A Child from the Wishing Well

Jann,

I'm so grateful that you have taken the time to read 10 chapters and thrilled that you have understood, in depth, my intentions for character development, suspense and plot.

Ray



The meticulous, obsessive nature of paranoia is beautifully depicted here, Ray. Gerard's frantic inner questioning of Ruth's motive's towards his daughter suggests a man who has lost completely any awareness of his own centre of balance. Hemmed in by his Botolph heritage, he has no capacity for demonstrative affection. He is also excruciatingly aware of it. As a result, he is haunted by the fear of losing what he loves, picking up every nuance of possibility and worrying at it like a terrier with a bone. The elderly Ruth, who bonds so easily with Rosie, becomes a potential ogre who will spirit away his daughter's heart.

But then we ask ourselves, are his suspicions justified?

This fraught situation drew me in from the start and delivers a compulsive read. What an irony that it should ultimately be Heather who is convinced that the apparently dotty music teacher is having sinister effects on their daughter! The sudden deaths of Heather and Ruth are shocking (sorry--no pun intended), and I felt as agitated and full of dread as Rosie trying to tell her father on the phone.

Ruth's character, in particular, whether she is acting out the characters of all the garden squirrels or throwing newspapers into the air to illustrate the varied enthusiasms of different composers, comes across in vivid flashes, funneled through the perceptions of others. Effective, and startlingly graphic. Great qualities in a thriller, especially when you've got a story that makes your blood run cold as well.
Backed, though I'll be giving music teachers a wide berth in future.

Jann King ("Making Connections")

Raymond,
Your “A Child From the Wishing Well” opens with a brief lament, as Gerard Botolph feels his father’s coldness from the grave, as he crushes a glass shard drawing blood, as he cradles a child’s violin and vows to be different with is own daughter. Why do I get the feeling that this lament is for a dead child – that he’s reliving a moment and he’s too late – that this is the end rather than the beginning?
(I Googled the name Botolph and discovered that St. Botolph is the patron saint of travelers and there are many churches in England that bear the name. Surely, your use of such a name is no accident.)

The scene shifts to Gerard and his daughter Rosie arriving at the door of violin teacher Miss Stein. He chastises her for pointing at the brass nameplate. A wrinkled old woman wearing a too-young strappy sundress with long braided hair opens the door. (This feels very Alfred Hitchcock!) Ruth Stein playfully cajoles a smile from her newest little student, as Gerard notes that his daughter barely recognized play or fun, she’s had so little in her life. Ruth is silly, professing to be the biggest dragon of them all, in a effort to win her student’s favor, but this reader suspects those words are prescient with hidden, horrific meaning. Meanwhile, Gerard is hoping the Diazepam for anxiety kicks in soon, as his nerves are his undoing. Paranoid? Psychotic? The reader will wonder how much this tale we can believe, if it’s seen through this man’s eyes. “…there could be nothing sinister about kindness.” Surely, famous last words, as the child’s heart is won almost instantly by kindness never known. Ruth addresses the child as “our Rosie” and Gerard’s gut reaction of nausea and wanting to flee the resident can be seen as either paranoia or as the instincts of a parent picking up on a predator. Which is it? She uses phrases like “disciples” for her students, as if they worship her, and something in the glint of her eye sends shivers down his spine.

Well, this is just brilliant. Building tension and doubt. All these contradictory red flags, making the reader wonder who is the crazy one. As noted above, this feels so very Hitchcockian, I want to grab Rosie’s hand and flea.
I’ll move this to my book shelf.
Mary

Ray, I thoroughly enjoyed this read.

You have a very smooth literary writing style that includes great characterization spun within the narrative, like--“Her hand felt snug in his, the warmth not just thermal.”

I also must applaud your character descriptions, with very original sparks of impression that leave room for the reader’s imagination to fill in the blanks, like the intro to the spinster tutor, Ruth—“…the dress was strappy enough to have adorned to better effect the figure of a lady fifty years younger than the wrinkled old woman standing inside the garment.” Your scene descriptions are equally character-revealing, like-- “...maneuvered his way through the upturned furniture, jardinières, and half-torn parasols in Ruth’s conservatory.”

