Book Jacket

 

rank 828
word count 63320
date submitted 13.08.2011
date updated 20.09.2011
genres: Literary Fiction, Romance, Comedy, ...
classification: universal
complete

Fifth Season

Jonathan M Barrett

This gently comic yet moving novel intertwines stories about love and relationships in the fifth season, the time when things don’t quite fit.

 

Rob Hamilton, a disaffected insurance lawyer, and Toni Haast, a quietly ambitious claims clerk, are sent to Exmouth, a small town on New Zealand's West Coast, to investigate the suspicious death of Artemis Washburn. On family holidays in Exmouth, Rob's father had filled his young son's mind with ideas of the fifth season - the time when things don't quite fit, like rain when it's sunny. As they delve into the truth behind Artemis's death and their relationship develops, Rob and Toni glimpse life in the fifth season.

Against a background of modern corporate culture and a tragic death, this bitter-sweet comedy weaves stories of love and relationships, ambition and folly.

 
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tags

complete novel, detective, humour, love story, murder, new zealand, nostalgia, novel, seasons, sibling rivalry, travel, wellington, west coast

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Thursday

1

 

From the fringes of the cocktail party, Rob Hamilton watches as Owen Huntly, the Dependable Insurance Company's super salesman and master stud, tracks down an intern. The Discovery Channel has taught Rob not to interfere with Nature, but, when he sees how the giggly twenty year old in her first cocktail dress has been cornered by the wolf in Armani, thirty years her senior, thirty centimetres taller, and thirty sinewy kilos heavier, he steps in.

"Owen Huntly! Don't tell me the Parole Board let you out early." Rob's pulse races as he slaps the big man on the back, and grasps and shakes his hand. "Oh, Sarah, Bruce Buller from Claims needs to talk to you urgently." The intern slips away, a rabbit from a snare. Rob sees anger flare in Huntly's eyes and he closes his own as the big man draws back the shovel of a fist that could knock you half way across the hotel ballroom. After a second, Rob opens one eye. Huntly laughs and feigns a punch to Rob's jaw. Gold flashes among the vulpine teeth.

Rob ducks into the crowd. The gnawing premonitions of backslapping strangers and soggy crudités, forced bonhomie and dyspepsia that distracted him all afternoon are realised, but he doesn't care. Perhaps the many skulled flutes of champagne have helped. He joins and extricates himself from conversations that coil back on themselves like Möbius strips. He laughs at jokes without catching their punch lines, and indulges the low opinions of people already in their cups. He smiles and nods, exchanges an occasional handshake with a manager up from the provinces. Rob reckons if he keeps moving with apparent purpose he can avoid further engagement. But, when he hears the MC say, "Ladies and gentlemen… can I have your attention… ladies and gentlemen… please… I give you the new Chief Executive Officer of the Dependable Insurance Company… Andy Wu," he freezes like the slow child, petrified in the silence of musical chairs.

"Hey, wait a second." Rob downs a glass of champagne and clinks it back onto the silver tray. The waiter, too young to be so camp, tuts and looks heavenwards as he takes another.

The lights dim, and a snatch of We are the Champions booms through the PA system. There's a general murmuring and shuffling forward as Andy Wu strides across the stage to deliver his speech. His smiling image towers above the audience on a triptych of screens. Rob has met Andy almost daily in the two months since he took over as CEO, and yet he too is mesmerised as the handsome and youthful leader holds his hands wide, today more tele-evangelist than his usual methodical actuary. "Team members of the Dependable, I want you to join me on a journey." But Andy's hyped-up delivery soon lapses into the monotone Rob had expected, and a twenty-five minute commentary on information-rich PowerPoint slides follows.

Rob is bored before the third slide and retreats to the bar. In the glare of the stage lights his photochromatic lenses have become shades, so he pockets his glasses. Now blurry, the screens have a pleasantly psychedelic feel. Rob can make out a woman next to him, someone new enough to the Dependable not to know that drinks are never served during the CEO's presentation. He leans towards her, reckless in the near darkness. "Twenty points if he says 'going forward' again."

"And going forward–" Andy says within seconds.

Rob senses her glance. Perhaps there's the hint of a smile in the gloom. "That was nothing," he says. "Our Stepford CEO is making it too easy." He breathes in her perfume and adds, "All right, forty points for 'customer focus'." Rob realises he's swaying a little. He swigs champagne to steady himself as he tries to make out her face.

Andy says, "And, going forward our focus will sit squarely on the customer–"

"Come on, that's close enough."

The woman shushes him. He probably reads too much into it, but it was a very gentle shushing, amused but proper, altogether a sympathetic kind of shushing.

Andy wraps up, several times. After an awkward pause, a stomping ovation erupts. When it peters out, and the lights come up, Rob turns to the woman, "Can I get you a drink?" He slips on his glasses, and is taken aback. She's mannequin svelte. Her glossy black hair is cut in an audacious bob that reveals the nape of her neck and ironic ticks of eyebrows. She's immaculately and expensively dressed, but it's her sparkling eyes that belittle Rob most. Her smile is disabling as she takes his nametag between her thumb and finger. "That's OK… Rob Hamilton." And she leaves him.

The sales prizes are next. People aah in concert as pictures of tropical beaches flash onto the screens. Ululating maidens in grass skirts and coconut bras thump across the stage, and gyrate to the rhythm of tribal drums. Andy Wu stands paralysed amidst the show, and Rob feels a pang of embarrassment for him, momentarily. The sales conference will be held in Tahiti – hence the African drums – Rob wishes he could confide to someone.

