Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 41246
date submitted 11.09.2011
date updated 01.10.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

ONE WRONG TURN

E M Delaney

A wrong turn in traffic leads Phillip Murphy spiraling down a road of tragedy, deception and accusations of his involvement in two homicides.

 

After regaining consciousness behind the wheel of his car, Atlanta police officers are jerking him out of it. An elderly woman lies dead in the street just fifty feet behind them. Phil insists he was carjacked but witnesses have a different story.

When opiates are found in his system during a blood test the charges turn into Vehicular Homicide. That would be a nightmare for anyone if they weren’t guilty, but are only the beginning of Phil’s troubles. Now his wallet has turned up at the scene of another homicide across town; the murder of an ex-professional football player…turned heroine dealer.

It would be hard to believe things could get any worse for Phillip Murphy, but they’re about to.


Agents / Publishers: emdelaneytheauthor@gmail.com
www.sites.google.com/site/emdelaneyauthor

 
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tags

, accused, car jacking, crime, detective, fight, imprisoned, incarcerated, murder, travel, wrongful conviction

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HarperCollins Wrote

‘One Wrong Turn’ is a book about an ordinary man’s misfortune, and the monstrous injustice which results from it. Phillip Murphy takes a wrong turning whilst driving to visit an old friend and ends up being arrested for running an elderly lady over. Phil insists that he was carjacked, but the police aren’t interested. A combination of factors, including the carelessness of a teenage girl and the ruthless ambition of an assistant District Attorney, serve to compound Phil’s situation. A brutal incarceration follows, succeeded by desperate fugitive flight. The book is crime fiction, with elements of thriller about it.

‘One Wrong Turn’ is fast paced, with high drama and tension keeping things ticking over. There are some nice touches – Detective Lumpkin’s sulky (and sexist) reveries about what he’d like to do to Jan Clifford made me chuckle in particular – and Dwayne Chevalier is an appealing figure for a reader: he knows his stuff, and is ‘on the level’. The scenes featuring Dwayne and his son Tim are some of the best, with their forensic investigations making for an engaging read. What I’d particularly highlight is the tremendous amount of injustice that Phil is subjected to – both personally, and in how the media and the ‘fact’ of his crime affects others’ perceptions. A reader is drawn in by their outrage at this, in a manner which reminded me a little of Patricia Highsmith’s work.

I feel that there are problems with style and character in ‘One Wrong Turn’. In terms of the former, the prose and dialogue come across slightly flat at times. One particular instance is in Chapter 24: the explanation ‘she pretended to say, acting as if she was having a conversation with someone at work’ detracts from the quality of the writing, and undermines the atmosphere. In terms of dialogue, the vocabulary used is entirely fine for the most part. My issue is with the other core element of dialogue, rhythm and mood. It’s a frustrating thing to pinpoint, as it’s hard to present precise examples – it’s one of the intangibles of writing, and I feel that it’s lacking in ‘One Wrong Turn’.

I also feel that some of the characters are a little on the flat side as well. Although she makes a gratifying hateable villain figure, Jan is arguably too much of a ruthless bitch, without much sense or depth to her other than her ambitious nature. I’d also suggest that Ashleigh is too good to be true – particularly when she comes to have sex with Phil in the night. It emerges from very little, and a less generous reader might feel that it’s more to console Phil for the rough time he’s having than anything else. This leads me on to the main problem I have with ‘One Wrong Turn’: Phil himself. Whilst he undoubtedly suffers awfully, there’s little of substance to commend Phil as a protagonist. He does a good job surviving, but I didn’t feel him as a character enough.

There’s a strong opposition of injustice vs. reward in ‘One Wrong Turn’, but not enough characterisation to make it stand out to me. A good moment to illustrate this is in Chapter 18, when Lisa and Ashleigh are brought round to Phil’s side on hearing his full tale – I thought to myself: the story is enough for them, but what about us?

