Second Chances

I appreciate the nitpicks, and it was all really good advice; all of which I had never thought of before. And don't be afraid to nitpick, because the devil's in the details

- Second Chances -

(Chapters 1-3)

Some very good writing in here. The two different narratives have distinct voices, achieved I think in large part by the dialogue, which incorporates Spanish for Felix and vernacular for Chance.

Each main character emerges as a fully rounded individual and sympathetic ones at that due to their respective difficulties, Felix's being economic, Chance's involving her relationship with Zeke. This sets up an intriguing love triangle and a lot of scope for tension in the plot.

I'm not used to the genre but definitely enjoyed what I read. The more racy segments got me a little hot under the collar too ;-)

I do have a few editorial notes which I hope will be of some use. I'm a novice as a writer, however, so these are only suggestions and i make no claim to being right about these things.

- I had the feeling it would be more effective to have the Felix and Chance sections in separate chapters rather than together in one. In other books I've read with this type of switching of point of view, I thought the separation of voices through chapters was a good means to the reader making that mental deliniation between narrative voices.

- At the very start, it was a little difficult to picture all the characters who were speaking at once through their dialogue alone. Perhaps if Felix were to give some kind of summation of who was saying what rather than everyone speaking, it might be easier to follow. Just a suggestion.

-It might make for an easier read if the dialogue were to be separated from the main body of the text more.

-Terms of address in speech should be capitalised. So 'Sir' should be capitalised in 'Thank you, sir.'

-I wasn't sold on whether those scenes involving both Felix and Chance needed to take place fully again from the different POV, e.g., the initial meeting which we see first through Felix's point of view and then through Chance's. To avoid a sense of repetition for the reader, it might be more effective to have the second character think back on the event briefly, rather than having the whole scene take place a second time. Again, just a suggestion to be taken or discarded as you like.

- I would probably capitalise 'Godess" in 'Nubient godess'.


These are all minor nitpicks. The story and the writing are solid and well executed. Very enjoyable stuff.

All the best with it,

Ross