Book Jacket

 

rank 5848
word count 89105
date submitted 16.12.2011
date updated 09.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Romance
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Homecoming

Dougie McHale

The Homecoming encapsulates love, identity, self discovery and a quest to solve a mother's secret set against the backdrop of a Greek island.

 

Whilst training for the priesthood, Louis Satriani abandoned this world for a woman, Emma. Several years later and living in Edinburgh, he discovers that Emma is having an affair and becomes pregnant. Louis world is turned into an emotional spiral. He decides to visit a friend from his seminar days and inform him that he is going to travel through Greece which will afford him the opportunity to rediscover himself. The story of his friend's housekeeper intrigues Louis especially hearing of the baby she was forced to abandon at the age of 15 to an orphanage during the second world war. On the eve of his departure Emma is murdered by her lover, unaware, Louis begins his journey. He meets and is attracted to Maria, a tour guide. The setting moves to the island of Zakynyhos and as their intimacy grows the island weaves its spell on Louis in a voyage of love, loss and self discovery. He discovers and unfolds the layers of a secret that can only be resolved by a homecoming. The homecoming encapsulates love, identity and a quest to solve a families secret set against the backdrop of a Greek island.

 
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Chapters

16

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She was annoyed with him, he had called into question her judgement of character.

 

How dare he, she thought accusingly, you have just met him, you do not know him

 

Peter had said. The first part was true but she felt as if she did know him. I know he

 

has loved and lost and suffered, I know where he is from, what has consumed the last

 

few months of his life...God I know him better than the people who have paid to

 

come on this trip so don’t question my judgment of character, she had said in a raised

 

voice. Peter had accepted her argument gracefully knowing that it would have been

 

futile to persist in his line of disapproval, he had placed his panama hat on his head

 

and said, “Then who am I to judge my dear, it seems to me that you have sorted it out

 

in your head already” Maria looked at him sternly, “I would say” he continued, “That

 

he is a very lucky young man” and with that parting shot he headed for the coach,

 

leaving Maria to stew.

 

She now massaged her temple, the beginnings of a headache tugged at her, like a

 

child seeking attention. May be Peter was right, she told herself. He had my interest at

 

heart, was it foolish to invite him on the coach? but what harm could it do.....I hope

 

the sisters are not to over powering....poor Louis she concluded.

 

Out of the window she saw a large tomato processing plant. During the picking season

 

Peter and the passengers would occupy themselves by counting the number of trucks

 

systematically lined up outside the plant. She remembered thatlast years count

 

came to over one hundred. A lot of tomatoes, she thought,

 

Nearing Kylini Maria saw, as she always did, the fortified walls of a castle that

 

audaciously and luminously imposed itself on the landscape. She rubbed her eyes,

 

reached into her bag and produced a pocket mirror. She looked at her eyes staring

 

back at her, as if they belonged to someone else. There was something about him, she

 

reminded herself, she felt it the very first time she laid eyes on him. It was a sensation

 

unlike any other, it made her happy, a warm tingling feeling spread and fanned out

 

from her stomach. She remembered the way the sun reflected off his hair, the rising

 

and falling of his Adams apple as he drank his wine at lunch, the pronounced curve

 

of his chin, chiseled and strong, like a statue. She had listened to him speak, finding

 

his Scottish accent pleasant and distinct and at times it sounded as if he was singing.

 

And she imagined his life, like watching a movie, images appeared, his words

 

influencing the story line and he was the main character, its focus and he held her

 

attention like all good movies do. She observed how he lowered his eyes when he

 

mentioned Emmas name, circling the rim of his wine glass with his middle finger,

 

subdued by the memory.

 

The dull ache in her head began to subside, which was just as well, as she had nothing

 

to take to alleviate the pain, although she now considered, she was almost sure that

 

one of the sisters would have come to her aid and produced some form of medication.  

 

She should have drank more water, her reflecting reminded her that she gave her

 

second and last bottle to Louis. May be it was the wine at lunchtime, she considered,

 

anyhow, it was subsiding, just in time for the ferry crossing which now seemed a

 

more inviting prospect. She would soon be comforted by the sight of the sea. She

 

lowered her sun glasses over her eyes and smoothed the light fabric of her dress, as

 

the coach snaked its way through narrow streets and finally it would rest to a stop.