Andy has handed out the sales prizes in an orgy of whoops and hugs, and Rob resumes his weaving through the melee, hoping for a proper chance to talk with that woman. He spots her with Sir Gerald Leet, the Dependable's chairman, and his brutish deputy. Perhaps, she's the trophy wife of a big shareholder. It doesn't matter; he'd never have the nerve to approach her again. Yet, she does look like someone who might understand the fifth season. Rob imagines himself, confident as he'd been in the dark at the bar, starting to explain it to her. He's tried so many times with others: "When I was a young boy, Dad told me you could have five seasons in one day – yes, five, not four – and me and my brother, Chris – he's a big hotshot merchant banker in Aussie these days – we used to play spotting the fifth season: raining when it's sunny, blossom in winter, that sort of thing. Of course, it's much more than that–" Strange as it may sound, her being a misplaced goddess and he a crapulent toad, but maybe she is the one who could really understand it all.

It was a mistake to stop in reverie. Bruce Buller, the Claims Manager, snags him. "Hey. Sarah the Finance intern just reminded me. I've got a claim declinature for you to sign off."

"Really?" Rob looks over Buller's shoulder, and scans the room. "Can't we discuss it tomorrow?"

"Two million dollars – that's how much we're in for." This must count as cocktail party small talk for Buller.

"Is that so?" Rob spots the woman standing alone, back at the bar. She's got a gilded air about her as though she's sashayed here from a Scott Fitzgerald short story.

"You won't have any problems signing it off from a legal viewpoint, will you?" Buller says. "In fact," he glances at Rob, and then back to his glass, "I was wondering whether you even need to see it."

Rob twigs what Buller's up to. "Well, I can't say that until I've seen the case. As legal advisor, I have to look at the legalities, don't I?" He gives Buller a disciplinary look.  "Remember what the Ombudsman said in the Russell complaint?"

Buller's expression turns gloomy. "Suicide. The policy is only six months old." He gulps from his tumbler of scotch, and Rob wonders whether Buller's regret lies with the suicide or the demise of such a young policy. Buller shakes his head and says, "Declinature, clear as day."

"Yeah, yeah, mate, but you know I need to see the file."

"Clear as day."

"As you say." Rob glances over Buller's shoulder and sees Owen Huntly lifting the woman's hand to his lips. Oh brilliant, now his life has been ruined again, he might as well spend the rest of the evening listening to Buller prattle. "So, tell me, who's the deceased?"

"The name of the deceased was Artemis Washburn. It's a suicide." Buller checks his watch, empties his glass, and walks away.

She, not it, you heartless bastard. Rob surveys the knots of people: they're starting to get rowdy. He's had a few drinks but feels sober as a presbyter next to these amateurs. At the bar, Owen Huntly is working his seductive magic. Rob slips out.

 

2

 

Toni Haast was not invited to the Dependable cocktail party this year. The omission is a mixed blessing. On the one hand, she won't have to put up with Johnny, her partner, discussing their private life with anyone prepared to listen, but, on the other hand, she won't be getting an award. Toni had won 'Employee of the Year (non supervisory category)' for two years running, and chose gym membership as her prize. But this year the competition was overlooked in the company restructure, and, no matter how she cuts and pastes the figures around her budget spreadsheet, she can't afford to pay the gym fees herself. But Toni is well practised in sweetening disappointment, and she tells herself early morning walking is just as much fun as gym.

Toni had, of course, pictured what she might wear to the cocktail party, but she hasn't got a fairy godmother, and it would all be over by now. Her twins, Byron and Kyron, are tucked up in bed, and Johnny is asleep in front of the television. She wrestles the remote from his hand and zaps the screen, gathers up toys and their parts, and drops them into the toy box. The house could do with a vacuum, but Toni sits at the kitchen table and takes a file from her shoulder bag – 0002847-1: death claim. It's against company policy to take files from the office, but she can't get her work done otherwise. She scans the claim summary: sum assured – two million dollars. God, a payout that big would be like winning Lotto. She sits back to work out how she'd spend two million dollars.

Toni re-reads the slanderous remarks Mr Buller, her boss, has scribbled on the file. How many times has she told him she's not sure it's best practice to put those sorts of comments on record? But he doesn't seem to care. There's a deep ring around the intermediary's name, and he's written: 'Very fishy – decline – suicide, clear as day'.

Toni examines the documents and makes careful notes:

Artemis Inglewood Washburn – born 1 May 1958, Santa Cruz, California.

Occupation – dream maker. Toni underlines this. What's 'dream maker' supposed to mean? How did that get through Underwriting?

Purpose of insurance – security for venture. What venture?

Significant medical procedures in last 10 years – tumour removed (non-malignant) 27 September 2008. Was it definitely was non malignant?

Died Exmouth – 9 August 2010.

Policy taken out – 12 April 2010.

Cause of death (provisional) – multiple injuries; coroner's report outstanding.

Policy owner – Artmor Investments Ltd.

Intermediary – Owen R Huntly.

How could Mr Buller have made those same facts into suicide? Toni sits back in the chair and rubs her eyes. Has he got more experience, or is it just better understanding? She decides that neither explanation is right: her boss is plain wrong, and that's unfair to Artemis Inglewood Washburn, whoever she might have been, and it's unfair to her too.

 

3

 

Even in the dark of the car, Samantha Wu knows her husband is still smiling at his performance, and this lets her relax. She unfastens her earrings and stows them in her handbag. She's already imagining herself in bed.

