Posthuman

I like your novel very much and hope to read more later. For now, Chapter 1 was all I could read due to time constraints. Overall, you story flows well and you do a very good job of describing your characters. One thing to watch out for are the long sentences and long paragraphs. They seem to take away from the story. I hope this novel goes well for you.
Here are some grammar issues:
Chapter 1:
"-never" -- Starting your story with a dash, even in a quote, seems awkward. I would just go with "I've never".
"out of the ether; he" -- Not sure "ether" is the right word for here. Ether is a gas that can be used to make people unconscience. I would use "out of the heavens. He", or "out of the atmosphere. He". Notice you need to end the sentence there also.
"would allow, he had the ball" -- Period/new sentence after "allow".
"He was determined to not lose to a ten year old boy, he jumped at the home plate, sure he had Will." -- Period/new sentence after "boy". Also, I would reword "sure he had Will". I think you mean "knowing for sure that he had Will".

Post Human.
By Chavonne Brown.


Good description and a feeling or warmth as the story opens.
George Sewell, son, Marcus and grandson, Will, all enjoying a ball game.
Lovely how you bring out the happiness of this particular scene, it really is nice writing.
We’re brought down to earth by a sudden flash on the horizon—the Ragnarok Virus has landed destroying all within its luminous range.
Very good cover and both pitches draw any potential reader into opening the book.
A most exciting read so far, one that I’ll return to (problems with the site).
Many stars for a brilliant read up to now.
Well done!

Best wishes,

Neville. ‘The Secrets of the Forest –Cosmos 501’ (Series) Book Two.

You do a great job establishing setting and characters in the ordinary world in chapter one -- the classic middle American family, easy to root for, and good dialogue that rings true.
Critique-wise I found a few things to nitpick in chapter one as follows:
The paragraph "he was determined to not lose..." was hard for me to follow, not quite clear who was where, and it tended to run on, with too many phrases in one sentence separated just by commas. I'd clarify and break this into smaller pieces.
"but time gets away from him and he still had plenty" was a little awkward, switching tenses.
after the sentence that ends "...why stay here?" I think you can drop "Marcus decided to keep up this vein of discussion" . It's stating the obvious, and its telling when you've already done a perfectly good job showing.
The other thing I noticed was quite a few run on sentences. I'd say look for any sentence with two or more commas and consider making them into multiple sentences. A couple examples: "...excuse to drink this weekend (cut comma, insert period)" and "brighter and brighter (cut comma, insert period.)
Just my opinion of course. These are little things, and the rest of it is really nice writing that rolls along smoothly.Best of luck with this!
Tod
And if you have any interest in children's literature, you are invited to check out my novel, the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Chapt 8 ..can't figure out how you did the 1st & 2nd ..nice

Chapt 8 .. 9th para starting Chihuahua looked to be .. etc .. 2nd sentence ...etc ..New York had been given a new lease of (on?) life ..I think should be new lease on life .. (Oops! just found out British say "of life" Americans "on life" per online dictionary ..interesting!

Authonomy Chapt 11 (Book Chapt 9) .. 5th para .. Starting You were stabbed .. etc .. No one expected the rebels to have venoms from foreign snakes to (on) hand

writing is excellent .. just watch using Marcus's name so often .. looking at bottom of Chapt 11 .. Marcus starts off last 3 paras ... 3 in a row on Chapt 10 too. Be back to read more later!

Hi Chavonne, I'm going to go out on a limb here & ignore this if you don't like it. Chapter 1 (Opening-Marcus Sewell) is important. It shows Marcus's family life ...but .. the real story begins next Chapter. People quite often open to the first page & stop if it doesn't appeal to them. What do you think of cutting Chapter 1 down to get to the "guts" of the story quicker. Keep all of it down to Amen brother, I'll drink to that ..etc .. and you need that last paragraph but the four above the last para could be condensed into 2 fairly small ones... I think. Starting with "Come on Will! ...(then skip to next paragraph and keep it all ... next paragraph start with 2nd sentence "The Sewell's headed home after the game so they could get ready for a well deserved victory party. George had the grill going and lazily flipped burgers. Soon Marcus heard the honking bus horn, signaling the arrival of ten incredibly happy young baseball players, followed by several cars of proud parents.

