Book Jacket

 

rank 501
word count 92398
date submitted 21.08.2011
date updated 25.08.2012
genres: Romance, Fantasy, Horror, Young Adu...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Terra Incognita

Heather Riffle

A girl must survive a future ruled by the "Pale Ones," while discovering love, friendship and a fate greater than she could ever believe possible.

 

Seventeen-year old Haylee Wells thought her mother pressuring her to choose a college was her only problem. But between her aunt’s death and a wraithlike creature attacking, she suddenly has much more to handle. When she finds herself in a post-apocalyptic future where these creatures reign and can kill with a single touch, she takes refuge with a group of humans who have their own special abilities. She needs to find her way home. But the connection she shares with Derik – the duty-bound protector of the group – and her own developing abilities complicate things further. If she fails to realize the power within herself, she risks becoming a slave to the Pale Ones and never returning home.

A YA post-apocalyptic paranormal with romantic elements, TERRA INCOGNITA will introduce readers to a new supernatural creature and immerse them in a world where humans must fight daily to survive.

Complete at 104,000 words.

 
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adventure, fantasy, future, romance, self-discovery, supernatural

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Chapter One

 

    As with most of life’s extraordinary problems, I felt ill equipped to handle the beast hurtling toward me.  The monster’s yellow eyes focused upon me.  Its tongue, dripping saliva, lolled from its mouth.  I flicked my eyes left and right, looking for cover.  A door to slip through.  Anything.  But could find no escape.  In a matter of seconds, it lunged for me.  I hit the ground, the air forced from my lungs.  And, before I could take a breath, my face was plastered with the dog’s kisses.  Laughter bubbled up in my throat, and I tried to shove the more than one hundred pound wolf-hybrid away to no avail.  So, arms shaking, I managed to hold the dog several inches from my body and draw my knees up, and rolled us both to the side.  I made it to my feet, but the dog remained with his tummy in the air, smiling at me. 

Bending down, I rubbed his belly, and tried to sound scolding.  “You’re really too big to be doing that.”  However, my laugh gave me away. 

With the canine properly mollified, I continued on my trek to the house across the lawn.  The farmhouse, and Lobo the happy monstrosity, had belonged to my aunt Bethany Wells until her recent death.  Aunt Bethany had died under what locals were calling “mysterious circumstances.”  But mysterious was putting it more than gently.  Neighbors had found her body in her vegetable garden, a spade in one gloved hand and a look of pure terror on her face.  They said it looked as though she had tried to protect herself, but her efforts were in vain.  Whoever (or whatever) had attacked her left every inch of exposed skin covered in lacerations.  Of course, I hadn’t seen her body myself.  Everyone kept telling me how lucky I was that I hadn’t been there to find her.  That I hadn’t seen her before the funeral home fixed her up.  Of course, I couldn’t help feeling that the images in my head were much worse than the reality.  Then again, I could be wrong.  According to the rumors, the person who found her had yet to recover his wits.  And, thus far, authorities had not determined whether she had died of fear or “simply” bled to death. 

Simply.  I shook my head, clenching my fists, and said, “Ugh!  I’ve never encountered anything less fucking simple in my life!”  I gave a wince at my choice of words and rolled my eyes skyward, as I reached the back door of the house.  “Sorry, Auntie Beth.”  But, still frustrated, I pivoted on my feet and set my fists on my hips.  I took in my rural surroundings, looking for anything to point me in the right direction, anything to give me insight into what had actually happened. 

    The house, in a large clearing, was surrounded by forest, the gravel driveway vanishing through the trees near the front of it.  At the far end of the clearing stood an unused barn, leaning heavily to one side.  Between that and the house, acres of tall grass waved in the breeze, at times almost seeming to bow to me.  Bowing to the most average of the average, I thought, suddenly weary.  A creaking gate drew my attention to the small fenced-in area roughly thirty feet behind the house.  All at once, I felt cold despite the warm spring air and crossed my arms over my chest.  Each time the gate blew open, I caught a glimpse of the garden behind it.  I had gone over the plot several times but found it of no help.  Even so, I continued to be drawn to the area.  Now I walked purposefully to the gate and latched it. 