"It went well, didn't it?" Andy says. "Look, I'm not saying my speech was the Gettysburg Address but–"

"Yes, darling. I told you, it was awesome."

"So, honestly, what did you really think of it?"

"It was – um – very – technical," Samantha says.

"Technical?"

"And inspirational," she adds immediately. The streetlights flash across her face as Andy drives. Samantha closes her eyes and inclines her sleepy head away from him.

He wakes her from her doze. "Do 'technical' and 'inspirational' really go together?"

"When you do it, they do." Samantha yawns and squeezes Andy's forearm. She smiles as she remembers the man who'd tried to get her to play bullshit bingo during Andy's speech. Now he's someone who doesn't know the meaning of 'career limiting move'. "What does Rob Hamilton do?"

"Internal counsel – why?"

"He seemed quite amusing."

"A bit of a clown, actually. He asked me if he could change his title to consigliere like in The Godfather. I don't see him surviving long. So, you really thought my speech was both technically accurate – and inspirational?"

"Mmm." Should she tell Andy about Rob Hamilton calling him a Stepford CEO? No, he'd only feel hurt.

"Well, that's great."

Andy's enthusiasm for his new job is sweet. He's like a little boy fired up by the latest collectible cards, but Samantha thinks he's fooling himself. None of the people who gazed up at him as he talked about embedded value and the cost of equity, could guess what a darling he could be when they were alone together. She can't tell him what she thinks – Andy, they didn't care that it was you up there talking. They were clapping the style of the presentation, the numbers, your suit – anything but you, my you.

"Is something wrong?" Andy says.

"Oh, I don't know what it is, darling." She sees him glance across at her. He needs to know more. "All right, these cocktails parties. It's like you're running for president. And you have to do all that handshaking with these weird people, and laugh at their stupid jokes. It's all so fake – I just don't like it."

"No babies to kiss, though," he says.

"True, but lots of sales consultants wearing too much make up and not enough dress."

"Really? I didn't notice," Andy says and gives her a boyish grin.

"Naughty." Samantha taps her husband's knee. But when she thinks back on the events of the cocktail party, it's more than the sight of bosomy young women with their arms around her husband that bothers her. She'd spotted the chairman, Sir Gerald Leet, and his sidekick, Michael Dyer, plotting in a corner. The chairman looks as though he's been disinterred and Dyer's hands, knuckly and mapped with highway veins, were those of a strangler. Sooner or later they will do something nasty to Andy, Samantha is sure of that. She'd approached and hailed them brightly, and, as she'd anticipated, their conversation stopped. She steeled herself and kissed Sir Gerald. She was pleased to see the trace of her vermilion lipstick left on his cold, grey cheek.

And then there was the Salesperson of the Year. He swaggered over to her at the bar, cockily swinging a gilt trophy. He placed it in front of her; he obviously knew what impressed women in these parts.

"Salesman of the Year," he told her, presumably in case she couldn't read.

Samantha tapped the trophy with a polished nail. It was so tempting to scrape off a tiny bit of the gilt to reveal the plastic that was surely beneath. But she knew that sort of behaviour was below the wife of the CEO.

"Very nice, but it says Salesperson," she said.

He ignored her. "Owen R Huntly." He held out his hand.

"Samantha Wu." She held out hers.

"That's an unusual name." She guesses he meant, but you're not Chinese.

"Samantha?"

"No, the other."

"Ah, it's not that unusual in Singapore."

Rather than shake her hand, the Salesperson of the Year gently pulled it, for a dreadful moment, Samantha thought, towards his lips. She heard the note of panic in her voice as she added, "Yes, my husband is Andy Wu – your CEO."

The Salesperson of the Year did not kiss Samantha's hand but nor did he seem perturbed to learn who she was. He turned her wrist and bowed to take in her perfume. "Well lucky old Randy Andy to have a wife who wears Banlieu by Vichy."

Samantha realised she hadn't pulled her hand away. "That's clever." She didn't mean 'clever', she meant 'outrageous' or perhaps 'creepy', but she thought it was somehow clever all the same. She pulled back her hand.

The Salesperson of the Year could pass as a Greek god. Athletic, tanned and, with his greying gold curls, he was magnificent to look at – but coarse too – and she guessed pretty stupid: just how she imagined Greek gods must have been. But, like Western history, Samantha divides her life between before and after – in her case Andy. Before Andy: well, yes she might have had a fling with a Greek god. After Andy, though, she has her purpose in life.

"I've got to go," Samantha told the Salesperson of the Year. "The CEO's wife must circulate."

"Sammy." There's urgency in Andy's voice as he calls her back from her reverie. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing."

When they stop at traffic lights, Samantha sees Andy is no longer smiling. She touches his hand as he grips the gearstick. A car screeches to a halt next to them. It revs and lurches in a pool of violet light, and, faintly discernible through darkened glass, four pasty youths stare. Samantha can't tell whether the expressions in the shadows of their hoods are malevolent or admiring. Andy presses the central locking.

"I saw you talking to Owen Huntly," he says.

The lights turn green, and Samantha feels Andy's hand tense on the gear stick. "Leave it, darling." The hoons squeal off in triumph. Andy pulls away slowly from the mark, and the engine growls like a pit bull denied a kill.

"I said I saw you talking to Owen Huntly, our esteemed Salesperson of the Year."

"Oh that–" Andy always winces when she swears, "–vain twit."

"He's very good looking, though." Andy checks her face for reassurance.

