Book Jacket


rank 132
word count 17714
date submitted 25.10.2011
date updated 26.06.2014
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Horror, Comedy
classification: universal

Take A Breather


Next time I will get a poodle. I hate poodles. If he goes missing, I will never notice. Plus, you can practice topiary on them.


Comfort, Colorado is a sleepy little village nestled at the foot of the Rocky Mountains, just beyond the Eisenhower tunnels. Surrounded by a forest of gold and orange, it’s a picture-perfect paradise on sunny, autumn days like today. Right now, the meteorite destined to slam into poor George Potts’ head and begin the zombie apocalypse is still weeks away, Fred and Timmy are happy and breathing back in Jersey, and the Turnpike … well, the Turnpike is still shit.

The prequel to "I've Been Deader," "Take A Breather" brings us back to a simpler time. A time before zombies, crazed children and civil servants. Okay, so some horrors never go away. Find out how the residents of Comfort, Colorado got along when the only things they had to worry about were each other.

But don't despair, like the Division of Motor Vehicles, the story still has plenty of zombies. So stock up on canned goods, lock the cellar door and come along for a ride to see how it all started.

NOTE: I LEFT OUT THE GOOD BITS. So it reads odd.

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A.Paine wrote 85 days ago

This was excellent.
It is not surprising that this found the mark with me. Zombies and humour, and full of unseen surprises. It is right up y alley. The writing itself is near flawless, and you display a real ability to build tension and lead the reader one way, then reverse it with the flick of a switch. Very interesting and well written. Some nice plays on words, 'it was a habit he was in the habit of breaking' ha.
WL and high stars, and i think I will have to back this when i have given those on my shelf their due time.

Best of luck,

nenno wrote 259 days ago

Saw the heartbroken thread and decided to have a gander... Great bait, btw. Probably one of the most polished stories on this site, so would give it 6 stars for that, then take away three because you made me throw up, sigh. If you had a woman, as you declare in your heartbroken thread, I am sure she is putting a continent between the two of you. You make King look like a newbie.
Well done, i think.
The Tomorrow Thief.

Elysium wrote 2 days ago

Few thoughts while reading

Prologue. Love it!

They were all covered in white person and her first thought was snowmen, why would he collect snowmen? Don’t get the white person? All covered in white?

Love the chapter, I’m enjoying this.

Chapter Five & Six
‘George’ are both the same

Catch & Release.
Adore it

Loving it all.

Stopped after Ethan takes a nap. Run out of time.

This is excellent, great writing, descriptive, effortless and fluid with solid dialogue. Couldn’t fault it at all, except the repeated chapter and that odd white person bit.

Backed and high stars. Hugely enjoyable.

Rob-Gregson wrote 38 days ago

I liked the clever structure that's at work here. Putting a single line prologue at the end of the opening section was an amusing touch - signalling a wry approach to the story and a willingness to step outside of the conventional. This isn't, it seems, a book that is going to take itself enormously seriously and I think that's something very much to be welcomed.

I also like the surprises and the sense of disorientation that follow from this structure. In the opening chapter, the reader quite naturally questions whether George, the old man, is destined to become the main character. We are carried along with his likeable, very human feelings and then - ah, no - we find that this probably isn't going to be our protagonist after all. Ditto chapter 2: is the well-meaning Lisa, with all her patience and person-centred professionalism going to be the one to lead us through the events to come? Again, possibly not... It's an approach that worked so famously in 'Psycho' - establishing a protagonist with whom we feel comfortable, only to whip the character away and leave us feeling adrift and confused. In this novel, there's a sense of comfort and normality gradually being taken away from us and that, of course, is one of the things that makes for a first rate horror story.

Watch-listed and highly starred.

Unreliable Histories

KJD wrote 45 days ago

Wonderful wonderful opening. I'm hooked. You earn a place on my watchlist for this start alone. I'll read on over the w/e and if the upcoming chapters are as good as the opening, you'll fill the last space on my bookshelf.

