Book Jacket

 

rank 523
word count 92398
date submitted 21.08.2011
date updated 25.08.2012
genres: Romance, Fantasy, Horror, Young Adu...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Terra Incognita

Heather Riffle

A girl must survive a future ruled by the "Pale Ones," while discovering love, friendship and a fate greater than she could ever believe possible.

 

Seventeen-year old Haylee Wells thought her mother pressuring her to choose a college was her only problem. But between her aunt’s death and a wraithlike creature attacking, she suddenly has much more to handle. When she finds herself in a post-apocalyptic future where these creatures reign and can kill with a single touch, she takes refuge with a group of humans who have their own special abilities. She needs to find her way home. But the connection she shares with Derik – the duty-bound protector of the group – and her own developing abilities complicate things further. If she fails to realize the power within herself, she risks becoming a slave to the Pale Ones and never returning home.

A YA post-apocalyptic paranormal with romantic elements, TERRA INCOGNITA will introduce readers to a new supernatural creature and immerse them in a world where humans must fight daily to survive.

Complete at 104,000 words.

 
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tags

adventure, fantasy, future, romance, self-discovery, supernatural

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Chapters

15

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Chapter Seven

 

I couldn’t make out the Pale One’s features but I could tell he was male.  Did they even have females? I couldn’t tell if he was the same one from the woods that night, or not, since I didn’t know if his injuries could have healed this quickly.  He stood at least as tall as Derik and was slightly hunched over.  Though he was nowhere near as broad as Derik, and his hair was long and tangled. 

He stared at me for a long time before speaking.  I stood still, my eyes frozen on him.  I jumped a little, when he finally did speak. 

“Well, well, well…  What have we here?”  He moved toward me, and I jerked back a step.  He began circling me, forcing me back against the cool, hard stone of the well.  “You’re such a little thing to be out so alone,” he said, as he got closer.  “So young…” When he was finished looking me up and down, he met my eyes, and I felt them go uncontrollably wide with fear.  His became slits.  “Ah… but not quite so young, I see…” This last word came out more like a hiss.  He circled around me again, placing the well between us for a moment.  I thought about running, but he was in front of me again.

“I would have caught you eventually, little bit.”  He was closer than he had been up to that point and he had stopped moving to look me in the eyes again.  “So small compared to the rest,” he said, considering, “like one of those delicate desserts humans can’t even remember…” His hand came up to toy with my hair.  I leaned away, and he reached out to touch my face, causing me to jerk back.  “Uh-uh-uh… play nice,” he said, with another hissing sound.  This time, he did touch my face. 

At first, his touch felt cold, then colder until it burned, and I couldn’t move away.  My body felt very heavy, I wanted to lie down but couldn’t.  I could barely think.  And I couldn’t take my eyes off of his.  Glowing, golden, animal-like. 

Then the pain came. 

Searing.  Scorching.  Like my very essence was being ripped from my body. 

I will simply let the empty shell of her fall into the well. 

What was that?!  His thoughts?  I can’t…  It was getting hard to see through the spots growing in front of my eyes.  Through the pain, I could feel his clawed fingers holding my chin.  I made myself focus, though that was also becoming more and more difficult.

Just remember what Sabella taught you.  It’s not that different, I told myself.  So, I focused.  I focused on my back pressed up against the cool stone, as I let my weight fall into it.  At that moment, I also focused on my legs, on bringing my knee up and ramming it into whatever part of his body I could find.  My body seemed to remember what Derik had taught me, without me even trying.  When there was enough space between us, I used both of my legs, as I braced myself against the well, to kick him away from me.   Then I focused on running.  But as I moved away from the well, I realized how weak I felt and nearly stumbled over a clump of dirt.  Though I was growing dizzy, I kept moving.  When I heard a frustrated yell in front of me, I thought my mind was playing tricks.  I thought the sound had actually come from the Pale One behind me, because he couldn’t be in front of me… Could he?  Suddenly there was another searing pain in my right side, and my body was whipped around and sent sprawling to the ground.  I felt the world go black for a second or two, but forced myself to focus again.  The Pale One was standing above me, blood dripping from the claws of his right hand.  I felt my eyes widen again, as he raised his hand. 