"Maybe, if you like that sort of over the top, testosterone dripping, male

thing–" Samantha reins in her animation; she's supposed to be too sleepy to talk.

Andy doesn't seem to notice and says, "Apparently many women do. I hear he's a real ladies' man."

"Not this lady." Samantha leans over to kiss his cheek. "Andy, I'm really, really tired." She rests her forehead against the side window once more. She should tell Andy she loves him, but his constant need for reassurance sometimes drains her.

"Well, Huntly needs to watch himself," Andy says. "One step out of line, and I'm going to nail that MF," he adds in a badass cop voice.

Samantha doesn't respond. So Andy tries again. "If Huntly doesn't watch out, he might just find himself the prey." He glances again at her for approval, as if he's about to say, 'geddit?'

Samantha closes her eyes.

#

Back in their apartment, Samantha nestles among the cushions on the settee. It's her soft haven in this stark place she so regrets renting. Andy draws the blinds precisely and switches the television on. Samantha covers her eyes against the glare from the huge screen. "Please, turn that down," she says.

Andy mutes the sound. He seems more interested in images than noise anyway. Samantha covers her eyes with a pillow.

"Andy, if you could be anywhere, or do anything, what would it be?" she asks.

"Sorry?" But she knows he heard, and eventually he says, "I don't know."

The faint clicking as Andy flits through channels irritates her, especially as he's avoiding her question. Samantha wants to tell him he's too close to the screen but isn't sure what's wrong with that. "Aren't you going to ask me?" she says.

"I don't think I want to. You make me nervous when you're like this."

"Don't be."

"OK, what's your answer?" he says, and turns off the television.

"I don't know either." Samantha takes the pillow from her eyes and fixes him resolutely. "And I don't care, as long as I'm with you."

"Really?" Andy gazes at her; he looks delighted.

"Of course." She holds up her arms, and he comes to stroke her cheek. She moves into the caress like a cat. "Let's go to bed, now."

#

When the bedroom is this silent, Samantha knows Andy is awake, vexing himself.

"What is it, darling?" she asks. "Please tell me, I'm so tired. I really need to sleep."

"Nothing." The silence deepens before Andy says, "OK. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking a tight rope – the only thing is, I don't know how to do it – but I understand if I stop or look down or think about it, then I'll fall."

Now is the time to show resolve. Samantha sits up. "We should leave here as soon as we can. You should really find something else to do."

"Why do you say that?"

Samantha catches the hurt in his voice. "I don't like these people," she says. "They're all using you."

Andy laughs. "And I'm not using them?"

"I care about you. I don't care about all the others." Samantha switches on the bedside lamp. "Let's go. Andy, I'm serious. You resign tomorrow, and we could be anywhere in two months' time." She shudders at the torture it would be, before she adds, "we could go back to Singapore, be near your parents."

Andy blinks in the sudden light. "Oh, Sammy, imagine how walking away from this would look on my CV."

"It wouldn't matter."

"And it wouldn't matter to you if we lost everything?"

"No," Samantha says, "and besides, I could go back to work, if you don't find something straight away."

"What, go back to having your bum pinched in business class? I'm afraid that's a bit hard to believe." His patronising sigh stings her.

Samantha eyes Andy as he straightens the duvet. "If you really think that, you don't know me." And she snaps off the light, snatches a pillow into an embrace, rolls over, and is asleep before Andy can extricate himself from this first wrong turn.

 

4

 

In the aisles of Liquor Shed, no one competes with Rob Hamilton for a bottle of pinot noir. He slaps a gold credit card on the counter where the notes and coins of student loans are meted out for six-packs of Tui and Raskalnikov vodka mixers.

At home, Rob carves the foil from the neck of the bottle, lines up the point of the corkscrew, and twists to release the genie that will grant his wish of blissful intoxication. But, when he pulls at the cork, the corkscrew snaps. "Jesus Christ." He traces his finger across the fractured metal. "What crap!" After a struggle, he manages to push the cork in with a knife, and pours himself a glass of frothing wine.

The cat pads from his daylong slumber, and arrives, tail high, in the kitchen. He insinuates himself around and between his master's legs, mewling coarsely. Rob stoops to stroke the sagging belly. The cat's name is Oggi. It's not a name Rob would have chosen. He would have called him something ironic like 'Rover' or 'Spot'. But five years ago, his friend Melissa, lawyer to the oppressed, had asked Rob to look after the cat for a while. Like the refugees Melissa represents, Oggi came with his alien name and a long, unhappy story implied. Rob picks up Oggi, careless of the white hairs that always cling to his black jacket. The cat's eyes close, and his body vibrates with depthless joy.

Rob knows he won't speak to another human being for more than half a day. That's just 0.01% of his allotted three score and ten but it adds up when repeated so many times. "Fancy some fish, my furry former-fucker?" he asks the cat. Oggi knows the routine well. He can't contain his emasculated pleasure as Rob circumcises the tin. Oggi lets out a belly deep yowl in anticipation, and claws at Rob's heels. Then the powerful ex-tom hunches, obscenely noisy, over a bowl of stinking fish meal.

Rob downs his wine, pours another glass, and, turns on the radio. He's pleased to hear a familiar voice compere nostalgic music. He flits through the identikit photos and irate residents of the local advertiser. Before dropping it in the wastebasket, he removes the home improvement supplement with its before-and-after roofs and driveways, and, best of all, the curiously pornographic pictures of demure models stepping from showers: this is reserved for the bottom of the litter tray.

The post holds no surprises, but his voice mail tells Rob that his big brother, Chris, will be in Wellington for the weekend, and they simply must touch base.

