Book Jacket

 

rank 504
word count 92398
date submitted 21.08.2011
date updated 25.08.2012
genres: Romance, Fantasy, Horror, Young Adu...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Terra Incognita

Heather Riffle

A girl must survive a future ruled by the "Pale Ones," while discovering love, friendship and a fate greater than she could ever believe possible.

 

Seventeen-year old Haylee Wells thought her mother pressuring her to choose a college was her only problem. But between her aunt’s death and a wraithlike creature attacking, she suddenly has much more to handle. When she finds herself in a post-apocalyptic future where these creatures reign and can kill with a single touch, she takes refuge with a group of humans who have their own special abilities. She needs to find her way home. But the connection she shares with Derik – the duty-bound protector of the group – and her own developing abilities complicate things further. If she fails to realize the power within herself, she risks becoming a slave to the Pale Ones and never returning home.

A YA post-apocalyptic paranormal with romantic elements, TERRA INCOGNITA will introduce readers to a new supernatural creature and immerse them in a world where humans must fight daily to survive.

Complete at 104,000 words.

 
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adventure, fantasy, future, romance, self-discovery, supernatural

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Chapter Three

 

    “What do you mean, ‘another time’?” Derik all but shouted.  Then he threw his hand up to signal a stop, and I saw him compose himself.  Just barely.  He took a deep breath and lowered his hand.  “What does that mean?”

    Though I wanted to ask the same question, I managed only to deepen my frown.

    But the woman answered him, “It means exactly what it sounds like.  She traveled through time to get here.  From the past, I believe.  How far, I am not sure.  But it was no accident, I am quite certain.”  She looked at me thoughtfully.  “Something that seems completely common to us, would be tremendously frightening to someone who had never even heard of these creatures before, let alone experienced such an attack.  To come from a world where they do not yet exist is extraordinary.  But what is more amazing to me is one of them traveling to your time.  Why would they do that?”  She paused.  “You were fortunate to have such a heroic protector, Little Haylee.  Otherwise, I fear you would not be here now.”

    Those words finally broke my silence.  “You know so much.  What about him?  Did he survive?  Do you know?”

    The woman lowered her eyes for a moment.  “Alas, I cannot see that... I saw only what you have seen.  I am sorry.”  She met my eyes.

    I nodded and looked off to one side, blinking tears away.  When I was certain they would not fall, I gave a sniffle, and asked, “How do you know all you do?  Glenna’s been by my side since I woke up.  She didn’t know all the details before that.”

    The woman looked at me a little sheepishly then.  “I do apologize.  For time’s sake, I got all of this information when you were first seated before me.  I broke through your mind’s defenses.  Which wasn’t very hard, by the way.  You really need to work on that, but we can figure it out another time.  In any case, it seemed a mere second or two for you, when it was really a tiny bit longer.  I simply looked through your memories, found what I needed, and retained them as if they were my own.  Once again, I apologize, but it was much quicker than having you tell me your story.”

    “It felt as if my eyes had gone a little too long between blinks,” I replied.  “But, yes, it had felt like just a second had passed.”  I paused, before adding, “I really don’t like the idea of someone fishing around in my head, but I guess I do understand in this situation.”  Though I still did not know just how to feel about it, I did have the strange knowledge I could trust this old woman.  And somehow, at the same time, I knew I could trust Derik, and the rest of the group in general.  I took a deep breath. “Okay, so I traveled through time, into the future.  But how?” I asked.

    Derik interrupted, “It’s that easy? You just believe.  Just like that?”  I saw anger in his face, anger mixed with some other emotion I could not place. “Are you that naïve?!  Will you believe anything?!  I can’t be” He stopped himself.

    I took the chance to interject.  “No.  Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t believe, couldn’t believe it.  But these aren’t normal circumstances.  This is just fucking messed up, that‘s what this is.  I’m sorry,” I said to the woman, who simply bowed her head.  “But, also, it feels right,” I turned toward him, my hands pressing against my stomach.  “And, somehow, I know it is.”  I stared into his eyes, and he blinked down at me.

