Book Jacket

 

rank 501
word count 92398
date submitted 21.08.2011
date updated 25.08.2012
genres: Romance, Fantasy, Horror, Young Adu...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Terra Incognita

Heather Riffle

A girl must survive a future ruled by the "Pale Ones," while discovering love, friendship and a fate greater than she could ever believe possible.

 

Seventeen-year old Haylee Wells thought her mother pressuring her to choose a college was her only problem. But between her aunt’s death and a wraithlike creature attacking, she suddenly has much more to handle. When she finds herself in a post-apocalyptic future where these creatures reign and can kill with a single touch, she takes refuge with a group of humans who have their own special abilities. She needs to find her way home. But the connection she shares with Derik – the duty-bound protector of the group – and her own developing abilities complicate things further. If she fails to realize the power within herself, she risks becoming a slave to the Pale Ones and never returning home.

A YA post-apocalyptic paranormal with romantic elements, TERRA INCOGNITA will introduce readers to a new supernatural creature and immerse them in a world where humans must fight daily to survive.

Complete at 104,000 words.

 
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tags

adventure, fantasy, future, romance, self-discovery, supernatural

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Chapters

14

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I found my clothes stacked by my cot, folded and clean, and changed into them before breakfast.  In the cafeteria, I ate in a state of near gloom, paying little attention to the goings-on around me.  Afterward, I walked slowly to the room where I was to meet with Derik.  He wasn’t there.  I waited for twenty minutes or so, though it felt longer, before leaving the room to find him.  The halls were as busy as usual, everyone making their way toward whatever jobs they were assigned.  For a moment, I thought about following suit and finding something to do with myself, but changed my mind when I saw Derik moving toward the main doors.  I followed.

Once he reached the guards there, I could make out only some of his words.  “… send someone for me when they get back…” was all I could catch, before he turned.  He saw me in that instant and froze.  “Haylee.”  He started walking toward me, then stiffly by me.  “I’m sorry, but we’ll have to postpone our next session… I’ve got too much on my plate today.”

I jogged to catch up.  “What’s going on?  How long has the, uh…” I searched for a word, “crew, or whatever you wanna call them, been out?” 

He heaved a sigh.  “Not long.”

“Not long?  Then why do you seem so worried?”  I stopped and frowned.

He kept moving.  “Never mind.  I’ve got a lot to do…” He finally slowed and turned toward me.  “Why don’t you go ahead and use the training room… go over what I taught you without me.  We’ll figure out another time to work together, or something,” he added brusquely and disappeared around the corner. 

He wanted me to practice self-defense by myself?  “Uh… Okaaay…” And I tried, I really did.  Well, for about ten minutes.  “This is not working,” I told myself aloud.  I had the room to myself but practicing the escapes without the holds seemed pointless.  He seemed angry with me.  Why?  What the hell was his problem?!  “I give up!” I said, flinging myself to the floor, my arms over my face in exasperation.  “This is ridiculous.” 

I resolved not to think about Derik for the rest of the day, which proved easy for a little while.  I did what I could to keep myself busy until Gamut’s shift started.  When I arrived, several other people were there, and the apprehension seemed to ooze from them.  I approached Gamut cautiously.  “What’s going on?”

“The group hasn’t returned yet.  Everyone’s getting nervous.”  He stood tensely, his eyes the only indication of emotion.  The look there was a mix of anxiety and sympathy.  “I’m sorry… but some people seem to be blaming you.”

I frowned.  “Huh?”  This statement had taken me aback.  I was speechless.

He closed his eyes briefly.  “It’s not just because they’re suspicious of newcomers… it’s because Derik told them about your well.  They went looking specifically for it.  So, uh… they think that, um… well.”  He didn’t go on.

I chanced a look at the people gathered.  Some of them stared back at me, a few with looks of distaste or all-out antagonism.  I fixed my gaze on Gamut instead.  “What?  What do they think?” I asked him.

The look of sympathy intensified.  “They—they think you sent them on a wild-goose chase.  They don’t believe the well is actually there.  Haylee, I—”

“They think I lied.”  I stared in shock.  After a moment, I made myself focus on Gamut.  “Do you think that?  That I lied?”

“No,” he said, quietly.  “No, I believe you.  It was there in your time and might still be there.  It’s possible they just ran into trouble.  It’s bound to happen.  It does, quite often, really.  These idiots know that… To tell you the truth, I don’t know what’s come over them.”  He looked as confused as me for a moment.  “Just stick close to me today… alright?” he said, giving the group a sidelong glance.

