Forgiveness Fits

Hello Audrey,
YARG Review

So I was immediately drawn to your book after you mentioned that it has a similar theme to Marita's "Grafitti Heaven" (probably my favorite book on here). And I totally agree! It's a bit more toned down though and the religious feel to it is heightened.

Anyways, I loved that the story is set in the 70's. I can pretty much picture how everyone would be dressed and how they would interact with each other. Right from the start you show what kind of person Caroline is. She's somewhat likable to the reader and an underdog to her classmates. Your dialogue was dead on although it felt a bit mature at times (it could just be me though, I grew up in a really urban neighborhood) Your descriptions were also perfectly vivid.

You took a novel labeled "Christian" and made it likable enough for it to appeal to a broader audience. I applaud you for that! It sort of reminds of "A Walk To Remember"...

Highly Starred! Best of Luck :)

This is a great book. It pulls the reader in, and reminds me of all the pain of school. All the things I hated and tried to get along with, and never could. Been there, done that! But what I like about this is the way you write with fluency, with genuine sentiment. It all fits. It is real. And already by the first few lines I wonder what is going to happen, I can feel the tension rising. Great stuff. All the best with this, highly rated and on my WL Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Forgiveness Fits is a perfect tale for our modern world. Though set in the past, it will appeal to young adult readers today searching for answers and guidance, and just trying to define who they are and where they fit into the world.

Author Audrey Bennett has done what few Christian writers have accomplished, and that is to promote an uplifting, Christian message without being preachy and turning off the very readers who could get the most out of a book like this. Most of the novels I’ve read from this genre seem to have been penned in the 1950s, with unrealistic characters who don’t act at all like real teenagers today, or probably ever did outside of Leave it to Beaver.

In Forgiveness Fits we are instead given Caroline and Paul, who act real, speak like kids and have real problems to face. The dialog is spot on. Either Bennett works with kids of this age or has several. Their interactions are all realistic, just like the seemingly insurmountable problems they face – trying to be popular, tying to be good, forging a meaningful relationship, figuring out who they are, ect. Although adults may dismiss young people’s problems as unimportant, it’s only because we forget how huge it all seemed at the time. And not all mistakes made while young magically disappear once reaching “adulthood.”

The right book at the right time can change a life. And I think that Forgiveness Fits could be that book for a lot of kids looking for answers. This should be published by Harper Collins or someone else. Not only would it prove popular in terms of sales and critical reviews, but it would help a lot of young people and, if only in small ways, make society a better place.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

YARG Review (of what I've read so far)
I'm a few chapters into this and have really enjoyed everything so far. The narrative is extremely easy to read/follow while still being very engaging. The main character is very relatable. Unlike a lot of YA Christian books I have read, your MC is very comfortable with her faith without being pious or unrealistic. I also appreciate that while it is a Christian book, the kids talk the way kids talk. You don't sugar coat or gloss over terms. I'm very anxious to get to the rest of it.

Well written, well composed and carefully edited, this is a fully formed book with so much to recommend. It's not my area of expertise - never been in High School, never been female - but I've read many examples of the genre on this site and this is self-evidently one of the very best I've come across. You know your subject, teenage relationships, with the additional benefit of having expertise in the sporting references, both areas which a YA readership will relish.

Great hook at the end of chapter five, 'I didn't think having one, or two, of his kisses would be enough. I knew I'd want many, many more' reveals so much about being a fifteen year old girl and is guaranteed to resonate with your target audience.

I've made no attempt to look for errors, far too presumptuous, but contented myself with evaluating the storyline and its effectiveness. This is a well written book that does exactly what it sets out to do. If only all books worked so well. Belatedly, on my shelf with pleasure.

Jake

At first I thought this was an autobiographical story because the characters are so well drawn and the emotions are so raw - but reading the reviews it would appear that a lot of people can relate to this situation, the lonely emptiness of being ignored in a crowd, the spite, the sheer nastiness that prevails on an enormous school ...
I found it easy to read, the flow is perfect, the plot well developed.
Audrey, I can see how it got rated so highly and I wish you all the best with it.
Brendan

I really found myself drawn to this and the images and emotions from the school will sound familar to many I'm sure. Will continue to read - Great work! Michelle - 43 Primrose Avenue

Good opening

nice :)

Wonderful story!

