Book Jacket

 

rank 500
word count 92398
date submitted 21.08.2011
date updated 25.08.2012
genres: Romance, Fantasy, Horror, Young Adu...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Terra Incognita

Heather Riffle

A girl must survive a future ruled by the "Pale Ones," while discovering love, friendship and a fate greater than she could ever believe possible.

 

Seventeen-year old Haylee Wells thought her mother pressuring her to choose a college was her only problem. But between her aunt’s death and a wraithlike creature attacking, she suddenly has much more to handle. When she finds herself in a post-apocalyptic future where these creatures reign and can kill with a single touch, she takes refuge with a group of humans who have their own special abilities. She needs to find her way home. But the connection she shares with Derik – the duty-bound protector of the group – and her own developing abilities complicate things further. If she fails to realize the power within herself, she risks becoming a slave to the Pale Ones and never returning home.

A YA post-apocalyptic paranormal with romantic elements, TERRA INCOGNITA will introduce readers to a new supernatural creature and immerse them in a world where humans must fight daily to survive.

Complete at 104,000 words.

 
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adventure, fantasy, future, romance, self-discovery, supernatural

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Chapters

6

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*    *    *

 

    This time I awoke to nearly complete darkness.  Where was I?  Was it a dream?  A terrible wonderful dream…  No.  I knew it wasn’t.  I could feel the cot under me and, when I held my breath, I could hear the breathing of those sleeping around me.  There were more people in the room than before and, judging by the absence of light coming through the windows, night must have fallen.  I glanced around the room and saw the only light was flickering from a candle at the far wall.  I stared at it for a moment, before looking toward the blackened, dingy windows.  Curiosity suddenly overtook me, and I stood and made my way to the candle.  Picking it up and shielding the flame, I walked to the nearest window.  Without thinking, I used my free hand to wipe at a pane.  All at once, I felt a presence at my side, a puff of air sent the flame flickering, and it was out.  Then a pair of hands pulled me away from the glass.

    “What are you doing?  Trying to make a target of yourself?” Derik whispered harshly in my ear.

    I blinked, “Wha – a target?  No, I – ”

    “That’s exactly what you nearly did.”  He gave me the barest of shakes and nodded toward the window.  “Go ahead.  Look.  Tell me what you see.”  He loosened his grip.

    I tried to make out his face, but my eyes weren’t yet used to being without the candlelight.  So, I did as he asked.  At first, I couldn’t decipher the dark shapes against the darker ones but, as my eyes adjusted, I began to see what seemed to be movement.  “Is—is that someone out there?” I asked, my fingertip pressed against the glass.  I looked up at him and could now make out some of his more prominent features.

    “Yeah.  Someone or something.  Depends on your point-of-view really.    For some reason, they’re showing a lot more interest in this place tonight.  I wonder why?”  He looked at me speculatively.

    I turned my attention back to the darkness outside but saw nothing this time.  “Because of me?”

    “That’s the general consensus, yes.”

    “How long have they been out there?”

    “I saw the first one around dusk, the rest of the watch has been noticing them here and there for the past hour.”

    A question came to mind.  “How long has it been since dusk?”

    I saw one corner of his mouth lift.  “About three and a half hours ago.”  His eyes shone with something akin to appreciation, which only confused me more.

    “Is it something we should worry about?”   

    “Not at the moment.  It’s unusual for there to be this many but we normally will see a few, mostly at night.  They like to cause as much trouble as possible but they won’t try anything tonight.”  He set the candle in its place.

    “Um.  How many are there?”

    “I’ve counted twenty-six so far,” he said, seriously.

    I felt my eyes go wide, was suddenly very conscious of the window now behind me, and moved to follow him.  I was almost certain I heard him chuckle.

    “Are you hungry?” he asked.

    The change of subject threw me off, but then again everything about this man did.  “Uh… yeah.”  And I realized I was indeed hungry.  “Very much so.”

    “Alright, I’ll walk you down.”  The look he gave me was almost warm, as he held the door open for me.

