Book Jacket

 

rank 1064
word count 20788
date submitted 07.10.2011
date updated 22.11.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Romance, Crime
classification: moderate
incomplete

Bait

Ian Walkley

Revenge can take many forms.

 

Kasey Bates, an undercover detective in Brisbane, is transferred to country town Woodfern after she shoots a killer in suspicious circumstances. Her task is to investigate the disappearance of three backpackers, and she travels back each night to care for her police officer husband who lies in hospital in a coma. Woodfern is a town in the middle of a war between protesters and developers over a gas pipeline. She finds something else too, an American, Peter Hendrix, she knew five years ago under quite different circumstances. It's the last thing she needs, and things unravel fast. Meantime the brother of the killer Kasey shot has sneaked into town, intent on revenge.
The body count grows as Kasey battles to reconcile her professional obligations and her innermost feelings, trying to survive long enough to find out who is behind the seemingly random killings, and to predict what is next on the killer's agenda.
Complete at 85,000 words.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

australia, crime, environment, female protagonist, murder, outback, police

on 4 watchlists

12 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

1

report abuse

Chapter 1

She’s done this before, although never for a killer. And while Kasey Bates is hardly a girl, as she stands alone and wet under a leaky railway bridge on a dark, isolated stretch of road she feels a girl’s vulnerability. She tells herself that the bouts of trembling are normal. So long as she maintains control the nerves shouldn’t impede her judgment. Stay in control at all times—that, more than anything else, had been drilled into her. 

A passing car blows spray over her already soaked body. Damn! Any normal woman would be snuggled up in bed with a good book or DVD and some chocolate. But Kasey loves the rush of her work. Maybe tomorrow night she’d treat herself, she thinks, if tonight works out.

A few moments later, another driver in a smart blue BMW slows briefly, then accelerates away. Why did he change his mind, she wonders? Was he afraid that a young female backpacker alone at a bus stop might be a ruse for robbery or a carjacking? Or had he just been tempted by fantasy as he drove home to his mundane existence? The hairs on her arms prickle and she checks the tattoos that extend from wrist to shoulder on both arms. Did they turn him off? The tattooist has assured her they’d last a week or so if she doesn’t take a bath in acid. It’s been worrying her that the rain might cause them to wash off but no, it seems they’ll last the distance. The same couldn’t be said for her eye makeup. She probably looks like a half-drowned clown.

Above, the sky is black. Moonlight can’t penetrate the heavy layer of cloud, so it’s creepy dark under the bridge, apart from the occasional flash of lightning and vehicle headlights. Brisbane is copping the tail end of Cyclone Darrell, which passed over north Queensland four days ago. Only good thing to be said is that the rain keeps the mozzies away.

She checks her watch. One thirty five. Come on! She presses the talk button and the tiny radio inside her ear canal crackles. The battery’s already shorted once this evening from the rain. “Any luck, Wayne? I’m catching a death here.”

Detective Wayne Dern, one of her two backup guys, replies:”Hahaha, catching a death. Good one, Kase. We’re about four clicks away. Mallard’s just turned onto the main road out of town. Heading your way, but don’t get your knickers wet just yet. I’ll get back to you.”

This is the third location they’ve tried tonight. The backup team would drop her well ahead of where Lenny Mallard was cruising, then circle round to follow him at a distance. They’ve put a GPS on his van, so they’re able to track him from a distance. And they have a helicopter on standby. But all the technology in the world can’t force Mallard to drive a route that will take him past where she’s waiting. He’s an unpredictable bastard, and street smart, which is why he isn’t behind bars, although Police in three states suspect him of involvement in at least five missing girls.

Another car stops beside her. She shakes her head and takes a photo of the plate with her phone as the guy drives off. There’s been no shortage of offers; in the past hour alone, five drivers had slowed or stopped. She knows that in her flat heels and five-foot-six height, with her small face, bottle blonde hair and long ponytail she looks considerably younger than her twenty-nine years. According to Wayne, self-proclaimed expert in such matters, she has “slurry appeal”, which he explained once means she is easy on the eye and has a flirty smile, sleepy eyes, and a way of standing that tilts her head suggestively as she flaunts her boobs and booty. Wayne recently transferred to Serious Crimes from Vice so he’s a graduate in Slut Studies.

