Miss Manners

This was funny, exciting, fresh, new, and a pleasure to read! Your voice is perfect--easy to get to know and sympathize with. I couldn't put it down. Now I know why people have been talking about Miss Manners so much!
Noelle

This is fast-paced, fresh, perky, funny and faultlessly written. It reads like a published book.

Excellent work. Good luck with it.

Juli (Trusting Claude)

Only four chapters! That's cruel. I'm sitting here as happy as a kid with mom's makeup case. I'm loving it all! You've got a winner! When you get published, tell me! I mean it! I'll be loyal fan, I promise. ;D I love the joy and comedy and lightheartedness of the whole story, and the chumminess and daydreaming. Girls will rave for this book, I guarantee you. And the Pinkie assault! "Bunny Simpkins just attacked Pinkie Mortimer." Oh man, I had to burst out laughing!
I did notice a couple nit-picks, but considering there was only two, I say that's pretty good. If you want to know, I'll message you!
Six stars, and a backing when I can! Keep up the awesome work! Oh, will you be going with "Iman Sid" when you publish? If so, I'll have to memorize it.

--Shieldmaiden

Have read all uploaded chapters (and hope you’re uploading more!) Some witty stylish writing here, I thought the obituary was pretty funny! (and sad, of course). And I related to her reaction to being called Madam. I’m 35 and still if someone calls me Madam or I tell them off! Really great storyline. Pinky sounds like a total cow from her diary excerpts. I didn’t see any typos or anything. Perfect chick-lit!
Six stars
Tammy Robinson

I absolutely adore this book, it's so hilarious! I'm not a massive fan of chick-lit and even less a fan of books written in 1st person but Miss Manners has definitely changed my views. Anna is a brilliant MC and I think alot of women could relate to her. The debacle that happens between her Pinkie is so relevant to the socialite culture we see splashed all over the papers today. You introduce humour so well that at times, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from laughing out loud like an idiot. Your writing seems effortless and I was so engrossed, I didn't notice a single mistake.
I know its been mentioned in other comments but the 'squashed plasticine' line was the best I've ever read. Seriously I almost cried with laughter!
I'm definitely backing you, this book NEEDS to be on shelves in stores everywhere. One of the best I've read on authonomy so far. PLEASE POST MORE!!!
Good luck :)
Yasmin
- Guileless

Loved your opening chapter.
You have a confident style, direct and a good pace.
I will be back to read more and give you feedback.

---------

Love this! A great read so far and I can't wait to finish it :) You have an incredible collection of characters that are all very interesting and really draw in the reader. Great job!

Jenny
After September's War

I have read the first five chapters of Miss Manners and can't wait to read more! I'm not normally a fan of chick lit, but this book is laugh out loud funny, fast-paced and hits the nail on the head! As well as being an entertaining comedy, it is also a biting satire of 21st century celebrity-worshipping culture. It's a bit reminiscent of Bridget Jones at times, but the heroine has her own, original voice which is easy to empathise with. She really struck a chord with me.
Just a couple of suggestions - in chapter 4 the use of the word "ideology" to describe a lit-up mirror was not quite correct. And Ziggy Stardust was a 1970s icon, not 80s.
In chapter 5 - instead of saying "I was a real people-watcher", just describe what she saw, i.e. show, don't tell.
But I can't find much to fault with it. Keep up the good work, Iman, and good luck with getting it published! It's a much better read than a lot of the chick lit published nowadays.

Wow! So sorry that I joined Authonomy too late for Miss Manner's heyday! I've just started the book and it is hilarious; although I have to say your bio is pretty entertaining too! I hope you've had your book launch, and that I'll be able to find your work available on Amazon. I hope you'll continue to post your successes as you are definitely someone to watch. Fabulous and fun story!

I liked what I read after chapter 2, for me I felt even though chapter 1 was short it could have been shorter. I didn’t need to know so much detail of these strangers your character meet in traffic and in the tube.

