Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 107429
date submitted 14.08.2011
date updated 30.04.2013
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Children...
classification: universal
complete

The Library of Living

Jessica Jade Burton

When teenager Ben Bailey dies, he finds himself in an old library, in which the books detail his choices for reincarnation.

 

The Library of Living is about fourteen-year-old Ben Bailey, who is tragically killed by a taxi.
He wakes up in an old library that is full of books which detail the people and animals he can return to Earth as.
However, all he cares about is whether or not he will be able to see Anna Lawson again, his childhood companion and sweetheart.
The story takes the reader through the lives of Ben and Anna, how they met and became best friends.
Whilst Ben is getting to grips with the contents of the library and three spirits he meets there, Anna has to come to terms with her life now and a future without Ben.



 
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tags

afterlife, bereavement, death, family, friendship, life, love, relationships

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12

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Yellow Roses and Blue Forget-me-nots

 

PART TWELVE - YELLOW ROSES AND BLUE FORGET ME NOTS

 

] HOW ANNA MISSED BEN ] 

A week had passed since Ben’s death, and Anna was as delicate as a snowflake. She hadn’t been to school because she didn’t feel strong enough and even going to the local shop seemed like an effort. A flower print dressing gown draped over her shoulders and knotted around her waist, covering blue pyjamas.  She looked a mess: her hair was a halo of frizz and her skin the colour of milk, with dark circles surrounding her eyes. She had hardly slept or eaten and had spoken to no one about how she felt.

Ever since Anna could remember, Ben had been in her life. He had made her strong and confident. But now that he was gone, it seemed like the positive, happy Anna had gone too and left behind someone weak and scared, like a child with the invisible wall of protection built around her. Anna’s mind was a complex jigsaw puzzle, and she couldn’t get her head around why Ben had to die.

Since she hadn’t been talking to anyone, Anna had written some of her feelings down on a sheet of lined paper and after further thought, flipped it over and turned parts of it into a poem. Once happy with her choice of words, Anna tore the page from her notepad, folded it into a paper crane and placed it on her window sill. As she did so, she noticed the stars in the sky, twinkling like glitter, and wondered if Ben was somewhere among them. She knew that if he was, he would want her to be happy; but it was so hard when she felt so alone.

It was the first night Anna had slept soundly since the accident and she had a dream about Ben. She dreamt they were together at their camp in the woods and the whole place was filled with white doves. She and Ben scattered breadcrumbs for them, and they gathered around the tepee. Some of them were tame enough to climb right into Ben’s hand, and he would hold them out for Anna to stroke their feathers. She heard Ben’s laugh and felt his smooth hands and dry knuckles. She even smelt his scent of liquorice sweets and lime shower gel mixed with washing powder. In fact, the dream was so vivid that Anna woke up smiling, and it took her a few seconds to remember that he was gone.

Once out of bed, she carefully removed Ben’s drawing from the wall, and took it downstairs. Her parents and Samuel were sat in the lounge having breakfast and the room smelt of coffee and marmite. They smiled when they saw Anna, happy that she had come downstairs. Anna sat on the arm of the sofa and held the drawing for her parents to see.

“It’s lovely isn’t it,” her mum smiled, “and it’s great that you’ve kept hold of it all these years.”

Anna ran her finger along the papers edges; they were crinkled and fraying.

“Please can I have a frame for it?” she murmured, “I want to keep it forever.”

Angela remembered that she had a special frame in the attic, and promised Anna that she would fetch it after breakfast. She encouraged Anna to eat something and handed her a plate and a mug of coffee.  Anna had noticeably lost weight over the last few days and managed to eat half a piece of toast with butter and jam; but it didn’t taste right. The toast was dry, the butter had a funny aftertaste, and the jam was sickly. Anna wasn’t normally a fussy eater, but her appetite seemed to have deserted her, and she knew that she’d have to force herself to eat in order to get it back.

Angela went upstairs to sort out the washing and find the picture frame while Anna tried to chew her food. She brushed her teeth to get rid of the taste, but the mint made her eyes tingle and Anna wondered why even the simplest parts of her life had become so challenging now that Ben had gone. She threw her pyjamas into the wash basket and lay in a bubble bath for an hour topping the water up every so often to keep it from going cold. The tangles untwisted from her hair with conditioner, and once dressed in white jeans and a lacy blue top, Anna almost looked like her normal self again.

She wandered back up to her bedroom only to find her mum perched at the end of her bed holding onto the unfolded paper crane, and reading her poem.

“What are you doing?” Anna snapped, snatching the piece of paper.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but this is beautiful. I think that you should take it to Sandra, I’m sure she would love to see it.” Her mum replied. “You aren’t the only person who misses Ben, you know.”

Anna knew that her mum was right. Part of her wanted to see Ben’s mum and reminisce with her, but she was also scared. She knew that going into the house without Ben being there would feel strange. She also worried that his mum wouldn’t want to see her and would think that it was her fault that Ben died.

“Anyway, I know I shouldn’t go through your things and I’m sorry, but I am worried about you. You don’t open up to anyone, and you spend so much time alone. It’s a shame that you don’t have any other friends,” Anna’s mum said. She paused; looking at Anna’s pained face as she held the poem to her heart.

“What about that new girl? The one whose house you went to, maybe you could go and see her.” Angela suggested.

“I don’t want to see Naomi,” Anna mumbled.

“Okay, but you need to speak to someone Anna.” Her mum said. “Here’s that frame I was talking about. It’s an antique. Your great grandma used to have a picture of her husband in it during the war: he was a soldier, and she kept his photograph above the fireplace. That photo was transferred to an album years later and the frame was handed down to me; but I’ve never found a picture special enough for it."

Anna admired the bronze frame, intricately engraved with cherubs and clouds with birds trailing from them on sprigs of ivy.

“Thank you mum, it’s perfect,” Anna murmured.

She held the drawing against its glass - it was almost a perfect fit. She sat cross legged on her bedroom floor and trimmed off the frayed paper edges, leaving the loose cuttings to fall like snow around her. She peeled off the old blue tack and secured the drawing behind a sheet of glass. The frame suddenly made the picture look more special, like something that you might find in a museum: something that was a valuable part of history.

Once the picture was hung back into place, Anna changed her duvet covers. Dust and cat hair danced around in the sunlight that shone from the window as she fluffed her pillows and thought about what her mum had said. Anna thought about Ben’s mum at her house with Pete and baby Sophie and wondered how they were coping.

Ben had always told Anna that she could come and see Sophie whenever she wanted and Anna wondered whether the invitation was still there. She wondered how Sandra would greet her; she could be quite fierce when she wanted to be. Anna had seen her lose her temper before when a group of townies had knocked on the door, asking for money to buy alcopops. She hoped that they could be friends but imagined that it might be difficult for her to be around teenagers that were Ben’s age, especially a girl who should have been there to save his life.

Swallowing her breath, Anna reasoned with herself. She couldn’t live each day hiding away from the world, and she would have to see Sandra sooner or later.

On her dressing table, there stood a china elephant money bank. It was made in India and dressed in carnival attire and accessorized with brightly coloured gemstones that formed a line along the centre of its trunk.