Nice one.


digsblues wrote 66 days ago

Interesting. I stopped at Chapter 2 to try to figure out what the corpses being covered in white person meant.

JMMoellers wrote 78 days ago

First off, I am not really a fan of zombie books but I thought I would give your work a try. I am glad that I did because you give an interesting take by starting with the viewpoint of a zombie. I like the humor of this story. I have only read chapter 1 and I hope that you go into more of the inconveniences of being a half living person. The description of George's ailments is good and makes him seem like he was human at one point which I don't usually feel with zombie stories.

So far, I have enjoyed your story and I plan to place it on my watch list. The only real issue I have is repeating joes can sometimes get old so I would be careful to find the balance between establishing the joke and prolonging the joke. But you have an enjoyable read and I believe that there are only minor fixes.

John Moellers
The Reluctant Savior

Lindsay Cross wrote 79 days ago

Got to chapter
I like the first chapter. Great opening. I didn't find anything there that needed changing. Very surprised to see the story written from the Zombie perspective!
Okay, so we go back to the beginning to see how it all started, supposedly, in chapter 2 and so on. But, although the chapters are written well, I'm not sure why 2-4 goes where it goes. It almost comes across as a book of short stories. Then we hit chapter 5 and it starts as per your pitch.(Liked the pitch BTW) Just a note: chapter 5&6 are repeats, not sure what may have happened in your upload, but I think you grabbed the same file for both chapters.
Some typos in a couple of places.

I will read on to see how the story goes.

Lindsay Cross

A.Paine wrote 85 days ago

This was excellent.
It is not surprising that this found the mark with me. Zombies and humour, and full of unseen surprises. It is right up y alley. The writing itself is near flawless, and you display a real ability to build tension and lead the reader one way, then reverse it with the flick of a switch. Very interesting and well written. Some nice plays on words, 'it was a habit he was in the habit of breaking' ha.
WL and high stars, and i think I will have to back this when i have given those on my shelf their due time.

Best of luck,

Debbie R wrote 91 days ago

Adam, this isn't my usual genre but I am sure the kids at school will be impressed when I tell them I've been reading a zombie horror book.
From the off, I like your writing style - the humour is well written and the way you build George's character makes him real.
'like small acts of kindness' - even though Jenny is dead, I like her for this.
George's age and subsequent frailties build through the chapter and you had me feeling really concerned for the poor, old man. Then, wham!, he's not who we thought he was. Great ending to the chapter.

I liked the brief Prologue. It brought the opening chapter to a halt and had me ready for chapter two.

Now we have the politicians discussing the fact that the U.S. is to be hit by bacteria nodules.
The humour is very good and had me chuckling.
' ... proving the political DNA pool was shallow but not empty.' I particularly liked this.

Lisa's character is well drawn. Great idea her being a 'clean up therapist'.
Mr Hayden and his 'hoarding' habit appeared to be mundane and all in a day's work for the lovely Lisa.
I knew she shouldn't have gone down those stairs - but somehow I felt she deserved it. Not sure if this is how I am supposed to feel.

I have really enjoyed what I have read so far. Of course, I expected the writing to be very good from your FFF stories which are always impressive, but I wasn't sold on the zombie genre.
This is quirky, entertaining, engaging and intriguing. The pace is snappy and the dialogue convincing.
I like the way the story is building with the opening chapters and bizarre assortment of characters.

What more can I say but to give you lots of stars and admit that I have been lulled to the 'dark side'.


Eric R. Jackson wrote 93 days ago

FCCG2 Chapter 1 (prologue?) Review.

First Impression: Great first line. Always a good sign when the first lines make me smile.
The third paragraph is way too cluttered for my taste, you’re being wordy for a boring act. (It doesn’t make it any more exciting.)

Redundancies. Nothing kills a joke more than repeating yourself. Three times. You mention not having to pee three times. (Then you mention peeing again in the forth. That poor horse.)

Tense slip, and why are presenting something like gunfire… passively?

