Book Jacket

 

rank 4283
word count 68675
date submitted 22.12.2011
date updated 10.01.2013
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: moderate
complete

Posthuman

Chavonne Brown

In 2100, humanity will be destroyed. In 2100, humanity will be reborn, the most fortunate will retain their sanity.

 

Marcus Sewell had a wife and child, he had friends, he had a loving father that adored his only son's family.

The Flash brought the Ragnarok Virus, and with that his world ended. Marcus lost everything he ever knew, he could not bare to stay in a place where his dreams had died. He moved to the other side of America, he lives a life without real friends and where he has not spoken to what remains of his family in years.

In 2100, Providence comes to America, bringing with them the hope for a tomorrow not so filled with desperation. Where everyone else sees a beacon to lead them out of the darkness, Marcus sees a mysterious power whose highest workings are shrouded in secrecy. He enlists with them, to find out for himself what is in the belly of this smiling beast.

The feral tribes and mindless necrophids which haunt the edges of this fragile world will turn out to be the smallest challenge, hiding the much more immense task of deciphering Providence.

Marcus must be careful to not lose himself; in a world like this, his principles are all he has.

 
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tags

evolution, humanity, isolation, living dead, madness, morality, psychic, rebellion

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Chapters

14

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Chapter Twelve

Marcus was in a t'ai chi ch'uan session which Stanley led, it was almost over, just a few more postures and it'd be over. Now it was official, Marcus Sewell might as well have been with The Providence from the start. He meditated and did t'ai chi like a good little officer, roped into this morning ritual first by Judah and now General Stanley. The colonel admitted to the benefits of the routine though, he wasn't so obtuse as to deny it had a calming, centring effect on him. He understood why Providence officers did this, for an hour every day they could totally detach from the world in which they lived. A group therapy session conducted in companionable quiet, that's how Marcus saw it. Though it was over for now, he felt himself floating slightly above reality. An infinitesimal fraction of the sensation he had experienced being one with the blue fires of that strange reality Angelene communed with.

His fellow commissioned soldiers wandered off the green in front of the university's Rectorat; he lingered a bit longer than the others. It was still too early for any student to be out on campus; Marcus didn't see why he should rush back to headquarters. So instead he admired the refurbished façade and pristine lawns of the Rectorat, the university's main administrative building.

The building itself wasn't some staggeringly beautiful example of indulgent architecture but rather of practicality. Sturdy, oblong columns supported a simple stone structure; a lattice grate patterned the actual front of the building, broken up by solid slats and an entrance which jutted forwards of the columns. A well-kept, unworn set of wide steps led up to the entrance doors. If the university had been in a state of disrepair, as it had before III Corps' arrival, then this entire package would have come off as clumsy and ugly. Marcus started, torn from his musings, and realised what thought his mind had wanted to voice – 'Thank god for Providence.'

Philip had journeyed to Marcus' tent, some weeks ago he had discovered Marcus to be a keen chess player. Apparently two years on the road to New York had given Marcus far too much time to develop many hobbies. Marcus said it was become a serial hobbyist or learn how to make a noose; Marcus had been joking, but he'd spotted how uncomfortable and tense Philip became. He had decided to avoid any more suicide references around Philip, though he knew he had to confront Albion at some point. Now was as good a time as any, the hour was late since both men refused to declare it a stalemate. “Phil, have you ever tried to kill yourself?” Marcus congratulated himself for his tact or rather his complete lack of any whatsoever. He lost all sense where Albion was concerned, more interested in the answers themselves than how to gently coax and subtly lead.

“Ah...” Philip's shock was such that he flinched a little, his hovering hand knocked over some pieces, “What?”

“I've been meaning to ask. You might not think it, but I remember things, small things. I joked around about making a noose for myself and you had a look on your face. Which means you knew someone who killed themselves or you've tried,” Marcus studied Philip's face, he watched for anything that would give the game away.

“I don't know what you mean by a 'look',” and there it was, the flicker of an expression, a flash of fear, Philip had just lied, “I have never tried to end my life.” No need for that 'have', 'I've' would be simpler – then there's 'end my life'. Why not just say, 'kill myself'?

“Looks and words, Phil. I didn't get by for eleven years without learning to read people better than a boy just out of puberty,” Marcus leaned back, he wanted to make Philip sweat, the longer he let silence reign the more nervous Philip would become. This worked on Will, all Marcus had to do was sit back and keep his eyes on his son, and soon enough Will would be speaking just to quash the uncomfortable quiet. Philip sighed warily, he finally decided to meet Marcus' patient gaze. “The genetic trait that coded for the survival of transhumans when The Flash happened is called PSC-2 or the Providence gene,” Philip began slowly, he used some medical jargon to try and distance himself.

“And what does this have to do with you trying to kill yourself?” Marcus broke apart Philip's attempt at detachment.

“I'm getting there!” snapped Philip, he calmed himself then continued, “PSC-2 is autosomally recessive so two recessive alleles are needed to code for it. If only one is present then it's PSC-1. PSC-1 individuals did not survive The Flash or came out wrong-”

“Necrophids...”