Most of the guys who’ve stopped for her so far are probably harmless. Lonely guys, maybe good samaritans even. But you can never be certain. After a few minutes of innocent conversation driving along, you might suddenly be confronted by the lurking demon. At best, propositioned for sex. At worst, raped and murdered. All of the vehicles she photographs will be followed up later for priors, and whether they’re on the sex offenders' register.

A few more minutes pass, seems like hours. Then finally, her earpiece tingles again. Mallard’s about a minute away, Wayne tells her. About bloody time, she thinks, as the adrenalin kicks in. Headlights appear in the distance. Kasey moves to the verge and stretches, deliberately exposing her navel, then steps onto the roadway and thinks naughty thoughts, smiles, and sticks out her thumb. The slurry routine. This is it, sweets. You’re on stage.

Mallard’s van drives straight past her without slowing.

Fuck! She drops her arm. Rejected! Her shoulders slump with the burden of failure. Did he even see her in the rain? Has she been too forward?

Then, moments later, the van slows and comes to a stop down the road. He starts backing up. Thank God. Must have changed his mind after checking her out. She grabs her pack and lugs it a hundred metres or so through the rain to meet the van. Leans down by the passenger window.

He's got the window open just a fraction. Not committed yet. The door will be locked, she knows, and she doesn’t even try the handle. He could easily be spooked and drive off. Strange, she thinks, he’s playing Enya. She spots a crucifix and a rosary hanging from the rearview. Despite the blurry glass, she recognises his face from the mugshots. He’s actually quite good looking, which somehow makes things worse. The wedge of jaw accentuates his strong neck, and prominent cheekbones and droopy eyelids give him a laid-back appearance that's obviously deceiving.  His ears have no lobes like they’ve seen too much rugby. It's definitely Lenny Mallard.

Chapters

1

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Wanttobeawriter wrote 578 days ago

BAIT
When I began to read this, I planned to pour a cup of coffee and read three chapters. Your chapters are so concise and your dialogue is so well done, tho, I found myself reading far beyond that – so far, my coffee got cold. I liked Kasey from the start; she’s feisty and able to compete with the boys, yet has enough feminine quirks to make her believable. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

Jodie Renner Editing wrote 574 days ago

Sounds very intriguing! And I love a strong female character! Looks like it's going to be a good, complex, suspenseful plot that I can sink my teeth into!

Brian Bandell wrote 328 days ago

Bait has been recognized as one of the favorite Authonomy books of Brian Bandell, author of science fiction thriller Mute from Silver Leaf Books.

Here are my thoughts on Bait and the other elite level books by emerging authors.

http://brianbandell.blogspot.com/2012/06/my-favorite-books-from-emerging-authors.html

Brian Bandell
Mute

Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 401 days ago

I have read four chapters so far and have enjoyed every part of it. The swiftness of the kidnapping at the beginning took me by suprise. At first I pondered if this should have been lengthened and slowed down so that there was a build up to Kasey being pushed into the back of the van but after a second reading I realised you were right to create the speed which gave it much more shock value. Kasey is a tough lady but I like the way you have also mixed this in with the tragedy in her personal life regarding her husband where she will have to switch on the tender caring side of her personality. Kasey is such a strong character and well written that I wonder if this could lead to a series of novels? It would be nice to have a lady up there on the bookshelf rubbing shoulders with her male counterparts. The dialogue is realistic and doesn't sound cliched which is easy to do in crime novels. From what I have read, I simply can't find any faults. Good luck with Bait.

Kim (Pain)

Tournesol wrote 550 days ago

Hi Ian,
I can’t remember why I didn’t read Bait when I first saw you had uploaded it. Now I can’t decide whether to be sorry that I waited so long as I have definitely been missing out or to be glad I did wait as there are now an extra five chapters to devour.
I read all fifteen chapters in one sitting and only wish there were more.
The use of the present tense works really well and the pacing is fantastic - the suspense is tangible and intensifies and fades to great effect, with Chapter Seven in particular being a point where I found myself gripping my laptop as I read.
I loved that you concealed the relationship between Kasey and Powell where you did – the revelation coming at the point it did was good and, similarly, the drip feeding of the Kasey-Peter link is really piquing my curiosity.
My only question in the storyline is that I admit to being confused as to why Ivan “doesn’t have a record, unlike his two brothers” despite him spending eleven years in prison.
In terms of constructive criticism, there are a quite a few instances where you appear to have slipped into using the past tense where you probably didn’t intend to. I would be happy to point out these and a couple of minor errors I spotted to you separately.
It worries me that this is complete at 85k words when you have only uploaded 20k as I am ever so keen to read more!
I hadn’t intended to remove any of the books on my shelf for a while but on reading this, had to change my mind and sacrifice one of them for Bait.
Wishing you every success with this.
Best.