I nodded.  I wasn’t sure I actually heard exactly what he had said, since I was still fixated on them thinking I had lied.  All I wanted to do was help these people, and this had been the best way I could think of.  Is this why Derik had treated me so gruffly earlier?  Did he think I had lied as well?  With that thought, my resolution went right out the door.  My knees shook as understanding dawned, and I felt queasy.

“Haylee?  Are you alright?” The worry was evident in Gamut’s voice.  “Here, you should sit down.”  He led me to the trophy case and helped me up onto the ledge.  “Shh, now… calm down.  Take slow, even breaths, okay?” He placed his hands on either side of my face. 

I tried to do as he said and felt myself calming down a bit.

“There.  Is that better?”

I nodded.  “I’m sorry.”

He laughed a little.  “You’re sorry.  You nearly pass out, because everyone’s overreacting, and you’re sorry?”  He smiled at me and kissed my forehead.  “You’re adorable, you know that?  Why everyone else can’t see you as I do… I don’t know.”  He shook his head.  Suddenly, he stiffened, and his smile was gone.  “Derik,” was all he said.

I looked over his shoulder to see him standing across the hall, his hands on his hips, staring directly at us.  I felt my face drain of color.

“Haylee, remember what I said.  Breathe.”  Gamut’s voice and a gentle shake brought me back.  “Just lean back for a while, okay?  I should get back to my post.”  He indicated over his shoulder.  “I’ll be right over here, if you need me,” he said, with a significant look.

Once again, I did as he asked.  I couldn’t remember ever being so shaken.  I’d obviously been more afraid for my life but never before in such shock.  Gamut couldn’t have known it wasn’t that no one but him believed me but that Derik, of all people, didn’t.  Why did that bother me most of all?  And why did I have to keep asking myself that question?  Wasn’t it obvious by now?  I was falling for him, maybe had fallen for him.  Which was ridiculous in and of itself.  How could I fall for someone so distant, so confusing, and so irritating?  But I had, nonetheless.  I did my best to push all of these thoughts and fears from my head, but it wasn’t easy.  I leaned back and focused on thinking of nothing, like I had practiced with Sabella. 

I must have been doing a pretty good job, because the next thing I knew the doors were being thrown open, and the gathered group was helping the lost party into the entry hall.  So much light poured in, I could just make out the shapes of people. 

“Oh no!” I heard someone gasp.  And another hissed, “I knew it!”  Then, everyone was talking at once. 

I heard Derik’s voice above them all.  “What happened?  Where’s Ferris?”

Someone spoke up.  “We lost him.  We were attacked.”

My eyes began to adjust, and I was able to make out a few of their faces.  Derik stood tall, in the midst of the group.  After I took in his position, I noted the condition of those who had just arrived.  They were all battered and bruised, and several were wounded in varying degrees, a few only standing with the support of those around them.  My eyes must have been wide enough to pop out of my head.  They felt it.

Then, I heard someone breach the dreaded topic.  “The bottles are empty.  You didn’t find the well?”

Someone answered, “No. We searched for it longer than we should have.  But we didn’t find any well.”  The reply sounded accusatory. 

“Let’s get them to the infirmary,” Derik interrupted the dangerous conversation.  He placed his arm around one of the more seriously wounded men and turned back down the hall.  As he did so, he passed by me.  “I’ll speak with you later,” he said under his breath, and the look in his eye sent a shiver down my spine.  And not the good kind, either.  If my eyes could have gone wider they would have. 

Gamut was a little ways behind the group, walking along with them.  He stopped for a moment.  “Maybe you should hide out for a bit, stay low, you know?”  He gave me a little smile and moved ahead with the group.