    He turned, raking his fingers through his hair, and groaned.  He pulled his hands down over his face, and I vaguely heard a string of obscenities.  Then he swung back around, dropped his hands to his sides, and sighed forcefully.  “Fine,” he said, not looking at anyone in particular.

    I could feel how wide my eyes had gotten and tried to look less shocked.  Not sure if I had succeeded, I asked, “Fine, what?”

    He shifted all his weight to one foot, placing his hands on his narrow hips (oh, I really needed to stop that).  Turning toward me, he held up three fingers.  “I figure I have three choices.  One, you’re crazy,” he pointed at me, “and she’s crazy.”  He gestured toward the other woman.  “Two.  You’re not crazy, just a little confused.  She’s completely bogus and now has you confused but convinced.”  He paused, considering.

    I leaned toward him.  “And three?”

    He sighed, dropped his arms once more, and looked me straight in the eyes.  “Three.  Neither one of you is crazy, and she’s not a fake.  Three, it’s all true, and I have no choice but to go along with this unbelievable idea.”

    His eyes were still on mine, and I asked, “And which one is it?  Do you believe?” 

    He studied me for a moment, then looked up toward the ceiling.  “God help me, I do,” he said, the frustration evident in his voice. 

    I smiled.  I don’t know why his believing meant so much, but it did.  So I sat back in my chair, afraid to look at him, and tried to face the older woman. 

“That was much easier than I expected it to be,” she said, a surprised smile on her face.

    “Don’t push it,” he replied, and, though the words themselves were grumpy, the voice was much lighter than it had been.  “So what now?  Is there more?”

    “Yes.  Now we answer any questions our little Haylee may have and tell her everything there is to tell about the world today.  After that, I have a few concerns of my own.  You do have questions, do you not?”

    I nodded.  “How?  How was the time-travel possible?  I mean, I have so many questions running through my head right now… I have to ask myself where to start.  The beginning makes sense.  I already know some about the, uh, the Pale Ones, but how did one get to my time?  Why was he there?  There was no one else around… He couldn’t have been after me.  So, why then and – Oh, God.”  My hands had gone to my mouth, and I sat for a moment in silence.  “Aunt Bethany,” I said, in a very small voice.  I could feel the tears forming and tried to blink them away again.  One escaped, and I wiped the back of my hand across my cheek.   I swallowed hard, before speaking, “It killed her, didn’t it?”

    The woman’s face tightened with sadness for me, “I believe so, yes.”

    “Why?”

    “I am not certain.  It seems only reasonable to assume they were after something in particular.  And, based on what I have seen through your memories, I believe they were after someone.  You,” she said, solemnly. 

    “Me?”  I sat there for a few moments, thinking.  Then I realized, “This whole thing is my fault?  She died because of me?”  I didn’t know what to say after that.  I simply sank further into the large chair.

    “No.  It’s not your fault,” I was surprised to hear Derik’s voice, to hear him defend me.  He went on, “If they came for you.  And, come on, that’s a pretty big ‘if.’  If they did come for you, that wouldn’t be your fault, but theirs.  They made the decision, not you.  They, and they alone, are to blame.”  He crouched down by my chair.  “Do you understand?”

    I slowly turned to him, eyes level with his shoulders, then moved them up to meet his.  I stared into them for a second, before nodding.

    Then he continued to surprise me.  His mouth turned up just the tiniest bit, but I could see a smile.  He actually smiled at me.  “Good,” he said.  He stared back at me for another moment, then frowned a little. He looked away and cleared his throat.  “Now, you must have more questions.  So, get on with it.”  He had sounded not harsh, but almost breathless. 

    I looked down at my hands, realizing I was rubbing them together nervously.  “Um,” I said, trying to think, for I was suddenly having a hard time doing so.  “I, uh, already know a bit about how people have developed abilities in order to fight the Pale Ones, or at least survive.  That every ability is unique, for the most part.  Um, but where did they come from?  The Pale Ones, I mean.”  I looked back and forth between the two of them.  Neither looked at me.  I heard the woman sigh and looked back to her. 