    A few candles lit the deserted hall.  “We tend to move around upstairs more during the day.  At night, we’re more watchful, so people tend to stay in designated areas,” he explained.

    “Uh, if you have some place you’re supposed to be or something, you don’t have to walk me.  I remember the way.” I said this with my eyes on the floor.

    “Would you rather walk alone?”  He stopped.

    “I – No, I…” I was flabbergasted.  I looked at him.  “I just meant…” I looked around desperately.

    “I was about to turn in.  I’m caught up on most of my work, but my sleep schedule is a little off.  I don’t normally like to sleep at night…” he hesitated, as he began walking again, “just in case.  But I’m not especially worried tonight, like I said.  However, you’re obviously worked up about our uninvited guests and wouldn’t want to walk alone… Right?”

    “Uh…” was all I got out, when he suddenly stopped again.  We were now at the top of the dark stairwell.

    “You’re not afraid of me, are you?”  His voice hid any emotion.  So I had no way of knowing if the thought upset him or if he actually preferred that I be afraid.

    I stared into the dark stairway, unexpectedly anxious.  He most certainly intimidated me, but was I afraid of him?  I think I was more afraid of how he made me feel when I was around him.  That, combined with the darkness of my immediate surroundings.  Were there no candles on the stairs? Of course I didn’t want to say any of this aloud, so instead I asked, “Should I be?” and finally looked at him.

    He stared back for a moment, unflinchingly.  “Maybe,” was all he said and continued down the stairs.

    Maybe? I stood dumbfounded for a moment, then shrugged it off as his version of a joke, and trustingly followed him into the darkness.

    He stopped in the doorway of the cafeteria.  “This would be my stop.  Can you handle this on your own?”  Suddenly, he seemed more himself. 

    “You’re not eating?” I asked as I glanced nervously around the room.  It was nearly as crowded as during the day.  I thought I recognized a face or two from earlier but the rest were all new.  And one of those new faces was staring back at me, or us.  I couldn’t be absolutely sure, but she didn’t look happy.  Like nearly all of them, she was tall, with a dark complexion.  However, unlike the rest, her hair was cropped short and slicked back somehow.  She was striking, might even have been beautiful if not for the expression on her face.   She stood by a group of other men and women, a hand on her hip. 

    “Like I said, I need to get some sleep.”  He seemed to catch sight of the young woman across the room.  “First, I think I’ll make another round, do another count,” he said, distractedly.  He turned abruptly back to the hall.  “Make sure someone walks you back.”  And he was gone.

    He left me standing there feeling like an idiot.  Again.  Then, laughter from the other side of the room caught my attention.   The woman had returned her interest to the group.  “Yeah, maybe we should just throw her to them,” she said, and several laughed with her.  Others, seeing me standing there, feigned a serious fascination with their meals.  Not knowing how to react, I pretended not to hear.  Was she talking about me?  I mean, who else would she be talking about?  I made my way to the food line, acting as normal as a girl can once she’s found herself in a strange world full of the stuff of dreams.  And not all the good stuff, either.

    Once I had my bowl, I looked around for a place to sit.  No one met my eyes, and as I chose an empty spot, the people sitting nearby were puzzlingly finished with their food.  I found myself alone at an empty table.  So, I sat and began eating.  I was hungry but found the food had little flavor.  Now, either the food actually had little flavor, or it was just me.  I don’t know.  I was pondering this quandary when someone near me cleared their throat.  I looked up hesitantly. 

Before me, stood a young man and woman.  How young, I was unsure.  They were much smaller than most of the others but still slightly bigger than me.  “Hi,” said the young man.  “Would you mind if we sat here?  With you, I mean?”

I knew my mouth hung open for a moment before I answered.  “Uh, no.  I mean sure.”  I let out a nervous laugh.  “Yes. Sit. Please.”  The two of them sat across from me, smiles on their faces. 

“I’m Merritt,” he said, giving me his hand.  “And this is Karroll,” he indicated to the young woman.  She gave a small wave.

I smiled and said, “It’s nice to meet you both.  Um.  My name’s Haylee.”