I really liked your description of William Weisman. I can already tell, he’ll be someone that’ll display until the later chapters of your book. I can see him testing the protagonist and her finally putting her foot down.

I don’t get why you say your phone bleats. Bleats are quaint sounds of a barn whereas the main character’s phone is an interruption in her already hectic day. Also describing Pinky’s eyes as a pair of bum holes, though humorous could have been done another way. It comes off as angry and small and I think your main character is on the bottom of the pyramid and angry, is she small?

The scene where Pinky makes the main character do her bunny dance is realistic. I could easily see that happening and I instantly sided with the main character. There are people like Pinky who provoke then act like the victim. You really hit the nail on the head! This was a golden scene and I would have been satisfied for two or three paragraphs. It just seemed that out of nowhere the main character grabbed Pinky’s diary. I want to read about her being sneaky. She spotted the diary, why didn’t she hesitate? Should I shouldn’t I? I’m fired? God, if I take this will something else happen? Etc Stuff someone would say if they were stealing.

You should state who said what. For example “No, no, no. You didn’t wiggle your tail do it again.” said Pinky. Maybe you overlooked added said, replied etc but it helps readers. I love you don’t spoon fed the reader.

A few questions:
Are there any teenagers named Lloyd?
Is Harrolds to be Harrods?

P.S. It’d be great if you gave your impressions on my writing

Oh my goodness, this really is a great story. Normally I would offer to finish reading and give you a full five page review if you backed me, but there's so little up of this book that the offer seems invalid.

In any case it's high time I did the trade read I said I would do with you, please return the read when you get the chance.

Your characters are endearing and your situations are funny, and despite being ridiculous I quiet believe they could happen. It's also good to note your characters have appropriate accents but they aren't so thick those outside of Britain will be lost.

You set up quickly what the problems of your main character are and we begin to see how they can possibly be solved. You jump right into the action (in this case humor) and you keep it going.

If I were to critique something I might say the girls seem shallow, but then again this is a comedy and doesn't touch on anything deep in the first place so far. I might think on that a little. Really though I can't find any major flaws and I can see why you're on the desk.

Please read me and back or put me on a watch list.

this is an awesome read well done author

very enjoyable read. enjoyed very much, love the beginning of the last chapter. :-)

very enjoyable read. enjoyed very much, love the beginning of the last chapter. :-)

Good job! Interesting read--very realistic and funny!

Thank you for sharing your story!

Alexandra Mahanaim
Shoshanna The Battle Series: Encountering Supernatural, Captivity, and Return to Eternity

Hi Iman,

Congratulations on making it to the Editor's Desk. Best of luck with everything.

Aisling

Congratulations.

So glad to see you made the ED! congrats! It will be most interesting to see what they have to say!

I enjoyed your writing, very accessible, very humorous. Well done and best of luck with the future. I can imagine plenty of people eating up your book.

I can see why you're no. 1!
This is a very witty number. It's not often I laugh aloud while reading, but I did, repeatedly.
I don't need to wish you luck - you've already got There - but I do wish you joy of your success. Well done.

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

I'm back with another chapter read! Hope you'll take another look soon at "Tamria"

James
"Tamria"
http://authonomy.com/books/42617/tamria-book-one/

***


CHAPTER 3

“on the underground” – silly nit-pick I know, but I’ve always seen the London Underground with a capital letter –> “on the Underground”

“There was a slight pause.” – your main character is the one making the pause so this doesn’t uite feel right. –> “I hesitated.”

Who says: “’Who know what I say? Karma.’” Not clear – until you read the next line, and see it belongs to the narrator character. –> “’Well, you know hat I say?’ Tara said. ‘Karma.’”

“assured Tara” – this could go. Just have the unbroken dialogue.

You use the word “suddenly” four times in this chapter. I honestly don’t think you need all of them.