Overall, I don’t feel that ‘One Wrong Turn’ is suitable for publication. Whilst the levels of injustice suffered by Phil – and the swift pacing of events – could arouse reader interest and/or sympathy, I just don’t think that it would stand out in the market. The basic formula is more than fine, but the book felt a little ‘off’ – it definitely has rewards for a patient reader, but I feel that it asks too much for what it gives back. One final point: in terms of how the story cuts between different strands and generates drama, it struck me that ‘One Wrong Turn’ might convert weakness into strength if it were tried out as a teleplay. It’s an area I’ve got some experience in, and I could see it fitting that form quite well – just a suggestion.

EMDelaney wrote 567 days ago

I would like to thank the folks at Harper Collins for their time to review One Wrong Turn. I will use the information in the review and appreciate the insight. This was my second attempt (The Write In was my first ED book) and with each experience, I learn. For those who read the review: Whether you agree or disagree is of no consequence to me. I am a novice and willingly admit that as you may have read in my comments before. While the opinion of one editor may be only one person, it is someone who reads from a professional standpoint and offers mere advice, based on that opinion. I try to concentrate on the positive things that are relayed in their message and combine them with work to better the mentioned shortcomings.

Imagine for a moment if Hawthorne and Longfellow would have had a tool like Authonomy at their disposal. I look at Authonomy like going to school. I've turned in my work, recieved the equivilent of about a C grade (LOL) and now I must go back to work and try to place yet another paper on the teacher's desk to be graded.

Once again, I want to thank everyone who supported One Wrong Turn, as well as The Write In on their way to the Editor's Desk. Thank you, Authonomy, for your review and attention in these efforts. I appreciate both your time and the site.

Emmett

EMDelaney wrote 690 days ago

UPDATE 5/28/2012

Once again I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has continued to support One Wrong Turn, send encouragement emails and those who have called / written. Thank you.

It probably couldn't have been worse timing to have to go on the road when one has a book in the number one position on Authonomy. LOL. Ironic, since my last book was about a truck driver as an MC. (More laughter - I have to laugh at it all since it would drive me nuts otherwise)

Having had literally no time for editing, the site or anything but work the past three months has taught me to understand how much I miss that very special time spent being creative, I've not been able to update the book as of yet. (I have finished the editing / re-write) This has caused the book to fall from #1 to less than 5 three times I think, which most would feel would be reason for grief but ironically I feel differently. For those of us who feel a genuine need to tell stories to others, it isn't notariety, fame or money that drives us, but moreover a sense of satisfaction gained by being read.

Thanks again for the support of One Wrong Turn and I'll hopefully have the revised version posted soon for next month so I might possibly be able to keep it in top five and get out of the way for others who follow with their wonderful stories.

My best to everyone.

Emmett

EMDelaney wrote 773 days ago

ATTENTION EVERYONE: (Note of response from the author)

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has read / commented / critisized / supported ONE WRONG TURN!!!! From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

As a novice writer I am of the firm belief that the reader is the final judge of a book. That said, it appears that many will judge differently and for varying reasons. I have tried to evaluate all the critique I've received carefully with emphasis on certain author's opinions whom I respect greatly. While as of today (March 8) you see no adjustments to the manuscript. Soon I will be uploading the revised version of One Wrong Turn. (Hopefully as it is on the ED)

Thank you


UPDATE:

Thanks everyone for the support you've shown while I have been absent during the last month. Recently I have had to take a job that has put me back on the road away from home and family as well as left me almost no time for writing, editing ir Authonomy. I am struggling to get the updates completed for One Wrong Turn posted so all can see that I have taken the crit, worked with it and hopefully bettered what many say was a good product to start with.

Today I logged on for the first time in 20 days to see the book at the #1 spot which I appreciate very much. Iam humble I assure you. My present personal situation has been very restrictive (I'm driving a truck over the road) and I have a week off coming up in which I will get the edited version posted.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone for your support and to those who are clued in on my situation and have been the utmost support. Thank You. There really are no words I could say in this trying time for me.

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 858 days ago

What a fantastic novel! I love the way it goes straight into the action. You can't help but feel sorry for Phillip Murphy. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The dialogue between Phillip and the cops is very authentic and fits the story perfectly. Your style of writing is straight to the point which is what I like. I only intended to read the first chapter but I got to chapter 3 and you have got me hungry for more! I will put One Wrong Turn on my watchlist to come back to later. No criticisms here. Publication must be around the corner surely. I will also check out The Write In. Well done.

