Trippin'

COMLIT: Cool and humorous in equal amounts, Trippin’ sets out to amuse with descriptions of acid-fuelled mayhem, and set the pulse racing with violence. The anonymous main character shows a lot of warmth towards his friend, as well as being liable to hit a speeding car at any minute. There’s something quirky and endearing in the way he says things, eg, “Cool … forward ho.”

Ch1. There’s a good expectation that something strange is going to happen in the Texaco, and it does with the Wolfman. Our main man, the Tripper, doesn’t really expect these hallucinations to happen, and that’s the funny thing. But that's nothing to what’s coming up.

The cheese and pencil characters in the club are good, and the sense of time going AWOL is interesting. But real trouble is just around the corner with Tommy and the big boss. I really do like the ominous “you would come up missing”.

In Ch2, I like the way a familiar image, such as the pope kissing the tarmac, is made to look as odd as the pencil and cheese couple: “still frame of the old guy with the hat giving the pavement a passionate smooch”.

Anxiety sets in in Ch3, a “morose feeling”. I don’t know how Trippin’ maintains its lightness and humour, because the situation gets dark and edgy with the stabbing and the “lion”. I shared a real feeling of unease around the pool, and felt that something sensible had to be done about the package. People were losing their cool, and all the dependable mainstays that would get him out of trouble started disappearing. “I’m sure Evan has it or knows where it is” is probably the least convincing reassurance ever.

It’s a relief when they move on into Ch4, and there’s great comedy in his rehearsing what to say, and then failing by asking “Are you wearing dog or koala?” Finally, he’s rescued from the cop “boar” just in time.

In the bar in Ch5. His dancing seems slightly out-of-character. Is he enjoying himself that much? So far he doesn’t seem like a character who dances. When he makes his way to the small dance floor, it felt like I’d been there already. But the build up to Tommy lying in a “puddle of red” is brilliant. I never expected it. Dark and dramatic. The situation is breathtaking. Loads of friction between characters, and a dilemma. They need to go. They need to stay. I like the way this is handled. Drama done this well knocked the smile right off my face. “This acid trip had definitely taken a turn for the worse” is probably the understatement of the century.

Chapter 6, I learnt a little more about the MC. He’s done acid before and he’s learned anti-paranoia tricks. Even darker is the apparition of Tommy, blood-encrusted in the rear of a car. It might not be comedy, but it is very good. The return to their apartment is a nice surprise.

In Chapter 7 he adds a new rule about violence, but the new sensible tone and the safety of the apartment is shattered by a call from the boss, whose no-nonsense approach is quite amusing. Contrast this with the infuriating Blake who just doesn’t get the problem. The character of the Indian really gets strong here, and our main man starts to drop away like a spectator. I really enjoyed this passage a lot through the sense that the main character is now somehow in control, an observer, telling us what’s going on without suffering the earlier acid hallucinations all the time. I like the way Blake leaves them standing in the street with just tyre marks as evidence he was ever there at all. Blake really is a cackling monster, and it’s no hallucination. It is very funny, in the circumstances, that having no package is much, much more of a problem than having the cash. Again, nice understatement, “That certainly was a problem”.

Chapter 8, and it’s getting better and better. There’s a lot of friction and emotion flying about when the Indian moves towards Stefanie at the party, and it generates real interest in the outcome. “Apprehension”. The slap is brilliant.

In Ch9, the struggle to write down the meaning of life is good, and the way the uncomplaining Indian becomes someone reliable he can tread all over accidentally is really excellent. The warehouse is interesting. What is it? Who are Otis and son? Why are they there? When will the boss appear?

The 'less than fine dining establishment' in ch11 and the return of Blake, the miracle of Tommy (explains his previous reappearance in 6), a twist, the fake stabbing. It all really held my attention. I'm going to read on.

Ch12 the journey to see Chopper, and thoughts about existence. Fear and loathing. I heard that somewhere before. Sounds like a good book title.

Ch13 The terrifying twister hallucination in the trailer. I can’t believe they’re going out after the fieldshrooms after the warnings about old man Jenkins, but then this is the thrill of it. The fields and the manure and the feeling they’re going to get shot in Ch 14 is very well done.

The worst hallucination yet occurs in 15.

