The Angel Chord

To mark The Angel Chord hitting 200 comments - I've picked a few recent faves. Thanks to all who have read it so far and thanks in advance for those still to have a look and comment. All the best
Derek

"Derek, I have finished all the chapters that you have uploaded. You simply must upload the rest, you can't leave us hanging like this. I love it. Though it deals with angels and demons, you have done it in such an original and fresh way, its a joy to read, and I really want to read more. Hope you upload some more soon. This could easily be a book I had purchased at a book shop."
Gannon

"of books I have read on this site, by far this is one that has captivated my attention so quickly. I have to agree with your other reviewers that this story seems more likely to be found in a bookstore than free to read online."
Sassychick

"I'm backing this book as one with the potential to become a commercially viable,puiblishable commodity with good appeal across a number of demographics"
Michael ranson

"It's a really great idea that angels have upgraded their harps to using guitars and also fascinating that it's a key to using their powers. There is little doubt that the author Derek Tobin is a talented writer as well as storyteller. I've seen more than one book with a great premise fall flat because of lukewarm writing skills, but Tobin has a style that is every bit as good as the plot here. All three of the main characters are highly believable and likeable in their own way. readers could see themselves put into any of their shoes despite the fantastic nature of the story. Some of the personal conflicts are extremely interesting also, like having an atheist suddenly having to become an angel. I dont see many impediments to The angel Chord's success once published, it's pretty much ready to go right now. surely a movie of its own would soon follow."
John Breeden II

"This story is absolutely fantastic. This story is so wonderful that I'm reading it again this morning despite having a lot of work here in my office. Your use and grasp of descriptive words is utterly amazing. This is a really awesome story, do you know?"
Saerawrites

"The Angel Chord definately warrants a place on the Editor's desk. Backed and starred."
Ruth2904

"Hi Derek. What a stunning piece of work. Your imagery is superb and your handling of plot impeccable. I can see why you are sitting so close to the top. Rest assured you have my backing"
Kokako

"One word- fantastic"
Watchmaker.

"This is a really original piece of woirk great style and the writing really pulls you in. I could defiantely see this being published and selling"
PR Furlong

I am currently up to chapter 10, and I just had to comment to say that I am loving it. Derek you have done a wonderufl job. The narrative flows along at a nice pace and the suspense is also built up at a nice pace. Interesting and enjoyable characters. Imho this could easily be a book I had purchased at a book shop. Excuse me now I have to get back to it.

The opening scene: I’m peering down into the old man’s cramped living room. The light is uneven and yellow, coming from an old floor lamp near the old man’s lazy-boy, reflecting off the old-fashioned wallpaper. There’s a layer of dust over the top of the TV. I see these details based on those you provided. It seems there’s just enough atmosphere and tone for this to work. The story is moving forward through concise, well-edited narrative. The old man in his basement, building a mysterious guitar (Frank Zappa would’ve likely enjoyed this scene.)

And then onto Jackie and Bill, and the promise of some creepy grave digging. These first two chapters have me convinced that I’d enjoy reading on.

One tiny nit: hair is blond. A woman who has blond hair, is a blonde.

The Angel Chord is highly recommended.
To rate this less than six stars would be wrong.

I have a read a view books on this site and by far this is one of the few that has captivated my attention so quickly. I have to agree with your other reviewers that this story seems more likely to be found in a bookstore then online for free to read.
i love the visual you brought to life and the interactions of the characters in the second chapter. the whole novel is very captivating and I am currently backing it.

Well done!

Having written a poem many years ago called The Devil Plays Bass and also having an ex-musician, the various classic guitars were instantly visible to me, which likely makes this a story I can relate to more? Not sure. I am only adding this point so that you consider that my opinion could be influenced by these two points.

Now, I have not read the lot and I am sure that when (not if) I do, I will love this even more, but I can say with all honesty if this book was on the market, I would buy it without hesitation.

Now for the negative – though there’s not much of it.

I personally dislike stories where I cannot get to know “THE MAN” instantly. By that I mean a name or something which helps me link to him and hold on to him. I have no doubt this will later be explained, but it did frustrate me somewhat. If there is a very good reason why we cannot know his name, fine, leave it. If not, give us something, a nickname – something. And even if he is on his own, he could have shuffled just as easily to a picture of himself, say playing a sport (or instrument), a news clipping or whatever and been referred to in some form. Aside from allowing the reader to commit to him, it would also give some insight into the character.
Again, this may not be possible for reasons further on and if this is the case, please ignore.

