Solian Chronicles: Pluto Genesis

My knowledge of sci-fi is very limited at best; while I am a fan of Adams, Pohl and Clark (and "Doctor Who" of course because who isn't a fan?), I've never truly delved into the genre. With that said, I am enjoying what I have read this far (which as of this moment isn't very much at all).

I'm greatly intrigued by the plot and feel that your writing is very rich and sweeping without getting into the melodramatic and ridiculous. I like that this is written without dryness or heaviness in regards to the mechanics of space travel and the like. It is done with a smoothness that allows the less informed like myself to understand the gist of things without bogging down the pace for those more inclined to already know these things.

I believe that this is a book that can be easily read and enjoyed by anyone browsing the bookstore shelves (physical or otherwise), and I greatly look forward to discovering all the rest this novel has in store.

Thank you for this piece and congratulations on such a fine job.

C. E. Frizzell
Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally

I am a regular reader of scifi so I am always looking for the next book to read. This is one of those books. After reading several chapters I was captivated and hooked. I enjoyed the good writing and the way in which the story flowed. It was interesting and definately fiction but while you are reading it you could swear it is something that could be happening sometime in the near future. The excellent writing is what makes this book a joy to read. I would suggest it to everyone who enjoys good scifi reading. BJC

Hi MDWS77,
I have read the first few chapters of your book, and I think it is fantastic. Although Science fiction is not my favourite genre, (Probably because the majority of time it is not done well.)So far I am enjoying what I have read, and I find it taking me back to my childhood, with star wars (similar to the coalition in my mind are similar to the rebel forces)and star trek (Your way of describing technologies used.) style images popping up in my head. (Which is great cause I loved star wars.) You really do take people to another universe. I am going to get my husband to read this too, as it is his style more than mine. I am backing your book, plus six stars, as although not something I would usually buy for myself, It is what I would buy for my hubby.
Lindsay
Vanessa Helsing

I would just like to say "Wow!". What a fantastic story! From the very first page, I was transported to a whole new universe. Very well written, and the plot flows smoothly. Wonderful ending too.
Good luck Mark, and congratulations on a job well done!

This is pretty good!

Sci-Fi is an easy genre in which people retreat into cliche, but you do a decent job of avoiding that pitfall. I think you accomplish this in part because in this book humanity is at the very dawn of what people think of as the meat & potatos of sci-fi (Faster than light travel, space travel, etc). it's good they they are not hyper advanced technologically.

Your character description works well, as does your characterization. You're not over-doing it as some are in the habit of doing.

Another plus is that the manuscript seems to be pretty clean. I didn't stumble reading it and I didn't want to take a red pen to my computer screen at every other sentence. Definitely a good thing.

Keep up the good work.

Hello Mark,
I am a science-fiction fan, particularly of the Master, Isaac Asimov, and a Star Trek/Wars fan. I find your plot intriguing, the characters interesting, and I have barely begun to read it. It is definitely going on my bookshelf. That being said, I think you tend to micro-manage description, instead of letting the dialogue do it for you. It isn't necessary, in my humble opinion, to delineate facial expressions, for example. And you tend to repeat a description of a scene, as though we didn't get it the first time. More action, more dialogue, less unnecessary or redundant detail. (I don't include in that your great technical details. )

I truly believe that great science-fiction, like any other fiction, is about great characters first and foremost. You have the characters. Don't let them get bogged down in the details of your narrative. Unclog the flow and set them free.

So far read as far as chapter 4 and had to stop, perhaps this is not my thing but it seemed filled with clichés, the alien enemy with an apparently unstoppable weapon who have a love of sticking apostrophes in their names. The main character, Yu Na Park I find irritatingly perfect, ticking every box for Mary Sue style character, beautiful, brilliant, sweet, kind, and fantastic at martial arts, top of her class, I am forced to wonder if she sweats elegantly and her farts smell of roses and are completely silent . Then there is the Admiral father figure who is close to retirement and the maverick hot shot pilot who is so awesome he is too good to get rid of, disliked by the admiral, loved by Park .
Sorry if this sounds harsh, I sincerely don’t mean it to be, from the number of bookshelves and watchlists it’s on, I’m sure this book is just not for me.
Brandon

Read up to chapter four. Was a bit disappointed with the use of Enterprise as a ship name, regardless of the justification. Even Kyle Denton is sounding a bit like a young Captain Kirk. Sorry for a bit of a downer comment as you have a very good idea in what is a written well book and I will keep reading, but these things need to be said.

