Slum

I'm not a big fan of literary fiction - it usually puts me into a coma - but 'Slum' is an excellent read (you've been editing, haven't you, Dan?). Tight, gritty, and at times very funny ("I'm telling you, them sex perverts cause trouble!") this is an insight into a world few of us will ever visit, let alone read about. Julianna is finely judged central character - wise, self-sufficient and a born survivor, stripping for a living while her mother keeps up the illusion (for the benefit of simple hubby Pedro) that she making huge tips cleaning in big hotels.

The contrast between the shimmering buildings of 5-star package-tourist San Cristobel looming over the shanty-town 'blight' of the poverty-stricken slum is superbly evoked - it reminded me of cities like Bombay (Mumbai) and Calcutta. This is shaping up nicely, Dan - I'm racking you up to 6 stars.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires.

Dan. A brilliant book. Cool story and a great description of you characters in the early stages. it is obvious to me that you have spent a great deal of time answering a lot of questions in your own head regarding the direction of this story well before you wrote it. Well you got it right. I loved it and once more on this site, nearly carried on reading it to the end!. You have a great writing voice and I for one am scoring this high. So well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or Wish List wont you?. Happy New Year. Sean

Very good; good characterisation, a compelling story, well described and interesting enough to make me want to carry on reading to find out what happens. As this is the aim of every book, you have succeeded admirably.
Andrea

Hi Dan,
Wow, I'm really impressed with your writing style. Short, crisp and straight to the point, what else can I say, you're a contemporary storyteller.

I read until the end of Chapter 11 and sneaked my way to the 28th and 29th chapters.
I usually do this when I enjoy reading a book and I'm also aware that I may not have enough time to finish it until the end.

Great characterization, a dynamic premise, and believable dialogue...

High stars and best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints
*I'd like to invite you to read my book as well. To hear some honest feedback from you will be great.

I'm really hooked on this! You really have brought the characters and situations alive. I love Juilanna, who's so brave and strong, and I find myself afraid for her and her darling little girl, with political tensions and trying to lift themselves out of the slums, along with Alba's heart condition. The only criticism I have is possibly an abundance of description which could be disguised somewhat more cleverly at times, more in chapters 3 and 4 than other chapters (though I've only read through end ch 5 so far). As a result I was less convinced by Robert and his mate on the plane. I don't think it would take a lot to fix that. This is definitely staying on my shelf, hopefull to the ED. And I shall be reading on...

I enjoyed reviewing Slum. The world of Julianna is a tragic tale, but full of hope as she tries to break free of her slum life and the seedy way she has to earn her living. I liked the continuous theme of the river, her final swim a 'cleansing' anology. The contrast with New York and Donna's world is dramatic, although the link to Children's Charities lies back well to the Julianna. Dan, I think your plot is well constructed and the characters compelling. I'm looking forward to reading more. Ive rated Slum with high stars. Best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killing Paradise

Hi Dan-

book- Slum-

Your very attractive and bright cover brought me in to read your book-

It took me five or six chapter to get settled in to this well written story, from then on it became quite an interesting read, as it moves along at a well paced read-

It captures superbly the pleasures and pain of the life of the characters-

highly rated- tom bye-
book- from hugs to kisses'
Please read some of mine as it depicts the slums of Dublin in the 40s- thanks Dan

Dan, you've crafted a remarkably good story - it's powerful, gripping and believable. The characters are well-drawn, the dialogue cannot be faulted, and you contrast the island's slum and big-city America to great effect. I can't understand why this story is not higher in the charts - perhaps you should consider changing the title. I read to halfway in one sitting and will finish it. Six stars and it'll be on my shelf next month.

Camac Johnson
Hemingway Quest

This compelling story subtly examines the defining issue of our times - the ever-widening gap between rich and poor. From the slums of Cienaga to the glitz of New York City, I felt drawn into the contrasting - and authentically realized - worlds of Julianna and Robert, wondering if they would ever overcome their differences and find a way to help Alba, and most intriguingly of all, possibly even find happiness together.