Rob fills another glass. "'Touch base', eh? Chris, Chris, when will you ever learn? We are not fucking bonobos."

 

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Andrew Esposito wrote 282 days ago

Fifth Season is a well constructed plot that commences on the verges of the Insurance industry. The reader is immediately immersed at a Corporate Conference where the principle characters emerge. Rob, an insurance salesman, is caught up in the humdrum of Corporate presentation over-drive.

The play on 'thirty' in the first couple of paragraphs is skillful. There are good snippets of description that capture the character in a few strokes - Owen Huntly - 'wolf in Armani' one of the best examples. Other nice touces are 'breathes in her prefume' and 'smile is disabling'. Andy Wu, the CEO, is an enigmatic charatcer and his wife Samantha is intriguing and somewhat mysterious.

The plot starts to gather momentum with an insurance claim investigation that involves Rob and Toni, an insurance clerk. The claim hinges on a jubious suicide and sets Rob and Toni on a course together that promises to complicate their lives.

Jonathon, I found the use of 'second person', present tense interesting as it is very difficult to craft correctly. I couldn't fault it, although it is the least popular of the narrative tenses. A lot of readers like to be spoon-fed with 'past' or 'present' tense, 'first' or 'third' person - I commend you for tackling an unusual construction.

Fifth Season is a well written novel with mature characterisation. I have rated it high stars and plan to get it shelved! Best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killing Paradise

revteapot wrote 305 days ago

I love the idea of a fifth season!
You write very well. I didn't read all of this but a sizeable, if slightly random chunk. I can't fault the writing - which is not very helpful to you - but I have made a few notes.

Well done with this.

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

Notes:
Nice opening.
"freezes like the slow child, petrified in the silence of musical chairs." beautiful
"The lights dim, ... PowerPoint slides follows." - *by comparison* with what has preceded, this paragraph could do with being tighter.
You build the mystery of Artimis' death well.
"be to get home, back to Johnny." - getting?
The bit where Rob holds Toni's hand is lovely.

Tod Schneider wrote 328 days ago

Where has this one been hiding? Very clean, masterful writing! You've got a great flair for writing, clearly, and you manage to balance subtle humor with literary style. Great all around! High marks!
And if you have any interest in children's lit, you are invited to read my novel the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

riantorr wrote 422 days ago

Comedy is a blessing,

Regards,
Rian Torr
New London Masquerade

Bill Carrigan wrote 464 days ago

Greetings, Barina-- I've just read Chapter 1 of "Fifth Season" with pleasure and admiration. I like the way it cruises through several fine characterizations to arrive back at Rob, leaving several threads that could mesh into an exciting plot. I suggest, though, that a few lines be added to nudge the reader into Chapter 2--a "cliffhanger," if you will.

Your support of "Burnt Umber" and "Fifth Season's" own style indicate a preference for literary fiction. Which leads me to the main purpose of this note: to introduce my quite-different literary novel "The Doctor of Summitville." Essentially a realistic love story, it could be called literary in that medicine as practiced long ago (c. 1930) is intrinsic to the theme. The book, complete here, concerns a young country doctor's fateful efforts to free an orphan girl from bondage to her abusive uncle. Over 400 authors have been highly complimentary. I hope you'll read it, like it, and give it a turn on your shelf while I continue the very compelling "Fifth Season." --Best wishes, Bill

Sue50 wrote 469 days ago

Wonderful Job! Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Sue50

ccb1 wrote 470 days ago

Backed the Fifth Season. Great idea for the title. Well written. Only suggestion: the first five paragrpahs of chapter 2 all start with the name Toni. Might want to vary your sentences. Hope you will take a look at our book, Dark side.
CC Brown

Wussyboy wrote 525 days ago

Literary fiction is not my genre, but I really enjoyed (The) Fifth Season. It's beautifully written - a virtual tapestry of finely-woven words and phrases which, quite honestly, made me feel inadequate to comment. What IS such a polished piece of work doing on this site anyway - am I missing something? I read 4 chapters, and then went over to see what other people have said. Yes, I agree, the characters are introduced a little too hurriedly (give them more time to breathe?) and yes, this would most definitely (with a capital D!) work better in the third person, but by chap 3, where the (excellent) dialogue between Andy and Sam kicks in, I was genuinely hooked. And Oggi the cat is delicious - a real scene-stealer. My favourite line? "Fancy some fish, my furry former-fucker?' I just tried that on my white cat Frou-Frou, and she ran away.

Pleeeeeese go for the third person - this is such a great book.

6 stars for now, will be giving you some shelf time after your next edit (*pls remind me!)

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires

Marija F.Sullivan wrote 537 days ago

Chapter 1 is really enjoyable, beautifully written and entertaining.
Backed and highly starred with pleasure, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Stark Silvercoin wrote 540 days ago

What a delightful concept Fifth Season puts forward: a time when things don’t quite fit.

Author Jonathan M Barrett weaves an amusing tale that very subtly pokes fun at everything from the way businesses run to how people sometimes accidentally build relationships that would seem out of place otherwise. This is not a drop off your chair laughing type of stroy, but more of a chuckle a minute type where you have to think for a moment before getting the joke. In that way, I found the writing quite refreshing, like a fruity rose wine instead of a hard red or white.

The details are well fleshed out. Readers will get a real sense of place of small town New Zealand where most of the story takes place. There are a lot of sensory descriptions as well to keep things interesting, and good dialog between characters.