Anna picked it up and shook it. It felt quite heavy so she pulled the plug from its belly and tipped the coins out onto her duvet cover, so that she could count them. There was a five pound note, plenty of silver that shimmered like sardines and a mound of bright copper coins too. Anna counted fourteen pounds and thirty-nine pence: which was plenty of money to buy a beautiful bouquet of flowers from the florist in town. She decided on yellow roses - to symbolise the bright happy days that she and Ben had spent together, accompanied by forget-me-nots which were self explanatory.

Anna had a free bus pass that she was meant to use to travel to and from school, but since she wasn’t going in, she used it to get a free ride into town. She had to stand because it was German market day and the bus was filled with white haired pensioners heading out to buy groceries. The driver looked bored and didn’t smile but grunted at Anna when she thanked him before leaving.

When she stepped into the florist, Anna felt as if it was somewhere she shouldn’t be. She got the same feeling if she went into a fancy boutique clothes shop or a posh hotel foyer. It felt so far away from the tiny council homes that she came from, in a street where charities would knock on the doors at Christmas and donate turkeys.

Two well-spoken women greeted Anna as she breathed in the fragrant buddleia and rose buds. Her sandal soles echoed against the marble flooring as she walked over to the desk, head turning to look at the beautiful displays of flowers and balloons arranged in a semicircle, their colours ascending in the same order as a rainbow. She felt shy standing opposite the two women, who looked very wealthy in their well-fitting cream dresses and pearl earrings.

“Please can I have a bunch of yellow roses and forget-me-nots?” She asked hopefully, holding her purse out.

The younger of the two women understood Anna straight away and got up from her seat. She led Anna towards the yellow section of the shops rainbow display; and showed off the various species of roses from which Anna could choose. Anna pointed, almost frightened to touch as the woman created a stunning arrangement of the blue and yellow flowers, tying their stems together with matching coloured ribbon which she curled using scissors.

Happy with the result, Anna made her way to Ben’s house, and for a short few moments, she felt as though nothing was wrong and that she was about to go and see Ben as normal.

 

] BEN’S MUM ]

Like Anna, Sandra looked tired and pale skinned as she answered the door with baby Sophie in one arm and a bottle teat in the other. The large bouquet did a good job of hiding Anna, but there was no mistaking the outline of her figure as she stood in front of the door; shoulders tilted to the side and her size four feet with polished blue nails.

Sandra’s eyebrows rose, and the corners of her mouth turned to a smile that dimpled her cheeks as she mouthed Anna’s name before saying it aloud.

She invited Anna in and admired the flowers saying how Ben would have chosen the same two colours. She told Anna where to find a vase, and said to add sugar to the water because it would make the flowers last longer. As Anna arranged the flowers, Sandra took a bottle from the sterilizer and filled it with powdered milk ready to feed Sophie.

She spoke about the funeral, trying to force her crackling voice to sound upbeat as she explained to Anna that she wanted it to be more of a celebration of Ben’s life than an event to be sad about and that she hoped that everyone would attend wearing something bright.

Anna pulled a chair out and sat down with her arms out ready to hold little Sophie. Sandra passed her over, and Anna cuddled her tiny warm body close. Sophie’s hand was wet from being in her mouth, and she tugged on a lock of Anna’s hair and smiled as Sandra filled the kettle with water and set it to boil.

“She has such a beautiful smile,” Anna said quietly, “I’m glad that Ben got to see it.”

“Me too,” Sandra agreed, smiling. “Ben’s smile was similar don’t you think?”

Anna nodded as she bounced Sophie on her knee.

“I miss him so much.” She said. “Walking here felt like I was coming to see him. It felt so normal; and then I remembered.”

Sandra placed a hand on Anna’s shoulder as she sighed.

“I keep going into his bedroom to wake him up, and then remembering,” she smiled faintly. “I’ll sort out his things soon, but at the moment, his room is as he left it because so far I just haven’t been able to bring myself to touch anything.

Sandra’s voice cracked as she spoke and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Anna began to feel a guilty pain in her stomach. She couldn’t understand why Sandra seemed pleased to see her when her own son was gone, surely she was a reminder of Ben, being his best friend and the same age as him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there with him when he died.” She said, beginning to cry too.

Sandra put her arms around both Sophie and Anna together, and told Anna that she wasn’t to know and no one can plan these things. People always look back and think about how things could have been different, but it doesn’t help anyone because time can’t be turned back.

“You were such a good friend to Ben,” she told Anna, “Right from the start, when you used to come over to play and be too shy to say anything more than hello, goodbye, please and thank you, I knew that you were a good friend for Ben. He told me how you were kind to him on that first day of playgroup: how you took down the wall of the Lego house you were building and gave those bricks to him for the fire engine he was making. He was having a bad day, he hated Tuesdays because he wanted to be with his dad instead of going to playschool, but his dad wasn’t motivated enough to entertain him more than once a week: and that broke Ben’s heart. You were his saving grace and he always talked about that first story and I’ve always liked you.”

Sandra then got up to pour the kettle, and Anna smiled as she recalled the day she met Ben. She remembered it vividly too, but had never realised how significant it had been to Ben. Being at his house was more comforting than she had ever imagined it could be, and she wished that she had gone there sooner.

Sandra said that Pete was at work, and was being very supportive, but she had heard nothing yet from either Ben’s dad or Tanya. She handed Anna a peppermint tea and they sat out on the terrace sipping from the edges of their mugs, and talking.

“I wrote a poem for Ben,” Anna said eventually, producing the piece of paper that she had refolded into its crane shape from her pocket. She didn’t want to read it out herself, but she was happy for Sandra to read it in her head.

“It’s quite short,” Anna explained. “There’s so much I want to say to him, but I didn’t want it to go on to long.”

Sandra unfolded the paper and smiled softly as she read Anna’s heartfelt poem.

“Oh Anna, its lovely!” she gasped, “Will you read it at the funeral?”

Anna looked at Sandra’s eyes. She truly wanted Anna to perform it in front of everyone. Anna had never read aloud to anyone in her life, except of course to Ben. If she read at the funeral it would be petrifying, but it would be for Ben. If he was anywhere where he could look down on her and see what was happening, she knew he would be proud.  So she agreed.

“Thank you, it would mean so much,” Sandra smiled, overjoyed.

Anna’s eyes widened, terrified that she may have agreed to something that she might not be able to do. Maybe if she focused on one space in the room and pretended Ben was sat there and was the only person listening, her words would come out alright. 

Sandra said that she wanted to get out of the house for a bit. Like Anna, she hadn’t been able to bring herself to do very much over the last week. She had tried to busy herself with the housework and Sophie, but the pain in her chest and butterflies in her tummy were going nowhere. Pete was arranging the funeral to make life a bit easier for her, but the whole house felt wrong, even Sophie seemed to sense it.

“Poor baby, she hasn’t been anywhere.” Sandra sighed. “Would you come somewhere with us, we could go to the aquarium?” She suggested.

Anna was happy to go out with Sandra and Sophie. They understood and felt the same unlike her parents or the people she was at school with. Although Sandra had often been strict and stressed, Anna had always liked her. She liked that she did her best and was proud of Ben. Even if he wasn’t allowed to have sweets, had to help wash the car, and do the dusting at home: he had always been well loved.

In the pristine Rover, Anna sat in the back with Sophie and sang quietly to her, making her smile some more. Sandra flipped the mirror down above the driver’s seat and applied concealer to the bags that shadowed the skin beneath her eyes.

