Chapter one
FAITH AND INNER STRENGTH
Know that whatever we are in gifted in life, we are never given more than we can bear; all have an inner strength that is there just for that purpose. Each has been born for life’s adventures with all the ’tools’ we need to survive or as I would prefer to say to ‘live‘.
A majority of us are born into many various religions and are raised with varying teachings around the subject of living and dying. Unfortunately some of these teachings leave us with the impression that this is all there is; there is no going forward, whether from mistakes of life or even from death itself. So easy to be left feeling lost, abandoned, victimized, guilty and even more so we go to the extent of losing the joy of life and death.
Through my sharing this journey with you of loss, I hope to transfer my understanding of the process of loss and give you a lighter insight and breath of life to help you move on and continue living in joy.
During the funeral of my son a cousin had approached me to give her condolences; my son had been the third major loss in life. She held my hand to let me know how sorry she felt, these were her words “I am so sorry for you my love, let’s hope that this is the end now; God has punished you enough.” Thanks was all I could say, not able to comprehend those words.
Late that day as I sat and pondered that event I began to feel sadness for my cousin, you see she had lost a son also some fifteen years previously, it was her religion that had given her those understandings, then it became clear to me that her life until then had been full of unacceptance, grief and guilt. I had seen her for many years deteriorate in her health and had never connected the dots until that time.
Her life was always happy she was jovial always, it did change when she had her loss, there never seemed to be much joy left in her. Surviving not living, choosing a different reaction and experience, than had I. Her God was not mine,
What makes one take the best of the experience, choosing to continue to grow and expand and yet another to remain in the sadness and mire of grief and unhappiness? My first inkling of that there had to me more came after the death of my first Husband. My parents had driven me to the funeral home where he was laid. My stomach was churning, the fluttering heartbeat; feeling weak at the knees,
I walked up to the coffin, parents each side of me, never having made a habit of viewing dead bodies my mind was awash with all sorts of thoughts. There he lay, looking serene and peaceful, I reached out and touched his hand and wowed , I knew he was not there, yes his body was the same and he looked the same 33 years of age, it was a an empty shell. I shut down inside saying, “I’m done, let’s go.”
I could feel their surprise and confusion, yet I didn’t need to be there I knew that. Sorting through paperwork and seeing Robs handwriting I could not comprehend any of it. It didn’t make sense, how can anyone with so much ability and character be just ‘gone’? And so began my journey of enquiry finding myself.
For that era I was outside of any ‘normal’ thinking, was I weird, different, or just plain crazy? God was always in my life, whether it was through all the different Sunday schools that never seemed to give me any real answers or through the feeling of never being alone, being loved and protected, I prayed a lot, all be it then, to a God outside of myself. You know the one; I was taught that he was in heaven looking over me. Prayers were sometimes answered and sometimes not; well at least not noticeably.
When I first noticed it was during loss of Robert my first spouse and for those of you that have gone through this process understand the desperation and pain. During this particular time, it was this I was feeling full blown. I wanted to scream yet knowing that family members were asleep I tried to stifle my cries, twisting in the heart pain I silently called for help. Then it happened in an instant I felt a sudden peace , the tears ceased the pain left, I lay in a great warmth of love and peace, a sense of all is ok. Again I am left with my thoughts of how I could have gone into such a calm in an instant, just as a switch was flicked.
From this view I realized that a prayer is a feeling of the heart, not a mind full of need and wants. It is important that we surrender our pain and fears to the God we know and relate to; whether that be a being, an energy or creation itself, it matters not. What matters is that it is in everything and known by many names, what matters is our willingness and sincerity in the call for help
Chapter one
FAITH AND INNER STRENGTH
Know that whatever we are in gifted in life, we are never given more than we can bear; all have an inner strength that is there just for that purpose. Each has been born for life’s adventures with all the ’tools’ we need to survive or as I would prefer to say to ‘live‘.
A majority of us are born into many various religions and are raised with varying teachings around the subject of living and dying. Unfortunately some of these teachings leave us with the impression that this is all there is; there is no going forward, whether from mistakes of life or even from death itself. So easy to be left feeling lost, abandoned, victimized, guilty and even more so we go to the extent of losing the joy of life and death.
Through my sharing this journey with you of loss, I hope to transfer my understanding of the process of loss and give you a lighter insight and breath of life to help you move on and continue living in joy.
During the funeral of my son a cousin had approached me to give her condolences; my son had been the third major loss in life. She held my hand to let me know how sorry she felt, these were her words “I am so sorry for you my love, let’s hope that this is the end now; God has punished you enough.” Thanks was all I could say, not able to comprehend those words.
Late that day as I sat and pondered that event I began to feel sadness for my cousin, you see she had lost a son also some fifteen years previously, it was her religion that had given her those understandings, then it became clear to me that her life until then had been full of unacceptance, grief and guilt. I had seen her for many years deteriorate in her health and had never connected the dots until that time.
Her life was always happy she was jovial always, it did change when she had her loss, there never seemed to be much joy left in her. Surviving not living, choosing a different reaction and experience, than had I. Her God was not mine,
What makes one take the best of the experience, choosing to continue to grow and expand and yet another to remain in the sadness and mire of grief and unhappiness? My first inkling of that there had to me more came after the death of my first Husband. My parents had driven me to the funeral home where he was laid. My stomach was churning, the fluttering heartbeat; feeling weak at the knees,
I walked up to the coffin, parents each side of me, never having made a habit of viewing dead bodies my mind was awash with all sorts of thoughts. There he lay, looking serene and peaceful, I reached out and touched his hand and wowed , I knew he was not there, yes his body was the same and he looked the same 33 years of age, it was a an empty shell. I shut down inside saying, “I’m done, let’s go.”
I could feel their surprise and confusion, yet I didn’t need to be there I knew that. Sorting through paperwork and seeing Robs handwriting I could not comprehend any of it. It didn’t make sense, how can anyone with so much ability and character be just ‘gone’? And so began my journey of enquiry finding myself.
For that era I was outside of any ‘normal’ thinking, was I weird, different, or just plain crazy? God was always in my life, whether it was through all the different Sunday schools that never seemed to give me any real answers or through the feeling of never being alone, being loved and protected, I prayed a lot, all be it then, to a God outside of myself. You know the one; I was taught that he was in heaven looking over me. Prayers were sometimes answered and sometimes not; well at least not noticeably.
When I first noticed it was during loss of Robert my first spouse and for those of you that have gone through this process understand the desperation and pain. During this particular time, it was this I was feeling full blown. I wanted to scream yet knowing that family members were asleep I tried to stifle my cries, twisting in the heart pain I silently called for help. Then it happened in an instant I felt a sudden peace , the tears ceased the pain left, I lay in a great warmth of love and peace, a sense of all is ok. Again I am left with my thoughts of how I could have gone into such a calm in an instant, just as a switch was flicked.
From this view I realized that a prayer is a feeling of the heart, not a mind full of need and wants. It is important that we surrender our pain and fears to the God we know and relate to; whether that be a being, an energy or creation itself, it matters not. What matters is that it is in everything and known by many names, what matters is our willingness and sincerity in the call for help