Just as he was about to throw himself toward me, a blurred mass tackled him and both skidded across the ground.  After he maneuvered to pin him, I saw Derik pull his arm back, fist clenched.  Without glancing up at me, he growled, “Run,” and threw his first punch.  I sat staring, too stunned to move.  When I noticed the Pale One’s hand moving toward a small rock, I unfroze.  Though I had never seen it, I had now been told about their ability to give deadly life to inanimate objects. 

Ignoring the pain in my side, I yelled, “Derik, look out!” and lunged toward him, intending to throw him out of the way.  However, that’s not exactly what happened, though I did end up knocking the rock away.  I guess he didn’t get the chance to change it after all, I thought briefly. 

And just as suddenly as I had moved, Derik was pulling me away.  He was checking my hands and arms, with fierce dedication.  When he didn’t find what he was looking for, he frowned and looked toward the creature he had been fighting.  It was gone. 

“Dammit!” he said, vehemently. 

We were both sitting on the ground, neither one of us saying anything for a moment, until Derik broke the silence.  “What the hell were you thinking?  Pulling a stunt like this!”  He stood up and dusted off his pants.  “I should have left you to it, is what I should’ve done.”

I stared up at him, wide-eyed.  What other way was there, at this point.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that.  This was all your doing.  Well, go on.  You’re so eager to go back… or to get yourself killed.  I’m not sure which it is but you’d better do it quick before you get someone else killed.” He stared down at me.

“Someone else killed?” I said, in shock.  “So you do blame me, then?  For what happened earlier, with the others?  T – to Ferris?” I looked away at the mention of that name.  I hadn’t even known the man – or boy… What if he was younger?  I hadn’t thought of that and I lost what little color I had remaining. 

“How can I not blame you, when you obviously blame yourself.  I can see the guilt written all over your face.  If you hadn’t lied about – ”

“Lied!?” I interrupted.  Now I looked at him, but he had turned away.  “I haven’t lied about anything!  I’m not a liar, alright!”  I stood up, the pain in my side making it difficult, but I made it.  “I didn’t – you know what, no.  I don’t need to defend myself.  I haven’t done anything wrong.  And so what if I want to go home?  Wouldn’t you?”

After a moment, he heaved a sigh and turned toward me.  The look on his face sent chills down my back.  “Then, by all means, go.”  He gestured with his arm.  “We came across you just on the other side of those trees.  You’re almost there.  Go.”

I straightened a bit against the pain in my side and realized I was angry.  Angry at his assumption, at his assuming I had come out here to run away, to go home.  Did he think so lowly of me?  “I feel like we’ve had this discussion before,” I said.  I looked down and sighed, trying to alleviate the hurt and anger, without success.  “You don’t know me so don’t pretend to know anything about me.”

“You told me, you’d take any chance you could to go home, and—”

“And I also said I would do anything I could to help before that happened.  I won’t go back on either of those promises.” I looked him in the eye.

“And I said I’d stop you… of course, I feel I underestimated your determination…” He said, not taking his eyes off mine.

“You’re still not listening!  I wasn’t running away!  I was trying to prove myself, to… save my reputation, in a way…  Not that there was much to save, since no one seemed to trust me to begin with…” I trailed off.

“To prove yourself? How?! By running into one of them and getting yourself killed?  How?  Enlighten me!  Please!” He seemed truly perplexed and every bit as angry as I was.

“The well, for crying out loud!” I nearly yelled, even flinging my arms out to the sides.

He frowned.  “The well?  What about it?  What do you mean?”  He crossed his arms over his chest.

I almost lost focus at the gesture.  “I came out here to find it,” I said slowly, in case he didn’t understand, “of course.” 

He stared at me for a second, his frown ebbing into understanding then back to a look of anger.  “Of all the stupid, crazy things to do!”  Now this was the reaction I had expected.  “What is wrong with you?!  Looking for the well?  How do you even know it still exists?  Do you have any idea how much time has passed?  This was a suicide mission!  It was stupid, that’s all…  Just plain stupid.”  He shook his head in bewilderment. 

My anger vanished at his words, and a smile began to peek through.  “Wait.  So you believe me then?  About the well?  That I didn’t lie?”