“Do you think I was too strict with Ben?” She asked worriedly. “If I’d known that this would happen, I would have been a lot softer. I would have given him everything he wanted, let him choose what he wanted to eat, and what to do with his days.”

“But you didn’t know,” said Anna, “you did your best and you were there for him. Ben knew that.”

“I’d like you to come around still, to visit Sophie and me.” Sandra said. “We’ve known each other such a long time and it would do us both good to share memories.”

Anna agreed, and when they arrived at the aquarium, she unstrapped Sophie from her car seat and carried her around the display of tanks, pointing at the coloured seahorses and large stingrays.

It felt both right and wrong at the same time.

 

 

] THE WOMAN IN THE SUIT ] 

After spending the weekend visiting Ben’s mum and Sophie, Anna decided to go to school on the Monday that followed.

She felt a bit disorientated as she ironed her school skirt and plaited her hair; and after what had happened to Ben, she didn’t want to go near her bicycle, so she walked. It took longer than Anna remembered and when she arrived late, it felt as though everyone was staring at her. The poignant smell of wet paint hit her as she walked into the building. Decorators were busily working in the reception area, and tape was up to keep students away from the tacky walls.

When Anna reached her classroom, Naomi called over to her and pulled out a chair. The class teacher Mr Norman handed Anna a card with a felt tip picture of a tree and some swans on the front. She opened it up to see that the whole class had signed it and written messages inside. Anna felt a bit strange sat with Naomi. She was smiling and talking about her weekend; but Anna found it hard to listen. She looked over at the empty desk that she would have been sat at with Ben, it looked wrong on its own.

Anna looked at her timetable. The first lesson of the day was maths. She sighed to herself quietly, but Mr Norman still managed to hear it, he seemed to hear everything.

“You won’t be going to maths today Anna, you’ll stay behind after tutor time please.”

Anna did as she was told and stayed sitting at her desk, assuming that she was soon to be quizzed on her absence, but Mr Norman simply told her to wait. He wandered out of the room, following the rest of the class and returned with a woman at his side.

“This is Mrs McAllen, she’s a bereavement councillor.” Mr Norman said. “Your mum phoned the school asking if there was someone here that you could talk to, and luckily she was available.”

Anna looked at Mrs McAllen, and saw herself reflecting in her tinted glasses; which made Anna think that if she was expected to open up to this woman, it would be nice to at least see her eyes.

Mrs McAllen looked around thirty and had shocking red hair in a short spiky cut. Her jaw line was well defined, and she wore a grey suit with square toed shoes. Tucked under her arm was a large leather bag, heavy with papers. She looked around the classroom and screwed up her nose.

“This isn’t a very comfortable place,” She groaned, observing a poster on the wall about domestic violence. She pulled out a chair and huffed at its plastic surface.

“Grey walls, dull carpet, depressing posters,” she sighed. “This room is hardly suitable for a woman with my job description, is there not somewhere more appropriate we can go?” she asked Anna.

“There are a couple of rooms with comfortable chairs just off the library,” Anna said quietly.

“Excellent, we’ll go yonder,” Mrs McAllen grinned. “Call me Maggie; I don’t like all that formal nonsense. I’m here to be your friend,”

Anna led Maggie to a quiet room with mint coloured walls and blue cushioned seats, which she seemed to like better.

Anna had initially been annoyed that her mum had gone to the effort of phoning the school and arranging for a counsellor to see her. She didn’t think that counsellors were as caring as they made out; it was just another job that people did to make money and in Anna’s mind there was no one that could help her because no one could bring Ben back.

Maggie wasn’t anything like Anna had imagined a counsellor to be. She had imagined someone boring who would try to force her to talk to them when she didn’t want to; but Maggie was different, she was eccentric and Anna liked that.

She let out a relieved sigh as she sat on the soft chair and told Anna that it was a much better environment. She then began talking about how the area that surrounds a person affects their wellbeing and asked Anna to sign some forms. Once they were complete, Maggie fumbled around in her bag and produced a shoebox. It was decorated brightly, using a mixture of brown paper, coloured buttons and photocopied photographs, along with pressed flowers, and a label which read ‘Memory Box.’

“I’m going to help you make one of these in memory of Ben,” she told Anna. She then explained that the shoebox in front of them was one that she had created herself in memory of her late uncle Arthur. She told Anna that she had been raised by her auntie and uncle because her own mother was unable to look after her and so Uncle Arthur had been like a father.

She opened the box to show Anna the memories it contained. It was lined with gold foil and filled with small articles, cards, photographs and accessories.

Maggie picked out a mahogany pipe and ran her finger along its rim. She explained to Anna that her uncle used to smoke it in the evenings. He always had the scent of tobacco mixed with extra strong mints lingering in both his hair and suit jacket as well as on his breath. Maggie had always been opposed to smoking because the health risks worried her, and as a child, she used to hide the pipe in a different place every day and watch as he looked for it, hoping that it wouldn’t be found; but uncle Arthur always managed to retrieve it, hence why it was still around to this day.

The box also housed his pocket watch, which was stuck at ten past four and Maggie told Anna that it was a family heirloom that had been passed down to Uncle Arthur from his grandfather. He'd carried it everywhere with him, along with his harmonica. Maggie explained that her uncle would get the harmonica out whenever there was an awkward silence and play a merry tune on it to cheer everyone up

Maggie had also kept a few of his favourite plants in a tiny flower press. She opened it up to show Anna the delicate leaf skeletons and the dried out petals of primroses and honeysuckle flowers she had collected. She explained to Anna that these plants reminded her of the days she spent helping Uncle Arthur in the garden.

At the bottom of the box, lay scattered a colourful array of buttons of coins, all of which had belonged to him. The buttons belonged to various articles of clothing each of which Maggie had vivid memories of her uncle wearing and the coins came from each country he had visited.

“He travelled a lot,” Maggie explained, holding out a newspaper article that depicted him stood beside an aeroplane.

“He piloted his own small aeroplane as a hobby and visited most European countries. Unfortunately, the engine failed and that’s how he died.” She explained. The time had flown by, and it was nearly time for Anna to go back to her lessons.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Maggie smiled, “I want you to bring in some things that remind you of Ben and we’ll start putting a box together.

When Anna got home, she found it hard to pick out special things because everything reminded her of Ben. Every game she owned had been played with him, every cushion sat on, every felt tip doodled with and every book read. Anna found the tin they had kept sweets in years ago. It hadn’t been used for that purpose for a long while, and Anna now kept photos in there. She had piles of pictures of her and Ben making faces at the camera, climbing rocks, paddling in the sea, and sitting in their camp in the woods. She selected her five favourites and put them in an envelope to go in her memory box. The rest she spread out on her bed ready to turn into a photo montage for her bedroom.

Other trinkets she collected were the drawings and cards that Ben had given her over the years and the gift wrap he had handmade for the necklace she still wore. There was a plastic bear that had come free in a cereal box, which Ben had given Anna when they were small because it had a pink bow on its ear. Anna bought a lollipop to remind her of their treat tin, and in an old box in Samuel’s room, she discovered a red Lego brick to remind her of that first meeting with Ben. Anna tucked these special things into a plastic wallet and placed them lovingly in her red leather schoolbag.

After dinner, she stood in front of Dusty and practiced her poem for the funeral, trying over and over again to speak clearly enough for everyone to understand her.

