Book Jacket

 

rank 4277
word count 64056
date submitted 19.01.2012
date updated 06.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy, Young Ad...
classification: universal
complete

Awakening

Apryl Baker

Snap...crackle...pop. The sounds of bones breaking and shifting and of muscles tearing haunt Alexandria Reed.

 

For the last five years, Alex has been locked up at Compton Academy, a "school" for the emotionally challenged. She calls it the politically correct way of saying they’re all nuts and Alex has no doubts she’s insane. She comes home to Jacob's Fork to face the demons she left behind her after deceiving the doctors into believing she’s well. Soon after her arrival home though, news of her estranged mother's death brings her uncle back into her life and she and her brother, Jason, learn a terrifying secret about their family.


After questioning her sanity for the last ten years, she discovers the night terrors she's suffered for so long has become a reality. She and her brother are now being hunted because of the secret her family has killed to protect. Her world has been turned upside down, every belief she held true destroyed. Aided by her new friends, who have some dark secrets themselves, can she and Jason survive long enough to figure out the secret behind the secret?


Awakening is the first book in the series Bloodlines

 
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tags

, faire, fairies, fey, high school, mystery, paranormal, paranormal romance, romance, teen romance, teens, thriller, vampires, weres, werewolves, wicc...

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37

Chapter Thirty Seven

 

I blink, feeling the car stop.  I must have dozed off.  The car door opens and I look up to see the man holding out a hand to me.

“Careful of the gravel,” he warns, grasping my hand and pulling me out of the car.

I gasp.  The moment he touches me the buzzing in my ears stop and the crawly feeling on my skin disappears.  I haven’t felt like this since my magic awoke.  His touch soothes it away.

He smiles down at me, his eyes full of shock and wonder.

“How?” I whisper.

“I’ll explain later.  We must go inside now, but your friend must wait out here.”

“My…friend?”

He nods behind me and I turned to see Connor standing by his brother’s car.  I frown.  What is Conner doing here?  Wait.  What am I doing here?

“Alex, are you okay?” Connor asks, taking a step closer.  “I followed you guys here when you wouldn’t answer me.  I thought you might be in trouble.”

“No,” the man holds up his hand, halting Connor’s steps.  “You will stay here.”  Power radiates from his voice.  Conner blinks and nods.  It is similar to what Uncle Sabien had done to my father the night my magic came roaring to life.  He’d told him to go to bed.  Now this man has kept Josh from moving.

“I…” What’s going on?  How did I get here?  Why am I with the psycho guy from the mall?  Ohh, this can’t be at all good.
 
    “Do not be afraid, little one,” the man soothes.  “All is well.”

“Who are you?”

“I am Nathaniel Winters.”

I don’t understand what is going on.  My head is all fuzzy.

“Alex, Devon is on his way,” Conner tells me softly, the strain evident in his voice.  He must be fighting whatever hold Nathaniel has on him.  “I called him on the way here.”

“Devon?” I whisper.  I look around and recognize the house.  We are at the old Monroe House.  It had been abandoned in the early 1920’s.

“It will do him no good to come here,” I hear Nathaniel say and try to focus on what he is talking about.  “She belongs to us—to me.  Come, little one, we must hurry.  Let’s go inside.”

I nod.  Yes, we should go inside.  He pulls me along up the porch steps and I vaguely hear him order Connor not to come inside.

He leads me into the foyer and then to the right.  It looks to be a large room, maybe a sitting area.  There are other people there as well, watching me.  Their faces are full of some emotion I can’t define.  They almost look…hungry.  It scares me.  I take an instinctive step closer to Nathaniel.  I feel safe with him.  Why I don’t know.  But I do.  Crap.  What is it with me feeling safe with the most dangerous people?  I must be more screwed up in the head than even I realize.

“You have done well, little brother.”   

