Book Jacket

 

rank 5890
word count 16735
date submitted 06.10.2011
date updated 08.10.2011
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Horror, Children'...
classification: moderate
incomplete

Sprite of Time:The Portal

Velix Hollow

A thrilling story about a universe beyond and the people that inhabit it.Wars and rival clans roam and trouble is brooding.Can they make it?

 

In the land controlled by the four elements trouble is brooding when the evil earth clan suddenly takes interest in the portal to the other universe.A mixed up group of people trace them across the land,trying to save the other world from them.Revenge also plays a big role in the journey and the travel gets more intense as betrayal and secrets are revealed.The travels brings them to the wishing well at the end,with a battle of wit and strength combined.With only honor and pride to push them forward through this hard journey,they struggle to keep each other alive and look out for them self too.

 
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tags

action, chidren's book, comedy, fanasty, horror, humor, thriller

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The intro

The land had four spirits,fire,water,air and earth.Some people was born with the one spirit in them forever and others could choose their spirit .This land had dragons,monsters and other strange inhabits.The people ,once they chose their spirit never aged but you had to be atleast twenty years of age before you could choose a spirit.The land was dived into four different parts and each kingdom of people which had the same spirit had it's own part of land where they had one leader.There was always a battle between the air spirit kingdom and the nature kingdom.It began when the airleader caught the earth clan hunting on the air clan's ground.There was a battle which had driven the earth clan away and the air clan was left with little resources.The fire clan's leader was a man with the name Harrak who had crashed heads with the airclan leader who was a strong willed women,which the named Ula.Ula's sister was waterspirited but was still to young to join the waterclan,her name was Gina.The water clan's leader was Nerader a man with a kind but shy nature .The earth clan's leader was Domina a evil,sly women who killed without reason.The three clans fire,water and air had a sworn peace to each other and was allowed on each others ground.The air clan lived on the snowy mountains of the east,they preferred windy weather and they was pale,strong people.The fire clan lived near the sea,because of the warm weather while the water clan lived at the big waterfalls.The earth clan lived in th forests because of the trees and because they are scarred with the sign of the nature spirit's sign.The scars which was red angry welts,covered the flesh around the eyes which made it very easy to spot a nature clan.Most monsters hided away but some was intent on killing people,while others grew a bond with humans and wouldn't hurt anybody but those who threaten their clans.Most dragons,airreaders and wolfpeople lived with the air clan.The water creatures lived with the water clan and the fire clan had some dragons and other strange,dangerous creatures.The earth clan killed any monsters they finded in their land,most of them fled to the other lands,where they were treated right.A few remained but they where sorrow ridden and always wary.The monsters where treated like we would treat our pets and the monster people where treated like people.There was an unbreakable bond between man and monster.They shared sorrow,happiness.

 

 

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riantorr wrote 192 days ago

Hi Velix Hollow, love your name. Book title Sprites is awesome. Ula character name interesting. Maybe break up paragraphs more for increasing pace.
Best, RT

hayely smith wrote 573 days ago

Hi velix, sorry it has taken so long to get to you. i like your storyline. maybe a little long in places but readble all the same! i found the size quite hard to read aswell as it made the chapters feel very long. but all in all i like it a lot. the story is really good and feels fresh. I have problems with gramma and the like and have had my book done by a proessionl (am waiting for it to be returned) i find it too much to do beacuse of my dislixicia. keep a strong head. dig deep and you will come out with a winner. yes gramma etc matter but if the books storyline sucks whats the point. and by the way your storyline is good just a little lost. xxxxxx oh yer sorry BACKED

MrKarats wrote 621 days ago

Velix,

I read your prologue and a good part of the 1st chapter... then I read the Kirk's comment below. I have to agree with everything and add that in the chapter with Ula and the others you will need a lot more work than with the prologue... Although I will agree again that it could be a great story if someone took care of... well, everything...
I read in your response (which by the way, Kirk won't get notified of, you need to send messages answering the comments people do to your story) that your editor backed down at the last minute... That sucks. You shouldn't let it go though. Either get in there yourself and start tidying up or find someone else to do it.
I advise you to do so, because people on here will expect to read something without paying attention to grammar, syntax etc...


4 stars from me to encourage you to keep it up :)
Yannis

KirkH wrote 621 days ago

Hi Velix,
I think I owe you a comment or two on your book "Sprite of Time":
Your pitch and synopsis are very short. I would try to add more things to attract attention to the reader.
Chapter one was one giant paragraph. This is not good because it looks too unprofessional and immediately puts the reader off from continuing. You don't want this to happen. You could easily make seven paragraphs out of this. You don't need to mention what the four elements are because most of us know it already. Grammar, spelling and punctuation mistakes can be found all around as well. This needs to be cleaned up as well. You repeat the same themes over and over again - such as "each person can choose their own spirit." You only need to say it once. I'm assuming these wars with these elemental clans are human and tribal, not spiritual or divine. You need to specify that as well.
This could be the start of a great story, but you need some discipline in organizing your thoughts. Don't worry. There are lots of folks here who can help you out with cleaning up your work, but it is still your work and you must be proud of your ideas - now you need to polish and clarify.
Hard work it is. I learned a lot here too in the past two years, so don't give up.
I wish you all the best
Kirk

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