 

 

 ] OUTSIDE THE LIBRARY ]

 

The reading room had become a place of silent reflection now that there were only Ben and his granddad to occupy it. The room was toasty and the fire dying.

Ben’s book pile had been changing daily. He had never been an indecisive person on Earth, but up until now, his biggest decision had been choosing which options to take for his GCSEs.  Since researching various options, Ben’s focus had changed from animals that would venture into Anna’s garden, to unusual ones which would be drawn to her attention because she wouldn’t expect to see them.

Ben noticed that his granddad had befriended Mrs Vine’s black cat, who was sitting on his lap and purring as Ben’s granddad stroked his cheeks and teeth.

“When you’re a cardinal, cats will be your enemies,” Ben reminded him.

His granddad remained silent, his lips formed a soft smile and his eyes appeared lost.

“Granddad!” Ben called to him, slightly worried, causing the cat to jump up and stretch out his paws.

“Sorry Ben, I’m just thinking,” his granddad explained. “I’ve decided that a cardinal, beautiful bird as it may be in its lush landscape of mountains and rivers, is not the choice I’m going to opt for this time round. This may come as a surprise to you, but I’ve decided not to return to Planet Earth.”

Ben raised his eyebrows as his jaw fell. He wondered if it was true that his granddad had lived enough lives and learned so much that he didn’t need to make any further appearances in our world again. Ben asked him about this and questioned whether he would be moving on to a new Solar System, but his granddad shook his head, and told Ben to take another guess.

“You’re going to stay in the library?” Ben asked.

His granddad nodded in response and explained to Ben that Mrs Vine and her cats needed some male company, and if he were there with her they would be able to share the duties equally between them. Then she would have more time away from her desk to explore new areas. He told Ben that there was more outside the library, and that they would be able to leave the building and explore individually if they chose to: as long as one of them remained to mind the desk. Ben’s granddad explained that Mrs Vine would be a prisoner in her job until someone else chose to accompany her in the library’s way of life. He said that if he stayed then he wouldn’t be born again, he would simply remain the age he was now; but with no ailments or pain. It would also mean that for the whole time that Ben had lives to live within the same Solar System the two of them could meet between each one.

Ben grinned, happy that his granddad seemed so contented with his decision.

“Whatever happened to Mrs Vine’s husband?” He asked intrigued.

    “He moved Solar Systems,” Ben’s granddad explained. “He was a spirit and lived loads of short lives so that he could keep returning to the library to be with Mrs Vine, they spent a long time getting to know each other and building up a friendship and eventually they married but he still wouldn’t commit to staying in the library, he liked the adventures on Earth. Once he had lived over a hundred lives and learnt as much as he could, he chose to move on somewhere else, instead of staying here with her like she had dreamed of. He thought the library would be a dull place to remain”

“There’s more than just the library here though, isn’t there?” Ben asked, scrunching his nose.

His granddad nodded and reminded Ben of the exterior of the building, but all Ben could ever remember seeing was a bus stop and the building.

“Can we explore?” He asked. “Even if it means we just go for a short walk. I’ll have to decide what to be soon, and I feel like I’m losing focus looking at printed words on paper all day every day; a few breaths of fresh air would really help.

Ben’s granddad agreed and went to speak with Mrs Vine. She leant them a silver pocket watch and asked them to be back before dark, explaining that the temperature really drops outside at night. She also handed them a copy of the area map and told them not to get lost.

As they descended the staircase to the front door, old paintings watched them and creatures scurried away clearing a pathway for them to pass through.

Ben’s granddad opened the squeaky hinged door, and they were greeted by gentle falling snow that covered the muddy ground in patches. Their hair and clothes blew in the frosty breeze as they looked down at the map with its fluttering corners. There was a patch of water depicted that looked more like a lagoon than coast. There were also caves and rock, and plants with roots that hung like beaded curtains.

“That place looks interesting,” Ben hinted, pointing towards the area.  The nice thing about the library’s world was that there was no traffic or human pollution. The thick twisting roots were everywhere covering pathways and forming archways; it must have been some sort of weed because it grew all around, its leaves were dark and pointy, and its berries a sunshine yellow. Large black coated mammals wandered about the place, they were about the same size as cows but had features similar to guinea pigs and didn’t seem to mind the snow. From the caves swung sharp icicles that blended in with the stalactites and after stepping into a few for shelter, Ben and his granddad discovered that some were not caves at all but extensive tunnels with several adjoining passages.

Ben wanted to explore them, but his granddad argued that they had no torch, and knew nothing of the types of creature they could encounter inside. When Ben reminded him that they were both already dead and asked what was the worst thing that could happen to them now, he couldn’t think of an answer, and agreed to the adventure.

It actually turned out that seeing wasn’t a problem. Fire flies and glow worms were dotted around to light the way, their bodies shining in fluorescent pinks, greens, whites, and oranges. They lit only the tunnel that led to the lagoon.  Ben and his granddad were surprised to find that it was so far underground that the water was lukewarm with no ice sheets to be seen, it shone every colour of the rainbow beneath the glow worms light. Ben and his granddad rolled their trousers up above their knees and dipped their legs into the water and it bubbled like a Jacuzzi.

“Now this is more how I would have imagined heaven to be,” Ben’s granddad smiled, “I knew I wouldn’t get bored in this world.

“I’d stay here with you if I didn’t miss Anna so much,” Ben smiled.

He missed her to the point where everything that he did, no matter how enjoyable, was unable to distract him from the fact that she wasn’t there.

   

 

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Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 523 days ago

Hi Jessica

Sorry it's take so long to get round to reading The Library of Living. I was an avid reader in childhood and my teens and I would have loved to read a book like this. The theme of the story is great with the elements of love and the after-life running through it and the confirmation that even death can't break the strong bond between people we love. Pain has that theme too so I know where you are coming from! You portray the feelings between Ben and Anna beautifully and really capture their heartbreak at losing each other superbly. I am sure we will see your novel in the ED in the very near future. Six well deserved stars.

P.S. reading your bio your own upbringing would make a fascinating novel in itself!

Kim (Pain)

Robert McCracken wrote 541 days ago

Really enjoyed reading Library of the Living, Jessica. Although it is written for children and is written about children it reads like an adult's book. It's thought provoking, it's heart-warming and emotional. Re-incarnation is a fascinating concept that fires the imagination. The library idea is brilliant with endless possibilities for Ben. I can see how Mitch Albom's book has inspired you and yet Library of the Living is a valid story of its own, just as powerful and every bit as touching.
One small point, and you might have considered this already: As far as I'm aware publishers like to know what age group a children's novel is intended. This will have an effect, perhaps, on the themes within your story. Just a thought f you're intending to submit to publishers. I know. for sure that my daughter would have gladly read this as a twelve-year old. She'd probably read it now and she's twenty-three.
best wishes,
Robert

junetee wrote 527 days ago

Hi Jessica, this is an amazing book you have written. I thought I'd check it out.
The pitch is intriguing, and the title brilliant, along with the collection of ideas that make up 'the library of Living'.
The first chapter grabbed my attention immediately. I know this is a book meant for Yound adults, but I found myself carried away in the story.
Great characters, described with warmth and accuracy.
Top marks for your imagination, you share it with the reader with your beautiful descriptive writing throughout the first three chapters I read. Maybe minor editing required, but it was still it was a pleasure to read.
I give it 6 stars and I hope it will reach the editors desk very soon.
(I will back it in the next few days when I rearrange my book shelf.)
Junetee(Four Corners.

