The Other Road

Hi Jennie,
I know you wanted me to check out your latest book but when I got to your page I found the title of this one interesting. I'm not much of a romance reader but I liked the way you warmed up to what was happening in Dakota's life. I like your descriptions-- they make the reader feel a familiarity with the character (like despite having a realy bad day the food still tastes good). I often found romances to be pretentious but not this one. If there was a book out there that would get me to start reading romances it would probably be The Other Road. I'm putting it on my book shelf so I can finish it later. Kudos!

Jennie,

I thought I’d give you my thoughts on your first chapter. I won’t comment on a few punctual mistakes as you mentioned it’s still a bit raw so I’ll just comment for content.

You’ve created a very brooding atmosphere, the darkness, the lightning, the thunder in the distance, the black night sky, the drizzle of rain.

You also seem to have a good command of dialogue. I enjoy the witty remarks by the cab driver and the authenticity of the boss.

I also think you do a good job of creating intrigue surrounding Dakota’s profession. We first find out he is a former wrestler somewhere in the middle of the chapter ....We see Dakota's character developing nicely throughout the chapter too.

Chapter 1 ends with a sassy cliffhanger. I can already tell that this will be a sexy, modern story. Very well done.

In your bio, you say that “My favorite genre to read is romance with suspense and drama mixed in. It is what I write and what I look for when I pick out a book to read.” Bravo, you’re on the road to doing what you set out to do. I enjoy reading this and will come back and read more!

Best wishes,
Nicole
The Bosphorus Dreams

Hi,
I like romance so I came for a read.
This is so much more than girl meets boy. I read all four chapters and got immersed in the characters.
Drugs have so much to answer for, especially for those that live the high life.both Dakota and Madeline are strong characters that leap off the page and pull you into their world. I've always wanted to fly first class. Must be a buzz.
I really enjoyed this, if you post more let me know, I'd definitely read on.
Cheers Jacoba

This is my favorite out of all your writing. So glad you finally brought it here. I hope you post more than four chapters because anyone who reads it would be so shocked by the ending. :)

Laura:)
P.S.
Hope you don't mind me borrowing the name.

I've read 2 of your books and think both show strong promise.

Hi Jennie,
I know you wanted me to check out your latest book but when I got to your page I found the title of this one interesting. I'm not much of a romance reader but I liked the way you warmed up to what was happening in Dakota's life. I like your descriptions-- they make the reader feel a familiarity with the character (like despite having a realy bad day the food still tastes good). I often found romances to be pretentious but not this one. If there was a book out there that would get me to start reading romances it would probably be The Other Road. I'm putting it on my book shelf so I can finish it later. Kudos!

A very sweet and simple premise to the book. Has done well in catching my attention! Good Luck!!

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An interesting start. A sympathetic main character. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) ' and could not find a star..' Remove one of the two periods after 'star.'
2) "We all agree that we all have had enough of your drama." Muxlin had stated ... Comma after 'drama.' 'Muxlin had stated' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation).
3) 'Was it the drugs, the pressure of the public eye being on him all the time.' Put a question mark after 'time.'
4) 'Lighting flashed across the sky ... ' 'Lighting' should be 'lightning.'
5) 'He threw in his bag, then he two climbed into the back seat.' 'Two' should be 'too.'
6) 'Parents raising there voices to keep them close.' 'There' should be 'their.' There are more cases of using 'there' when 'their' is appropriate.
7) 'The threat of rain quickly change to a promise ... ' 'Change' should be 'changed.'
8) "Hey you" the driver snarled ... Comma after 'you.'
9) "This ain't no motel buddy." Comma after 'motel.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There is another case of this type type of problem.
10) ' ... pounding against the cars metal exterior.' Cars (plural) should be car's (possessive).
11) 'The young girl at the desk couldn't have been more than Twenty ... ' There's no need to capitalize 'Twenty.'

I hope this critique helps you polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take another look at "Savannah Fire" and, if it's worthy, keep it in mind when you next reshuffle your bookshelf?

Have a marvelous day.

Al

Well I finished chapter 20 and still enjoying it. Like all the twists and turns in the plot. Boy oh boy they both have a lot of bad karma around them. You've left chapter 20 on a cliff hanger, but I'm glad I'd have been peeved if it ended that way. Let me know if you decide to post more, I'd love to know the end. I'm betting there is a lot more to this story that hasn't been explored yet.
Cheers Jacoba

Jennie,

I thought I’d give you my thoughts on your first chapter. I won’t comment on a few punctual mistakes as you mentioned it’s still a bit raw so I’ll just comment for content.

You’ve created a very brooding atmosphere, the darkness, the lightning, the thunder in the distance, the black night sky, the drizzle of rain.

You also seem to have a good command of dialogue. I enjoy the witty remarks by the cab driver and the authenticity of the boss.

I also think you do a good job of creating intrigue surrounding Dakota’s profession. We first find out he is a former wrestler somewhere in the middle of the chapter ....We see Dakota's character developing nicely throughout the chapter too.

Chapter 1 ends with a sassy cliffhanger. I can already tell that this will be a sexy, modern story. Very well done.

In your bio, you say that “My favorite genre to read is romance with suspense and drama mixed in. It is what I write and what I look for when I pick out a book to read.” Bravo, you’re on the road to doing what you set out to do. I enjoy reading this and will come back and read more!

Best wishes,
Nicole
The Bosphorus Dreams

cannot wait for the next hapters to be added. Dakota is a man who seems to have lived life to the full.

Look forwaqrd to the next instalements.

Looking good

Dean

Hi,
I like romance so I came for a read.
This is so much more than girl meets boy. I read all four chapters and got immersed in the characters.
Drugs have so much to answer for, especially for those that live the high life.both Dakota and Madeline are strong characters that leap off the page and pull you into their world. I've always wanted to fly first class. Must be a buzz.
I really enjoyed this, if you post more let me know, I'd definitely read on.
Cheers Jacoba

This is my favorite out of all your writing. So glad you finally brought it here. I hope you post more than four chapters because anyone who reads it would be so shocked by the ending. :)

Laura:)
P.S.
Hope you don't mind me borrowing the name.

good book; l your style and original names- narrative and dialogue used to the full...
on my watchlist...[will back]
six stars.
read SEASONS...