Colin Neville wrote 560 days ago

A fast-paced thriller, with the perfect title, 'Bait', for the role of the main character, Aussie cop, and agent provocateur, Kasey Bates.

What makes this 'fast-paced'? It is because of the spare crispness of the prose, combined with realistic dialogue, and interest created in the characters.

It was also because of the way the novel is structured. I read six chapters and was propelled along by the first three, given the chance to learn more about Kasey in four and five, before the conflict is set up again in six, with the introduction of Ivan, out for revenge. Chapters four and five also have an important role in raising Kasey from ballsie female cop-cliche into a real person with a real past, difficult present, and uncertain future.

The author is also very effective with descriptions - often saying much with a small, but telling detail; the prissy chair of the police investigation panel, for example, (ch. 4) '...looks like he needs a good feed, or another scotch.'

This book is one to watch on the site; I certainly hope so. I enjoyed it and I am sure others will too.

Jodie Renner Editing wrote 574 days ago

Sounds very intriguing! And I love a strong female character! Looks like it's going to be a good, complex, suspenseful plot that I can sink my teeth into!

Wanttobeawriter wrote 578 days ago

BAIT
When I began to read this, I planned to pour a cup of coffee and read three chapters. Your chapters are so concise and your dialogue is so well done, tho, I found myself reading far beyond that – so far, my coffee got cold. I liked Kasey from the start; she’s feisty and able to compete with the boys, yet has enough feminine quirks to make her believable. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wannabeawriter. Who Killed the President?

cooee wrote 578 days ago

Another aussie :) I don’t know how I found this, but was impressed with the blurb and the first chapter, so have left some thoughts.

You opening paragraph is good and drew me straight into the story. Well done.

I read the first chapter and think this is good. The only thing is, this is a thriller and I wasn’t really feeling a sense of danger and that might because of the backstory, and also might not be. I think with the opening of a thriller, you really need to grips us, and one way to do that is to just show us the story and feed in backstory a little later. They are all the elements in your first chapter.

Woman cop on a stake out, in the middle of nowhere, in the rain, storming, cars driving past, not knowing which one might be a killer, help at distance, I assume somewhere close…but I’m not sure it was clear, or perhaps I missed that…netherless they are elements you can do a lot with.

I would have expected more of a sense foreboding, throughout…that said, I like her voice and the relaxed attitude she appears to have, but wasn’t convinced it wouldn’t be more tensful, and think you could play with a false alarm, a car pulling up that isn’t him, and maybe even showing us a creep offering her a lift….make our heart jump more.

As soon as she said Lenny was good looking, which somehow makes things worst, I thought what?….and didn’t really understand why, because he is good looking it makes things worst….worst than what? It isn’t clear what the comment is implying, although it appears that she simply thinks he’s hot, making her job worst.

That said, maybe I read it wrong…but clearly she said she thought he was good looking.

I think if you are going to have a tough women cop, give her some credit, and I certainly don’t think she is going to fall to pieces because she thinks someone is cute…unless he ends up being a love interest later, then I’d say, well okay…otherwise I’d keep her mind on the job, especially as by the blurb, you have her married and a husband in a hospital in comma.

If you use a woman as a main character, give her the qualities that other woman will admire, and men for that matter. I noticed you have it under romance, but netherless women want strong lead characters. Not someone sounds like she’s going all gooey eyed over a criminal she there to catch. (unless falls for him)

I made some other comments as I read your opening.

And while Kasey Bates is hardly a girl, as she stands alone and wet under a leaky railway bridge on a dark, isolated stretch of road she feels a girl’s vulnerability. -----you don’t need the comma between ‘dark’ and ‘isolated’

A passing car blows spray over her already soaked body. -----You don’t need already – ‘soaked’ the past tense implies ‘already.’

Above, the sky is black. Moonlight can’t penetrate the heavy layer of cloud, so it’s creepy dark under the bridge, apart from the occasional flash of lightning and vehicle headlights. Brisbane is copping the tail end of Cyclone Darrell, which passed over north Queensland four days ago. Only good thing to be said is that the rain keeps the mozzies away.