Turning, I nearly stumbled over Lobo.  “Sheesh, dog.”  I started to pat his head, when he tipped it to the side, one ear perked up, and looked toward the trees.  Scratching him behind his other ear, anyway, I took a deep breath and cast one final glance toward the soon-to-be flourishing garden, before going inside for the evening.

 

*    *    *

 

    Fighting my way through images of thick forest undergrowth and moonlight-catching foliage, I bolted up in bed, gasping for air, drenched in sweat, my ears ringing.

I had been running.  Whether from something or toward it, I was unsure. 

    Banging and howling.  That is what pulled me from the dream, made me struggle my way out.  Realizing this, though still wondering if that too had been a dream, I calmed myself down and listened. 

    There. 

    I heard it again.  Something hitting a windowpane.  Untangling my legs from the blankets, I climbed out of bed and followed the sound to the room across the hall.  Moonlight poured in, casting an elongated shadow across the floor.  A tree branch.  The window rattled with every gust of wind, as the branch hit the glass.  I let out the breath I had been holding, closed my eyes briefly, and crossed the room.  The yard was bathed in milky light and, as I stood looking down, I heard the other sound. 

Lobo was howling.  Howling interspersed with intervals of all-out barking. 

When I spotted the dog, he was sniffing around the garden fence, only stopping to howl and bark toward the forest.  The closest neighbors lived on the other side of the woods, but could likely still hear the commotion, so I opened the window. 

    “Shh! Lobo!  Cut that out!” I called, trying to keep my voice low.  When the dog continued, I said more loudly, “Lobo!  Stop it!”  The dog whined but stopped, looking up at me.  He sat, giving another whimper.  “Good,” I said, trying to make up for my harsh tone.  “Good boy.”  I started to close the window, when something else caught my eye. 

    The gate to the garden was blowing in the wind, banging against the fence.

 

*    *    *

 

    The sun was rising, as I fell asleep.  I had tried telling myself the wind had caused the flimsy gate latch to unfasten, and it was no grounds for fear.  But a part of me was unconvinced; the part that had kept me awake until dawn.  So when my alarm clock ripped me from sleep at ten-thirty, I deftly reset it for noon.

    However, it seemed only moments later music was waking me.  I reached for my clock and flipped the switch, but the sound continued.  Peeking out from under the pillow over my face, I saw my cell phone vibrating its way toward the edge of the nightstand.  “Ugh.”  I reached for it and touched the screen before I could even see who was calling.  “Hello?”

    “Haylee?  Were you asleep?”

    The voice chased away the last remnants of sleep and had me tossing back the covers.  “No,” I said, clearing my voice.  “No, Mom, I just had to run to the phone, that’s all.  What’s up?”  Even from a distance of thousands of miles, my mom’s distaste for sloth triggered my desire to placate her.

     “I thought you’d want to know your father made it back alright, since you hadn’t called.  And we wanted to make sure you were okay.”  She paused.  “Well?  Are you?  Okay, I mean?”

    I blinked, as I distinctly remembered my father saying he would call me, but I shrugged it off.  “Uh, yeah, Mom, I’m fine.”  I glanced over at the clock, noting that I had switched it off just in time.  “You know…  Just been going through things here.  Aunt Bethany’s stuff.”  Rising from the bed, I thumbed a button on the phone and sat it on a small table near the bathroom door, before stepping inside.

    “You know you don’t have to be the one to do that.  Your dad was supposed to let you know,” she said. 

I could hear my father mumbling something in the background.  I rushed on to defend him.  “He did, Mom.  This is just something I need to do.  Besides, you guys have a lot to do on your end.  It’s just easier this way.”  I splashed some water on my face and grabbed an elastic band.  Pulling my hair off my shoulders and into a ponytail, I stepped back through the door, as my mother continued.

    “You could at least take a break for a little while.  Why don’t you fly out here.  You never come visit.  It would be good for you.”

