Book Jacket

 

rank 5908
word count 14053
date submitted 24.11.2011
date updated 27.11.2011
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Horror
classification: universal
incomplete

Jill and Jack

Bob D'Costa

Defies and overshadows the normal definition of siblings’ relationship and jumps to a bizarre world of visions, spirits, love, strange rituals, and shocking revelation.

 

It is the middle of a silent night when an unexplained force makes Jack write about Jill (though he has neither seen nor heard about her), her mysterious behaviour, her vision of ghosts and the eerie atmosphere in the house she resides; and the stone she picks up from the road and the beer mug she buys from a crockery store both of which possess life.
Why does the vision of a little kidnapped girl appear? Why does the aged lady in the abandoned house have white iris? And why does the sudden scar which appears on her face simultaneously does so on Jill’s face also? These are questions whose answers are hard to find.
The stage is set for Jill and Jack to meet in strange circumstances and unravel their identity, and invisible children giggling in his house, and similar sperm-cell birth marks and strange rituals and a strange priest.

The book is complete: 58,840 words

 
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tags

bizarre, mysterious, shocking revelation, sperm-cell birthmarks, spirits, strange rituals, visions

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1 comments

 

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Warrick Mayes wrote 875 days ago

Bob,

I loved the opening of the prologue, it felt like a poem, and was very rhythmical.

The street lamps "each stand on one leg" rather than "stand on one legs".

Found a couple of things. Your sentence that begins "He is walking on the pavement....." is about four lines long and has no punctuation. Please help!

I don't think that you need to tell us that we will find out more about Jack's life later, just let the story unfold and continue with how he writes about Jill.

On the whole, this is a very curious and interesting piece of writing. It has a number of flaws, and I think it could be pulled together into something very good. At points you lead the reader too much, telling hime what is coming next or later, and then the story jumps from reality to dream to jack's writing, and gets really very confusing.

I think that this could be very good, but at the moment it feels more like a collection of ideas rather than a story. I think you need to build more structure.

Very best of luck, it has plenty of promise.
Warrick

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