You have enough comments...

Six stars!

Neat. You tap into many adolescent anxieties and do it well. Backed. LarA
A RELATIVE INVASION

Hi Audrey,

Just dropping by to update my 6 star rating of this wonderful book! This is your month, Audrey. Hang in there! :)

~Faith

Hi Audrey,

I noticed that you had dropped a spot with five days to go, so I thought I would add a short comment of encouragement to 'hang in there' and update my 6-star rating in hopes of providing a small boost to keep you in the top 5 for the remaining days. God bless you and your book . . .

Robert

Hello Audrey...well, I came by to read three chapters, write a brief comment, and click on six stars to give the book a final small boost, and I ended up reading ten chapters. Forgiveness Fits has been on my bookshelf for eleven months now. You should get the award for patient endurance and persistence. It is no surprize to me that it is in the top five as the month closes out. It has been a while since I have read it. Seems to me to be more polished with added information and some other things edited out. This new version is very tight, smooth, and crystal clear. The time working on it has paid off. One nice spin-off from all of the fine-tuning is that it has raised the level of your writing, which will benefit each book you write from here on. For some reason I really enjoy the characters of Caroline and Paul...they are very special. God bless you. Bart Jahn

Hi Audrey,

I enjoyed the opening chapter of your book 'Foregiveness Fits,' with the spitefulness directed towards the new kid at school, Caroline.

I also liked the lack of sympathy by Mrs O'Hagerty,the school counselor compounding the issue.

You have done very well with it. High stars from me.

Carol Jefferies

(Love for Lilian)
(A Prince Unboyed)
(A Kinsman's Chattel)

A BHCG review

I think the plot is good, the struggle to fit in, then the bullying, the chase twist and then it will move onto the beating and sexual assault.
It’s a strong plot, and I think it is something that people can (although not in this extremity) relate too.
But at the same time, it does bring up the issue of bullying, sexual assault and people standing by and watching (like O’Hagerty).

I struggled with the pace, it seemed perfect at the start of the first chapter, but as the chapter went on, it just started to lag. I struggle to keep interest (but with the pace not the plot) and then see 22+ chapters, would if I had bought the book have made me give up (90,000 words is quite long for YA... don’t quote me but I think they are 50,000 – 80,000) For a YA novel, I’d expect it to move on a lot quicker. YA audiences want to get to the ‘juicy’ bits... well I do.

You keep going back to the ‘new kid’ issue, i.e Caroline thinks about how things used to be, but I sometimes found it to be unnecessary, the reader knows she is new, and has read about her old life, if you keep going back to it, it just drags the story back to the ‘new kid’ issue and not moving forward to the ‘love’ story or even the being hated part... because although it started as a ‘new kid’ thing it has now evolved, and now the audience knows the reason behind it, although Caroline doesn’t it’s not too necessary to tell the audience her every thought about old life

I sometimes find it helps to think of plot in film terms... if a piece of information doesn’t move the plot onwards to the end goal, then unless it add something (like a laugh, some spectacle or obviously something planted for later use) it’s might be worth taking it out... and see if the story still works without it.

The characters are interesting but also generic (which helps audiences connect with the character) i.e there is always the school bully etc, but then I think when the plot become serious, with the sexual assault, the characters are far enough away from the stereotypical bully that it will be believed they could do something like that. I found myself guessing what characters are going to be like what will they do next etc and that’s the best way to keep a reader reading

I like the Monaghen’s (I think I’ve spelt that wrong) I hope they are in it more.

I got a bit confused about the character Lauren. I’m sure I read she was a new student as well, but had joined at the start of the second semester. But then Caroline says “Mrs.Ferrara has known you your whole life. Our counsellor knows all your sisters. They like you”... I re-read it, but couldn’t see anything that made Lauren not be a new student but has known Mrs.Ferrara her whole life... unless it was supposed to be sarcastic... Just maybe look it over and try to make it clearer if it was. Is Lauren from the same town, just switched schools, so knew everyone already?
Unless I’ve misread something, or missed something.

