Read books online - A True Thug Willsin by David Ware

HarperCollins Wrote

‘A True Thug Willsin’ presents a gritty, seedy tale, the brutality and realism of which makes it both hard to read and difficult to put down. You have created an interesting novel, yet one that, paradoxically, appears badly-dressed: the alternative content of your book is told with a written style that detracts from its power. You have a fantastic setting, and some strong characters, yet it seems at times that style and structure have not received enough attention to do justice to the quality of your imagination.

Your introductory paragraphs put you at an immediate risk of putting off many readers, which is a great shame, as your book is in fact both accessible and enjoyable. As a mechanism to catch the attention of the reader and compel them to continue, these paragraphs do not do their job. However, your anecdote of Willsin as a child, on the other hand, does. While it does not endear the reader to your protagonist, it is intriguing, and offers a sufficient advertisement for what is to follow, without the blurb that precedes it.

You write well, but in places this actually works to the detriment of the book. In the chapters told from the perspective of Willsin, both the voice of your protagonist and the edginess of your content are diluted by your conventional sentence structure and the style of your narrative. Punchier sentences could add energy to your narrative, and allow the personality of your protagonist to come across to a greater extent.

I would also recommend reconsidering your use of the past tense; if told in the present tense, and told entirely from the perspective of Willsin, you could inject a greater degree of dynamism into your story, and offer the reader a more intimate understanding of the thoughts and sentiments of your protagonist. Also, your transition from third-person to first-person is confusing, and seems inconsistent; it is distracting to have some chapters where Willsin is referred to in the third-person, others told from his perspective, and passages told through the eyes of JJ. Such switches detract from the fluidity of your story, as do a few grammatical errors.

Your dialogue is one of the greatest strengths of the book: each character’s individuality comes across well, your choice of language is effective, and conversations flow smoothly. For the most part, you convey lewdness with strength; your writing is darkly comic in a Tarantino-like manner. There is the odd line, however, that lets down the overall quality – for instance in Chapter Four, Shake and Bake’s explanation of the “snapback Boo” is funny, but “I know my girls like I knew when I had VD” marks the awkward moment when a joke goes too far, and the room goes quiet. Given the content of your book, and your ability to write street slang authentically, I wonder whether your narrative may be more immersive and exciting if written in a similarly unconventional style.

The actual content of your novel is exciting, and you pace your story well. By paralleling separate storylines, you keep the reader interested, especially given the short, sharp nature of your chapters. However, there does not seem to be a main focal storyline; The characters, dramatic developments, and gritty setting are a great basis, but there needs to be more direction. The excitement you create throughout the novel – such as in your ‘shoot-ups’ – could be enhanced if they were part of a bigger, clearer objective.

You have strong, clear characters, but without greater depth, and more explanation of the relationship dynamics between them, they are in danger of being read as stereotypes. The back-history you give of Willsin’s relationships with Bake-and-Shake and Queen Bee really enhance our involvement of the story, but we need more of this. We find out little about what drives either Willsin or JJ; moreover, we are left in the dark about Willsin’s relationship with God, which could add an interesting dimension to the story. None of your characters show much of a moral conscience either, which makes them hard to identify with or empathise with as a reader. If the novel draws on personal experience, then you are in a far greater position than many writing in this genre to understand your characters, and make them believable.

Your novel depicts an absorbing, if deplorable, world, and is a real page-turner. You tick a lot of boxes for the genre, and push the boundaries of acceptability without overstepping. However, by injecting more of both your personality and that of your protagonist into the style of the writing, giving more focus to the plot, and greater depth to your characters, you could give the story the muscle, intrigue and integrity it deserves.

