Book Jacket

 

rank 5885
word count 13342
date submitted 12.05.2008
date updated 17.11.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

MEMORIES OF A LOST DREAM

Abdullah Khan

Story of dreams, desire, moral dilemma and misplaced optimism in the time of political voilence and social upheaval.

 

Set against the backdrop of the destruction of Babri Mosque and its aftermaths, it is the story of Arif, a lower middle class Muslim boy from a small town India. Arif aspires to join the coveted Indian Administrative service. He has been pursuing his dream with a missionary zeal until a middle-aged married Hindu woman, Sumitra, crosses his way and the course of his life is changed forever.

Culturally insightful with political undertones, it is actually three stories in one. One is simply the story of a boy – Arif, the central character, who deals with love, lust and ambitions as he goes through the painful process of growing up. The second is Arif’s story too, but it is also the story of a Muslim boy in particular, and this flows into a larger narrative of being a Muslim in post-Babri India, with its own challenges and anxieties. The third is the story of India itself, not the India that exists in the cities, but the India of villages and small towns.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

asian, ayodhaya, bihar, india, literary, literary fiction, motihari, patna

on 1 watchlists

38 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
alchemist wrote 1657 days ago

You have a great sense for setting and creating a scene, but when it comes to your character the writing is less inviting. I wouldn't mention what is in his bag at that point, but go straight to what he's reading. Somehow the parts in the book is reading are more engaging than the person reading them, so maybe you can add a bit more about the character, maybe something about his feelings, etc or the diary will be the star of the novel (unless it's what you want).

cutley wrote 1856 days ago

What an original and enticing style you have. I have only read the first instalment so far (I mean the bit that appears in Authonomy's chapter one). I shall certainly be reading some more.

Elijah Enyereibe Iwuji wrote 1859 days ago

Dear Khan,
Beautiful opening. Your story is inviting and nice, but do something on the seperation of the prose and dialogue. Although I have only read chapter one, but hope you are actually going to unfold the hilarious part of the script as you arrange the punctuations that are recklessly scattered. Khan, I suggest that such a wonderful story should go with much dialogue. I know Patna very well because I have lived in Bombay. I suggest again you add little comic dialogue to arouse more of the reader's curiousity as you still keep the pace. I will surely read the rest of the chapter very soon.

toscka wrote 1860 days ago

Salam Khan, I enjoyed this. I know Patna very well. I think you need to go over some of it. Your second setence nearly switched me off - repetition of the word 'storm', and a touch of overwriting; for my tastes it would be better and feel like you were trying less hard if you simply said "dust from Patna's unpaved roads sprinkled in the air', monstrous hands etc seemed like overkill. Same with the second para, we've already been told about the dust. It might read better if you just say 'the rain comes and washes the sky clean." Then cut straight to Arif on platform 1, but try and avoid repetition of words again. Two platforms... I would say that my interest really began with Sumitra and for that reason I would trim the opening. It is all atmospher and nice atmosphere, but I would cut it a little to coax the reader in. Hope this doesn't sound too critical. As I say, I was back in Patna, and it's been a while. Good luck.

Khan wrote 580 days ago

Thanks for reading and for pointing out the mistakes. Looking forward to read your book. Thanks again.

Love the concept and I really hope you can pull it off. I suspect you've done a lot of work on it in the time you've been on the site, but there is still some tidying up to do - starting with 'leisurely ' in the second paragraph: spelt wrong and also an adjective. 'Idly',maybe? (Sorry! I used to be an English teacher...) I should love to read the final, tidied up version, though. On my watchlist...

Hermione wrote 580 days ago

Love the concept and I really hope you can pull it off. I suspect you've done a lot of work on it in the time you've been on the site, but there is still some tidying up to do - starting with 'leisurely ' in the second paragraph: spelt wrong and also an adjective. 'Idly',maybe? (Sorry! I used to be an English teacher...) I should love to read the final, tidied up version, though. On my watchlist...

Daniel Manning wrote 879 days ago

Great story, real polished writing I'll rate with three stars.
Daniel Manning
No Compatibility.