Overall. What a ride. Amusing and frightening. Some very, very effective moments. Way above average writing. It gripped me and I wanted to read on. I like the main character. I like the Indian. Well done.

Shain,

As someone who dabbled in many a recreational drug in my younger years, I found your first chapter to be a real hoot. People turning into things such as pencils and melted cheese will strike a chord with anyone who's tripped on LSD, and I thought you described it all very comically.

Anyway, before I turn into an oil refinery before your very eyes, there was just one grammatical issue I found: In the very first sentence you use 'toward' and 'towards' - I'd use one of them exclusively and frogmarch the other out of the door. Also, my personal view is that the opening sentence would sound better as "The night rushed toward (the) dawn like a (small) child toward chocolate." I'd say the sentence would be snappier if the bracketted words were omitted.

An extremely fun read; I'll watchlist it and see if I can delve into it a little deeper. Many stars for making me laugh - a rare event.

Cheers,
Pete

Hi Shain,

This is a great read. Very reminiscent of Fear And Loathing. And like that book, it captivated me completely, I kept wanting to continue reading. And I still do now!
In the final chapter have they come down off the acid? It's not mentioned, but the descriptions have changed, everything being perceptibly realistic. So that made me wonder if they had.

Looking forward to reading some more whether it's on here or on paper!
Rated it highly, and plan to back it when I get some space!

Good luck,
Adam

This main character isn’t just trippin’ – he’s trippin’ hard! Altohugh, I will say he has quite the visual imagination. It’s weird that he keeps referring to his ‘Indian’ friend by various completely unrelated tribes - does he not know what he is, or is he just too high to remember? Oh well, now that one of their friends has been shot, I wonder where that will lead . . .

This is funny stuff! Great job with the voices. You pay careful attention to details, and it pays off. The little bits of description, whether it be what they're looking at or what trouble they're getting into, really enrich the visuals.Well done!
And if you think you'd like a middle-grade, tongue-in-cheek adventure novel, (warning: nothing stronger than mead is imbibed) please do come visit The Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

We are on a trip of mayhem and laughter! Your writing floated and so did your characters! Poor guy had a bad night with attacking fire flies and fish. And that werewolf moment was a classic! I would say your characters would fit right in with Cheech and Chong! I will definitely return for more.
High ratings for these high guys!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

well written, great style and narrative and dialogue helps your book do its job.
backed.
read SEASONS...

Wow, this is enjoyable. I'm a bit of a psychonaut myself, and while I feel that your narrative has that strung-out tone to it, your descriptions of LSD were pretty far from anything I've ever been on (I'd liken the trip you described to something more like Salvia or high doses of mushrooms). Still, I couldn't put this down. A little bit cliche, and a bit too close to "fear and loathing" I found in the first chapter, but one of the most fun books I've read on here. Backed and highly-starred.

-L.S. Davern, "Stains"

Take a read, pass it on ;-)

Iggle

like hitchhikers guide to the galaxy...
j

Referee 1
Winner: Trippin
Comment:
Review for 'Trippin'

The first chapter tells an amusing story of two stoners and their drug-induced capers. The incidents within the nightclub after they'd both dropped acid sounded pretty authentic, and there were some good hallucinated descriptive moments of various clientele. I thought the narrative was handled pretty well, and there were plenty of good quality laughter instances.

From the comedy point of view, 'Trippin' is an easy winner for me.

Hey there, I'm just after reading the first chapter and I read a number of the comments below. I found this story hard to get into at first, the different writing style was interesting, I think you have a good grasp of situational descriptions. It's very easy to visualise the scenarios that you're creating. However, with that said, I found that there was a lot lacking in the character development. I only had their actions to relate to, and even then, their trip is different to anything I've ever experienced.

You also use slang terms such as 'bud' and 'joints', and whilst I understood most of what you were saying, to a person like myself from Europe, it can be sometimes difficult to grasp what you're talking about. Also, that's applicable to the 58 degrees that you mentioned. I automatically thought of celsius and came to the conclusion that they were 'very' stoned.

I felt that there could be more flow to the conversations, towards the end of the chapter it got a lot better, but at the beginning I felt as though the characters were just making statements as opposed to talking to each other. These are just a few points that I thought of. I'm sorry for not reading more chapters, as I'm sure it's a gripping story for some. I'm afraid that it just didn't pull me in.

