The Purple Morrow-Book 1

What a sad beginning. I got the sense that there is more to come, the eerie feeling just prior to losing his wife and the woman who appeared at the end of the chapter. This is very well written. The mystery is subtle, but powerful. The dialogue flows effortlessly and your characters appear real. Well done and high starred. I hope to get back and read more.
MC
Exposed

Hi Dyane,
I love your story! Your writing is smooth and it's easy to read. I did not find any mistakes and I will read more. Keep up the wonderful writing! I have enjoyed seeing you rise to where you belong! You deserve it!

Sara :)

This is a beautifully written, intriguing story which promises mystery and depth. Your characters are very real and we really feel their emotion and frustration, especially Jeru. You have a great flow and style to your writing and the story really engaged me. I really enjoyed what I read and will be backing this with pleasure.
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Phew...now this is impressive. It's more or less as Lombard down there says, this is some serious quality. I'll have to keep up with this. You are putting up more right?

Hi Dyane, I've read the first four chapters of The Purple Morrow. I find it fascinating. You write beautifully and are quite the storyteller. I could picture your descriptions and it was easy to relate to the characters' feelings. Please let me know if you post more, as I am very interested in finding out what happens next.
Top stars and on my shelf.
L-
EBO

Hi Dyane,

I've read all four chapters of The Purple Morrow; I wasn't in grammar or punctuation editor mode, so the only error I caught was a small one. I believe you meant 'gravelly beach' in Chapter 3 rather than 'gravely beach' (unless the beach was covered in graves rather than gravel). I'm not certain, but you may also have given one of the Rovers in Chapter 4 'eyes as black as' in one paragraph and blue eyes a few lines later (I read the scene a couple of times, but I couldn't quite keep track of which Rover was which).

You write beautifully and draw exquisite word pictures to establish your scenes; your characters are good to the extent that you have developed them thus far in the story. And I think you've set the stage for what could easily become an exciting fantasy adventure and a wonderful romance.

However, I felt that you actually devoted too much space to describing scenes and characters with too little dialogue allowing the characters to reveal themselves (the second chapter inside scene was good). I also felt that you introduced too many characters too quickly without staying with them long enough for me to get to know them and keep them straight (but I've grown old, and my photographic memory exhausted the last of its film during my zoology final in 1993). If the characters, other than Jeru and Lark, introduced in the (pub or bar or--did you actually say?) play a significant role later in the story, you might not bother to name most, or to spend much time in developing them so early. Otherwise, it probably doesn't matter if your readers forget who they are.

Note: I've removed my final criticism, because, after further reflection, I've decided that I was distracted and was unfair in my comment. That realization may also make the paragraph above suspect, at least in part, so read it with a grain of sand rubbing you the wrong way and inducing skepticism.

Robert

Hi Dyane, I read and reviewed all the chapters quite some time ago, but forgot to type up my notes on chapter 4, found them today, so here they are.

I probably wont be able to elaborate on anything as it is such a while ago, but I hope they're helpful nonetheless.

...he (had?) caught himself dozing a few times over the last few hours. (few x 2)
Babies... & tied to their mother's back (mothers' backs?)
...like bloated beetles they heaved... like ants they HAD streamed...
the dirt under their feet - not referring to anyone in particular - the dirt underfoot?
wooden structure - repeated three times closely
Isha - did he go in with her? Unclear?
Nyssa - how long had she been running? wasted arm?

Dyane,
I read your first chapter. You have a beautiful way with words.
Christine

Dyane,
I am a die-hard fan of fantasy - especially epic fantasy. I read your opening, and loved the mood you have set and your style of writing. I can already see the possiblity of future romance, even though Jeru can't see it yet. Great scene setting and the start of a believable world. A friend recommended this, and I am glad she did. This is the kind of book I love.
best,
Maryanne

Dyane, I haven't read much of your story, but ...WOW. I really enjoyed what I've read. This could be a best seller. I'm going to have to friend you, watchlist you and back you. High stars!
--emarie
Jackson Jacob Henry Brown, III

You have indicted that the book is complete yet it seems to me only as a beginning. Nyssa has been captured by the enemy. Will Jeru save her?