    I wanted to say I wasn’t the one who had chosen to move halfway across the country, but I kept quiet.  There was no sense in acting childish.  Instead, I said, “It hasn’t been that long since I visited.”  I pulled on a clean shirt and chose a pair of shorts from the foot of the bed.

    “I wish you just would have moved out here.”

    I paused in the process of buttoning the shorts.  “I was sixteen years old and had just finished my junior year, Mom.  I wasn’t going to leave my friends or my home.”  I took a deep breath.  “You know we’ve been over this before.  I don’t want to talk about that right now.  Okay?”

    “You’re right.”  My mother used the same calming technique.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral.  Your father said the ceremony was beautiful.”

    “Yeah.  It was nice.  I think Aunt Bethany would have liked it.”

    “Yeah, your father mentioned that.”  She paused for a moment.  When she spoke again, her voice was low.  “Haylee… your father also mentioned that… well.  You haven’t cried.  Are you alright?” 

    I didn’t know how to answer this question.  I hadn’t expected it.  Now that I thought back over the last week or so, I hadn’t yet reacted to my aunt’s death.  I wasn’t ready to deal with the emotion it entailed.  But I also wasn’t ready to talk about that with my mom.  Especially not over the phone.  “Um, Mom – ” I began, but she interrupted me.

“Haylee Gai Wells, am I on speakerphone?”

    Picking up the phone, I thumbed the button again and held it to my ear.  I managed to keep the relief from my voice.  “Nope.  You know how the service is out here.”  I raised my eyebrows, a tight smile on my face, as I left my room.

    “All the more reason to be somewhere else.  Are you at least going to go to the city and start school in the fall?”

    “Mom.  I just graduated.  I discussed this with Aunt Bethany… and you.  She supports –”  I paused, closing my eyes.  “She supported my decision.  I’m taking some time off.  I may not even go at all.  I don’t know yet.”  I managed to keep the smile in my voice but braced myself, because I knew what was coming, as I headed down the stairs.

    “I mean, you need a degree. Something useful.  So you can do something with yourself.”  As with the subject of moving out West, this was a topic my mother had brought up countless times.  “Did you at least like the school when you visited?”

    I gritted my teeth, not wanting to think about where I had – or hadn’t – been when my aunt was killed.  Part of me blamed my mother for my being away, as it had been per her request to visit the nearest city’s university.  But mostly I blamed myself.  Maybe if I’d been here instead…  I shook my head, clearing it of such thoughts.

    “It was fine but I don’t think college is for me, at least not right away.  Besides, I can get any number of jobs around here, as it is, Mom, I said, hopping down the last step. “I don’t think I want to move to the city.  I like it here.  I know a lot of the people.  It’s quiet.”

    “Oh, honey, you’re not serious about living there, are you?  I mean, you’re in the middle of nowhere.  You shouldn’t be alone.”

    “I’m not – ” I began, as I reached the kitchen counter.

    “And that dog doesn’t count.”

    With my hand on a box of Pop Tarts, I closed my eyes, trying not to say anything I’d regret.  “There are plenty of people around, Mom.  You don’t need to worry.”

    After a slight pause, my mother said, “So, what are you going to do there, Haylee?”  She, too, had chosen her words carefully.

    “Well, I’m going to finish going through the house.  I’ve just got a few rooms left.  Then I’ll make my decision.”  I popped the “pastry” into the toaster.  “I just want you to know that I think I’m staying.  You can tell Dad, too.”

    “I suppose he’ll be happy you’re not selling his childhood home.  What are you going to do for work?  Not that you really need to do anything with what she left you, but it’s not healthy for you to be cooped up in that house.”  Her tone was prim, now that she knew she wouldn’t get her way.

    “Like I said, I’ll finish up with things here.  Clean out everything I don’t want or need.  But I think I’ll take my time doing it, savor the solitude for a while.  Then I’ll start looking for a job.  There’s plenty of office type work in town, or maybe I can find something at one of the schools.  I don’t know.  I’ll figure it out.  But right now, I just need… calm.”

    My mother sighed into the phone.  “Alright.  I understand.  Just don’t wait so long between phone calls next time.  We’ll expect to hear from you by the weekend, okay?”

    “Alright, Mom.”

