Realms of the Earth

Very unquie storyline and writing style. Good Job.. Rated 6 stars. Regards, Chipper Newman

AGC,

I appreciate your enthusiasm for the story and the six stars. The story was already written, but had to be placed in a better order, as you and another reviewer suggested.
Remember when you stated before--that the dialogue didn't start until chapter 16 or so? That's what's in chapter one now. Chapter two starts just the same. Only the dialogue with Hensley mother and TeJara are added, and TeJara's foreshadows something already written to appear later, so it was easy to come up with this exchange.
The changes have been more a matter of rearranging so the history isn't as overwhelming as you'd suggested you found it. Of course, I had to agree and had already thought so or wouldn't have changed anything.
I'd let this story sit for a good long time once I got bogged down. It's something I'm finding more and more to be a valuable way of getting a fresh perspective. The other, of course, is to get good feedback from an insightful reader, so I sincerely thank you.
In the book I'm creating there is a Lucinda Calligraphy font for the chapters and the headings of Hensley's writings of the Historical Eras. Very astute of you, and reinforcing for me that I'm on the right track. Now for a better cover...maybe. This one has a more mountainous view on the back and I'd prefer it on the front. I don't know yet if I can reverse it, but will try. I'm not into professionally prepared covers yet. I'm seriously operating on a shoestring right now.
As for changing words...it's an interesting idea I've also considered. I have parchment instead of paper already, and described his pen as wooden with a choice of points-I don't like "writing utensil" or any such, and want to avoid current "foreign" words, ie French, Spanish, German, etc.
If there is a dictionary or source of "English" words considered antiquated or no longer in use, that will be my source. I already have at least one such word and would like more. Apartment could be changed, but cheese, bread and wine are staples. Maybe an exotic term could be added as we use to distinguish the difference between each of them today. I don't want to get too far out there. I want readers to be able to associate with something they know.
I already have Navajo and Lakhota (American Indian tribes) and India's yogic words. Such are those that come from and will be (in the story) part of each of those realms' remnants who settle on the earth to teach them to the people connected to their realms already there (once they are there), as well as those who relocated from the realms to those earthy sites. Thus, none of the aforementioned "foreign" words that didn't exist before Babel, until later on in the story when on the earth.
Because Hensley's realm is in the heart of what will be the UK, and At'lanne near what will be Greece, only the "old" words could apply to fit comfortably within the story. Others may be from pre-dynastic Egypt, Hebrew, Chaldean, whatever I can find of China's ancient lore, etc. But, even when their words are used, it will only be in reference to some "thing" and suggest that it came from a realm prior to the earthly version.
The study of the Pangaea supercontinent (Pangaia in the story) and its subsequent breakup is essential to the story as is the formation of the earth. If you found the mention of Gaia interesting then read of the Guardian. You may realize that the earth is a main character in this story.
Due to the length of earth's history, the realms will not change as fast as the life on the surface. Subsequently there will be or appear to be jumps in time. Otherwise the book would be too thick to carry around. A character from Hensley's later time, for instance, will continue in an earth time and the transition will be fascinating to read. Once on earth, out of contact with their realm, life will be different and arduous...their "powers" will be muted, etc.
I will insist this story be called a historical fantasy, unless there is another term for a fantasy set in earth's past. It will only reach forward to a time a few hundred years ago before ending. It is the prequel to a contemporary fantasy...Where the Horses Run, in trilogy (written but the last not finished), and an apocalyptic future in Countenance of Shaddaii (only started, not really written).
The realm(s) that survive the prequel will have meaning in the next three, and possibly return in the last in a new form...all those things you mentioned in your third paragraph will come up.
It has been, and will continue to be, an arduous journey for me as well as the characters. I have confidence, given enough time and resources, I can pull it off.
Thanks for your insightful assistance. I promise even if this story isn't longer than this one prequel you will have a lot to go deep into. All those mentioned above will continue in a future reported by a child's diary sent back in time as a warning in Meshyah's World.

Sincerely,
Judith

Dear Judith,

Here are my fresh thoughts on THE REALMS OF THE EARTH.

The long pitch is much better now. But, I’d be careful about using the last four questions and the very last sentence where you address the reader directly. Since this is a work of fiction and essentially a story, it’s better not to hint at those implications and let the reader draw his/her own inference. Similarly, the short pitch would also read much better without the comparison.