The Chapter One lead-in sets the stage nicely for Gerard’s inner turmoil, while the ending line of the chapter provides a evocative lure as Gerard’s paranoia is matched by the reader’s when Gerard shivers when he notices the unusual glint of the tutor’s eyes while she is looking at his daughter. This reader shared paranoia is further fueled at the end of Chapter Two, as Ruth shuffles her foot over the grass, daydreaming. (I found this especially creepy having read the wonderfully crafted pitch that suggests there are more than roots under the grass.)

This is very impressive work that deserves to be noticed.

I think you have a winner here. Congratulations!

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

Hi Raymond,

Firstly, thank you for your postive comments on and for backing Foul Player. I so much appreciate your feedback.

I can certainly see why your other books are on "hauntedbooks.com." Wishing Well is haunting from the start. We are never quite certain whether Gerard's paranoia is simply getting the best of him, or if the boney old music teacher is actually deranged enough to want to possess Rosie and her other 'disciples' forever in the bottom of a well.

Rosie is smitten with her teacher and perhaps justifyably so. Gerard is struggling with his own ineptness as
a father, and Heather seems somewhat aloof as well, which leaves Rosie in a vulnerable position. I sense that even if Gerard wanted to stop the violin lessons, Rosie would protest to the point where he would give in to her demands, despite his eerie misgivings.

Your knowledge of music in general and the violin in particular, in combination with your description of Ruth's conservatory, adds a great deal of ambiance and flavor to the first few chapters. Ruth is frazzeled, with the overturned furniture and moving about like a 'hurricane." Could it be that she also moves in and out of reality? Is her wistfulness in the garden indicative of mental illness or of the children she's murdered? Perhaps she had a little girl by Gustav who died in the war and is burried in a well or in the grass somewhere?

Ah...so many questions...so little time...

Overall, a well crafted, captive read. BACKED, Susie Parker

You know I read this many weeks back and I am at a loss as to why I didn't comment.
I remember it vividly, that is a clear sign if something is written well.
It is a brilliant piece of work tapping into the psychological attributes of its characters slyly but the way you weave this story is worth a note here. There are some amazing lines within this. Not only is Gerrad riddled with quirks but Ruth has a few of her own. This is a spine tingling story. Who doesn't fear something like this? And fear is an amazing thing. Once planted it grows and blossoms right before your eyes.
There is something truly haunting about this piece. Gerrard goes through a mixture of human emotions. Sadness over the distance between him and his daughter, hope that Ruth can help, denial, anger. But through the chapters I read there is a naggling seed of fear there. In the opening chapter he puts his reservations about the tutor to the side. This is the first blip of fear that we are confronted with. It is so sly that the reader can overlook it if not watching out for it. And it is this seed that eventually grows.
Your pitch is effective. And it had me doubting the seemingly helpful and sweet Ruth from the outset. IS she the monster I fear she may be? That will have to wait to know.
Really top notch writing. Its arms are open to the reader to devour. I have no doubt this will be published.
Backed
TL Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

Dear Raymond,
Thank you very much for supporting Ten Deep Footprints until the end.
Best wishes,
Lucette

Hi Lucette,

Thank you for your very generous comment which I picked up via my home email as I am no longer active on this site (see my profile) in the sense of chasing the desk through swapping comments. Your comment - after a very long interlude of some 93 days since previous comments - came as something of a surprise, albeit a very kind one.
I wonder whether you are thinking of a variant spelling of "manoeuvred" which is actually correct as it stands in my text, when you suggested " maneuvred". I was adhering to the Oxford English Dictionary.
Re the sentence you extract:
"The violin lesson over, wasn't the tutor only harmlessly opening up her miniature wicker basket full of chocolate caramelized eggs from which Rosie was to choose her favorite?"
please don't think me ungracious, but I specifically agonised over the wording in this in order to achieve the emotions I needed in Gerard at this point as his suspicions mount concerning Ruth's true motivation.
Again, I'm most grateful for your observations.

Ray

Hi Raymond,
I think your short pitch is a story in itself, so it's a good one. Your long pitch tells us an intriguing story and reads like a back-cover write-up, so it's a sufficient summary on your book's core concept.