I like stories of this kind and it was so interesting to follow the life in caves. I would love to live myself in caves listening to the ocean roar in the distance. You painted the pictures vividly.

Hope you will take a look at my books,
Alexandra Mahanaim

Well written in beautiful story congratulations in high stars blessings joy

Well written in beautiful story congratulations in high stars blessings joy

Dyane, I tried to send you some comments but they must have vanished into limbo! I note from your word count that this book is the length of a long short story. However, the word count of your next in the series is more that of a novella. Maybe they could be published in one volume? Your story is interesting, exciting and well written. Best wishes, Barbara

Dyane I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to read this. Some things escape me. Sorry. I've been impressed with your first two chapters! You have a nice way of describing your characters so much so that I was beginning to imagine the Rovers as villians and was excited to see what the purple marlow is. Good job! I'm glad to see you so high in the rankings!
May God bless you and yours!!!
Elizabeth Kathleen
"If Children are Cheaper by the Dozen, Can I Get a Discount on Six?"

This is a wonderful, truly picturesque story. Although it is fantasy, your characters are very real and come alive on the pages. 6 stars!!

Beautifully written narrative. There is an effortless flow to the words which carries the reader through.

This is not a genre I would normally read, but I know good writing when I read it. Good luck with the piece. High stars and a watch list placing.

Cas


http://authonomy.com/books/42586/slow-poison/

Dayne, excellent writing. You're truly a superb storyteller.

The book has an African feel yet “ice-capped mountains”, “Rovers”, “Erne clan”, etc places it else where. It's amazing to observe how you are able to construct characters, plot scenes and narrate the story.

I very much like this Jeru chap. I feel for him. Your writing is sophisticated yet clear for anyone to follow. You use it to full effect in telling the story so much so that one feels that as you tell the story using it, it also, on its own, is the story. Each sentence has been carefully crafted to convey a story. Your confidence shows through the words you use.

Your narration is another thing to marvel. You have an ability to get a reader see through his mind’s eye how things are. The scenes that build up to the battle is gripping. One immediately gets the sense that a mammoth of a battle is on our hands. You certainly know how make things come alive through imagery.

I must express my heart-fell gratitude for the privilege you gave me of reading your book. I’m certainly backing it. And I think giving it full marks will not hurt either.

Regards
Sive

WOW! At 135!
And a pending contract!
I can believe the DESK is within your reach. Awesome!

I echo Davids view. I dont know why I havent come across this before now, but I am glad I have found it eventually. Its a great story and you tell it so well. Your character description is spot on and you have a tendency throughout the story to let us know just enough about them. I feel drawn into the book as a result of a number of things and this includes your talent to sell it to the reader. I will be scoring this high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or Watch list wont you. Happy New Year. Sean

Dyane...I was never so drawn to a genre I usually close my eyes to read...(winks) You have a gift...you weave ordinary words into a tapestry of visuals that one peeks at before pondering such an existence. I could hear the water falling...see the love between Jeru and Aliyah. But I could see .Nyssa escaping only to be caught again and carried off to be taken again and again by those vile men. It's like walking on eggshells...yet one is unable to simply step off of them. Six stars and a want for more...

Linda

CCRG

Since you only have four chapters posted, I read them all. Great story with strong descriptions and very personal characterizations. I can see where the story is going and enjoy it. I think I'd probably buy the book in a bookstore.

Open with a dream sequence was a risk, but I think you did it well so that it engenders sympathy of Jeru early on.

You've had some excellent nitpicking below, so I'm not going to plow the same field. I would suggest in the tavern sequence that you not tell us the men were rowdy. The reader can figure that out through the description, so you don't need to tell us.

Other than that, I think this is a strong story that has been well edited and deserves its ranking. Good luck!