    “And Haylee?  I am really sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral.”

    It was my turn to sigh.  “I know.  It’s all right.  I promise.”

    “Well.  I should get going,” my mother said, as if we hadn’t discussed anything of significance.  “We love you, Hay.”

    “I love you guys, too.  Bye.”  With that, I ended the call and placed my phone on the kitchen table, with another well-earned sigh.  Then, leaning over the counter, I pinched pieces of the strawberry rectangles into my mouth.  I always felt out of sorts after a conversation with my mother and knew the only thing that could calm me was currently overrun with weeds. 

So, instead of spending the day going through yet more boxes, I found an old pair of sneakers and some worn gloves and headed outside.  On my way to the garden, I hummed a little tune to which I had forgotten the words and, preoccupied with remembering it, unlatched the gate.  I stopped reminiscing when I realized something was not quite right.  

    “Wait a minute,” I said, looking back at the gate.  I stooped over it to examine the latch.  It seemed fine.  But I was sure I had just had to unlock it and thought back over my last few movements.  “Yep, definitely.”  Now, the explanation of a flimsy latch had worked when the wind had blown it open.  But I could find no good way to rationalize this.  The wind could not latch the gate and the gate could not miraculously latch itself.  “I must have imagined it,” I said, suddenly doubting myself, as I was prone to do.  “Or dreamed it.  It’s the only thing that makes any sense.  That must be it.”  I forced myself to shake off my misgivings and move on. 

Staring resolutely at the garden before me, the task ahead seemed rather daunting, but I didn’t let it stop me.  Moving to the opposite end, I began my work.  I had only been pulling weeds for about fifteen minutes and had a nice-sized pile, when I heard the crunch of tires on the driveway.  Shielding my eyes from the sun, I looked up to see the familiar County Sheriff’s emblem emblazoned on the side of the vehicle.  I tossed my gloves down to mark my place and dusted off my knees, before going to meet the man climbing from the car.

    He nodded at me, as I approached.  “Hi there, Miss Haylee.”  Glancing over the garden, he added, “Are you sure you’re up for that?” 

    “Hello, Sheriff.”  I looked back at the plot.  “This garden was a sanctuary to my aunt, and I can’t let that part of her go.  Despite what happened.  We’ve spent a lot of time here, especially since my parents moved.  It means a lot to me.”

    “Well, I’m glad to hear it.  I think you’re right to feel that way.”  He paused, moving to stand with one hip hitched.  “You can call me Jimmy, Miss Haylee.  Everybody does.  No need to be formal.”  He squinted past me, emphasizing the wrinkles around his eyes.  “You have any trouble here since the funeral?”

    I frowned, following his line of sight, only to find Lobo staring off into the forest as well.  “What kind of trouble would I have, Sher—Jimmy?”  I shook my head at the strange feeling of calling an authority figure by the name his friends had used in childhood.  I didn’t think I could ever get used to calling my high school teachers by their first names, even if I’d graduated five years instead of five weeks ago. 

    “There’ve been reports of coyotes in the area.  I thought I’d check in here, see if there were any signs.  What’s that dog after?” he asked.

    “I don’t know.  Actually, now that I think about it, it’s kind of odd he didn’t bark when you pulled up.  Probably just a deer.”  I shrugged, more interested in the sheriff’s news, and turned back toward him.  “Is that what they’re saying killed Aunt Bethany?  Coyotes?”  I tried to keep the skepticism out of my voice.

    He met my eyes again.  “Yes, I believe so, from the looks of things.  We don’t see any other explanation for it.  Not many wolves in the county anymore, and the last mountain lion was seen about ten years ago.  So, it stands to reason.”  His face was grim, causing him to look even older than his fifty odd years.  “So, you ain’t seen nothin’?

    I stared at the gravel at our feet.  “No, I haven’t seen anything.  Not that I’d know exactly what to look for, I guess.”  I kicked at one of the larger rocks.  “Are they really that dangerous?” I asked, looking up at him again.

    He glanced back toward the dog.  “Well, not normally.  They tend to stay away from people.  But they could be rabid, so it’s best to be careful.  Is he always here like this?”