The other thing I noticed is you use HAD a-lot. There are many places you can re-work your sentences without using HAD. It’s a small point but an important one because, when you really need it you can use it without the reader thinking HAD HAD HAD…
I think you could also really tighten up some of the passages. Trust your reader, we get it, don’t cross every “T” and dot every “I” give us some credit, and even if we are wrong, so what? To be honest there is nothing better (for me) than to read something and then go “OH! I see…I get it now…”

Sorry about the war-and-peace epic, truth is, I really like it and want to see it published.
Nik.

Great review from Harper Collins, well done! Certainly hope they decide to publish it for you. I enjoyed it.

WOW, what a great review from the guys at Harper Collins. I'm going to have to read this before you pull it off the site to sign your publishing deal!!!

Jim

Great Review! Congrats!

I know this book has been medalled so any comments I make may not count for much. This book is better than good.

Derek man, ure one hell of a writer. Seven Chapters in one go, that's how captivating this is. Taking a break now and I'd continue. This is addictive.

I'm just reading angel chord. I do hope it gets published. Hope to finish it soon.

Hi Derek
Great book and easily understandable why it's on the editors desk. Really liked the way the disparate characters stories are woven together in the first few chapters, keeps the reader gripped. Great idea, excellently written. Look forward to seeing it on a bookshelf soon, as it deserves to be.

Tony

Hey Derek - I read the first 2 chapters of the book and I'm already captivated by the story. I normally only read the first chapter but I couldn't leave it hanging. I love the intense stillness of Chapter 1 - I was there with the old man - I could picture his ever move from the drool going down his chin to when he looked over his shoulder to make sure he was still alone. It was so evident that in the stillness there was something key happening for the flow of the story - thus before I knew it I was selecting chapter 2!!! I love the character descriptions and build up - Jackie Hendam is perfectly written and you have some really clever ways of saying how beautifully ugly she actually is - if that makes sense. You've chosen to write a lot in the past sense , ie, "Bryant brushed his palm along his thigh' which gave me a slight impression of not actually being on the journey with them - but thats just personal choice and definitely doesn't take away from the story. (Hope that makes sense). Obviously pointless backing the book at this point so I'm just left to say - can't wait to see it in print!!! Well done - great writing and a beautifully woven story in just the first 2 chapters. Have a great day - Jac :)

Okay, read the first three chaps. You're a good writer and editor. I would begin with the 2nd chapter as I found it far more interesting than an old man in a chair. As for the 1st chap. you should restructure it by separating the TV commentary from the old man's movements/reaction. I had a laugh over "...PHD in male manipulation." Good luck.

Hi Derek,

Congratulations on making it to the Editor's Desk. Best of luck with everything.

Aisling

Hi, I agree with P Eley on the adjectives. Should you get the opportunity with an editor, I hope you do, I think you'll be asked to trim. A neat idea, I wonder who'd you get as the guitarists should you envisage a film? Steve Vai? Joe Satriani? Jack White? Back story for characters is only necessary when that back story influences their MO or impacts on plot, think of introducing those important points during interaction or action or introspection otherwise they become stand alone info paragraphs. I think you have a guitar fetish :) I have a dippy dongle that keeps dropping out. I'll keep reading. Starred and backed. Roy.

If you have more to upload, please upload it. This is my kind of book, very Gaiman in tone, and I would very much like to see how it ends. I will be rating it highly.

Good evening Derek,

I've been reading your book, Angel Chord this week and can see why you have made it to the top five. I particularly liked the way you used description to build a picture. You have deep characters and plenty of twists and turns drawing your readers into your story.

I thought your idea was fresh and new, I've never read anything, or seen any film with a storyline such as yours. You really know your guitars which I found impressive. I believe your book will do well. Thank you for sharing your story.

Serina Hartwell

You have to be on your way to publication with this one, look forward to reading more!

Isn't it about time The Angel Chord made the desk? :)

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Derek, for the most part, your imagery is outstanding, much better than the average writer. The only one I would question is ,"like jagged shadows piercing an already forgotten dream." That one was difficult to imagine, and that is where your imagery is so good, I can see it as you say it.