“What?” He scowled.

“You don’t think I lied?  You don’t blame me for – for Ferris?” I asked, stumbling around the name again.

His scowl faltered.  “No… I don’t think you lied.  I’m not sure I was ever convinced you did.  I was more angry at myself for not checking it out first, before sending the group.  So, I guess, I blame myself more than anything.”  He looked away briefly, then back again, quickly replacing the scowl.  “But that’s not what we’re talking about here… Why come looking for a well that might not exist, alone, when you very well know the dangers.  Are you crazy?  Or just stupid?”

That shocked the smile right off my face.  The anger was back.  It was one thing for him to say I had done something stupid, another completely to call me stupid.  I had done something stupid, and maybe I was.  I guess that was the problem.  I was feeling defensive about something I had done without thinking, and I knew it all too well.  “Hey, well you said it first, maybe you shouldn’t have come.  Maybe you should’ve just let nature take its course.  We’d all be a whole lot better off then.”  Holding my side, I turned to head back to the compound, wincing with every step I took. 

Derik must have noticed, “Do you need help?” he nearly barked the question.   

I kept moving, “No.  I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” I said, haughtily.  

“Yeah,” he nearly laughed, “I can see tha – ” but then he had to rush up to catch me, as I suddenly felt dizzy again.  As his hand made contact with my side, I winced.  He drew his hand back, a grimace on his face.  “You’re bleeding.”  He quickly kneeled at my right side and began to raise my tattered shirt, which stuck slightly to my skin.  I thought about stopping him but realized that would be childish.  I mean, I was bleeding, after all.  “It’s bad but not as bad as it looks,” he said, touching the skin gingerly.  I winced again.  “Why didn’t you say something?!” he said, angrily. 

I just gave him a look. 

The expression on his face softened somewhat.  “You still shouldn’t have been out here alone,” he said.  “What were you thinking, anyway?”  I thought it was more of a rhetorical question, so I still said nothing.  He looked up from my wound again and sighed.  Straightening up, he pulled off his own shirt and started ripping it into long strips. 

I frowned, “What are you doing?” 

“What’s it look like?  I’m making bandages,” he said, back to his normal condescending self.  “Here, hold this up,” as he handed me the tail of my shirt. 

I just stared at it in my hand.  “This was my favorite t-shirt…”

Derik just gave me a look and continued with his chore.  I hadn’t realized I’d said it out loud.  He began wrapping the cloth around my waist, and his closeness made heat rise to my face.  Every time his arm brushed my stomach, I felt butterflies stir.  Before long, I was dizzy all over again.  When he was finished, he stood and asked, “Can you walk?” 

I nodded and took a step, changed my mind, as I swayed, and started shaking my head instead. 

“Shit,” he said as he caught me again. 

We’ve gotta stop meeting like this, I thought, as I met his eyes and caught them.  Okay, I was getting a little loopy.

After a moment or two, he asked, in a low voice, “Do you want me to carry you?”  Interesting choice, want not need. 

I found I couldn’t think straight and gave a long blink before saying, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me…  I’m not hurt that badly….” I frowned, still unable to think. 

“I was afraid of that,” he replied.  “Here, sit down.”  He sat me against a small tree and crouched down beside me.  “Look at me.”  I did with some difficulty.  He raised his hands toward me, said, “I just need to examine your eyes,” and hesitantly touched my face.  Are his hands trembling?  No, it must be me.  I’m just so tired all of a sudden.  “Little One, you need to keep your eyes open.” 

“I am… aren’t I?”  I blinked.  Had I closed my eyes?  I blinked some more, fighting my drooping eyelids. 

He sighed, and I felt his breath on my face.  Gently, he tilted my head back, using his fingers to open my eyes a little wider.  “You should be dead,” he said, still crouching over me, hands on either side of my face. 

That woke me up.  “Huh?”  I managed. 

“He had you for much longer than I thought.  Anyone else would be dead… how is this possible?”  At first, I thought it was another rhetorical question, but the intensity of his stare made me realize otherwise. 

“Uh…I don’t know… I…?”  I shook my head because it was all I felt like doing. 