mick hanson wrote 422 days ago

This is definately edge of the seat stuff - From the word go when Sin is driving down to meet the man I got an immediate feel for it. It got more and more interesting and I wanted to know what was going to happen. I mean the torture scene when Algonda gets the tube stuck up his arse, at first I couldn't work out why, and then when the barbed wire was shoved up his "jacksy" my eyes started watering. The brutality, sodomy, murder, and sadism are exactly that and are very well handled, you certainly manage to bring that home to the reader in the goriest fashion possible. I mean when Sin was shot I was left guessing as to what would happen next, and woe and behold, he had a bullet proof vest on, which made me kind of smile that he was going to survive. Whilst this is going on we have a sex scene back at The Pleasure Palace and when I started reading that I just wandered how far you would go. I noticed that in your sex scene everyone is gifted, although I did find it a bit embarrassing, but then again I'm English. Then we have the best drugs, drinks, clothes, cars, technology, houses, everyone speaks the lingo and hangs out in the right places. i mean is this cool or what, but then again we're dealing with Satan right, and I guess he must be a mixture of Snoop Dog, Cyprus Hill, Biggy Smalls, Tu Pac, and a hundred other Gangsta Rap guys. But I must take my hat off to you in the sense that this writing is ALIVE and KICKING and whether I like the violence or not it is certainly buzzing. Backed for its vibrancy - Regards Mick

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Amy Pope wrote 432 days ago

I think your book is brilliant - i just read chapter 14, it was like A Clockwork Orange in its almost poetic orchestration of violence. Amazing. I was almost put off by the Christian stuff, but you are a powerful writer and I think you would be an inspiration to people that culture either exploits, undermines or ignores. Maybe the drive of the book is, as you say, the fact that you are delivering an extremely powerful sermon, that you do have something urgent to say, as well as the fact you have a gift for saying it.

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Kerrie Price wrote 437 days ago

Hi David, as a Christian minister, I would never normally read a book like this. However, it is extremely well written, the storyline flows smoothly, and I agree with others that it would make a great film for those who like those kinds of films. For me it is an alien world! I'm not making any judgment about that. It's just a statement of fact. When I was eight years old, I dedicated my life to serve God and people, and have done so ever since. My book 'Survival Guide for Christians' is a reflection of the life I've lived, and would be just as alien to you as yours is to me. Wow. Isn't it amazing that two people can live on the same plantet, in two totally different worlds!

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Kim Padgett-Clarke wrote 466 days ago

I read your biography and I can understand why you would like your novel to be made into a film. I could see the movie playing in my head as I was reading. The characters are just outstanding. Each one has a strong unique personality that fits into the main story like the piece of a very complex jigsaw. Their names also made me smile. I will never look at Shake 'N' Bake on a supermarket shelf again without giving a wry little smile! You give the reader a glimpse of Willsins dark insane world. Well done, and six well deserved stars.

Kim (Pain)

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GCleare wrote 487 days ago

Just checked out your book and I am captivated. This is very different from anything else I've read on Authonomy. When the agents and publishers say they are looking for something with a unique "voice," this is what they are undoubtedly talking about. I'm knocked out by your fantastic dialogue, most of all. But the narrative voice is really cool too, and the characters are vivid and full of personality. A few areas need proofreading/editing, as has been noted by other Autho readers. I'm not sure about the plot yet, the son of Satan idea reminds me of a bad horror flick, kind of cliche. Need to read more to know for sure. But I could see this turning into a dynamite movie script if it gets as exciting as i think it's going to... High stars. ~Gail SECRETS WE KEEP

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made wrote 213 days ago

Loved every word

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desiree lane wrote 239 days ago

Congratulations on making the'Review'

D. Lane
Freedom Rings

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Sara Stinson wrote 242 days ago

Congratulations!
Sara Stinson
FingerBones

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Davidmauriceware wrote 243 days ago

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Kathie Bondar wrote 245 days ago

I am not much into reading food/money/sex works. Publishing your complaints about corrupt local government won't have much effect. If I was you I would try to gather some real evidence then try the court system. Then you will really know what hell on earth is like. Investigative yournalist might be of help.
I applaud the effort, though. Hopefully it is a start to a writing career.