I liked the guessing game (as I only read to chapter three, excuse this if it is wrong) but I’m guessing Lauren will hate Caroline for dating Paul... and I like it when in Chapter three I got the ‘ahh’ moment when I realised Lauren liked Paul as well... knowing from your pitch that it’s Paul and Caroline’s love story. And then the ‘hmm’ moment when we find out Lauren has a crush on someone else. It keeps the audience’s attention, does Lauren like Paul that way or not.

I like how we see into different POVs. The dramatic irony of it really adds to the plot, allowing the audience to know that little something that other character’s don’t (like, Chase liking Caroline) really gives it an edge, rather than having a “oh, Chase likes Caroline, that’s why he acted that way” moment later on, it ...

I’d prefer the POVs to be split into chapters, it might make your chapters short, but, changing POV mid chapter, didn’t help with the pace, it to me, made it slower. So actually having shorter chapters could help with the pace, as it will speed up sections. I know it might seem like you have only a page in some chapters, but a lot of books with different POVs do that, It helps with the understanding of changing POVs.

In chapter Three for example, you have Caroline enter the courtyard, and then it mentions her home-made sandwiches and her bible. We are then taken to Paul, who looks out over a window, watched Caroline enter, and then sit down get a ‘book’ out of her bag etc... the over lapping, can work great if it’s something really important, something the audience should know (like in crime, one person sees this, and then it reaps and shows another POV that actually saw something elst) but with that, it just felt like it was adding another piece of detail that (unless important later) was unnecessary for the plot. I would recommend taking that paragraph out, and “but Lauren’s few moments... anyone else would like her” and then onto Paul...

Apart from the pace, the voice is consistent. Descriptions can be a bit long sometimes... the description of Mrs O’Hagerty just felt long, unless she is to become more important later on. I’m not sure if it was a mistake, but it says her hair was the colour between gold and silver, between yellow and white... it didn’t make much sense to me... the two variations... so i put it down to a mistake.

I found the dialogue easy to read and it had a good flow. I liked reading Caroline’s thoughts to her dialogue, especially when chastising herself for being sarcastic.

There was one point, where I was unsure as to what she meant in her speech...
“It’s all right. They had mortgage Insurance...” Chapter 1... I wondered if, it’s all right to ask... or it’s all right (her current circumstances financially) we had mortgage insurance... It might be best to split that section up with a speech tag... so “It’s all right” she said “they had....” or keep it together if it was the latter. It just allows the reader to know what she was meaning.
I didn’t notice any other dialogue doing that. But just make sure there is no ambiguity in how dialogue is structured that people could mis-read the meaning.

As Julio said, the Christian aspect of the novel isn’t dominant so it will be likeable for a broader audience.

But unlike Julio... Why is it set in 1975, is there a reason, as for a YA audience they might relate to it more if it was set now... A YA audience would not have been born in the 70s, so they can’t directly relate to that aspect (Julio mentioned nostalgia when reading it etc)... does it have any bearing on the plot... it’s something to consider, the other idea is for it not to be for YA... I think the plot is serious enough that it can be for an older audience. It wouldn’t mean changing anything, the characters are at the right maturity to appeal to an older reader etc

I only read to the end of Chapter 3, but skipped ahead to see how much you had put up and see where the story was in chapter 22... From what I see the whole explosive part of the story is yet to come... from the pitch and tags, obviously Paul gets beaten up and I’ve guessed she gets sexually assault... and I think from the way you write, it will be well written.

Just keep an eye on the pacing, and make sure the reader has something ‘juicy’ every few chapters, otherwise they might find themselves struggling to continue if, they are just waiting for the beating etc to happen.

It has defiantly got the potential to be a great novel, just for me it lacked pace and flow of the plot (and for me pace is key to getting into a book). But saying that if I walked into a book shop I would buy the book (the plot intrigues me), but after 3-4 chapter I'd struggle if the pace didn't speed up.