“Exactly, they came out wrong. Nobody, and I mean nobody who was PSC-1 should have survived The Flash...but I did.”

“You're not...no, no, you weren't transhuman?”

“Not really, and my parents never let me forget it. I'm an impurity in the gene pool, a weakness in the stability of humanity because I have a gene which should have been purged.”

“Your parents can't ever have said that you.”

“Not in as many words, it's always there though; 'statistical error', 'unaccountable anomaly' or my personal favourite: 'genetic disappointment'. I think I was sixteen when I went to my bedroom, tied a rope with some sheets and took the plunge. I still believe to this day that if it had been my parents, and not my sister Kate, who'd found me – I might be dead right now,” there was so much bitterness and self-hate wrapped up in that statement, as if Philip was disappointed in Kate.

Marcus had had enough; he stood up from behind his desk and walked around to Philip. He drew the intern into an embrace he saved for when Will had looked like the world was about to end. Philip was somewhat reluctant to put his arms around Marcus until the colonel squeezed a little tighter, the embrace was returned. “Don't you ever try that again. Do you hear me? You're not a 'statistical error', you're a miracle! If my son had been the sort of anomaly you were, I would be thanking every god out there,” Marcus tried to draw away, surprised to find that Philip was now reluctant to let go, Marcus eventually managed to grasp his shoulder and stare into Philip's eyes. Tears ran down the young man's face, the emotion behind them was one of pure catharsis. Marcus had that same surge of paternal duty charge through him and he just had to hug Philip again.

 

Chapters

14

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mdws77 wrote 197 days ago

I like your novel very much and hope to read more later. For now, Chapter 1 was all I could read due to time constraints. Overall, you story flows well and you do a very good job of describing your characters. One thing to watch out for are the long sentences and long paragraphs. They seem to take away from the story. I hope this novel goes well for you.
Here are some grammar issues:
Chapter 1:
"-never" -- Starting your story with a dash, even in a quote, seems awkward. I would just go with "I've never".
"out of the ether; he" -- Not sure "ether" is the right word for here. Ether is a gas that can be used to make people unconscience. I would use "out of the heavens. He", or "out of the atmosphere. He". Notice you need to end the sentence there also.
"would allow, he had the ball" -- Period/new sentence after "allow".
"He was determined to not lose to a ten year old boy, he jumped at the home plate, sure he had Will." -- Period/new sentence after "boy". Also, I would reword "sure he had Will". I think you mean "knowing for sure that he had Will".

Neville wrote 262 days ago

Post Human.
By Chavonne Brown.


Good description and a feeling or warmth as the story opens.
George Sewell, son, Marcus and grandson, Will, all enjoying a ball game.
Lovely how you bring out the happiness of this particular scene, it really is nice writing.
We’re brought down to earth by a sudden flash on the horizon—the Ragnarok Virus has landed destroying all within its luminous range.
Very good cover and both pitches draw any potential reader into opening the book.
A most exciting read so far, one that I’ll return to (problems with the site).
Many stars for a brilliant read up to now.
Well done!

Best wishes,

Neville. ‘The Secrets of the Forest –Cosmos 501’ (Series) Book Two.

Tod Schneider wrote 281 days ago

You do a great job establishing setting and characters in the ordinary world in chapter one -- the classic middle American family, easy to root for, and good dialogue that rings true.
Critique-wise I found a few things to nitpick in chapter one as follows:
The paragraph "he was determined to not lose..." was hard for me to follow, not quite clear who was where, and it tended to run on, with too many phrases in one sentence separated just by commas. I'd clarify and break this into smaller pieces.
"but time gets away from him and he still had plenty" was a little awkward, switching tenses.
after the sentence that ends "...why stay here?" I think you can drop "Marcus decided to keep up this vein of discussion" . It's stating the obvious, and its telling when you've already done a perfectly good job showing.
The other thing I noticed was quite a few run on sentences. I'd say look for any sentence with two or more commas and consider making them into multiple sentences. A couple examples: "...excuse to drink this weekend (cut comma, insert period)" and "brighter and brighter (cut comma, insert period.)
Just my opinion of course. These are little things, and the rest of it is really nice writing that rolls along smoothly.Best of luck with this!
Tod
And if you have any interest in children's literature, you are invited to check out my novel, the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Searcher wrote 333 days ago

Chapt 8 ..can't figure out how you did the 1st & 2nd ..nice

Chapt 8 .. 9th para starting Chihuahua looked to be .. etc .. 2nd sentence ...etc ..New York had been given a new lease of (on?) life ..I think should be new lease on life .. (Oops! just found out British say "of life" Americans "on life" per online dictionary ..interesting!

Authonomy Chapt 11 (Book Chapt 9) .. 5th para .. Starting You were stabbed .. etc .. No one expected the rebels to have venoms from foreign snakes to (on) hand

writing is excellent .. just watch using Marcus's name so often .. looking at bottom of Chapt 11 .. Marcus starts off last 3 paras ... 3 in a row on Chapt 10 too. Be back to read more later!