“We know,” said Karroll, as she scooped food into her mouth.

    “You looked like you could use a friend, and,” he paused with a sheepish look, “I admit we were a bit curious.”

    “Yeah… I guess you’d have to be…” I said not knowing what else to say.  I glanced around again and caught the eyes of the woman across the room.  She didn’t look down, which meant I had to.  I stared at the table.  “Um.  Who is she?” nodding in her direction.

Merritt turned, quickly surveying the room.  “Oh.  You mean Nate.  Yeah… she’s been with us for a little while now.  What, a couple years?” He glanced at Karroll.  She nodded, and he went on.  “Yeah.  She and Derik are together.  Look’s like they’re mates.  Like me and Kar, here.”  He smiled big.  “We’ve known since we were kids,” he said with conviction.

    “She – ?” I coughed, nearly choking, and ducked my head, before repeating more quietly, “She’s his mate?  You mean they’re getting married or something?”  I looked back and forth between the two across from me. 

Karroll looked at me quizzically.  “Not exactly.  I honestly don’t think they are – ”

“No, no,” Merritt took over, the excitement evident in his voice.  “They’re meant-to-be.  They match, down to their cores.  They complete each other.”

I raised my eyebrows at this phrase, managing to hide a smile, but then thought about it, as I stared at my food.  “Like soul mates?  You said, like you guys are….”

    “Yea – ” he began, but Karroll interrupted.

    “Not like us,” she said, glancing at him and looking back at me.  “We call our mate – our true mate – our Other Half.  Many people don’t get the concept.  It’s not like it used to be – not like I’ve read in books.  It’s not something you choose, it’s chosen, but not by any person.  It’s an undeniable attraction, a bond.  And it’s different for everyone.  Most mates are opposites, so they balance each other out in all aspects of power and personality.  Others are drawn together in more subtle ways.  Which is the way many think it is for Derik and Nate.  But it isn’t.”  She looked pointedly at Merritt, who kept quiet.  “They have a lot in common, okay.  They’re together, sure.  But they’re not connected.  Not really.  Any fool can see what they have is purely physical.”

    “Oh, come on now.  They’re perfect for each other… Everyone knows it.”

    I just watched their exchange.  So Derik was seeing someone?  Interesting…  But why was I shocked?  It’s not like I had any reason to care, really.  I didn’t care.  I was just… curious.  That’s it.  Just pure curiosity.  I found myself looking back across the room.  When my eyes found her, I felt an unexplainable sinking feeling in my stomach.  She was staring back at me, and I had been wrong earlier.  She wasn’t beautiful when she smiled.  She was downright scary.  Somehow, I could sense everything she felt toward me at that moment in her toothy grin.  She hated me and she wanted me to know it.  Also, I somehow got the impression she had heard every word we had spoken.  I couldn’t look away.

    “Haylee.” Karroll touched my hand, and I snapped back to the people in front of me.  “Haylee, are you alright?”  She leaned toward me, concern on her face.

    I shook myself.  “Uh, yeah.  I’m… fine.”  I blinked a few times.  “Just tired, I guess.”

    “Hey, don’t pay attention to her, okay?” she said.  “She’s a little possessive, and you’ve been a bit of a distraction these last few days.”  Then she smiled apologetically, “Mostly to Derik.”

    “But don’t worry about it,” Merritt rushed in.  “Things’ll get back to normal before you know it, and Derik’ll forget about everything, and she’ll leave you alone.”  He smiled, reassuringly.

    Karroll reached over and laid her hand on mine.  “He means well, but sometimes he doesn’t say the right thing,” she said to me, with a penetrating look.  I was more curious about the look than her words.

    “What do you mean by that?” he asked.  “I’m just tryin’ to make the girl feel better.  Nate’s obviously overreacting.  What’s she expect in this situation?  Derik to completely ignore something like this?  No offense,” he added to me.

    “Merritt.”  She looked at him.  “Sometimes you amaze me.”

    He smiled.  “Why, thank you,” he said, dully.