Derek, I finished the available chapters yesterday: you've created a suspenseful, intelligent story. I was a bit worried at one point that The Angel Chord might be a retelling of Crossroads, but it's not. It is original and, at times, heart-stopping. Congratulations on your success. I look forward to reading the conclusion, be it on the site or from a bookstore. Cheers. - C.A. Simonsen

I love the premise. Great stuff. Captivating and well written. Deserves all the success.
Backed with pleasure.
Laurence Howard, The Cross of Goa

I love the revelations in the beginning, it's a nice touch. Fantastic writing here. I'm going to back 'The Angel Chord' and return soon. The pitch grabbed my attention immediately and the first chapter hooked me. Great job, I look forward to the rest.

Hi Derek, The Angel Chord will make a great read. It is one of those books that will be timeless. Great writing, very desciptive and informative. Definettly this book is worth reading. Good luck and hope to see it on the shelves and I shall make it one of my best read.

Dont forget to go and check my book.
If only you could tell.

I'm backing this book because I thinhk it has major potential and one of the most intriguing plots I've come across in a long while!

Your storyline is tremendously original and interesting. I like the dense writing and the surprising twists that follow each other rapidly. The only criticism I can offer is to re-edit all those commas and perhaps consider paring down the adjectives. I.e., 'gentle' tap. A tap is gentle by definition. Even 'small,' gold snuff box. How many large snuff boxes are there? The extra adjectives slow the reader from getting to know what's coming next and believe me, with this story, they want to race ahead.

Good luck with this. I almost never read fantasy but yours is compelling. Pat McA, San Diego

Derek, for someone so 'not that bothered' about getting published, you have an unarguable, natural talent! This book is contemporary, well written and engaging and you definitely deserve to be in the top 5. I will highly rate and back your book. Well done!
Katie Ridley, 'The Last Message'.

A brilliant supernatural tale told with style and originality. Glad to see this near the top.

Great read and a great premise. I have only read chapter one but I may return for more! Two pieces of (hopefully) constructive criticism for you. firstly, I think the angels in the opening revelations quote need to be playing electric guitars, i know it's a quote but you haven't quoted a specific bible version so i'm sure you'd get away with it, if the rest of the book is going to be irreverent why not set the scene in the opening quote. Secondly at times you go adjective crazy! There are 2 or 3 paragraphs in the middle of this chapter where every single noun is preceded by an adjective. Plus one or two adjectives seem particular favourites, e.g 'Cold' 'small' etc. Minor points I know but hopefully worth a mention.

I'm back for more of your fabulous book

Fantastic. Reminded me a bit of Neil Gaiman - not the style which is all yours, but the wonderfully irreverent way you depict your world. I'm going to read more. I hope this gets published. It deserves to be.

Original, and very well written. Deserving of a place on the ED yours Bea

Awesome opening. I need to crack on with this if there will only be another 12 days of it on the site. The rest of the books on my shelf will have to wait.

Superb very well written.

From
John Stearn (Author of Derilium)

Hello Derek,
You sent me a private message just a few days ago. Even though I love supernatural thrillers, I am not really into the old angel and demon times. I'm more of vampire and werewolf times, thats what my book is about. I am slowly but surely getting to everyone's message and I read the first Chapter of your book. It's interesting, and the old man has a different character than I'm used to seeing. I will put it on my shelf for now so you can keep up your Top 5 rating. And I would love it if you could give me feedback on "Anything but Serenity." Thank you! -Lauren

Hello Derek,
You sent me a private message just a few days ago. Even though I love supernatural thrillers, I am not really into the old angel and demon times. I'm more of vampire and werewolf times, thats what my book is about. I am slowly but surely getting to everyone's message and I read the first Chapter of your book. It's interesting, and the old man has a different character than I'm used to seeing. I will put it on my shelf for now so you can keep up your Top 5 rating. And I would love it if you could give me feedback on "Anything but Serenity." Thank you! -Lauren

Just finished chapter 5 - rated and backed.

Any comments, rating and/or backing are of course welcome - http://www.authonomy.com/books/44865/said-the-spider/

added to watchlist - read the first chapter, will read more...