Lela Markham - The Willow Branch

Club Grimoire Alternate Review

I'm not sure why I haven't read this sooner - I thoroughly enjoyed it. I think the thing that stands out the most to me is your ability to not let prose get in the way of the plot. You have moments of exceptional prose, but for the most part, you're doing what you're supposed to: letting the story tell itself.

I love nature and hiking and all that fun stuff, so I really liked your attention to painting the scene and the imagery of the waterfall. The only weak place I found was the description of the house. Someone mentioned this below, but I was having trouble picking the "tone" of the house - was it a dirty shack? More of a rugged but simple cabin? A sentence or two expanding the description might help, but again I enjoy description of setting more than most.

Love the names of your characters. Jeru and his wife's trip across the rocks was saturated in tension - I was flying through your sentences to find out what happened. I have to admit, I'm not sure how I felt about the dream, even though it was less of a dream and more of a vivid and accurate experience. I can't comment on how a publisher would feel about it, but to me it seems like a lot of books start out with dreams. That said, it was still great. You could feel Jeru's pain at re-living that experience.

I'm adding this to my waitlist because this is honestly one of the only works I've wanted to read more of, and I'll certainly be back for further reading. Highly rated.

Douglas York
Majestic Shadows: The Pillar of Smoke

Hi Dyane,
I didn't comment immediately because I wasn't sure what to say. I don't have any crits, really, I only wish there was more to read!!! You write beautifully - I really did lose track of time in the world you've created. The pace is perfect: not too fast that it misses the detail and descriptions that make the characters convincing and the setting come to life, but not too slow that readers would lose interest.

There's a good amount of suspense, and you wrote the scenes of battle so clearly that I was able to follow them easily (I usually get lost in fighting scenes, lose concentration and skim read through).
You've built up the plot so naturally, flawlessly and my heart aches for Jeru <3 Love the characters, brilliant plot...high stars and very pleased to have it on my shelf.

Burgundy Ink (Choosing Right)

Hi Dyane,
I was planning to check The Purple Morrow over the weekend but I could only have time to read it today. Having finished the first 3 chapters, I can easily say that you've managed to create a dynamic plot here. I enjoyed what I read so far.

Your third-person voice is clear and easy to follow. I liked the way you introduced ALIYAH at the very beginning and then fused in all your characters (Jeru, Lark, Milie, Ada, Nyssa, Deni, Leader and Quentin) in a timely manner.

I think your dialogues are in a good shape and your writing style certainly delivers. I usually focus on character development and premise, so I'm sure if you upload some more chapters, I'll be able to send you a more useful feedback.

Highly starred and still in my Watch List for further comments,
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Continuing my review -
Ch 3 - You speak of the Erne clan being part of the Water clan, and loving the sea - but I don't see mention of the actual, physical sea itself - just the mountains, cliffs and the dried riverbed. There is metnion of the sound of the surging of waves, but I couldn't work out if it was because the waves were nearby, or because of the way the wind pounded into their caves.

With careful reading, I can deduce that they are by the sea, but it took a great deal of concentration.

Sometimes Clan, sometimes clan.

Celebration Hall sounds beautiful.

'However, to Nyssa, Ada was beautiful inside.' This sounds clunky and cliché. I think it is the repetition of beautiful, beauty and the inside... not sure.

The relationship between Ada and Nyssa is well written, their dialogue flows so well, it is obvious they are good friends, at ease with one another.

Love the picture you paint of the water-dogs.

'Standing knee-deep in the water and peeking at her from between two boats, she caught Aref watching her.' That's kind of saying twice that he's watching her.

Hope to be back soon for chapter four. I am really enjoying this!

Dyane I came back to read "The Purple Morrow-Book 1" and give a thorough review. This is great writing! I can't figure out why you aren't on more book shelves.

First and foremost, the creative strokes to develop an original concept and bring something that is unique can't be overlooked.

Second, your detailed descriptions of the world your characters inhabit are on a George R.R. Martin level.

Finally, this is a character driven story that keeps the characters true to their nature. Jeru and Aliyah are organic and real people to me who are on a journey and not stilted characters driven to a plot point.