    She turned her look of wonder back to me and shook her head.

    “Well, break’s over,” he said, standing.  “We’ve got work to do.”

    “Yeah…” she replied.  “Do you need someone to walk you back to the sleeping area?” she asked me.

    “Derik said I should have someone… Do you mind?”

    “Not at all.  It’s on our way, anyway.”

    So, we took our bowls to the designated window and left them for whoever was back there to clean them.  I tried to sneak a look through but saw no one.

    As we made our way out of the room, I noticed something I must have been too distracted to notice before.  “What is that?” I indicated above the doorway.

    “Secondary security,” Merritt replied.

    Karroll explained further.  “In case one of them tries to get inside the main door upfront.  We’re supposed to gather here, since it’s the only room large enough for all of us.  It takes two strong people on either side of the doorway to lower it.”  She pointed to the levers and the pulley system attached to them.  “It gives an added layer of defense – just in case – especially for those who can’t defend themselves, like the children.”

    I gave a small nod, as I studied what appeared to be very heavy wrought iron and hoped it never had to be used during my stay.

As I began to follow them again, I became aware of nearly every pair of eyes weighing on my back.  But one stare was stronger than the rest and it was burning a hole right through me.  Oh, God, I hoped fire wasn’t Nate’s ability, because, if it was, she’d surely burn me to death right there.  And what was her ability, anyway?  I was sure to find out, sooner or later.

    In silence, the three of us walked down the candlelit hall, Merritt and Karroll on either side of me.  “So,” Karroll said, quietly, “you’re not from around here, then?”  It was the politest way to simultaneously tell me everyone knew some version of my story and to ask me for the story firsthand.

    “Um, not exactly.  What have you heard?” I asked.

    “Well… several things really.  I think I heard someone say you were a plant, sent by the Pale Ones to spy on us,” she said.

“Actually, I think it was Nate who said that,” Merritt broke in.

She shrugged and went on, “Others have said you were found wandering around at night completely nude.”  My eyes went wide and I opened my mouth to object, when she held up her hands.  “No worries.  No one believes that one.  At least not many…  It was more than likely spread by Ford and Jaxon.”  She rolled her eyes.  “They’re harmless degenerates, really.  Every camp has them.  They were actually hanging around Nate in the cafeteria just now.”  Then, she went on.  “Other than that, the most widely spread rumor is you’re a time traveler and have spoken with Sabella.  Which is ridiculous, because no one but a select few ever speaks to the Seer.”

“So, which is it?  Plant, nude, or Sabella?” Merrit laughed, as we made it up the last few stairs.

“Uh… I was found at night.  Not so much wandering as running for my life and falling unconscious… apparently into Derik’s arms,” I said, sheepishly.  “And most certainly fully clothed,” I added quickly in response to their looks of inquiry.  “And, uh…  I did see Sabella,” I mumbled.

“What?!” they cried in unison, then Karroll placed her hand on Merritt’s arm and we stopped moving.  “What?” she asked with much more reserve.

“I met with Sabella,” I repeated.  “Earlier today, she asked for me… and Derik.  I guess since he’s the one who found me.  She let us both in on what’s going on.  And somehow it kinda made sense to me,” I said, as I began walking again.

They followed.  “What do you mean?  What did she say?” she began eagerly but then caught herself.  “I am so sorry… this is none of our business.  I can’t believe I just did that,” she chastised herself and looked down at the floor, as we walked.

Pausing, I sighed, “No… it’s alright.  I think I really like you guys.  You’re the first people, besides Glenna really, to be so nice.  I think we could be friends.  So, I think I want to tell you… but it’s kind of strange.  It’s unbelievable really.  I’m not sure where to even start.”  I blinked and continued walking.  The two of them were silent, as they waited for me to go on.  I took a deep breath and told them what their seer had said, what I understood of it anyway.  By the time I had finished, we had been standing at the door for nearly ten minutes.  They were quiet for a little while longer.

Merritt finally said, “Wow,” and rubbed his shaggy head.