“Apparently, as Pinkie went to pick up her diary to leave the store and upon discovering it had vanished” – reads clumsy. This feels a bit smoother. –> “Apparently, when Pinkie went to leave the store and discovered her diary had vanished, she threw a hissy fit in front of everyone.”

“She, then, asked her minions to calm her down by making dolphin noises.” – the two commas are completely unnecessary. I think this sentence would have more comedic impact if it started with “Then.” –> “Apparently, when Pinkie went to leave the store and discovered her diary had vanished, she threw a hissy fit in front of everyone. Then she asked her minions to calm her down by making dolphin noises.”

“Felicity entered with a winning smile on her face.” – I think “on her face” is unnecessary and the sentence would be so much stronger without it. –> “Felicity entered with a winning smile.” Isn’t that better?

“which meant both myself and Tara each had to pay £300 per month”
1, £300/month in London? That’s what I call a bargain! Even for a house share. I think £400 is more realistic…
2, “Tara and me” not “myself and Tara”
3, “both” and “each” don’t belong in the same sentence.
> “which meant Tara and me both had to pay £300 each month.”

How do eyes turn “beadily” ? I know the expression “beady eyes,” but have never heard of eyes “turning beadily”.

Felicity does a lot of “squealing”. In fact, the verb “squeal” is used three times in this chapter. Alternative words are “erupted,” “cried,” “exclaimed” – just a start.

I bet somebody on this website has already taken that e-mail address: Bentley@couturemagazine.com. Or if they haven’t, let’s wait and see how long it takes until someone does…

“’When’s the deadline?’ asked Tara.” – you don’t always have to have “asked” when a character has a question. You have nine “asked”s in this chapter! Just have “said” now and then instead. Alternative verbs are “queried” and “inquired”.

“’But what do I write about?’ I asked.” – since this is a question directed as much at herself as at the others - and since you’ve used “asked” so many times – maybe have “wondered” instead.

“Applicants must be female aged between 18 and 30 years old” – in a proper advertisement I wouldn’t expect to see the word “old” – just “between 18 and 30 years”, or even “between 18 and 30”. Oh! And once a woman’s past 30 she’s over the hill, is she???

“Firstly… Secondly…” – as I’ve said before, there’s no reason for these not to be “First” and “Second”. It just reads better, imo.

“Secondly, what makes me so sure I’ll be…” – you’re moving into present tense here; everything else is past. –> “Secondly, how could I be so sure I’d be selected…”

“’Anna, it’s £2,500!’” – incorrect usage of numbers in dialogue. Nobody speaks in numericals. –> “’Anna, it’s two and a half grand!’@

Like “pondered like a ponderer”

“’1 May’’ – this is dialogue. Should be “’First of May’.” Or “’May the first.’” Have you ever heard anyone say: “One May” ? That’s how this reads.

Tara works at a place called “The Barfly”, which sounds like a jazz restaurant. A barista is a trained coffee-maker – is this place a coffee-bar? Or did you get it confused with bartender?

Good chapter ending.

Miss Manners - Iman Sid
I've read half of your very believable story about a month ago and now made the time to finish it and I must say, I wasn't disappointed. There is not much to add except that Miss Manners is the kind of book which I wouldn't stress and worry about, should my teenage daughters have wanted to read it. Wholesome and really funny. A lovely book to curl up with on a rainy Saturday afternoon or to read on the way home from work.
Six stars and well deserved!
All the best further ahead.
Maretha/African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

I must say, I expected myself to read the first chapter, and just possibly the second (only because it's early in the morning for me), but I read all five chapters and wanted to continue reading. I would say this book is hard to put down, but since it's online, I guess it would be, this book is hard to "x" out of. The description is impeccable, leaving nothing to the imagination. I love the voice, and the humour is refreshing. The characters are well developed and believable, and I'm already taking a disliking towards Pinky. Let me know if this gets published, because I would definitely like to continue reading and support a well-written book. Congratulations on making it into the top five. Miss Manners deserves to be there.
- Jaime

Hi Iman,

All I can say is your book has left me with a smile on my face. Enjoyed it - funny, quick witted, and fast paced. Good luck.