Thanks for the hint/tip

I did make a comment before but I'm not sure it registered here. Just to say I have started reading this book. I don't read science fiction though I do watch it. My comments; you haven't described the sliens in the first chapter so I'm anticipating some intriguing revelation about what they actually do look like when they are revealed. The human society you describe is a military one and I remember seeing something called "Starship Troopers " some years ago. That was much more gung ho than your depiction and I think your lower key military is more realistic. It may be the future but people will think and behnve much as we do. Looking forward to the rest of the story

Regards

Firebrat

After reading the first three chapters,I am confident in saying this is a very promising and exciting piece of work.From the start I felt this was different to alot of the 'hard' sci fi works I've seen, mainly due to the fact that your explanation of the complicated process of space travel is both simple and done in a few paragraphs.The only problem I found whilist reading is that the main character Yu-na seems a bit too skilled in everything she does like in her leadership,the fact she is so young,talented and admired by other characters,although thats just from what I've read so far which,truthfully, isn't that much.However besides this quite small character detail I think this is an exciting and entertaining piece of sci-fi and I will definetly read on.

Ben Pollard

I really liked this book. I'm not usually into Sci-fi books, but this was really good. I have little knowledge of this genre of book, but I loved your writing style and your ability to take the reader into a new world. Great job!!

Not my thing. Keep it up though.

9 paragrahs in, re-read the sentence beginning 'For some reason,' looks like jumped should be jump. I have to say I often find sy-fy hard to follow with all the strange names, but so far, this is very clear. Love the hook at the end of ch 1. I thinks a sy-fy lover would enjoy this read.

I think you've got a great opening. I've only had time to read a few chapters so far. What I've read is interesting & it's worth coming back for more. I'm not used to seeing such sparse dialogue, but you make it work. I love seeing well-written sci-fi.

MiriamNConde
The Immortality Experiment

Wow. This is something else. I think you have done some fantastic work here with a readability thats off the scale. It is a credit to you and so well done. I hate Sci fi, or should I say I used to hate Sci fi. This has given me a new lease on life. Thank you.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R)

Hi,
Congratulations on making the list which is why I read some elements of your book which is clearly well written - well that and your background. Science Fiction not my bag unfortunately not even to Dr Who level to my shame.
Best of luck with the final chapters and I hope you publish.
C J Harcourt

Very interesting prologue............the author of this book looks quite well versed in science fictions. Best of Luck!!

Sorry mate. I just cant do Sci-fi. This is not the first time I have tried, but my simple mind cant adjust to this extra brain cell thinking. Its not your book, its my relationship with this genre. I did try to apply my military background to it, but again to no avail.
Apologies.

Sean

Space - the final frontier. To boldly go etc etc. The wonderful thing about this book is that the descriptions of the systems and protocol are so believable, there's absolutely nothing to make you go 'duh, couldn't happen!' A wonderful imagination that draws you onwards to the next chapter and beyond ...
The only criticism I have, Mark, is the lack of meat on the key characters. Commander Yu-na Park is petite, but what else? I imagine her as having short black hair and dark, almost black eyes that can mesmerism at a hundred yards, and charm that could render any red blooded male speechless. So why would she fall for Kyle Denton. Is he tall and handsome, cheeky - lad good looking, or is he greasy, sinister with too-close eyes and an agenda that might not be compatible with decent human beings?
But that might be just me - it didn't distract from the story at all. Looking forward to reading more ...

Very intriguing, I'm really enjoying your premise and the multiple interweaving story line have a great potential. If I may say so its a tad heavy on the narrative. As the author don't just tell us what happened let your characters speak for themselves. You can do so much more with this story by letting the reader experience it. Hope this helps!