The woman who spoke looks young as well.  She can’t have been more than twenty-five or so.  Long red hair frames a lovely face with beautiful ivory skin and blue eyes.  She looks like an angel.  Her smile, meant to be welcoming, puts me on edge.  There is something almost feral about her.  Her eyes, I decide.  Predatory eyes.  They remind me of the look in the Werecats eyes right before they attacked me.

Attack!  Oh no!  My mind clears enough to remember that Nathaniel came to the mall yesterday with some friends to attack me.  And what did little ol’ moi do?  I let him lead me, pretty as you please, into a trap.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I need Morgan.  He’d take care of everything.  I just need to stay alive until he got here.

Morgan?

There is no answer.  I can’t find him, can’t feel him.  Panic hits me hard.  My stomach knots up and bile rose in my throat as fear races along my veins.  The wolf in me tries to surface, but something keeps her at bay, sleeping.  This is bad.  Very, very, bad.

“No,” the woman smiles at me.  “There will be no help coming for you.  I made sure of that.  You have been cut off from your mate, your compagnon d'âme.  The potion you drank at the dance did the trick.  You made it so easy for us, sweetling.  So trusting you are.  A true lamb to the slaughter.”

Potion?  I didn’t drink any….oh, crap!  The drink Tom brought me.  I remember how bitter it tasted.  Right after that I got sick and went outside and found Nathaniel waiting for me.  Crap, crap, crap!

“No,” Nathaniel shakes his head at his sister.  “There will be no slaughter this night, Lorelye.”

“We need her power, Nathaniel.  There is only one way to get it.”

“I’ll never let you harm her, Lorelye,” Nathaniel says, his voice hard and full of power.  It lashes out at his sister.

“What is this, little brother?  How do you think we are to gain her power?  It lies in her blood.  In order for us to absorb it, we need her blood.”

“She’ll become one of us, but we won’t harm her.”

Lorelye narrows her eyes at her brother before smiling at him.  “You always were the weakest of us, Nathaniel.  It is of no matter.  I will have her power.”

“I won’t let you hurt her.”  He pushes me behind his back.  “She is my compliment.”

“What?” Lorelye shrieks.  “It’s not possible!”

“But it is.  Her touch soothes the burning in my blood as mine does hers.  It’s a sacred bond protected by the ancient laws.”

“You’re lying!”

He takes up a defensive position in front of me, his feet braced apart.

What the crap?  Why does he want to protect me now?  And what is all this nonsense about compliments? 

Lorelye’s eyes burn with rage as she stares at her brother. 

“It doesn’t matter,” she tells him calmly.  “Her power will be mine.  If I have to kill you to get it, so be it.  Mother will be disappointed, of course, but she’ll understand.”

“I’m sure she’ll understand that you tried to kill me once I explain to her that you wanted to destroy my compliment.”

“You’re assuming you’re going to live that long.”

“Aye.”

Lorelye smiles wickedly.  “Let’s see what you have, little brother.”

“You first.”

My eyes widen at the power levels rising in the room.  I can feel it burst over my skin and I’m standing directly in its path.  Oh, crap.  Devon’s coming, I remind myself.  Connor said Devon is coming.  He’ll have Morgan with him.  I feel myself panic again as I reach out to Morgan and feel only emptiness.  They will be here soon. 

But would it be before these two crazies destroy each other or me?

 

Chapters

37

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Jehmka wrote 375 days ago

Apryl,
Awakening was a shocking surprise for me. How is it that a book, this well-written, can be so poorly neglected by authonomy readers? I have just finished sampling two other books, ranked among the top 100, which I could not in all good conscience back.

OK… Now that I got the rant out of my way…

Awaking is compelling.
The writing is clean and crisp, with a contemporary feel. “I taste blood as I stare into hell.” There's a good balance between narrative and dialogue throughout, both of which are convincing. It’s easy to read, and kept me continuously engaged. I immediately liked Alex Reed. She brought to mind Susanna Kaysen, the MC in Girl Interrupted.