“There remains the mystery.  We are not certain of their origin or exactly when they came to be.  Mostly because the so-called experts are so divided on the issue.  Many believe they are originally from another planet, others think they were always here, just hidden somewhere.  The ones who believe in the planet theory, think they must have run out of resources in their own world and come here to colonize.  The other theory, which is what they themselves claim, suggests they have been feeding off of us for centuries, and until more recently they were too few to worry about.  However, they grew too numerous to remain in hiding, came out into the open, and tried to overthrow us.  Of course, they did not count on evolution.  As their numbers rose, our abilities did.”  She paused.  “I’m not sure which theory is the truth, or if either of them are.  Hardly anyone lives to tell of their encounters with them,” she looked at Derik, “do they?”  He simply shook his head.  “And they do kill nearly everyone they come across.”  She looked back at me.  “You have a question?”

    I had been wanting to interject for some time.  “Yes, sorry.  You mentioned they feed off of us?  What did you mean by that?  You don’t mean blood, do you?  They aren’t vampires, are they?  I mean, vampires don’t exist, right?“  Then, more to myself, “God, what am I saying.  If these things exist, why couldn’t vampires, and why couldn’t they be vampires?”

    “Blood, no.  But still they feed on us, so they are very much like the vampire of myth.  Perhaps the myth comes from them, I do not know.  But they live off the life of others.  They themselves are very much alive but only because they sustain themselves on our life force, our essence, so to speak.  They drain us of life, and we cease to be.  They do it through a touch, skin to skin, and it can be quick or long and drawn-out.  Quickly is often better, for it is less painful.  They have abilities comparable to our own, except each one of them has the same abilities.  They take life from life and can give a small portion of it to inanimate objects.  These objects, a rock or piece of scrap metal for instance, will take on life and look just like the creature they wish it to be.  It is always a deadly animal.  Sometimes a venomous snake or spider, other times a scorpion, or something else.  Never are they large, like a bear or cat, always small but fatal.”  She paused.

    “So, they all have the exact same abilities, as if they were the same person?  Or organism, or something?” I asked.

    “Or something,” Derik said, shortly.  At some point, he had moved to another part of the room, into complete darkness.  But I was imagining him leaning up against the wall or some piece of furniture, arms folded across his chest.  “And I don’t think you’re far off on the whole vampire thing.  No pointy canines used to suck the blood of their prey, no red eyes, no coming back from the dead, that sort of thing.  But…”

    “But pretty damn close, right?”

    I felt him move, push himself away from that wall, or whatever.  “Well, they might as well be called vampires.  They are demons, of a sort.”  I felt him raise his eyebrows.  Wait, how could I do that?  He was circling around the room, almost pacing.  Is he nervous?  He suddenly stood still.  “You were going to ask what their other abilities are?”

    I blinked and looked around, trying to pinpoint his location.  His demeanor had changed as suddenly as he had stopped moving.  I felt disoriented for a moment, then said, “Uh, yeah.  There are others, then?”  I was having trouble focusing.

    The woman answered, “Yes.  They have several other strengths.  For one, they can sense when another of their kind is near.  We aren’t sure if it is through scent or some sort of psychic connection, or something else entirely.  And when one is isolated from the others for some time, they have an uncontrollable reaction when another comes near.  The younger ones have much less control over this, while a few of the older seem able to control it completely.  Oh, and you’ve seen how big they are.  They could give our Derik here a run for his money, and have often enough.  Derik’s the one with the most experience with them, in fact.  Everything we know about their abilities, we have learned from him.  He has been invaluable.”  She smiled over my head. 

    I turned to see Derik standing a few feet behind me.  He could not have been there when he last spoke.  “I gotta hand it to you.  You’re kinda sneaky,” I said, dryly.  I felt slightly irritated with him, but did not know why.  “I’m sorry, but is there another chair in here?  He’s making me a little uneasy.  He’s already so much bigger than me and now he’s all hidin’-in-the-shadows, and whatnot.  Just a bit unnerving, what with him talking, and me not being able to see who’s talking, then him slinking up behind me.  It’s just a tad…” I shuddered a little for emphasis.

    I heard a scraping sound, then a clatter, and a chair knocked against mine.  He slumped down into it, smiled, and said, “I don’t slink.”  He was grinning, when he turned to the woman.

