Book Jacket

 

rank 5846
word count 89105
date submitted 16.12.2011
date updated 09.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Romance
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Homecoming

Dougie McHale

The Homecoming encapsulates love, identity, self discovery and a quest to solve a mother's secret set against the backdrop of a Greek island.

 

Whilst training for the priesthood, Louis Satriani abandoned this world for a woman, Emma. Several years later and living in Edinburgh, he discovers that Emma is having an affair and becomes pregnant. Louis world is turned into an emotional spiral. He decides to visit a friend from his seminar days and inform him that he is going to travel through Greece which will afford him the opportunity to rediscover himself. The story of his friend's housekeeper intrigues Louis especially hearing of the baby she was forced to abandon at the age of 15 to an orphanage during the second world war. On the eve of his departure Emma is murdered by her lover, unaware, Louis begins his journey. He meets and is attracted to Maria, a tour guide. The setting moves to the island of Zakynyhos and as their intimacy grows the island weaves its spell on Louis in a voyage of love, loss and self discovery. He discovers and unfolds the layers of a secret that can only be resolved by a homecoming. The homecoming encapsulates love, identity and a quest to solve a families secret set against the backdrop of a Greek island.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

greece, loss, love, self discovery

on 3 watchlists

5 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

10

report abuse

 

 

She had taken this trip for two years now, every Saturday. Early in the morning, the

 

coach would pick up its cargo of tourists from Kalamaki and Argassi skirting the

 

coast and luminous sea and then sweep into the capital, Zakynthos Town and from

 

there by ferry to Kyllini on the Pelaponese, the south peninsula of Greece before an

 

hours drive to the town of Olympia and the site of the ancient games.

 

After a breakfast of toast and strong black coffee, she leisurely strolled down to the

 

centre of town and sat outside the office of the tour company she worked for.

 

Maria was always shrouded in a feeling of contentment at this hour of the day. The

 

vivacious heartbeat of the capital tamed by a somnolent veil, strangely quiet, still,

 

serene and over-whelming. The drone of a passing car invaded the silence, reminding

 

her that the calmness was not permanent but an evolving ambience as the capital

 

awoke from its sleep.

 

When the coach arrived, it stopped to collect Maria and then headed towards the far

 

side of the harbour to board the ferry. Peter had already finished the dawn shift as

 

he called it. This entailed an early rise before travelling the island in order to pick up

 

an assortment of passengers in time to catch the ferry to the mainland.

 

Peter was not the archetypical guide. He leaned towards his middle fifties and

 

cultivated yellow shoulder length hair that fell out of a Panama-styled straw hat

 

hugging his shoulders. He resonated a civilised, middle class Englishness expelling 

 

pleasant and charming mannerisms, that conveyed a mature, yet placid character. His

 

voice was soft, gentle but deliberate and when he spoke, to capture a certain mood or

 

illustration, he often produced a metaphor to colour his speech and emphasise his

 

meaning that amused but always held the attention of his audience

 

“Good morning Maria, I trust we are ready for our day of travel into antiquity” he

 

offered his hand to assist her in climbing the steps of the coach.

 

‘As always’ She smiled, accepting his offer and then settled in her seat. As the coach

 

steered its way towards the ferry he turned to face the passengers,

 

“Before we leave the capital and let it rub the sleep from its eyes may I draw your

 

attention to my hat” he touched the top of his hat, “I would be great full if you could

 

all pay particular attention to it as it will act as a beacon. When we reach Kellini and

 

disembark from the ferry I will raise my hat above my head and wave it for all to see

 

we can then all congregate, stay together, and hopefully all board the coach  safely.

 

crowded and busy at Kellini  will be busy and especially crowded and we are ruled by

 

the clock, therefore, I would appreciate if we can all try and stick together, thank you”

 

Even at this early hour the promenade was dancing to the varying rhythms of life, a

 

striking contrast, Maria thought, to the drowsiness that encapsulated the centre of

 

town. The coach crawled along the harbour wall towards a proliferation of coaches,

 

trucks, cars and the inevitable throng of  people .

 

The ferry  dwarfed its surroundings and the white brilliance of its exterior emitted and

 

emphasised its grandeur, like an opulent palace rising from the sea.  