Kim (Pain)

Bojack wrote 872 days ago

One Wrong Turn is a riviting read. From the start Delaney draws us in to a story that is harrowing. For me, the fact that a series of events such as those depicted in the opening pages could easily happen in the real world makes the book all the more fascinating. The writing style is taut and tough which perfectly fits the genre in general and this book in particular. I found mysely empathising with the protaganist and his visceral emotions as events veer wildly out of control. Phil is caught in a whirlwind of horror that leaves the reader speechless. I'm giving this six stars now, based on the opening. I'm also watchlisting it, as my bookshelf is full at the moment. When there's room, I'll shelve it. Great job!

Harry Hoplyn wrote 544 days ago

Good hook at the start made me want to read on. I have a little sympathy for the Harper Collins review about some of the characters being a little flat, but overall I felt they developed well enough for the purposes of the story. The plot moves along well.

AnnabelLester wrote 551 days ago

I didn't find this an easy read: too many unnecessary adjectives, too many 'hey, man' types of expressions. Personally I am not very keen on phonetic spellings. Got as far as end of Chapter 2, but lost interest in reading on.

made wrote 551 days ago

I have a feeling I have commented on this before but I'll say it again awesome read loved it

made wrote 551 days ago

This is just do good

Christopher Follest wrote 558 days ago

Great concept.

Aaron Overfield wrote 567 days ago

I've started to read One Wrong Turn after seeing your response to the HarperCollins review. Your response was so level-headed, accepting, and humble that I figured there must be a greater than great story ready to come out of you once you finely tune your craft. We all have room for improvement, but we don't all have the humility to recognize the true extent of that room.

You do.

EMDelaney wrote 567 days ago

I would like to thank the folks at Harper Collins for their time to review One Wrong Turn. I will use the information in the review and appreciate the insight. This was my second attempt (The Write In was my first ED book) and with each experience, I learn. For those who read the review: Whether you agree or disagree is of no consequence to me. I am a novice and willingly admit that as you may have read in my comments before. While the opinion of one editor may be only one person, it is someone who reads from a professional standpoint and offers mere advice, based on that opinion. I try to concentrate on the positive things that are relayed in their message and combine them with work to better the mentioned shortcomings.

Imagine for a moment if Hawthorne and Longfellow would have had a tool like Authonomy at their disposal. I look at Authonomy like going to school. I've turned in my work, recieved the equivilent of about a C grade (LOL) and now I must go back to work and try to place yet another paper on the teacher's desk to be graded.

Once again, I want to thank everyone who supported One Wrong Turn, as well as The Write In on their way to the Editor's Desk. Thank you, Authonomy, for your review and attention in these efforts. I appreciate both your time and the site.

Emmett

stearn37 wrote 594 days ago

Hi
Well done getting to the editors desk :-)
From
John stearn
Author of Derilium

Scott Toney wrote 626 days ago

Good job Emmett! Well deserved!

krishna Bhatt wrote 627 days ago

Sounds thrilling.

pickarooney wrote 629 days ago

I read this right through. The action is unrelenting and demands that the reader keep going. It needs a good line edit before being submitted so hopefully that won't count against you when your get your HC review - if you haven't had time to revise it since. I think there's no point in shelving it seeing it's at number 2 with three days to go but I'll give it six stars and would love to read the rest if and when it's published.

There are a few plot holes but I can forgive those as I can well believe that shoddy police work would miss a lot of clues in what looks like an open and shut case. They don't call in CSI to investigate every DNA fragment!

Richard
http://www.authonomy.com/books/44838/where-chana-sings/

MyNameIsLisa wrote 635 days ago

Emmett, you have a suspenseful plot and writing style. With some editing, this could be great. Hope you have time to post your revision soon. You're still in the top five with nine days to go, so July 2012 could be your month! Good luck and all the best, Lisa

Queen87Lizzy wrote 636 days ago

I simply love this book. Awesome writing. Wish I could've read the whole book. Hopefully soon my wish comes true. Thanks Ms. D for wonderful entertainment.