An image of the dusty piano room quickly flashed through my mind, but something inexplicable happened before that idea could stick.  If Gamut’s back hadn’t been to the door, he would’ve had it well within his view, but his attention was on the group moving away down the hall.  My gaze wandered to the abandoned bags of bottles near the door, and I scooted down off my perch.  My body seemed to be moving of its own volition, as I walked toward the bottles.  No one was watching the doors.  Even the two men left with the responsibility of closing the heavy doors were intently focused on their work.   So, I moved with more purpose, grabbed the nearest cloth sack and, without hesitation, slipped through the doors just before they closed.  It seemed a miracle no one had noticed me slip out.  That, or dumb luck.  Whether my luck was good or bad was a completely different discussion, but suddenly I was doubting my decision.  What had I done?  I let myself freak for only half a second, then squared my shoulders and got my bearings.  I looked toward where home should be and started walking.  As I got several feet away from the building, I remembered the guards on the roof.  What was I thinking, thinking I could get away with this?!  And I froze.  When no one called out, I took a step and then another until I was walking at a regular pace.  I could find that well.  That’s why I was doing this.  Of course, eventually someone would notice I was gone.  And I expected it to be pretty quickly.  But if I could find the water, maybe they would believe in me.  Maybe he would believe in me.  Though he’d probably just think I was stupid or crazy for doing something so stupid and crazy.  And who was I to argue with that logic?  Really.  I might not make it back, once I found the water.  If I found the water… Wait.  I might not make it back? 

I slowed my pace a bit and studied the shadows around me.  I saw no movement there.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  From what I had learned, if I stuck to the sunlight, I would be fine.  So that’s what I did.  I stayed away from the shadows, which wasn’t as hard as you might think.  There were still plenty of clearings, places the trees hadn’t yet reclaimed and maybe never would.  Maybe these clearings had always been here.  I couldn’t know that but it made sense.  I filled my head with thoughts such as this, as I went along.  Because these thoughts were much more conducive than thoughts of my imminent death.  I was amazed by the utter naturalness of my surroundings.  Nothing but the school building had survived all these years.  And how long had it been exactly?  I still didn’t know and probably would never find out.

Though I had no real way of keeping track of the time, it seemed as though nearly forty-five minutes must have passed.  I felt like I should be getting close by now.  This would have been the Logan’s property, I was sure of it.  So where was the well? 

“It should be here.”  I squinted my eyes against the sun as I turned, looking.  I was about to give up, when I noticed a shape across the clearing.  I moved closer.  “Eureka,” I said under my breath.  Of course, as I was moving closer, I realized something was different.  What must have been the well was completely covered by undergrowth, which had been able to flourish out of the direct light of the sun.  Which meant the well was now engulfed in shadows, sheltered by the encroaching forest. 

I stopped moving and swallowed hard.  “Shit,” I said softly and felt guilty immediately because I had always been taught not to use such language.  But, hell, did it apply.  Taking in my surroundings with great effort, I searched for any sign of the Pale Ones.  Nothing.  Could I feel if one was near?  I wasn’t sure.  Sabella had not yet taught me to do so.  Was it possible?  I could try.  Keeping my eyes open, I tried reaching out with my mind, searching as I had just previously done with my eyes.  Still nothing, so I pushed out a little harder, which seemed to be the extent of my capabilities, as my breathing was on the verge of becoming labored.  I tried to reign myself in slowly but my control was not quite there yet and I came back to myself with a snap.  If my eyes had been closed, they most certainly would have jerked open.  As far as I could tell, I was alone.  Which, in a way, was strange, because I thought someone would definitely have come looking for me by now.  Well, maybe it was for the best.  I could get the water and head back, none the wiser.  So, I took a deep breath and pushed on. 

I paused for a moment at the edge of the shadows, then stepped over the threshold.  The air felt heavier somehow.  Was that possible?  It must have been my imagination.  At least I was no longer in direct sunlight.  I would most definitely be using a little of that aloe ointment when I got back. 

When I reached the jumble of undergrowth, I sat the cloth sack down on the ground and studied the work ahead.  I didn’t have any means of cutting through the foliage and no way of protecting my hands as I tore through it.  And once I did get through it, how was I going to fill those bottles?  I sighed.  I’d just have to figure that out when I got to it.  Anyway, I had no way of knowing whether there was actually any water in this well.  Maybe it had dried up by now.  Oh, I hoped not.  I really hoped not.  Then, all of this would have been for nothing.  But I had to try.

I looked down at the cloth sack once more and got an idea.  Grabbing it up, I shook all of the empty bottles from it, pleasantly surprised when a large ball of heavy twine fell out among them.  I placed one hand inside the cloth and set to work.  Though the bag was more than large enough to accommodate both hands, I thought that might be awkward.  Luckily, I only needed one hand to do the bulk of the work, so the other was safe enough.  My makeshift glove was adequate in protecting my hand from the majority of thorns and whatever else I might not want to touch directly.  It wasn’t long before I could make out the cracking and slightly crumbling stone of the well.  However much time had passed, it seemed to have held up well.  Of course, the forest had most likely saved it.   But did it still contain water?  Now was the time to find out.  Exactly how was I going to go about that?