I can’t leave anything un-nitpicked though.
“Very weird.” I have a tendency to do this in my writing too – adding these little bits of telling. “Very bizarre.” I would delete these and see how it reads, see if you lose anything. I don't think they're needed.

““Long story.” I shift in my seat. It isn’t something I want to go into. I don’t know Saidie well enough to spill my secrets. It’s a miracle…” It feels to me like you're saying too much here, spoon-feeding the reader – telling.

That’s it! That’s all I could find to complain about.

I give Awakening the full six stars. I’ll certainly recommend it to others too.

Philthy wrote 392 days ago

Hi Apryl,
I’m here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions so take them for whatever they’re worth and feel free to disregard what you don’t agree with.
Chapter One
Great opening-line hook.
“Just calm down.” If you mutter it, I think it ought to be in quotes.
Not sure “looms” is the best word there. It makes it sound like it appears out of thin air.
“behind those doors almost as bad as the storm…” I’d add “is” after “almost” to avoid fragmenting.
“overheard” should be “overhead”
Your language is very strong and you have a great sense of building tension. I think at times you get excessively wordy, however. Sometimes it seems like you’re trying to add to the drama, but in reality, the extra wordiness has the opposite effect. It also steers you sometimes more toward telling as opposed to showing. For instance, “But that person is gone, I remind myself forcefully.” How does the MC remind him/herself forcefully? That’s kind of vague. Instead, show us an action or expression so we can see the MC reminding himself in a forceful manner.
Otherwise, this is a great start. You have a great YA voice and strong dialogue, which makes for solid characterization. A likeable MC, too. I can see this doing well here.
Best of luck!
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Edwin P. Magezi wrote 414 days ago

This is intriguing. It has a strong narrative voice in Alex. I loved the way you described your characters, very vivid and almost personal.
The prose is clean as far as my untrained eyes can see and I barely found any errors to nitpick.

Chapter 1
-> She just looks way to perky -- (too)

You should start campaigning for your book to get it noticed. I'm sure it will pick up backings from the YA writers and more.

Highly rated and will keep it on my w/l till I have space to shelve it.

Edwin - The First Oath.

Oriax wrote 443 days ago

Apryl,
This isn’t my usual kind of read, but I’ve enjoyed the story so far. You have a very fluid style and a great sense of detail. I’m not sure about the opening, I’d be tempted to go straight into chapter one. The prologue just tells us vaguely what we are going to find out in the first chapter anyway. I’d change the word eulogy to epitaph, since she isn’t really giving herself praise.
I like the way you have the storm mirror Alex’s mood. Your descriptions of the new people Alex meets are extremely well done. I have very definite pictures of all of them.
The pace of the story is good too, keeping the background until chapter three so it doesn’t hinder the action. You hint at The Event and Alex’s breakdown, without giving away the details. You then make the transition to a dreamlike sequence with Alex as a big predator, which is clever in that we assume this is something to do with her problems of rage control. Maybe also the mysterious event.
The only thing that didn’t work particularly well for me was all the exchanges with the three boys. There’s a bit too much staring going on and shivers up and down the spine for me. Add the unique eye colours, blue-black hair and you’re heading a bit too close to cliché.

You write very well, the story is appealing and well-paced, with a strong hint of mystery and fantasy. There’s a strong budding romance too, and the threat of the bully from the past bringing Alex’s nightmares back to the surface again.
Well done. I’ve given this five stars and think it will do extremely well with its target audience.
Jane

Shelby Z. wrote 455 days ago

I read to 25 and boy has it gotten crazy.
I not normally do I care fore these types of stories, but there is something about it I like.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 457 days ago

Read to chapter 9.
You have a great style to develop your story and characters.
I want to read some more later.
Good luck.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

katjay wrote 457 days ago

Awakening
Hi Apryl
Sorry to be late getting back to you – I’ve busy editing. Have just read the first few chapters of Awakening and I’m impressed. You have an easy, natural writing style. Some fine, descriptive passages and the dialogue is natural and totally suited to the setting and your target market. Alex is an engaging MC and it’s great to see her overcome her doubts and fears. I loved it when she first stood up to Janna: ‘Then again, if I had been in a psycho ward all these years, making me angry might not be the brightest idea, either.’ Well done!
Kat x Hens from Hell

Marisa Elyse wrote 459 days ago

Reading your first few chapters, I did connect with your MC. Your writing is good and descriptive, haunting if I were to describe it. Seeing as how this is a YA Romance story, I expected the almost instant connection between the MC and the guy, so be careful of not making it too cliche.