Nick Poole2 wrote 1217 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Tammy Snyder wrote 1381 days ago

Your story is very appealing. There are some things I didn't understand as I don't know the language at all but I can pick up the general idea.
Shelved.
Tammy
The Chimney Still Stands

Andrew W. wrote 1381 days ago

The Sacred Tree

Hi Abdullah,

I know little of the cultural experiences that are the centre-piece of your work, but I feel now much more familiar with them through your detailed and exact description of them. The story is gently written, sensual actually, you clearly care about much here, from the cow working its way along the station platform to the railway workers with their trolley. The problem I think you have is pacing, this is gentle yes, sensitive - but it does not proceed quickly enough and there is a tendency to over describe things we will have already got. For example in the paragraph that begins "Wake up Beat, Breafast," I wonder if you could edit it as follows: His mother's voice, he turned away from the light streaming through his window and searched for more sleep in his pillow. I don't know what a Bhagalpuri is and it flung me out of the story as I had no way of picturing this. The authentic language is important, but perhaps we need a glossary somewhere.

I am intrigued by your story and will come back and read some more, in the mean-time I hope at least some of what I have said is helpful and strikes a resonance with you. Great writing, you capture the time, place and details of the places you describe so well.

Best wishes

Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

jasouders wrote 1387 days ago

This was intriguing, but I have to agree with a few of the other people about some of the writing being "less inviting." I enjoyed the read so far and time permitting will be back to read more.

nsllee wrote 1414 days ago

Hi Abdullah

I love this. It is so different. It takes you into a different world and is so simply and feelingly written. I like the episodic structure too. This is genuinely fresh and quite unlike anything else I have read on this site. Well done and shelved. You deserve to be higher up the ratings.

Nicole

Yolanda Christian wrote 1460 days ago

Dear Abdullah,
[Due credit crunch and kaputt computer, I’ll be reviewing only covers (I have publication design experience), pitches and first chapters.]
This is my kind of book: the title, the setting, your own ethnicity which intrigues me, the opeing paragraph woudl all have me. As the paragraphs progress, it could be a matter of further distilling as is true of most writers. Because I am so interested in this genre, I will back the book and dip into over the following weeks. regards,
Yolanda Christian
Eye of an Artist

JamesG wrote 1496 days ago

Hi Abdullah, I have read some of this. You can certainly write and I liked this in parts, but it still needs a little work.
I think your biggest issue is overwriting - sometimes it can be more effective to step out of your style and sya something
very simply. Remove some of those descriptives and add some simplicity.
Some suggestions:
Don't repeat the same phrase at the beginning, it is used twice 'dust particles'
'almost sad face' and 'almost empty' too close together, remove an 'almost' or change it
his hands were firmly on the bed, balancing his sleep-stricken body - sounds better i think
Best of luck with this, feel free to ignore my comments if you don't agree with them.
Regards,
James

Martin Horton wrote 1513 days ago

It beggars belief why this book isn't climbing the charts. Okay, perhaps because you haven't uploaded enough, but, as I said a while back, your talent oozes from the page.

I'm going to plug this in the forum. It deserves it.

http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/Posts.aspx?threadId=22446

Martin.
(My House on the Fjord)

Lord Dunno wrote 1525 days ago

This is like taking a spirit journey to India, one that no tourist could ever make. It's dream-like and full of yearning and melancholy and life. Love the notebook segments. I could really see Maya and her kohl-lined eyes. This is as romantic and tortuous as life itself.

Martin Horton wrote 1525 days ago

Wow!

On my WL for this alone:

"The inginant evening, thoroughly beaten by a storm...."

From what I have read, this beautiful, provovative piece of work is The Siege of Krisnapaur / The Tiger by the River * Midnights Children.

I look forward to reading more.

Martin.

(My House on the Fjord)
(The Art of Tragedy)

Christopher Roy Denton wrote 1583 days ago

Hi Abdullah!

I've just read chapters one to four.

In the notebook there is a Ghazal, which is said to have been written in Urdu. If it was written in Urdu, how come it rhymes so well in English?

I loved the image of Shaitan pissing into his mouth. lol! Brilliant!

This insight into the life of Pathans living in India today is really interesting. I enjoyed reading this.