David
MASTER ACT: a memoir

SLUM
Backed twice! It is a brilliant story. The contrasting backgrounds of Juliana and Robbie get you hooked. The dialogues flow smoothly and the different worlds are well encapsulated in the first few chapters. I could instantly relate to Juliana's helplessness, Donna's frustration, her dilly-dallying and Robert's flamboyant character beneath which he carries his burden of sorrows. I am curious to know how Juliana and Robert take this story forward.
Best
Puja
(The Wise Man Says)

By the time I am through one quarter of the first chapter I am hooked, at chapter 22 six hours later my poor old eyes could focus no more, must and will finish tomorrow. In short a damn great read, too engrossed to find fault. very pleased this is on my shelf.

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

I've read just the first few chapters, but I like what I see. Your writing is clean and lean. You manage to paint a clear picture of your main characters' worlds, and slip in just the right amount of back story. High marks!
I found some very minor critique points, (if it was my novel, I'd want someone to tell me):
You say, "Mama's advice...." and then you tell us mama's advice, and then you say "mama had said." I'd lop off the "mama had said," part. It's plenty clear enough.
you say "the noise subsided (and peace returned to the river). That second phrase, I think, is unneeded. I'd just end it after subsided.
And then a typo: you said "his mind wondered". I'm pretty sure you meant "wandered"
Best of luck! Good reading! It's nice to find writer that knows his craft!

Dear Dan

I have read the first five chapters of "Slum". Your insightful book is a well-written expose of the divide between rich and poor, without any of the moralising that could put readers off their stride. You have a plot that feels convincing, an interesting, lively tale filled with detail and colour and dialogue that feels genuine.

I am very interested in this story and will be back to read more. In the meantime, high stars and on my WL.

All the best, Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-))

You paint a vivid picture of life in a Cienaga slum in the first chapter. Julianna is a strong purposeful lady with only one aim in her life and that is to improve her families way of life. I felt sorry for Donna having a boyfriend like Robert who takes her for granted and doesn't give her the love that she needs from him. I started to think the worst of Robert then I read chapter 3 and got a glimpse of what was behind his personality. The tragic deaths of his wife and children seems to have turned him into a shallow unfeeling person but it is apparent that there is a wealth of emotion just bursting to get out. Your writing style is very fluid and easy to read. Six stars and good luck on your way to the ED.

Kim (Pain)

SLUM
This is a good story. Julianna is a good character. She’s instantly likable because she’s working so hard to make her life better. Her concern for her daughter is touching. It’s a good contrast when Chapter 2 switches to New York; a long way off from women washing clothes in a rocky river. You have a good writing style for this; clear and easy to read. Makes it an overall good read. I’m adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Good narrative and dialogue, well thought out. You have captured certain male and female personalities perfectly!

Not really my type of genre, but hey a person can change their interests. I thought you wrote this book very well. It has nice pace and a good flow to it. I can't wait to read more later this week.
Thanks,
Scott Trimas
The Chimera Factor

~Slum~

This is such an inspirational, insightful and enlightening story that delves into the world of Mexican poverty, exotic dancing and prostitution. The rich, cultural and touristic San Cristobel really does contrast with the poverty-stricken slums of Cienaga.

I loved the characters of Julianna and Yolanda where, although both beautiful exotic dancers, Julianna is more successful than Yolanda simply because she has lighter skin that 'pleases the Americans.' I also loved Natalia, who is such a strong, earthy character with such an interesting backstory!

Slum is a fantastis gem of a read and not to be missed!!

6 stars and highly recommended!!!

Iman xxx

Miss Manners: http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

Mamma I am rooting for you, you can handle Pedro. The story is realistically presented and Julianna's character is strong and plausible, gritty although often humourous and I look forward to reading more, highly starred and I've even popped Slum on my shelf
regards
Sheila

chapter 13 was really good - I loved how Robert's view of the slums is being challenged.

First chapter: A realistic, exotic story. Interested to read more.

Hey Dan I just finished reading the first three chapters and as alway I feel that by being totally honest with writers on here will make us all better writers overall. I like the story so far but as of yet I just havent felt the WOW! factor. You know something that grabs the reader and makes them refuse to put the book down until its done. I absolutely admire your editing abilities and am somewhat envious. That where my book really lacks. But overall you are a gifted writier and I will continue to read and give feed back. I just would like to give as many as possible writers an initial comment. keep honing your craft I'm in your corner.