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Abby Vandiver wrote 267 days ago

This is very good. I 'm sure you dodn't need that comment now that you are published (Congrats) but I figure I would add my two cents. I could just pict "baby Mack Daddy" hitting on his fifth grade teacher. God bless you. With the focus on redemption I think you have one over on Triple Crown!

Good job.

Abby

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wingping wrote 344 days ago

What an amazing read, really enjoy it.

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juliaus wrote 380 days ago

Congratulations, David! Well done on making it to the editors desk. Brilliant.
Juli (Trusting Claude)

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R.J. Stanley wrote 381 days ago

Congratulations David!!! So glad you made it all the way!

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Mister Stephens wrote 382 days ago

Hello; This is interesting, I just discovered your work - by another Detroiter. We seem to be all over the place, with stories from this place. Best of luck, Ron Stephens (Cardinals Elephants and Oos)

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KenQld wrote 382 days ago

G’day! David Ware!

Well done, mate. Well done indeed!

Your fans have been praying and cheering you for such a long time!

But it’s all been worth it – hasn’t it?

And we can all sit back and sigh with great relief now – while you go out and make whoopee...

Have fun... but do be careful... we don’t want to lose you now!

Cheers!

Regards,
KEN BLOWERS
Brisbane, Australia

For your readers who don’t know me so well,
I’m no novelist, but I have put up
6 books of short stories, and
5 books of one-act plays.
Plus a book of 1,000 daily quotations – & another on the way...
Here's the link to see all my book covers at once:
(and my wife loves my draft shopping list every week)
http://www.authonomy.com/managebookshelf.aspx
And this is one for my profile:
http://www.authonomy.com/writing-community/profile/me/?action=updated

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jlbwye wrote 382 days ago

True Thug Willson. I said I would,and your number's come up, so here goes! But I warn you - the pitches put trembling into my heart, and your book is just not my scene...
I tend to notice nits - hope you dont mind.

Ch.1. The Introduction makes no bones about what to expect. I'll give you that, and the attitude of the narrator appears to me rather juvenile, but of course, he's only ten. The naming business made me smile. And so did the conclusion of the chapter!

Ch.2. You've changed tenses in the space of that first sentence.
And you've split an infinitive in the second paragraph: easily remedied merely if you delete 'always', which is one of those unnecessary / vague words that slow the flow of a story anyway.
The problem with writing in the first person is too many 'I's.
But you leave a good hook to make the reader want to turn to the next chapter...

It looks as if, despite all your misgivings, you have finally made it to the ED. Well done with all that marketing!

Jane (Breath of Africa).

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nightskyfantasy wrote 383 days ago

I have to say that while I don't really like Willsin - he's too arrogant for me - he is a realistic character. I know plenty of people who sound like him. The blunt first person narrative only serves to highlight his character traits. It's an interesting read so far.

Peace and snowflakes,
Nightskyfantasy

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Sue50 wrote 383 days ago

Definitely ready for the editor's desk! Happy to back your work. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck!
Sue50

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Daniel Rider wrote 384 days ago

"A True Thug Willsin" looks as though it is heading for the Editor's Desk in the next couple days and it deserves to. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked Willsin, a cocky, lively gangster from the word go. I think it's the first person narrative that really makes this book pop because I was hooked from the first two sentences where Willsin analyzes his own name: "Will-sin. What kind of bullcrap is that to name a child?" I had been skeptical of the name "Willsin" for a character at the beginning, so this beginning totally knocked me off my feet and made me burst out laughing.

If you read this book, prepare to be entertained in unexpected ways, and shocked in others. Most of all, prepare to enjoy this book. From the short introduction to Will-sin's growing up days (hilarious little story here!) to his intelligent life of crime, this book is a winner.

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Annette Russell wrote 384 days ago

A truly riveting read! I'm glad to see A True Thug Willsin where it belongs - on the Editor's Desk.

I love how Willsin gets his name, and his first day at school is a great opening chapter!