One thing that concerns me a little is the many shifts in chronology. You begin in the 'future' after the relationship may have finished. Then you slip to the lady's pov and it's after he has failed to show up on the rooftop. Then we seem to go back in time a little to him waking up. But, I could follow it.

The subject of forbidden love is an interesting one. I shall return and read more later. For now I'll put your book on my WL.

All the best,
Chris :-)



Ali Cooper wrote 1631 days ago

Hi. there are parts of this that are truly beautiful and original. the indignant evening. a wonderful start. I think it would help for you to go thru this with a friend for whom english is their first language - I'm guessing it isn't for you - just to correct any little slips and typos eg should be violence in the pitch. I'll give it a boost on my shelf tho. Ali.

stewartronen wrote 1637 days ago

Hi Abdullah,

Already the first paragraphs have drawn me in. I love your poetic style and attention to detail. Your descriptions give a vivid image of the setting and I really feel I am entering an intriguing place I've never been before. I look forward to reading more...
Beste regards,
Stewart

Erin Yes wrote 1650 days ago

Your point of view is interesting, and the story distinctive. You do need to do some editing, and be more precise. Notes: "evening" cannot be "indignant," only people can; dust is by definition particles. Avoid adjectives and adverbs where possible. They are clumsy and only slow the story and reader down. The second paragraph, for instance, is better. But again, dust can't be unsuspecting; you could say there that it;s still dancing in the air when it's hit by rain. Please don't use "almost" or start a sentence with "But" unless absolutely necessary. I see the variance with "proper" English, but it's something that could be set up near the beginning of the book as the dialect of this part of India.
This story of sacred love, sad and filled with risk, should do well. Good luck.

alchemist wrote 1657 days ago

You have a great sense for setting and creating a scene, but when it comes to your character the writing is less inviting. I wouldn't mention what is in his bag at that point, but go straight to what he's reading. Somehow the parts in the book is reading are more engaging than the person reading them, so maybe you can add a bit more about the character, maybe something about his feelings, etc or the diary will be the star of the novel (unless it's what you want).

stewartronen wrote 1662 days ago

Hi Abdullah,
I've just put your book on my watch list. When I read about the dream, I had to think of my own book too...I'll start reading yours soon...
best regards,
Stewart

Derec wrote 1693 days ago

This is a great discovery - lovely writing and insightful and allowing me a rare glimpse of a world I know nothing about but you make it so familiar - going to shelve it immediately

Khan wrote 1749 days ago

Dear EricB,

Thanks a lot for taking time to read my novel. I would try to improve........ see I was mostly educated in Hindi/Urdu medium. That is why I make mistake.
If possible kindly forward your pointed comments to mail ID abdullah71@gmail.com

EricB wrote 1749 days ago

Hm. I like it, initially, but your grammar needs working on, really.

The first chapter is very evocative - not of the Patna I have visited, but not more than half a season away: I have only been twice. I would like to see your descriptive chapter of Patna developed. Not necessarily for this story, but ...

As for the love across religions slant, it didn't pull me in, and I lost interest very quickly, I'm afraid. I wasn't convinced.

I want to see more - a short story would be good; but this isn't the place, is it ? :-)

Primrose Hill wrote 1824 days ago

This came to life for me with the opening of Sumitra's diary. Perhaps it has something to do with the switch to first person narrative? At any rate it is certainly more engaging from then on and more settled in style, as if you have by theninternalised the narrative..
I agree with Toscka that the beginning is a little overwritten, and I should also like to add that so much use of the passive voice may hinder engagement. But the beginning is always difficult.
I hope I can come back to read more.

kwasumang wrote 1840 days ago

good read khan...i am enjoying this...please feel free to have a taste of my broth...kwasumang

Litlove wrote 1849 days ago

This was a very pleasant read. You have an interesting style. My only comment is that I would have liked to understand the situation sooner and with greater clarity. It helps me to engage with your characters. But a promising start.

garmac wrote 1854 days ago

Dear Khan, I am really enjoying your story, nice atmospheric detail, and interesting characters. I hope to keep up with this as it develops.

cutley wrote 1856 days ago

What an original and enticing style you have. I have only read the first instalment so far (I mean the bit that appears in Authonomy's chapter one). I shall certainly be reading some more.