Reading on, I found the writing to be much more lucid. And I was able to place the settings in perspective without much difficulty. Although, certain things will need to be changed, e.g. words like apartment, soft cheese, hard bread, red wine, pen, paper, etc. are too ordinary, given the surreal nature of your story. A reader like me will have a tendency to look for more exotic things at every opportunity. You’ve certainly restructured the narrative as you’ve introduced a couple of characters early and I found some nice dialogue and interesting interactions too. That’s very good as it imparts the right rhythm and balance to your story.

Chapter two. I loved the very first sentence. I can’t remember whether it was there before or it’s a new addition. ‘One within Many’ – this has so many wonderful implications and can be explained in so many different ways, religious, philosophical, and spiritual. The Seven Governors are obviously seven planets and the reference to Gaia has added a new angle to the story. I hope you plan to build on it in later chapters. Also, since you’ve used rich text, why don’t you try using a different font like Freestyle or Lucida whenever you’re offering us glimpses into Hensley’s written records? That’ll have better effect. As noted earlier, this is certainly a unique book. And, from the way it’s written, I’ll surely read it till the end, and then ask you for more.

6 STARS FOR NOW.

Best regards,
AGC

Hi Judith

Read through to chapter seven and I have to say I'd echo many of the comments of A G Chaudhuri. There's a lot of history to take in in the first few chapters, too much I feel, broken up only by brief interludes of Hensley's musings as he's about to write. I see that the dialougue doesn't start till around chapter fifteen/sixteen. My recomendation would be to introduce the character interaction/story much earlier and then drop in the history bit by bit as it's needed. Also I'm not sure if both a prelude and an excerpt from a prelude are necesary to start of with. Could one of them be saved till later?

This reminds me off Tolkiens Silmarillion, which I have to confess I only got a small way into, though some people loved it. As Chaudhuri says, the story as it stands will probably split readers in the same way, and appeal to only a small niche.

On a brighter note you definetely have the knack for creating a rich, deep history for your world. I particuarly liked the description of the tumultuous way in which the world forms, comets bombarding it and volcanic activity taking place on it. I did find some of your sentances too long, but you do otherwise have a good way with words and description.

Hope that helps

Tom

Dear Judith,

‘The Realms of Earth’ is a thought provoking read. It is by no means a light read and needs careful attention and almost a meditative state of mind to appreciate its true merit. Your writing needs some getting used to, as initially, I had some problems with the long and rather convoluted sentences. But once I settled into the narrative, I discovered a very interesting tale told in an equally unique manner – through the words of a fictitious scribe. This is definitely not the usual stuff that’s found on this site and being the first one to comment, I’ll feel privileged if my honest critique is able to further refine this remarkable piece of work.

The first line of the short pitch is fine, but the second line left me stranded as it did very little to incite my curiosity. Moving on to the long pitch, I found hints of an interesting story, but was repeatedly impeded by obscure references. Who are the Founders? What’s the Grand Council? What’s the Order of Matters? Etc. They were confusing and told me very little about the story itself.

You’ve attempted to explain the origins of aboriginal mythology and in effect delved into one of the most popular and favourite topics of contemporary pseudoscience. It reminds me of the works of Erich Von Daniken and Charles Berlitz. So,that brings me to an inconsistency. Your work can certainly be described as literary fiction, but historical fiction it’s not. It reads more like a fusion of speculative fiction and pure fantasy. Described as such, it’ll help readers see things in the right perspective.

Moving on, I found that the writing has the quality of non-fiction. Here lies the second inconsistency, because the content is pure fiction. You need to take a call here. If you wish to maintain this tone, then you’ll need to categorise this as non-fiction (maybe add speculative fiction as a tag word) and lose the Hensely angle completely. Or else, you must develop the story elements (characters, plot, settings, etc.) first and then drip feed the other information over the course of the narrative.

In its present shape, the story will appeal to a rather small niche, but rendered differently, it has every potential to gain mass appreciation and become a sensational hit overnight. Once again, think of Chariots of the Gods and the positive reception that it had received in its time. My rating: 5 stars. Hope you’ll find my views relevant and useful.

Best regards,
AGC