RAS1010
BattleDress

Hi Audrey
It is always a pleasure to read a piece of work which addresses contemporary issues in an easy to follow way. I am sure many past and present students will find something to identify with. Well done.

I like the writing in this book and the theme of forgiveness that runs through it. I want to see how the people involved can get past what has happened to give real forgiveness and live whole lives. Its on my watchlist. Well done.

I like the writing in this book and the theme of forgiveness that runs through it. I want to see how the people involved can get past what has happened to give real forgiveness and live whole lives. Its on my watchlist. Well done.

I loved the book and the way it was discriptive but I want to know more what will happen.. I got to page 22 and couldn't find the next chapter on it.. Can someone help me? cause I so want to know more what well happens to Paul and Caroline and if they make it threw all the bulling. And what well happen to Chase and his friends for what they had done.

I loved the book and the way it was discriptive but I want to know more what will happen.. I got to page 22 and couldn't find the next chapter on it.. Can someone help me? cause I so want to know more what well happens to Paul and Caroline and if they make it threw all the bulling. And what well happen to Chase and his friends for what they had done.

I really enjoyed this. It is very well written and draws you in very quickly. You immediately relate to the main characters. It brings back memories (distant ones, I admit) of my own time at school. And it's good to see a book with Christian content doing well here.

This is full of susbstance and relevance. It's a great teen read, but this 47 year old loved it too.

Kristi

Casting Shadows

P.S. I'm trying to figure out how to manage my bookshelf so I can add this to it.

BHCG Review of “Forgiveness Fits”


Well, the plot isn’t the type is usually get attached to, so I’m going to focus on the characterization of this story for my review. I had an uncle who was in the military during my and my cousins’ childhoods, so they were moving to different schools and neighborhoods every four or five years while they were growing up. I never got the full story of how difficult that must have been, but the isolation such a life creates from people who have stayed with a familiar community of friends is shown to me very clearly in this story.

More than that, Caroline moves to a school where the kids are already very isolationist and seem to create elite groups that bully and put down outsiders to make themselves feel special. It’s a type of emotional abuse that is way too much ignored, and you even demonstrated this issue when Caroline seeks help from her counselor Mrs. O’Hagerty. That hag dismisses clear pornographic and mental harassment as a common prank and tells her not to seek attention. “It’s just not welcome here”. I’ve heard that before. It’s not how people meant to help should act and respond, and Caroline is left alone.

The pacing of the story is a bit slow for me, but I’m probably not the best judge on this genre. I did like it when Barbara gave Caroline the babysitting job with her eight children, it was wonderful for her to have that to connect to the community through and the little kids seemed to like her. Then there’s the little group of misfits: Caroline, Joey, Damon, Terri and Emily, all forming their own group to support each other against the bullying, even if their not quite as close as Caroline would have liked.

Paul is given a good story, and the reader learns about him little by little with each chapter. It’s a good way to introduce a main or secondary main character, and the reader gets to figure them out like putting together a puzzle. Since they each have their own story arc before and even while meeting each other, Paul and Caroline remain interesting characters and it’s that much more satisfying to see them grow to love and depend on each other through traumatic times.

Hi Audrey,

I like what I've had time to read of your rewritten story (I liked the first version, too, but the changes gave you more freedom to add depth to the story). Congratulations for reaching the top five, and still climbing. I've updated my 6-star rating and will continue to keep you on my bookshelf until you make the ED.

Robert

I'm so happy to see this wonderful book in the top five! Hang in there, Audrey! :)

~Faith

Hello.

A few brief observations.

I would suggest looking at your dialogue. Teenagers don't really talk like that to each other so it feels false.

The title is not great. Something a bit less obvious and preachy might help.

This pitch is pretty good, though. It reads like a professional book blurb.

All very best with it.

CLF Review

I've read the first 2 chapters again, and they are still as good as the frist time I read them. Easy to read, well-written, well thought out and paced, there's nothing much to crit here.