Catembi wrote 636 days ago

Great writing! Action right from the word go. So many books start well, & then disappoint, but this one doesn't. Thoroughly deserves the top spot. Good job!

Nasim Golaid wrote 636 days ago

Every bit worth the top spot. I won't ramble on as evidently the previous comments say it all. Personally I adore crime thrillers and writing of this sort. Clever, unique and intriguing, I only wish there was more to read... Murphy is in a bit of a pickle and I would love to see how it all ends.... of course when it is released in book shops!

Congratulations

Nasim
Memoirs of the Poor

junetee wrote 637 days ago

One Wrong Turn

Great book with lots of action. I was addicted from the very beginning.. Not normally my genre but I really enjoyed what I read.
Its written very proffessionally and I do hope this month it manages to stay where it deserves to be at the editors desk.
highly starred
junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star

E.Moncada wrote 641 days ago

Congratulations on being on the number one spot! I’ve read all the chapters that you have uploaded and I have really enjoyed reading your story. I wanted to keep reading more. The pitch is great; it instantly captures the reader’s attention.
I won’t point out any grammar errors as others have already mentioned that and I’m not an expert, but I do want to give my opinion on the plot itself. Please know that this is just my opinion and you can ignore it if you want.

It is an entertaining story but after reading the 13 chapters I felt confused and didn’t really believe that something like this would happen in real life. I was questioning too many things and kept on reading hoping that you would give me the answer. I’m sorry if you do explain in later chapters why the evidence at the scene of the crime does not take him off the suspects list.

First of all, when a crime is committed the scene is photographed and/or sketched and is searched right away for any physical evidence and I find it hard to believe that this was not done properly at all. You say that there was no way in determining where he was coming from in the video evidence the police got, and that is something that doesn’t seem right. If they know where the camera was placed and they have the sketches of the place how can they not know he was not coming from the direction of the car? Its obvious that the video, if it doesn’t get the car, does show the different way he is running to, when he’s going to get his cellphone to call the police, making the witnesses testimony invaluable and also helps in determining the direction he got there from.
You also said no fingerprints were searched and I wanted to know why, the whole time. There has to be fingerprints on the car, and the wallet that do not belong to Murphy. There can even be fibers from the perpetrator’s clothes, hair or any other evidence that could help solve the case. Another thing is, the glass evidence that is sure to be left behind where he parked his car or even minute pieces can be carried on the criminal’s shoes and clothes. The radial and concentric fracture lines in the glass that was broken can be used to determine the direction of the impact, which supports the testimony that Murphy gives of the events.
Also the opiates that are found in Murphy’s system that he did not take himself, seems to me like maybe the criminal drugged him so that he was found in the car. If this is so, and he did not take the drugs by choice someone had to have injected it into him. Right? So wouldn’t there be a needle mark somewhere in his body, where the direction that the needle pierced his skin can probably give away that he didn’t inject himself? Lastly, drugs are processed in the body for elimination at a certain rate, estimating the time of death of the woman and the concentration of the opiates in his body, couldn’t investigators figure out that he took the drugs after she was killed and so was not under the influence?

These are just a few of the questions I kept asking myself as I read. Maybe you have covered them in later chapters like I said, so if you have please ignore the above. Overall I found you to be a great writer and your dialogue is very good and believable.

I wish you the best,
Erika.

Sam Rivers wrote 650 days ago

It hurts

Doctor178 wrote 652 days ago

It's easy to see why this is number one on the list, very solid and professional writing that screams quality. Here's hoping it keeps going well for you. I can't add much that nobody else had added; I'm just looking forward to reading more!

ses7 wrote 657 days ago

I've seen this hovering near the desk and decided I'd better come read it. This is well written, and I'm sorry I missed it earlier. I read the first two chapters and got really engrossed in the story. I'll be coming back for more.

Highly rated. Let's keep this one on the desk this month! :-)

-Sarah E.S.
(Destiny of Species)

Kerrie Price wrote 658 days ago

I have just read the first chapter of your book, have put it on my Watchlist, and have rated it with six stars. You are a gifted storyteller, the pace suits the theme, and I think your book deserves to be published. However, I honestly believe you need to pay to have this professionally edited. I came across a number of spelling mistakes in the first half of the first chapter. and 'heroine' in your long pitch is obviously meant to be 'heroin'.