Johnny Appleseed wrote 527 days ago

How do the mechanics of the afterlife work?

Jessica Jade Barton's book "The Library of Living" gives her vision of what that final frontier looks like.

The book begins with an exchange of letters between Anna and Ben, two teens who are--or I should say "were"--deeply in love. Ben has died tragically and finds himself in the Library, missing his Anna, wanting to reassure her that he is fine. The Library is a place where souls come to find their next lives on the world. Ben has 30 days to find that next life, and he wants desperately to find something that will bring him close to Anna. One caveat though: He will not have any prior knowledge of his past life.

The story moves to a series of flashbacks showing the growing friendship and emergent love between the two children. I don't want to give too much away (to those, like me, who like to read comments and reviews before reading the narrative), but these flashbacks serve the story well, providing important characterization for both protagonists. Though the pace, at times, slows a bit, I did not get impatient. I wanted to get to know Ben and Anna.

The most interesting character, I believe, is Mrs. Vine, the librarian. Part grandmother, part teacher, she is a Mentor to Ben's Telemachus. I immediately saw Helen Mirren in this role. Mrs. Vine is a complex woman. I really liked her.

It has been suggested that this story is a teenage "Ghost." Perhaps...but to me it seems more like "What Dreams May Come"--an afterlife of familiarity and the option to go back and start over.Though Burton's story ends somewhat sadly, I cannot help but to think it ends rightly.

With a good revision to rewrite "telling" scenes into "showing" scenes, and to clean and clear up some of the language, "The Library of Living" will definitely grace the shelves of bookstores in the future.

I highly recommend this book.

stearn37 wrote 13 days ago

Hi Jessica
well done on getting to the Editors desk.
You are onto a winner here, i showed the book to my partner yesterday and she loved it.
I am sure your review will be superb.
Cheers,
John Stearn
Author of Derilium.

liampatrik wrote 22 days ago

Hi Jessica - have just made it through the first chapter, but wanted to say what a phenomenal idea this is, and how well you've executed it - well done! There are aspects to the Library that remind me of the book warehouse in Shadow of the Wind.... while different scenarios, they both present books as more than human creations, but pieces/gateways/smidgens of human (or other) lives.

Your have a good balance between writing poetically and cutting to the chase - this chapter is pacey, without skimping on some nice descriptions and character sketching. Ben and Anna seem very alive (err, even when when they're not.....!).

There were a couple of points where I thought you could provide little insights as to his thoughts on rapidly changing circumstances - for example, what triggers Ben into thinking/realising that he's dead? The awareness strikes him suddenly, but I'd love to know how that realisation dawns - it would be an incredibly weird thing to suddenly think. Was he primarily nervous, happy, etc. etc? Also, when he first entered the building, he becomes aware that he'd been there "before he was born" - that, too, is an unusual conviction to have (though we all feel deja vu!) - how do you think he'd feel to come upon such a bizarre certainty?

Hope those little thoughts make some sense - really compelled what what you've done, and will definitely keep reading! (and backing)

Cheers,
Liam - "A Eurasian Diary: From Hong Kong to London by Train, Bus & Lada"

stearn37 wrote 23 days ago

Hi Jessica
Congratulations on getting this great book to the editors desk.
Can't wait for Harper Collins to publish it, which they will. I will be first in the queue to by it for my daughter.
Cheers,
John Stearn
Author of Derilium.

David Blackdene wrote 25 days ago

Well, normally I hate fantasy...However, I love this. In the same way that I love 'Always' the Hollie Hunter/Richard Freyfuss film, or 'It's a wonderful life'....I love the simplicity of it all. For me, this story, be it fiction, is totally feasible....Why not? 5 stars and backed happily. I've only read 3 chapters so far, but sometimes that's all it takes. Dave

Edward Gardner wrote 26 days ago

Had this book on my WL for a couple weeks, as the premise sounded intriguing, so I'm glad I'm finally getting the chance to read a couple chapters of it.

Loved Chapter 1. The letters between Anna and Ben got me feeling sad - indeed the whole first chapter is told in a way that made me hover somewhere close to being sad. It is the presence of Mrs Vine that dramatically lightens the reality of Ben's death. I loved her question "How was that life for you?" It made me smile to think of this nice old lady who's seen it all, yet who is still soft-hearted enough to shed tears when she hears another sad story. In Chapter 2 I liked the way she takes the time to sit and talk to Ben, and we have the chance to hear about how he grew up in a divided family and how meeting Anna changed his life. Perhaps the fact that my mother was a children's librarian makes this scene extra good for me - I can see her sitting with one of her students, listening to them in this sort of observant and encouraging way.

Good luck with your story,
Edward

Alan Porter wrote 29 days ago

Hi Jessica

I have only read the first four chapters so far, but what I see I like a lot. You have a fantastic idea, and you carry it well. I like the very matter-of-fact way Ben dies, and realises he's dead. Your idea to open the book with letters to set the tone is brilliant, and I like the (unusual) device of breaking chapters with subheads denoting the scene. Not sure a publisher will like it, but they should!

The library concept is also a strong one, and I will read on to see how he emerges...

The only thing I'm not wholly convinced about is the shift in perspective at Chapter 4. In Ch2 you have the backstory narrated by Ben, but later it comes through your authorial voice. Both work, but maybe not in the same book... so close together. I'll need to read further to make final judgment. (At least I still want to read further!)

There are a few grammatical issues, which I'm sure have been pointed out before (things like punctuation after direct speech fragments, and the need to begin each paragraph of direct speech with quote marks), so I won't rehash them all here. Suffice to say, you are very near ED so it might be worth sorting these things out before you get your big chance!

And I hope you do get that chance. You have a unique voice, a unique perspective on a novel idea, and you deserve to be read. I don't read much of this kind of book, but having wasted time on the dreadful 'Lovely Bones', I wish you had been published first. Your handling of the issue of the limbo of afterlife is vastly more convincing and entertaining.

Alan

junetee wrote 29 days ago

This is a very unusual and imaginative book. I read it a long time ago and I had to read it again. I love the idea of the library being the place that we choose the life we have next. You have written this beautifully and have captured the emotions and created almost a heavenly scene amongst the library, with the books and the woman. Good luck.
junetee
Four Corners + Pillars of Sand

Sheena Macleod wrote 30 days ago

Library of Living

Jessica, Oh, what a lovely idea - thirty days to choose your next life- I like it.
This book should be very will received. Well written and thought through.
Read up to 4. Mrs Vine is lovely - I was intrigued to see Ben had been in the library before- the sense that life goes on. A very comforting idea.

High starred already and no wonder.
Good luck with the ED.

High stars from me.

Sheena
The Popish Plot

Teb Danner wrote 30 days ago

Jessica.

I will read it chapter by chapter and comment that way.

"You didn't want a replacement dad..." I don't think you need this sentence. It lost momentum for me when i came across...You blocked me out as a reader. You said it perfectly, then you said it openly. (If that makes sense.)

You are setting up a hero/mentor relationship. (archetypes) between Ben/ Anna

I like the different shades of vulnerablity between the two: Ben and Anna. I like that they have few regrets.

The moment everything changed....

It is strong in its simplicity. Innocent and fresh.