 

Once on board, Maria climbed a flight of steps and emerged onto a spacious upper

 

deck. A watery sheet of glass reflected a perfect shimmering and placid

 

impression of the capital. Like her favourite painting, this view never failed to

 

impress her. The ferry trickled inexorably out of the harbour through the silver

 

morning light towards the vast panoramic expanse of the open sea as an azure oasis

 

capped the silhouetted steel grey hills that lay further inland behind the capital. As

 

it gathered speed, the ferry cut through the waves, as if they were ripples of melting

 

butter and gradually  Zakynthos Town shrank in size and Maria was struck, as she

 

always had been,  by the omnipresent sense of the sea.

 

From the open spaces of the deck she could feel the sun growing warm, scattering its

 

heat as the day rose from its  slumber.

 

Descending into the bowels of the ferry she went in search of coffee. She discovered a

 

concourse of people queuing for coffee, tea and snacks, sitting at tables in loud

 

conversations, or lying on seats that seemed to be functioning as communal beds.

 

In one corner, a television spurted out the familiar Saturday morning onslaught of

 

cartoons.

 

Like an island in a stormy sea Peters hat hovered, he was waving her over and

 

pointing to two newly acquired polystyrene cups of coffee.

 

He neatly folded The Times on the table in front of him, Maria sat down. To her

 

right two young women pampered a baby and she wondered which one

 

was the mother.

 

She pushed her sun glasses onto the crown of her head and took a sip of coffee.

 

“That’s better, thank you David”

 

“Your welcome my dear”   

 

David studied Maria and detecting a melancholy air asked, “What is it?  You looked

 

slightly troubled”

 

She looked up from her coffee. “Do you remember Angelini?”

 

Peter took a sip of coffee, “Yes I do, I remember that she worked as a tour guide

 

before having a baby. You were friends. Do you still keep in touch?”

 

“Yes, I see her often. In fact she is pregnant again”

 

Peter looked surprised.

 

“My word if I am not mistaking will this be her third child?”

 

“Yes, remember she fell pregnant straight after the first was born”

 

“That’s right, I do recall that her intention was to return too work. Not a planned birth

 

then.’

 

“She loves being a mother it suits her”

 

“It is her husband that is the problem he is not what you would call supportive. Most

 

nights he works at a disco in town as a bar man, anyway he has developed the habit of

 

staying out most nights after work  the temptations available are obviously, for him, to

 

strong to refuse.”

 

“If he loved his wife there would be no temptation in the first place”

 

“Exactly. Angelini has given him chance after chance to change, Each time he tells

 

her that he is sorry and it will never happen again but now it is not a secret every one

 

knows what is going on. She was tired of being treated like dirt so after weeks of

 

arguments and before there is nothing breakable left in the house she threw him out

 

and now she is on her own with two young children and another on its way”

 

Peter watched Maria as she spoke and for the hundredth time he wondered why she

 

had never found the right person.

 

Finally he asked, “How is she going to cope?”

 

Maria continued cradling her coffee cup and glanced at the two women with the baby.

 

A longing to touch it and smell it engulfed her. She suppressed the ache to cradle it in

 

her arms. She turned away and caught Peter looking at her.

 

“Angelini was beginning to make plans, she was starting to do things for herself,

 

feel a woman again and not just a mother. She once told me that she felt that her life

 

was just one endless roller coaster ride full of nappies and dirty dishes .”

 

“We make our own choices Maria and those choices decide the direction we travel

 

they  influence the aspects and details of our life so ultimately as adults we are

 

responsible.

 

There are good choices and bad ones ever choice is a leap of faith I hope Angelini’s

 

leap of faith brings her a happy reward”

 

She fingered the rim of her cup.

 

“That sounds grand and philosophical, I see it simpler than that life can sometimes

 

just be cruel and unfair, sadistic even”

 

“It certainly doesn’t distribute its riches equally”

 

“Why did you never marry?” she asked.

 

“Because I made the wrong choices”  and rising from his chair he winked as if to

 

prove  his point “Time to rally the troops” he continued, placing his hat on his head.

 

The Morea rose from the sea as the ferry sailed inexorably towards the coast. Maria

 

witnessed this on the upper deck along with a growing crowd, who sensing the

 

crossing was culminating, seemed eager to depart- willing Kyllini closer.

 

Two young boys accosted the attention of their parents by hauling at each arm and leg

 

in turn as their impending excitement exploded, like fireworks, as the view of an

 

ancient castle, that seemed carved out of the hill it crowned, grew in size and detail

 

with each passing minute.

 

As Kyllini drew near, a reverberant wave of activity ensued as passengers prepared to

 

go ashore. Maria heard the distinctive tones of Peters voice punctuate the air as he

 

answered an inquisitive couples question.

 

“Although small in size, its stature is of great importance in its relation to Zakynthos.