C. G. Spaulding

Hi Mdws77,
I've been traveling quite a bit the past month (though not using MLS). I've read 5 chapters and found the concept and your writing very entertaining. Hopefully you won't mind if I jump to some issues that slowed me down and might do so to an agent or editor. Since, I've never been published, you might throw me and my suggestions down the stairs---with just cause.
My overall take is that the first few chapters---which are so critical in creating the "hook"--- would be better if the number of characters and acronyms were fewer. I found myself sorting those out instead of focusing on the story. On characters/names, as an example, we see that a critical step in the invention of MLS was made by "...Curtis and Danni (Danielle) Stratton..." in the year 2057. It may be that they play a huge role in the unfolding story, but this early in, they may confuse the reader with too many characters to consider and no one yet to care about. Do you see what I mean?
Also, since our job as a writer is to get the reader turning pages, we can lose them if they are slowing to sort out and remember what this program, weapon or organization is and recalling the acronym applied to them. Could most of these be brought into the story at a later time?
Another thought: Could the backstories on the various characters be dropped in later instead of these early chapters? Show us traits and personalities of each character by their actions and/or dialogue and some internalizations, etc.
And, again, I hope this is helpful and not an irritant, but you might check on the use of passive verbs, especially the various forms of "to be". Replace them with an active verb/sentence.

One last comment. Could the story engage and "show don't tell" more if there were more dialogue? Most of the story, over these chapters which I've read, are narrative.

I truly aim to be constructive with my comments, mdws77, and very much desire that this helps you.

Best to you,
Ron Graves---Blank Slate

I just read the first two chapters and I found it very interesting indeed. I have always found that the relating of action on a massive scale to be hellishly difficult to write. You however seem to pull it off effortlessly. The story also is very good. It's like a great big sci-fi hug! Great fun.

In order to make sure I’m a bit more consistent in how I leave comments, I’m using a questionnaire system. I hope you don’t mind and you get something from my thoughts.

Sorry I’m getting this comment to you after you’ve made the shelf, but I wanted to honor your request for comments even though I got swamped and majorly behind. (Congrats, by the way!)

Short Blurb:

I found the blurb was too passive and indecisive to catch my attention. There isn’t any real conflict here – the conflict that is here is drowned out by teetering between could be this or could be that. If I were in a bookstore, I would have passed on it since there were no characters or anything to really draw my attention and hook me in.

Long Blurb:

The concept intrigued me, but I found the lack of an immediate character to turn me of a bit. That said, it’s well-written and there isn’t really anything wrong with it – just not my cup of tea.

Was I hooked?

By the 4th paragraph, I didn’t feel compelled to read more. I think part of my problem was that there were just so many names to learn and try to digest that I wasn’t able to get down into the story. The first paragraph set up the conflict very well, but I didn’t really feel the tension. But, I’m a reader who prefers a direct connection to a leading character right out of the gate. This is a personal tastes issue, and no reflection on the writing quality, which I felt was within publishable range.


I stopped reading at partway through the second chapter.

The reason:

Beyond personal preference, the story – at this point – includes a great deal of exposition and a more passive method of describing things. It is hard to describe the dilemma of an entire world and race. How it was presented just didn’t work for me. That said, there is a market for books like this, I just don’t happen to be a part of that market.

What I think about your…

Plot:

From what I’ve read, I couldn’t see anything wrong with the plot. It was a little cliché in some ways, but I didn’t read far enough into it to really get a feel for the twists that you may have crafted into it. It was sound, and it carried it through.

Characters:

This is what I had the biggest problem with. While there are characters, the narration is done in such a way where I felt like the characters were a part of the landscape and environment rather than the driving force of the novel. This is what some people like, but I found it too passive to be my cup of tea.

Storytelling Ability:

I didn’t see anything wrong with your storytelling ability. It didn’t catch me, but this story isn’t what I normally read, and I think in the right audience, it will enthrall them just like you want.

Spelling/Grammar:

Strong. I didn’t catch any notable errors as I was reading. Good work.

I thought your craft ability was your biggest strength as I was reading through. You have good vocabulary, and you know how to use it.

I just married this book

Loved it

I read a couple of chapters on your book and I really liked your writing style and plot. I think your book so far is very good and adventures.

Wow! My first thought is - this book would be a great Christmas gift for my dad. I was immediately attracted to your book because of the title and cover shot. I love science-fiction novels! I would definitely purchase this book. I will read on to see what happens next. Very creative names by the way - Sk'Dan - just sounds very futuristic and alien.

If you have an extra minute, I'd love for your feedback on my book - Eracin. I just uploaded it and I think your expert advice on sci-fi and space themes would be very beneficial to me.

Congratulations on reaching the desk. With your advice and support, I hope to reach the same position someday.

The Raven
The Buena Fortuna

Mark, I left a review for you months and months ago, but I've been watching and following you. Congratulations, Mark. I am proud of you and of your book. You are a very talented writer and I'm honored to have crossed paths with you on this site. I'm also very aware of the forums and how hurtful they can be and want you to know that my prayers have been with you for some time.