 

 

An oil grey sea lapped at dark rocks, white foam ran through black clumps of sea

 

weed. A boy threw a fishing line into the water, clumsily and unskillfully, he saw

 

a man walk his dog, a Labrador, over the white sand, he caught sight of a jogger,

 

a woman sitting on a rock speaking into a mobile phone, a green bag at her feet.

 

Children explored a crop of rocks that harboured a small pool, that the incoming

 

tide would later claim. A tug sliced through the water and a sailing boat with a

 

white mast ominously disappeared behind the green headland, as if it had been

 

rubbed out. Fast moving clouds skirted a woodened hill, a white plane climbed

 

into the sky, emitting a sound like distant thunder. The rustic red of the Forth Rail

 

Bridge was illuminated from a setting sun as it Spanned the deep, dark and

 

mysterious undulating water  as the rumbling of train, like a stick insect, crossed

 

the River Forth. A couple shared a cigarette  whereabove them seagulls caught a

 

ride on pockets of air, like winged gliders and the skyline of Edinburgh became

 

sucked into a haunting and trailing mist.                       

 

 

He opened his eyes to a flurry of activity and a perpetual stream of traffic and people.

 

The coach was now motionless and parked. Peter was announcing that at this point it

 

was customary to place a Tip into his hat, like the collection ot a church service,

 

which would then be presented to the driver. Each passenger was to depart the coach

 

with an ‘efaresto for the drivers benefit which would also be much appreciated.

 

Louis became alarmed to discover that Maria had already left the coach, but then the

 

rock in his chest dissolved as he over heard someone say that she had to go and

 

change the boarding passes as Peter had unwittingly issued them with the wrong ones.

 

He stepped onto the quayside and into a throng of humanity, like being thrown into a

 

herd  of stampeding buffalo, he was jostle` and turned in ever direction. Eventually he

 

made his way to the ticket booth and stood in a line of people, like struggling

 

through quicksand and surrounded by a nest of hornets, he thought. Exasperated

 

he bought a ticket, his eyes stung from the brilliant sun and the scanning of so many

 

facer with no reward for his effort. He must have passed her without noticing, he

 

imagined that she would be handing out the boarding tickets. He studied the sea of

 

bobbing heads and the fleet of coaches in the fore ground, they all looked similar and

 

it was impossible to discern one from the other.

 

Ten minuteshad elapsed since he had left the coach and he was increasingly aware

 

of vehicles and people filing onto the Ferry, like a focused army of hyperactive ants.

 

The sparsely populated beach of that morning was now a pulsating and shimmering

 

tapestry of colour and exposed flesh. To dismiss as conclusive that the majority of

 

sunbathers were holiday makers would have been a premature assumption. Families,

 

predominantly natives of Greece, from grand parents to babies, the spectrum of a

 

generation basked in the natural resources of sun sea and sand. A varied assortment

 

of  sizes, nationalities and gender that constitutes the human race contributed to the

 

assembly of passengers that came on board. Louis felt shipwrecked in an ocean of

 

unfamiliar faces looking for the only island that he desired to be rescued by. Parents

 

monitored exuberant children who had just discovered a new playground that had

 

become a source of exploration and adventure, couples entwined in affectionate

 

embraces. A group of young men flexed their masculinity in a drunken performance,

 

an old man and his unsteady wife welcomed the solace of a comfortable seat, as they

 

tended to aching muscles. A back packer studied a map in an intensive urgency that

 

seemed to betray the laid back almost vertical casual manner in which his partner

 

rearranged with meticulous tidiness the contents of their rucksacks.

 

He had sat on the upper deck with its row of wooden benches that smelt of  fresh

 

paint and ammonia. He had become aware of the fatigue that seeped through his

 

body, like a poisonous snake, engaging each muscle with its paralysing venom. Even

 

the potent sun could not alleviate his lethargic state, its prescription failing to lift his

 

heaviness.