Ghosty

Absolutely, hysterically perfect. That is all.

Commit review.

Not sure that there is much I can say. I was quite interested to read this admit is currently the number one book on the site. I was pleasantly surprised. First off, I'm ruggedly handsome, chiseled, manly, hunky and not in any way a compulsive liar. This means tha this type of chick lit isn't something I'd pick up in water stones. That said, I did keep reading, and kept reading, much further than I have many other titles on here. This was zippy, amusing, and had a number of lines that may me smile to myself. It is very good and I can see it in the hands of many commuters on the northern line. I thought that perhaps the beginning was a little too long and a tad over described in getting to Harrods, but this is quite a minor thing overall.

Very impressive,mi hope the rest has the same levels of humour and that it retains its snap. Good stuff. Lots of shinies and i consider it funny enough to be added to my comedy shelf for the elite. Or I will do when I get onto a real computer...

Brilliant! Is it okay to hate Pinkie so much already? This really is comedy at it's best and I would love to read more from you.

This is a very believable depiction of what probably goes through most people's minds! It takes you into the atmosphere you've created and makes the reader really feel as if they're there. Well written and I like the title.
Katie Ridley, 'The Last Message'. x

Wow! This is awesome! I will back your book so you can keep it on the ED! And thanks for watchlisting ANYTHING BUT SERENITY. I hope you will enjoy it!

Quirky and fun. Well worth the Number 1 spot! Looking forward to reading an excellent HC review,
Hester

I enjoyed this very much. You have a likable way of telling this story. Good luck and best wishes

Thank you for such a wonderful read. I enjoy your style and wish more peaple on here shared that. Good luck and have a great day

Thank you for such a wonderful read. I enjoy your style and wish more peaple on here shared that. Good luck and have a great day

I'm having to split this comment into two pieces because that's the only way I can post it. Otherwise I get an error message. The first half is below.

"Why don’t you go and suck on a lemon, sour face? I thought to myself. But, instead, actually ended up saying…” – I think you could lose “I thought to myself”. Have the thought bubble flow directly into the dialogue. –> “Why don’t you go and suck on a lemon, sour face? What I actually said was: ‘Sorry, Bill.’”

“It seemed she had little or no time to herself, whose life revolved around…” – for this sentence to make grammatical sense, you should have either: –> “It seemed she had little or no time to herself, and her life revolved around…” or –> “It seemed she had little or no time to herself, a woman whose life revolved around…”

"l’eau mineral” – the first word is French, the second is the English spelling. Should be “minerale”. –> “L’eau minerale.”

“Once Joy had handed the mineral water over to Pinkie” – one too many mentions of mineral water. We know what the drink is. Just “the bottle”. –> “Once Joy had handed the bottle over to Pinkie.”

“as if he’d just been turned to stone by Medusa.” – I think “he had” would flow better than “he’d”. –> “as if he had just been turned to stone by Medusa.”

What’s a “kidult” ?

Like my book, your speech marks are single, not double. So the quotations around “talent” (inside dialogue) should be double ones.

“Unfortunately, no sooner had I… I was spotted.” – need a “than” before “I was spotted”, for this sentence to flow. –> “Unfortunately, no sooner had I begun to feel elated at the prospect of having been forgotten and not having to be a mascot for the Devilish Diva, than I was spotted.”

“her already tiny eyes” – need a hyphen here. –> “already-tiny”

“It was lying luringly’ – I like the alliteration, but unfortunately “luringly” isn’t an actual word. Think you want ‘alluringly”. But since the emphasis is on the “l”, you get more or less the same effect.

I promised I’d read and comment on your next chapter, and here it is! Your writing feels a lot smoother than I remember it being on my previous reading – obviously you’ve done a lot of editing. Only minor nitpicks here, and there’s a lot of things I like! I’m really hoping you’ll find these suggestions useful.