Karroll stood with what appeared to be a frown on her face, but I couldn’t tell in the dim lighting.  She was deep in thought, then just raised her eyebrows and gave a slight smile.  “Well, welcome to the fold,” she said.  “I imagine everything will play out as it is meant to.”  She glanced at Merritt who still had his hand on his head.  “We need to get to work though…” And, as they were leaving, she said to me, “Thank you very much for trusting us with your story.  Just look for us if you need anything.  Now get some rest… I also imagine you need it.”

“Thank you,” I said, sincerely, and told them goodnight, as I opened the door.  Once it was closed behind me, I realized I hadn’t thought to ask what their abilities were.  They weren’t big like many others, so they must not be built for fighting.  Their capabilities would be very interesting to learn, and I already knew they wouldn’t find it rude of me to ask.  I made my way to my cot and noticed someone had relit the candle while I was gone. 

In my dreams, I saw the bars of a poorly lit cell and something small scurrying out of sight.  Then I dreamed Nate and her group pulled me from the table where I ate and dragged me out a door into the night.  They threw me to the ground and, laughing, closed the door behind me.  I could feel the Amara closing in, even before their shadows fell upon me. 

 

 

Chapters

6

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OpheliaWrites wrote 543 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

tricia_d wrote 627 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

Jacoba wrote 633 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

Shelby Z. wrote 220 days ago

Terra Incognita by Heather Riffle
Gripping!
I was pulled into the story from the opener. I like how you made it seem that she was being attacked by a savage animal, but it only turned out to be a fun game with the dog.
The phone call between her an her mom was long and drawn out, but otherwise everything else was gripping. I like how well you set up mystery and curious elements that the reader can't help but wonder what will happen or why is this so important.
Your style is drawing as well as smooth. I found no errors or choppy places at all.
I don't know why I haven't read this before, it is good.
Grand work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Kristen_Undead wrote 248 days ago

Hi Heather,

I think you have a great concept with Terra Incognita. However, I think it could use a little tightening.

I might consider scrapping the first paragraph about Lobo. The way you opened, I was expecting a werewolf or some other sort of hell beast. It would be stronger if you dove right into Bethany's death. I would probably also break Chapter 1 at the point when the Sheriff comes to give that scene a little more impact and make it easier to digest everything we are learning in the beginning of the story.

I read the first three chapters. Are Glenna and Derik the pale ones? Haylee seems to accept these newcomers easily, especially after finding out she had been unconscious. Do her dream sequences have anything to do with them?

I would also check for unnecessary words like "so".

I think you're leading to a great set up and I'm interested to see where this goes!
Kristen
Immortal Dilemma

Julie_Undead wrote 260 days ago

Hi Heather!
I looked at 6 random chapters and was tempted to go back and start in order. The writing is really smooth, and I think you were right on to lower your MC's age...this definitely reads as YA, despite the eff word. :) Certainly a strong storyline, and I love your take on the supernatural... very unique. I believe you're on the right track here, and should absolutely seek out some more reviews to work toward that editor's desk!

--Julie
Running Home

Hannah Kytiryn wrote 367 days ago

I've rated and up you on my watchlist. :)

Chaos Magician Andrea wrote 430 days ago

Heather! This book is absolutely amazing! You had me hooked since page one and I have been unable to deviate my attention long enough to do much else today. When I couldn't be on my computer reading it, I was on my phone soaking it all up! I am absolutely in love with Darik and Haylee and am very anxious to read the rest. I couldn't flip the page fast enough and was shocked when it ended where it did. GREAT story, great characters, great read. I have nothing negative at all to say about this other than that I need more =)

Would be shocked if you didn't get an agent soon with this!

Andrea
A Perception of Dreams

TaniaJohansson wrote 433 days ago

So, I know I have already commented on this book, but I have now read all the way through. It is brilliant. My only problem now is that I cannot read the rest of it!
You are obviously such a talented author and I wish you all the best!!