He stared at me a moment longer, making me uncomfortable, before saying, “You really don’t, do you.”  He glanced at his hands on either side of my face, quickly removed them, and stood up.   His promptness made my head spin, so I pressed my own hands to my forehead.  “Well, you’re obviously not fit to walk.  I’ll have to carry you back…” he trailed off.  He seemed angry again. 

“I really wasn’t trying to go home,” I said.  “I really was trying to find the well…”

He rolled his eyes.  “I said I believed you, alright? Still, it was a stupid idea…” He sighed.

“I did find it,” I said, then.

“What?  What did you say?” he asked.

“I found it, over there,” I gestured.  For some reason, in my anger, I had forgotten to mention that part.  I don’t think straight when I’m angry.  And I most certainly didn’t think straight around Derik.

He turned to look toward the woods.  There, hiding amongst the undergrowth and shadows, was the well.  He walked over to it, examining it and the bottles I had filled, noting the ones I had dropped when I was attacked.  “You found it,” was all he said.  His eyebrows lifted.  “I can’t believe it.”  He turned in a circle.   “I don’t believe it.  Why didn’t you say something sooner?”  He caught himself.  “Never mind.  Forget I asked.”  He picked up the bag, placing the two empty bottles in it, and returned to my side.  “Why didn’t you go home?” he asked.

Now, I lifted my eyebrows.  “Why would I?  I mean, yeah, sure… Everyone’s going to be looking for me.  But this is more important right now.  I mean, I can do more good here, than I ever could back home.”  I lowered my eyes.  “Besides, everything I had there has been taken away from me.  They killed the most important person in my life… and for what?  Me?  Why?  I can’t understand it… I – I’m sorry.  Sheesh.  Listen to me…  The bottom line is I said I would do what I could to help out here and I’m keeping my word.  That’s all.”  All of this came out in more of a whisper, as I hadn’t the energy to speak any louder.  Somehow I knew he could hear me.

He stared at me.  “Well, you’ve done something wonderful here, I’ll admit that.”  He laughed a bit.  “Stupid, but wonderful.  I’d say you’ve accomplished what you set out to…  Are you ready to go back now?”

I nodded.

“Alright.  Good.  Just hold on, okay?”  He helped me stand and scooped me up into his arms in one fluid movement.  He was still holding the water in one hand.  “You alright?” he asked.

“Mm-hmm,” was all I could say in reply.  “Thank you,” I managed.

He smiled into my hair.  “Don’t mention it.”  And he started back toward the compound.

“Now, you can rest for a while, but try to stay awake… it’s very important that you not pass out, okay?”  I didn’t answer.  He paused and looked down at me.  “Haylee?”

    “Yeah.  Okay,” I said, drowsily.  “Can you talk to me, help me stay awake?” I asked him.

    “Yeah, sure.  What do you want to talk about?”

    “Anything… anything at all.”

 

Chapters

15

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OpheliaWrites wrote 574 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

tricia_d wrote 659 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

Jacoba wrote 665 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

Shelby Z. wrote 252 days ago

Terra Incognita by Heather Riffle
Gripping!
I was pulled into the story from the opener. I like how you made it seem that she was being attacked by a savage animal, but it only turned out to be a fun game with the dog.
The phone call between her an her mom was long and drawn out, but otherwise everything else was gripping. I like how well you set up mystery and curious elements that the reader can't help but wonder what will happen or why is this so important.
Your style is drawing as well as smooth. I found no errors or choppy places at all.
I don't know why I haven't read this before, it is good.
Grand work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Kristen_Undead wrote 280 days ago

Hi Heather,

I think you have a great concept with Terra Incognita. However, I think it could use a little tightening.

I might consider scrapping the first paragraph about Lobo. The way you opened, I was expecting a werewolf or some other sort of hell beast. It would be stronger if you dove right into Bethany's death. I would probably also break Chapter 1 at the point when the Sheriff comes to give that scene a little more impact and make it easier to digest everything we are learning in the beginning of the story.

I read the first three chapters. Are Glenna and Derik the pale ones? Haylee seems to accept these newcomers easily, especially after finding out she had been unconscious. Do her dream sequences have anything to do with them?

I would also check for unnecessary words like "so".