Go on, Mark, to write great things and let a lot of what's happened here fall behind you. You have a bright future. Grab it and keep going.
Prayers and best wishes,
Patricia

After reading the first two chapters, I have to say that I like the direction in which your story is headed. First contact is always an interesting premise for a book, and I love the fact that you've set it early on in the space faring capabilities of Earth.

That being said, I would like to suggest that you consider presenting things with a bit less in the way of exposition. For example, in the first chapter, you could choose a viewpoint character and show the events through that person's eyes and through the actions and responses of the people around him or her. That was the events feel more immediate and there's an emotional investment in the destruction of the system.

Just a thought though; take it or leave it as you will. :-) I look forward to reading the rest of the story as time permits.

First, let me say that I haven't finished reading it all yet - just the first five chapters -- and overall I have enjoyed it.
I am a fan of Sci-Fi and especially of the space-opera type (Asimov / Hamilton) and on the whole I think you are on the right path, but there is for me one major issue with your writing. Way too much description and not enough action dialogue. The story has all the plot ingredients to be fast-paced, but the lack of dialogue tends to slow it down considerably. Easy to remedy. Keep most of what is done and replace where possible some of the descriptive texts with live dialogue. Other than that, GREAT !
BTW--- my opinion, right ? And I'm no editor :-)
Glad to see you remaining on that list. Just another day to go. Good luck

Let me start by saying SiFi is not my fav. of genre’s – give me almost any form of fantasy and I’m there but for some reason SiFi does not do it for me. I think it must be similar to me loving brussels sprouts but I will not eat cooked cabbage to save my life. Many would say… “What’s the difference?” to me it’s simply taste.

That being said, I did read several chapters and even though I am not your target audience, I did enjoy it. As I am not someone with experience in this genre I will not be commenting on the finer points, I will leave it to others more qualified, but having said that, as a non-SiFi reader, I liked it… Good job!

Hi Mark. Continued reading the book and I've already bought into the universe you're working in. You've managed to create a plausible place within which you've set your story and it certainly has an "un-put-downable" qualiity to it which has meant me getting further with this work than I have with any other!

However, I've got to echo the sentiments of singfam in a critique she's posted. Its very narrative heavy your work and the dialogue just seems to be skipped over. These are your characters and how they interact with each other is something that brings the work alive. I know you know about this because your narrative explains the tensions that Yu'na faces with the likes of Kyle Denton and the marines etc. Yet you can do so much more with this if the dialogue the characters have with each other is improved.

There's a great simplicity in your writing but don't think that this should be it. I got a bit annoyed when you introduced Admiral Westing as the top commander of the USSF. He wouldn't be called the top commander, he'd be the Commander in Chief or something like that. Don't let down the great work you've done and you're doing by keeping it that simple. That leads me on to my next point...

I think you tend to skip over things and not really develop them, pushing ahead relentlessly with the main arc of the story rather than get embedded in the nitty gritty of things. That's probably why I'm constantly pushing on to read what happens next! But I think at times this detracts from the work. For instance, when the USSF Enterprise is on its way to Alpha Centauri you just casually state that the FTL drive breaks down and they have to repair it. They're halfway between their solar system and the next, the first manned mission to get this far out, the distances are huge and timely if they rely on the AGMod but they just repair and move on. Surely there'd be tension onboard and a sense of panic maybe? They're stuck in the middle of outerspace! The same goes for First Contact with the Aleions. Its brushed over casually. There's no tension as the fleet surround the Enterprise but I'm certain that you wanted to create that from what I've read.

I hope you don't think I'm being overly critical of your work. After all, you've been around on here for a while and I'm just a new guy. However, I'm genuinely trying to help you with this as this story, whilst great, could be so much more and so much better. At times I feel that you've opened up a Pandora's Box of ideas in your head and you're desperate to get them all down. I think the universe you've created for this work is so vast and there are so many stories that putting it down in one work is an immense challenge. There's enough material in the fleeing of the Aelion, the message and the preparation of the Enterprise to constitute a feature film but its crammed into a few chapters!

Anyway, I enjoy reading the book and its pace is great. I just think it could be just that bit better!

P.S I like how you tried getting round the decision to call the ship the Enterprise by the link to the Space Shuttle and avoiding the Star Trek references but even that is an implicit acknowledgement of where the name Enterprise comes from. The Enterprise is so iconic in science fiction that its really hard for a reader to get around the fact we're not talking Star Trek.