    I looked at her, and she too seemed amused, though by what I was unsure.  She cleared her throat, “Anyway, their other strengths are slightly less impressive.  Just everyday kind of abilities, really.  Above average physical strength, sense of smell, eyesight, that sort of thing.  They can see better in the dark than we can, but their eyes are sensitive to bright light.  Which, of course, is one of the reasons you are far more likely to be attacked during the night than by day.”  She paused again.  “Hm.  Anything else, related to the Pale Ones?”

    “Well, you said they feed on our life-force.  What does that mean exactly?  Our spirit, our energy?  Our souls?”  I was shaking my head almost indiscernibly.  “And is that all they need to survive?  They don’t eat anything?  Food?  Or drink anything?  I guess I don’t completely understand.”

    Derik adjusted in his seat, and said, “Whatever it is that keeps humans alive, whatever it is keeping them here and coming back.  That is what they feed on.  It is an energy, whether derived from food or innate, or both.  No one knows for sure about the spirit or soul.  That’s one of the many reasons they are so feared.  Humans are afraid they are capable of taking their souls, capturing them.  They think maybe they were sent here as punishment from God.  The unworthy are fed upon and sent to hell, one way or another.  Others believe God sent them as a test of faith, or simply believe they are another way of trying mankind’s survival skills, or they’re nature’s way of weeding out the population.  Which I must say, if that’s the case, it’s worked quite well,” he said, sardonically.

    “And is that what you believe?” I asked him.

    “You want to know what I believe?”  He raised his eyebrows at me.  “I believe it doesn’t really matter why they’re here, just that they are, and that they only live to kill, to feed, and because they feed.  And they enjoy it.”

    “I kind of got that feeling myself.  Not just that they enjoy the kill, but the hunt, and the fight, as well.  They also seem to enjoy stalking… making you scared before you really even know they’re there….” I was getting lost in the memory of the thing in the woods.  The cold… the chase.  The fear…

    “Stop that.”  I glanced toward the voice and saw two dots of light reflected back at me. 

I started, and the shine disappeared as I blinked my eyes.  Squeezing them shut, I shook my head.  When I opened them, he was staring back at me.  “What?” I asked, realizing I sounded as though I had just been running. 

     He frowned at me and seemed at a loss for words.  “Uh, I… I just said to stop.  You can’t… be doing that.”  He seemed to regain his ability to put thoughts together, and said, “You were slipping away into your mind somewhere.  Reliving the other night, I suspect.  Don’t.”  He turned away.

    Dazed, I simply sat there, staring at the side of his head.  My eyes slowly trailed down to where our two chairs met, and I could feel the crease forming in my forehead.  He must be right.  It did feel as though I had been reverting back to that night.  And that would certainly explain why I had seen the same animal eye shine after I heard him speak.  I must have been visualizing that thing as I looked up at him.  He had helped me clear my head… But why had he seemed angry with me?  I was feeling very tired, and I rubbed my eyes, as I turned around in my chair. 

    “Perhaps we should finish this discussion another time,” the woman said.  I had nearly forgotten she was there.  “You must be exhausted.  The words alone would make a person weary.  Of course, I would like to speak with you again.  Would tomorrow be to your liking?”

    After a bit of a delay, I nodded.  The woman rose, indicating for us to do the same.  Derik scraped his chair on the floor, and I heard him moving it back to another corner of the room, as I stood. 

    “Thank you both for seeing me,” she said, pleasantly.

    I blinked up at her.  “Oh.  No, thank you,” and I stared at her for another moment.

    “Are you coming?” Derik’s impatient voice came from behind me.

    Blinking once more to clear my head, I turned, “Mm-hmm.”  He was already opening the door, and I had to shield my eyes from the light.  As I reached him, I remembered, “Oh!  I’m sorry… I forgot to ask your name,” and turned back.

    The woman smiled brightly.  “Sabella.”

    Sabella.  That seems right… Derik cleared his throat loudly, and I turned to see him walking through the door.  Again, I glanced back.  Sabella blew out a candle just as Derik stepped over the threshold.  I was still looking over my shoulder, as I half-stumbled out the door.  It swung shut before I could see her blow out the second one.