Over explaining makes Eric a sad panda. (…from what he assumed were police cars)

Strange descriptions at times. “People moving around sounds.” I know what you mean… but…

Nice twist on the MC being a Zombie. With that out of the way, I like this hook but some of the execution stuff almost buried it for me.

Shuffling over to your pitches for a moment. They lack Brains! ...I mean focus. You aren’t getting the point of this book across in your Long Pitch. It’s nothing but set up. Is it a series of short stories detailing people going about their lives in a looming Zombie Apocalypse? Or does it stay close to a character to accomplish a progressive story?

I want to take a big bite out of this story, but I’m checking the nutritional facts first. Your short pitch tells me nothing. I don’t have a character to latch onto or a conflict. Part of the nature of a pitch is to tell me, the reader, why I should be interested in this over other zombie stories.

I like Zombies though so I’ll probably look over a few more chapters. .. before… Raaaah. Exclaimation Points! Said Replacements!

Pippa Whitethorn wrote 94 days ago

Very much enjoyed your first chapter. In fact I can't find anything to pick fault with. George seems very much a man of a certain age - he does fall asleep while standing up, which is slightly odd, but apart from that he seems very normal and likable. In between the mundanity of him getting up to pee you have the slowly ratcheting tension of the darkness, the sirens, the gun fire. Then the knocking on the door. Liked the Poe quote. Nice twist at the end, although you have given us clues - the cold, the moaning, the slow movement. Also liked the title at the bottom of the page and the last couple of lines. A funny zombie book - how can anyone resist?

MJPass wrote 95 days ago

Liked it. Had echos of 'World War Z' so be careful (i.e, origin of virus and its nature) but the comedy sold it to me. Good to see a funny zombie apocalypse for a change. Not laughed at one since 'Zombieland'. Tighten up the grammar and you're onto a winner.

(The Wolf And The Bear)

Lighter wrote 98 days ago


1: Did the story have a strong hook? Yes. the sound of the sirens is a good announcement there is danger in the neighborhood. The pounding on the door re-enforces this.

2: Was the writing quality comparable with published writing? Yes, I think people who like zombie books (me) will enjoy this a lot.

3: Were the characters compelling? It's refreshing to see a book begin with a senior citizen type of character. I think you tell us he's old a few too many times , tho. Maybe cut back on so many references to that.

4: Was there sufficient tension and conflict in the opening scene? Yes. Between wondering what's happening outside and having to pee, there's a lot of tension.

5: What were the strengths of the first chapter? I like the way it takes George so long to get to the door. Provides tension all the while he's slowly shuffling that way.

6: What was the weaknesses of the first chapter? As above, I could have used a few less references to how old George is. (a little overkill)?

Overall, a good first chapter, especially with the lead-in to the prologue at the end or an announcement that wasn't really the beginning. Clever writing.

Zoe Morgan wrote 104 days ago

Hi, Splinker :-)

This is a review for FCCG2

Short pitch - How could I could a Zombie apocalypse be the least of my troubles? How the hell can I not read this book after this?

Chapter 1

I already feel at ease with your narrative one sentence had been three wars and six elections since he'd slept through the night without peeing"

You set the scene confidently, the darkness, the blurred red and blue lights washed over the windows and the way your narrative matches George's carefree and sarcastic voice.

Then the very closing sentence jolted me. You cheeky git! I expected the hall to be full of blood soaked Zombies, or possibly the little girl, not our current min character. Well played sir, well played.

So, as a first chapter you've nailed it. Black comedy, a quirky narrative, excellent pacing and a good hook. No typos and nothing to trip over. I want more so it's on the watch list.

I've loaded it up with stars and wish you the very best.

Zoe x

PhilippaS wrote 114 days ago

Okay - I am HOOKED. Haven't even "opened the book" but I'm sitting here laughing at the end of the long pitch, so that must be good. Congratulations for being shortlisted on the First Lines competition - you certainly deserve it with pitches like these.