I will not comment on the grammer in the "Solian Chronicles" because grammer is one of my weakest points.
However I know good SiFi when I read it and this is very, very good.
The only reason I didn't read it in one day is that I started too late in the day to complete it and finished it about two oclock the following morning.
Six Stars to help keep you in the running and the only reason that it isn't on my book shelf is that it is very hard for me to remove a good book from it.
You have a super imagination and this is where good books come from.
Keep up the good work and may God Beless and keep you.
Henry E Allan,----'Before the Beginning".

My idea of Sci-fi fiction is limit to natural disasters. I enjoyed the prologue of your book. I think your book works well with someone with a military background. I don't know much about military and there terms. I'm more so a fantasy lover then Sci-fi, but this is okay. It's the once that takes things to the extreme that drives me bunkers. Great Writing and good luck!

Hi Mark! You became my friend the day I first signed up on this website! :-) I finally got through the books that had jumped to my "read now" list so I could finally go back and read yours. :-) GOod timing, right? ! :-) there you are! right on that 'hot spot" waiting for just a couple more days!
Thought Id maybe help you stay there. :-)
Had fun reading your story. Great imagination! Great plot! What a blast! you have all the great elements of an awesome science fiction adventure. :-)

There were some thoughts that I had while I read, if you would like them. :-) I enjoy reading the works of others because it's how I learn how to write. I read book a while back called, "Self Editing Book for Fiction Writers: How to edit yourself into print" by Renni Browne and George Booth- Anyways, It was sooo full of great "how to write well" stuff, but it was hard for me to understand how to use it in my book until I started reading other people's work. :-) Then I could see what they were talking about and how it all worked! It is so great!

So this is what I saw in your story:
conversations bring the story alive. don't be afraid of them. For example: top of chapter 3: You have Commander Park talking in quotes to Yu-Na, then you just "tell " us what she says back. Just let her say it "herself" . let the conversation bring the story alive. Everytime the author "steps" in to tell us something or translate what the characters say or does, we are pulled away from the life of the story.

You wrote: ". . . Admiral Westing was satisfied with her response and continued . . " Be careful with "forms of be." they tend to stop the story in its tracks. Try removing the word "was" and see if it reads, smoother and runs faster. ?? " . . satisfied with her response, he continued. Even better, you can show his satisfaction by something he does. :-)

You do have a lot of telling. Its great stuff, but where your story is a great story right now, if you could replace the "telling" with "showing", it could play like a movie in the reader's head. You want your story to LIVE, not just lay on the pages of a book.
Example: "The smile on her face expressed her happiness when she heard that from Admiral Westing" You are telling us that she had a smile on her face and that I am to interpret that as happiness. .
In order to "Show" us the happiness she feels, you need to write what you really see on her face. What is it about her smile that expresses that joy, and just how big is that joy? Did her face light up? did she try to hide her smile? what do her eyebrows do when she smiles? are there other things that she does when she smiles that show her happiness? What do you do when you feel happiness? How do you show it? watch people. :-) its fun.

Repetition: in that last statement above, you don't need to tell us that she heard that from Admiral Westing because we already know that's who she was talking to. :-) I was told once - when I write, I should pretend like I have to pay for every word I use. :-) It makes me think - have I already said that? Do they already know that. Is it significant to forwarding my plot?

more examples: " . . . her eyes narrowed from the irritation she felt. " then later at the end of the paragraph, ". . . her voice expressed that irritation."
first, you dont need to tell us that she felt the irritation, you can just say "her eyes narrowed from the irritation." or maybe she squirmed. or maybe she got a sharp pain behind her eye. what happens when you get irritated?
Second, you can enforce her irritation at the end of the paragraph, but I wouldn't use the word again.

you wrote; " He became a better, more respectful officer who quit playing games." You have just said the same thing three times.

Next idea: You like to take us into the past quite often to fill us in on what had happened before. That is great! I love those! but you need to be careful to keep the past and present tenses, clear and consistent. It gets confusing really fast, when you are in the past and using "had been" and "had done" and then you go to the regular past tenses without the "had" and I dont know if I just jumped forward to yesterday, but the next sentence is still in the distant past. When I have a story from the past that I need to stick into the middle of a story, I like to call it "boxing it up" , to make sure that I keep the memory together in a nice, neat, consistent package, so that the reader will recognize when I am bringing them back to the present.

confusion: "she had renewed her relationship with Denton but was still very impressed with this ideal officer." both parts of the sentence are positive, but the word "but" implies a contradiction. ??? should she not have been impressed with this officer.? If you were to say that she'd heard the horrible rumors about his renegades, but was still very impressed. Then you could use "but" and it would feel more clear. otherwise, I would consider using "and".

