and it’s done beautifully. The plot is interspersed with interesting happenings and romances that show a gradual movement toward self-discovery and the need for Spiritual power. It is all done really well. I just wonder if a sub-plot could be playing in the background to give the story a firmer foundation. Maybe take a look at Sara Zarr’s young adult book, Once Was Lost, to see what I’m talking about. Don’t get me wrong, Honey Sweet is every Mother’s Dream book for their little, or not so little girl. It points their hearts to “What” really matters. You deserve a standing ovation!.

Dianna

I only have a couple suggestions for chapter nine:

“I was tired, even tough (though) I napped on the bus.”

I wonder if you could give a clearer transition from Honey speaking and when Aunt Stacey begins to tell about her experience with the Trinity. At first I wasn’t sure who “she” was: “I was angry, depressed, and an absolute mess,” she said…”

Also, I found a couple inconsistency with how you are punctuating Honey’s thoughts. Any way you choose to do it, is fine, but simply be consistent. Sometimes Honey’s thoughts are book-ended in quotes, sometimes they are italicized with quotes, and sometimes there are no quotes or italics.

Lacy
I have read the first four chapters and feel like I know Honey so well. The inner turmoils she faces are ones that many teenage girls will be able to relate to. Her voice carries such honesty and the reader is drawn in because Honey is so open about her dilemmas. She wants to be good and follow 'God' but she is also drawn to another world of cheerleaders, popularity and boys who are older or have a dubious reputation.
An enjoyable read.
High stars and future backing.
Maria (Georgina's Family)

CLF Review of Honey Sweetheart

As an old man, I don’t read much young adult fiction, so I may have been expecting too much. I found Honey to be a ‘typical’ teenage girl (if any individual can truly be called typical), but I also found her behavior to be a little less mature than I’ve observed in the majority of home-schooled kids I’ve known.

Mostly, I’m not quite certain where you are going with the story. While it is well-written, and the grammatical errors may be an intentional device to represent the language of a teenage girl, the book seems more a series of scenes rather than a purposeful plot moving toward a definite conclusion. If chapter fourteen is actually the end of the story, I’m disappointed. You haven’t given me any reason to like or trust Trevor, and you have given me reason to dislike and distrust him. And, while I see the beginnings of spiritual growth and maturity in Honey, I don’t see, in the fourteen chapters I’ve read, the story your long pitch promises.

I am actually reluctant to post this review, because I prefer to be more positive. I hope my comments do not offend you. It is obvious from the comments posted by others that your story has met with an overall positive audience reception, so my disappointment is simply a matter of personal taste and not indicative of the true value of your efforts.

Good luck with your story,

Robert

I'm really enjoying this and haven't noticed much that could be improved. I've read the first seven chapters today, and got to the seventh before noticing a few things:
Capitalize "Bible", 4th paragraph
"he depicted": Depicted is for something like a drawing. Portrayed would be a better word when referring to a person.
Fourth paragraph from the end: "Aunt Stacey" is spelled differently at the end.
I'll be back for more later! So far it's very interesting. I think girls will respond well to the story and the character; even though she says she's "mean", it's hard to believe. Thoughtless, perhaps, and maybe self-willed, but there's something pleasant about her in her story.
~Hannah

CLF review -- Chapters four through eight

Lacy,

With each chapter I read, I am more and more impressed with your writing -- it is highly sensitive to the inner-workings of Christian young people. Once again I found myself thinking you were writing about me as I was thirty-four years ago. I don’t think girls have changed much since then… We all basically have the same insecurities, hopes, loves, and most importantly the desire to be all that God intends for us to be. But somehow we get stuck between our wanting and our doing. You portray our and Paul’s paradox (Romans 7:14-25) in such a relatable way.

I have no doubt that you will show us how Honey overcomes her “self” and eventually yields to God’s very best for her. This is a book that I would gladly buy for my twelve year old daughter. It’s candid, insightful and very entertaining, all at the same time.

Dianna Lanser

Just one quick easy fix.