 

He had entertained the thought of making the effort to walk around the ferry in search

 

of Maria when he heard her, now, familiar and approaching voice.

 

“There you are, I was beginning to think you had change your mind”

 

Louis gazed over his shoulder.

 

“Maria, I lost everyone when I bought a ticket” the tangible evidence of relief

 

resonated from his voice.

 

“It is very busy, the weekend is always like this”

 

“For a minute there I thought I was back in Princess Street on a Saturday afternoon”

 

he said trying to make light of the moment.

 

She held in her hands two polystyrene cups of coffee.

 

“I bought one of these for Peter” she said, gesturing towards the cups with her head,

 

“He has had to attend to a woman who I think has sprained her ankle after falling” she

 

added as she sat next to him.

 

“Well then his misfortune is my gain” he tried unsuccessfully to suppress a smile.

 

She handed him the coffee. The need to touch her hand seeped from every pour as he

 

took the cup and raised it to his lips.

 

“To tell you the truth I was starting to get worried” he confessed.

 

“What” she turned to him smiling and teased, “Did you think you would never see

 

your luggage again?”

 

Again, for the second time, he tried to stop his lips from curling.

 

“Well I’ve got some expensive designer labels in there”

 

She laughed and threw her head back. A gust of warm air blew a few stray hairs over

 

her face.

 

“To be honest” he glanced at the cup “I felt guilty from talking about myself at

 

lunchtime, it occurred to me afterwards that I was slightly self indulgent.”

 

“Not at all.....it must have felt good for you to talk, I think you needed someone to

 

listen to you and I was glad to be that person”

 

He became aware of the sensation that the ferry was moving, in fact, he had not

 

noticed it depart its moorings as Kyllini diminished and the discernable focus of a

 

castle on a hill dwarfed the busy port. It held Louis attention and looked as if it had

 

been crafted from the very rock it sat upon.

 

He blew on his coffee cup as the sun lacquered her face in light. A plume of cigarette

 

smoke hung around them, an unwanted intrusion that impelled Louis to suggest that

 

they walk to the railings at the edge of the deck. A sudden realisation engulfed his

 

chest. He wanted to open her up and read her like a book and absorb every page that

 

was revealed to him. They dropped their cups in a waste bin.

 

“I live with my mother and brother just outside Zakynthos Town, the house has

 

beautiful views of the sea. My father built the house, when we were young, it is now

 

the artery of our family. I have an older brother who is married,  he has two children

 

my mother  adores them, family is very important. My father would always tell us that

 

there were only two things in life that mattered, God and family. He is dead now.”

 

She stopped talking and look at him, “I suppose we have something in common, we

 

both know what it feels like to loose someone special.”

 

His hand lay a few inches from hers, resting on the railings, in that moment, the desire

 

to hold it felt right, it demanded it.

 

“I’ve worked in the tour industry” she continued, “Well, since I was old enough to

 

work, I studied on the mainland, in Athens, received my diploma in tourism and then

 

came home......and I have been a tour guide ever since.”

 

The moment had past, it did not present itself in her words, it had slid from his grasp,

 

like an animal disappearing into a forest.

 

“Any one special in your life?” he found himself saying, abandoning all decorum.

 

“No....not for a long time” she said honestly.

 

“Is that good or bad?” he wondered.

 

“That depends”

 

“On what?”

 

She paused. “On what you want out of life”

 

“And what do you want?” he asked gently.

 

She gazed at the sea, white foamed waves rippled out from the ferry, like a tractor

 

ploughing through a field. Her fingers wrapped around the rail, she could feel the

 

spray of sea salt coating her skin, her face, shoulders and arms and for a moment she

 

panicked.

 

“Oh just the simple things, love, companionship, maybe children and live in a house

 

that they will be able to call home. Is that to much to ask? what do you think Louis?”

 

Louis was surprised at the intimacy and honesty of her answer.