Watchlisted and starred, looking forward to reading more but your first two chapters have already drawn on my attention, so I will continue reading very soon then pop you on my shelf. :) regards
Sheila

Slum - by Dan Carroll
Slum is a well thought out and executed work. Chapter one starts its development slowly, but the quality of the writing and imagery kept me going. Julianna's character is developed and reinforced by the introduction of Natalia and then Yolanda. A clear picture emerges from the narration and the dialog.
The introduction of Robert and Donna sets a new pace and the storytelling becomes more and more inviting.
I have finished five chapters and will continue on, but I wanted to make some notes and let you know I am giving Slum copious stars and will place it on my shelf when there is room - soon.

Hoping you have a little time to indulge into a little Science Fiction with The Red Poppy. I see a lot of similarities in our styles.

P Alan Davis
The Red Poppy
Raindancer

This is the style of writing I love to read. You paint a very good visual picture, very descriptive. Only read 3 chapters but this is a book I'll continue to read. Stared highly, will comment again when I've read more.
Best wishes,
Olive Field.

I don't think I can give a better comment than Wussyboy wrote, but here are my thoughts. I only read to chapter ten, but your title "Slum" is spot on. Julianna and her goals of leaving the slum are admirable and enduring. Her respect for other's way of surviving (prosititution/living in the city) immediately establishes her character traits. Robbie discovers Pedro will not receive any medical help unless people are paid. This realization of what living in the slums is really like foreshadows the conflict and his character's growth very nicely. Overall a great story!

an example could be viewed www.orbisavalon.com Andy.

I don't understand, unless you're simply trying to direct me to your website for self-promotion. Did you read anything of SLUM? Would you like me to reciprocate? I would be happy to, if you are genuine.

Dan Carroll
SlumAuthor

This is well plotted and draws you in. The dialogue is carefuly crafted. A really enjoyable read

an example could be viewed www.orbisavalon.com Andy.

Dan, my only comment would be to look at the block text....ie margins, apply a simple justification and see how different it will look...open up in word select all then justify...

make the dialogue less cluttered because the actual writing is quite good.

I find it works for me..

Andrew David Doyle

I'm not a big fan of literary fiction - it usually puts me into a coma - but 'Slum' is an excellent read (you've been editing, haven't you, Dan?). Tight, gritty, and at times very funny ("I'm telling you, them sex perverts cause trouble!") this is an insight into a world few of us will ever visit, let alone read about. Julianna is finely judged central character - wise, self-sufficient and a born survivor, stripping for a living while her mother keeps up the illusion (for the benefit of simple hubby Pedro) that she making huge tips cleaning in big hotels.

The contrast between the shimmering buildings of 5-star package-tourist San Cristobel looming over the shanty-town 'blight' of the poverty-stricken slum is superbly evoked - it reminded me of cities like Bombay (Mumbai) and Calcutta. This is shaping up nicely, Dan - I'm racking you up to 6 stars.

Joe Kovacs
Rupee Millionaires.

Warrick, I want to read your first chapter too. Will do so shortly. Thank you again for reading Slum. -Dan

Thank you, Warrick, for reading my first chapter. I appreciate your comment.
Good luck to you,
Dan

Dan

A delightful story. I read chapter one. Error free, easy flowing with a relaxed style and nice believable dialogue.

Not a strong catch but probably just enough to keep the reader into chapter two. Thankfully the story is interesting and it reads so well that a stronger hook is not required.

Best regards
Warrick

Dan

A delightful story. I read chapter one. Error free, easy flowing with a relaxed style and nice believable dialogue.

Not a strong catch but probably just enough to keep the reader into chapter two. Thankfully the story is interesting and it reads so well that a stronger hook is not required.

Best regards
Warrick

just read all your posted chapters and would happily read more. This may just be me, but I felt like there wasn't enough explanation about what Robert was trying to achieve with McGraw - I don't know what an attestation is and felt frustrated trying to work out why it needed signing before the donation could be given (so maybe there needs to be a little more information given about this). Really great pace and excellent characterisation. Good luck with getting this to publication.

Great first chapter, will be reading on.

Thanks, Juliet Ann-- you're my first reader. Let me know if you'd like me to read anything of yours. It may not be immediate, though, as I'm still trying to get the hang of this site. Thanks!

Great first chapter, will be reading on.