Robert Wingfield wrote 117 days ago

Nice writing, well polished but I'm afraid it didn't grab me in the first few paragraphs. You have to start with fireball in this sort of novel and then once you have the reader hooked, you can do flashbacks etc. I'd start with the murder and then backtrack to show how it all came together, but then that's just me. Keep up the good work though (still deserves 4 stars).

vee8 wrote 250 days ago

For your cheek!
Chap.2. Great opening. A jolly Santa sort of character, who then talks like a total asshole. Nice switch, and raised my first chuckle.
A whole bunch of miles away. Detached and glib description. Good way of showing the actual distance is irrelevant. Don't tie the reader down with minor inconcequenses like distance!
The political DNA pool, great lines again!
So far I'm loving the irreverent style of humour, and piss-taking of politics. The Whitehouse had it coming!
Chap.2. Minor typo. 'Before she could raise her hand to ring the bell 'and' a reedy... the 'and' is out of place.
Dark ending to the chapter. Bit of the old 'Psycho' there.
Chap.4. One word. Disturbing! This town already has enough problems, and you want to hit them with a plague of zombies? That's cruel!
Well, this is a first for me, a zombie book. Not much for horror and gore, so I elected to stop when the blood started flowing, but the humour is, for me, though dark, still a strong point. Style is very good and pace is cracking. Character development, well, so far half of them are already dead! This will be a terrific read for those who are so disposed towards this genre, I can see this doing very well on the bookshelves, given the current topicallity of all things un-dead!

nenno wrote 259 days ago

Saw the heartbroken thread and decided to have a gander... Great bait, btw. Probably one of the most polished stories on this site, so would give it 6 stars for that, then take away three because you made me throw up, sigh. If you had a woman, as you declare in your heartbroken thread, I am sure she is putting a continent between the two of you. You make King look like a newbie.
Well done, i think.
The Tomorrow Thief.

Tracie Podger wrote 409 days ago

Saw this on a thread and decided to take a look. Chaper one had me thinking, OK, another zombie book, chapter two threw me. And continued to throw me until chapter 15! There is a great mix of seriousness and humour and your story is so well written and addictive it kept me turning page after page. I have only stopped because I have to be somewhere but will read more later.

I noticed a couple of things, chapter 8 & 9 are the same
every instead of ever in chapter 11
not instead of no in chapter 11
is instead of in in chapter 14

Be back for more. :)

Tornbridge wrote 621 days ago

I was just about to log out when I spotted this. Can I say that normally given the choice between reading horror and gluing my forehead to a tramp’s backside, I would probably be under a railway bridge right now attached to an irate hobo. I’m so glad I had no glue because I stumbled onto this read and laughed so much a little bit of wee came out.
Really funny, really well written. It has razor wit and bundles of contempt and sarcasm.
It’s on my watchlist and highly rated.


The Washington Adventure

tarasimone wrote 642 days ago

This was a fascinating read. I found some parts of it made me positively squeamish. Your bad characters are bad indeed.

The point at which you stopped uploading the MS is brilliant, and I can't imagine what is going to happen next. A great unseen twist.

I'm sorry that my review is not in more detail, I've been sick since reading the story and didn't take notes.

If the prologue is anything to go by the rest of this book is going to be a fun read.

I'm guessing the misspelling of Crichton is on purpose?

both covered with the tarps which
both covered with tarps which

Outside the car, she paused to enjoy the crisp autumn air and apply her professional smile for her unseen audience. She gave the house the once over, finding it to be more or less what she expected. Eight years as a "clean up therapist" taught her to recognize the familiar signs -- two storage sheds, unkempt lawn, cars in the driveway instead of garage, all the window shades drawn down; nothing unusual there. Several creepy garden gnomes flanked a small stone walkway leading away from the front porch. Over-cheery bearded little trouble makers, used by some of the “shanty Irish” and first generation Italians to scare off fairies and brownies. There must have been more than twenty of the things.

That’s something new.
I'm fairly sure the new thingies the gnomes. But it wasn't clear to me.

It’s doctor Smalls
Doctor (though earlier you used Dr.)

