Book Jacket

 

rank 1099
word count 30977
date submitted 01.11.2011
date updated 29.06.2012
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Young Adult
classification: universal
incomplete

Nikolas and Company: The Merman and The Moon Forgotten

Kevin McGill

Nikolas Lyons is the only hope for the city of Huron, the cradle of all magical civilization. Oh boy.

 

“The Rones lie about their true intent. They enter the city of Huron at the peril of us all.” – The Voice of Huron
After hearing the cry for help from a strange woman, fourteen year old Nick Lyons and company are transported from a space age future to a mythic past when Earth is tethered to the fantastic world of Mon, or as we have come to call her, the Moon. He soon learns that the city of Huron, with its fire-breathing winged lions, volcano-born nymphs and magic so thick in the air you can breathe it, is the cradle of all magical civilization. More so, Nick Lyons is the steward. There’s only one problem.
Nick Lyons.
When Nick gets involved, things tend to go awry—burning down the neighbor’s greenhouse kind of awry. And so no one believes him when he says that an evil lurks under the cobblestone streets of Huron. To make matters worse, his best friend, Xanthus, is infected by a mysterious creature while aboard the Mottle Craw.
Nick finds himself tasked with finding a cure for a sick Xanthus and protecting the city of Huron from the mysterious creature most foul.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

alternate history, elf, fairies, flying ships, giant, magic, mermaids, monster, moon, pirates, pixies, steampunk, troll

on 19 watchlists

38 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Tod Schneider wrote 648 days ago

Stellar fantasy writing! You create a wonderful cast of ... creatures?! With vivid descriptions, and you leap into a high-action scene right from the start. The dialogue feels right as well. Most excellent! Six stars! Best of luck with this.
Any interest in kids' literature? If so, you are invited to take a peek at the Lost Wink!
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Di Manzara wrote 653 days ago

Hi Kevin,

This to me looks really interesting. The title and pitches are good, well-written. I've WL this for now. I'll come back soon to read it.

It's me,
D
LEO & ROVER: THE PURPLE MARBLE ADVENTURE

superostah wrote 657 days ago

Hi, your friend Laura suggested I come over here and take a look at your manuscript. I could only give the time for the first chapter right now, but there's so much going on in that first chapter that I know I need to come back just to see where all these different items are leading. You're on my WL, I'll be back.

artifactory wrote 658 days ago

Great start, so original, and the descriptions are well crafted. I'll be back to read more!

Karen A. Librarian wrote 659 days ago

I believe I have convinced my director to order this for our branch if funding is still available this year! Wonderful!

M. E. Harrow wrote 700 days ago

This book has overtones of Tad Williams' Otherland novels - my personal favourite. I love the tension in the story, questions are raised straight away and as an avid reader I want to think about a book instead of just getting drip-fed everything. The dialogue is well written and the descriptions aren't overly drawn out. I can really imagine the world being like this in the future which is exciting.
Well done,
ME Harrow.

kevinonpaper wrote 736 days ago

STILL an awesome book from a very talented author..... just sayin' :)



:)

Laura A. D. wrote 737 days ago

STILL an awesome book from a very talented author..... just sayin' :)

cskarp wrote 763 days ago

Wow. Really loved Chapter 1. I rarely like a book so much right from the start, but you've got my attention! Great job!

High stars for great writing too, reads well but doesn't feel "dumbed down" in any way. Just a couple suggestions:

"Is--Is it painful?" said Yeri, should read "asked Yeri"

Slowly, he sidestepped to the stagecoach and pulled out, what Yeri could only describe..., I believe there should be no comma between "out" and "what"

Great start, watchlisted for now!

Cheers,
cskarp

Shelby Z. wrote 863 days ago

Nope, I've never seen a bigger version of this before.
Yet I think it is a good cover for your book.
Well, hope to read more of your book this up coming week.

Shelby Z./Driving WInds.

P.S. Please, when you have time, take a look at my pirate adventure Driving WInds. :)

kevinonpaper wrote 863 days ago

Thanks. Actually my illustrator did this one. Question. Can u see a bigger version of the cover somewhere? People have commented on the cover before, but I don't know where they're looking.