Khan wrote 1858 days ago

Dear Tosca,

I have made a few changes as suggested by you. Please forward me your specific suggestions on my mail ID abdullah71@gmail.com if time permits.

Thanks.

Elijah Enyereibe Iwuji wrote 1859 days ago

Dear Khan,
Beautiful opening. Your story is inviting and nice, but do something on the seperation of the prose and dialogue. Although I have only read chapter one, but hope you are actually going to unfold the hilarious part of the script as you arrange the punctuations that are recklessly scattered. Khan, I suggest that such a wonderful story should go with much dialogue. I know Patna very well because I have lived in Bombay. I suggest again you add little comic dialogue to arouse more of the reader's curiousity as you still keep the pace. I will surely read the rest of the chapter very soon.

Khan wrote 1860 days ago

Dear beth,
Thanks for your comments.
Would you kind enough to explain following sentence:
the style might benefit from more 'showing' as opposed to 'telling' as it sometimes comes across as a little self-conscious/laboured.

Cockaigne wrote 1860 days ago

Hi Khan
I've read on and I am enjoying your story but I think it is highlighting one of the problems of Authonomy for me - I'm not a natural on-screen user - although I use computers for work and for typing my own novels, I actually find it difficult to read long pieces of prose this way and don't enjoy it. Perhaps I'm just too old to take to the ebook concept but one of the things I enjoy about reading is the physical process of reading a book, turning the pages etc.and perhaps this is why I'm being slow to fill my bookshelf - the problem is with my reading experience.

Having said that, I like the way the narrative moves around and haven't been put off by the need for some editing - although as beth says it may be worthwhile trying to tighten up on some of that.

Sorry not to be more helpful, if I get more used to onscreen reading I may be able to make more constructive comments in future

toscka wrote 1860 days ago

Salam Khan, I enjoyed this. I know Patna very well. I think you need to go over some of it. Your second setence nearly switched me off - repetition of the word 'storm', and a touch of overwriting; for my tastes it would be better and feel like you were trying less hard if you simply said "dust from Patna's unpaved roads sprinkled in the air', monstrous hands etc seemed like overkill. Same with the second para, we've already been told about the dust. It might read better if you just say 'the rain comes and washes the sky clean." Then cut straight to Arif on platform 1, but try and avoid repetition of words again. Two platforms... I would say that my interest really began with Sumitra and for that reason I would trim the opening. It is all atmospher and nice atmosphere, but I would cut it a little to coax the reader in. Hope this doesn't sound too critical. As I say, I was back in Patna, and it's been a while. Good luck.

beth wrote 1861 days ago

'idiosyncrasies' even! What can I say, it's late!

beth wrote 1861 days ago

Hi Khan, I think there's some real potential here and I love the way you home in on the idiosyncracies of your characters and descriptive detail. It might be worth your while getting someone to proofread your work - it's very difficult to edit your own stuff! I also think that the style might benefit from more 'showing' as opposed to 'telling' as it sometimes comes across as a little self-conscious/laboured. That said, lots of the narrative was very appealing - particularly for something that's not a genre I would normally go for - and really drew me in.

Khan wrote 1862 days ago

Thanks Cockaigne for you kind words. Looking forward for your detailed comments.

Lexi wrote 1862 days ago

To a Londoner, your novel's setting is exotic, and it's fascinating to read about everyday life the other side of the world. I like the poetic nature of some of the writing. I read the first three chapters; my interest quickened when I got to Sumitra's diary, and I wonder whether it might be better to have this as chapter two - but then you'd lose the structure of the novel's opening, where we go backwards in time with Arif.

There are some spelling/grammatical errors, and a repeated paragraph in chapter three, but I found the story of a young man's life, and the illicit mutual attraction between two unlikely people an interesting read.

Cockaigne wrote 1862 days ago

Hi Khan
I've had a quick look at it and am intrigued by your mixture of writing styles - I liked the way that the electricity employees concern for VIPs followed on from the poetic opening. So I'll come back again when I have more time.

Khan wrote 1862 days ago

Everybody invited to read my book and give their honest opinion. Any type of constructive criticism is welcome.

Abdullah Khan , India

1