    “Lobo?  He’s stuck close by ever since… what happened.  Usually, he roams.  I think he misses her.”  I pushed a stray strand behind my ear and looked away.

    “Well, Miss Bethany’ll be missed by near everybody.  If you don’t mind my sayin’, you look just like her.  And your daddy.  It was good that he could come in for the funeral.  Good you didn’t have to take that on all on your own.  He gone back to California already?”

    I fidgeted a little, as I replied, “Yeah.  He had to get back to work.”  For some reason, I always felt the need to defend my parents, even when the complaints against them were the same that agitated me.  Or, maybe, especially then.

    “Well, you remember that the Logans live just through those trees,” he indicated behind me.  “Don’t be afraid to call your neighbors, if you need somethin’, okay?” 

    I nodded.  “Will do.  You don’t need to worry, Sheriff.  Lobo’s here with me, and I always have my cell nearby.”

    “Good.  Well, I’ll be movin’ on now.  I just wanted to check in on you and, again, I’m real sorry for you loss.”  He tilted his head and began to move toward his car.  “We’ll let you know if we learn anything else, Miss Haylee.”

    “Thanks, Sheriff,” I said and gave a small wave.

     He chuckled at my failure to use his given name, shaking his head as he climbed back into his car.

 

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OpheliaWrites wrote 545 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

tricia_d wrote 629 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

Jacoba wrote 635 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

Shelby Z. wrote 223 days ago

Terra Incognita by Heather Riffle
Gripping!
I was pulled into the story from the opener. I like how you made it seem that she was being attacked by a savage animal, but it only turned out to be a fun game with the dog.
The phone call between her an her mom was long and drawn out, but otherwise everything else was gripping. I like how well you set up mystery and curious elements that the reader can't help but wonder what will happen or why is this so important.
Your style is drawing as well as smooth. I found no errors or choppy places at all.
I don't know why I haven't read this before, it is good.
Grand work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Kristen_Undead wrote 251 days ago

Hi Heather,

I think you have a great concept with Terra Incognita. However, I think it could use a little tightening.

I might consider scrapping the first paragraph about Lobo. The way you opened, I was expecting a werewolf or some other sort of hell beast. It would be stronger if you dove right into Bethany's death. I would probably also break Chapter 1 at the point when the Sheriff comes to give that scene a little more impact and make it easier to digest everything we are learning in the beginning of the story.

I read the first three chapters. Are Glenna and Derik the pale ones? Haylee seems to accept these newcomers easily, especially after finding out she had been unconscious. Do her dream sequences have anything to do with them?

I would also check for unnecessary words like "so".

I think you're leading to a great set up and I'm interested to see where this goes!
Kristen
Immortal Dilemma

Julie_Undead wrote 262 days ago

Hi Heather!
I looked at 6 random chapters and was tempted to go back and start in order. The writing is really smooth, and I think you were right on to lower your MC's age...this definitely reads as YA, despite the eff word. :) Certainly a strong storyline, and I love your take on the supernatural... very unique. I believe you're on the right track here, and should absolutely seek out some more reviews to work toward that editor's desk!

--Julie
Running Home

Hannah Kytiryn wrote 370 days ago

I've rated and up you on my watchlist. :)

Chaos Magician Andrea wrote 433 days ago

Heather! This book is absolutely amazing! You had me hooked since page one and I have been unable to deviate my attention long enough to do much else today. When I couldn't be on my computer reading it, I was on my phone soaking it all up! I am absolutely in love with Darik and Haylee and am very anxious to read the rest. I couldn't flip the page fast enough and was shocked when it ended where it did. GREAT story, great characters, great read. I have nothing negative at all to say about this other than that I need more =)

Would be shocked if you didn't get an agent soon with this!

Andrea
A Perception of Dreams

TaniaJohansson wrote 436 days ago

So, I know I have already commented on this book, but I have now read all the way through. It is brilliant. My only problem now is that I cannot read the rest of it!
You are obviously such a talented author and I wish you all the best!!