The first thing she noticed newspapers
was newspapers

They filled almost the front room. Beyond were magazine and books,
They filled most of the front room/ They almost filled the front room. Beyond were magazines and books,

cheeks and stared at his feet
cheeks and he stared at his feet

(she’d have bet her last dollar he didn’t own a dog),
This felt a little harsh/judgmental... Not in character for her...

Any attempt to cook anything
Any attempt to cook something

why your son was concerned.”
why your son is concerned.”

JGalt wrote 836 days ago

Very entertaining, if not a little sloppy in parts. The typos and punctuation errors became distracting at times. Fun read though.

AudreyB wrote 837 days ago

Yo, Splink!

What an engaging yet utterly terrifying first coupla chapters. I did not see the good doctor's fate coming. I like how you spell out the exact nature of what's about to happen so effectively in the first chapter, which was really Chapter 3. And I loved the interaction between Dr. and Client in chapter 4. I particularly enjoyed the client's hesitance...made the ending so much more satisfactory.

Congratuations on your well earned victory!!

Forgiveness Fits

Mindy Haig wrote 850 days ago

Hi Splinker,
Hey I took a look at your book today, and well, I was not a big fan of the President, but once I got past that, I breezed through 12 chapters before I even knew it! There are a few typos, but nothing really glaring. The book is exciting and keeps pace well. I look forward t finishing it!
The Wishing Place

Tori Cross wrote 855 days ago

Congratulations on nearly winning March Madness. This is a fun and clever book. I'm just a reader, so I'm no good at helping with critiques.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 857 days ago

Dear Splinker

So, okay this is not my usual kind of read, but I saw that Sue had backed it, so I thought, "Take a look". And I had done, ages ago. Took another look. Revelation. The first part was so funny, I was grinning and sniggering. Comedy - yay! I could do with that. The next couple of chapters, though. are just horrific, though, they make me feel ill.

The thing is, I had underestimated this read. It is funny, and punchy and so me goose bumps. I didn't leave a comment last time, but this time I want to say that I admire your style. It is very vivid and involving. Just a pity about the subject matter, is all.

I have put your rating up because this is so original and colourful.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Cara Gold wrote 857 days ago

The pitch caught my eye… and so far this has been a very enjoyable read! The storyline is catchy, the writing polished, and the reader is easily drawn in!

I particularly like your writing style with the modern flair - the Twitter sequence and murder particular stood out for me!

You have a lot going on and I’m excited to see how everything is going to come together.

All the best with this :)

The Awakening: Dawn of Destruction

ClaireLyman wrote 857 days ago

Not a fan of zombies so I've been avoiding this, but what someone should have told me was that you can really write! Love your voice. "just enough fat to make him look honest" - brilliant little touch! And it's the Tea Party incharge, with a shallow but not empty DNA pool! I might have to back this regardless of who wins March Madness!

Winston Chad Emerson wrote 859 days ago

Like a zombie version of Dr. Strangelove. Hilarious, fast-paced, engaging. I love it and would definitely buy this based on reading a page or two in a bookstore. Great stuff.

See the March Madness thread shortly for results.

Verse_Artiste wrote 859 days ago

Hi Adam,
Sorry it's taken so long to get round to reading the latest additions to this. It continues to develop as a tense and thrilling story, with the plot becoming more complex. You are still leaving the reader hanging in suspense at the end of each chapter. Still delivering exactly what this reader wants from your story and still slipping the odd typo in for good measure. I think I've said it before, but your writing has matured in a lot of ways since IBD - and I believe this should do well too. (If not even better.) Keep me posted on later developments. You have a permanent place on my shelf anyway as you always pay your rent upfront.


Brian Bandell wrote 861 days ago

There's a lot going on here and all of it is gory entertainment. I found the Twitter murder particularly good, although you have to explain how the killer was able to mask his identity while using Twitter. It has to be tied to an email account, I believe, and then relayed through a cell phone tower. So there are two ways to track it. How could he have an email that can't be traced? How would he send a signal on his cell phone without them tracing it? It's possible that he used a stolen cell phone, though.