Khance

COMLIT: Cool and humorous in equal amounts, Trippin’ sets out to amuse with descriptions of acid-fuelled mayhem, and set the pulse racing with violence. The anonymous main character shows a lot of warmth towards his friend, as well as being liable to hit a speeding car at any minute. There’s something quirky and endearing in the way he says things, eg, “Cool … forward ho.”

Ch1. There’s a good expectation that something strange is going to happen in the Texaco, and it does with the Wolfman. Our main man, the Tripper, doesn’t really expect these hallucinations to happen, and that’s the funny thing. But that's nothing to what’s coming up.

The cheese and pencil characters in the club are good, and the sense of time going AWOL is interesting. But real trouble is just around the corner with Tommy and the big boss. I really do like the ominous “you would come up missing”.

In Ch2, I like the way a familiar image, such as the pope kissing the tarmac, is made to look as odd as the pencil and cheese couple: “still frame of the old guy with the hat giving the pavement a passionate smooch”.

Anxiety sets in in Ch3, a “morose feeling”. I don’t know how Trippin’ maintains its lightness and humour, because the situation gets dark and edgy with the stabbing and the “lion”. I shared a real feeling of unease around the pool, and felt that something sensible had to be done about the package. People were losing their cool, and all the dependable mainstays that would get him out of trouble started disappearing. “I’m sure Evan has it or knows where it is” is probably the least convincing reassurance ever.

It’s a relief when they move on into Ch4, and there’s great comedy in his rehearsing what to say, and then failing by asking “Are you wearing dog or koala?” Finally, he’s rescued from the cop “boar” just in time.

In the bar in Ch5. His dancing seems slightly out-of-character. Is he enjoying himself that much? So far he doesn’t seem like a character who dances. When he makes his way to the small dance floor, it felt like I’d been there already. But the build up to Tommy lying in a “puddle of red” is brilliant. I never expected it. Dark and dramatic. The situation is breathtaking. Loads of friction between characters, and a dilemma. They need to go. They need to stay. I like the way this is handled. Drama done this well knocked the smile right off my face. “This acid trip had definitely taken a turn for the worse” is probably the understatement of the century.

Chapter 6, I learnt a little more about the MC. He’s done acid before and he’s learned anti-paranoia tricks. Even darker is the apparition of Tommy, blood-encrusted in the rear of a car. It might not be comedy, but it is very good. The return to their apartment is a nice surprise.

In Chapter 7 he adds a new rule about violence, but the new sensible tone and the safety of the apartment is shattered by a call from the boss, whose no-nonsense approach is quite amusing. Contrast this with the infuriating Blake who just doesn’t get the problem. The character of the Indian really gets strong here, and our main man starts to drop away like a spectator. I really enjoyed this passage a lot through the sense that the main character is now somehow in control, an observer, telling us what’s going on without suffering the earlier acid hallucinations all the time. I like the way Blake leaves them standing in the street with just tyre marks as evidence he was ever there at all. Blake really is a cackling monster, and it’s no hallucination. It is very funny, in the circumstances, that having no package is much, much more of a problem than having the cash. Again, nice understatement, “That certainly was a problem”.

Chapter 8, and it’s getting better and better. There’s a lot of friction and emotion flying about when the Indian moves towards Stefanie at the party, and it generates real interest in the outcome. “Apprehension”. The slap is brilliant.

In Ch9, the struggle to write down the meaning of life is good, and the way the uncomplaining Indian becomes someone reliable he can tread all over accidentally is really excellent. The warehouse is interesting. What is it? Who are Otis and son? Why are they there? When will the boss appear?

The 'less than fine dining establishment' in ch11 and the return of Blake, the miracle of Tommy (explains his previous reappearance in 6), a twist, the fake stabbing. It all really held my attention. I'm going to read on.

Ch12 the journey to see Chopper, and thoughts about existence. Fear and loathing. I heard that somewhere before. Sounds like a good book title.

Ch13 The terrifying twister hallucination in the trailer. I can’t believe they’re going out after the fieldshrooms after the warnings about old man Jenkins, but then this is the thrill of it. The fields and the manure and the feeling they’re going to get shot in Ch 14 is very well done.

The worst hallucination yet occurs in 15.