Chapter eight:

“The mountain road was very windy (winding) (one switch back after another or curved back and forth) so the bus had to go especially slow. I wasn’t fond of windy (winding) roads…” Windy is like breezy

CLF Review: This book is an open and honest account of a typical Christian teenage girl, and will appeal to all the Christian teenage girls who struggle in the same way. It's well written, easy to read and brings up so many issues concerning friendship and romance, potential dangers for teens, attitudes to school and family and the struggle to make right choices. There are a few minor typos, but they are easily taken care of.
My only disappointment Lacy, is that we don't get to hear the end of the story, yet your book is listed as 'complete'.

Kerrie Price
Answer the Call

CLF Review -- Chapters one through four.

I agree with some of your other reviewers. Honey Sweetheart is a gem, and might I add, worthy of the desk.
Highly relatable -- Honey’s inner thoughts and emotions insightfully echo the heartbeat of almost every teenage girl who’s being raised in a Christian home.

The hardest part is the pull of the world and trying to figure out what exactly is the Christian teen’s place in this exciting, sometimes scary thing called adulthood.

This story shines with truth and honesty and brilliantly shows the sometimes paradoxical American/Christian way of life. Just in the four chapters I read, I laughed, I shuddered, and I welled up with tears. This book has what it takes to at least make my shelf (at the end of the month) and receive six stars! And I hope I’ll encounter Honey Sweetheart in the bookstore soon. I’m looking forward to reading more!

Chapter two:

“Of course my mom worried that I (I’d?) made another commitment I wouldn’t follow through with…”

“…and had the most recent and high tech (high-tech) cell phones.”

Chapter four:

“I was far to (too) worked up to sleep…”

CLF Review for Lacy,

I'm enjoying rereading your book. It seems the perfect novel for teenage girls who've been raised in Christian homes. I'm sure every one of them would relate to this story. The language level is great for the target age group and you make Honey's mixed feelings about boys so clear. It is generally well edited, but I felt that in the first chapter too many sentences started with "I". Great work.

Dear Lacy,

I am so happy to revisit Honey Sweetheart for the CLF. I l loved your story the first time, and I still do! :) With a daughter just entering high school, this story connects with me on so many levels. I love the honesty in the opening about the struggles with schooling options. It can be such a hard thing for families, so I found this highly relevant. I also really loved the honesty in chapter three pertaining to the struggles with "remaining pure." How strong the temptation is...especially with a character like Curt. These are such important issues for our children. I am so glad you are on your way to publishing. This will be a gem for many Christian families.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Lacy--This is a CLF review. I've read three chapters and you have taken this 64 year old male back to those high school days. You have Honey speaking in a clear, authentic voice about the inner ups and downs of a teenage girl. I have a suggestion for your Full Pitch. I think you give too much away when you tell us that God is going to break through and set everything right. Leave the tension in the pitch; make us want to see if things turn out best for Honey.

Best wishes,

Jim Workman

Christian Lit Forum review,
Hi Lacy,
You got a great book here - Honey Sweetheart, great titel and cover. Just read the first three chapters and really enjoyed it. You fit the feelings of a sixteen year old girl very well. The story is well-written and I never found a mistake. The only thing that I could comment would be that it's practically all narrative - only from Honey's point of view, as if it's written in a diary format. I know the basic writing doctrine of "show, don't tell" but in this case it probably has to be in this style - otherwise it won't work. Perhaps as a compromise you could add a little more dialogue to make it more personal, such as on the beach scenes or at the cheerleader party - or perhpas telling (showing) us how in detail Honey made the cheerleading trials the first day she showed up. Some of my sisters were also cheerleaders in high school in L.A. so I remmebr these times as well, such as their practicing and their performances at the football games. I also like the teen abstinence message at the end of chapter three, it was well said. I have a similar story in one chapter in my book, Expat Wives, that also talks about teen abstinence in a comical way. If you're interested, let me know and I'll tell you which chapter it is.
All the best and blessings to you
Kirk
"The Notorious Expat Wives"

CLF review:

Lacy,

I had previously read your first 3 chapters so I picked up from there and read 4-6. I'm continuing to enjoy your story! Definitely brings back memories of my youth - feeling a bit shy around boys as well as many memories of summer camp. I have no expertise in the area of YA writing, but your word choices, etc. definitely sound like Honey's voice.

All the best to you and I'll be back to read more. And Happy Birthday!! :-)

Patti

I have to ask how come your character's friend 's name is Ruth? It sounds like an old lady's name.