You should be very proud of your work, and I'm sure it will find a home in a publishing house one day, if it hasn't already.

Best,
Dyane,
The Purple Morrow
Wolf's Bane (sequel)

Audrey, your account is so believable. I thought I was back in the seventies all over again. I like the way you build up your characters and support them throughout the book. You have made the story and obviously given the story a lot of thought and it must have taken even longer to plan it out. I will score this high. well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R)...Please consider me for a read or watch list. Happy New Year. Sean

Hi Audrey,

I only read the first chapter but was drawn to the characters and began seeing how they 'ticked', something many writers find hard to do. A story is so beleivable if you can see and hear the characters. Your descriptive work is superb and you take time and care to gradually make the reader aware of small detail that is folded away in the pros; almost overlooked when read but stored in the readers mind to add feeling, tension, or character trait. I will read some more and let you know.

Raithe
The Trojan Towers

Audrey,
YARG review.

I was drawn to this book by the pitch a long time ago and have been intending to read it. After reading the first three chapters I cannot say it's any less compelling. I like how you switch between multiple life styles and personality to show us why it is these kids are doing what they do. Caroline is such a believable beautiful character and it's a little saddening to thing that it's true, a tender heart wouldn't do well in a big school. That said I like how even though she doesn't know it, others are noticing her.
I didn't see any typos or grammatical anything to point out, this is very well edited. I'll be back to read more no doubt.
God bless

Audrey, interesting story. I'm sure it will come later, but I'm having difficulty with how Tim could sit and talk with Carolyn about a church group and plan to send the notes to her plus, the coldness of the counselor comes through. Your character's are strong. --emarie

Love the pitch! Can't wait to dig in! God bless and good luck with your writing!!

Audrey
Going back to your book today reminds me of why it is on my bookshelf. It is extremely well-written with important themes, defined characters and authentic relationships. How I cringed when Mrs O'Hagerty told Caroline that 'Attention seeking never works. It's just not welcome here'.
Caroline comes across from the outset as a likeable, considerate character and Paul is equally likeable with an easy-going manner. The reader is rooting for them from the beginning. Chase on the otherhand has the reader recoiling by his behaviour and attitude eg 'the coming school year ... he'd nail Caroline MacDougall'. Knowing that he is attracted to Caroline creates tension as the reader can expect there to be more conflict - and changing the pov allows the reader to see Caroline from another perspective.
Continuing to read all 22 chapters I appreciated the way God, faith and christianity are incorporated into the story, but in a way that is directly relevant to the characters as opposed to a 'preaching' tone.
Not only is the relationship between Caroline and Paul skilfully developed, but also with her peers such as Lauren whom Caroline is at first distrustful of.
The themes and experiences the story describes are ones that young adults will be able to relate to.

Six stars and continued backing.

Maria (Georgina's Family)

I am sorry Audrey,
I had soooo many experiences in my life that told me forgiveness doesn't fit... FORGIVENESS NEVER FIT and here you are. Telling the opposite. I am still doubtful, but I read. If you convince me, You got my full support.

This book is a real look into the lives of youth and some of the complex issues that consume their world. This book was a very easy and smooth read. bullying and social validation are major issues among the youth today. I like the way you forge truth, relevance, and recovery through this work and the characters. It's great to have a novel like this that present the character and nature of Christ reflected through the life experiences and responses to circumstances. Not preachy but truly relevant and real. I love how real you made the characters. I work with high/middle school teens and this book would be a great read that would truly speak to their world. This book should definitely be published and in every high/ middle school in the nation.

This would be a great group read. You should possibly consider doing a high school tour promoting your book and supporting a anti bullying campaign. Just a niche idea for you to think of being that your book speak to the struggles that bullying entails along with a very inspirational message. Great book. I will support and highly rate this one. I pray you achieve great success. Eric

This book is a real look into the lives of youth and some of the complex issues that consume their world. This book was a very easy and smooth read. bullying and social validation are major issues among the youth today. I like the way you forge truth, relevance, and recovery through this work and the characters. It's great to have a novel like this that present the character and nature of Christ reflected through the life experiences and responses to circumstances. Not preachy but truly relevant and real. I love how real you made the characters. I work with high/middle school teens and this book would be a great read that would truly speak to their world. This book should definitely be published and in every high/ middle school in the nation.