I’ve just done a radical overhaul to the first three chapters, and I’m hoping you’ll take another look at them. I’m thinking of sending off to agents soon so any suggestions you might offer would be very much appreciated! Thanks for the things you pointed out last time.

James
“Tamria”

http://www.authonomy.com/books/42617/tamria-book-one/

***

CHAPTER 2

Lol, the chapter title made me laugh.

“I ran up four flights of stairs as fast as I could” – hmm, this is telling rather than showing. Maybe –> “I dashed up four flights of stairs to Toy Kingdom” – that’s a few words shorter, at least.

“But before I had the chance to step through the door” – maybe a simpler: –> “But before I could step through the door, Bill came running over to me…” Fewer words, tighter.

“Firstly, who was Pinkie Mortimer?” – “First” instead of “Firstly” ? And “second” instead of “secondly” ? I just wonder if there’s a need for these to be adverbs.

“Saturday 9 April to Monday 18 April.” –> “Saturday 9 to Monday 18 April.” I don’t know if you need the two “April”s.

Is the department store “Harrolds” (as you spell it) or “Harrold’s” ? Might want to check…

“organic chocolate eggs (where chocolate hens have been given the freedom to roam)” – free range and organic don’t have the same meaning. “freedom to roam” = free range. Organic means they were grown in a protected environment without the use of any chemicals. But I think the reader will get your meaning.

“twenty-four carat Gold Bunny” – since “twenty-four carat” is a continuous adjective, the hyphen should extent to the “carat”. –> “twenty-four-carat Gold Bunny.”

I like the irony of the narrator’s voice.

You have the chick-lit genre down to a 'T.' Your 'voice' is definitely yours alone and makes a reader feel like they could join you for coffee and start chatting right away. I can't wait to read more.

Pat, San Diego

An excellent start! I like your turn of phrase and your "colorful" characters. I'll be looking for it at bookstores....

Hey Iman, i've read the first three chapters and found them really easy to read.
The tempo is great, and the way you build up to a particularly funny line, you have down to a T.
All three girls get on so well and you can see why as they have a lot of similarity's, but each one has her own part to play and i don't have to imagine that this book is going to be incredibly funny, and a roaring hoot, because i can read it.
Very entertaining, quick witted and fiery.
All the best Emma

The first book I've looked at here. Superb - and well deserving of its Number 1 position. Well done!

I love the pace, pitch and prose. Don't change a thing. But you will.
Good Luck new friend.
Paul Bradley - Stolen Minds

Excellent - funny, well-written and entertaining. Rated it and backing it!

If you could take a look at my book and comment/rank/back I would be grateful.

My book http://www.authonomy.com/books/44865/said-the-spider/

Mademoiselle Nobel,

Catchy name! I backed your book today. Excellent job! Could you please take a look at my novel, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS for your possible backing. Your help will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain

Hello Iman:

I started reading Miss Manners because I saw so many people backing your book and wanted to see what the craze was all about. Wow! Little wonder you have won over so many supporters. You have a delightful, heartwarming sense of humor, creating a charming character whose life resonates with many people on a deep, albeit often hidden, level.

Blessings to you and congratulations in advance for reaching the ED.

James

Iman,

I just finished reading your marvelous book. It has an underlying sadness, yet is hilarious at the same time. The obituary was absolutely perfect - both tragic and witty. Brilliantly written!! Your descriptions are very creative and so funny! (like a football with legs, if you unfold her brain it would be the size of a rabbit dropping, etc., etc.) I greatly enjoyed the read and am more than happy to give you 6 stars and a place on my shelf for the rest of the month. All the best to you!!

Patti
A God for All Seasons

This is a lighthearted and a little flighty tale, very much in the same vein as bridget jones. I'm not sure that I Alan add much at this point given the numerous reviews below. From my personal point of view, however, and with the caveat that I am not the target audience for this type of book, I found that I was looking for more jokes in the fist chunk to nail the comedy moniker, perhaps an edit and tightening up might have helped here. I also suspect that there is much more humour to be found on the tube or with the rac call.