I can tell that you put a lot of time into shaping and polishing this novel up. Great job and you have a new fan and supporter.

I'll try and get you on my watch list and shelf shortly. I apologize for not having put you there sooner. This is a real treasure to find.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou", "The Wings of the Seraph", & "Shadow Ghosts of the Moonlight"

I enjoyed reading the chapters of the MS that you have uploaded. I've done a little nit picking, but always like to preface with reminding that I'm a reader, not a writer, and these are just my thoughts - in no way are they the only or best!!

Ch1 The descriptions are beautiful, and you portray the relationship between Jeru and Aliyah so well, the easy friendship, and the eagerness for more, that is just within the caves. One thing that I haven't been able to work out, even with reading over a few times is exactly where over the river they are crossing in relation to the falls. Are they at the top of the falls, over the falls, at the base of the falls?

...wet from tears (I prefer wet with tears)

When Jeru sees the different woman with the purple butterflies, is he awake or asleep?

Having read all that you've uploaded I know the answer to this next point, but still feel it's worth mentioning. When I first read through the first chapter, I assumed in the beginning that this dream was quite soon after the accident with Aliyah. Then he says - why now after all this time, and then that this (the waking) had been happening for a few weeks. I felt a little lost as to when all this was happening.

Ch2: Just reading over it again, some of the descriptive words used feel a little too strong, revelling patrons, excited shouts, reared back... I can picture the scenes, but these particular words make it feel too strong. I don't know if that makes any sense. Am happy to try and reword if you like. :)

'almost negligently' - this didn't sound quite right.
'One would think you came up with new methods of attack every day.' Seems almost repetition of the previous sentence.
'these meetings...' what meetings? Do you mean a formal meeting or just a casual get together?
'It's got to stop.' About the dreaming - sounds to me like he is in control to some degree... perhaps, 'I wish it would stop!'
'That kind of thing doesn't happen to me.' I'm wondering if 'wouldn't' would be a better word than 'doesn't'?
'But this is the Purple Morrow'... maybe But the Purple Morrow doesn't show itself by accident.
Maybe this is your chance - has got me wondering for what? Interesting.
I would give anything to be free - is this from his pain, or is he slave to someone/something else?
Also got me wondering what the Purple Morrow means/is all about. Good hooks.
'bleary eyed' - given that he is breathless, I'm guessing he's run at least a reasonable distance - wouldn't the bleary have disappeared in that time? Perhaps tousled hair instead?
Also, wouldn't the conversation between Milie and Lottie have started immediately, not particularly quietly, - which means the description of the fire being the only sound doesn't quite ring true?
I like the difference between Lark's arrival home and Jeru's ... well written, emotive.

Looking Good.
;-D

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

This is a very moving intro. I knew form the opening sentences what was coming but that compelled me even more to read on. The pace is spot on. There is plenty of description to set the scene but never too much or overly detailed. As soon as they dared to cross the river I wasted to shout at them to step back. The tension is fabulous. I love it. The image of Aliyah screaming is very powerful and I could hear the echo of her voice as falls. The sense is set up here with nothing short of perfection. This is very far removed from my usual genre but the writing is truly fabulous and I hugely enjoyed this. So impressed.

Janny

Oh my, such a sad tragic beginning. I couldn't stop reading. Turned my stomach in the best of ways, very real, very sad beginning here, I wish I could say it brought tears to my eyes but instead it made me feel much deeper. Pure waves of horror tingled my spine as you worked your way up to the moment the dreaded occurred in the dream.

Stating that something was amiss in the roundabout way you used was perfect as it caught your readers attention, but didn't give too much away before it was time. Even though I thought I saw what was coming fairly clearly, you did a good job surprising me all the same.

Nothing grammatical or wording wise to suggest here, excellent on that.

Great job with this, God bless

I have seen this book around quite a bit and kept meaning to take a read. A sad opening with Jeru's dream of his loss. The language and description are very strong.

You put the reader well into the scene but the only thing I struggled with was the hut. You mentioned there was a kitchen so I was torn between a log cabin and something a little more primitive but in all likelihood it was me not paying enough attention.