This would be a great group read. You should possibly consider doing a high school tour promoting your book and supporting a anti bullying campaign. Just a niche idea for you to think of being that your book speak to the struggles that bullying entails along with a very inspirational message. Great book. I will support and highly rate this one. I pray you achieve great success. Eric

Nice plot!!!

YARG review
Hi Audrey
So I sat down hoping to finish the first part of this book, but having no idea at what point part 2 starts, and having a family tend to, I only read the first 4 chapters - sorry

Having said that, I really enjoyed all that I read so far. I love Caroline and Paul - but reading about Charlie and Lauren made me smile.
Well written - not going to point out any flaws... mostly because i didn't see any - i purely read for enjoyment :)

so i suppose this isn't a YARG 'review' but rather a YARG 'comment'
look forward to reading more!

Jaclyn x
It Never Happened

** The conversation between Caroline and Mrs. O'Hagerty .... sorry got the names mixed up!

Hi Audrey,

I think this is a great first chapter. It brings you right into the story and really makes you sympathise with Karen. I especially like the line where she finishes speaking to Caroline but continues to say in her mind 'isn't the distribution of pornography illegal or something'. This is clever writing.

Best,

Melissa
'Reconnecting'

You have a great pitch to draw in readers. Very smooth and flows well into the opening of the book. You have a great writing voice. The book really pulls in the reader, without any flaws to catch them up. The dialogue is easy to follow and brings together the story. However, I have seen much for how your characters look yet, and for a reader having that description can really open a scene. Also thoughts such as "And isn't the distribution of pornography illegal or something?" can go in italics, it helps let the reader know what your character is thinking. You have a great first section of chapter one, really well-written. I would recommend when you change to Paul's scene maybes starting a new chapter, it is just a little abrupt. Overall your story is great. I think this has a real chance, and I will put it on my watchlist for now, until I get a chance to place it on my shelve. Best of luck.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

Sorry for the delay...I'm on my tablet which won't let me back it, I was able to shelve your work and wish you great success! 1 Love~

On my shelf. Excellent. High Stars.

Beautifully written, high stars

Cathy x

Im sorry Audrey, I meant to comment on your book earlier (my wife l;pointed it to me) bt am still getting used to his site. Okay, I'm sold, I saw the tag 'Christian', didn't think i'd like it, but really this is oustanding writing and I really related to it having been bullied for my beliefs (at school), very nice work I hope to see it in teh bookshelves some day. Six stars and good luck, Brian

Nicely done, you make the genre your own. I backed this once upon a time, will back again.

blessings!
jim

This story started fine then got strange. The initial conversation with Tim and Caroline is unnatural. Why would school kids talk about their parents at first meeting. They would be talking about activities or favourite lessons or music or fashion or games but not about parents.

Anyway, still reading

I love everything about this book ad I'm not even a Christian. I hope it makes it into print Audrey, I would love to have this on my real bookshelf. Barry

Audrey...I can see why your book is just about to hit the desk! It's a great story and perfect for young adult readers. Your conversations are so natural that I almost felt like I was eavesdropping. That's a gift. (Not my eavesdropping, but your skill at creating believable conversations) (winks) I've read your beginning chapters and will return to read fully, as your book leaves me no choice! I have given you six stars and leave with a smile.
Linda
Children Walking with Jesus
and
Daniel Simmons Journey

Hi Audrey, just finished reading what you've uploaded. . . In two sittings it was that good. Honestly couldn't put it down and thoroughly enjoyed. I only intended reading a few chapters but you had me completely hooked and had to carry on. I am not a religious person at all and i felt that this still did not make me want to stop reading . . Like it has unfortunately done with several novels on here. There war just enough in there for the religious type but not to much to push others away. . . Very clever.
Fast forward to the mid 80s and i am there at school. Characters were very believable and i can't wait for you to upload more. Full stars and staying on my bookshelf. . . Leaving only 3 spaces due to keeping another novel there too.
Best of luck with this it deserves to be at the top of the pile.