I think Fifth Season will appeal to people who are serious readers and don’t want to stray too far from hardcore literary fiction, but who are looking for a bit of a change of pace. Fifth Season is lighter fare without getting anywhere close to campy. It should prove especially popular with the book club circuits when published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

tribalastronaut wrote 560 days ago

love this book, thankyou!

tribalastronaut wrote 560 days ago

love this book, thankyou!

Ian Walkley wrote 580 days ago

Hi Jonathan,
There are lots of things I like about your writing and this book. I like the present tense, which I've used in my second book. It's harder to write, but is good for keeping up pace.
There are few criticisms to be found because the book is so well edited.
I was a little confused at Andy and Samantha taking up a more prominent part than expected in the pitch.
I also felt maybe Rob and Toni could get to Exmouth a little quicker, and spend more time discovering the Fifth Season (which is an intriguing concept on several levels).
I thought your dialogue and ability to make corporate life descriptions interesting are real skills and something I try to avoid.
There might be more scope to add humour by more over the top behaviour by some characters, maybe?
Short pitch: Describes the book, not sure if there is enough of a hook?
Long pitch: Like it.
Wonderful description, lots of metaphors/similes and great adjectives. Maybe sometimes I felt that there are too many adjectives in a sentence, but this is literary fiction so… go right ahead!
Had to look up “bonobo” which apparently is a rare chimpanzee. Not sure what the reference is to “touching base”.
Great writing. Best wishes for the story.
Ian

orma wrote 587 days ago

Reading as requested.
Your writing is very smoothe, flows well, without any grammatical errors. Which is unusual to find here!
There are a lot of characters, but they are all descriptively different. Very well done.
As for the comedy aspect, I didn't always get the joke, so to speak. But then, I'm really not a comedy reader.
Prefer angst and agony, don't know what that says about me!
But, over all, this is a well crafted story.
I can't really find anything to criticise.
All the best, Orma.

Katy Johnson wrote 590 days ago

Jonathan-

The premise for this book is perfect. It's a simple and elegant idea but definetly had me thinking. What a perfect back drop for the story of all these flawed characters!

As mentioned in other comments, this story is extremely well-polished and has little error as far as grammar and style. So I will just touch on a few overall concepts and how the book made me feel.

At the start, you introduced a lot of information to us very quickly. And while this all fit together and read seamlessly, it was still overwhelming and left me a little confused as to who exactly the characters were until later chapters. You would mention Tina or Owen and I would think, "Ok, who is this person again?" Because your novel is relatviely short at 63K, I think you could add some longer characterization to the begining and give us more of an idea of who people are before we jump right into the lightning-speed of their individual plots. I love the fast pace, but we need a foundation to start with. Later on, swithcing between characters can occur more quickly because we have a grasp on them, but in the begining it is jarring and almost turned me away.

The other issue I have is that there is a slight desire in me for more catharsis. I know it is stylistically trendy and relevant right now to leave some open ends but for this story with so much detail, I think we need a little more meat. Maybe an epilogue would work nice here? I know there are some subtle hints to where the lawsuit may go, but as to what actually happened to Artemis - I'm not 100% sold either way. I realize this may be the piont, but I'm extremely invested in her, and I want to know who to blame and why. And I want to know exactly! :)

The last thing is a tiny nitpick - but what happened in the wine cellar? I swear I thought there was something in the drinks? If not, I'm not really sold on that scene and I don't get it. It may be that I just didn't understand or am not catching something that others are or will.

Also, I think it would work better as The Fifth Season. Just a nitpick.

I mention those few things, because everything else about this novel is perfect. I was impressed by the authentic feel of the intricacies of modern business. The plot is contemporary and gripping, the characters are extremely well-developed and I sympathized and/or empathized with every one of them while reading. I read the entire eight chapters and enjoyed every single one. I would buy this book. It was a fun read.

-Katy
The Promenade

AudreyB wrote 593 days ago

So I'm checking out the books just ahead of mine on the ED rankings. How will my book fare against others near the same level? But I'm stumped. I have no idea what YOUR book is doing down here, lurking in the back alley with my rather pedestrian offering. The cat pads, arrives, and insinuates. You have a way with the sentence, with characterization, with pretty much every aspect of writing. Your writing is mannequin svelte, with an audacious bob.

Sheesh.
~AudreyB

Dadoo wrote 596 days ago

This is of a quality that I have rarely seen on Authonomy. Whereas many of our books are works in progress, I find this one to be highly polished and complete in most respects.

This is not my normal choice of subject matter, but the subtle characterization and style made it difficult for me to stop reading. Dangerous stuff, because I started reading this during my lunch break at work, and the next thing I knew...well...let's just say, I'm glad my boss didn't walk by.

I enjoy your style of writing. It's easy to get ham fisted when we wan't our readers to identify with, or dislike characters. You resist the urge of being gross, shmaltzy, or one dimensional, by allowing your characters to grow organically, revealing their insecurities and flaws through their actions and thoughts as the story progresses.

There is a gentle self depreciating humor through all of this, something unexpected in a novel that deals with such strong subject matter.

But what I really enjoyed was the dialogue.

The one thing that grated on me at first, was the perspective you used to write the story. I think it could be described as third person omniscient present tense. It's very difficult to pull off without sounding pretentious.
By the end of the first chapter, it was no linger an issue for me, I was enjoying the story.

If others have an unreasonable prejudice against that particular point of view (A subject that has been discussed to DEATH on the forums here :-), Then I hope they get over it and continue reading. I'm very glad I did.