 

You see, a convoy of goods are daily transported by articulated vehicles that

 

continually cross the water, as do smaller modes of transport  carrying provisions and

 

other materials. Add to this the continual stream of people who use the Ferries, as

 

apart from flying, which is the only other form of transport to the mainland, it

 

therefore Kyllini could well be described as Zakynthos umbilical cord. And indeed

 

today, for our purpose she could be described as the gateway to the Pelaponeese and

 

finally Olympia itself” Peter emphasised his words with sweeping gestures.   

 

The couple nodded in unison, digesting each word, as if they were children and had

 

just been taught a lesson by their teacher. He performs best in front of an audience

 

Maria smiled.

 

The ferry slowly cleaved a path into Kallini’s small port. To the right sunbathers

 

speckled a beach as children played in the sea or made elaborate sand castles.

 

Marias attention was caught by a couple, husband and wife she thought, who

 

precariously navigating a crop of rocks that stretched out into the sea, like a finger.

 

With their arms out stretched to gain balance they seemed to be walking a tight rope, 

 

as they tentatively maneuvered over  black shinny rocks, that looked slippery

 

and wet from the spray of the waves.

 

As Maria observed them the woman sat on a large slab of rock, resting her bare arms

 

on her legs and clasping her hands together above her knees. The man walked further

 

on, slipping once, before turning and raised a camera to his eye and it is at that

 

moment that Maria became aware that  the woman was posing for a photograph. After

 

a few seconds the man turned from her and motionlessly stared into the sea,

 

reminding Maria of a statue, as white foamed waves crashed against the rocks, leaving

 

streams of sea water cascading over their surface like miniature waterfalls. Maria

 

rested her arms on the railing as the woman walked towards him, being careful not to

 

loose her balance with  precise movements. Strands of hair blew across her face.  He

 

handed her the camera and began to cautiously climb down towards the lapping

 

waves. She waited for him to find a suitable spot and then she crouched down, her t-

 

shirt flapping against her back, like a sail in the wind as she raised the camera.

 

Mara noted the colour of the sea, an electric blue shaded by patches of turquoise that

 

shimmered and undulating before melting and evolving into a striking aqua green.

 

Absorbed in the colour a minute passed. Her eyes slid over to the rocks where she

 

discovered that the couple had reached the safety of the flat sand.

 

He had wrapped an arm around his wife’s waist, the camera dangling from his free

 

hand. She too had placed her arm around his waist as if they were joined....inseparable

 

even.

 

The quay became a sponge into which everything seemed to be absorbed. People and 

 

traffic choked the limited space available. Maria and Peter stood next to their coach,

 

its engine purring like a contented cat, as they waited for their passengers who were

 

making their way towards them as Peter waved his hat above the  throng of activity

 

like an island in a hostile sea. Once a head count established that everyone was

 

accounted for the coach negotiated a maze of narrow streets,  progressing at a

 

crawling pace until it finally tasted the open space of the main road.

 

A shimmering tapestry littered with tomato and sweet corn fields greeted them as

 

an army of sprinklers nourished the crops.  On the left, a range of mountains

 

dominated the landscape reaching towards the sky like giant steps that ancient Greek

 

Gods would have used to visit the earth.

 

Peter instructed his captive audience that in winter the same mountains were coated in

 

snow and ideal for skiing  as he commenced to  paint a surreal image of men and

 

women climbing to their summits  with skiing equipment while outside the

 

the temperature would have sustained an arid desert.

 

Maria stared out of the window her eyes unable to acknowledge the passing

 

landscape.  She was deep within herself, under her skin, lost to the

 

outside world of tourists, day trips and Greek families trudging up snow

 

covered mountains. She had tried to bury the image of the baby she saw on the ferry

 

and the attention the two woman afforded it,  the couple on the rocks and then their

 

walk on the beach she attempted to  lay them aside like a finished meal, however their

 

was no waiter to take them away. Filling her time

 

with work, family and friends allowed a reprieve from  the pangs that now ate at her.

 

It was true that she could go days, even weeks when her thoughts would be free of the

 

pull that seemed to turn her inside out and then all of a sudden, a word, a picture in a

 

magazine, a T. V.  programme would be the catalyst responsible for opening the flood

 

gate of an out pouring of emotions would that consumed her. It was not lost on her

 

that she was not in a stable relationship with anyone, for that matter she was not in a

 

relationship full stop.         

 

At twenty eight, should she be torturing herself about such things? she was young, in

 

good shape, her figure attracted men, she was educated, my God, she concluded, at

 

twenty eight she was in her prime.