Other than that, shinies awarded, good luck.

This is a lighthearted and a little flighty tale, very much in the same vein as bridget jones. I'm not sure that I Alan add much at this point given the numerous reviews below. From my personal point of view, however, and with the caveat that I am not the target audience for this type of book, I found that I was looking for more jokes in the fist chunk to nail the comedy moniker, perhaps an edit and tightening up might have helped here. I also suspect that there is much more humour to be found on the tube or with the rac call.

Other than that, shinies awarded, good luck.

Witty and easy to read I read all of it in one sitting! Actually laughed aloud at the description of Pinkie. Very well edited to my eyes and enjoyable smooth easy prose. Annas sassy humor is hilarious! Looking forward to reading more of Anna's adventure!

Kate Malone-Twell

Miss Manners is clever with a likeable main character than many women will identify with in one way or another. Her relationship with Pinkie is enjoyable and satisfying. The humore is sublte, creeping up on you instead of punching you in the face, which fits the story. Nice job and good luck.

Well madam I came back to read further and look deeper into "Miss Manners". I stand by what I said of your Oscar Wilde wit in this great read. The tube scene with Anna going through her claustrophobia was a classic example. While my experience is limited on congested subways, Louisiana's watery soil doesn't support systems well, I know of the confined environment of a model runway shoot backstage. The race scene with the old woman for the seat still brings shame when I think of my own misadventures. Where a lot of novels and movies go to far trying to be funny this quirky story delivers.

Iman keep producing novels like this. You have a gift for it.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou"

see page 57 comlit review for my comment on this book. 6 stars

It's certainly one for the girls, but I loved your sense of humour!
Chris

I promised you I'd have another read and comment on your book, and here it is! I'll see if I can do the whole five chapters before they land on the ED. Hope you'll find these useful - some of my comments are take 'em or leave 'em. My only real concern is your use of some cliches, like "heart skipped a beat" and "my life flashed before my eyes." And there's word repetition in there as well: "funeral" appears three times in one paragraph. Minor issues. This is very readable.

Have a nice day and I look forward to your thoughts.

James
"Tamria"

CHAPTER 1

“that loomed so large in the windshield that I could do nothing but jam my foot on the brake pedal.” – very tiny nit-pick but I think you could lose the second “that”, it’s only one word but it slows the sentence down. Actually, instead of “I could do nothing but” I would have “all I could do was”, it feels slightly smoother. You could probably remove the “end” after “rear”, we know what’s meant by “rear” of a cab. All this would tighten this sentence immeasurably.
–> “Ten minutes before I’d been singing to Dizzy by Tommy Roe, and the next thing I knew I was trying to avoid the rear of a cab that loomed so large in the windshield all I could do was jam my foot on the brake pedal.”

“For a split second, my life had flashed before my eyes.” – I’m always being hauled on clichés in my writing (most of the time less-known ones that I don’t even recognize until they’re pointed out to me!) and here you have two in close succession. Given this is a chick-lit, and considering the tone of the novel as a whole, you might get away with it. But I wouldn’t push your luck so early in the story. “For a split second” could be just “For a second” – that’s one word less, no cliché, and none of the meaning is lost. And maybe instead of “flashed before my eyes” you could have a different verb. Just changing the verb could stop this being a cliché.
–> “For a second, my life had rushed past my eyes.”
There we go, it’s practically the same meaning as before but it has ceased to be a cliché! Or even “whipped past my eyes”. Or how about – if you wanted to be REALLY inventive and imaginative (this is a phrase I just came up with off the top of my head!) –> “For a second, the kaleidoscope of my life had flashed before my eyes.” You’re still keeping the word “flashed”, but by the introduction of the word “kaleidoscope” you’ve put a “twist” on a well-wrung phrase! Hope this helps.