Best wishes, David,

Annette

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Tony Colina wrote 384 days ago

hi Dave,
just read the first three chapters of your book and found them exquisite. maybe, but not only, because the kind of atmosphere in them is not totally alien to me - not that different from what you can find in my OF RUST AND RAIN. i just luv the chioce of the name for willsin (as the Latins - i mean Romans - said: nomen omen 'in your name lies your fate') and the unfolding of his character. for my money, definitely high-star stuff. full backing from me.

tony colina / OF RUST AND RAIN

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Alecia Stone wrote 384 days ago

Okay, when I first saw the title and read the blurb, I thought this wasn't going to be for me, but, I like to give everything a chance, so I started to read the book. Right away I started laughing. It was just what I needed. Love the characterisation. You write very well.

So far, it's an enjoyable read. All the best to you.

Alecia :)

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Jeannette Maree wrote 385 days ago

Sorry David, I can’t back your book. It’s all been done before – too many times over, and we don’t need to see your book as a movie. There already is far too much violence on the screen as it is. On the good side, you write well. Jeannette Maree –Café After Closing

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fatema wrote 386 days ago

"Welcome to the Pleasure Palace, a place where all of your fetishes can be fulfilled for a price. How much? Just your soul."
"exposes the deceitful ways Satan manipulates through money, drugs and sex, his three most successful, Worldly weapons."
The above quotes are very much truth and a good source of teaching. Well written with great phrases.

Although the story is not my type of read due to all the happenings. It is an action type for particual group of peopel though very insightful for all types.
Good luck and hope that helps.

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markin2500 wrote 390 days ago

Brilliant ! You deserve that high ranking.

If you can, take a look at mine. Different style but worth the read (True Crime)

Michael Arkin
Judiical Indiscretion

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Isoje David wrote 391 days ago

oh my God, I love this book and I would read all.

Isoje David
Animals In Paradise

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Ballantrae wrote 394 days ago

David, I agree with the edge of the seat comment. I have not read a book on here that kept me wanting to get back to it as soon as i had a minute to spare. Ready to buy the movie when it comes out.:)
Six stars and on my shelf.
Bal

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SpicePepe wrote 396 days ago

Hi David
Phew! I noramlly would not read this genre and did not go too far into the book, but it is fast paced and well-written from what I read. All the best with it.
My book The Road from Makhonjwa is different.
All the best
Bridget

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billysunday wrote 396 days ago

You evidently don't need any more comments and there is nothing to criticize. Your brilliant work stands alone-great writing, great plot, and great character told through the "I" perspective. This is something I would read, buy and recommend. A 6 star no-brainer! Hope HC publishes you! Dina Rae

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Cyrus Hood wrote 396 days ago

Hi David, I have just cleared all my books from Authonomy and posted a new work, Hellion 2. There are issues within this work that I am most anxious to get right. Would you please take a look and let me know if there is anything that you feel might cause offence, regarding the holocaust.

many thanks

Cyrus

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Amy Smith wrote 398 days ago

I wouldn't typiccally read a book like this, but i've been persuaded!
The pace was brilliant and held my interest all the way through. Credit to you for making Wilsin, a character i would normally dislike intensely, actually a character that we are backing all the way through this, willing events to go his way. That's a very tircky thing to achieve, and you have deffinitly pulled it off here.
You handle the changes in view point well, and despite the large cast of characters it wasn't too confusing.
It was a little confusing when JJ's gang were introduced as there were so many of them, at times it was difficult to distinguish between them all.
Also, i did notice occasions when you mentioned how a character felt about a situation whilst writing from another's perspective. Try to avoid this unless you are changeing perspective to a different character altogether as it is confusing for the reader and makes them ask how does Wilsin for example know that Nicky is thinking/feeling that?
These issues aside, this is a brilliant book that's gritty, honest and fast paced with snappy dialogue and gripping action to hold the readers' interest. One of the things i loved about this book was that nothing was written that didn't need to be and every word was essential for the telling of the story.
Great job!
Highly starred and backed
Best of luck with this,
Amy :)

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patio wrote 400 days ago

fantastic piece....

still reading

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jenniferkillby wrote 400 days ago

Hello

A very unique and true grit story. I haven't read something this raw in a long time. You have a "matter of fact" voice which makes the story alluring. I work with felony juvenile offenders off the street so I smiled with the first chapter and WillSin when he was little. It reminded me of a few of the kids I've worked with. This will definitely have a following and may be movie material. Great job with this and good luck.