Also, be careful of info dumps when it comes to explaining something. The tiny bit before the beginning of the first chapter was really good and set the tone of the story, but I think you can ax the whole 'I am MC, and this is my story', since we'll find out it's her story when the first chapter starts.

Besides those quirks, I do find the story you have interesting, and will look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Cheers,
Marisa
Tower of Paradise

Marisa Elyse wrote 459 days ago

Reading your first few chapters, I did connect with your MC. Your writing is good and descriptive, haunting if I were to describe it. Seeing as how this is a YA Romance story, I expected the almost instant connection between the MC and the guy, so be careful of not making it too cliche.

Also, be careful of info dumps when it comes to explaining something. The tiny bit before the beginning of the first chapter was really good and set the tone of the story, but I think you can ax the whole 'I am MC, and this is my story', since we'll find out it's her story when the first chapter starts.

Besides those quirks, I do find the story you have interesting, and will look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Cheers,
Marisa
Tower of Paradise

Shelby Z. wrote 461 days ago

I read just chapter one, but I fine it really interesting. The way you put it in first person is really creative. It makes the reader feel all your main character does.
It moves at an easy pace here, but that is good since it is to introduce things to to the reader.
You really did a good job here.
Great work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Dianna Lanser wrote 468 days ago

Apryl,

I too read the first three chapters of your book. I am very impressed at your writing style and your abilty to bring your characters to life. Very easy and enjoyable reading. I especially was aware of the gift you have of describing people, especially their eyes - unique words and colors. Alex seems like a strong girl despite her difficult past, but she has a suportive family to help her through. I believe you have built the background story very nicely and to tell you the truth, I don't want to stop reading but I have to go my daughter's Valentine Party at school. Six stars and I'll be back to read more.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 483 days ago

Dear Apryl

I have read the first three chapters of "Awakening" which is a well observed tale, perfectly pitched for your YA audience. Your writing is very clear, vivid and easy to get along with. Many of the references pass me by, but that hardly matters: a great read.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Dilettante wrote 488 days ago

Well written, and an engaging main character. This is a good story. Well done, Backed and recommended.

Lenny H wrote 489 days ago

On my WL

Wavy3 wrote 489 days ago

Wow, your writing style is impressive. It's very haunting, and reflects the tone beautifully. The opening scene really drew me in, and then when the first chapter started it had the same feel of just jumping straight into the story. You hint at a background, but don't throw it in our faces, which makes me want to read on.

ozhm wrote 489 days ago

Fantasy and YA wouldn’t necessarily be my first choice, but this is compelling. The reality of everyday teen concerns balances the fantasy angle so well that I accepted the whole without a blink.

I like the short pitch, but I wonder if the long pitch is could be tightened somehow. You’ve given us what amounts to a précis, and I’m not sure whether hints might be better than spelling it out. Breaking it up into short paras would help too, I think.

Alex is a great MC. I’m drawn into her life immediately, her hopes and fears are completely believable and you’ve revealed her circumstances and back-story at very satisfying pace.

I’m also impressed with your writing and style. On a sentence level, (sorry, very nit-picky!) there are a few typos etc, but I’m sure you’ll sort them out on the next edit. The same applies to your use of tense. I like the idea of using past and present as you have, but you may need to check that you haven’t slipped from one to the other where you shouldn’t have.

Good luck with it. It deserves support.
Helen Meikle
Six Weeks in Summer.

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