“pony tail” – should this be one word? “ponytail”

“I would have died without having achieved anything” –> “I would have died without achieving anything”. That’s a bit smoother, I feel, and it avoids repeating the “had” tense.

You have the word “funeral” three times in this paragraph. Perhaps this is done for effect, but I think you could mix it up a little. How about “there would only be three people present at the eulogy” (a “eulogy” is a tribute paid by friends and family to a deceased), and “I pictured my own memorial.” This way you’re stretching the book’s vocabulary a little, and none of these words are big or off-putting.

“Then, I pictured what would be written on my gravestone:” – this is fine as it is, but I notice the previous paragraph began “I pictured my own funeral” (same verb). Different word, maybe? –> “Then, I imagined what would be written on my gravestone.”

“But then, as if that wasn’t already a depressing enough thought” fine as is, but maybe –> “But then, as if that thought wasn’t depressing enough…” Does that sound better?

“But then, I pictured my obituary” – hmm, the verb “pictured” again. Is the repetition deliberate? If you ever happen to read my correspondence on this site with Lucy Middlemass, you’ll notice that word repetition is one of my bug-bears. –> “envisioned my obituary”, maybe?

“ten pin bowling set” – should “ten pin” be one word? “tenpin”. Minor nitpick.

You have a long paragraph beginning “My colleagues”. Whenever possible, try to break big paragraphs up. Visually, shorter ones and “white space” on a page are attractive. I’ve been doing a lot of paragraph-chopping in my work! I might insert para breaks before “The tasks required” and “You know, book reviews”. Try it and decide how you feel it looks.

“woke me up with a jump” – think you could lose “up”. –> “woke me with a jump”.

“thrust me back into the reality” – could lose “the” ? –> “thrust me back into reality”. That sounds more dramatic.

Like the Homer Simpson Bart-strangling reference!

“My heart skipped a beat.” – another cliché. Again, maybe this is ok because of the type of the novel and the tone of the story. And the narrator’s conversational “style” certainly does invite clichés – this is how normal people speak! But you could stop this being a cliché by simply removing: “a beat”. –> Just “my heart skipped”.

“he snapped, cutting me off midsentence.” – I don’t think you actually need this. There’s only the two people involved in this conversation, and the hyphen at the end of the last sentence is an interruption indicator. Read this alteration and see if it makes more sense:

“‘Aa-nn-aa! Where are you?!’ he screamed the moment I opened my battered, old blower. ‘You were supposed to be here five minutes ago!’
“‘I’m so sorry, it’s just that my car’s broken down in the middle of – ‘
‘I don’t want to hear it! Just get your sorry self in here right now or you’re fired!’ Click. The phone went dead.”

“The burly cab man that looked like a wife-beater” – he’s a person (I know, a wife-beater, but wife-beaters are people too!) so “who” not “that”. –> “The burly cab man who looked like a wife-beater”.

“The cabbie stared at me. I stared at the cabbie.” – I like the repetition here – giving a sense of a “staring match” – but it’s the sort of thing I’ve always been told to avoid. Just –> “The cabbie stared at me. I stared right back.” And then you’re not risking an agent or editor’s disapproval.

“But there was a short, rotund lady on the opposite bay that spotted it too.” – as with the wife-beating cab-driver earlier, she is a person so “who”, not “that”. But I tidier way to phrase this sentence would be: –> “As I entered the train car, I noticed there was only seating space left. A short, rotund lady on the opposite bay spotted it in the same moment.”

This sentence here – I think It would work better broken up:
“Only ten stops to go, I reassured myself whilst looking at the tube map and realizing I had to change from Northern to Piccadilly Line.” –> “One ten steps to go, I reassured myself. I busied myself studying the tube map, then realised I would have to change from Northern to Piccadilly Line.”
LOL, I take the Northern Line to work every day! Go from Lewisham to London Bridge, change to the underground there, hop on the Northern Southbound to Morden and get off at Colliers Wood. That’s where I work, at the big M&S store opposite the train station. Last time I read this book, though, I worked somewhere else and had never used the Northern Line!

