Book Jacket

 

rank 5849
word count 105511
date submitted 06.12.2011
date updated 08.12.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Popular Culture,...
classification: moderate
complete

Fool's Dilemma

Carl Anders

There are plenty of skeletons in Detective Jim Byrne’s closet, but with the death of his underworld nemesis, those skeletons are about to start walking.

 

The funeral of Dublin crime boss Thomas Dent should have been the end to all of Jim’s woes, but nothing ever works out that easy in Jim’s life. In a matter of days Jim goes from investigating the savage murder of a young girl to being the unwitting fulcrum of the impending turf war over who controls Dublin’s crime.

Faced with either putting his career into a tailspin, forfeiting the few friends he has, being directly responsible for the murder and torture of others or opting for the old reliables of self pity and self preservation; what real choice does Jim have?

 
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tags

crime, detective, dublin, ireland, irish, murder

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Popular television and popular film would lead you to believe that one hit and the guy was unconscious and he just passes out. In fairness one good hit can put someone down, but its more likely that the one hit is just as likely to kill them than knock them out. In truth, a hit to the side of the head with a baseball bat is more likely to just make some throw up. Thing is, while theyre disorientated after puking you can hit them again to knock them out. Or hit them several times, and kick them as well. Maybe stamp on their nuts all while theyre unconscious, Its all good.

Jeff proved a true neighbour and he jumped over the fence and helped me with the guy. I finally managed to find the right key and I headed in to get the spare cuffs in the kitchen and some tape. As we tied up the guy Jeff got a sudden thought, Isnt this illegal?

Would I involve you in anything illegal?

No comment.

Good to see you have complete faith in me. Jeff the guys waited outside my house for the last four hours. When that failed he vaulted over several fences to come and meet me in my garden. Does that sound like the actions of a man who himself lives by our legal system.

No, but whatever happens, keep me out of it right?

I cant, your prints are on the bat, Ill have to involve you.

You fucki…”

Joke, Jeff. Joke. Help me in the house with him and then you can go, and your involvement will never be mentioned.

 

Car guy is in my kitchen, where else was I to put him seeing as he was covered in puke? It was more effort to lift the big bastard than me and Jeff would admit to each other. Again from what wed have seen on the screen an unconscious person may be out for a significant amount of time, but more often than not the person is only out just long enough for you to leg it, or to get cuffs on. So hes been awake in my kitchen while I went up and showered and changed my clothes.

Time to face car guy. I take the tape off his mouth.

I have to tell you, I say taking out my Garda ID and showing him, that youve just trespassed on the grounds of a member of An Garda Síochána. That you trespassed with obvious menace and it was my personal interpretation of the events that my life and or safety were in danger so I had to use immediate reasonable force to control the situation. Is that clear?

He nods.

And if you dont satisfy me with your answers to my questions I will call this in. I will be completely in the clear and you will get even more shit kicked out of you by most of the members of Dublins force. Is that clear?

Another nod.

Now what was so important that you had to wait outside my house and then had to come running over the back to get me?

I was told that I wasnt to leave until Id spoken to you.

Just because he was from the North, it didnt mean I should be jumping to any conclusions.

Admittedly in my time as a guard, more so my time at the NBCI, weve had cause to bust up a few gang operations throughout the State that were clearly linked to Paramilitary Operations. But we only ever got to prosecute the local cell, we never got anyone higher up, so it was unlikely that Detective Jim Byrne threatened them enough to send someone down to sort him out. Still being half English half Irish, youre still a bit twitchy when faced with a Northern accent as youre not sure whether youll be screwed no matter which allegiances you state you have.

Who told you?

If you come with me youll see.

Sure, Im that stupid, give me a minute while I get my coat will you.

Instead with him prostrate on the ground I go through his pockets and get out his mobile phone. Its one of those oyster shell picture phones with over complicated menus, so it takes a while to find the call register. In it the last dialled and last received numbers are the same at regular half hour intervals from two onwards, Ray. Ray? Nah, it cant be, Dont tell me you work for bleeding Ray Cunningham?

Im not saying anything.

You dont have to, hell say it himself. 

With some contorting and posing I manage to take a picture of me sat on top of the car guy. Possibly with more effort I find a way to text it to the mobile number of Ray. Now we just wait.

 

Its what: one minute, two tops before the car guys phone starts to light up and some tinny version of love is all around starts to play. Would you look at the big tough guy eh? I say as the car guy cringes at the tune. Lit up on the screen are the words Ray calling so I answer.

Byrne? says Ray.

Cunningham?

Shit.

Well, well. Now what would Thomas Dents main competitor be wanting with me?

Just a chat.

Then lets have one.

Not here and not on the phone.

No, itll be here and itll be on the phone as youve two chances of getting me to meet up with you. Slim and fat.