    For a moment, I stood close to the door, an eternity of red before my eyes.

    I turned to see a number of people rushing to look busy and Derik disappearing down the stairwell to my right.  Glenna was smiling down at me, “So?  All is well, I hope… Your questions have been answered?”

    “Most have, yes,” I replied, “though I have many more.”

    We began walking.  “Understandably,” she said, soothingly.  Everything she said was soothing.  I yawned, and she replied, “Yes, you must be exhausted, indeed.  I will take you back to your room.  If you like, that is?” 

    I was still in a bit of a daze but realized she was looking at me.  “Oh… yes.  That sounds good.”  Why am I so tired?

    Glenna led the way to a room toward the other end of the hall, the one in which I had awoken.  “Go ahead and sleep for awhile.  You’ve been through quite an ordeal.  I have a few things I need to tend to, so just think of this place as your home,” she said, pushing the door open. 

    I paused before continuing through.  “Thank you,” I said.

    She smiled, “You are very welcome,” and placed her hand on my cheek before turning to go. 

    Closing the door behind me, I found my cot, afraid of taking someone else’s.  I lay there for several minutes, my mind reeling, despite my weariness.  Was I dreaming?  Would I still be in this place when I woke up?  If so, was I going crazy?  I mean, could I really rule that out?  And if I wasn’t crazy, then what in the world was going on?  How could I possibly go to sleep?!  I thought, as I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

 

Chapters

5

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OpheliaWrites wrote 550 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

tricia_d wrote 635 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

Jacoba wrote 641 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

Shelby Z. wrote 228 days ago

Terra Incognita by Heather Riffle
Gripping!
I was pulled into the story from the opener. I like how you made it seem that she was being attacked by a savage animal, but it only turned out to be a fun game with the dog.
The phone call between her an her mom was long and drawn out, but otherwise everything else was gripping. I like how well you set up mystery and curious elements that the reader can't help but wonder what will happen or why is this so important.
Your style is drawing as well as smooth. I found no errors or choppy places at all.
I don't know why I haven't read this before, it is good.
Grand work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Kristen_Undead wrote 256 days ago

Hi Heather,

I think you have a great concept with Terra Incognita. However, I think it could use a little tightening.

I might consider scrapping the first paragraph about Lobo. The way you opened, I was expecting a werewolf or some other sort of hell beast. It would be stronger if you dove right into Bethany's death. I would probably also break Chapter 1 at the point when the Sheriff comes to give that scene a little more impact and make it easier to digest everything we are learning in the beginning of the story.

I read the first three chapters. Are Glenna and Derik the pale ones? Haylee seems to accept these newcomers easily, especially after finding out she had been unconscious. Do her dream sequences have anything to do with them?

I would also check for unnecessary words like "so".

I think you're leading to a great set up and I'm interested to see where this goes!
Kristen
Immortal Dilemma

Julie_Undead wrote 267 days ago

Hi Heather!
I looked at 6 random chapters and was tempted to go back and start in order. The writing is really smooth, and I think you were right on to lower your MC's age...this definitely reads as YA, despite the eff word. :) Certainly a strong storyline, and I love your take on the supernatural... very unique. I believe you're on the right track here, and should absolutely seek out some more reviews to work toward that editor's desk!

--Julie
Running Home

Hannah Kytiryn wrote 375 days ago

I've rated and up you on my watchlist. :)

Chaos Magician Andrea wrote 438 days ago

Heather! This book is absolutely amazing! You had me hooked since page one and I have been unable to deviate my attention long enough to do much else today. When I couldn't be on my computer reading it, I was on my phone soaking it all up! I am absolutely in love with Darik and Haylee and am very anxious to read the rest. I couldn't flip the page fast enough and was shocked when it ended where it did. GREAT story, great characters, great read. I have nothing negative at all to say about this other than that I need more =)

Would be shocked if you didn't get an agent soon with this!

Andrea
A Perception of Dreams

TaniaJohansson wrote 441 days ago

So, I know I have already commented on this book, but I have now read all the way through. It is brilliant. My only problem now is that I cannot read the rest of it!
You are obviously such a talented author and I wish you all the best!!