Another quality specimen of writing. Well done and backed.

Brian Bandell

Anton Cross wrote 864 days ago

Easily the best, funniest book since I've Been Deader!

marfleet wrote 869 days ago

Take A Breather

Love the pace and humour in the beginning, then it gets pretty creepy and quite believable (unfortunately for today’s world where I hope it doesn’t give anyone ideas)
Although the writing is great my concern is that it doesn’t all tie in quickly enough. This may e because I haven’t read the other book but I felt even at Chap 10 that I was waiting to see what relevance the President bit and the hoarder had to the tweeter. Maybe getting a link in earlier would help.
Comment made at C5:Great spooky twist at the end of C4 , C5 very creepy but I tended to wonder about the relevance and hoped C3, C 4 and C5 link in soon.

Aside from that small thing the book is excellent. The dialogue smooth and believable and great character development - it is certainly a gripping story. High stars.

Some editing/typos

Chap 3
- …calming breath.” || the (“) is an error
- “wake up in Michael Crichton novel” - love it!
- ...that Dobbs. ||…than Dobbs.

Chap 4
- “He was most likely looking at her from somewhere inside the house.” || this exact sentence is duplicated in paragraphs one and two so you may want to re word/cut one of them.
- …out of dime light… || …the dim light…
- …alphabetically , by title… || …alphabetically, by title… (extra space)
Chap 5
- And not even he couldn’t tease them out || ...he could..
Chap 8
- “Let’s home so, smart aleck.” || … hope so…

A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

Eric Laing wrote 873 days ago

Good stuff.

A positive...liked the descriptions regarding the war room and the line from the POTUS about waking up in a Crichton novel.

A nit...the "in his merry fucking eyes" felt like too much authorial intrusion.

All the best with this. I believe it will do well here.

Janet T wrote 880 days ago

After reading "I've Been Deader," i thought i would never read again. Now this masterpiece falls into my laptop. I just want to say thank you for this wonderful gift, Mr. splinker. Whoever we are.

Greenleaf wrote 890 days ago

Wow, Splinker. This is scary, creepy, and totally entertaining. I didn't get a chance to read I've Been Deader, but I read all the chapters you have posted for Take A Breather. I love your writing style. Can't wait for the rest of the story.

It's on my watchlist right now, but I'll try to back it very soon.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

DaisyFitz wrote 896 days ago

Um, I got a little carried away reading, despite the fact I was in the house alone, it's dark outside... and those serial killer scenes are very creepy. I was hoping to have the presidents dilemma to feature a bit more, but what the hell, the Seeker bits were ace.

Happily shelved. ;)


Stellajr wrote 904 days ago

I was suffering from insomnia last night and decided to read a bedtime story to help. Not a wise choice reading "Take a Breather" when I was trying to lull myself off to sleep. I was awake until 3:00 a.m. - just so I could finish all of it. Pretty scary stuff; you even mention the Jersey Turnpike. It doesn't get much scarier than that!

I agree with the Stephen King comparison. And like SK, you kept me reading long past when I'd left my comfort zone.

Did you intend to say "Purple Harem" instead of "Procol Harum" in Chapter 5? I wasn't sure if you were being clever - or were a victim of autocorrect. I found a few typos scattered throughout - I didn't take time to write them down. It was dark, and I was reading on my phone. Which, BTW, was the perfect way to read this for maximum affect.

Best of luck with this-

DaisyFitz wrote 904 days ago

I jumped in at Ch6 - Daisy. For obv reasons. I like. I still think the italics are unness. The narrative is so his that the internal thoughs sit utterly naturally with it.

Am off to do Ch1... or 2, wherever it starts.


str8 wrote 955 days ago

You posted about reading one of your books on the forums, so here I am, reading your book. All in all, I like it very much. The idea of a zombie apocalypse obviously isn't new itself, but the concepts surrounding it and the way you bring it in to play are ingenious. Very well done. The only thing I would change is the cursing. It just seems to be forced, and sort of detracts from the book. Other than that, very well done.