TaniaJohansson wrote 438 days ago

Where to start? I Loved this book (yes capital L)! It has me completley hooked. I am up to chapter seven and will continue reading. It is so well written. Your dialogue in particular is excellent. The conversations feel completely real and natural.
The premise for the story is so interesting and from the off you built the suspense brilliantly. I found myself neglecting other things to find more time to read your book.
I immediately felt captured by Haylee. Amazing characterization.
To sum this up, I want this book on my bookshelf...my actual bookshelf (and of course on my kindle).
I wish you all the best with this! You deserve success with such a fantastic manuscript!

Oriax wrote 479 days ago

Hello Heather,
This really flows well. The dialogue is convincingly natural. I especially liked Haylee’s conversation with the sheriff. The description just enough to paint the scenery not too much to clutter the story with unecessary detail. You build up the suspense well, with the latch on the gate, the dog being attracted to something Haylee can’t see. Just one thing I thought of, the branch tapping against the window is a bit Wuthering Heights, and there it’s used to explain a dream sound of fingers tapping on the window. Would it be enough to have been woken by Lobo howling?

The end of paragraph six, chapter two is a bit strange:
‘Oddly, I felt drawn to the trail, awed by it somehow, but with this nagging sense of dread pressing up through it. I nearly took a step toward it…’ The sense of dread was pressing up through the trail?

I completely agree about the clown, they are horribly creepy. I like the way you say Haylee dropped the frame as if there had been a spider on it – exactly the right image for the situation.


Haylee certainly behaves like a cool customer, running after the dog into the woods that she has already had uneasy feelings about, in a thunderstorm, alone and leaving the house open behind her. By the time she is attacked by the pale man it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Haylee to be half dead with fear! What seems to me to be missing is emotion. Haylee doesn’t register much fear at all. The same thought struck me a little later on when Glenna explains that Lobo is probably dead. I’d have expected Haylee to be choked up.

Glenna and Derik don’t seem to speak the same language. Glenna is very formal and stiff and speaks English as though it isn’t her first language; Derik talks like a regular kind of guy. Is this a social signal?

Chapter four I liked the description of the roof garden, which seemed a very sensible idea, liked the elements of mystery you introduce, like the lack of children, the lack of rain. But I found the section with the old lady confusing. Haylee blinks and wonders how long she has been staring at the old lady without blinking, she turns to Derik and they start a rather irritable conversation that excludes the old lady altogether. I wondered whether there had been a flash forward and we were no longer in the red room.

I have enjoyed the story so far, you have a good idea and you write very well. The first section in our time, to my mind works better than the chapters set in the future. Partly I think because you need to do a lot of explaining and introduce new characters. We are always being told to drip feed the explanations, only bringing them in when you can’t do otherwise. Big chunks of background tend to crowd out character development; it’s hard to do both at the same time. In chapter 3 Glenna tells Haylee an awful lot, but asks very few questions. Maybe you could balance it up a little and let Haylee discover the strangeness of the place bit by bit for herself.
I’ve given this high stars and I’m leaving it on my watchlist to read on later.
Jane



Julio Guzman wrote 483 days ago

Hi!
Just read your first chapter and I liked it...a lot! The opening to this was simply classic, so dramatic lol. Your writing is so unique and from the way I'm seeing it, flawless. Your storytelling abilities are undeniable and your dialogue is realistic and flows very well. I'm looking forward to reading more of this!

Six stars, good luck!

OpheliaWrites wrote 545 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

R K Alan wrote 545 days ago

Hello, Heather, and thank you for a delightful read. I enjoyed your descriptive narrative as it enlivened the world for me. You have a keen attention to detail. Your dialogue, the banter between mother and daughter seemed genuine and unforced.

I noted an odd bit when she woke from a rumble (thunder I assume) and then reacted to a flash (lightening I presumed). This is out of sequence as lightening precedes thunder.

You set up the tension nicely as she struggled between normalcy, the death of her aunt and the dread that the reader senses around her. Very Hitchcock-like and works well to establish the tension.