TaniaJohansson wrote 443 days ago

Where to start? I Loved this book (yes capital L)! It has me completley hooked. I am up to chapter seven and will continue reading. It is so well written. Your dialogue in particular is excellent. The conversations feel completely real and natural.
The premise for the story is so interesting and from the off you built the suspense brilliantly. I found myself neglecting other things to find more time to read your book.
I immediately felt captured by Haylee. Amazing characterization.
To sum this up, I want this book on my bookshelf...my actual bookshelf (and of course on my kindle).
I wish you all the best with this! You deserve success with such a fantastic manuscript!

Oriax wrote 484 days ago

Hello Heather,
This really flows well. The dialogue is convincingly natural. I especially liked Haylee’s conversation with the sheriff. The description just enough to paint the scenery not too much to clutter the story with unecessary detail. You build up the suspense well, with the latch on the gate, the dog being attracted to something Haylee can’t see. Just one thing I thought of, the branch tapping against the window is a bit Wuthering Heights, and there it’s used to explain a dream sound of fingers tapping on the window. Would it be enough to have been woken by Lobo howling?

The end of paragraph six, chapter two is a bit strange:
‘Oddly, I felt drawn to the trail, awed by it somehow, but with this nagging sense of dread pressing up through it. I nearly took a step toward it…’ The sense of dread was pressing up through the trail?

I completely agree about the clown, they are horribly creepy. I like the way you say Haylee dropped the frame as if there had been a spider on it – exactly the right image for the situation.


Haylee certainly behaves like a cool customer, running after the dog into the woods that she has already had uneasy feelings about, in a thunderstorm, alone and leaving the house open behind her. By the time she is attacked by the pale man it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Haylee to be half dead with fear! What seems to me to be missing is emotion. Haylee doesn’t register much fear at all. The same thought struck me a little later on when Glenna explains that Lobo is probably dead. I’d have expected Haylee to be choked up.

Glenna and Derik don’t seem to speak the same language. Glenna is very formal and stiff and speaks English as though it isn’t her first language; Derik talks like a regular kind of guy. Is this a social signal?

Chapter four I liked the description of the roof garden, which seemed a very sensible idea, liked the elements of mystery you introduce, like the lack of children, the lack of rain. But I found the section with the old lady confusing. Haylee blinks and wonders how long she has been staring at the old lady without blinking, she turns to Derik and they start a rather irritable conversation that excludes the old lady altogether. I wondered whether there had been a flash forward and we were no longer in the red room.

I have enjoyed the story so far, you have a good idea and you write very well. The first section in our time, to my mind works better than the chapters set in the future. Partly I think because you need to do a lot of explaining and introduce new characters. We are always being told to drip feed the explanations, only bringing them in when you can’t do otherwise. Big chunks of background tend to crowd out character development; it’s hard to do both at the same time. In chapter 3 Glenna tells Haylee an awful lot, but asks very few questions. Maybe you could balance it up a little and let Haylee discover the strangeness of the place bit by bit for herself.
I’ve given this high stars and I’m leaving it on my watchlist to read on later.
Jane



Julio Guzman wrote 488 days ago

Hi!
Just read your first chapter and I liked it...a lot! The opening to this was simply classic, so dramatic lol. Your writing is so unique and from the way I'm seeing it, flawless. Your storytelling abilities are undeniable and your dialogue is realistic and flows very well. I'm looking forward to reading more of this!

Six stars, good luck!

OpheliaWrites wrote 550 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

R K Alan wrote 550 days ago

Hello, Heather, and thank you for a delightful read. I enjoyed your descriptive narrative as it enlivened the world for me. You have a keen attention to detail. Your dialogue, the banter between mother and daughter seemed genuine and unforced.

I noted an odd bit when she woke from a rumble (thunder I assume) and then reacted to a flash (lightening I presumed). This is out of sequence as lightening precedes thunder.

You set up the tension nicely as she struggled between normalcy, the death of her aunt and the dread that the reader senses around her. Very Hitchcock-like and works well to establish the tension.