Andy H
Killed By Her Past

BHCG

This is on all the MS as uploaded. It is excruciatingly long. Let me know if it is too much so and I can get rid of some of it if you'd like - or copy it and email to you.

This is the first BHCG review I've done - would you be able to let me know if it is okay?

Thanks,Tara

Plot – opening, narrative flow/momentum
I found myself completely hooked from the beginning of this story. I did find at times I was a little frustrated at not knowing what was going on and why everyone was being so nasty to Caroline, on the other hand I can see it is a great incentive to keep on reading.
I think that Caroline’s relational problems – within the school – and the confidence issues that caused her are quite realistic. Sometimes within the story this is frustrating as the reader (not too much), I do think that it is understandable, and plausible.

Pacing – too much backstory or too little
I think you fit the backstory in nicely, interspersed here and there, giving enough at each point that it is not too overwhelming. I didn’t feel like the story was held up from moving forward at any stage.
I’m wondering about the length of the entire story? Personally I’ve found it grabbing the whole way through, and not too slow or too fast – just right… but is this going to be the same for a YA reader? We’re nearly fifty thousand words in and the big part of the story is just about to happen (I think!).

Characters/Characterization
I think you set up all the main characters really well already in the first chapter, with enough back story to get a pretty good feel for them.
I particularly like the different discomforts that Caroline and Paul experience as they get to know each other. I think you’ve handled this well.
Though Paul is pretty nervous to start with about befriending Caroline, because of her standoffishness, that seems to disappear pretty quickly and he’s extremely confident thereafter. Comments like, “I can’t flirt with you with all those people watching,” are pretty honest and intentional…and brazen; you don’t think he’d feel he needs to still be careful not to scare her off? I think it works either way, it was just a thought that breezed through my mind.
I felt that their relationship grows and matures nicely. Seriously. Intentionally.
At the Christmas do at Paul’s place, I’m not sure that Caroline’s description of physical flaws of some of his friends are in character – it sounds a bit mean … and that doesn’t fit well with how I think of her. (I do like the way she’s analysing her own generalised judgmental ways here.)
Near the end of the uploaded MS – Caroline thinking about the two of them being in too deep – I get this, but I’m not sure that it fits quite right. I can’t even tell you what it is that isn’t right for me… it’s just a little off. I guess I’m not sure that she would be so deeply worried, when she is so deeply in love. I feel more like she might have these thoughts, but they’d be more fleeting and easily brushed away. They’re already talking about marriage and that doesn’t seem to freak her out.

Point of View/Voice
The switches between different voices are mostly clear.
I wonder whether Chase needs to sound less educated? But not sure.
I think Caroline’s internal struggles are realistic, her perception of those in authority after the bad experience with the school counsellor too. I wonder with her Bible reading, praying, church going and moral standards whether it might be natural for her to talk to God more often in her mind about her struggles with making friends, not being sarcastic etc… Pray silently?
Christmas do at Paul’s place – ‘he apologized to her for the problems I’d had last year’ – shouldn’t be I’d?
Going out with Lauren and Cam – ‘we both said, “Oh,” – I don’t think this is right POV? Again when ordering salads at the restaurant I think the POV gets a little not right? We?

Style – very subjective but good to know if it works or not for the reader
Works for me! Clear and concise. Easy to follow and understand.

Sentence level – grammar, repetitive structure, wordiness, unneeded phrases etc
I found this to be a nicely polished, clear and easy to read piece of work. What is there feels like it belongs, and pulls the story further along. Not many nitpicks for grammar, repetitiveness, I’ve put a few further down.
Indifferent coat – I like it, though I wonder if the first time you use it you should call it coat of indifference. I had to think about whether it was a real coat or symbolic at one point.  End of MS as uploaded – blanket of love. A nice contrast to coat of indifference.

