snacks

I fell in love with Jenna before the chapter ended, but the last couple sentences really clinched it for me. She seems like the perfect Ying to Rachel's Yang, allowing Rachel to have her own sort of disorganized life vicariously through her neighbor.
The story itself here in this first chapter is obviously gripping, but the real story here is about the relationship between these two women, methinks. They are both very strong characters (don't know if that's the right word, since this is labeled as non-fiction), who you can't help but read more about. This modernized female version of The Odd Couple are certain to continue to amuse and bewilder all who read about them.
I will be back to read more as time permits. For now, a spot on my watchlist and a handful of stars is what I can offer you for giving me such a fun read. Have a good one.

O Penelope! What a gift you have! Really, I just made the connection that you are Audrey's daughter (I think). It took me until chapter 2 to realize this...."feed dese hungry children, Audrey" kind of gave it away! If this is true, I think the story-telling apple didn't fall far from the tree. You are a natural. You have such an easy-going style. I really love it. I think my favorite thing about your writing is the way you capture the details. The "cheap VO5 shampoo" and "stretch marks" and "dirty silverware"...I have no idea how you made these little things come alive, but you certainly did. Really well done! Keep writing! You have a rare talent which is hard to teach. You just have it. :)

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Sorry Penelope, I was only able to make it half-way through the first chapter. The story, to me, came off as disorganized.

Penelope,

I read the first and third. (didn't read the second, stranegely, because someone had said they really liked it.)
Must say I did not get on with the third one. Yes, it's a dream, and dreams are wierd, especially in the phase when you are waking up and confusing dream with reality, but I think you could have constructed the story of the dream a little better, so that it read better.

Now, the first! This is something that I was really enjoying, a reallyy well constructed short story, it held me all the way through, and had extra interest right at the beginning to make sure that I would read on. However, the background information started to lose me, eventually I was skipping over this to get back to the story. I would question whether you need so much background with such a lively short story. Could you weave snippits of this into the story without diving back and forth?

Anyway, I enjoyed my little exploration into your world - I hope you are as crazy as you seem!

Regards
Warrick

Hello Penelope:

You have a natural gift for writing; not so much because you have a polished vocabulary or literary style-but because you have the ability to naturally connect with your readers. You do so by allowing your life to be an open book in your brutal honesty about yourself-bladder infections, unkind thoughts, the whole package of who you are, take it or leave it. Your writing exudes a wonderful sense of humor. I loved the whole ranch dressing theme in chapter one. I was just cracking up because it highlighted the way that we all have our little obsessions that make us unique.

"Hi Jenna. I almost cried today when I had nothing to dip my carrots in." Classic!

I get the sense that you are still in the process of experimenting and discovering your niche. Personally, I think that where you really shine is when you write in the first person about yourself and your relationships with others at all levels-family, friends, whoever.

All this being said, I think that snacks is unpublishable in its present form. Chapter 6 needs to be completely taken out because it is a completely different genre with a completely different tone. It is so disjointed with the rest of the book that one gets the impression that you were scrambling to find a filler-ANY filler-to meet the 10K word minimum to publish.

The chapter about discipleship is a different genre than the first few chapters, but I think it still works in this book because it incorporates much of the same writing style, but the last chapter, well, it's just gotta go.

Blessings to you as you grow in your gifting!

James

BTW: Great pitch!

Hey Penelope :-)
I really like the second one, To the Ocean, that was my favourite. The relationship between the brother and sister is sweet. The grandmother is funny, that's exactly how my friends grandmother speaks! In a demanding manner. The first one didn't make much sense to me sorry! but even though it didn't it's still well written. I go that she fell off the loo and bumped her head (was she drunk?) but I'm a little clueless to the relationship between her and Jenna (friends? girlfriends?) and the sections seemed to go back and forward in time a little which was confusing.
I couldn't see any errors.
Very entertaining, have given you five stars.
Tammy