Think you could drop some of the “a.m.”s. We know it’s still morning. Having “It was 9.46 and I finally arrived…” would sound more dramatic and urgent than “It was 9.46 a.m…” When people are in a hurry, they don’t mention the a.m. or p.m.!

“inscribed on the front of it.” – maybe you could lose the “of it” ? Two redundant words that don’t add anything to this sentence. –> “It was a quaint, beautiful piece of architecture encompassing seven floors with its motto Omnia Omnibus Ubique – Everything for Everyone, Everywhere – inscribed on the front.” (Maybe “emblazoned” instead of “inscribed” ? Just my suggestion. I love word tinkering!) But this description feels a bit at odds with your character’s mental state – if she’s in such a fluster is she likely to remark on the architecture of a building she’s hurrying to? Just a thought.

“felt jealous at their carefree nature” – you can feel jealous *of* something, not *at* something. Unless: “felt a twinge of jealousy at their carefree nature…” How’s that?

Miss Manners.

Wow, this is such a funny book - in fact its hilarious!
There are so many things I could pick out that made me laugh out loud, I'd be forever writing them.
I can see why its been so popular and I've been meaning to read it for a while.
Its excellently written, and its fast paced, funny and easy going style, should be published straight away.
I found no faults, its edited brilliantly and without hesitation I'll do my bit to keep it on the no.1 place on the desk by giving it 6 stars and putting it on my bookshelf.
junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star.

Ok, i managed to read the first 3 chapters to miss manners. I have to admit that i laughed when i pictured Anna in her rabbit costume beating up Pinkie. I was also very interested with all of the things that were planned in Pinkies Diary and when i saw the notes she left about sabotage, that was the exact kind of thing that i figured Pinkie would do. Excellent job, high stars from me and im sorry it took me so long with this review. My life has been pretty busy over these last few months.

I just read all five chapters you have posted and I truly enjoy Anna's voice! The writing flows so well, it's easy to read and fun to boot :-) The dry, wry humor and the biting sarcasm are great and I can hear her voice as she's narrating and see the expression she would be making while saying them.
What I loved about it:
I liked the way she had her hair pulled back in such a tight ponytail that she'd given herself a face-lift. I love the Teletubby line!
I thought the way the mysterious Mojo with the FREE readings (now how weird is that for that tent to be there just when she needed it...!) gave the same advice as the comedian: stay true to yourself. Will be interesting to see if Anna actually does!
These lines had me giggling out loud:
- I had only ever been given a small, non-speaking part of a flailing tree or a glove - flailing tree! glove! Perfect :-)
- that's what the smell was. I thought it was the gassy little toads over in the petting corner - OMG gassy little toads! (and that reminds me - the way that kid used OMG while speaking was priceless :-) Makes me wonder if one day it's going to be it's own word... )
- Tara and Felicity stared at me as if they had just smelled a fart. - perfect description imo!
- Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them - I can totally relate to this sometimes, though I'm such a pushover I'd be more likely to throw feathers :-)
I also love how she takes Pinkie's diary and how she's too afraid to leave Mojo's tent :-)

Notes (grammar suggestions or things that made me pause and took me out of the story - as I expect everyone to do, just ignore what you don't agree with! And I hope you don't mind me noting them):
- in the first chapter I wondered why she could hear the cabbie but he can't hear her. Is this because he's shouting and she isn't?
- You're missing some vocative commas: Alright Sharon, Shaz. // Come here Bunny! // Oh, hi Mum,
- "my Mum" should be "my mum" (in general Mum, Dad, etc. should only be capitalized if you can replace it in the sentence with a name)
I hope this helps a bit. I'm backing. You definitely deserve a shot at editor's desk! Go, Miss Manners!
Sonya