I think you're leading to a great set up and I'm interested to see where this goes!
Kristen
Immortal Dilemma

Julie_Undead wrote 292 days ago

Hi Heather!
I looked at 6 random chapters and was tempted to go back and start in order. The writing is really smooth, and I think you were right on to lower your MC's age...this definitely reads as YA, despite the eff word. :) Certainly a strong storyline, and I love your take on the supernatural... very unique. I believe you're on the right track here, and should absolutely seek out some more reviews to work toward that editor's desk!

--Julie
Running Home

Hannah Kytiryn wrote 399 days ago

I've rated and up you on my watchlist. :)

Chaos Magician Andrea wrote 462 days ago

Heather! This book is absolutely amazing! You had me hooked since page one and I have been unable to deviate my attention long enough to do much else today. When I couldn't be on my computer reading it, I was on my phone soaking it all up! I am absolutely in love with Darik and Haylee and am very anxious to read the rest. I couldn't flip the page fast enough and was shocked when it ended where it did. GREAT story, great characters, great read. I have nothing negative at all to say about this other than that I need more =)

Would be shocked if you didn't get an agent soon with this!

Andrea
A Perception of Dreams

TaniaJohansson wrote 465 days ago

So, I know I have already commented on this book, but I have now read all the way through. It is brilliant. My only problem now is that I cannot read the rest of it!
You are obviously such a talented author and I wish you all the best!!

TaniaJohansson wrote 467 days ago

Where to start? I Loved this book (yes capital L)! It has me completley hooked. I am up to chapter seven and will continue reading. It is so well written. Your dialogue in particular is excellent. The conversations feel completely real and natural.
The premise for the story is so interesting and from the off you built the suspense brilliantly. I found myself neglecting other things to find more time to read your book.
I immediately felt captured by Haylee. Amazing characterization.
To sum this up, I want this book on my bookshelf...my actual bookshelf (and of course on my kindle).
I wish you all the best with this! You deserve success with such a fantastic manuscript!

Oriax wrote 508 days ago

Hello Heather,
This really flows well. The dialogue is convincingly natural. I especially liked Haylee’s conversation with the sheriff. The description just enough to paint the scenery not too much to clutter the story with unecessary detail. You build up the suspense well, with the latch on the gate, the dog being attracted to something Haylee can’t see. Just one thing I thought of, the branch tapping against the window is a bit Wuthering Heights, and there it’s used to explain a dream sound of fingers tapping on the window. Would it be enough to have been woken by Lobo howling?

The end of paragraph six, chapter two is a bit strange:
‘Oddly, I felt drawn to the trail, awed by it somehow, but with this nagging sense of dread pressing up through it. I nearly took a step toward it…’ The sense of dread was pressing up through the trail?

I completely agree about the clown, they are horribly creepy. I like the way you say Haylee dropped the frame as if there had been a spider on it – exactly the right image for the situation.


Haylee certainly behaves like a cool customer, running after the dog into the woods that she has already had uneasy feelings about, in a thunderstorm, alone and leaving the house open behind her. By the time she is attacked by the pale man it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Haylee to be half dead with fear! What seems to me to be missing is emotion. Haylee doesn’t register much fear at all. The same thought struck me a little later on when Glenna explains that Lobo is probably dead. I’d have expected Haylee to be choked up.

Glenna and Derik don’t seem to speak the same language. Glenna is very formal and stiff and speaks English as though it isn’t her first language; Derik talks like a regular kind of guy. Is this a social signal?

Chapter four I liked the description of the roof garden, which seemed a very sensible idea, liked the elements of mystery you introduce, like the lack of children, the lack of rain. But I found the section with the old lady confusing. Haylee blinks and wonders how long she has been staring at the old lady without blinking, she turns to Derik and they start a rather irritable conversation that excludes the old lady altogether. I wondered whether there had been a flash forward and we were no longer in the red room.

