Book Jacket

 

rank 4277
word count 64056
date submitted 19.01.2012
date updated 06.03.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy, Young Ad...
classification: universal
complete

Awakening

Apryl Baker

Snap...crackle...pop. The sounds of bones breaking and shifting and of muscles tearing haunt Alexandria Reed.

 

For the last five years, Alex has been locked up at Compton Academy, a "school" for the emotionally challenged. She calls it the politically correct way of saying they’re all nuts and Alex has no doubts she’s insane. She comes home to Jacob's Fork to face the demons she left behind her after deceiving the doctors into believing she’s well. Soon after her arrival home though, news of her estranged mother's death brings her uncle back into her life and she and her brother, Jason, learn a terrifying secret about their family.


After questioning her sanity for the last ten years, she discovers the night terrors she's suffered for so long has become a reality. She and her brother are now being hunted because of the secret her family has killed to protect. Her world has been turned upside down, every belief she held true destroyed. Aided by her new friends, who have some dark secrets themselves, can she and Jason survive long enough to figure out the secret behind the secret?


Awakening is the first book in the series Bloodlines

 
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tags

, faire, fairies, fey, high school, mystery, paranormal, paranormal romance, romance, teen romance, teens, thriller, vampires, weres, werewolves, wicc...

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Chapters

40

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Chapter Forty

 

    I can see Tom pacing in front of the gym when we pull into the parking lot.  His head swivels in our direction as soon as he hears the engines.  Thanks to my improved night vision, I can see his face clearly even in the dark.  And boy does he look pissed.

    “You up for this?” Connor asks

    “No, not really,” I sigh and get out of the car, trying to remember the story we came up on the way back. 

    “Where the hell have you been?” Tom shouts as soon as he reaches me.  “Do you know how worried I’ve been?”

    I wince.  Yup, he’s good and mad.

    “She came to get me,” Connor drags himself out of the car. 

Good Lord, Connor looked awful.  His lip’s busted, he has a black eye, and a small cut on his left cheek.  He’s a mess, but then again, so is everyone else.  They’d had to fight their way inside to get to me.  They are all bloodied and bruised, including Devon.  He doesn’t look nearly as bad as the rest of them thanks to the blood he’d ingested, but there is still some bruising visible. 

“When I came out to get some air I saw some of the guys from the Ieager team fighting with Connor,” I said.  “They threw him in a car and I jumped into his brother’s car to follow them.”

“You did what?” Tom explodes.  “Do you have any idea how dangerous that was?”

“Jason and Devon have already yelled at me, Tom,” I glare, getting angry.  Yeah, I know he’s mad, but still, he has no right to yell at me.  I’ve been through enough tonight.  “Can I finish?”

He nods, tight-lipped. 

“I called…”

“You called Cameron?” he bites out, glaring at Devon and me both. 

I so do not need this.

“No, I didn’t call Devon.  I called my brother.”

“Then how the hell did he end up with you, Alex?” Tom stalks closer, pressing me backwards into the car.  Devon lets out a low snarl, but I see Jason put a restraining hand on him. 

“He was standing next to Jason when I called,” I snap.  “He came with Jason.”  He doesn’t look like he believes me. 

“Why didn’t you call me, Alex?” he demands, leaning closer.

The wolf rises up and growls in response to the challenge.  He blinks.  I close my eyes and force her back.  No way can he see my eyes glowing amber. 

“My phone died.

“Don’t lie to me, Alex,” he yells.  “You charge that thing religiously.”

Thank you God for small miracles, I breathe a prayer of thanks. I really had forgotten to charge my phone last night.  I push Tom away from me and fish my phone out of my dress. Yeah, I know, not the best of places to put a phone, but hey.  There had been no way I was leaving it in my purse after the incident at the mall with Nathaniel.  Uh-uh.

“Here, look.”  I throw the phone at him.  “It’s dead.”