Enjoyable, high stars.

Maria

Hi Dyane; here for the return read as promised.
I found your dream opening beautifully done. Very descriptive but with good reason. I know what people are saying about starting with a dream but I think in your case there is good reason for it (tough call.)
Jeru is a character living with the repercussions of his loss and is a very deep for it. It is hard not to feel for him and his five years of longing. The ending of chapter two was very good, atmospheric and tense.
I must say that for me though, the best thing was the whole idea of the Purple Morrow. Not only an original idea, but a truly fascinating one.
Very different to the norm and all the better for it.
Well done, Dyane.
RMA
The Snow Lily

Club Grimoire Alternate Critique

First off, I'm terribly sorry for taking so long to get back to return the read! That said and done, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your first chapter. First off though, I'd like to quickly comment on your pitch. I think you might want to fix it up a little bit, as right now it's laden with a lot of terms and people that the would-be isn't familiar with. I think that, judging from the writing of the first chapter, you could write a much better one that maybe hooks the reader in right from the start.

Regardless, you have a very well written first chapter. Your descriptions are very well done, and Jeru is a great character. The only worry I have is that you begin your story with a dream, which was a problem I myself had. At first, I thought it was the perfect start and ignored a lot of comments that said starting out with a dream is cliche. But, unfortunately, publishers do make big decisions over such minor details. As such, I'd really recommend you find a way to start this book off another way. Don't get rid of this chapter - it's much too good for that. But changing the beginning will go a long way.

Good luck! I've given you six stars and hope you continue to rise in the rankings :)
Ryan
2175

Hi Dyane, an interesting title and pitch drew me into reading your story.

Your descriptions in chapter one make it very easy to imagine the scene and create some understanding of the landscape, culture and people. Apart from the woman, who emerges from the water at the end, it is somewhat difficult to see the connection to the pitch. It feels a bit like a prologue, rather than the start of the story. My other concern would be the use of the dream. I recently saw an agent, I follow on twitter, beg authors not to open with dream sequences or waking from a dream.

'Yes, I guess between us, you would know.' - I wasn't certain what the, 'between us' was adding.

Deni's paragraph in chapter two, beginning, 'Leader, it's obvious...' seems a little forced. More information for the reader about the significance of the falcon message, than something the villagers would naturally have to point out to their leaders.

It's very clear that you've put a lot of time and thought into the world you've created in this book. Your descriptions of it are thorough and very strong. You clearly know your characters well. After four chapters I can see the beauty and brutality and wonder how Nyssa and Jeru's lives will continue to weave together and what impact the purple morrow will have on them.

Dyane, fantastic!

At first, I'll admit, I began to read very half-heartedly and vaguely following the story. Though, your story turned my interest and I began to become terribly invested in the characters! I had a dreadful feeling of suspense and horror during the dream sequence (when Aliyah falls into the river, etc), and that is what sealed my want for the story.
On a note of criticism, I'd remove the cliche poetic metre from your opening paragraph in "His love, his life. His wife." - it seemed slightly cheesy to me, and taken from the store of average romance novels floating around. However, I have VERY little experience in romance, not that this is altogether a romance (but I mean this particular section), and so cannot attempt to know better. Stick to what seems right with you.

Grand novel, and fantastic style!

Kind wishes,

Hi,
A competent start to what appears to be a strongly written fantasy. Chapter 1 takes us from joy to sadness as experienced by Jeru and then Chapter 2 introduces the concepts of the Purple Morrow and Rovers although details are held back at this stage.
From those two chapters I have three comments I'd like to make; firstly the statement that Ailiyah threw herself into the river seems a bit off as I'm assuming her falling was more accidental than deliberate. Secondly I think it may clarify things if you state that the dream is based on memory rather it being either just a dream or something more prophetic. Personally I grasped that it was a subconscious recollection but other readers may not and I see that you have at least one comment below that makes this misconception. Finally in chapter 2 the paragraph stating he'd lived alone for 5 years seemed a bit odd as I had no idea who he had lived with before hand. There didn't seem to be a context to place the timescale into making the statement a touch bewildering.
Overall though a very capable start. Well starred and well done.
James