The previous dialog of letters sets up this scene perfectly. The exuberant eyes. It manages the tone of voice. The covered eyes and tickle. It is really nice.

Black Taxi.

Like how the bike is tied to Ben and his fathers unresolved issues, and that feels connected to this crisis.

I like the use of public spaces. I can summons up images with your simplistic contrasts. I can see sunsets in puddles next to the the old museum. Mine is a library but at the drop of a hat. I have turned it into a museum. I think the secret is in your consistent tempo and unhindered style.

The narration is so clear. It is feminine and dependable. For my mind it works well. In a society where there is so much noise and distraction this works and doesn't demand too much or overwork my attention span. It allows me to look around to what else is in the room with Mrs Vine.

Nice.

Teb

elspbeth wrote 34 days ago

I have read a few chapters - very creative & beautifully written. Best of luck!

TBOBM wrote 34 days ago

Hi, this is my second attempt at leaving you with my opinion of the book, the first is lost somwhere in the ether.
This type of book is not something I would go out of my way to read, if I hadn't read it I would be the poorer for it.

Superb colouring brings out an imaginative plot, I am a faithless person, and yet you somehow managed to lift my spirit with your words.The target audience for this work will be inspired, but any human soul that reads it will be touched. Brilliant!
Artistic, in touch with nature,and full of promise, the story takes you through an adolescent love story, family relationships and death, the book is sensitive and compelling. Good Luck with it and future endevours.

PS. Authonomy rating system is not something I personally use, so don't bother reading my work on here.

Regards Nicholas David Evans

YvonneMarjot wrote 35 days ago

This is beautifully written. I found myself immediately sympathising with Anna and Ben. Of course, I already know that libraries are special places in this life, so it didn't surprise me to find one taking central place in the next.

There are a number of places where you would benefit from judicious punctuation editing. For instance:
'you didn't want a replacement Dad: you wanted your own Dad.' (Added colon).
'don't be afraid to talk to people. Your speech is perfectly coherent.' (Split 1 sentence into 2).
I would suggest that you stand and read your work to yourself, out loud. Your voice will fall into natural pauses, and these are the places where you should add or amend punctuation. it doesn't matter so much whether you use commas, semi-colons or full stops, so long as you're confident you've identified the natural pattern of short or long pauses.

Of course, you may use eccentric punctuation or speech patterns to indicate the personality or age of your characters, and that's perfectly fine. But general narration needs to flow in the reader's mind, and this happens best when punctuation is fairly standardised.

This book thoroughly deserves its current high status, and I hope you are able to find a publisher. I'll be watching out for it in future. Best wishes, Yvonne.

TBOBM wrote 35 days ago

A truly remarkable and inspiring read, the plot is coloured to perfection with obvious artistic talent. Not a genre I would have picked to read, but if I hadn't, I would have been the poorer for it.
The intended audience for this work will be enthralled, I am a person without faith whose spirit was lifted by the plot, to be able to be so emotive with the written word is a talent to be proud of. I would definitely reccomend this work. PS let me know when your next book is about to come out.

jrapilliard wrote 36 days ago

I have just backed your book
If you've got time, please have a look at mine, Penrose - Princess of Penrith.
Best wishes,
John.

Thanuj Dilshan wrote 44 days ago

Hi Jessica,
The Library of Living is a great read. I love the beautiful relationship between Ben and Anna; it reminds me of my childhood friendships. Best of luck!
Thanuj Dilshan.

Kestrelraptorial wrote 49 days ago

The story of how Ben and Anna met really is sweet. I love how they play together, and their curiosity. Where Ben remembers what being a new spirit was like is really cool. What’s interesting is that I think people do sometimes have dreams of what other lives may have been like, and sometimes they feel oddly familiar. The spirits’ wonder at what the Earth and their new universe is like

Michelle Richardson wrote 50 days ago

Jessica, I have been meaning to read this book for weeks and I'm so pleased that I did.
I could connect easily with the story as I am a big fan of children's fiction and also have a teenage son.
The bond between Ben and Anna was outstanding and acheived with so few words.
I am sure this will be a precious addition to many real bookshelves in the very near future, but for now I am backing it on my virtual
Michelle - 43 Primrose Avenue

Pamela Crabtree wrote 51 days ago

Hi Jessica, I'm putting you back on my bookshelf to give you a final boost! I loved this book and hope it's published.
My kind regards, good luck!
Pamela Crabtree.
'The Severed Cord'.

MagentaHead wrote 52 days ago

You have a great story here and I love how you've handled the subject matter. Very well written, I hope it finds a wider audience since this is something that both adults and children would love.

Chris

The Fantastic World of Sean Cleary

Roo Parkin wrote 53 days ago

Hi there,

What a delicious read, Jessica. I love the way you set the scene with the letters between Ben and Anna, Ben's realisation that he is dead (including the bus and the library) is skillfully drawn and I adore Mrs Vine and the whole reincarnation thang. Brilliant.

‘..why family tickets and hot cross buns always come in fours’ is a delightful observation.

I do have a few nits, but I am only elaborating on them because you may well be on the ED at the end of April, and you will want your ms to be in the best shape possible.

‘The man seemed conceited’ – doesn’t sound quite right. Maybe something like: 'There was something conceited about the man. Perhaps it was the way he ran his fingers though his hair and checked his reflection, twice'.

‘...man who looked like a brown toad’ – tell the reader how he looks like a brown toad. It just sits there as a statement with no back up.

‘He always late’ typo (can't recall exactly where, soz - ch2 or 3?)

‘..clutching dads clammy hand’ typo – apostrophe required for dad’s

‘much like the invisible wall she had built to protect herself’ – superfluous, more powerful without it - maybe just emphasise the wall a bit more, perhaps that it was ‘really high’ or something.

Playmobil and my Little Pony - I always think references like this (of which I am COMPLETELY guilty of making) are a bit too culture bound. if My Little Pony hadn't ever been a big thing in the reader's country, they wouldn't know what you were talking about. Perhaps you have only referenced things that you know were a global sensation - I just think it's safer to keep these kind of things a bit more bland.

Anyway, none of this detracts from the story, and I have awarded you very high stars. You are on my w/l - I am intending to read about 10 books and to then decide who to pop on my current 2 shelf spaces.

Lots of luck with this, Jessica.

Roo

MatthewBrenn wrote 53 days ago

Jessica,

I like your writing style, compact and almost terse. I haven't read enough to say if I like the book itself, but I have bookmarked it and will get back to it.

Good luck, you should make the Editor's list this month.

Matt

MC Storm wrote 59 days ago

I read the first two chapters and was engrossed with the story. Poor Ben poor Anna. All he longed for was his dad's affection, so very sad.
The dialogue works prefectly and your characters are real. I really like Mrs. Vine whom you describe so well. She wants for Ben to find Anna again.
Well done and high stars!
MC
Exposed

sherit wrote 60 days ago

Hi Jessica,
I guess I've been buried beneath a rock because I just discovered your book. And since you're at number 8 it's clear you don't really need my help or comments, but I do have a space on my WL, so if that would give you a bit of a cushion while you're on the ED next month (let's be positive here!), I'm happy to do that. I was looking around the top rated books to see what might be interesting to read and scrolled through until your book caught my eye. I agree with an earlier comment that although this is written for YA audience, grownups can thoroughly enjoy it too. Being the mom of two teenagers, I was so saddened by Ben's death...silly aren't I? But I cared about him immediately. I've read the first three chapters and hope to come back to read more. From what I can tell you thoroughly deserve the high ranking and I wish you all the best. I'll star you and put you on the WL for now. Best of luck, dear.
All the best,
Sheri Emery / Crazy Quilt

DJ-Gargoyle Chronicles wrote 63 days ago

Library of Living – Review
Nice start with a letter to the dead… and a return, but we know the plot, so do I just stop now? Only kidding… makes me want to know where you are going, so well done. And the ending makes you want to turn the page so excellent opening.
A few minor quibbles, take in or ignore what you like, it’s your stuff and I can only suggest.