Good luck with this and I'll return for more when I have more time. Ray

OpheliaWrites wrote 591 days ago

CH.1

I was drawn to the book by the cover, looking over a friend's shelf, and I am SO GLAD I ventured to read. Chapter one was flawless, engaging, exciting, etc. I love the name Lobo and your little trick at the beginning. It certainly worked! Starred and watchlisted!

DesiS. wrote 595 days ago

I know that a story is good when I get insomnia- in that I am staying up late reading what happens next instead of going to sleep, and am dead tired at work the next day! Where you shine is in your character development. I think the development of mystery around Derik was done especially well. After an initial slow start the pacing was done well.

Some things I was wondering about in the story- I am surprised that when she finds herself in the future Haylee doesn't think more about what she left behind-that all her family/ friends are dead ect. In Chapter 4 I keep wanting her to look for dates on the trophys or dates in the magazines- copy write dates in the books- if she is curious when the pale ones took over it, would seem she would look for these to get a clue about when society as we know it ended.

Editorial issues: Chapter 1(part 1) - "...I'm real sorry for you (your?) loss." Chapter Two- the fraction 3/4 comes up repeatedly- not sure what to make of this unusual typo- computer glitch? Examples- "Right, but 3/4" and " I 3/4 I've 3/4 I just haven't." and "...some other dimension, or 3/4 or something. I 3/4 I don't know." Section 16- "I3/4 I think so," "I'm fine 3/4 fine," and "But this3/4 water is 3/4 pretty 3/4 heavy."
Section 26- "I bulked (balked?),...

I did really enjoy this story and would love to know what happens next. Are you going to post more? 5 stars and backed. Hope this was helpful. Desi.

difloyd wrote 625 days ago

Thanks for supporting my sister, Ellise Weaver, and her book. It means a great deal to both of us. You might want to check out her new cover...I know she would love to know what you think and if you've finished the book. And to say a proper thank you I'll check out your book and give you high marks!

Thanks again,

Diane

tricia_d wrote 635 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

MichelleThuis wrote 636 days ago

ch 1. I feel like in the first section, something should be said about still feeling uneasy. No killer has been caught or found. Isn't she worried it could still be out there? I would be.

See, you are doing a good job of freaking me out. Especially in that second section. But it would feel more realistic if she were scared too. Characters in horror scenes are so often so oblivious to the fact that if they were a real human being, they'd be freaked out too. They just happy go lucky go check the window, etc. And never think about possible killer people/beasts/something still out there. :)

Enjoying this so far. Good writing. I don't like the 'so' at the beginning of the 'so, arms shaking' sentence in the first paragraph. It seems like it might be better without the so. However, I'm not sure about that.

Ok, at least now she's got some fear. Seems a little late though.

You seem to start quite a few sentences with 'so'. I think it might be a bad thing.

Her thought when her mom gets off the phone is too harsh. "Well, I should get going," as though nothing significant said. Why should she say good bye any other way? :)

Ok, if my aunt died a bloody death and I was in a home alone, my natural reaction would not be to take strange opening and closing gates and think I was over-reacting. My reaction would be, "Holy crap. I might be over-reacting, but I just went through a bad situation, so I'm ok with the fact that I am over-reacting. Seems natural. I am NOT sleeping here alone tonight. Even if it's silly. I'm just not."

If something came into the yard and the dog was outside, how did they not fight? Just a thought.

And really, I'm enjoying the writing and the story. But I feel like you're doing the usual, "Make my character dumber for the sake of the plot" mistake. I'd be freaked out if I were her. I'd be over-reacting, not under-reacting. Just a thought.

MichelleThuis wrote 637 days ago

ch 1. I love the opening sentence. So nonchalant. I really love it. I'll read more soon. :)

Heather Riffle wrote 641 days ago

Hi, Jacoba!

Thank you very much for you comment! Of course, I would love and appreciate any further feedback you have that might better my book, so feel free to message them through. As soon as I have done a little editing to the next few chapters, I'll post them and let you know. I hope they live up to your feelings thus far. Again, thank you, and I can hardly wait to hear what else you have to say! I really appreciate that you took the time to read Terra Incognita and comment.

Heather

Jacoba wrote 641 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

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