Book Jacket

 

rank 5842
word count 105511
date submitted 06.12.2011
date updated 08.12.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Popular Culture,...
classification: moderate
complete

Fool's Dilemma

Carl Anders

There are plenty of skeletons in Detective Jim Byrne’s closet, but with the death of his underworld nemesis, those skeletons are about to start walking.

 

The funeral of Dublin crime boss Thomas Dent should have been the end to all of Jim’s woes, but nothing ever works out that easy in Jim’s life. In a matter of days Jim goes from investigating the savage murder of a young girl to being the unwitting fulcrum of the impending turf war over who controls Dublin’s crime.

Faced with either putting his career into a tailspin, forfeiting the few friends he has, being directly responsible for the murder and torture of others or opting for the old reliables of self pity and self preservation; what real choice does Jim have?

 
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tags

crime, detective, dublin, ireland, irish, murder

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4 comments

 

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Chapters

27

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Twenty-Seven

Cunningham gives as much information as he can on what shipments are coming in or out of the state. Theres a big shipment of drugs and guns all in the same truck coming up from Wexford and through to Derry tomorrow. Seems ideal. Cunningham was too willing to help, I told him what it meant to be bait, but he didnt seem to understand the concept.

Bait, I say, as in the worm on a hook. The thing that gets eaten by the fish before it gets caught. The angler gets the fish, but the fish still gets the worm.

But youre going to have people there.

We will.

So theyll go in before anything happens.

Only if they have enough information.

What?

If Kenny says enough that we can get him, then fine well move in. If not, there might be a temptation to wait see if he tries something on you. Get him for something.

But youll be in before its anything serious.

Ray, I wont lie. This whole thing is full of holes and ill thought out. Well only have a couple of days to plan and in all that time we have to get the Dents to be interested enough to interrupt the delivery. Weve got to be convincing enough that when you get out, it doesnt look like youve been feeding us information for the last while and weve got to be able to get enough security around you trying to get Kenny to confess all his sins to a tape hopefully before he tries to kill you.

I see.

I dont think you do. Ray when youre in with Kenny, if it's going wrong then you just make your excuses and leave. Dont be pestering him for information, just play it like you always did when you met.

That might be a problem.

Why?

Weve never actually met. I only met his lads face-to-face and spoke to him on the phone.

Ray. This is a problem.

What are my options?

Right now. I dont see any for you.

 

We have colleges full of kids, engineers who can build roads, buildings and microprocessors, yet not one of them has sat in that Dublin drizzle that is a light yet totally saturating spray, in their cars and thought to themselves that out of the fifteen settings they have for these pivoting blades, not one seems to be of any use for Irish rain. Clever generation we have there.

Ive spent the last half an hour fiddling with the settings trying to stop the piercing screech at it clears the mildly damp windscreen. All this while deciding on how now to proceed after Id spoken to the Dents. They thought I was joking. I wished I was. They said it would be signing their death warrants. I said I know. They said what cover would they have. I said none. They said to fuck off. I said I cant.

In the end I could only give personal guarantees. My own word that Id look after them. My own promise that Id keep them safe. If they did it and the plan came off, wed have Kenny, theyd have nothing to worry about. If it didnt, wed get Kenny together. Way to go Jim.

 

I head home and phone Maura. She makes it clear shes not talking to me by telling me she isnt talking to me. I say I can take a hint, but I say it to a dial tone.

 

Chapters

27

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Su Dan wrote 531 days ago

a true and honest piece===original style. you take us on the journey with great skill and keep us interested...
backed...
read SEASONS...

Warrick Mayes wrote 533 days ago

Carl,

A most interesting and delightful read.
I love the main character, his grumpy and resentful manner and the way he tells the story.

There is also plenty of humour, dry and gritty.

I did find one small error: "...who should employee these cranks on a full time basis." I think you meant "employ" rather than "employee", but very difficult to spot when you have to read it back.

This will get a high rating from me, and go on my watch-list

Best regards
Warrick

Sheilab wrote 533 days ago

Hi Carl
Comments so far. Love the pitch - long and short blurbs are great and absoultely made me want to read on. Have only read Ch1 so far (am at work right now). Here's my feedback on that. As always, take what you like and dump the rest.
Great voice. You write very well and Jim is a credible and interesting character. Funeral scene is perfectly written. Great characterisation all round and excellent observation of how we like to bury our dead in Ireland! Loved the line about sending the concrete. You set the scene brilliant. We know Dent is an evil bastard, we know Jim is glad to see him dead and buried and we're drawn along with a fine narrative.
A few editing things:
'with faces that would, and do fill mug shot books.' Think you need an extra comma after 'do'
'My standards and tastes though tend...' should be '...and tastes, though, tend...'
'Nurses' should be 'nurses'
There's probably more but that's all I picked up on.
Anything else? Hmm.. you may not want to overplay the Celtic Tiger setting - this will quickly date your novel and, possibly, make it harder to sell to publishers.
Overall, though, I bloody loved this and will be back to read more. Once I've done that, I'll be adding you to my shelf.
Sheila

Fred Le Grand wrote 533 days ago

Hi,
I like this. The MC's voice comes through strong and clear.
At each bit of dialogue, you need to ask yourself, 'Would he say this?'
The detective doing the interview might say some of the things but it is a little OTT. Depends on if you want stagey realism or realism. The bit about not interested in football may be a bit OTT.
The other thing is - would they really admit him to hospital for the story he's telling? In A&E they would probably check him physically and if he's OK discharge him with a psychiatric out-patient appointment. Maybe he'd be better in the cells? If he's confused but totally OK physically then they might thinks it's drugs?
One way to examine dialogue it is to convert it to third person and look at what is said. You may be overdoing the tersness a bit. But it's marginal.
You could also create the scenes a little better by adding a touch more descriptive prose, without changing the pace. Set the scene a bit better - smells sights and sounds. I don't mean make it BORING just a faint light brush.
You can write well and the dialogue is good too.
None of this detracts from the story because your MC has a strong voice and the pace is good.
Take all this with a barrel of salt - I'm only an amateur myself.
Backed this because I think it has a lot of promise.
BTW even if you're tempted to comment on my comment, don't put it here - send a message instead as most people don't return to the book's comments later and won't see what you've written.
Good luck with it.

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