I have enjoyed the story so far, you have a good idea and you write very well. The first section in our time, to my mind works better than the chapters set in the future. Partly I think because you need to do a lot of explaining and introduce new characters. We are always being told to drip feed the explanations, only bringing them in when you can’t do otherwise. Big chunks of background tend to crowd out character development; it’s hard to do both at the same time. In chapter 3 Glenna tells Haylee an awful lot, but asks very few questions. Maybe you could balance it up a little and let Haylee discover the strangeness of the place bit by bit for herself.
I’ve given this high stars and I’m leaving it on my watchlist to read on later.
Jane



Julio Guzman wrote 512 days ago

Hi!
Just read your first chapter and I liked it...a lot! The opening to this was simply classic, so dramatic lol. Your writing is so unique and from the way I'm seeing it, flawless. Your storytelling abilities are undeniable and your dialogue is realistic and flows very well. I'm looking forward to reading more of this!

Six stars, good luck!

OpheliaWrites wrote 574 days ago

Okay, I am not a gusher so the following is sincere and rarely said. I stayed up until midnight last night and, furthermore, neglected my duties at work most of the day yesterday to read your book "cover to cover". It is now on my shelf and I'm changing my rating from 5 stars to 6!

In general, Terra Incognito is a masterful dystopian love story with unusual characters that are far from stock and have the reader emotionally invested within minutes. Everything, from the cover design to the concept to the voice to the plot, thrills, engages, and keeps normally sane adults turning pages like mad people. The alternate reality that has been constructed is not only believable and livable, it also hearkens back to the classic "other worlds' like Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, a beautifully woven fabric of time and circumstance that makes the reader feel exactly like a modern-day Alice or Dorothy.

In a vamp-weary culture of readers, Terra Incognito's Pale Ones are a new breed of scary, creatures which, even after reading all the chapters posted, cannot be categorized so easily. Without ruining the plot for anyone else, I have to say that I was thrown for a loop a number of times, something rare for me also, and each time I was greatly pleased with the results.

I highly recommend this book to a whole host of readers: paranormal romance, mystery, dystopian, urban fantasy, sci-fi, the list goes on. If this were a movie (and it would make a great one by the way!!), I would rate it PG, perfectly suited for the young adult audience for which it was obviously intended.

Excellent work from a talented new author. Best of luck!!

R K Alan wrote 575 days ago

Hello, Heather, and thank you for a delightful read. I enjoyed your descriptive narrative as it enlivened the world for me. You have a keen attention to detail. Your dialogue, the banter between mother and daughter seemed genuine and unforced.

I noted an odd bit when she woke from a rumble (thunder I assume) and then reacted to a flash (lightening I presumed). This is out of sequence as lightening precedes thunder.

You set up the tension nicely as she struggled between normalcy, the death of her aunt and the dread that the reader senses around her. Very Hitchcock-like and works well to establish the tension.

Good luck with this and I'll return for more when I have more time. Ray

OpheliaWrites wrote 615 days ago

CH.1

I was drawn to the book by the cover, looking over a friend's shelf, and I am SO GLAD I ventured to read. Chapter one was flawless, engaging, exciting, etc. I love the name Lobo and your little trick at the beginning. It certainly worked! Starred and watchlisted!

DesiS. wrote 620 days ago

I know that a story is good when I get insomnia- in that I am staying up late reading what happens next instead of going to sleep, and am dead tired at work the next day! Where you shine is in your character development. I think the development of mystery around Derik was done especially well. After an initial slow start the pacing was done well.

Some things I was wondering about in the story- I am surprised that when she finds herself in the future Haylee doesn't think more about what she left behind-that all her family/ friends are dead ect. In Chapter 4 I keep wanting her to look for dates on the trophys or dates in the magazines- copy write dates in the books- if she is curious when the pale ones took over it, would seem she would look for these to get a clue about when society as we know it ended.

Editorial issues: Chapter 1(part 1) - "...I'm real sorry for you (your?) loss." Chapter Two- the fraction 3/4 comes up repeatedly- not sure what to make of this unusual typo- computer glitch? Examples- "Right, but 3/4" and " I 3/4 I've 3/4 I just haven't." and "...some other dimension, or 3/4 or something. I 3/4 I don't know." Section 16- "I3/4 I think so," "I'm fine 3/4 fine," and "But this3/4 water is 3/4 pretty 3/4 heavy."
Section 26- "I bulked (balked?),...