Hi Derek,
So sorry I missed giving you a read/review of Angel Chord. I’m not sure how I did that as this is one I’d surely look forward to reading. Anyway, below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions and should be taken for whatever they’re worth. Feel free to disregard what you disagree with.
Chapter One
I get why you have a comma after “armchair,” but I don’t agree with its effectiveness. Grammatically, it’s a stretch, and it seems like a blatant insertion for a pause that it serves more as a distraction. Why is it needed? The sentence is just as strong without. It seems like a borderline gimmick to me, if I’m being honest. That said, minus that small thing, this is an excellent opening-line hook.
“brightly lit” should be hyphenated in this case
“sound immediately damaging the calm of the room” I’m not sure “damaging” is an effective word here. Can calm be damaged? Damage implies destruction to whatever degree. It seems like there is a range of calm, to which end it becomes a subjective term. Calm, or in the case you’re using it “silence,” is also the absence of sound, in which case it cannot be damaged, but replaced. Or, saying the room was filled or even saturated by the ripping guitar chords might be more appropriate. Just something to think on.
Watch the “ly” adverbs, or just simply overusing adverbs. “fully wakeful” and “instantly alert”—the fully and instantly are unnecessary. The context infers that the MC is alert instantly (as opposed to gradually), and the fact that you add that after the “wakeful” part implies that he is “fully” awake, so you really only need to say that he was awake and alert. Or, even better, you could show the reader this rather than telling him/her about it.
What is a jagged shadow? I’m not seeing this image. A strong image should be simple and easy to see so that the reader does not have to think about it much. It should enhance the story, not distract.
I’m curious, if the TV is reporting the news to “no one,” why is it so important to describe what’s on it in such detail? Or is this meant to be omniscient foreshadowing?
Might want to take a look at your use of some of the punctuation—especially semicolons. They’re not always used correctly. Semicolons are generally used to separate connecting, but distinct independent clauses. They are also commonly used in lists following a colon. “…the notes that had poured sharply into his room, like jagged shadows piercing an already forgotten (already forgotten should be hyphenated, btw) dream” is not an independent clause. Therefore, the separation should be a comma, not a semicolon. Another example: “He turned to the window; staring out at nothing…” Staring out at nothing is a subordinate clause, not an independent one, so a semicolon is not appropriate here. A coma is the correct punctuation.
Read the next chapter, as well, and I have to say, I love your writing style. This story is intriguing and unique and you’re a master at telling it. My biggest suggestions are common things, but I’ve noted some examples above. The punctuation ought to be cleaned up, but that’s just editing. Also, be careful with your imagery. Some of it is fantastic. Some of it is peculiar and can serve as a stumbling block for the reader on occasion. But those are small things, really. I’ll gladly give this some support on my shelf this month as you push to stay on the desk. I’d be interested in reading HC’s thoughts on it, as it seems very publishable (not that I know much about the publishing world).
Best of luck!
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

I love the fresh take on angels and music. I'm put in mind of a darker version of Emma Bull's WAR FOR THE OAKS.

The writing is well done, though do watch the adverbs. There are at least 4 in the second paragraph and not all are necessary. "Although now fully awake and instantly alert" would work better as "Now awake and alert".

I love the three POVs converging towards the story, but I would like a greater sense of that main story within the first few chapters. From the description it sounds like we are getting mainly 18 year old Sandy's POV, so I was confused when that was not the case. I think I'd also like a greater sense of what's at stake (i.e. stopping the End of Days) from at least one character right from the beginning.

I love the male-centric POV. There's not enough of that in urban fantasy. But I would like to see the story more woman-friendly. Maybe Jackie could have a better motivation than simply being a man-hater? Also, I'd like a stronger sense of all the characters internal goal/motivation/conflict.

Best of luck with it!

I really like your work. It is original, observant and a little zany. Brilliant!

This is a thoroughly engaging and well-written work and though the supernatural elements haven’t kicked in, yet, as far as I’ve read, the build-up has all the quality and promise of a good X-Files episode; and that, from me, is high praise. I love the three interwoven stories and can’t wait to see where it goes. I want this to be available in the iBook store and on Kindle, so I can pay for something that seems too good for anyone to be reading it for free. I have so many things to read, I have to apologize for breaking off. But “The Angel Chord”—perhaps reminiscent of Scriabin’s “Prometheus (or mystic) chord” (C-F#-Bb-E-A-D) or of Strauss’s “Elektra Chord” (C#-E#-G#-Db-F-Ab)—will remain on my list of works I’ve met on Authonomy to which I will assuredly return at my leisure.