 

“Well....they are noble things to aspire to” he said finally. “I’d always wanted

 

children.....Emma wasnt very maternal it knocked a hole in me when  she became

 

pregnant....it hurt, like she betrayed me”

 

He mustered a smile, “Look there I go again talking about myself”

 

She watched large white birds glide above the water, like kites, surfing the invisible

 

currents of the air. Her breathing was deep and long.....contented.

 

She turned to face him, “Louis......”

 

He was studying her and for a moment her sentence trailed off, inside her head, like

 

evaporating steam, never to be spoken         

 

She had removed the band that had held her hair from her face, but now, corn

 

coloured strands hung like sheets, and fell, like a vale, concealing her left eye, where

 

it descended and licked at the extravagant rounded curve of her upper lip. Louis

 

noticed the shinny texture of a subtle scar, just discernable, which created a small

 

indentation on her skin. He moved his hand and then hesitated, before tenderly

 

brushing a few stray hairs from her right eye. He cupped her hair in his hand and

 

inhaled its scent, as if smelling freshly washed sheets. Maria felt as if she had been

 

touched by an angel, the sentient effect was tranquillizing. He breathed deeply, as if

 

the essence of it was imperative, in order to nourish body and soul. He moved closer

 

and brushed her cheek with his lips, seeking her mouth. A small sigh escaped her,

 

encouraging him as their lips met for the first time.

 

Their kiss was long, tender and deep. She tasted of strawberries and he wanted to go

 

on exploring her mouth for ever. Her skin felt warm as it pressed against him and a

 

sensation in his body, like the effect of a roller coaster as it plunges the curve of the

 

track raced  through him. The intensity was like an electric current crackling through

 

her. Eventually their lips reluctantly parted, they opened their eyes, holding their stare

 

in the new found knowledge that something sacred had passed through them and

 

galvanised them in the warmth it created. An invigorating pulse streamed through her

 

veins as she composed herself. She felt her cheeks flush as she comb her fingers

 

through her hair.

 

“ I was not expecting that” she said satisfied.

 

“It just happened..... I’m glad it did”

 

“Look” she said pointing with an out stretched finger, “Cephalonia

 

The island hovered placidly, as her truculent mountains, dark and undulating were

 

silhouetted against a pastel and salmon sky.

 

“Captain Correlli will just have to wait” Louis smiled

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were soon upon Zakynthos as the capital became visible as if she had risen from

 

the sea like a submarine. Draped elegantly, the capital converged along and up a hill,

 

it was a landmark that would imprint itself upon Louis who remarked that the view

 

inherited the same characteristics as the Rock of Gibraltar.

 

“There she is....home, what do you think?”

 

“I thought it would be bigger, the town I mean”

 

“Size isn’t every thing Louis” she smiled.

 

They made their way to the bow and became part of the throng which had assembled

 

in an anticipating mass. The changing light of early evening made Marias shoulders

 

resonate a polished cooper glow. The intimacy of their kiss encouraged him to lightly

                                                        

place his hand on her skin and he daringly kissed her shoulder in full view of the

 

vociferous antics and spluttered words of a group of unshaven and glazed eyed men

 

who had soaked their senses in an assortment of alcoholic beverage.

 

He bent to her ear.

 

“I know how they feel, I’m drunk with you”

 

During  the crossing he had regarded her with a contemplative look and then asked

 

her to describe to him Zakynthos as she would to a group of tourists. She glanced at

 

him suspiciously as he leaned back in his seat, like a school teacher awaiting the

 

recital of a poem. “Zakynthos, is a member of the Ionian group of islands” she began,

 

“and is the most southerly, with a population of 35,000. Zakynthos Town, the capital,

 

is home to 9500 and easily the largest town on the island” He nodded his head,

 

impressed by Marias introduction and gestured, like a king, for her to continue. She

 

crossed her arms and glared at him through squinted eyes.

 

“You are enjoying this”

 

“Most definitely....carry on, good introduction by the way” he grinned.

 

She played along by composing herself.