Overall. What a ride. Amusing and frightening. Some very, very effective moments. Way above average writing. It gripped me and I wanted to read on. I like the main character. I like the Indian. Well done.

Good style, fun, interesting. I really like Fear and Loathing and I guess this is similar. I think you could improve the flow, though. The thing about F&L is it flows so easily. Your narrative is good, but I think the flow could be improved.

Some of the long run-on sentences don't work for me ('We pulled away into the Texas..'). I know it's a beat technique, but I found it a little jarring.

All in all, it's a good opener and a little different. Definitely enjoyable.

I've just finished the fifteen chapters you have up. I never had a trip like this one! It was a pretty easy and amusing read. I have one or two things that I'll message you privately about, if you'd like.

I've read the first couple of chapters and, as has been said before, there's a hint of Fear and Loathing with a dash of Cheech and Chong, which is no bad thing by any means.
My only real critical point would be that after necking the acid your characters seem to come up straight away. No feeling a bit unusual, or lapsing in and out of it first. I suppose they were high already but to be full on hallucinating in the time it takes to cross the street... Or maybe your drugs are just better in the States?
Well starred for making me chuckle and remember some of my misspent youth, hope you get chance to read my own drug fuelled fantasy at some point.
Best wishes,
James

Trippin'
by
Shain Knowles

The HBD Review:

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Nothing lost here. (But is a mind a "thing?" HBD must postpone philosophy to issue the following warning Comedy? We hear even the chipped laughter of Beavis and Butthead fading quickly once this hit is taken. Heh. One will have to be sipping cocktails and smoking crack while on Vicadan if they're going to keep laughing at this Texas Pain-Saw Ass-acher. Take a wholesome family concept like Pulp Fiction and mix it with a guide-to-life epic such as Hey Dude! Where's My Car? - then add the confusion of Cheech and Chong divided by the unlikely coincidences of Superbad minus the wit and charm of any of those and you begin to get the feeling generated by this doper's dredge. This pipeload is scraped from the bottom of the bong, baby. I like my Mary Jane as much as the next liberal arts major but this fiasco was composed on rolling papers. Light some incense before curling up with your Kindle for this leftover roach of a plotline. When your main goal seems to be to out-Quentin Tarintino, over-the-top becomes par for the course quickly. Why is this not under Harper Autobiography? Oh that's right, mom might be reading. She is going to be so pissed off when she discovers that Shain hasn't attended class for two semesters and all that money went to "research" this book! But hey man, when they make the movie the magic beanstalk will grow up into the clouds and that golden egg is huge man...wow...hey pass that over here...

Like, HBD man

Kind of reminds me of a Cheeks and Chong's movie. Sounds titled about the same too. And the opening almost sounds like the opening to one of their movies. It lookings like it is an interesting book.

Shain,

Great read. I particularly love "It's ok, she isn't a pencil." Interesting (not that getting High would make things interesting, or anything), good plot turns and a realistic look at ourselves.
Can't wait to read more.

Good Luck
Shawn

Shain,

As someone who dabbled in many a recreational drug in my younger years, I found your first chapter to be a real hoot. People turning into things such as pencils and melted cheese will strike a chord with anyone who's tripped on LSD, and I thought you described it all very comically.

Anyway, before I turn into an oil refinery before your very eyes, there was just one grammatical issue I found: In the very first sentence you use 'toward' and 'towards' - I'd use one of them exclusively and frogmarch the other out of the door. Also, my personal view is that the opening sentence would sound better as "The night rushed toward (the) dawn like a (small) child toward chocolate." I'd say the sentence would be snappier if the bracketted words were omitted.

An extremely fun read; I'll watchlist it and see if I can delve into it a little deeper. Many stars for making me laugh - a rare event.

Cheers,
Pete

ComLit review

I found this an enjoyable, if slightly disturbing, read. The sheer, stoned hopelessness of the MC gradually becomes kind of charming; I found his sleepwalking his way through his rather wasted life quite endearing. Not too many laughs, although there is humour in the richness and variety of his hallucinations. And there’s enough of a plot to keep one reading on.

I will send the few typos I found separately in a message. I couldn’t think of any more meaty suggestions, I’m afraid.

I must admit I wasn’t expecting to like this, but I did. So, good luck with it.