Although your job as a writer does not require you to be an editor, the fact is there are so many talented writers on Authonomy whose work is well edited, that you need the benefit of that same advantage. A good editor will do so much more for you than just correct errors.

Kerrie Price
THE GOD PLEASERS 40 day Study Guide

Che Hitler wrote 658 days ago

I was immediately thrown out of this by the first three words: "The lustrous glow..."
All glows are lustrous.
Lustrous means "having a glow".
So you start in essence with "The glowing glow..."
Why are you even trying to tell your readers what a glow looks like? I think you'll find they know.

yahweh wrote 660 days ago

I can imagine picking this up in my local library. Unfortunately, i don't think i would read past the first chapter or two. I hate to be the one saying that i'm not that interested after all the great comments and the like you've got, but i guess it just isn't for me.

With all that said, i did say i can imagine finding it on a library shelf, so there must be something in that.

Would you be kind enough, or indeed anyone reading this, to have a read of the novel i'm working on at the moment, and uploading on to authonomy, called 'A Very English Affair.' Leave a comment or back it or add it to a watchlist or whatever you feel. Thanks.

yahweh wrote 660 days ago

I can imagine picking this up in my local library. Unfortunately, i don't think i would read past the first chapter or two. I hate to be the one saying that i'm not that interested after all the great comments and the like you've got, but i guess it just isn't for me.

With all that said, i did say i can imagine finding it on a library shelf, so there must be something in that.

Would you be kind enough, or indeed anyone reading this, to have a read of the novel i'm working on at the moment, and uploading on to authonomy, called 'A Very English Affair.' Leave a comment or back it or add it to a watchlist or whatever you feel. Thanks.

R.E. Ader wrote 660 days ago

Excellent read, good luck with this.

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 663 days ago

E.M.,
It was non-stop action right from the start, and as the injustices against Phil snowballed, my own indignation grew, indicating how deeply I'd become entrenched in your tale. You have a penchant for conflict, piling the odds up against your protagonist incrementally until redemption looks hopeless, before allowing him a dramatic comeback. Thus was I glued to my chair, reading until I'd run out of pages. Your narrative is simply laid out and easy to follow, your dialogue realistic. Thank you so much for the enthralling read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Tonia Marlowe wrote 664 days ago

Let's all try to keep Emmett on the desk this month - third time lucky? It's a great book too or I would not support it again.

Joy Eastman wrote 670 days ago

I have just read the first chapter of this amazing book. I am anxious to continue. I see you have been in the top five on the editor's desk and just can't seem to stabilize there. I see you've been out of touch and doing some editing. I will be reading this and following your climb. 6 stars for a fantastic read.

Blessings Joy (God's Gracious Gift)

zap wrote 673 days ago

Hi Emmett,

from the start this book had me on the edge of my seat. Surely, this is due to a full set of writing tools being employed with skill and lavished out to full capacity. Dialogue and description go hand in hand and the atmosphere comes across as real and convincing. I did notice some typos, but who cares when the story is gripping and breath-taking? - I don't. The tension was great and the hooks such that I wanted to read on. Backed.

Ame
Wolfmother

janbeelandman wrote 675 days ago

Not naturally given to nit-picking I found myself constantly tripping over spelling errors and weird punctuation. The opening sentence contains "The ... glow ... reflected it's influence ...". That's embarrassing. And what on earth is a heroine dealer? A slave trader specialized in brave women? Some further editing might not be a complete waste of time.

Grace_Gallagher wrote 676 days ago

Hey mr E.,
I think you have a great premise and a very engaging style. My feedback is probably going to seem harsh, but I'm guessing you'd prefer constructive criticism? It's intended to be helpful - I wouldn't waste my time if I didn't think your book was good:

The opening sentence: 'reflected it's influence' should be 'reflected its influence' I don't really understand this sentence, to be honest. I can't make sense of it.
'Phil pressed his door lock.....' it should be 'ensure', not 'insure.' Personally, I'd break this sentence in half, it's too long.
'A sharp tug ' again this should be ensured not insured.
The carjacker - do you need to say he has a large frame? You say he looks like a linebacker - that's enough to paint a picture of him. Sometimes you are shoehorning physical descriptions in and it breaks the tension a little.
'Ironically, he didn't think...' this sentence reads very clumsily, especially the words 'sporting' and 'donning'
'One quick scratch off sound' I didn't get this. What's a a scratch off sound?
'all happened so fast' seems a bit cliched.
'He noticed the flash of break lights' this is a very long sentence. It's a key dynamic moment. A lot of your writing is so tense and exciting, this key moment isn't.
trench-type overcoat - just 'trenchcoat?"
'Despite the fact that her complexion was dark...' again ,I don't understand this. Why would the colour of her complexion have an influence on the lights? Do you mean despite the area being well lit, her complexion was dark?

Hope this helps. I think you should find the time for a tidy up before the end of the month because you have something really great here, and it'd be a shame if the editor didn't like it because of these niggles.

GG x

Raymond Terry wrote 677 days ago

So, Here is Emmett, on my shelf for the third time and slipping against the ratings. We all need to see him stay up and this means YOU!

If you have accompanied this author for any length of his sojourn here at Autho, you will know without prompting that he is an accomplished story teller with an originality that is rare. Witness 'The Write In', where we learn the capabilities of an ordinary citizen faced with a national office he is not campaigning to acquire. Witness also the transformation of a racist boy at the hands of a swamp woman in 'Miracle in The Swamp', and grasp, with white knuckles, your chair, as Philip Murphy slides down the razor blade of our vastly inferior justice system here in 'One Wrong Turn'.

Without further varnish, I urge each of you to campaign your 'friend list' and encourage shelving and starring (mimimum of six(6) please,), so that 'One Wrong Turn' does not slip beyond the redemption we are all capable of offering.

Two short weeks remain. The time is now. RT

Darius Park wrote 686 days ago

Good luck this time around Emmett! On my shelf till you make it. Cheers.














Sue50 wrote 688 days ago

Your book was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. Your writing is outstanding! Happy to BACK you.
Sue50

EMDelaney wrote 690 days ago

UPDATE 5/28/2012

Once again I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who has continued to support One Wrong Turn, send encouragement emails and those who have called / written. Thank you.

It probably couldn't have been worse timing to have to go on the road when one has a book in the number one position on Authonomy. LOL. Ironic, since my last book was about a truck driver as an MC. (More laughter - I have to laugh at it all since it would drive me nuts otherwise)

Having had literally no time for editing, the site or anything but work the past three months has taught me to understand how much I miss that very special time spent being creative, I've not been able to update the book as of yet. (I have finished the editing / re-write) This has caused the book to fall from #1 to less than 5 three times I think, which most would feel would be reason for grief but ironically I feel differently. For those of us who feel a genuine need to tell stories to others, it isn't notariety, fame or money that drives us, but moreover a sense of satisfaction gained by being read.

Thanks again for the support of One Wrong Turn and I'll hopefully have the revised version posted soon for next month so I might possibly be able to keep it in top five and get out of the way for others who follow with their wonderful stories.

My best to everyone.

Emmett

Scott Toney wrote 696 days ago

I've given you six stars in hopes that this will help you maintain #5! Have a great day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity, Eden Legacy and Lazarus, Man

Sue50 wrote 697 days ago

What a page turner! This definitely needs to be on the editor's desk! Happy to BACK your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck!
Sue50

Daniel Rider wrote 707 days ago

What a fantastic opening for a novel! You set the scene quickly and the story starts rolling right away. This is some compelling stuff, and already in one chapter, I'm hooked. I can easily see why your book is at the top, and I hope you get to the ED this round.

That said, there are two points I'd suggest working on.

First, I found it hard to believe Phil would just stop to call his friends in a clearly shady area. Okay, it's possible, but we don't have enough info on him to believe this action. If he had an arrogant trust in his protection within a locked car, maybe. Or if he parked in a place he thought he was concealed. This just seemed like a very rash action, and made me unsure what I was supposed to think about the character.

Second, work on comma splices, as in "The sign says exit 42, which ramp should I take?" Here you have two individual sentences, so you need a period. I noticed several of these, and found they took away my enjoyment of an otherwise awesome piece.