I looked around me, silently wishing for a bucket to magically appear but knowing that wouldn’t happen.  I glanced at the bottles strewn across the ground behind me.  One of them caught my eye.  It was bigger and had a wider mouth than many of the others.  Directly below its mouth was a short, wide neck.  I looked at the twine and back to the bottle.  Maybe, just maybe, it could work.  I picked up the bottle and one end of the twine, tying it around the neck.  I didn’t know much about knots, but I tied it as securely as possible.  I unscrewed the lid and was about to throw the bottle in, when I realized it would just float.  I cast my eyes around for something, anything small but heavy enough and rested them on a piece of crumbling stone from the well.  Picking it up, I studied it.  It was dry and clean.  To be sure, I wiped it on my pant leg a few times to remove any dust or loose rock fragments, then dropped it into the bottle and lowered it into the well.  I prayed the twine was long enough. 

When I had nearly reached the end of it, I decided to pull it back up and nearly did a jig, when I was met with some resistance.  The bottle was heavier!  I let out a little yelp and pulled with more zeal.  When it reached the top, I grabbed for it and studied its contents.  I wrinkled my nose a little at its slightly cloudy color and sniffed at it.  It smelled okay, I guess.  Not that I was an expert.  There was supposed to be a naturally occurring spring feeding the well.  I just hoped it was clean.  I picked up one of the bottles and filled it up.  I was able to fill up two of the smaller bottles with the water from the bigger one.  I dropped the bottle into the well several more times, smiling as I filled up nearly all of the bottles and placed them back into the cloth sack. 

I was filling up the last few bottles, when I heard a twig snap.  I froze and, for a moment, could hear only my own breathing.  In my absolute stillness, I felt a presence to my right.  Without moving my head, my eyes slid in that direction, but I couldn’t see anything.  So, bracing myself, I stood slowly, the bottles still in my hands.  It was very possible someone from the safe house had come looking for me.  I hoped that was the case but wasn’t convinced. 

When I looked up, I saw him.  Between the open field and me, stood the Pale One, a silhouette against the sunlight. 

 

Chapters

14

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OpheliaWrites wrote 544 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

tricia_d wrote 629 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

Jacoba wrote 635 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

Shelby Z. wrote 222 days ago

Terra Incognita by Heather Riffle
Gripping!
I was pulled into the story from the opener. I like how you made it seem that she was being attacked by a savage animal, but it only turned out to be a fun game with the dog.
The phone call between her an her mom was long and drawn out, but otherwise everything else was gripping. I like how well you set up mystery and curious elements that the reader can't help but wonder what will happen or why is this so important.
Your style is drawing as well as smooth. I found no errors or choppy places at all.
I don't know why I haven't read this before, it is good.
Grand work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Kristen_Undead wrote 250 days ago

Hi Heather,

I think you have a great concept with Terra Incognita. However, I think it could use a little tightening.

I might consider scrapping the first paragraph about Lobo. The way you opened, I was expecting a werewolf or some other sort of hell beast. It would be stronger if you dove right into Bethany's death. I would probably also break Chapter 1 at the point when the Sheriff comes to give that scene a little more impact and make it easier to digest everything we are learning in the beginning of the story.

I read the first three chapters. Are Glenna and Derik the pale ones? Haylee seems to accept these newcomers easily, especially after finding out she had been unconscious. Do her dream sequences have anything to do with them?

I would also check for unnecessary words like "so".

I think you're leading to a great set up and I'm interested to see where this goes!
Kristen
Immortal Dilemma

Julie_Undead wrote 261 days ago

Hi Heather!
I looked at 6 random chapters and was tempted to go back and start in order. The writing is really smooth, and I think you were right on to lower your MC's age...this definitely reads as YA, despite the eff word. :) Certainly a strong storyline, and I love your take on the supernatural... very unique. I believe you're on the right track here, and should absolutely seek out some more reviews to work toward that editor's desk!