Thank you for sharing this with us here on Authonomy. I tend to put books on my shelf and only remove them when they make the desk, or I find something I think is better.

Yours is there for the long haul.

Bob

barina wrote 605 days ago

Hi Catherine
We are very grateful for your considered and insightful feedback on Jonathan's Fifth Season. We replied a couple of days ago but I can't see it here so will respond again.

I was very impressed by your review of Voilet Wells' Burnt Ochre and then started to read, enjoy and recommend Cadmium Yellow, so really appreciate your comprehensive comments.

Thank you for your feedback about the pitch - we have changed it a couple of times following comment from authonomy members.

We've had mixed reaction to using the present tense. Some, like you, have found it difficult to read, others like the immediacy and pace it brings. We are debating rewriting it.

Thank you for your comment about the numbering of episodes - we will think hard about the value it adds.

Cadmium Yellow is my favourite book at the moment. I think I actually know Emma and Victoria and will look them up to give some advice. I will feedback separately from this reply.

Barina Barrett

barina wrote 605 days ago

Hi Tom
Nice review! Thank you very much for taking the time to read and feedback on Jonathan's Fifth Season - certainly much appreciated. We have added From Hugs to Kisses to our watch list and very much look forward to reading it.
Barina Barrett

barina wrote 605 days ago

Hi Rena
Thanks for this great review. Thank you for those kind words - we are so pleased you enjoyed Jonathan's Fifth Season so much! We have added Master of the Miracles to our watchlist and look forward to reading it
Barina Barrett

bunderful wrote 606 days ago

I didn't read this book for typos or anything like that because that isn't my specialty - I read it like I would read a novel - sat down and tried to see if the story would keep my attention and take me away.

And it did. And how.

I could picture all of the people - the scenes. I like the idea of the novel and the structure is neat.

Nothing jarred me or stopped me as I read. I found the characters interesting and the dialogue realistic and there were many witty lines and even very well written descriptions that gave me pause to savor the language used.

Very well done. I think I would enjoy picking this one up and bringing it home with me.

- Rena (Bunderful) author of Master of the Miracles

Tom Bye wrote 606 days ago

hello Jonathan--
Book--
-Fifth Season-

After reading the first five chapters, i can see that this book is full of delightful tongue in cheek humour;
Every line so gritty, and snappy; it certainly is a read for the young adult to relate to'; in particular, those working in the Insurance business.
Dialogue flies along at ten to the minute, with so many characters appearing on the scene that one has to keep focused. All in all and enjoyable romp moving as it moves along a brisk pace

tom bye
from hugs to kisses'
although mine is a different genre, perhaps you would take a glance and rate as you see fit, thanks

Catherine Edmunds wrote 607 days ago

Intriguing title, and an attractive cover.

Short pitch: this works. Makes me want to read on.

Long pitch: excellent. One of the best I've read.

Thursday

1. I'm disappointed to see this is written in present tense. Easier to write, yes, but much harder to read. Having said that, the opening is still gripping. Complex, and requires slow reading to catch every nuance, but I'm enjoying myself. The works party is great fun and full of very witty observations.

2. Short and to the point. Gives the reader all some nicely organised points regarding Artemis, along with good background on Toni.

3. Nice little twist regarding Samantha's identity and Rob's ignorance of who he was talking to. Interesting exploration of Andy and Samantha's relationship. Maybe a bit too much at this point? I'm more interested in Rob than Andy. On the other hand, it makes for a good change of pace.

4. Great descriptive writing.

Friday

5. More twists. Owen is clearly not going to be the stereotype he appeared to be at first. Or if he is a stereotype, he's one with a role to play other than the obvious.

6. A very short episode. I'm not entirely convinced by this numbering of episodes. Is it necessary? I'm also still unconvinced by the tense, as if you're going to write in present tense you need to be absolutely consistent, and you're not. For example, the end of this section goes into past, presumably because Andy's thinking about the people who have just gone past him ('One was Sir Gerald...), but it would be easier on the reader to keep it in present ('One is Sir Gerald...) or, ideally, put everything into the past.

7. Good section. Moves the plot along effectively.

That'll do for now. I expect I'll return to this, as I'm interested in the characters and the plot and am keen to know how it'll all work out. The writing is immaculate apart from the tense business. You're such a good writer, I'm at a loss to know why you did that. But never mind. It's a great book. Going on my watch list so that I don't forget to come back and read some more.


barina wrote 611 days ago

Wow, what a great review - thank you very much. We will take another look at the car scene. Really appreaciate your taking the time to read and give such useful and comprensive feedback
Barina

Lots to catch the attention in the pitches to this. The concept of a ‘fifth season’ is new to me. ‘Gently comic but moving’, ‘bitter sweet romance’, ‘love stories of ambition and folly’. This sounds like the sort of tale I’d like.
Present tense immediately catches the attention and raises queries in my mind - difficult to sustain but you do it pretty well excepting Samantha’s thoughts on who she met at the corporate do when she is in the car with Andy. Moving into these and then back to the present, still in the car felt awkward to me.
I loved ‘conversations that coil back on themselves like mobius strips’ and that
‘going forward’ quip.
The case of Artemis Washburn and the ‘fifth season’ are dropped seamlessly into the fabulous opening corporate get together where Rob’s character is firmly established and already I have warmed to him
Less of an introduction, but still a telling one to Toni Haast and the link of the insurance claim of Artemis is to the forefront. That link will clearly lead her shortly to Rob.
In ch3 I was pleased to have it confirmed that the beauty at the bar was the CEO’s wife. The Andy/ Samantha relationship is not mentioned in the pitch so worried that this is of little relevance to the main plotline. Glad to get back to Rob with whom we started.I will be rooting for him as this moves on. One of the best reads I’ve come across on this site recently.