Dyane,
Revisiting your work yet again, I see that you've buffed it to a high sheen. Your descriptives bring out color and movement in the same manner painters do with shades and expressive detail. Examples are "water...exploding at the bottom where it churned into a mass of white-tinged foam" or "branches swayed in the wind, a moving blanket of whispering leaves." See what I mean? Jeru's loves are poignant, losing his beloved Aliyah so early, struggling to keep Nyssa safe as his Rover-brother Kelen comes into their life. Thank you so much for the enchanting read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Hi

This isn't my usual genre, but you have written it so well - the characters are so full of life, zest etc

A very good read

David

Dyane,

It was easy to be swept into this realty with all of the wonderful details you use. I felt the dialog was balanced well with the description and the little action details set everything off nicely. The plot develops slowly as the characters take shape. Nice, easy read for the first three chapters.

A few things that stuck out for me, if you don't mind a few nitpicks-

Your characters seem very passionate, all the time, with everything they do. i.e., shouts erupt, Lark rears back abruptly, Jeru is so angered by the entrance of someone he grinds is knuckles into his leg, deep belly laughs follow candid observations ... and so forth. At times the reactions feel a bit much for what they are reacting too.

In relation to that, when a youth comes in to warn the town with such urgency he forgets to put on his pants, (by the way, I found it very odd that he didn't actually have the message, just its means of arrival) Lark and Jeru essentially shrug it off and go on about their evening. I expected such impassioned individuals to respond with more of, well, a response.

As I said, these are just things that stuck out for me and I only mention them in case you may find them of use. Your writing is beautiful and vivid and I wish you the best!

April Gray
The Illusion

Club Grimoire Alternate review

Chapter One

Hi Dyane

Sorry for the delay in returning your review. I've been busy editing my book, and with work and all...

I liked your pitch. It sets the scene, what the MC is up against, what he must do to get what he wants, and that something very mysterious happens to him.

I also liked your chapter one. It's easy to read and there's a poetic touch to some of your writing (probs the influence of that special book of ours :)) The love and sexual tension is right there to be felt between the two lovers, most of all from the way they both play off each other, which feels natural but is not easy to pull off (at least for us less romantic men) but also the romantic setting and where they're headed. The part after he wakes up is good I thought. Little things like him feeling the back of his hair on the nape of his neck when he looks up, things like that are always good. And the chapter is left on a mysterious note, the strange woman he sees in his dreams and the resemblance. The mention of the purple necklace and the purple butterflies helps too, given the title.

I see your book's doing really well. Well done. I'd love to see it ranked even higher so I'll do my best to give suggestions that might help.

In the first para I think you should reconsider the part describing the scenery that starts 'the gurgling river...' I just think gurgling rivers and cascading falls are used too commonly and I know you can do better. 'rivers running blithe, dazzled by the smile of the sun? Just something different.

She laughed and complied. 'comply', at least to me, is a rather dispassionate word in this setting. 'She laughed her compliance'? 'She laughed and skipped onwards, keeping pace'?

Clan Laws - I don't think it should have the capital L. Maybe if it was 'the Laws of the Clans. It threw me when I read it and thought it was another clan name.

'using the shortened version of her name' - you don't need this. I would spell it Liyah or 'Liyah

'Aliyah then threw herself...' I know she's not throwing herself voluntarily into the river, but it does still sort of sound like it.

Ok, I'm going to play devil's advocate here, and maybe you'll hate me for it. Given you foreshadow something bad is going to happen by way of Juru's premonition, we basically know that Aliyah will fall into the river when he's looking back at her on the stepping stones. I like the premonition in itself. I use it in my book too. But perhaps it might be another idea to have them both reach the other side so that the reader thinks they've made it without falling in. Then maybe the bats flock out from their cave and before Juru knows it Aliyah's flailing around and falls in. I think the reader would find it more a shock. Just an idea. Please don't hate me!