Jennifer

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Thomas C. wrote 401 days ago

David, Willsin is off the chain. I"ve only had time to indulge a few pages but from what I see so far, I like it. I'm putting this on my watchlist and will finish it and let you know what I think. When you get itme, check out Grand Rouge. My Thriller/Paranormal. It touches on hate and how sometimes we as a world breed cruelty through cruelty.
Thomas C.

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jinnferk wrote 402 days ago

Hello,
my name is JENNIF from West Africa, i saw your profile and i love it, i think we can make it together.Please i will like you to email me back through my email thus;(jenniferbadara2012@yahoo.co.uk) . I will be waiting to recieve your lovely reply soon,
JENNIF.

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fatema wrote 403 days ago

Welldone you did well!
read aChe in my heart and comment please.

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J C Michael wrote 405 days ago

This may well be x-rated stuff but it's undeniably gripping and well written. No wonder it's heading to the Ed's desk. You don't need anything from me other than stars and support so I'll leave it at that.
James

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Laura_D_Purcell wrote 405 days ago

This isn't the kind of thing I usually read but the pitch looked interesting and I found myself caught when I started reading. Very original, I think it has a lot of potential. The wording could do with a bit of tightening - just some words that aren't really needed there eg you could take out the "then" on the last sentence of chapter one. With the help of a professional editor you could be onto something really good here.

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Olga13 wrote 405 days ago

hi david, your book is now number 2 ready to be reviewed by ED...is taht fine now that i remove it for the others members or i should wait? please advice? all the best...olga x

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Mindy Haig wrote 406 days ago

Hi David,
I admit this is not my usual genre. I think it is well written, and engaging, but the violence is too much for me.
I wish you the best!
Mindy
The Wishing Place

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Permac wrote 406 days ago

Very good writing! Not quite the style I go for, but very good writing none the less. Hope you stay on the table. Best of luck to you!

Permac
The Eyes of Tokorel

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patio wrote 407 days ago

good read

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Goonerpat wrote 407 days ago

but thats my opinion. i am just a novice trying to learn about writing a classic so who am i to pass expert judgment on someones effort

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Goonerpat wrote 407 days ago

not my cup of tea. sin if everywhere and the book thrives on depravity and mayhem...it has been done before..

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Elizabeth.NYC wrote 407 days ago

I didn't know what to expect, but I must say this book is brilliant. I'm a big fan of dialogue driven stories, and WillSin has some of the quickest, most clever dialogue I've read. The overall voice of the story (and first-person is ideal for this) is thoroughly enjoyable - comic, smart, and a bit wicked. Great work that I think will find a huge audience. I look forward to your HC review. High stars and on my desk shortly.
Bravo,
Lizzi

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Melissa Writes wrote 407 days ago

I think your book is amazing, very well written and insightful. The opening is engaging and the descriptions of the violence are very powerful.
I wish you the best of luck with this unique and appealing book.
Melissa
Lessons in the Dark

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philip john wrote 408 days ago

Sorry, David. I support many a writer but this simply not my kind of book. What I have read is well written but the content is not for me.

Best wishes Philip John

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Gail Pallotta wrote 408 days ago

Hi David,
Thanks for your message. I'm not familiar with your subject matter, so I can't comment on that, but the writing is excellent. The reader clearly sees the scenes, and your hooks at the end of the chapters are great. The reader definitely wants to go to the next chapter to see what will happen. I've read three chapters. I could see this coming across my television screen one day. I'm giving it many stars.
I have a teen novel, Stopped Cold. I hope you'll come by to read some of it and will feel you can rank it and back it.

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Cupcakecalamity wrote 408 days ago

Haha! I love the intro! Enthusiastically backed!