Chapter One:
(Her descriptions of Ben – eyes etc were lovely, but would someone actually write that. I know you used the letter to show us Ben, but it was a little too authorish… it felt like you writing and not the character.)
“… that Pete bought you(,) but I could…” – () indicates missing punctuation or word
Check instances of the word BUT – in most cases there should be a comma before and in most cases you don’t have one. Found this all the way through.
Love the inclusion of song lyric, I do that a lot, you might want to footnote that though
Not sure he would be in the shape of a star, I imagined him being quite crumpled and flung about. But ignore me.
Red inky pool – lovely piece of writing.
Sun setting was also nicely done
Library description also nice.

Chapter Two:
Love the fact that this is not linear
“He (WAS) always late…”
Mum as superhero line was nice and subtle!
Like the childlike memories when he first meets Anna
“I didn’t like what he heard..” – I think the HE should be an I
Sweet ending to this chapter and nice story of the children, but I think you must have more up your sleeve…

Chapter Three:
“… book spines were stacked so highly…” – ‘so HIGH’ is sufficient here.
“… petals to home it in…” – I think, ‘petals to house it in…’
Nice back story here, especially of all the planets etc. I wonder how many religious people you might have upset with your theory, but I think it’s nice… almost an Aboriginal or (I Think) Hindu afterlife, but fantasy… very nice and very easy to read. The style is passive, but it adds to the sombre nature, so I think you have found the right approach.

Chapter Four:
Its novel how you swap between chapters of reflection and chapters of afterlife.
Not sure I like the POV here. In chapter 2 the boy was telling his own story and now we are hearing from the writer’s POV… hmmm. It is a good story here, but less personal than it had been. Still undecided if I like the change… still reading…
His mum’s a bit of a clean freak – no wonder his folks split up!
The description of his dad’s flat was vivid.
“If there was an alien stood on…” – should this be standing, or is this a colloquial thing?
Wendy house – love that term, only heard it just recently. Know what it is, but still not sure why it is called that.
Oh, pop tarts – we don’t get those anymore…! 
“… at the hospital she worked at…” – at the hospital where she worked… I think this is a cleaner way of saying this.
Still not sure about the change of perspective, but the story was well drawn to this point… I need some reflection time and then I will be back. Feel free t ignore any of this or all, if it helps I’m glad… love the premise though and still wondering where you will take me which is the thing, isn’t it!

:DJ

My2Cents wrote 65 days ago

What a great idea for a story! I've always prescribed to the idea that we may come back as something else but it's a clever twist to allow the person to chose. The story was written so well and it seems so polished. Well done!
Ken Spears

Vithereader wrote 66 days ago

I'm backing this because I believe you have tackled an amazing subject for a children's book, and have achieved something great. Well done!

Chris 1 wrote 66 days ago

You create an interesting setting for your characters and so a different angle to tackle the themes of love, yearning, grief, growing up. It's an enchanting way of showing how young people relate to each other. BACKED

Firebrat wrote 68 days ago

Hi Jessica

I've started to read your novel so it's early days with it .The concept is unique so far as I can tell in children's literature and maybe fiction in general. The celestial library of possible lives is a strange enough idea to stick in the readers' memories. Very few works of fiction spend time in a realised afterlife. Offhand there is "The Lovely Bones" but that's about it. You've taken a bit of a risk separating the two sweethearts from the beginning but the reader will be following the story to find out if, and in what form, their relationship will ever be resumed.

So, your story has a gripping start and I will be interested to see where the narrative goes after the set up of the first chapters.

There area couple of points you may want to look at; Ben sees portraits from the Tudor era; it might be handy for the reader to know how he identified them. The second is when Ben tells us "Diane laughed uncomfortably." The observation sounds more like an adult's than a teenager's. Minor points, I know. I look forward to exploring more of the Library.


Regards

Firebrat

C W Bigelow wrote 69 days ago

Backed til you get the prize. Good Luck! CW

Allisonsarah16 wrote 70 days ago

Jessica This story is beautiful. I was in tears reading about Bens mum and his funeral, it made me think of my 14 year old son dying. It makes much more sense to me, I am much more a believer of life after death and I would like to think you are pretty close with this. I Loved it best of luck and high stars. Allie (Loved and Lost)

CJBowness wrote 71 days ago

This is absolutely lovely - beautifully and gracefully written. Ben's emotions are described with such delicate sensitivity that it brought tears to my eyes even in Chapter 1. I have backed this at once and given it six stars. I shall defintely come back to it.
CJ Bowness
The Accidental Adventurers

R. Dango wrote 71 days ago

Coming back to read what I had started reading 8 months ago. I love library and I am secretly (though not anymore now) fanatic about after/before lives so I would never pass this book if I saw it in a book store, or a library.
I wish there was a library like this one in real life near my town. Maybe there is, but people are hiding it from me….
I won't make any comment about writing or anything. I don't feel qualified for it, and I think it is a very easy read.
I hope it'd be published quickly.

R

DCHedlin wrote 73 days ago

Jessica. I have read the first few chapters of your story. It's an intriguing concept that permits the reader to access options in an afterlife dream world. I have a few questions. The most important part of the story is the relationship between Ben and Anna. It seems to me that that is where you put most of your energy. You have Ben's point of view, and sometimes Anna's point of view. While there are interesting things about both Ben and Anna that bring them together, there is something undeveloped in your exploration of each. You provide details for each, but there is a generic feeling about their characters. For instance, Anna is introverted, and builds walls that Ben seems instantly to understand represents the wall she has put around herself. The reader expects some intriguing things to develop that might explain Anna's character, and all that comes is an act of rudeness regarding her lisp, which I doubt would explain - I hope it alone doesn't explain - a girl who might have layers in her character that the reader will discover through the story, just as we are being taken physically from one part of the library to another, discovering its layers. The same goes for Ben. He has a broken family, but I'd like to think that his character, his attraction to Anna, and their deep feelings at a young age, have a more curious, complex origin than a simple marriage breakup. His death so early is important and has a real impact. One wants that impact deepened. That can be achieved only if he grows in the reader's mind, becomes a more profound, unique, interesting character, as any character must be if he is central to a gripping story. It's not as clear as it might be what drives Ben except for generalized feelings of disappointment, shame, curiosity. You've created a triangle of sorts: Ben within himself (and his environment), Anna within herself, and Ben and Anna together. I like what you are doing, but the story won't be as successful as it certainly can be if it hangs mostly on feelings - Ben's, Anna's, and the ones the reader is supposed to have.