briantodd wrote 611 days ago

Lots to catch the attention in the pitches to this. The concept of a ‘fifth season’ is new to me. ‘Gently comic but moving’, ‘bitter sweet romance’, ‘love stories of ambition and folly’. This sounds like the sort of tale I’d like.
Present tense immediately catches the attention and raises queries in my mind - difficult to sustain but you do it pretty well excepting Samantha’s thoughts on who she met at the corporate do when she is in the car with Andy. Moving into these and then back to the present, still in the car felt awkward to me.
I loved ‘conversations that coil back on themselves like mobius strips’ and that
‘going forward’ quip.
The case of Artemis Washburn and the ‘fifth season’ are dropped seamlessly into the fabulous opening corporate get together where Rob’s character is firmly established and already I have warmed to him
Less of an introduction, but still a telling one to Toni Haast and the link of the insurance claim of Artemis is to the forefront. That link will clearly lead her shortly to Rob.
In ch3 I was pleased to have it confirmed that the beauty at the bar was the CEO’s wife. The Andy/ Samantha relationship is not mentioned in the pitch so worried that this is of little relevance to the main plotline. Glad to get back to Rob with whom we started.I will be rooting for him as this moves on. One of the best reads I’ve come across on this site recently.

ShadowOfOsiris wrote 617 days ago

Hi Jonathan

I haven't got a clue how this book got on my watchlist, but there it was, so I read :) I found very little wrong with it, although I dislike present tense usually. I'd also suggest putting each chapter in a separate Authonomy chapter - its quite long this way, and people are more likely to find themselves turning to the next chapter if they are shorter.
As for notes, I only made 2:

'super-salesman'
and
'shovel of a fist' doesn't make sense. Shovel of a hand, yes, but for fist, I think you need something else - something first-shaped (boulder, even?)

That's it. Nothing else stood out to me. It's well written with good pacing. Good luck with it :)

I'd appreciate it if have time to have a read of mine too, but I can't expect more than a brief comment, since I can't think of much to say about yours :s

barina wrote 627 days ago

Thanks very much Cass - so glad you enjoyed it - that's what it's all about. Jonathan's novel, Fifth Season, has eight sections over eight days. And each of those days have several chapters. I think Ross based his review on the first two days. We've changed the pitch a bit, based on your comments - see what you think. And yikes, please send the typos through! I want this to be perfect!
Sunflower is on our list to read - looking forward to engaing with your work
Thanks again for your valuable comments.
Barina Barrett

Hmm. I read this, all 8 chapters posted. I'm puzzled, because I notice Ross has reviewed you based on 12 chapters, so I'm wondering if you took some away.

Regardless, this was two fine evenings of entertainment. At the end, I feel bad for almost everyone in the book - the good guys and bad guys alike. It's been classed as a comedy, and you mention comedy in the pitch, so perhaps there's something wrong with me. I feel like I should have laughed more, but I was just worrying about them all so much.

The whole three typos I found don't merit mentioning. I'll try to back you for a bit when I get a free slot to work with.

kiwigirl2011 wrote 630 days ago

Just read a few chapters of Fifth Season and Jonathan, you're a genius. This is so well written. Witty, sarcastic, brillantly observed. Couple of things:
Byron and Kyron....really? Who would be so cruel!
There's a line (Was it definitely was non-malignant?) the word 'was' used twice
Tui – made me smile, a kiwi book for sure :-)
Bonobos - I have no idea what that means?
This is going on my shelf. I'm so glad Ross recommended this. Have you tried submitting this to publishers in NZ? I will read the rest when I have time (hopefully soon) because I'm really enjoying it.
Tammy

Helianthus wrote 634 days ago

Hmm. I read this, all 8 chapters posted. I'm puzzled, because I notice Ross has reviewed you based on 12 chapters, so I'm wondering if you took some away.

Regardless, this was two fine evenings of entertainment. At the end, I feel bad for almost everyone in the book - the good guys and bad guys alike. It's been classed as a comedy, and you mention comedy in the pitch, so perhaps there's something wrong with me. I feel like I should have laughed more, but I was just worrying about them all so much.

The whole three typos I found don't merit mentioning. I'll try to back you for a bit when I get a free slot to work with.

Jim Darcy wrote 642 days ago

Will follow of the progress of this with interest. The other half used to live in Christchurch, now in the UK.

RossClark1981 wrote 642 days ago

- Fifth Season -

(Based on chapters 1-12)

This is very, very good. I don't think I'm going to have anything in the way of constructive criticism to offer - and I almost always do. The characters are superbly shaped and, even when they are way over the top like Owen, completely believable. The dialogue is fantastic, I especially liked the bullshit bingo set piece at the start. And the story develops extremely well. The mini, micro in some cases, chapters and the present tense narrative keep things firing along at pace and the switching of points of view between characters in each chapter gives the story depth. There is some wicked, clever humour and wonderful satire on a superficial business world. I really, really enjoyed this. Is that coming across?

Is it publishable? I hope so. This is the very first new manuscript on the site that feels absolutely ready from the off. I wonder if publishers would rather it not be in the present tense, to make it more comfortale to a wider audience, but I have zero expertise in this area so it's just a general musing rather than something I'm sure of.

A truly excellent read. Bloody brilliant!

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