She checks her watch. -----how can she see it if we are in the dark, are darkness that the moonlight can’t penetrate…it will have to be pitch black unless we have nearby street lights or she has a light button on her watch or unless she checks it as the cars lights flash past or something.

One thirty five. Come on! She presses the talk button and the tiny radio inside her ear canal crackles. -----nitpicking, but don’t think you need the ‘canal’

Detective Wayne Dern, one of her two backup guys, replies: -----comma her not :

Another car stops beside her. She shakes her head and takes a photo of the plate with her phone as the guy drives off. -----why is she shaking her head? It doesn’t add anything and kind of gives off a strange image…tell us why she is shaking her head…Oh, not another dickwit – or something.

There’s been no shortage of offers; in the past hour alone, five drivers had slowed or stopped. -----tell us what the offers are – it is too vague – ;offers for a lift? and I’m still not really getting how they can see her if she is hiding under a railway bridge and why the bridge is above the cars for that matter

According to Wayne, self-proclaimed expert in such matters, she has “slurry appeal”, -----need the comma before the quote

Leans down by the passenger window. -----this is awkward and doesn’t truly show us what you mean…does she lean her arms on the groove of the open passenger window? Or perhaps she crouches so she can see him through the open passenger window?

He's got the window open just a fraction. -----okay this needs to go up above with the statement about the window, which will help by the window make more sense. Eg…She leans down by the passenger window, open just a fraction. Ect.

She spots a crucifix and a rosary hanging from the rearview. -----need to add ‘mirror’ I think, otherwise it could be window also.

Despite the blurry glass, she recognises his face from the mugshots. -----why is the glass blurry? Are the windows dirty making them blurry, or is it still raining or and water is on them, it isn’t clear..and also you say the window is down a fraction…and inch down would allow you get a glimpse of someone.

I personally think this has great potential. A little bit more of a polish and a little bit more thought, will undoubtedly see it head towards the editors desk.

Hope something helps. All the very best with this. Watchlisted for the moment.

Scott Toney wrote 581 days ago

Ian,

This is a well written, gritty first chapter and your pitch makes me think your book will move on well from here. This is a story that I could see myself reading on the couch in my library as the rain spatters on the roof outside. The main character is clearly a strong female lead and I like the way you really get inside her head as you write. She has a strong train of thought and presence and that's refreshing to find. You also have great description and I can feel myself there with her beneath the bridge. I'll definutely be back for more and I've added your book to my watchlist and rated your book 6 stars. Thanks so much for the enjoyable read!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

P.s. Thanks so much for taking a look at my book as well! It's self published but the reason I asked for the look is because I'm trying to get a Harper Collins review and reach the desk. Thanks again! Your time is greatly appreciated!

Brian Bandell wrote 588 days ago

This is exciting. You hooked my on every word and woke me up like a strong cup of coffee. It's the kind of thriller I enjoy and I hope it's published.

You've got my backing on this one.

Brian Bandell
Mute

billysunday wrote 590 days ago

Read the first three chapter. Very exciting and perfectly paced. Had me wondering at first why she was out there trying to get rides, but then you explain later. Curious who Wayne is and how he ties in later. Curious if Ryder was the guy she was trying to bait. Interesting cop drama. Highly recommended.
Dina from Halo of the Damned and The Last Degree

Jennie Lyne Hiott wrote 591 days ago

First chapter. I don't normally get a chance to read for fun but yours caught my eye on a lazy rainy day. I like the plot so far. the first chapter is captivating but it needs to be polished. On this site very few read on past this chapter. While reading I found that I did not have a full grasp of the detectives surroundings. You discribed it briefly and it should be elaborated on just a bit. The target you describe perfectly, but the main character could use a little more. What is she wearing? how has she done her make up. How long has she been working the case, her job, ect. Get into her head. It should be personal and intimate coming from her point of view.

I only had to stop and re read one sentence in the beginning. " So long as she maintains control the nerves shouldn't affect her judgement, stop her doing what she must." This made no sense to me no matter how many times I read the first paragraph. Perhaps something like. As long as she was able to maintain her nerves, her objective would not be compromised and her judgement would not be affected.
You have the makings of a great romantic thriller and I am reading on.

flower girl wrote 592 days ago

This is awesome writing. I've just finished chapter 5 and I'm only stopping because it's time for bed!!
I found just one little typo: in ch 3 you say '... grabs the rings as the(y) vehicle weaves ...' I'm backing and highly star-rating this book.
Gill

1