A second question is regarding proofing. You will want your story to succeed on the ED, so it should be a bit cleaner. There are issues with punctuation - commas missing, or present where they shouldn't be, mixed success with semi-colons - as well as occasional redundancies within sentences. (I wish Authonomy had an in-line editing feature). There are places where your use of quotation marks should be looked at. Times when you open with a quotation mark, but don't close. Or you switch between quoted conversation and internal thinking, though they sound much the same, and it's not entirely clear to the reader that it isn't just a mistake with quotation marks.

A third question is regarding the physical setting. The street, classroom, library with its maze and stonework, the farm. These are all very good ideas. I think you should take more time - not necessarily more words - honing your artistic vision of them, how they look, sound, feel.

I apologize if my comments seem unnecessarily critical. I believe you have a very interesting story. You have a vision. You have an affecting writing style. You have received very nice comments from many others along that line. I want to be constructive. If you have any questions, please contact me. If there is anything in particular you'd like me to look for in your writing, just ask.

David Hedlin
Moon's Wallow

Peter B wrote 75 days ago

What a nice and imaginative yarn about learning and growing. Well placed and vivid portrayal takes the reader right there, as though we were in the room along with them. Nice work, Peter B.
"The Bible I Thought I Knew"

Le Truc wrote 92 days ago

I have started reading this – I have added it on my WL to continue to work my way through all the books I have been recommended.
Keep up the great work!

Nicky Morgan wrote 102 days ago

Hi,
Just checked out your book and I think it's great. Got to say though, I'm not used to crying so early on a Monday morning! This is a beautifully written book with well written characters. The relationship between Ben and Anna is touching, as is Ben's longing for his father's love. So far I've read the first three chapters but I think this is so good that I want to finish it all.
High stars from me!
Nik.

CATHERINE SHAW wrote 119 days ago

This is lovely, sad, poignant, uplifting and written with such feeling. Ben and Anna are strong characters and you really get to know them. The plot is very original, 6 stars!!

Helen Laycock wrote 120 days ago

Hi Jessica,
I have finally got round to reading your book. What an intriguing take on reincarnation!

I enjoyed the opening use of letters to introduce the story. This indicates the strong relationship between Anna and Ben which is then underlined throughout the book as reminiscences are made. What I was most interested in was the library, so, I must confess, I raced through intervening paragraphs to get back to it!

There is a lot of narrative. I don't know whether you'd agree, but I think this could well benefit from being broken up more by dialogue between the characters.

I think this is a book that would be enjoyed by older children and adults alike.

Good luck with it!
Helen
Glass Dreams

Nancy1974 wrote 136 days ago

I enjoyed this book very much and have backed it.
Good luck!!
From
Nancy

subra_2k123 wrote 139 days ago

I read part of this book 11 months ago. I started reading from where I left it,now. The surprising thing is I still remember what I read. That's what a good writer do on your memory!!!
one silly comment though: ] A LIBRARY] reminds me a traditional wife and husband.LOL
I got this feeling that, with this kind of writing abilities, Jessica has a bright future as an author.

venkatarama
Ozoneraser

Seringapatam wrote 142 days ago

Jessica. Harry Cunningham below sums it up for me. It was a fantastic start to this book that grabbed me and wouldnt let go, however I have to agree with his comments about ' the moment that changed everything' Do you know what though???? I think if you jack this book up on the ramps and give it a dam good service, you would be sitting on a winner here. The best piece of advice I was given was 'Write the book as a reader and not as a writer'. I kept going back over what I had written with this in mind. I wish you all the luck in the world with this.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Happy New Year. Sean

Harry.I.Cunningham wrote 147 days ago

I like the idea of the story opening with two letters. This often grates with me even in published books but you seemed to pull it off well. However, I think having 'The moment that changed everything' as a sub-heading is far too hyperbolic and doesn't work. I think the letters work well as an opening on their own and so I would suggest moving everything else into a new chapter. I also felt that the section 'The library' is far too descriptive: there is paragraph upon paragraph without any speech. I found this a little annoying given that we had just been heavily involved in a sequence with Anna, Naomi and Ben.

I liked the section where we got to see Ben and Anna interact in chapter one that is. I thought you were good at speech.

subra_2k123 wrote 150 days ago

enjoyable read

venkatarama
Ozoneraser

evermoore wrote 157 days ago

CHRIG
Oh, Jessica...
I loved this book. I am sure it will be published and a best seller to boot. I love that Ben was in her life even when she was so certain she'd lost him. I love even more, the ending. Simply perfect. Six stars and leaving your book with a smile in my heart...
Linda
Daniel Simmons Journey
and
Children Walking with Jesus

Jaclyn Aurore wrote 160 days ago

Hi there,

I'm not sure how I came across this book, but it's really enjoyable and I'm glad I read on!

I like the innocent love between Anna and Ben, and I look forward to seeing how Ben figures out how to be with Anna again... I like the letter writing, and I hope to see more of this too... but the library of books in the 'after-life' is a fun and unique outlook. Great Story, highly starred!

Jaclyn x
It Never Happened (would love a return read if you're interested!)

findingbooks wrote 167 days ago

Hi,

I am the Executive Editor of ROMAN Books www.roman-books.co.uk . We are interested to consider your novel for publication. If you are interested, please contact us by e-mail at response@roman-books.co.uk.

Thanks!

Kindest regards,
SUMAN CHAKRABORTY.

ibholdvictory wrote 187 days ago

Hi Jessica, I hope everything is well with you. I hope you come back soon. I just want you to know that I have recently started reading your book. It is so compelling and I am just in Chapter One. I love the storyline, excellent and promising. I can visualize the story from the begining and it is a great story. I can't wait to read some more. Good job. Love it.


Catherine
If Only You Could Tell.

Laura Bailey wrote 189 days ago

Hi Jessica,

I have backed your book numerous times in the past and still love it. I really believe this will get picked up and as you're so close to the shelf I hope my support will get you there sooner.

Best wishes and good luck,
Laura

spadge wrote 224 days ago

CHIRG Review
Hi Jessica,
I loved this story, although I've only read the first few chapters I'm going to stick it on my watch list to catch up with later.
I believe in all the stuff you write about and always have (I'm a Buddhist). You write extremely well and have also edited the tale really well.
The story hooks the reader straight away and I love the way you open with the letters to your two main characters.
Wouldn't everyone in this life want to believe in the library and the lovely old woman?
Fantastic, keep it up! Good luck.
Regards
Steve 'Merlin's Cave'

Tufan wrote 234 days ago

Hi Jessica,

I've just come across your book. The title really stood out in the list, which was a good start!

It sounds as though you're definitely onto something... and your description is well written, however there were a few bits I didn't enjoy.

I found the letters at the beginning failed to grab my attention. Anna's letter felt a little like a brain dump and her description of Ben's "turquoise eyes and darkening blond hair" felt awkward and unnecessary. My attention was however grabbed by the start of the story. I'd suggest you remove the letters and just start with the beginning :)

I also struggled with your dialog. You don't need "shrugged" or "smiled" or adverbs like "casually" after each exchange. Just stick to "said", putting it as early as possible in the sentence and only adding it when you feel the reader might lose track of who is talking. Have a read of some other books to see what I mean. (e.g. Harry Potter or The Hunger Games).

In reference to my last comment, it might also be worth reading Cormac McCarthy's The Road, which doesn't use a single "he said" or "she said" and still manages to convey exactly who is talking!

I hope these comments help!