YOu're also the one who had a girl meet BOY AT CAMP WHO KINDA HAD A THING GOING BUT NOT REALLY . Sorry about caps stupid caps lock

I actually suggested something would happen to someone based on the first chapter of your book once. So funny! Okay, not really but yeah. LOL

So, you're the one who had the girl hide in the bathroom and call her mom cause kids made fun of her in your book! It was inspiring kinda :/ I'm weird.

CLF

Lacy: This is my second reading of your book and I still think it is a lovely book. I really don't have any suggestions for improvement as I could see none. I think your book shows very good insight into the mind and thinking of a home-schooled 16-year old girl who just happens to be a lovely girl who attracts a lot of boys.

I find myself still hoping that Brett will return to the story and become Lacy's true love. Curt was too old for her, Trevor too worldly, and Carl, althought very friendly, was not really her type.

In my last review, I mentioned a 'few awkward phrases." I honestly didn't see those phrases in this reading and wonder if you've editing your book since my first review? I unabashedly and honestly *like* your book, Lacy and think it deserves publication. I feel like it will become quite popular among young adults and think it is an excellent book, as well as beautiful testimony, for young people to read. You have my very best wishes - and prayers - for publication, Lacy.

Sincerely,
Patricia Laster

CLF...Lacy...I've just finished reading and was impressed by how perfectly you've conveyed Honey's journey. I think it's a journey all of our children of faith travel...and you've helped them understand there is nothing wrong with them for thinking and feeling the same. Even we, as adults, feel much the same on many levels. (smiles)

Great job..(Hugs)...linda
Children Walking With Jesus

Hi Lacy...this is my CLF review:

I really enjoyed reading your chapters portraying Honey, a young girl caught up in wanting acceptance so bad that she ignores the warning signs going off around her and almost falls into trouble more than once because of it. I think Honey would definitely react the way she did in the different situations, because of the way she was raised. She’d been protected and cared for by her parents and the values they taught her stayed with her.

You, as a writer, are able to get into the mind of a young adult very well. Honey is blind to Trevor for who he is and makes all kinds of excuses for his behavior because she has built up her own vision of who she wants him to be, very typical of teens. She listens to the lies of society, and gets herself into some trouble, but as she experiences tough circumstances, she realizes that some of her own problems maybe aren't as important as she once thought.

She is taken from self-centeredness to thinking more about her friends and the people around her, and I like the fact she doesn't change overnight. In real life, we often have to experience a lot of life and mistakes to come to realizations about ourselves and others that create positive change. You accomplished this rather well.

Although the audience is for young adults, it’s relatable to so many ages, as just about anyone remembers those insecure, awkward moments of being a teenager.

I think this you put a lot of thought into this book, and it is an excellent story for teens to read. I only saw four typos in all of your chapters. I think this is wonderful and well-written. Best wishes!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Ch. 1
I spent many years locked up, just me and God. (didn’t quite understand what you meant by this)

Ch. 6
I was only fourteen, but I matured….(period left off at the end of sentence)
Ch.13
“Why do you sabotage everything?” I thought (.)
Ch. 14
It didn’t take long before Trevor and I was (were) an item.

Hi Lacy...this is my CLF review.

I read all 14 chapters, and enjoyed the book very much. Your writing is very clean...did not see any misspelled words. Some of the sentences that might need to be tightened up in another type of book fit very well in the mouth of a 16/17 year old. I really have no idea what goes through the mind of a high school girl struggling with the balance between her Christian values and the strong pull to fit-in and be accepted. So I appreciate you taking me there in the book.

This would not normally be the genre of book that I would read, so it is refreshing to be exposed to new things. But this book is written for the young-adult Christian market, so any value I might add in this review should provide some helpful comments or suggestions about the story or the writing. I honestly could not find anything to constructively criticise. I think you have a very good book, well written, that pulled me into the characters and the story, and that left me with interesting and new things to think about. But that is not what you need as helpful feedback from the YA genre writers on Authonomy, who can give you a much better critique. All I can say is that this 60-year old, Christian male appreciated the fresh and updated insight into a world that I have not been a part of for a long time. God bless you so much, and good luck with your wonderful book. Honey Sweetheart is on my watchlist, and on my bookshelf in the near future. Bart Jahn

{Honey Sweetheart} – Lacy Enderson

Great pitches, pulled me in right away, and I wanted to find out more about Honey and experience her internal struggles.
The introduction/authonomy chapter 1 does an excellent job at establishing Honey, and also links in to more broader themes concerning teenagers. I particularly liked her questioning ‘Do teenagers have brain damage? Do we have faulty memories, because for the life of me I kept making this same mistake over and over again?’
The voice is great, the reader truly connects with Honey.