--Julie
Running Home

Hannah Kytiryn wrote 369 days ago

I've rated and up you on my watchlist. :)

Chaos Magician Andrea wrote 432 days ago

Heather! This book is absolutely amazing! You had me hooked since page one and I have been unable to deviate my attention long enough to do much else today. When I couldn't be on my computer reading it, I was on my phone soaking it all up! I am absolutely in love with Darik and Haylee and am very anxious to read the rest. I couldn't flip the page fast enough and was shocked when it ended where it did. GREAT story, great characters, great read. I have nothing negative at all to say about this other than that I need more =)

Would be shocked if you didn't get an agent soon with this!

Andrea
A Perception of Dreams

TaniaJohansson wrote 435 days ago

So, I know I have already commented on this book, but I have now read all the way through. It is brilliant. My only problem now is that I cannot read the rest of it!
You are obviously such a talented author and I wish you all the best!!

TaniaJohansson wrote 437 days ago

Where to start? I Loved this book (yes capital L)! It has me completley hooked. I am up to chapter seven and will continue reading. It is so well written. Your dialogue in particular is excellent. The conversations feel completely real and natural.
The premise for the story is so interesting and from the off you built the suspense brilliantly. I found myself neglecting other things to find more time to read your book.
I immediately felt captured by Haylee. Amazing characterization.
To sum this up, I want this book on my bookshelf...my actual bookshelf (and of course on my kindle).
I wish you all the best with this! You deserve success with such a fantastic manuscript!

Oriax wrote 478 days ago

Hello Heather,
This really flows well. The dialogue is convincingly natural. I especially liked Haylee’s conversation with the sheriff. The description just enough to paint the scenery not too much to clutter the story with unecessary detail. You build up the suspense well, with the latch on the gate, the dog being attracted to something Haylee can’t see. Just one thing I thought of, the branch tapping against the window is a bit Wuthering Heights, and there it’s used to explain a dream sound of fingers tapping on the window. Would it be enough to have been woken by Lobo howling?

The end of paragraph six, chapter two is a bit strange:
‘Oddly, I felt drawn to the trail, awed by it somehow, but with this nagging sense of dread pressing up through it. I nearly took a step toward it…’ The sense of dread was pressing up through the trail?

I completely agree about the clown, they are horribly creepy. I like the way you say Haylee dropped the frame as if there had been a spider on it – exactly the right image for the situation.


Haylee certainly behaves like a cool customer, running after the dog into the woods that she has already had uneasy feelings about, in a thunderstorm, alone and leaving the house open behind her. By the time she is attacked by the pale man it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Haylee to be half dead with fear! What seems to me to be missing is emotion. Haylee doesn’t register much fear at all. The same thought struck me a little later on when Glenna explains that Lobo is probably dead. I’d have expected Haylee to be choked up.

Glenna and Derik don’t seem to speak the same language. Glenna is very formal and stiff and speaks English as though it isn’t her first language; Derik talks like a regular kind of guy. Is this a social signal?

Chapter four I liked the description of the roof garden, which seemed a very sensible idea, liked the elements of mystery you introduce, like the lack of children, the lack of rain. But I found the section with the old lady confusing. Haylee blinks and wonders how long she has been staring at the old lady without blinking, she turns to Derik and they start a rather irritable conversation that excludes the old lady altogether. I wondered whether there had been a flash forward and we were no longer in the red room.

I have enjoyed the story so far, you have a good idea and you write very well. The first section in our time, to my mind works better than the chapters set in the future. Partly I think because you need to do a lot of explaining and introduce new characters. We are always being told to drip feed the explanations, only bringing them in when you can’t do otherwise. Big chunks of background tend to crowd out character development; it’s hard to do both at the same time. In chapter 3 Glenna tells Haylee an awful lot, but asks very few questions. Maybe you could balance it up a little and let Haylee discover the strangeness of the place bit by bit for herself.
I’ve given this high stars and I’m leaving it on my watchlist to read on later.
Jane



Julio Guzman wrote 482 days ago

Hi!
Just read your first chapter and I liked it...a lot! The opening to this was simply classic, so dramatic lol. Your writing is so unique and from the way I'm seeing it, flawless. Your storytelling abilities are undeniable and your dialogue is realistic and flows very well. I'm looking forward to reading more of this!

Six stars, good luck!

OpheliaWrites wrote 544 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

R K Alan wrote 544 days ago

Hello, Heather, and thank you for a delightful read. I enjoyed your descriptive narrative as it enlivened the world for me. You have a keen attention to detail. Your dialogue, the banter between mother and daughter seemed genuine and unforced.

I noted an odd bit when she woke from a rumble (thunder I assume) and then reacted to a flash (lightening I presumed). This is out of sequence as lightening precedes thunder.