I've only read the first two chapters of your book so that I could have a feel of your writing style in general, and I have to say that I enjoyed what I read so far.

Your characters Gerard and Rosie are well-portrayed and I liked the dialogue parts between them. They're well thought out and realistic. Your third-person voice is very suitable for the story's pace, and the text flows well, making it an easy-to-follow read.

In Chapter 2, please go over this sentence one more time, and I'm sure there's a better way to re-structure it;
The violin lesson over, wasn't the tutor only harmlessly opening up her miniature wicker basket full of chocolate caramelized eggs from which Rosie was to choose her favorite?

Also, please correct;
Having manoeuvred (maneuvered) his way through the upturned furniture,...

All in all, you have a great story here and I totally enjoyed your writing style.
High stars and best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Hi Raymond,
I think your short pitch is a story in itself, so it's a good one. Your long pitch tells us an intriguing story and reads like a back-cover write-up, so it's a sufficient summary on your book's core concept.

I've only read the first two chapters of your book so that I could have a feel of your writing style in general, and I have to say that I enjoyed what I read so far.

Your characters Gerard and Rosie are well-portrayed and I liked the dialogue parts between them. They're well thought out and realistic. Your third-person voice is very suitable for the story's pace, and the text flows well, making it an easy-to-follow read.

In Chapter 2, please go over this sentence one more time, and I'm sure there's a better way to re-structure it;
The violin lesson over, wasn't the tutor only harmlessly opening up her miniature wicker basket full of chocolate caramelized eggs from which Rosie was to choose her favorite?

Also, please correct;
Having manoeuvred (maneuvered) his way through the upturned furniture,...

All in all, you have a great story here and I totally enjoyed your writing style.
High stars and best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Hi Raymond,
Since my friend-request for you is still pending, and you only accept messages from your friends, I just wanted to thank you for backing Ten Deep Footprints. I'm honored to be in your shelf.
Best wishes,
Lucette Cohen Fins

This is just for me a good read it is

Hi Raymond,

Your book has received such wonderful reviews, and I am another one to sing its praises! From the very first page, I was taken in by Gerard’s peculiar, personal observations and of course, Miss Ruth‘s strange love affair with music and Gerard’s little girl, Rosie.

I couldn’t put the story down until I had read all you have uploaded. You have a wonderful way of allowing your readers inside the minds of your very complex characters. And the tone lilts between light and dark, playing in the shadows of the human mind. Bravo. You have created a literary masterpiece that shakes, moves, and changes its readers. Six stars!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Raymond,
I have read the first two chapters so far. I am always unpressed  when there is a piece of literary fiction that truly hooks even though there is no plot in evidence. It is the mark of a great character driven book, wonderful, beautiful writing, and the work of a craftsman. I can do very little for these first two chapters that prays them. You have a wonderful character development of every single character that you're receptive, and have done this very different ways; Gerard from within, Ruth from without, and Rosie through other's eyes. You convey his subtle madness, her wonderful spirit, and the little girl's innocence in such a compelling way that it fills me with curiosity to see what you're going to do with these characters.  I particularly liked the 12 disciples metaphor. You could have been very obvious with this. Instead it is very subtle. 
You have already reached the desk, so there's no point in backing this book at this point. However, I gladly would. Top stars and best of luck with it.
Best,
Maeve

Hello, Raymond,

Browsing for a good read, I hit on "A Child from the Wishing Well" and couldn't pause through ten chapters. Rosie, Botolph, Ruth, and Heather spring to life. The father's paranoia and the mother's apprehension sustain tension as Ruth and Rosie interact, and a new dimension takes form in Gerard's anxious attempt at parenthood. This is the book I was looking for.

Forgive me for stopping short of a detailed critique to mention my own novel, "The Doctor of Summitville." I think you would recognize there a literary effort similar to your own, and I hope you'd enjoy the result--a story of illicit love set in an American farm town during the 1920s and '30s. The medical case at the heart of the plot draws on information recalled from writing on tuberculosis control. The challenge was to use it with clarity while emphasizing the love element and its consequences. I'd appreciate your thoughts on whether I've succeeded.