In the next chapter, I enjoyed reading about Honey’s journey through school; her friendships, her experiences, and her gradual transformation. Very powerful and I see how you’re sowing the seeds of conflict. What I like about your work is you create this internal conflict based on the way Honey’s character changes and she slips into the ‘new life’. Even though this is Young Adult and it is specifically about teenagers, I think you handle the portrayal so well that many readers will enjoy it, and the story can be applicable to other instances in life and transformations of personality, when we are sucked away from what is right.
High stars and I’ll definitely continue reading this! Thanks so much for your positive comment on ‘Dawn of Destruction’ and all the best with everything :)
Sincerely,
Cara
p.s. I’ve also made some more detailed editorial notes as I went if you want to get in touch over email! :)

What a charming book. This book includes applicable dialogue for the age for which it was written. I hope you have great success with this book. It is a rare gem not seen much today in the published world. Best of luck. Thanks for your support of December Gold.

HI Lacey,

I really enjoyed what I read of your book. Your writing style is very clean and crisp. You tell an important story, one that kids in your target audience need to hear. Many stars and God's blessings upon this endearing piece.

Lyn Ventura
With All My Mind

I read more chapters. You write very well, specially as 1st person, you draw the readers towards you.
More insightful. More understanding of differences here, you have explained.
You create suspect here. And you filled with varieties.

Yes, teenagers, do they have brain damage? Abnormal!!

You expressed a lot here pretty regular in the society. The peers/ abnormality verses ethos and family values.

Not only teenagers aalso parents of teenagers will read this for understanding.

Hello Lacy; I have just finished reading the first four chapters of your book and love it. You breath new life into, what is for most people, a time of exploration and difficult decisions. Honey is brought to life with great finesse. The religious aspects of your book are not preachy but poignant. I admire your easy writing style and the way you bring that time of our lives and the memories we have probably forgotten, back with such measured clarity. I really must applaud you for making what could have been a very difficult message to get across, so very clear. Well done and top marks.
RMA
The Snow Lily
Sea Spray and Stars

A very natural voice, your MC has, it's just like she's talking to the reader over a cup of tea. No obvious grammar or typo problems, just a flowing read that it's easy to whip through and feel involved with. I have only read three chapters so far, but presume there will be challenges and problems ahead for her, combining her faith with the day to day realities of life. It's realistic that, although she has had, it seems, a fairly sheltered and protected life so far, that being a Christian doesn't make her perfect or immune from faults, so that also makes her a believable and sympathetic character.

I had one tiny comment - the end of chapter two where she talks about not wanting a boyfriend - I thought it would have more impact to leave off the '...not then anyway.' part of the comment. Because I'm sure she will - and a more emphatic - 'I knew I didn't!' would have been more fun. The reader would go 'oh yeah? Aha....' if you see what I mean.

I can imagine this being popular with your target audience. Shall read on further and see how it continues
Cariad.

This is very good for young readers. I am a young boy and i learned something about how the character, Honey, judged herself in chapter one. The character admitted that she has a bad habit and disrespected her parents, full of wrath and obstinate. Despite her religious background and education background, she still find it difficult to abide to what she has already learned.

For me, I accepted that this is a story that every christian should read; it is philosophical. it reminds me how many times i had disobeyed God's word despite all the Bible verses that i knew, just because i wanted to please myself.

Another aspect that i enjoyed in your writing is your descriptive power. You let me felled into the story by given us the details of the character; such like, Small town in Los Angelis, the religious details of bringing her up, the act of going to church on Sunday and attending Sunday schools regularly and many more details

Though, I have just read only the first chapter, I will still read more.
six stars.