He catches it and looks down.  The first looks of uncertainty cross his face.  “I thought you…”

“That I’d what?  Run off with Devon or something?” I yell at him.  Make him out to be the one in the wrong, my wolf growls in agreement.  Jason always says the best defense was a good offensive.  “Do you really think so little of me?” I ask.  “How could you believe I’d do that to you?”

“Alex…I,” he pauses and takes another look at the boys.  It’s plain as day they’ve been in a fight.  He can’t doubt that.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions.  It’s just that when both of you went missing…”

“You know, Tom, I’m really not in the mood for your jealousy.”  I storm around to the driver’s side of the car.  “Jason, find your own way home.” 

As soon as I am out of sight of the school, the panic I’ve been keeping at bay by focusing on everything else hits full force.  My mind whirls with images of the fight, of Devon dying on the ground, of Lorelye being consumed by fire.  Thankfully, I only live ten minutes away.  Any longer than that and I might not have made it before I broke down.  As it is, I barely make it to the bathroom. 

Locking the door, I turn on the shower.  I pull off the dress and step under the hot water.  It scalds me, but I pay it no mind.  I keep seeing Lorelye’s face as the fire came at her, hearing her screams as she was burned alive.  I had done that to her.  Me.  I killed her.  No matter how much I scrub my hands, I can’t seem to get them clean.  The fire that killed her came from me, from my hands.  They will never be clean.

When the water runs cold, I step out and pull on my robe

“Sis?” Jason knocks softly on the door.  “Are you okay?”

“Fine, Jason,” I whisper back.  Neither of us wants to wake Dad.  I’d seen him asleep on the couch when I came in

“I know you’re fine,” he whispers, “but are you okay?”

Jason knows me well enough to know I’m not fine no matter what I say.

“No,” I sigh, “but I will be.  I just need to be alone for a while, ‘kay?”

“I’ll be in my room if you need me,” he calls and I hear him move away from the door down to his own room.  When his door closes, I look at myself in the mirror.  I sure as certain don’t look fine.

My eyes are black and hollow, filled with the horror of what I’ve done.  Her face torments me.  I can still see her fear, her pain as she burned.  Nausea overtakes me and I barely make it to the toilet before I start throwing up.  Hot bile burns my throat just as I’d burned her to death.  I…killed…her. 

Bess, I’m coming.  Get to your room. 

I creep to my bedroom and change into my pajamas.  I’m shaking so hard by the time I crawl into the bed I think I’ll literally break into pieces.  I killed her.  Dear God, I killed her.

Morgan let himself in through the window.  He piles onto the bed and wraps his body around mine.  I’m not alone anymore.  I’ll never be alone again as long as I have Morgan.  Turning over, I bury my face in his chest and cry until there’s nothing left. 

“Shh, shh,” he whispers, stroking my hair.  “It’s okay, Bessie Mae.  I’m here.”

I killed her, Morgan.  I killed her.  Oh God…

You had to, Bess.  She would have killed Devon and maybe all of us.  You didn’t have a choice.

I can see her face, Morgan.  Every time I close my eyes I see it.

I know, Bess.  I see it too.

He pulls me closer, his warmth melting some of the chill that I can’t seem to shake.  What would I do without Morgan?

You’ll never have to know, Bess.  He starts to rub slow circles into my back.  I was so scared earlier when I couldn’t feel you. 

It felt like I couldn’t breath, I tell him, remembering the panic.  When I couldn’t find you…

You’re okay now, you’re safe. 

Lorelye’s face swims up in front of my eyes.  Her eyes glare at me, in accusation.  I can smell her skin as it burns, hear her screams.

Her face, Morgan...Sweet Jesus, I killed her.

I’m here, Bess.  It’s okay.  We’ll get through this, I promise.  Just try and sleep. 

Tears well up again.  Please, God, I beg.  Help me get through this.  Please.

I fall asleep breathing in the scent of wet dirt and honeysuckle and the sound of Lorelye’s screams.