I dont do phones. We can do somewhere neutral and somewhere open if you want.

Why so paranoid Ray? You barely even register on our wanted list, weve kids stealing their mums fags who are more of a priority than you.

Times have changed Byrne. Thats why I need a word.

And you couldnt pop around yourself? You thought a northie goon would be enough to scare me into coming along to you.

Maybe I underestimated you. I heard youd gone soft since Dent died.

You heard wrong, and youve a picture to prove it.

So we can talk.

Ill think about it.

Let me know when youre ready.

Sure.

Oh and Byrne, let the big guy go, theres a good chap.

 

Once Im back on my own, its easier to put things into perspective. Ray Cunningham may have been the closest Thomas Dent had to a rival, but believe me there was a huge drop off between the two. Ray Cunningham was pure small time, but it does appear he could be what the Northern Gangs were waiting for. Now with a puppet in place they can come in and fully control the vast majority of organised crime in Dublin.

Thomas may well have been the one guy I was always desperate to bring down, but he kept the crime local and within the city. Ray though. Well Ray could never match Thomas for muscle or organisation. Instead he was stuck with some drug dealing, probably with help from the North, and some car crime. Though the cars were only whatever he could get off the scangers who nicked them, we are talking more along the lines of selling nicked Micras and 1990 Almeras to non-nationals rather than shipping brand new Land Cruisers off to Nigeria.

Its likely that the Northern Gangs were just waiting for Thomas to drop dead, and they already had Ray lined up to give their backing to. Not that they were always that patient, over the years there had been numerous, almost annual, attempts on Thomas life, so much so that he more or less became a recluse in his heavily fortified Malahide Mansion. About two years ago it got out he was suffering with cancer and there were no more assassination attempts.

And now Ray wanted a word with me. Could be interesting. Why me though?

 

Chapters

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4

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Su Dan wrote 533 days ago

a true and honest piece===original style. you take us on the journey with great skill and keep us interested...
backed...
read SEASONS...

Warrick Mayes wrote 535 days ago

Carl,

A most interesting and delightful read.
I love the main character, his grumpy and resentful manner and the way he tells the story.

There is also plenty of humour, dry and gritty.

I did find one small error: "...who should employee these cranks on a full time basis." I think you meant "employ" rather than "employee", but very difficult to spot when you have to read it back.

This will get a high rating from me, and go on my watch-list

Best regards
Warrick

Sheilab wrote 535 days ago

Hi Carl
Comments so far. Love the pitch - long and short blurbs are great and absoultely made me want to read on. Have only read Ch1 so far (am at work right now). Here's my feedback on that. As always, take what you like and dump the rest.
Great voice. You write very well and Jim is a credible and interesting character. Funeral scene is perfectly written. Great characterisation all round and excellent observation of how we like to bury our dead in Ireland! Loved the line about sending the concrete. You set the scene brilliant. We know Dent is an evil bastard, we know Jim is glad to see him dead and buried and we're drawn along with a fine narrative.
A few editing things:
'with faces that would, and do fill mug shot books.' Think you need an extra comma after 'do'
'My standards and tastes though tend...' should be '...and tastes, though, tend...'
'Nurses' should be 'nurses'
There's probably more but that's all I picked up on.
Anything else? Hmm.. you may not want to overplay the Celtic Tiger setting - this will quickly date your novel and, possibly, make it harder to sell to publishers.
Overall, though, I bloody loved this and will be back to read more. Once I've done that, I'll be adding you to my shelf.
Sheila

Fred Le Grand wrote 535 days ago

Hi,
I like this. The MC's voice comes through strong and clear.
At each bit of dialogue, you need to ask yourself, 'Would he say this?'
The detective doing the interview might say some of the things but it is a little OTT. Depends on if you want stagey realism or realism. The bit about not interested in football may be a bit OTT.
The other thing is - would they really admit him to hospital for the story he's telling? In A&E they would probably check him physically and if he's OK discharge him with a psychiatric out-patient appointment. Maybe he'd be better in the cells? If he's confused but totally OK physically then they might thinks it's drugs?
One way to examine dialogue it is to convert it to third person and look at what is said. You may be overdoing the tersness a bit. But it's marginal.
You could also create the scenes a little better by adding a touch more descriptive prose, without changing the pace. Set the scene a bit better - smells sights and sounds. I don't mean make it BORING just a faint light brush.
You can write well and the dialogue is good too.
None of this detracts from the story because your MC has a strong voice and the pace is good.
Take all this with a barrel of salt - I'm only an amateur myself.
Backed this because I think it has a lot of promise.
BTW even if you're tempted to comment on my comment, don't put it here - send a message instead as most people don't return to the book's comments later and won't see what you've written.
Good luck with it.

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