I did really enjoy this story and would love to know what happens next. Are you going to post more? 5 stars and backed. Hope this was helpful. Desi.

difloyd wrote 649 days ago

Thanks for supporting my sister, Ellise Weaver, and her book. It means a great deal to both of us. You might want to check out her new cover...I know she would love to know what you think and if you've finished the book. And to say a proper thank you I'll check out your book and give you high marks!

Thanks again,

Diane

tricia_d wrote 659 days ago

This is a book I've been coming back to read again and again. It's a story I've thought about all day while I'm supposed to be concentrating on other things. In other words, this is an outstanding book. I'm not a fan of books that have elements of time travel (I loathed The Time Traveler's Wife), so for you to sell me on this book-- well, this is quite an accomplishment.

Haylee is an unforgetable character- vulnerable, yet strong. I'm know I'm probably not supposed to like Derick, but I can't help it. He's rude, pessimistic, and powerful. But, the chemistry between Derick and Haylee is incredible early on, and I'm addicted to developing relationship between them. The Pale Ones (Amara) are frighteningly creepy.

The world-building here is masterful-- you gradually set up this futuristic world where fear rules, where powers are the norm, where everyone must learn to kill in order to survive.

I've only made it through the first eight sections, but as usual, I'll be back tonight for more. I think I'm going to be pretty disappointed when I finish the posted chapters because I'm not going to want this to end.

MichelleThuis wrote 661 days ago

ch 1. I feel like in the first section, something should be said about still feeling uneasy. No killer has been caught or found. Isn't she worried it could still be out there? I would be.

See, you are doing a good job of freaking me out. Especially in that second section. But it would feel more realistic if she were scared too. Characters in horror scenes are so often so oblivious to the fact that if they were a real human being, they'd be freaked out too. They just happy go lucky go check the window, etc. And never think about possible killer people/beasts/something still out there. :)

Enjoying this so far. Good writing. I don't like the 'so' at the beginning of the 'so, arms shaking' sentence in the first paragraph. It seems like it might be better without the so. However, I'm not sure about that.

Ok, at least now she's got some fear. Seems a little late though.

You seem to start quite a few sentences with 'so'. I think it might be a bad thing.

Her thought when her mom gets off the phone is too harsh. "Well, I should get going," as though nothing significant said. Why should she say good bye any other way? :)

Ok, if my aunt died a bloody death and I was in a home alone, my natural reaction would not be to take strange opening and closing gates and think I was over-reacting. My reaction would be, "Holy crap. I might be over-reacting, but I just went through a bad situation, so I'm ok with the fact that I am over-reacting. Seems natural. I am NOT sleeping here alone tonight. Even if it's silly. I'm just not."

If something came into the yard and the dog was outside, how did they not fight? Just a thought.

And really, I'm enjoying the writing and the story. But I feel like you're doing the usual, "Make my character dumber for the sake of the plot" mistake. I'd be freaked out if I were her. I'd be over-reacting, not under-reacting. Just a thought.

MichelleThuis wrote 661 days ago

ch 1. I love the opening sentence. So nonchalant. I really love it. I'll read more soon. :)

Heather Riffle wrote 665 days ago

Hi, Jacoba!

Thank you very much for you comment! Of course, I would love and appreciate any further feedback you have that might better my book, so feel free to message them through. As soon as I have done a little editing to the next few chapters, I'll post them and let you know. I hope they live up to your feelings thus far. Again, thank you, and I can hardly wait to hear what else you have to say! I really appreciate that you took the time to read Terra Incognita and comment.

Heather

Jacoba wrote 665 days ago

Hi,
I'm not usually the first to comment. Quite frankly considering how good this is, I'm surprised no one else has taken a look.
I read all four chapters and quickly became fully immersed in this story. You have set up a unique world here that immediately begs for so many questions about what has happened to the world and how Haylee has ended up there. Derek works so well as the tall dark handsome rescuer. I'm a sucker for a good romance and even in these earlier chapters you have begun to build up the tension between them.
There were some very minor nitpicks with editing. I can message them through to you if you like, but as story goes I think this is a winner. I really enjoyed it. If you post more, send me a message via my profile page and I'll read on, I'd like to know what happens.
I'll watchlist this for now,
Cheers Jacoba

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