Well done on this, and good luck!

Daniel Rider

Tony C wrote 708 days ago

Great in the way in which the novel leaps forward straight into the action, layering one significant problem after the other. As a Brit, the dialogue comes across as authentic, tough and topical.
Can't promise when I'll read the next chapters, but will try to read some more soon.

Tony C wrote 708 days ago

Great in the way in which the novel leaps forward straight into the action, layering one significant problem after the other. As a Brit, the dialogue comes across as authentic, tough and topical.
Can't promise when I'll read the next chapters, but will try to read some more soon.

thomaski wrote 709 days ago

This deserves to be on the editors desk. This is one of the best books I have read so far
Regs Tom

Cotton0618 wrote 715 days ago

I was able to read the first ten chapters, and I was very impressed with your writing. I loved the characters in your book, Chevallier, etc. I'm definitely backing your book!
Debbie Wilson
(Sweet Scent of Justice)

hadley wrote 717 days ago

Fast paced,chilling and yet disturbing as we find ourselves immersed in an unfortunate event of a person caught up in horrible nightmare! Your description of Phil's frustration and new found circumstances really pulls the reader in and has one hoping and rooting for justice. Somehow the weak character of Phil doesn't seem to fit this heinous crime. I am anxiously awaiting the twist of the switch of the cellphone.....More!!!!
Mary ann, "Agent H"

Davidmauriceware wrote 718 days ago

Outstanding , plain and simple . A must read

EMDelaney wrote 718 days ago

Really, really good.

Best W. Mary




Thank you, Mary. As far as I am concerned, a book can't really be considered serious material until 'Readaholic' has endorsed it.

Emmett

wagid62 wrote 719 days ago

I like to comment as a reader, not an editor. Hands down and excellent read. Would like to read the rest of it. I am going to put your other books on my wl and take a look at them when i can. Really good work, congratulations.
The only editorial comment I wil make is in ch 5 'flee' should be 'flea'. I'm anal about spelling, just ask my kids.
Best of Luck.
If you have a minute, which i'm sure you don't I could use some feedback on
SERVED COLD.
M Cirillo

readaholic wrote 722 days ago

Really, really good.

Best W. Mary

Wilma1 wrote 725 days ago

Wow this is one bad day. Nice tension to pull in the reader and get us interested. I dont know if you are writing just for the American market but some of the slang is lost on me. Apart from that this is well concievied and has an interesting twist. I wish you luck with your HC review
Sue
Knowing Liam Riley
One Foort in the Jungle

bigmouth wrote 725 days ago

A great concept and the pace is good - this is an exciting read.

One small thing to say upfront, and this can apply to the majority of authonomy manuscripts I read, the first paragraph feels over-written and a bit clunky. It is as if you are trying too hard. Actually, that first sentence sets the wrong tone. It tells me that I am going to read something a bit clunky and laboured, which would be unfair.

All genre fiction has its own cliches and tell-tale traits,and the opening chapters do show some of these, not always in a good way. You have a tendency to offer too much information at moments when less is more. One sentence that stood out in this way was:

A sharp tug on Phil's shoulder-length blonde hair insured his compliance as the man jerked his one-hundred-fifty-five pound frame out easily.

You've slipped details of your main character's hair and weight in what should be quite an exciting, thrilling sentence. You slow the action down with detail we don't really need to know at this stage. The opening of the book is all about the set-up and the action.

A phrase like 'insured his compliance' feels a bit clunky to me. By which I mean that it doesn't sound natural, the way people usually speak. It sounds more like the formal language police officers use in statements.

So, you have a strong premise and can handle pace very well but I would recommend going through the current version with a red pen and taking out anything which slows the reader down. Lose some of the baggage and you will have a tighter, tauter story.

Best of luck, I think you are potentially on the way to having a very good book on your hands.

Cyrus Hood wrote 732 days ago

Hi Emmett, I have just cleared all my books from Authonomy and posted a new work, Hellion 2. There are issues within this work that I am most anxious to get right. Would you please take a look and let me know if there is anything that you feel might cause offence, regarding the holocaust.

many thanks

Cyrus