The cover is a lot better.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 864 days ago

The cover is a lot better.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

kevinonpaper wrote 865 days ago

Chapter 6 R-5235 is live!

kevinonpaper wrote 868 days ago

Hey folks. Every friday I will release a new chapter!

kevinonpaper wrote 868 days ago

OK. Well. I learned my lesson on that. Went under 10,000 words and lost my bookshelves. Oh well....

Shelby Z. wrote 868 days ago

I only read the first chapter, but I was captivated nonetheless!
The details in this book are so real with excitement.
It really gets your pulse climbing.
It is eerie at times but very good.
The pace is fast, which is good.The title and pitch are also very drawing to the reader.
Will be back for more.
Super work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Laura A. D. wrote 869 days ago

Just wanted to say hi and let you know I still think you and the world of Nikolas you have created is nothing short of FANTASTIC! In fact, ... people need to hear about it!;)
Blessings and best wishes for the week and on,
Laura A. Diaz

Lacydeane wrote 885 days ago

A very creative and imaginitive story--you are certainly a very good writer and storyteller. Good job.

ses7 wrote 891 days ago

NIKOLAS AND COMPANY: A CREATURE MOST FOUL

I like how you put us right in the middle of the action at the start of chapter 1. I’m practically gripping my chair as the stagecoach whips around these corners, and I’m intrigued to find out what this monster is that’s chasing them—and where they’re going for that matter.

I like the guy with the fishtail, and all of the strange little creatures you introduce us to. This is very imaginative prose, and I think you have a strong writing and storytelling style that will appeal well to your target audience.

If I may make a couple of suggestions:
*I like the fast pace of your prose, but I think after the horse race down the mountain I felt out of breath. It might be nice to slow the prose down just a little with some more thoughts or feelings that are going through your main character’s head.
*I think your opening two lines would really nail it if you just left out the line about how your MC was cursing after the manner of his mother. I don’t think we necessarily need to be told this—it’s kind of a given—and then you can cover your character, the mood, and the urgency of their journey within the first two sentences without slowing us down to think about whether he’s cursing or not (considering how fast the prose moves after that). Just a thought.

This is excellent writing. I’m intrigued to see what happens next. Great job!

Sarah E.S.
Destiny of Species

AunaJune wrote 928 days ago

Your opening is amusing, I like it. The slipping on the cliff and almost going over is a great hook. Your dialogue is great and the pacing flows well. The descriptions are great, they pull the reader into the story well and really create the scene you are working towards. I think this has some great potential in the publishing world. I wish you the best of luck on reaching the Editor's Desk.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

Christian Rogue wrote 940 days ago

Creative and scifi are two things I definitely like. The draw in the first chapter for me was the fact that it was set in Peru and involved archaeology. I have no idea what the connection is to chapter 2, but I hope in the course of the next several chapters we find out. Things to note in chapter one is that the last bit is a bit confusing. I wasn't sure what was going on, but it might be because I'm not used to the sub-genre steampunk. I like the flare of it though, the push on the fringes of my imagination. Also near the end, it talks about a "tinny" voice, did you mean tiny? Also, how can one tap the inside of their ear drum? I'm not sure what you meant here, but I think the inside of their ear would suffice unless there is just something I'm not visualizing here.

Chapter 2 was a completely new spin, which is fine with me as you set the stage for Nick, the main character. I like him so far which is a great start. His response to Rocky was an excellent way to introduce him. It displays his fourteen year old impulsiveness and impatience mixed with his desire to stand up for his family. I didn't notice anything that needed correcting grammatically, but I'm not much of an editor. The story is snappy, concise, and flows well. I didn't have very much trouble following it.

-Christian Rogue (Beastia)

kevinonpaper wrote 959 days ago

That's great Katherine! First couple of chapters are meant to bait you, while keeping you off kilter a bit. But the answers will come soon enough ;).

Hi Kevin, I was impressed with your technique in presenting the story. Although you moved quickiy from times to Colorado, you effectively kept the story going with the Peruvian and with the brisk and descriptive narrative. That caught me into reading along with the archeology. Although I was unsure of the connections in Chapter 2, I felt sure of your storytelling. Shelved (when I'm on my main computer) - Katherine

klouholmes wrote 959 days ago

Hi Kevin, I was impressed with your technique in presenting the story. Although you moved quickiy from times to Colorado, you effectively kept the story going with the Peruvian and with the brisk and descriptive narrative. That caught me into reading along with the archeology. Although I was unsure of the connections in Chapter 2, I felt sure of your storytelling. Shelved (when I'm on my main computer) - Katherine

kevinonpaper wrote 983 days ago

I can understand that. My main character is a simple boy. He's easily overwhelmed and wishes life could just be normal. But his ensemble of friends are anything but that. So in the first 50 pages we see the chaos his life has been put into.