Dialogue
I found the dialogue to be believable, and not that I know for sure, but it felt right for the 70’s setting.
Paul and Caroline seem to have an innate ability to communicate clearly. No great misunderstandings.

Originality
I guess the love story is not all that unique. Though I’ve not read a book dealing so much with the effects of bullying so clearly before.
Also the preciousness of sex within marriage was nice to see.

Publishability
Hard for me to comment here – I loved the book so far, and this is something I’d buy as a reader. But I love almost everything! 
Some nitpicks –
* But Barb had eight kids. I didn’t feel this fit very well tacked on the end of the paragraph. Perhaps you could extend the previous sentence with … all eight of them!
* When introduced to Paul, I found myself wondering how he knew all these up to date things about his old friends when he’d been away in LA three years…
*I found Paul’s movements at the beginning a little confusing – not too much – but going from his mom’s to his dad’s then straight to his mom’s cabin but with his dad.  I had to think about it. Not sure if it could be broken down and explained any simpler.
* ten, heavy gold chains (I think it reads more smoothly as: ten heavy gold chains)
* Near the end of the first Independent Living class, when Caroline wants to say “Must be rough,” it feels a little strange that it is now, after quite some time that her incident with Chase is coming up? Thought that would have been more at the beginning of the class than near the end…
* I didn’t know who many of the famous people mentioned or the RCA Victor dog is/were in the third chapter.
*Her compassion was surprising. I had to think about who the her was. Perhaps rather, Caroline was surprised by her compassion…
* Again, Caroline wanted to slap… I couldn’t place the last time… maybe no ‘again’.
*filled the noisy main hall with bulk and attitude – attitude sounds negative – which I guess if it is Caroline’s perception may be correct, but if it isn’t I’m not sure it is the best word? Would confidence substitute ?
*If in the previous year people had been friendly the first time they met Caroline and then froze her out after that, why doesn’t Lauren know why? Why didn’t she know last year? And why isn’t she approached this year? I guess I can see the answer to the this year question, as Chase has his sights on her, but I’m not sure about last year?
* If the girls your age are half as shallow as they are, (I think the ‘they are’ needs to be changed. I know the first time I read it I thought Barb was referring to the same group of girls in reference to themselves.)
*When she’s getting ready to go skiing and exercising like crazy, it says her parents yell at her. Isn’t it just her mom?
* After the double date, I’m not sure why Lauren is disappointed in Cam? From the descriptions, I took it he was smitten?
* Start of Ch 22 mentions her dad asleep and snoring.

** Edited to add: I'd be very interested in reading the rest of the MS... let me know if you publish any time!!!

YARG Review

Hi Audrey,

Just read the first chapter. Must say the concept of a Christian novel is a bit alien to me...we don't seem to have this category in the UK.

There's no doubt you write you well. You set the story up great in this first chapter and we get a brilliant insight into the characters at the heart of the novel.

I think it could be tightened up a little though. The first few paragraphs are a gold mine of the characters' story. Yet I just feel its rushed, like you want to get something bigger in the next chapter. Perhaps you could expand on that little?

Sometimes as well I think the dialogue comes across a little stilted. It could just flow a bit easier I feel.

Sorry for being brief but I'm on my iPad and its a pain to type!

Audrey--

Have had your book on my WL for a while, finally got to it. My regret is that I haven't gotten to it earlier. This is a great read. Admittedly, I have only read the first two chapters, but I can see this is going to be a good one.

Moving around a lot growing up, I can easily relate with Caroline's situtation. Often I felt like you described:

"...She knew how to be the new kid kid. But here, she was the only new face in a crowd of kids with lifelong friends and acquaintances. They avoided change and disruption...because they could. She missed the casting call, and now all the roles were filled..."

Being green to the scene is an unenviable position to be in admist an unwelcoming crowd.

I am eager to continue the read, as your writing skills are admirable. You pull me, the reader, directly into the story and I can easily imagine the scenery and emotion of the moment. I look forward to seeing how this story develops.

Chad Rose
Convoluted Christianity

Hi Audrey!

I like the style you have used in the book. You give enough detail to enable the reader see exactly what is happening.