I intend to finish your book, but I've already read enough to back it when I free some shelf space. --Bill

P.S.: Last week Kindle published my first novel, "The Burden of Matter" ($2.99).

I'm impressed with how quickly we understand Gerard's character. Even without reading the pitch, his paranoia is palpable in the first few paragraphs. Great characterization. In fact, all of the characters are developed well. Wow, Ruth is... well... interesting. And Rosie's instantly likeable and easy to sympathize with. I loved her line: "And maybe be dragons after?"

Vivid descriptions! I loved: "The bronze plate gave way to a blaze of exotic summer flowers. They cascaded on a cream background designed into a smocked sun dress." You sure know how to paint an image in your reader's mind. At the same time, I'm grateful that you avoid unnecessary details. You only give us what we need. Perfect.

Your writing is engrossing, and as I read, I completely forgot I was critiquing this. I can see why this made the desk

Typos: "Seven-year-olds" should be hyphenated since they're serving as a single adjective.

This is a fascinating opening chapter to what promises to be an intriguing, character-driven novel. Great work here!

I love the ideas! :) So clever... and the first chapter definitely leaves me wanting more. The character of Ruth is puzzling, especially the last line in the first chapter, which is just so powerful! Great book! :)

Hello Ray :)

When will A Child From The Wishing Well be available in paperback?

Ilyria x

hey! check your site messages!

i like the way you write. you have wonderful rhythm. It pissed me off when you called ruths plait a miracle, it was overkill, your sentences mystifying enough. best of luck my writing friend!!

congratulations on all this. sincerely

Denise
The Letter

Interesting, it has suspense which is good. I do feel however, that there could be more development. More so in the beginning, but no worries. I am sure there are things I need to work on as well. It is interesting at the beginnig where there loooks to be a flash of light in the child's eyes. Hmm, might have to come back later. But it is a good read.

Bravo.

Dear Raymond
I have been watching your book book climb as it has been one of my favorites. I have already commented and backed your book, and i just want to say congrats on reaching the top. I am so pleased and do wish you the very best. I do wish to see you are published and on the book shelves in the store as I wish to buy your book
Denise
The Letter

Dear Ron,

Thank you for your kind comment.

The inclusion of "Not Miss" in double inverted commas is correct and deliberate, as Ruth is, within her own speech, directly quoting what Rosie has just said; so that we have quotes within quotes... but thankyou for your observation.

Best wishes
Ray

Hi Raymond,

Congratulations on getting this story to the top. I can see why it got there. It's a great story and I'm sorry I got to it too late to help it in the ratings but you managed without my help, anyway.

I'm sure by now, you've already corrected anything that needs it in your original ms, but just in case, I did spot one speech mark error in the paragraph where Ruth says 'Not Miss' in the first chapter.

Good luck with this.

Ron

Hi Raymond,

Congratulations on getting this story to the top. I can see why it got there. It's a great story and I'm sorry I got to it too late to help it in the ratings but you managed without my help, anyway.

I'm sure by now, you've already corrected anything that needs it in your original ms, but just in case, I did spot one speech mark error in the paragraph where Ruth says 'Not Miss' in the first chapter.

Good luck with this.

Ron

I'm sorry, I'm rubbish at reviews. All I can tell you is that I'm completely blown away. Your writing arouses just the right quantity of fear, suspicion, and slight amusement in the reader. I shall check out your website.

Over and out,
FreshPress

ch 20 fingers hung like raw sausages... ROFL... love your character descriptions... but one thing.. to all readers.. make sure you've eaten first lol :)) im hungry now... sigh... great read!

ch 20 fingers hung like raw sausages... ROFL... love your character descriptions... but one thing.. to all readers.. make sure you've eaten first lol :)) im hungry now... sigh... great read!