TaniaJohansson wrote 435 days ago

Where to start? I Loved this book (yes capital L)! It has me completley hooked. I am up to chapter seven and will continue reading. It is so well written. Your dialogue in particular is excellent. The conversations feel completely real and natural.
The premise for the story is so interesting and from the off you built the suspense brilliantly. I found myself neglecting other things to find more time to read your book.
I immediately felt captured by Haylee. Amazing characterization.
To sum this up, I want this book on my bookshelf...my actual bookshelf (and of course on my kindle).
I wish you all the best with this! You deserve success with such a fantastic manuscript!

Oriax wrote 477 days ago

Hello Heather,
This really flows well. The dialogue is convincingly natural. I especially liked Haylee’s conversation with the sheriff. The description just enough to paint the scenery not too much to clutter the story with unecessary detail. You build up the suspense well, with the latch on the gate, the dog being attracted to something Haylee can’t see. Just one thing I thought of, the branch tapping against the window is a bit Wuthering Heights, and there it’s used to explain a dream sound of fingers tapping on the window. Would it be enough to have been woken by Lobo howling?

The end of paragraph six, chapter two is a bit strange:
‘Oddly, I felt drawn to the trail, awed by it somehow, but with this nagging sense of dread pressing up through it. I nearly took a step toward it…’ The sense of dread was pressing up through the trail?

I completely agree about the clown, they are horribly creepy. I like the way you say Haylee dropped the frame as if there had been a spider on it – exactly the right image for the situation.


Haylee certainly behaves like a cool customer, running after the dog into the woods that she has already had uneasy feelings about, in a thunderstorm, alone and leaving the house open behind her. By the time she is attacked by the pale man it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Haylee to be half dead with fear! What seems to me to be missing is emotion. Haylee doesn’t register much fear at all. The same thought struck me a little later on when Glenna explains that Lobo is probably dead. I’d have expected Haylee to be choked up.

Glenna and Derik don’t seem to speak the same language. Glenna is very formal and stiff and speaks English as though it isn’t her first language; Derik talks like a regular kind of guy. Is this a social signal?

Chapter four I liked the description of the roof garden, which seemed a very sensible idea, liked the elements of mystery you introduce, like the lack of children, the lack of rain. But I found the section with the old lady confusing. Haylee blinks and wonders how long she has been staring at the old lady without blinking, she turns to Derik and they start a rather irritable conversation that excludes the old lady altogether. I wondered whether there had been a flash forward and we were no longer in the red room.

I have enjoyed the story so far, you have a good idea and you write very well. The first section in our time, to my mind works better than the chapters set in the future. Partly I think because you need to do a lot of explaining and introduce new characters. We are always being told to drip feed the explanations, only bringing them in when you can’t do otherwise. Big chunks of background tend to crowd out character development; it’s hard to do both at the same time. In chapter 3 Glenna tells Haylee an awful lot, but asks very few questions. Maybe you could balance it up a little and let Haylee discover the strangeness of the place bit by bit for herself.
I’ve given this high stars and I’m leaving it on my watchlist to read on later.
Jane



Julio Guzman wrote 480 days ago

Hi!
Just read your first chapter and I liked it...a lot! The opening to this was simply classic, so dramatic lol. Your writing is so unique and from the way I'm seeing it, flawless. Your storytelling abilities are undeniable and your dialogue is realistic and flows very well. I'm looking forward to reading more of this!

Six stars, good luck!

OpheliaWrites wrote 543 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

R K Alan wrote 543 days ago

Hello, Heather, and thank you for a delightful read. I enjoyed your descriptive narrative as it enlivened the world for me. You have a keen attention to detail. Your dialogue, the banter between mother and daughter seemed genuine and unforced.

I noted an odd bit when she woke from a rumble (thunder I assume) and then reacted to a flash (lightening I presumed). This is out of sequence as lightening precedes thunder.

You set up the tension nicely as she struggled between normalcy, the death of her aunt and the dread that the reader senses around her. Very Hitchcock-like and works well to establish the tension.