LuvsikPuppy wrote 967 days ago

OK - you know I'm a fan of your writing, but reading this again today, it occurred to me that I haven't properly commented on Authonomy before - so here goes:

As time goes by your writing and storytelling skills have become stronger. This is building beautifully and is exactly the sort of story I've been hooked on for years. I love the way there are so many 'little' stories making up the whole. It kind of reminds me of the way Stephen King structured some of his, notably 'Under the Dome' and my all-time favourite 'The Stand', but your writing has something else about it that I can't quite pinpoint which makes it uniquely yours. Your characters spring to life from the page through their actions, thoughts and dialogue.

At this point, I am left wanting to know not only what happens next, but also worrying about characters I'm getting to know and what will become of them. (Of course, having read IBD, I already know how some of them end up!)

I know that you made great headway with this during NaNoWriMo, so I hope you can keep up the impetus now that it's over. I'm sure that many others will be dying to see this as a published work. It's on my shelf for as long as it takes.


Stephanie King wrote 971 days ago

This is brilliant. I've read it all and await the rest of it with bated breath, Can't stay breathless for too long - the brain cells start to die off so please hurry up and post more, or take full responsibility for a young woman's demise into helpless insanity.

K.T.Bowman wrote 975 days ago

This is a lot of fun :) I know it's a prequel and maybe I should have read the original first, but I liked it regardless.

Your style is interesting - at first it feels like several short stories that are unconnected. Instead of detracting from it though, it made me want to read on and see how they all end up relating to the central story. You've also got a good mix of horror and comedy. The scenes with the tweeting murderer were fascinating, grisly but impossible to look away from, and I really liked the internal thoughts of the man who lures his girlfriend into thinking he's got a hidden secret in the basement.

The only part I found implausible (in a story with talking dead people, possible zombie infections and men who hoard bodies....) was that the police couldn't trace someone tweeting a murder. It's not like I've ever tried to get away with something like that myself though - maybe it's easier than it sounds to cover your tracks!

I hope you're writing more of this, because I'll definitely be looking out for new chapters :)


Danile Night wrote 979 days ago

I like the way the story runs. The way it jumps from person to person is both a nice change of pace, creative, and unique. This is something that is going to make it to the top just like "I've Been Deader" did.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 989 days ago

Your writing is good. It feels convincing, relaxed and real. I like the first "short" though even I could tell that the basement would hold something a bit out of the ordinary. Your descriptive passages are rewarding. I can feel myself there.

Having read on I want to run away as fast as I can from your macabre scenes. I just don't have the stomach for them. I feel your talents are being wasted here. Why not write something we could enjoy? D'you enjoy writing this? I know what it is to have a wicked sense of humour....

All the best,

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Zombie Sock Puppet wrote 993 days ago

This is very good. But were are the zombies?

Fred Le Grand wrote 993 days ago

Very well-written gory stuf this.
Reminds me a bit of 'Swimsuit' which has similar fright inducing characteristics.
The pace is good and the character portrayal is excellent.

Sharahzade wrote 995 days ago


OMG! This is more than a cliff hanger. I am already plunging down the ravine. That last bit in Chapter Two was pure horror. I felt as confused as Lisa not knowing who is actually there and talking to her. I am not sure I can read on, yet I want to. What an excercise in suspense. Well done.

Colorado is my home and I live here now. The beginning was authentic to the locale.

I think I will back this because you pulled my chain real good, Splinker.

Mary Enck
A King in Time

LivingChallenged wrote 995 days ago

I lived in Colorado for a bit of my life. I have been through the Eisenhower tunnel many times. :-)

"Comfort, Colorado was a picture perfect, a paradise on" A picture perfect what?

Too many doors too close together. Maybe a few entrances are needed. She smiled at the wood barrier maybe. A pile of unread newspapers waiting at the entrance maybe.

Wichita instead of Wichata, unless you meant for him to be mispronouncing it

I remember this from FFF, so I will skim and go onto the next chapter. :-)

Lisa Scullard wrote 995 days ago

Awesome :)