Derek,
I can hardly say anything that hasn't already been said about this book. Your pitch is perfect. You have a unique and interesting premise. Your writing flows very well. I wanted more chapters than you gave! It is on a well deserved trip to the Editor's Desk!
I am delighted to back this book.
All the best.
Cass
Midnight Radio

It has been a long time since I've read a thriller sci fi book that has captivated my interest the way your story has. Your first paragraph may be THE BEST opening I've read thus far. Can't wait to find out the damage this old man can do! And replace harps with guitars- simply brilliant.

A very original idea, and you have built up the tension well. I have read the first 3 chapters and they do draw one in. Your characters are very strong and their situations intriguing. Just one thing - when I read your longer pitch I felt confused by it and may not have continued - that may just be because it is not my usual read and I mentally 'switched off'. I am glad I did look further though as I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.
Good luck.

An enthralling story so far. I have awarded high stars and put "The Angel Chord" on my watchlist but you will probably be on the ED before I have space to add to my shelf. however I will keep an eye on this.Yours Bea

Read the first couple of chapters and commented a while ago, but seeing you're so close to the ED made me decide to come back for more! I've now read all 24 chapters and, safe to say, this is the kind of book I could see making it to publication. The idea is unique, fascinating and marketable to a range of audiences, and the writing style is pacy and gripping. You have a great setup for a superb thriller here and I look forward to buying it when it's published! Best of luck with the ED!
Emma

This is such a fresh, enigmatic and unique idea that I can really see this making it all the way- I can imagine picking it up in a book-store. It takes an age-old idea of angels and demons and manages to make it fresh and captivating, as though you were the first person to ever write about anything like it, which takes a special kind of story-teller.

I haven't read as much as I would like to, but its on my watchlist because I certainly plan to keep going.

I can't think of any constructive criticism to give you on the opening chapters- your writing is flawless and carries the reader through with consummate ease. You have a rare quality that separates the best writers from the rest, and its the ability to have completely your own style and voice and yet hook readers and carry them through the story as though they were telling it themselves.

I really hope this makes it to the ED, and I have every faith that it will.

All the best,

Jordan.

Derek, I'm new to the site and see by your ranking that you're not in need my rating, but I've got your book on my shelf and I promise to read more of it, as time permits. Gripping first couple of chapters. Your story is easy to picture, and I congratulate you on your success.
- C.A. Simonsen

Um...I feel as if I have been sitting in the dark voluntarily! Your book is awesome :) Yup, going on my shelf, and highly rated! Good luck hun!

Wow. This long chapter is a story in itself. Bringing the devil into it added intrigue. I look forward to seeing these early chapters knit into a novel.
Something to help clarity: when someone calls another person by name commas are required. e.g. 'I've left you some things Sandy' needs a comma before Sandy. In fact, you might be wise to get a 'comma expert' for the manuscript in general.

Having read all 24 chapters that you have uploaded, i was completely won over.
The Angel Chord has a wonderful unique premise which captivated me immediately.
The cast of characters are all well developed and very believeable and despite all the changes in perspective i never found myself being confused by the altering perspectives. None of them felt rushed or thrown together and nothing nothing irrelevant was included in the prose. It felt like every word was essential for the readers' understanding of the story. The changes in perspective built a sense of drama and intrigue and the length of the chapters ensured the pace was kept fast and gripping.
The prose is polished and the dialogue is crisp. Also although, although there are cliffhangers this device is never overused which is very refreshing.
My only criticism is that Liam's character has a scotish accent in some chapters and not in others which takes away from the continuity of the novel and the believeability of the character.
This aside, this a brilliant manuscript and its easy to see why it is heading for a spot on the editors' desk at the end of the month.
Congratulations on a great job.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck getting this published.
Highly starred and backed,
Amy :)

I have to agree with Antonius' comments, and only have one to add of my own. It would be easier to follow the story if it was written in the first person present tense.
'The old man sleeps in his favorite armchair for the last time. In the corner his TV reports the news to no one.' Just reads easier imo. Hope this helps.