Hello , a very effective representation of the galloping paranoia associated with an LSD trip - it doesn't exactly have you aching with nostalgia , but I am sure that is not the point . Very well done . Watchlisted and starred . Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel ' A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon

Hi Shain,

This is a great read. Very reminiscent of Fear And Loathing. And like that book, it captivated me completely, I kept wanting to continue reading. And I still do now!
In the final chapter have they come down off the acid? It's not mentioned, but the descriptions have changed, everything being perceptibly realistic. So that made me wonder if they had.

Looking forward to reading some more whether it's on here or on paper!
Rated it highly, and plan to back it when I get some space!

Good luck,
Adam

I like the style. James Elroy meets 'Pulp Fiction'. Interesting mix. Could you give us a better image of their friend, Tommy, bleeding out on the toilet floor? After all, it's the night-altering, defining moment of the story so far. It could give the reader a better flavour of just how deep in the crap these stone-heads are. On my shelf. Starred and all.
Rgds
Jim

Thank you Enos for the critique it means a lot.

Shain, I’ve put together a Quantitative Critique Score Sheet to respond to your story from a contest perspective. I hope you find this informative and helpful. (Max 10x10 pts)

Title: [Trippin’]
Author: [Shain Knowles]

Wow Factor (Read Speed/Enjoyment)
[10] Speed (Easy/Fast)
[09] Enjoyment
[10] Interest (very good and funny scenes)

Literacy (Editing/Proofing/Structure)
[10] Free of (obvious) Spelling Errors (easy fix)
[10] Free of (obvious) Contextual Grammar Errors (easy edit)
[10] Free of Distracting Dialog

Story
[09] Coherent / Order (some minor sentence construction concerns)
[10] Character/Subject Development

Marketing
[10] Cover Design
[09] Pitch (short, sweet, and on point – a grab)

TOTAL
[97/100]

Comments: Yes, I really I enjoyed the story and recommend it even if it might not seem to be within your genre. Truly funny.

E L Russell

Shain, I’ve put together a Quantitative Critique Score Sheet to respond to your story from a contest perspective. I hope you find this informative and helpful. (Max 10x10 pts)

Title: [Trippin’]
Author: [Shain Knowles]

Wow Factor (Read Speed/Enjoyment)
[10] Speed (Easy/Fast)
[09] Enjoyment
[10] Interest (very good and funny scenes)

Literacy (Editing/Proofing/Structure)
[10] Free of (obvious) Spelling Errors (easy fix)
[10] Free of (obvious) Contextual Grammar Errors (easy edit)
[10] Free of Distracting Dialog

Story
[09] Coherent / Order (some minor sentence construction concerns)
[10] Character/Subject Development

Marketing
[10] Cover Design
[09] Pitch (short, sweet, and on point – a grab)

TOTAL
[97/100]

Comments: Yes, I really I enjoyed the story and recommend it even if it might not seem to be within your genre. Truly funny.

E L Russell

I really like the subject matter and tone. I feel some sentences here and there could be tightened up. One I can see as I write this is: "It had all started because Evan had smoked her last cigarette causing her to lose her temper. Upset by his transgression, she had thrown a kitchen knife four inches deep into his arm" - I feel this could easily be "Upset that he had smoked her last cigarette, she had buried a kitchen knife four inches into Evan's arm."

I realise you may wholly disagree with this, I just felt one or two lines here and there were a bit unwieldy, though this may just be personal preference

Dear Shain

I have perused the first three chapters of "Trippin" which is an eye-opening read.

This book is a well constructed and rather entertaining glimpse into the lives of a certain type of young man who has nothing better to do than get high. That I can read three chapters in one sitting, understand every word and not find myself put off by the subject matter is entirely due to your skill with words. Your narrative flows easily and there is only the occasional typo which, to be honest, hardly registers.

I amazed that any of these dudes lives past the age of thirty - I mean, how many different drugs can a body cram in, in three hours? - but your light, realistic touch is exceptional. I am not sure that I enjoy the endless, pointed references to our native American Indian friend, but that shows a very typical, warped humour and realism, I guess.

Very well done.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Just finished the first three chapters and I'm hooked. Hilarious! The prose style suits the manic nature of the main characters. Plus, kudos on the Layne Staley name drop :)