Altogether a great chapter one, with a thoughtful scene and setting and excellent character interaction.

Arnbjorn

I only had to read chapter 1 to know this is a story I will like. There is a subtle and well defined introduction to the characters and their surroundings within the first few paragraphs. The story ambles along with a gentle tale of a happy, newly married, couple when disaster strikes and the tale takes a completely different path. Short on time I was only going to read chapter 1, but had to read chapter 2. Whatever the x-factor is, chapter 1 has it.
Chapter 2 has me intrigued as to what exactly the Purple Morrow is and then ends with a paragraph which left me wanting to read chapter 3, and on it goes.

An excellent fantasy, heading for the top ten. 6 stars and shortlisted for bookshelf. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger in my Life

Hi Dyane,

It was a pleasure to read the first eight chapters of Purple Morrow. Like everyone else, I too appreciate the smooth, poetic prose you write in. It naturally sets the tone for the tragic, mysterious opening and carries through to all the other varied and creative settings. I’m amazed at your talent to keep the plot enticing. Perhaps it’s that steady dose of emotion that I found so appealing, but there‘s also some well contrived cliff hangers and surprises all along the way.

I loved that Jeru found Nyssa… Oh, the power of a potential love interest to keep the reader hooked. I also loved the sights, sounds and smells of the woods, the tavern, the cliffs… With your beautifully artistic writing, you give an amazing sense-around tour of the southern lands.

Also, you do a wonderful job showing the inner-workings of people. I was amazed that you made me feel some grace toward to the brutal Northman… now that’s talent. Really, all your characters come to life under the power of your pen (or keyboard) I will definitely keep this on my watchlist to read through to the end, and when my shelf clears, I’ll place Purple Morrow on it. Excellent writing! I six starred this a long time ago. :-)

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

The Purple Morrow - Book One

This is a return review

This is imaginative fantasy, complete with an interesting storyline and characters with believable relationships. I especially like Nyssa and her father.

Neither of the commas in the short pitch are necessary, I don't think.
“on all who live there” If it was ten years ago, it should probably be “lived.”

Chapter One

“using the shortened version of her name”. I can’t decide if this explains something obvious or if the way “Leah” is spelt means we need to be told. If she’s called Aliyah then the shortening would make more sense as “Liyah”.
The bats on the crossing are good. Horrible but good.
“the river closed instantly over her head.” Better without “instantly”, I think.
Quite a lot of books start with something that turns out to be a dream. It’s quite well done in this case, but I’d rather see it as an ordinary memory.

Chapter Two

There are things happening suddenly, abruptly and instantly. They don’t need to be, the descriptions would be fine without.
There’s something about fantasy books that seems to attract “mirth”. It doesn’t matter, I guess it belongs here.
I see by now that the dream section is important. I just took a little convincing.
The last line “And stood as still…” ought to be “And standing as still…”

Chapter Three

The start of this chapter is quite description heavy. If there’s landscape that I have to know about, I’d prefer to find out through characters’ interactions with it. There’s nothing wrong with the way you’ve described it but I’m tempted to just skim through. Possibly I’ve got low tolerance for this sort of thing, I’d at least prefer to see the paragraphs broken up a bit more.
I’d like to know Nyssa better before reading so much about her time at the market. Tempt me in with her character then tell me what she does. Would starting the chapter with the dialogue work?
“ragged” is relatively unusual, so probably shouldn’t come up twice.
“so hard and fast” Just “so hard” would be better, I think.
“as though trying to pull a new topic of conversation from the tresses.” This I like.
I also like how quickly you link Jeru with the women and the dream. We’re not kept guessing for too long.
The last sentence of this chapter is good too.
It’s all very intriguing, especially the idea of the purple morrow itself. I enjoyed what I read. Highly starred.