Hi Chavonne, I'm going to go out on a limb here & ignore this if you don't like it. Chapter 1 (Opening-Marcus Sewell) is important. It shows Marcus's family life ...but .. the real story begins next Chapter. People quite often open to the first page & stop if it doesn't appeal to them. What do you think of cutting Chapter 1 down to get to the "guts" of the story quicker. Keep all of it down to Amen brother, I'll drink to that ..etc .. and you need that last paragraph but the four above the last para could be condensed into 2 fairly small ones... I think. Starting with "Come on Will! ...(then skip to next paragraph and keep it all ... next paragraph start with 2nd sentence "The Sewell's headed home after the game so they could get ready for a well deserved victory party. George had the grill going and lazily flipped burgers. Soon Marcus heard the honking bus horn, signaling the arrival of ten incredibly happy young baseball players, followed by several cars of proud parents.

Now all of last paragraph ... He drew Amy close and they both watched ...etc..

(Just a thought & if you don't like it .. don't do it!)

The world as it is now .. Good job! .. only this .."The survivors came in three varieties; for some, death would have been easier."

Chapt 1 .. Only this .. Someone knocked three times at the front door. (period) A few moments ...etc

Chapt 2 .. love that "Gossip spread it's wings and flew all about the streets"

New paragraph? As Marcus understood it, he was Homo sapiens ..etc (you love those big paragraphs lol)
New paragraph? Marcus was still a member of the National Guard ..etc

Your writing is absolutely incredible! Only one thought here .. At times the name Marcus stands out too often. I wonder if that's because you start out lots of sentences with his name. Perhaps if you rearrange "some" (just a few) of the sentences so his name appears later it might help (I do understand you need to say his name so we know who the sentence is referring to.) For instance Chapt 2 .. 2nd para Mayor D'Amico liaised extensively ..etc .. 2nd time you use Marcus was still a member of the National Guard ..etc.. Instead maybe .. "Still a member of the National Guard, Marcus was obliged to be .. etc...

Will read more later ... I think you have an incredible story going! Whew! ..I need to get out a dictionary to keep up with you!

One question?? How do you look cruel in a very special way? Interesting .. made me think! Nice line!

Jane

scargirl wrote 338 days ago

engaging premise here. in the short pitch the last sentence would benefit from a semi-colon, making it stronger.
j
wewsk

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 342 days ago

Chevonne,
What a concept, an apocalyptic event wipes out most of humanity, the suvivors transhumans, and two hostile subspecies. Your protagonist Marcus is faced with major challenges, the latest of wehich is the appearance of another group of morphed humans called "daemons." Your prose is casual and direct, your dialogue clear and unaffected. Thank you for the intriguing read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Searcher wrote 342 days ago

Wow! Forget everything I said ... Loving it!

Oh yes, that's so much easier to read! Nice job! Now I feel like I'm watching baseball ..! You have really nice word choices ... very descriptive! Your phrases makes the reader feel comfortable and easy to identify with your characters. I love that "a big, dumb smile on his face."

Another suggestion .. This is something I have trouble with too and am currently trying to fix in my book. Be careful using redundant or repetitive words .. extra words slow the story down. At least that's what I've been told & finding it to be true. Unless, of course, it's something you're emphasizing in the story. I don't see it much in your story but occasionally.

For instance, "Sure I will, just listen out for the guy cheering ... etc ... I think if you leave the word "out" out, the sentence will read smoother. Sure I will, just listen for the guy cheering ..etc... but that's just my own personal taste. That sentence may have been a bad example. You may like out there but you get the idea.

Further down in Chapt 1 you have leapt up ... since leapt implies up .. the word "up" is redundant. You don't need it.

Watch your periods too. In that 1st paragraph the 1st sentence should end .. took his dad's suitcase from him. (period) .. new sentence ------> George would never admit it ...etc ...

Just a few thoughts from a novice ... I think it may help polish your story!

I'm off to read a little more of your story!

Jane

Searcher wrote 343 days ago

Hi Chavonne, Your hook caught me! I've glanced at a few different chapters of your story. I think it might be a good idea to break up your larger paragraphs into smaller ones. It would make them easier to read. In your 1st paragraph at the beginning of your book ... I think you could begin a new paragraph with the sentence, .. Will, Marcus' son, bounced up ... etc ...

I don't understand the beginning sentence in your 2nd paragraph .. Marcus found himself stood some .. maybe a missing word? I do that sometimes when I don't like a word ... take it out & sometimes forget to replace it.

I like the story's idea. I just wish your paragraphs weren't so large. It would make it easier for my old eyes to read.

Jane Lawry
The Genealogist: On Holy Ground

scargirl wrote 407 days ago

the pitch needs some work here. you have developed a good base. now make it larger than life instead of reading like a newsclip.
j

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