Raymod -- this is a great read. I just got to read/back books so I'm sorry I haven't gotten to you sooner. Thank you so much again! I've backed it and have added your book to my watchlist. Keep writing -- loved it. Peace - Debra Darven

I've been meaning to get to this for ages! I've read your first chapter and can relate to the fear parents feel for their children's safety. Our son also took violin lessons for a short time, as did I. The violin can sound really bad in the hands of a novice, and I thought on more than one occasion that the teacher would kill our son for his playing. I often felt like it! Hah! I'm reading on. Q

This fascinating story is about a paranoid and repressed father who seeks to find his own inner child again and in this way learn to communicate with his daughter Rosie. Even with the first few chapters, one feels how lonely and sensitive a child Gerard Botolph must have been himself. Ray Nickford captures the swift changes of mood; the fear, disgust and intuitive sense of something sinister which Gerard has for Ruth, the wierd old music teacher who is to teach Rosie the violin. Contrasting this disgust is his inborn need to admire and revere someone and Ruth's musical genius entrances him.
Ruth is a strange characcter; she wears inappropriate clothes, a parody of youth when she is, in fact, an old hag, a crone. One feels the childlike fear once experienced by us all when reading a fairy tale as Gerard and Rosie enter Ruth's dark domain. Is she the witch with the gingerbread house and they Hansel and Gretel holding hands before they enter? (for Gerard is still immature at some level,) This story stirs our own unconscious minds, taking us back to childhood and the haunted corners of rooms and dark passageways, reminds us of that curiosity about the dark vegatative feminine side of life which both fascinates and repels the bright, light rational mind.
Sometimes the story feels like a dream which Gerard is dreaming, or rather his worst nightmare. Will he wake up from it all or is it all happening in reality?. It's a clever plot, beautifully written. Very good indeed.

Hmmm. This is a tough one. You seem to be a skillful writer, but I admit to ending the first chapter with no will to read on. Maybe it's a personal bias or an American vs British thing, but to me your characters are just too unlikable. Gerard seems exceedingly stodgy, and Ruth is the very picture of the overly patronizing old frump that would have had me, at age seven, fleeing for my life. Rosie, on the other hand, seems simply disengaged, which I'd say is to her credit - but it doesn't stir an interest in me to read any more about her.

To me, Chapter One is the one you really need to get right. You have to introduce the world your characters live in. You have to set the tone for everything to come. And, somehow, you need to get the audience on your side. That's the part where you lost me.

I know this wasn't the reaction you were looking for, but I hope it helps to know that some people, at least, will react this way.

Jann,

I'm so grateful that you have taken the time to read 10 chapters and thrilled that you have understood, in depth, my intentions for character development, suspense and plot.

Ray



The meticulous, obsessive nature of paranoia is beautifully depicted here, Ray. Gerard's frantic inner questioning of Ruth's motive's towards his daughter suggests a man who has lost completely any awareness of his own centre of balance. Hemmed in by his Botolph heritage, he has no capacity for demonstrative affection. He is also excruciatingly aware of it. As a result, he is haunted by the fear of losing what he loves, picking up every nuance of possibility and worrying at it like a terrier with a bone. The elderly Ruth, who bonds so easily with Rosie, becomes a potential ogre who will spirit away his daughter's heart.

But then we ask ourselves, are his suspicions justified?

This fraught situation drew me in from the start and delivers a compulsive read. What an irony that it should ultimately be Heather who is convinced that the apparently dotty music teacher is having sinister effects on their daughter! The sudden deaths of Heather and Ruth are shocking (sorry--no pun intended), and I felt as agitated and full of dread as Rosie trying to tell her father on the phone.

Ruth's character, in particular, whether she is acting out the characters of all the garden squirrels or throwing newspapers into the air to illustrate the varied enthusiasms of different composers, comes across in vivid flashes, funneled through the perceptions of others. Effective, and startlingly graphic. Great qualities in a thriller, especially when you've got a story that makes your blood run cold as well.
Backed, though I'll be giving music teachers a wide berth in future.

Jann King ("Making Connections")

Hi Raymond,

I like how you portray the strained relationship between father and daughter. Gerard's unsure fatherly abilities really comes to life with his thoughts. Backed and hope it helped to give you a little boost.

Alice V
The Shoes that Charlotte Wore

reviewed by harper colins wow wow wow, i had to take my work off cz my poetry was just too little to only put some one, i wish u all the best

Well done!! I'm very excited for you. The best of luck
Keri

congratulations.
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'

Raymond,
I haven't been able to read all of the chapters as of yet, but what I have read is very well written. Your style draws the reader in and entwines us into the story. Can't wait to be able to complete the reading. Backed!