2nd example: "that alone saved him from going to prison, but did get him demoted " another time when "but" implies a contraction. This one is a little more complicated though. What saved him from going to prison was that he'd saved the lived of all those people! Was saving all those lives what got him demoted? or did you mean to say, "That alone saved him from going to prison, but it didnt save him from getting demoted." ???

Last thought for the day: You wrote: "Luckily, none of the twenty -five members of the station were killed because he was able to rescue them through his amazing piloting skills." just seemed a little complicated. Really it was because of his amazing skills, and not luck that saved them. play it up! "Because of his amazing piloting skills, not one member of the station was killed."

anyways, hope maybe one of these thoughts is able to help you move your book along through the editing process. You really have an awesome story going! Youth and Adults alike, will love it. YOu have an incredible imagination! If you get a chance, look up that book about editing. I got it for about $4 online! it has been the best thing ever for me!! Good luck on the table! backing you for the rest of the month to make sure you stay there!.

Jeannette Singleton
Journey to Kalado're

Hi!

Just read the first two chapters and I think the plot is fantastic so far. Very impressed with how you've set it up. Think you could do with a just a slight edit though as there were literally only one or two mistakes in those two.

One thing I would say though, and having not read on further I'm not sure whether it was the effect you were going for, but the narration in Chapter 1 seems oddly detached in describing how the Aelion's feel about seeing their homeworld destroyed.

But all in all, looking forward to reading more!

Mark,
First let me say thank you for extending a friend request, welcoming me to the site and inviting me to read your book.
As crazy as this may sound to you Sci-fi is somewhat confusing to me, however, with that said I found myself wanting to read more. It amazes me that you keep the pace going at such a consistant rate without losing the attention to detail and explaining things in a way that is not overly techy or leaving you scratching your head ya know? You have great writing skills that can captivate even the non sci-fi's like myself. I do find that I have some sci-fi questions but thats a good thing. I want to know more. I'm putting it on my WL as I plan to continue. Great job Mark.
Thanks for writing!
Jennie Davidson

Oh wow! Worldbuilding of a very rare sort, especially for science fiction (I am mainly a fantasy gal, myself). It isn't every day that you get a science fiction universe that pays this much attention to detail. I'm only just into the first couple of chapters, but I'm writing this right before I actually go back and read it a little more closely. I have to give you major props on the worldbuilding. You don't see it so much anymore in military science fiction. Keep it up!

Katherine G.

I'm not the biggest fan of sci-fi, but your descriptions are amazing. My first question was "how long is a galactic day?" Maybe this would be obvious to avid sci-fi readers??? Not sure...other than that, your writing is seamless!
Jessica
A Place to Call Home
P.S. Thanks again for the instant welcome to this site!

Sci-fi is not my bag but after you kind welcome and offer of guidance I am happy to help you keep your desk-slot.

x

Hi,
I've just read a couple of chapters. Not really into sci-fi but loved the way you got right into the action in the first chapter, and the way you then moved from that in the second chapter to building a character. You did this so comfortably and easily I was drawn in; she was totally believable immediately. That's not easy. Will def read more.

Hi there... I'm not a big fantasy reader in general, I just don't care for things like aliens and i'm not sure why. I love different mythical creatures, but aliens seem weird... perhaps it's the other planet stuff?
Anyways, this isn't my normal read, but there is no arguing how good it is... it's very well written and i'm not surprised you are in the top 5 - congrats and good luck!
I hope you continue to send Newbies info on TSR even after you're medaled... it's very helpful!

cheers,
Jaclyn
It Never Happened
My Life Without Me

Well, generally I don't read a lot of sci-fi, but this is a very strong read. Tightly written. Good character development, and enough to hook even the most reluctant of sci-fi readers! The chapters flowed without any hiccups of poor writing or superfluous description. Wishing you luck and success.
Eva

Hi Mark,
This is a great read for the genre's enthusiasts! Your story-telling skills and high levels of imagination is impressive, as the plot gains more dynamism at some parts. Especially on Chapter 3. I liked your descriptions very much.