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Christian Bell wrote 408 days ago

This is great writing. Cant crit this just admire the style. Love the name WillSin "also love Wilson Picket" LOL. Also my handle on my hub-site is Scarface1300, so ya no I gotta like him LOL. You write a good read so I will be back to finish this story off later. Read 6 chapters and loved it. Rated 6 and Backed, and a new friend to boot.
Good luck with this.

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R.J. Stanley wrote 408 days ago

David,

Thank you so much for your kind introduction and helpful tip! I am new to the sight and really appreciate it :)

Your book is so realistic, it is obvious you have lived out those emotions and situations personally. It can't be easy to relive those events through your writing, but God bless you that you are willing to in order to bring others to Christ. May He bless you immensely for that, but most of all for having the courage to turn YOUR life around to follow Him. That is wonderful!

As far as technical - excellent. I am just left in awe and wanting to find out what is going to happen and which characters will find the Lord. Gave you a great star rating!

God bless,
RJ Stanley
Why Didn't Someone Tell Me? The Truth About Love

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Dave Weaver wrote 409 days ago

Hi David, I read four chapters and feel like I'm in the middle of the scene, right in the smart-arse conversation so you've put me there really well. I could do with more descriptive passages about the place they're in and what the characters look like and maybe a few step back and observe moments using metaphor to detach the reader a little and give them an overview of what's going down, but then I guess you might lose the urgency and sense of menace which would be a shame. 'You better check him before I wreck him' has got to be one of my all time favourite quotes, I'm going to nick that one for mates. Like his name, very catchy and obviously going to link with the devil motif throughout. I would drop the intro about it though, it's a bit heavy handed and unnecessary. Start right with the childhood memory of the sexy teacher then break almost mid-sentence into the present day action, like he's just snapped out of a comforting reverie and back into the danger of the present. Don't make the guy obviously bad or boastful, let us see that in him by his actions. Badness is always better shown than talked about, just hit us with it when we least expect it, when our guard is down, when we think 'hey this guy seems alright... fuck!!' That's what Stephen King does, sucks you in then hits you between the eyes. So pretty neat stuff, good luck, I'll put this on my watch list. Cheers!

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Tom Bye wrote 409 days ago

Hello David-
book -A true thug Wilsin-

After reading almost all of this brilliant gangster book- well 14 chapters and scan read some mere-
I can honestly say that it is just electric; It'a a rollarcoaster ride from start to finish- the prose and dialogue so smart and witty the read just jumps out of the screen- A page turner if ever there was one-

True saying - sell your soul to that devil man, and he controls- that's for sure- the world is full of the sons of Satan-

love the cover depicting the palace and loved the intro- short and snappy-as i said the whole read is just one brilliant romp and most entertaining - I can see why it is ranked 5 at this moment- well deserved-
when you wrote about Mrs sydney at the start and how you are hauled off the the principle's office-
it reminds me of chapter 12 in mine- well somewhat-

good luck- yours will be published- have faith and start lighting the candles- it will work-

tom bye dublin ireland
book
from hugs to kisses'

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Tom Bye wrote 409 days ago

Hello David-
book -A true thug Wilsin-

After reading almost all of this brilliant gangster book- well 14 chapters and scan read some mere-
I can honestly say that it is just electric; It'a a rollarcoaster ride from start to finish- the prose and dialogue so smart and witty the read just jumps out of the screen- A page turner if ever there was one-

True saying - sell your soul to that devil man, and he controls- that's for sure- the world is full of the sons of Satan-

love the cover depicting the palace and loved the intro- short and snappy-as i said the whole read is just one brilliant romp and most entertaining - I can see why it is ranked 5 at this moment- well deserved-
when you wrote about Mrs sydney at the start and how you are hauled off the the principle's office-
it reminds me of chapter 12 in mine- well somewhat-

good luck- yours will be published- have faith and start lighting the candles- it will work-

tom bye dublin ireland
book
from hugs to kisses'

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A True Thug Willsin

David Ware

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