 

“Its nearest neighbour is the island of Cephallonia, 8 miles to the north”

 

“Ah, my friend Captain Corelli” Louis interrupted, Maria’s eyes threw invisible

 

knifes and she continued, “Being a relatively small island,106km square, by car, the

 

island can be explored quite easily. Olives, cypress and citrus groves are typical and

 

familiar to the scenery of the island which also farms and yields crops such as the

 

current. These vineyards can be found on the fertile and flat plains, situated at the foot

 

of the Vrachonian mountains.

 

“Impressive” Louis injected, folding his arms behind his head.

 

She ignored him frowning and continued, now determined and fuelled by intent “The

 

darkest and most tragic period of the islands history occurred on the 12th and 13th

 

August 1953. The earthquake that struck devastated and engulfed the entire region

 

and left only a few buildings untouched. As well as the tragic loss of life, the

 

architectural splendour and richness that decorated the island was lost to the

 

earthquake.

 

“You are beautiful” Louis interrupted bravely.

 

She looked at him and for a second time Maria could feel her cheeks flush.

 

“Shhhh” she remonstrated playfully, she paused breathed in deeply and continued,

 

“Although in time many buildings have been restored true to their original glory one

 

would have to visit the Solomos museum to become aware of and grasp the true

 

nature of the tragedy.

 

“The only tragedy I can see is that I’ve been in Greece all this time without you”

 

“Louis” she laughed.            

 

Chapters

16

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Diwrite wrote 219 days ago

The premise of this story is really interesting, and seems to have everything - unrequited love, death and ultimately rebirth. And you can't go wrong with a sunshine island either!

Although the story seems to have plenty of pace, I stumbled a bit over the writing. I think you may have fallen into the trap of overwriting. We've all done it, and it just takes a critical eye on your own work to see it.

For example, you may want to trim down the similes. Less is definitely more with these (and metaphors), and they're far more effective when the reader can relate to them - rather than trying to figure them out.
The froth camping on the businessman's nose is lovely because I can see it straight away.
However, I'm not sure a bad decision can infest someone with pangs of regret like a spreading rash. Instead, how about 'He regretted his dubious decision not to hail one of the taxis that ubiquitously patrolled the Edinburgh streets.' As a reader, it lets me follow the story without your literary style being lost.

It's also worth looking at your tenses and sentence structure.
'Several years later and living in Edinburgh, he discovers that Emma is having an affair and becomes pregnant' should read 'and has become pregnant' (you don't want to suggest that Louis has become pregnant!).
Try reading your work aloud and punctuate according to your pauses. So for example:
'On the eve of his departure Emma is murdered by her lover, unaware, Louis begins his journey' becomes
'... murdered by her lover. Unaware, Louis begins is journey.'

Apologies if this seems unduly harsh, but I think you have a good story here. Simplifying your writing will let readers get caught up in it without stumbling over the words.

I hope this helps - if not, feel free to ignore it!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Shelby Z. wrote 220 days ago

The Homecoming by Dougie McHale
Well portrayed descriptions. The reader can nearly feel the cold and desperation.
Your writing flows as does your plot. You unfold things very well as the situations come to light.
The story has an easy pace.
Also the pitch is very well created.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Su Dan wrote 442 days ago

good flowing story- your competent writing skills with effective and descriptive narrative...
good enough to back///
read SEASONS...

Kitchenwych wrote 481 days ago

Agree with previous comment that the double spacing is distracting. Also you use apostrophe in 'it's' erroneously - 'it's' = 'it is' 'its', without apostrophe is the possessive pronoun.

kiwigirl2011 wrote 519 days ago

Hi Dougie
The double spacing is a little distracting.
There is a 3 instead of an ‘s’ in the word ‘crisp’, and then again in the word ‘his’
I think you move forward in time a week after Louis discovers her in bed with someone else, but it’s difficult to realise at first because it follows on immediately. Perhaps some kind of break, like this:

---

And then carry on writing?
He had drunk his fill of it’s unpalatable nature and… should be ‘its’
I love your pitch. It promises a fantastic tale, offering everything I love to read! But the way it is formatted is distracting to me. Please if you upload it again without the double spacing let me know.
I find your writing beautifully descriptive. I enjoy writing that paints a picture in my mind as I read and you do that very well.
5 stars :-)
Tammy Robinson

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