Good luck with this and I'll return for more when I have more time. Ray

OpheliaWrites wrote 586 days ago

CH.1

I was drawn to the book by the cover, looking over a friend's shelf, and I am SO GLAD I ventured to read. Chapter one was flawless, engaging, exciting, etc. I love the name Lobo and your little trick at the beginning. It certainly worked! Starred and watchlisted!

DesiS. wrote 590 days ago

I know that a story is good when I get insomnia- in that I am staying up late reading what happens next instead of going to sleep, and am dead tired at work the next day! Where you shine is in your character development. I think the development of mystery around Derik was done especially well. After an initial slow start the pacing was done well.

Some things I was wondering about in the story- I am surprised that when she finds herself in the future Haylee doesn't think more about what she left behind-that all her family/ friends are dead ect. In Chapter 4 I keep wanting her to look for dates on the trophys or dates in the magazines- copy write dates in the books- if she is curious when the pale ones took over it, would seem she would look for these to get a clue about when society as we know it ended.

Editorial issues: Chapter 1(part 1) - "...I'm real sorry for you (your?) loss." Chapter Two- the fraction 3/4 comes up repeatedly- not sure what to make of this unusual typo- computer glitch? Examples- "Right, but 3/4" and " I 3/4 I've 3/4 I just haven't." and "...some other dimension, or 3/4 or something. I 3/4 I don't know." Section 16- "I3/4 I think so," "I'm fine 3/4 fine," and "But this3/4 water is 3/4 pretty 3/4 heavy."
Section 26- "I bulked (balked?),...

I did really enjoy this story and would love to know what happens next. Are you going to post more? 5 stars and backed. Hope this was helpful. Desi.

difloyd wrote 619 days ago

Thanks for supporting my sister, Ellise Weaver, and her book. It means a great deal to both of us. You might want to check out her new cover...I know she would love to know what you think and if you've finished the book. And to say a proper thank you I'll check out your book and give you high marks!

Thanks again,

Diane

tricia_d wrote 629 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

MichelleThuis wrote 631 days ago

ch 1. I feel like in the first section, something should be said about still feeling uneasy. No killer has been caught or found. Isn't she worried it could still be out there? I would be.

See, you are doing a good job of freaking me out. Especially in that second section. But it would feel more realistic if she were scared too. Characters in horror scenes are so often so oblivious to the fact that if they were a real human being, they'd be freaked out too. They just happy go lucky go check the window, etc. And never think about possible killer people/beasts/something still out there. :)

Enjoying this so far. Good writing. I don't like the 'so' at the beginning of the 'so, arms shaking' sentence in the first paragraph. It seems like it might be better without the so. However, I'm not sure about that.

Ok, at least now she's got some fear. Seems a little late though.

You seem to start quite a few sentences with 'so'. I think it might be a bad thing.

Her thought when her mom gets off the phone is too harsh. "Well, I should get going," as though nothing significant said. Why should she say good bye any other way? :)

Ok, if my aunt died a bloody death and I was in a home alone, my natural reaction would not be to take strange opening and closing gates and think I was over-reacting. My reaction would be, "Holy crap. I might be over-reacting, but I just went through a bad situation, so I'm ok with the fact that I am over-reacting. Seems natural. I am NOT sleeping here alone tonight. Even if it's silly. I'm just not."

If something came into the yard and the dog was outside, how did they not fight? Just a thought.

And really, I'm enjoying the writing and the story. But I feel like you're doing the usual, "Make my character dumber for the sake of the plot" mistake. I'd be freaked out if I were her. I'd be over-reacting, not under-reacting. Just a thought.

MichelleThuis wrote 631 days ago

ch 1. I love the opening sentence. So nonchalant. I really love it. I'll read more soon. :)

Heather Riffle wrote 635 days ago

Hi, Jacoba!

Thank you very much for you comment! Of course, I would love and appreciate any further feedback you have that might better my book, so feel free to message them through. As soon as I have done a little editing to the next few chapters, I'll post them and let you know. I hope they live up to your feelings thus far. Again, thank you, and I can hardly wait to hear what else you have to say! I really appreciate that you took the time to read Terra Incognita and comment.

Heather

Jacoba wrote 635 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

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