Book Jacket

 

rank 5849
word count 105511
date submitted 06.12.2011
date updated 08.12.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Popular Culture,...
classification: moderate
complete

Fool's Dilemma

Carl Anders

There are plenty of skeletons in Detective Jim Byrne’s closet, but with the death of his underworld nemesis, those skeletons are about to start walking.

 

The funeral of Dublin crime boss Thomas Dent should have been the end to all of Jim’s woes, but nothing ever works out that easy in Jim’s life. In a matter of days Jim goes from investigating the savage murder of a young girl to being the unwitting fulcrum of the impending turf war over who controls Dublin’s crime.

Faced with either putting his career into a tailspin, forfeiting the few friends he has, being directly responsible for the murder and torture of others or opting for the old reliables of self pity and self preservation; what real choice does Jim have?

 
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tags

crime, detective, dublin, ireland, irish, murder

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4 comments

 

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Chapters

11

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Eleven

A phone call at night. At home. A dinner interrupted. A number recognised.

Maura

Hi.

Whats up?

Nothing. Bored. Just went through my contacts in my phone and thought Id call.

Sure, sounds reasonable. I do it all the time.

Stop it. I do it all the time when Im bored. Sometimes I see a name I havent spoken to in ages so I call them.

We only spoke the other day.

Jesus youre tough going. Ask me how my day was or something.

How was your day Maura

Alright usual grief you know.

Maura I dont even know what you do for a living, usual what?

Ah yeah, forgot we just talked about your mental state. Get ready, Im a lawyer.

Youre joking. I was right.

Shut up, not a criminal lawyer a copyright lawyer. Different stuff, branching out into music rights and that. Get to be there when these young artists sign their lives away to corporate media giants and I get my cut of the pound of flesh.

Ibutlook Ill be honest. I havent a clue how to deal with this conversation.

I know, youre brutal, thats why Im winding you up. Ok then Ill let you by me that drink.

I cant. And before you ask you know why.

The family again. So what? Im bored and I fancy having a chat. I havent seen you for nearly fifteen years. Weve got all the my uncle was a psychotic criminal mastermind out the way, now how about the sum total of the other fifteen years? I can come round, get a taxi like.

Maura is this wise? I mean what did we know of each other those few times I came round the house? Nothing other than me getting a greater knowledge of where your cousins kept their porno stash.

Well figure that out when I get round.

The place is a kip.

Tough. Im outside.

 

These things are tough. I mean eventually the conversation was grand, it flowed and I was even wittysometimes. But what else do you do? Have music on as you sit and talk? If so what music do you put on? Try picking something with no notice whatsoever, with no discussion on what she actually might like. Just straightforward pick an album at random that isnt intrusive, doesnt contain any romantic overtures and can fill the gaps in conversation without any real awkwardness. So I just left the telly on low.

 

Gaps in lives filled, fifteen years worth of what shes been up to and my life summarised in bullet points:

#Moved from garda to detective

#Stayed detective

#Stayed detective

#Still detective

 

But after all, its company. Its how I should be. Not necessarily always with female company, just social. Occasionally.

 

So hes psychic?

Too much wine in me. Im spilling out too much information just to keep the conversation going. Just so its not only her doing the talking. Maura is sat on the armchair thats next to the couch Im on. Shes sitting with her legs curled up and she actually looks both comfortable and like shes interested.

Not even remotely.

Ha Ha. I like it. Remote viewingget it?

Yeah but it isnt even funny.

Oh shut up. Carry on.

Which?

What?

Shut up or carry on?

Just do it.

No I dont think he is psychic. But then I dont know what else is going on. I like the kid and but there may be others to like for the crimes.

It's an explanation at least. How do you explain it?

I dont and thats the best position. Ive never come across a situation yet where it isnt the case that its better to have no explanation than a bad explanation.

So its him.

Yeah. Ill arrest him tomorrow.

See that you do.

Speaking of which, its past two.

Yeah I know, Its Friday tonight, no school tomorrow remember.

For normal people that arent involved in a murder investigation. Ive got to be up in about few hours.

Yeah thats unfortunate.

 

We called a taxi, she left. On my way to bed I did wonder, but decided I wouldnt even bother wondering. One as I was knackered and just needed sleep and two it wouldnt get me anywhere.

 

Its night. Im deep into my circadian rhythm and the phone rings.

I know its late Mr Byrne, but now seems a good time to talk.

Jesus Christ, who the fuck is this?

Danny.

Danny? Who the fuck is Danny?

Danny Dent, Mr Byrne. Thomas boy.

Danny I'm hanging up, we are not having a conversation.

Mr Byrne. If we know Maura's not long after leaving your place, who else do you think knows?

Its four in the morning and you want youre asking me a question for a table quiz? Ive sworn enough for this hour of the morning. So Ill spare the unpleasantries and just hang up if you dont get to the point.

What we know is Cunningham and his new pals. What we dont know is what he wants with you. And that's making us nervous. Now you're having Maura over for romantic dinners.  Should we be worried Mr Byrne?"