Kevin can write, but I couldn't follow the story. Maybe that's my fault.

wordgopher wrote 983 days ago

Kevin can write, but I couldn't follow the story. Maybe that's my fault.

kevinonpaper wrote 985 days ago

Appreciate that Richard. :)

Entertaining story, interesting characters and great pace! I highly recommend this work for a very wide audience. Well done.

kevinonpaper wrote 985 days ago

Appreciate it Cariad. Do have to warn you that this is the most archeaological this gets. I like to say this book is Goonies meets adventure fantasy set in a mythological reimagination of our moon.

This is really good. Well written, intriguing story (anything with an archaelogical bent appeals to me) but there's more. I shall be reading all of it, and commenting again. have some stars for now.
Cariad.

kevinonpaper wrote 985 days ago

Thank you Write Away!

Good start. I like what I've read so far. Keep up the good work.
WA

Neville wrote 986 days ago

Hi Kevin, love the pitch and the beautiful cover.
The story sounds exciting. I will be taking a read of it shortly.
Would appreciate if you could do the same with mine.

Kind regards,

Neville. THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - THE TIME ZONE.

WriteAway wrote 987 days ago

Good start. I like what I've read so far. Keep up the good work.
WA

Cariad wrote 987 days ago

This is really good. Well written, intriguing story (anything with an archaelogical bent appeals to me) but there's more. I shall be reading all of it, and commenting again. have some stars for now.
Cariad.

Richard Allen wrote 991 days ago

Entertaining story, interesting characters and great pace! I highly recommend this work for a very wide audience. Well done.

Lockjaw Lipssealed wrote 997 days ago

Happy to have taken a look at this one!

Lockjaw

kevinonpaper wrote 999 days ago

Thanks Warrick! Yes, you're right in your assesment about Pratchett. It was not meant to be like him or any other author, though the influences will be obvious after awhile. Thanks for the note on the line. I'll take a look at it and see if it could be reworked.

Kevin,
I did indeed enjoy reading CH1. Does not quite have the feel of Pratchet, but never should. I like the tone of the piece and the concept sounds suitably confusing for a sci-fi fantasy comic story.
There was one small line that gave me difficulty, I'll see if I can find it now.......Ah yes, got it.
"The Peruvian heard his own machine gun breath." I guess you are saying that his breath was rasping, but it originally sounded to me like it was firing really quickly. It's a very small thing, and I struggl;ed to find anything of any significance.

This should do well
Warrick

Warrick Mayes wrote 999 days ago

Kevin,
I did indeed enjoy reading CH1. Does not quite have the feel of Pratchet, but never should. I like the tone of the piece and the concept sounds suitably confusing for a sci-fi fantasy comic story.
There was one small line that gave me difficulty, I'll see if I can find it now.......Ah yes, got it.
"The Peruvian heard his own machine gun breath." I guess you are saying that his breath was rasping, but it originally sounded to me like it was firing really quickly. It's a very small thing, and I struggl;ed to find anything of any significance.

This should do well
Warrick

Laura A. D. wrote 1000 days ago

This has a fantastic feel and pace to it! Thank you for inviting me to read it. You are most definitely a talented writer Kevin! :) Your imagination and ability to create a world from it amazes me! My book, though branches off into fantasy, is firmly rooted in reality. I certainly do not have your talent for world making! :)
Heavily starred and WL. I hope to move it up as soon as space comes available on my shelf.
Blessings and best wishes,
Laura A. Diaz
"They Call Me Blanca"

P.S. AWESOME cover work!:)

kevinonpaper wrote 1001 days ago

Hey. That's helpful! I feel leary about it too. People say that 9 and 10 year olds read this kind of book too, but I never really know. Thanks Zenup.

zenup wrote 1001 days ago

What fun! I agree with YA, not sure about the 'Children' category for this one. I could be wrong. Somehow I expected a Questing Beast in the mix, too. Backed.

1