Now all of last paragraph ... He drew Amy close and they both watched ...etc..

(Just a thought & if you don't like it .. don't do it!)

The world as it is now .. Good job! .. only this .."The survivors came in three varieties; for some, death would have been easier."

Chapt 1 .. Only this .. Someone knocked three times at the front door. (period) A few moments ...etc

Chapt 2 .. love that "Gossip spread it's wings and flew all about the streets"

New paragraph? As Marcus understood it, he was Homo sapiens ..etc (you love those big paragraphs lol)
New paragraph? Marcus was still a member of the National Guard ..etc

Your writing is absolutely incredible! Only one thought here .. At times the name Marcus stands out too often. I wonder if that's because you start out lots of sentences with his name. Perhaps if you rearrange "some" (just a few) of the sentences so his name appears later it might help (I do understand you need to say his name so we know who the sentence is referring to.) For instance Chapt 2 .. 2nd para Mayor D'Amico liaised extensively ..etc .. 2nd time you use Marcus was still a member of the National Guard ..etc.. Instead maybe .. "Still a member of the National Guard, Marcus was obliged to be .. etc...

Will read more later ... I think you have an incredible story going! Whew! ..I need to get out a dictionary to keep up with you!

One question?? How do you look cruel in a very special way? Interesting .. made me think! Nice line!

Jane

engaging premise here. in the short pitch the last sentence would benefit from a semi-colon, making it stronger.
j
wewsk

Chevonne,
What a concept, an apocalyptic event wipes out most of humanity, the suvivors transhumans, and two hostile subspecies. Your protagonist Marcus is faced with major challenges, the latest of wehich is the appearance of another group of morphed humans called "daemons." Your prose is casual and direct, your dialogue clear and unaffected. Thank you for the intriguing read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Wow! Forget everything I said ... Loving it!

Oh yes, that's so much easier to read! Nice job! Now I feel like I'm watching baseball ..! You have really nice word choices ... very descriptive! Your phrases makes the reader feel comfortable and easy to identify with your characters. I love that "a big, dumb smile on his face."

Another suggestion .. This is something I have trouble with too and am currently trying to fix in my book. Be careful using redundant or repetitive words .. extra words slow the story down. At least that's what I've been told & finding it to be true. Unless, of course, it's something you're emphasizing in the story. I don't see it much in your story but occasionally.

For instance, "Sure I will, just listen out for the guy cheering ... etc ... I think if you leave the word "out" out, the sentence will read smoother. Sure I will, just listen for the guy cheering ..etc... but that's just my own personal taste. That sentence may have been a bad example. You may like out there but you get the idea.

Further down in Chapt 1 you have leapt up ... since leapt implies up .. the word "up" is redundant. You don't need it.

Watch your periods too. In that 1st paragraph the 1st sentence should end .. took his dad's suitcase from him. (period) .. new sentence ------> George would never admit it ...etc ...

Just a few thoughts from a novice ... I think it may help polish your story!

I'm off to read a little more of your story!

Jane

Hi Chavonne, Your hook caught me! I've glanced at a few different chapters of your story. I think it might be a good idea to break up your larger paragraphs into smaller ones. It would make them easier to read. In your 1st paragraph at the beginning of your book ... I think you could begin a new paragraph with the sentence, .. Will, Marcus' son, bounced up ... etc ...

I don't understand the beginning sentence in your 2nd paragraph .. Marcus found himself stood some .. maybe a missing word? I do that sometimes when I don't like a word ... take it out & sometimes forget to replace it.

I like the story's idea. I just wish your paragraphs weren't so large. It would make it easier for my old eyes to read.

Jane Lawry
The Genealogist: On Holy Ground

the pitch needs some work here. you have developed a good base. now make it larger than life instead of reading like a newsclip.
j