Your writing certainly delivers...

I wish you a lot of success and gave you six stars!
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Just wanted to say I really enjoy this book so it is staying on my bookshelf.
I love sci fi and Solian chronicles: pluto genesis ticks all the boxes.

Sy-fi isnt really my thing but I read your first chapter and I feel its very good. I think you should deffitily try and get this published. Its good. Not my kind of thing but I can tell a good book when I see one :)

As of chapter three, I surmise that the plot of this story is robust enough to carry it a long way. Also, within the first three chapters, four main characters have been identified and fleshed out enough by the author to give the reader an idea of who is and will be involved in the whole arc of the tale. The writing is, generally, of a good quality but there are a number of mistakes as well as some perviously noted places where the author should substitute alternative words for those that are overly used. Some thoughtful editing will surely correct these small issues. However, for me, as a fan of this particular genre, I feel a much larger and more serious issue exists in the area of emotional attachment to the characters and therefore to the story as a whole. Personally, I couldn't identify very much with any of these characters and so was left with an ambivalent feeling about the story, that is, up to the point where I quit reading. Perhaps there is more to hang onto later on but I guess that the average reader wants to feel that emotional tug coming fairly soon and unfortunately, for me anyway, I couldn't . I think the comments of a pervious reviewer should be taken to heart by the author and then some reworking of the prologue and perhaps first chapter should be undertaken. (See comments of PL McMIllan of eleven days ago.)
Finally, as a number of people have previously taken the time to point out mistakes, I think it is a good idea to fix those items that can easily be remedied. I will not point out all that others have brought to the attention of the author but there is one that I noticed in chapter three and so I'll just mention it here: "Yu-na smiled when she SAY his reaction,..." Quite obviously, a great deal of time and effort has been put into creating this exciting book and with a little more, it will undoubtedly become a really fine piece of science fiction literature. Best Wishes!

Absolutely love your sci-fi story. I wish this was turned into a film- fantastic detail and well thought out ... let me know when the film is available!

My knowledge of sci-fi is very limited at best; while I am a fan of Adams, Pohl and Clark (and "Doctor Who" of course because who isn't a fan?), I've never truly delved into the genre. With that said, I am enjoying what I have read this far (which as of this moment isn't very much at all).

I'm greatly intrigued by the plot and feel that your writing is very rich and sweeping without getting into the melodramatic and ridiculous. I like that this is written without dryness or heaviness in regards to the mechanics of space travel and the like. It is done with a smoothness that allows the less informed like myself to understand the gist of things without bogging down the pace for those more inclined to already know these things.

I believe that this is a book that can be easily read and enjoyed by anyone browsing the bookstore shelves (physical or otherwise), and I greatly look forward to discovering all the rest this novel has in store.

Thank you for this piece and congratulations on such a fine job.

C. E. Frizzell
Looking Forward to Joining You, Finally

I can imagine my son liking this when he gets older. It is an interesting story but I think it would be better told from a character's viewpoint with, perhaps, more dialogue. I will keep it on my shelf and hope it's still there when my son is old enough to read it. He may already be keen to read it!

Good story but for me, it's weighed down with far to much background. The petty arguments and confrontations are very much secondary to the action, for me anyway. The first paragraph had all my attention but the second and third have almost deterred me from continuing, but I will to see if things speed up.

When I read the first paragraph, I was reminded of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy with planets being destroyed. However, it then turns more towards Star Trek, but on a larger scale. I can see you are very inventive and you must have put a lot of effort into doing this piece. Here are a few tips to improve the piece.

Be careful not to overload the reader at the outset with too much information of this fantasy universe. Try to ease us in. One way to do this is to cut the info dumping at the beginning and show us everything through the eyes of one of the characters. At present you just tell us things such as “the crews were in shock from what just happened.” If you showed us what one person actually was feeling, it would be much more powerful.

The prologue is omniscient narration, frowned upon these days. When we get to Chapter 1, things get much better as you write from one person’s viewpoint. My suggestion would be to do likewise with the prologue. Don’t forget it’s the prologue everyone will see first, so it has to be the best.

I notice there’s a contradiction in that you say the novel is going to be 80,000 words and yet you tick the book as complete at only 50,000. I’d suggest changing to incomplete.

I hope these comments help. Best of luck with your writing.

Loved the story, it is well written and deserves getting to the editors. Personally I would have liked more dialogue.