Coco DeJarnett
The Monster Under The Bed

Congratulations on making it to the editor's desk. I hope for the best for you.
Sharon Cooper
Seka

Well done!

Philip John

Very good. Happy to trade reads.
I found it a bit difficult to follow the dialogue at first but the next thing I know I'm chuckling along and frowning at Gerard's discomfort and awkwardness.
You've captured 3 very different voices in the first chapter and done it very well. Backed.

Fascinating first chapter. I especially liked how you managed to pull together breaking and disciples to lead to breaking bread at the last super and how that later fed into the concept of a crucifixion. You definitely made me feel like I had some insight into the mental instability behind paranoia. I also loved the awkward moment when he objected to ‘Our Rosie’ and I was relieved to note that he hadn’t been heard.

Best of luck with this

Marise

Hi Nick - Just checked out the first three chapters of 'A Child From The Wishing Well' as promised.. and just before the deadline!
Good work - I can see why you're top 5! Look like a well crafted story with good dialogue & realistic characters. Backed with pleasure.
Adrian Lee

A Mrs. Fenton taught me, she was lovely. This aside I've just finished reading the first chapter and have enjoyed what I have read so far. The end is such a subtle cliff hanger but none-the-less I still had to whizz to chapter two to see what happened. Love the thought processes Gerard is going through (and subsequently how you have written his mind-journey) and the dialogue is spot on. Good luck, Will

A spectacular psychological thriller, keeps you guessing, and draws you into the story so deaply that you start to empathise with the main character. ;-). Marvelous work!

Good luck, Raymond... Home you're still on the top five at the end of the day. You deserve the attention.

A chilling, carefully written story in the tradition of the E.A.Poe but planted in the present and the recent past. The bold, believable characters and the subtle evolution of the plot keep you reading throughout the night; this is not an exaggeration, in fact I stopped reading at 2 a.m.

Backed.

Peter G

Wishing you good luck Ray.

Your book is great and should published xxx

So close to the Editor's desk, and so deserving. I hope they do more than just review it too. This should be in print! Good luck!!

Ray, This is a fantastic book. Hope you get to number one :)
I just could not put it down xxxx

A beautifully crafted work. It depicts a quite horiffic emotional journey beautifully. A tour de force. Bravo!

Hello Ray. loved your writing. no surprise really you're already at no 5. - Terri Douglas

I could have sworn that I already comment on this, Raymond. Only because I remember reading it and becoming enthralled with the story. A Child From The Wishing Well, is one of the best reads on this site. Your character development is amazing and I have actually glanced back at it numerous times to help me with my writing. Backed! Backed! Backed!

Good Luck.
Kelly Libsack
Ethereal Sight

Raymond,

I am impressed with your writing. We shall keep hunting for the right agent and publisher. I would much rather write than do all this business stuff, which is usually disappointing. I have to remember that Madeleine L'Engel's first book was turned down 28 times, and it took James Joyce 10 years to whip "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man," into saleable shape.

Good luck with your rise to the top. Try to remember those of us somewhat farther down.
Thanks, live and be well.
Lin

Raymond,

I am impressed with your writing. We shall keep hunting for the right agent and publisher. I would much rather write than do all this business stuff, which is usually disappointing. I have to remember that Madeleine L'Engel's first book was turned down 28 times, and it took James Joyce 10 years to whip "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man," into saleable shape.

Good luck with your rise to the top. Try to remember those of us somewhat farther down.
Thanks, live and be well.
Lin

I am loving this story, the sense of menace combined with Gerrard's mental frailty combine to create a fantastically atmospheric novel. What I think is so interesting though, is that you have perfectly captured the fragility and complexity of the parent-child relationship: as a parent I can completely related to the sense of discomfort that we feel when an adult who isn't family develops a close relationship with our children and this is something that I think many readers can identify with even if they haven't previously had exposure to anxiety or mental/psychological problems. All extremely well drawn. The very best of luck with this
Alison