You set up the tension nicely as she struggled between normalcy, the death of her aunt and the dread that the reader senses around her. Very Hitchcock-like and works well to establish the tension.

Good luck with this and I'll return for more when I have more time. Ray

OpheliaWrites wrote 585 days ago

CH.1

I was drawn to the book by the cover, looking over a friend's shelf, and I am SO GLAD I ventured to read. Chapter one was flawless, engaging, exciting, etc. I love the name Lobo and your little trick at the beginning. It certainly worked! Starred and watchlisted!

DesiS. wrote 589 days ago

I know that a story is good when I get insomnia- in that I am staying up late reading what happens next instead of going to sleep, and am dead tired at work the next day! Where you shine is in your character development. I think the development of mystery around Derik was done especially well. After an initial slow start the pacing was done well.

Some things I was wondering about in the story- I am surprised that when she finds herself in the future Haylee doesn't think more about what she left behind-that all her family/ friends are dead ect. In Chapter 4 I keep wanting her to look for dates on the trophys or dates in the magazines- copy write dates in the books- if she is curious when the pale ones took over it, would seem she would look for these to get a clue about when society as we know it ended.

Editorial issues: Chapter 1(part 1) - "...I'm real sorry for you (your?) loss." Chapter Two- the fraction 3/4 comes up repeatedly- not sure what to make of this unusual typo- computer glitch? Examples- "Right, but 3/4" and " I 3/4 I've 3/4 I just haven't." and "...some other dimension, or 3/4 or something. I 3/4 I don't know." Section 16- "I3/4 I think so," "I'm fine 3/4 fine," and "But this3/4 water is 3/4 pretty 3/4 heavy."
Section 26- "I bulked (balked?),...

I did really enjoy this story and would love to know what happens next. Are you going to post more? 5 stars and backed. Hope this was helpful. Desi.

difloyd wrote 618 days ago

Thanks for supporting my sister, Ellise Weaver, and her book. It means a great deal to both of us. You might want to check out her new cover...I know she would love to know what you think and if you've finished the book. And to say a proper thank you I'll check out your book and give you high marks!

Thanks again,

Diane

tricia_d wrote 629 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

MichelleThuis wrote 630 days ago

ch 1. I feel like in the first section, something should be said about still feeling uneasy. No killer has been caught or found. Isn't she worried it could still be out there? I would be.

See, you are doing a good job of freaking me out. Especially in that second section. But it would feel more realistic if she were scared too. Characters in horror scenes are so often so oblivious to the fact that if they were a real human being, they'd be freaked out too. They just happy go lucky go check the window, etc. And never think about possible killer people/beasts/something still out there. :)

Enjoying this so far. Good writing. I don't like the 'so' at the beginning of the 'so, arms shaking' sentence in the first paragraph. It seems like it might be better without the so. However, I'm not sure about that.

Ok, at least now she's got some fear. Seems a little late though.

You seem to start quite a few sentences with 'so'. I think it might be a bad thing.

Her thought when her mom gets off the phone is too harsh. "Well, I should get going," as though nothing significant said. Why should she say good bye any other way? :)

Ok, if my aunt died a bloody death and I was in a home alone, my natural reaction would not be to take strange opening and closing gates and think I was over-reacting. My reaction would be, "Holy crap. I might be over-reacting, but I just went through a bad situation, so I'm ok with the fact that I am over-reacting. Seems natural. I am NOT sleeping here alone tonight. Even if it's silly. I'm just not."

If something came into the yard and the dog was outside, how did they not fight? Just a thought.

And really, I'm enjoying the writing and the story. But I feel like you're doing the usual, "Make my character dumber for the sake of the plot" mistake. I'd be freaked out if I were her. I'd be over-reacting, not under-reacting. Just a thought.

MichelleThuis wrote 630 days ago

ch 1. I love the opening sentence. So nonchalant. I really love it. I'll read more soon. :)

Heather Riffle wrote 634 days ago

Hi, Jacoba!

Thank you very much for you comment! Of course, I would love and appreciate any further feedback you have that might better my book, so feel free to message them through. As soon as I have done a little editing to the next few chapters, I'll post them and let you know. I hope they live up to your feelings thus far. Again, thank you, and I can hardly wait to hear what else you have to say! I really appreciate that you took the time to read Terra Incognita and comment.

Heather

Jacoba wrote 635 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

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