Isoje David

Animals in Paradise

This is a marvelous little gem. What I most like is that Honey Sweetheart sounds just like a 15/16 year old and not like an adult with a chronological age of a child! Your book is authentic and the way you smoothly bring your Christian faith into the story is perfect - not pretentious nor artificial at all. Honey seems to authentically grow into her awareness of her need for Christ. Before I go on, let me say that, even as an adult, I was immediately caught up in your story and held spellbound until the tenth chapter (personally, I kept hoping Brett would come back into the picture and be Honey's true love instead of Trevor). Your characters are full-blown persons including 19 yr. old curt, Honey's real friends, Amelia and Cindy, Ruby and the tragic accident and friendly Carl. Your fantastic word pictures of summer camp made me really remember my own attendances at camp as a teenager. Some reviewers may tell you to put in more dialogue - I hope you don't. I think you have plenty of dialogue and I was caught up in Honey's thoughts and descriptions - didn't need any more dialogue. There are a few kinda awkward phrases - but I think they make your book sound even more like Honey is writing it or telling the story and, again, I hope you don't change them. So, I've no suggestions to make because I think this book is perfect just as it is :-) and I certainly hope to see it go to publication! Prayers, Pat ps. yes this is going on my bookshelf as soon as I can get a space. Until then, lots of stars!

Hi Lacy, what an intriguing story - full of all the teenage angst which even at my great age I remember so well! I have finished the first three chapters and really enjoyed what I read and became very involved with Honey. I wanted to shake her by the shoulders then hug her hurt away in equal measures - that of course may be just the mum in me! Very good luck with the book and if you woukd like to visit mine 'Sanctuary' I would be pleased to recive feedback. Best wishes Tina Cox x

Honey Sweetheart. I see with horror that I havent yet reviewed your book! From your pitches, it seems as if this is going to be a poignant story, with which we all can relate.
I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be aqn expert. I also notice nits - hope you dont mind.

Ch.1. From the opening paragraphs, I learn that Honey is a priviledged girl, with an unusual background, so all of us might not be able to relate to her. And life is going to be difficult for her.

Do you want nits? There are some unnecessary / vague words which can spoil the flow of a story, and can be searched out: already, (Ch3) quite, obviously, really, suddenly.
Beware of repetitions too close together: school, just (Ch2) noticed, a lot of, (Ch3) house, my friends and I.
And rather a lot of paragraphs and sentences start with the first person singular!

Ch.2. Your style runs smoothly, and you vary the length of your sentences nicely. But your paragraphs are mostly short and run monotonously down the page. Maybe some dialogue and descriptive passages could be considered, to provide variation and retain the reader's interest?
We dont know what Honey or Trevor look like, and a glimpse of their famous city would be interesting for those who havent been there.
Oh how cruel life can be for a teenager! That is indeed universal. When I was that age, my stepfather would tell me to stop being so selfish - and I thought I was the most selfless caring person in the whole wide world!

Ch.3. Maybe a description of the wide long sands of the LA beach, and the soft rolling waves - with the town beyond the banks...
Ah - an enlightening description of Curt, whom I can now see in my mind's eye.
I like the go away glare she gives her mom, who is typically over-protective and intrusive. Well portrayed.

There are rather too many question marks in places.
That's a useful description of Curt's pad, but perhaps some of those short paragraphs could be run together? And Honey's maternal instinct is well introduced when she notices the lack of a woman's touch! I can relate to that.

I'm glad I finally remembered to read this. You capture young emotions well. There is some editing to be done, but we all have to do that, and it's always worth it in the end.
Multi-starred, and the best of luck with this. I see you're climbing steadily up the ranks. You deserve it - and again very many thanks for your continued support of mine.

Jane (Breath of Africa)

Hi, Lacey. I promised to do a read swap and I have just started. I'll read further, but thought I would give you my initial impression. I think you've got a promising story here and your writing is very clean -- meaning you don't have a lot of grammar or spelling issues to address.

I'm not going to play the game and say this is a terrific story that's ready for Zondervan. I'm assuming you're here to improve the story and get some help toward making it marketable. Your book has a lot of potential, I think, but it does need some work.