Is it just me or this whole thing making no sense. I mean, sure Im tired. Its my zombie zone, torturers, policeman and telephone marketers know this is the perfect period of sleep to wake you and get what they want out of you.

Dent. One last chance. What is it you want.

We dont know what Cunningham is going to do next. Thats what worries us. We should know. He should be planning, getting people ready. Wed know, we could plan ourselves.

But?

But, seeing as we dont know it means its a problem.

What? Couldnt it just mean that hes not planning anything?

Then wed hear that. Wed hear that he was sitting on it. Were not hearing anything and that means this is being taken out of Cunninghams hands. Mr Byrne, I think youre in trouble.

Only because my hearts about to pack in after being woken up. What has my safety got to do with you?

More than you know.

Shut up and listen. I have nothing to do with your family. Thomas is dead and all due respect to you Danny, but good bloody riddance I say. One less psychopathic bastard off the streets. But guess what? Files are still open. The Dents are still on my books. This call does not help that situation one bit.

Mr Byrne. If we know stuff about Cunningham, he sure as hell knows most of whats going on with us. Therefore, if I know Maura was just at your place you can bloody well bet he does too. Now do you understand?

Aye.

You never know Mr Byrne, he actually might be that stupid that he will come after you. Unfortunately I have to give him the benefit of the doubt that he isnt that stupid and credit him with some sense.

If you were him would you go for Maura?

Off the record. Yes.

Then help Maura and leave me alone.

Maura wont take any help off us Mr Byrne.

Then she wont listen to me either. Get to the point.

Let us help you. Well take care of Cunningham for you.

No can do Danny. This is never going to be on the cards. You and your brother sit down and think of something else to do.

And Maura.

You tell her. You tell her what company you keep and what youve got her into.

You know, it doesnt look good for either of us you seeing Maura.

Two drinks is catching up, not seeing someone. You sort it out. You dont come near me again, unless its to give yourselves in. I do not want to hear from you again.

 

Chapters

11

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Su Dan wrote 533 days ago

a true and honest piece===original style. you take us on the journey with great skill and keep us interested...
backed...
read SEASONS...

Warrick Mayes wrote 535 days ago

Carl,

A most interesting and delightful read.
I love the main character, his grumpy and resentful manner and the way he tells the story.

There is also plenty of humour, dry and gritty.

I did find one small error: "...who should employee these cranks on a full time basis." I think you meant "employ" rather than "employee", but very difficult to spot when you have to read it back.

This will get a high rating from me, and go on my watch-list

Best regards
Warrick

Sheilab wrote 535 days ago

Hi Carl
Comments so far. Love the pitch - long and short blurbs are great and absoultely made me want to read on. Have only read Ch1 so far (am at work right now). Here's my feedback on that. As always, take what you like and dump the rest.
Great voice. You write very well and Jim is a credible and interesting character. Funeral scene is perfectly written. Great characterisation all round and excellent observation of how we like to bury our dead in Ireland! Loved the line about sending the concrete. You set the scene brilliant. We know Dent is an evil bastard, we know Jim is glad to see him dead and buried and we're drawn along with a fine narrative.
A few editing things:
'with faces that would, and do fill mug shot books.' Think you need an extra comma after 'do'
'My standards and tastes though tend...' should be '...and tastes, though, tend...'
'Nurses' should be 'nurses'
There's probably more but that's all I picked up on.
Anything else? Hmm.. you may not want to overplay the Celtic Tiger setting - this will quickly date your novel and, possibly, make it harder to sell to publishers.
Overall, though, I bloody loved this and will be back to read more. Once I've done that, I'll be adding you to my shelf.
Sheila

Fred Le Grand wrote 535 days ago

Hi,
I like this. The MC's voice comes through strong and clear.
At each bit of dialogue, you need to ask yourself, 'Would he say this?'
The detective doing the interview might say some of the things but it is a little OTT. Depends on if you want stagey realism or realism. The bit about not interested in football may be a bit OTT.
The other thing is - would they really admit him to hospital for the story he's telling? In A&E they would probably check him physically and if he's OK discharge him with a psychiatric out-patient appointment. Maybe he'd be better in the cells? If he's confused but totally OK physically then they might thinks it's drugs?
One way to examine dialogue it is to convert it to third person and look at what is said. You may be overdoing the tersness a bit. But it's marginal.
You could also create the scenes a little better by adding a touch more descriptive prose, without changing the pace. Set the scene a bit better - smells sights and sounds. I don't mean make it BORING just a faint light brush.
You can write well and the dialogue is good too.
None of this detracts from the story because your MC has a strong voice and the pace is good.
Take all this with a barrel of salt - I'm only an amateur myself.
Backed this because I think it has a lot of promise.
BTW even if you're tempted to comment on my comment, don't put it here - send a message instead as most people don't return to the book's comments later and won't see what you've written.
Good luck with it.

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