Lucy

Club Grimoire Alternate

Just checked out the first chapter and am interested in moving on.
I will say that I, like a previous commenter, I was wary of a story beginning with a dream. I just saw agents in my twitter feed complain about this very thing, saying that it's been over done AND they have trouble believing dreams that are such exact replicas of memories. I have to agree this with that latter especially. Your details in the dream are so crystal clear and gorgeous at that. You can hear and see so much of what is going on, and it's gorgeously written. When you see that they are a dream, it seems out of place with how very real everything feels. The one dream like element-the second woman in the white dress, isn't brought up until Jehu wakes up. I wonder if it might not be better to make the scene into a memory instead so that the reader can truly believe what they are seeing. Other than that, I love your dialogue, characters, and the setting. They are all real and beautifully written.

Good Luck!,
Kim (Marian Librarian)

Here’s my CLF and CCRG Review:

I enjoyed this story very much. You have a poetic style to your writing that is enchanting. Jehu searches for serenity and truth, while the world around him is falling apart. It is very interesting when the task falls on Jeru for Nyssa’s restoration and then to save her from the beast-men of the North, when he still feels guilt over her sister’s death and has been resisting Nyssa all this time. It is like a trap he has fallen in that he can’t get out of, but one the reader would wish for him to land in. You set this story up quite well.

I really feel Jeru’s and Nyssa’s pain in reading through the chapters. You have created some well-rounded, three dimensional characters. I like the goal you place in the reader’s hearts to move forward and see how Jeru and Nyssa will find peace and happiness. I like the meaningful relationships that take place in this book. Falling in love isn’t automatic for the each of the characters, but something that has developed over time and care. I like how you give the perspective of the Northern men also and how they look at the situation. There are some interesting surprises in your last chapters, which turn the story in a different direction. The romance is beautiful between Jeru and Nyssa when they finally join in marriage.

I only saw a couple typos.

Ch. 11 The only thing he knew for certain, since it had been Oren who had revealed the information, was that (he) had been born and bred a Garguul...

There is no where (nowhere) left for the Northman left to go.
Ch. 14 When Kelen saw Jeru coming for Nyssa, he described his eyes blazing as chunks of emerald, then a few paragraphs down from there, it says he realized with surprise that the eyes were emerald.

Best wishes! Highly starred.

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

The chapters I have read so far have thrust me into another world; the language is poetic, evoking the reader's senses. The story starts off with a dream and at first I was not sure about starting the book with a dream, but it works. Juru and Aliyah are also vividly described and I particularly liked the description of her hair - and later the drowning. The plot is interesting and I was hooked to find out how the story unravels.
Very well written. Highly starred and on my watchlist to continue reading.

Maria (Georgina's Family)

I've only had time for the first few chapters. It is a very interesting start to your fantasy work. I will need to read on to gather more of the connections that you are weaving. Your writing is very poetic, using imagery often. I like that. I've added you to my watchlist.
Natalie

Club Grimoire Critique

At first, I found starting with a dream to be a bit off-putting. It isn't bad in itself, but I believe it is something publishers tend to frown on. However, I did not jump to judging The Purple Morrow on that alone, and I found the rest of the first chapter helps to justify opening with a dream. Jeru's guilt is very intriguing and the dream beforehand helps to make it more so.
I found the images you used to be very engaging. The way you describe the river and its surroundings is very natural. I can picture the stepping-stones Jeru was so concerned about quite clearly.
The only error I noticed was a very minor one. When talking about the mysterious woman from his dream, you wrote "little, purple butterflies" and the comma is unnecessary. However, it may not be a problem at all, as I have seen it done like that elsewhere as well.
Sincerely,
Cody

Dyane, your fine, accomplished work is a pleasure to read. This is not a genre I normally choose to read, and I've still only had time for the first two chapters, but the beautiful, poetic quality of your writing combined with a sensual earthiness underscoring the story and characters are in danger of converting me! High stars.
There is some minor repetition you may not be aware of in chapter 2. 'He was surprised at the edge in his voice.' Three lines later: '...I'm on edge.' Ten or so paras later: '...but it might take the edge off a little.' It might be stronger if you changed the first 'edge' to 'tension' or 'tightness' or 'strain'.
David
MASTER ACT: a memoir