Your long pitch needs help. If I'd just been looking for a book and read that pitch, I probably wouldn't have gone any further. There's a thread you can look for that helps folks analyze and improve their pitches -- "Pitch me", I think it's called -- or you could ask the Christan Critique group for help. Just so you know, almost every new member on this site needs help with their long pitch. I've rewritten mine about three times, so you're in good company. Pitching is marketing and writers are not necessarily salespeople, but if you want to sell your book someday, you need to learn how to do it.

The first chapter had a lot to like. It tried to cover WAY too much in one bite. The single day in public school could be one bite. The first day of Christian school could be another bite. Both in one bite was a bit much for me. I really liked that scene with the kid calling her a word she didn't recognize. I'd like to see you develop that into a full scene, so there's some action in your story. Same with the conversatons with Mom. There's incredible potential for story-telling that you hardly even touch. Don't be afraid to describe the public school experience from the POV of a homeschooled kid and truly develop the experience. Most kids haven't had that experience, so you're showing them a brand-new world. You'll bring the reader much more into the story if you engage their emotions with Honey's..

You also have time zone issues. You start out in the present, but then you move to the past and then you waver to the present again. Some of those could be cleaned up by breaking out some of the events into seperate chapters. I also felt like you were giving me Honey as a grown-up, already self-aware, when I was expecting a teenager struggling with life's issues. I think that may be a function of the time issues. A part of the reader experience (in YA particularly, I think) is the journey of a young character into a more mature person. When you breezed through three years in one chapter, I felt like I was denied the journey. You may do better in later chapters, but ... again, if I were to just read that first chapter on spec in a book store, I wouldn't probably read any further because the struggle I expected just isn't there. It's hinted at, but denied.

I do agree with the British posters that this is targetted to American Christian kids, girls, pretty exclusively. That's not a bad thing, but it will limit the marketability -- also not necessarily a bad thing.

Overall, it's a good start with a lot of potential. I'll come back for a later chapter. Definitely, the story needs some work, but the writing is good and that's a major plus. The events have incredible potential for development. Keep working on it!

Lauri (Lela Markham, The Willow Branch)

Lacy, Great opening line and well-written Prologue. I definitely wanted more, so it was a disappointment to find the next chapter blocked for technical reasons. The beach scene is excellent. You describe the feelings of a sixteen year old girl so well. I'm no expert in this genre, but I'd say your story will be very popular with Christian teens. Five stars from me.

Camac
Untouchable

This is a well written Christian book for teenagers. (More for American teenagers I would have thought).
Honey does seem to be quite a spoilt teenage, but I think the book does cover a lot of the emotions and temptations at that rebellious age. And you have covered them extremely well.
Great book for any Christian teenage girl.
Junetee(Four Corners)

Hi Lacy
Thanks for your message - i have to say I throughly enjoyed this.
You present a realstic and relateable view and experience of teenage life that can resonate on many levels
Your main character Honey is great and I thought your writing style really helped to etablish her situation and provide the means for the reader to empathise with her.
So overall - well done , highly starred and on my watchlist !

Steph

Hello Lacy,
I have read the first few chapters and enjoyed them. There is nothing I can add to comments about style. The book is easy to read for teenagers and to identify with. I only have one issue with it, which is Honey's priviledged background. I feel that it limits the readership to those sharing Honey's lifestyle while those who need God's guidance most, losing out. Please, take this comment as one from a European who knows next to nothing about American society.
I like the boys, Honey meets and her comments about them and look forward to more from Brett and Trevor by email.
Have a brighter day than ours in still rainy France.
Brigitte x

I read some of your book the other day and i loved it.
Well Written.
Will be back to read more.
Would recommend to a friend.
5 star rating is given.
EllenMichelle :)
'A Model's Summer'

Hi Lacy,

You address some of the most crucial issues teenagers face - the need to fit in, the need to stand out, the desire to be popular and the complexities of first love / attraction. You write well in first person, and your target readership will, no doubt, be quickly drawn into the story of Honey Sweetheart.

Thank you for inviting me to read your book. Highly rated with my very best wishes,

Annette

The expression is crisp and the thoughts clear. This is a good representation of teenage,very American,angst. Cheerleading is something not many British girls get involved in. It's sure to be successful amongst teenagers with Christian backgrounds.