 

Gradually she floated back until the outside world and Peters voice pierced her

 

thoughts. “As the centuries past, the sands of time buried Olympia, however, the

 

knowledge of its location survived. Archaeologists opened a window of history, an

 

aperture tantalisingly full of possibilities, insight and discovery. The poverty of

 

man kinds visual examples of the ancient world was to be presented with a gift of

 

such magnitude it would forever enrich our perception of that time and civilisation.”

 

As always he held his audience spellbound, like a performer on stage, they hung on to

 

his every word. Maria had given up long ago in trying too match his rich and

 

colourful descriptions by accepting defeat gracefully and sticking to the more down to

 

earth, simplified language of your every day tour guide.

 

By now Peter was on a roll as he spoke into the microphone, “In such places one has

 

to summon awareness and imagination to paint the splendour and grandeur that the

 

vast sight of Olympia undoubtedly was” he waved his hat, like a conductors batten,

 

“This is not to say that what remains today is a poor man’s version, demeaning its

 

authenticity as a spectacle of the ancient world” He took out a white hanker chief

 

from the pocket of his trousers and dabbed his forehead, “On the contrary, a potent

 

ambience encompasses Olympia, intensifying and haunting, indeed it is almost

 

spiritual as if one has entered holy and hallowed ground. From the moment one enters

 

the site, the aura of culture is invigoratingly alive, it is palpable and everywhere.  In

 

fact I can even go as far to say that one is assaulted by it.”

                                                             

He handed the microphone to Maria who scolded him with a look that conceded,

 

“And how do I follow that?”

 

Chapters

10

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Diwrite wrote 218 days ago

The premise of this story is really interesting, and seems to have everything - unrequited love, death and ultimately rebirth. And you can't go wrong with a sunshine island either!

Although the story seems to have plenty of pace, I stumbled a bit over the writing. I think you may have fallen into the trap of overwriting. We've all done it, and it just takes a critical eye on your own work to see it.

For example, you may want to trim down the similes. Less is definitely more with these (and metaphors), and they're far more effective when the reader can relate to them - rather than trying to figure them out.
The froth camping on the businessman's nose is lovely because I can see it straight away.
However, I'm not sure a bad decision can infest someone with pangs of regret like a spreading rash. Instead, how about 'He regretted his dubious decision not to hail one of the taxis that ubiquitously patrolled the Edinburgh streets.' As a reader, it lets me follow the story without your literary style being lost.

It's also worth looking at your tenses and sentence structure.
'Several years later and living in Edinburgh, he discovers that Emma is having an affair and becomes pregnant' should read 'and has become pregnant' (you don't want to suggest that Louis has become pregnant!).
Try reading your work aloud and punctuate according to your pauses. So for example:
'On the eve of his departure Emma is murdered by her lover, unaware, Louis begins his journey' becomes
'... murdered by her lover. Unaware, Louis begins is journey.'

Apologies if this seems unduly harsh, but I think you have a good story here. Simplifying your writing will let readers get caught up in it without stumbling over the words.

I hope this helps - if not, feel free to ignore it!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Shelby Z. wrote 219 days ago

The Homecoming by Dougie McHale
Well portrayed descriptions. The reader can nearly feel the cold and desperation.
Your writing flows as does your plot. You unfold things very well as the situations come to light.
The story has an easy pace.
Also the pitch is very well created.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Su Dan wrote 441 days ago

good flowing story- your competent writing skills with effective and descriptive narrative...
good enough to back///
read SEASONS...

Kitchenwych wrote 480 days ago

Agree with previous comment that the double spacing is distracting. Also you use apostrophe in 'it's' erroneously - 'it's' = 'it is' 'its', without apostrophe is the possessive pronoun.

kiwigirl2011 wrote 518 days ago

Hi Dougie
The double spacing is a little distracting.
There is a 3 instead of an ‘s’ in the word ‘crisp’, and then again in the word ‘his’
I think you move forward in time a week after Louis discovers her in bed with someone else, but it’s difficult to realise at first because it follows on immediately. Perhaps some kind of break, like this:

---

And then carry on writing?
He had drunk his fill of it’s unpalatable nature and… should be ‘its’
I love your pitch. It promises a fantastic tale, offering everything I love to read! But the way it is formatted is distracting to me. Please if you upload it again without the double spacing let me know.
I find your writing beautifully descriptive. I enjoy writing that paints a picture in my mind as I read and you do that very well.
5 stars :-)
Tammy Robinson

1