Good luck with this and I'll return for more when I have more time. Ray

OpheliaWrites wrote 583 days ago

CH.1

I was drawn to the book by the cover, looking over a friend's shelf, and I am SO GLAD I ventured to read. Chapter one was flawless, engaging, exciting, etc. I love the name Lobo and your little trick at the beginning. It certainly worked! Starred and watchlisted!

DesiS. wrote 588 days ago

I know that a story is good when I get insomnia- in that I am staying up late reading what happens next instead of going to sleep, and am dead tired at work the next day! Where you shine is in your character development. I think the development of mystery around Derik was done especially well. After an initial slow start the pacing was done well.

Some things I was wondering about in the story- I am surprised that when she finds herself in the future Haylee doesn't think more about what she left behind-that all her family/ friends are dead ect. In Chapter 4 I keep wanting her to look for dates on the trophys or dates in the magazines- copy write dates in the books- if she is curious when the pale ones took over it, would seem she would look for these to get a clue about when society as we know it ended.

Editorial issues: Chapter 1(part 1) - "...I'm real sorry for you (your?) loss." Chapter Two- the fraction 3/4 comes up repeatedly- not sure what to make of this unusual typo- computer glitch? Examples- "Right, but 3/4" and " I 3/4 I've 3/4 I just haven't." and "...some other dimension, or 3/4 or something. I 3/4 I don't know." Section 16- "I3/4 I think so," "I'm fine 3/4 fine," and "But this3/4 water is 3/4 pretty 3/4 heavy."
Section 26- "I bulked (balked?),...

I did really enjoy this story and would love to know what happens next. Are you going to post more? 5 stars and backed. Hope this was helpful. Desi.

difloyd wrote 617 days ago

Thanks for supporting my sister, Ellise Weaver, and her book. It means a great deal to both of us. You might want to check out her new cover...I know she would love to know what you think and if you've finished the book. And to say a proper thank you I'll check out your book and give you high marks!

Thanks again,

Diane

tricia_d wrote 627 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

MichelleThuis wrote 629 days ago

ch 1. I feel like in the first section, something should be said about still feeling uneasy. No killer has been caught or found. Isn't she worried it could still be out there? I would be.

See, you are doing a good job of freaking me out. Especially in that second section. But it would feel more realistic if she were scared too. Characters in horror scenes are so often so oblivious to the fact that if they were a real human being, they'd be freaked out too. They just happy go lucky go check the window, etc. And never think about possible killer people/beasts/something still out there. :)

Enjoying this so far. Good writing. I don't like the 'so' at the beginning of the 'so, arms shaking' sentence in the first paragraph. It seems like it might be better without the so. However, I'm not sure about that.

Ok, at least now she's got some fear. Seems a little late though.

You seem to start quite a few sentences with 'so'. I think it might be a bad thing.

Her thought when her mom gets off the phone is too harsh. "Well, I should get going," as though nothing significant said. Why should she say good bye any other way? :)

Ok, if my aunt died a bloody death and I was in a home alone, my natural reaction would not be to take strange opening and closing gates and think I was over-reacting. My reaction would be, "Holy crap. I might be over-reacting, but I just went through a bad situation, so I'm ok with the fact that I am over-reacting. Seems natural. I am NOT sleeping here alone tonight. Even if it's silly. I'm just not."

If something came into the yard and the dog was outside, how did they not fight? Just a thought.

And really, I'm enjoying the writing and the story. But I feel like you're doing the usual, "Make my character dumber for the sake of the plot" mistake. I'd be freaked out if I were her. I'd be over-reacting, not under-reacting. Just a thought.

MichelleThuis wrote 629 days ago

ch 1. I love the opening sentence. So nonchalant. I really love it. I'll read more soon. :)

Heather Riffle wrote 633 days ago

Hi, Jacoba!

Thank you very much for you comment! Of course, I would love and appreciate any further feedback you have that might better my book, so feel free to message them through. As soon as I have done a little editing to the next few chapters, I'll post them and let you know. I hope they live up to your feelings thus far. Again, thank you, and I can hardly wait to hear what else you have to say! I really appreciate that you took the time to read Terra Incognita and comment.

Heather

Jacoba wrote 633 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

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