 

 

 

Chapters

40

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Jehmka wrote 375 days ago

Apryl,
Awakening was a shocking surprise for me. How is it that a book, this well-written, can be so poorly neglected by authonomy readers? I have just finished sampling two other books, ranked among the top 100, which I could not in all good conscience back.

OK… Now that I got the rant out of my way…

Awaking is compelling.
The writing is clean and crisp, with a contemporary feel. “I taste blood as I stare into hell.” There's a good balance between narrative and dialogue throughout, both of which are convincing. It’s easy to read, and kept me continuously engaged. I immediately liked Alex Reed. She brought to mind Susanna Kaysen, the MC in Girl Interrupted.

I can’t leave anything un-nitpicked though.
“Very weird.” I have a tendency to do this in my writing too – adding these little bits of telling. “Very bizarre.” I would delete these and see how it reads, see if you lose anything. I don't think they're needed.

““Long story.” I shift in my seat. It isn’t something I want to go into. I don’t know Saidie well enough to spill my secrets. It’s a miracle…” It feels to me like you're saying too much here, spoon-feeding the reader – telling.

That’s it! That’s all I could find to complain about.

I give Awakening the full six stars. I’ll certainly recommend it to others too.

Philthy wrote 392 days ago

Hi Apryl,
I’m here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions so take them for whatever they’re worth and feel free to disregard what you don’t agree with.
Chapter One
Great opening-line hook.
“Just calm down.” If you mutter it, I think it ought to be in quotes.
Not sure “looms” is the best word there. It makes it sound like it appears out of thin air.
“behind those doors almost as bad as the storm…” I’d add “is” after “almost” to avoid fragmenting.
“overheard” should be “overhead”
Your language is very strong and you have a great sense of building tension. I think at times you get excessively wordy, however. Sometimes it seems like you’re trying to add to the drama, but in reality, the extra wordiness has the opposite effect. It also steers you sometimes more toward telling as opposed to showing. For instance, “But that person is gone, I remind myself forcefully.” How does the MC remind him/herself forcefully? That’s kind of vague. Instead, show us an action or expression so we can see the MC reminding himself in a forceful manner.
Otherwise, this is a great start. You have a great YA voice and strong dialogue, which makes for solid characterization. A likeable MC, too. I can see this doing well here.
Best of luck!
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Edwin P. Magezi wrote 414 days ago

This is intriguing. It has a strong narrative voice in Alex. I loved the way you described your characters, very vivid and almost personal.
The prose is clean as far as my untrained eyes can see and I barely found any errors to nitpick.

Chapter 1
-> She just looks way to perky -- (too)

You should start campaigning for your book to get it noticed. I'm sure it will pick up backings from the YA writers and more.

Highly rated and will keep it on my w/l till I have space to shelve it.

Edwin - The First Oath.

Oriax wrote 443 days ago

Apryl,
This isn’t my usual kind of read, but I’ve enjoyed the story so far. You have a very fluid style and a great sense of detail. I’m not sure about the opening, I’d be tempted to go straight into chapter one. The prologue just tells us vaguely what we are going to find out in the first chapter anyway. I’d change the word eulogy to epitaph, since she isn’t really giving herself praise.
I like the way you have the storm mirror Alex’s mood. Your descriptions of the new people Alex meets are extremely well done. I have very definite pictures of all of them.
The pace of the story is good too, keeping the background until chapter three so it doesn’t hinder the action. You hint at The Event and Alex’s breakdown, without giving away the details. You then make the transition to a dreamlike sequence with Alex as a big predator, which is clever in that we assume this is something to do with her problems of rage control. Maybe also the mysterious event.
The only thing that didn’t work particularly well for me was all the exchanges with the three boys. There’s a bit too much staring going on and shivers up and down the spine for me. Add the unique eye colours, blue-black hair and you’re heading a bit too close to cliché.

You write very well, the story is appealing and well-paced, with a strong hint of mystery and fantasy. There’s a strong budding romance too, and the threat of the bully from the past bringing Alex’s nightmares back to the surface again.
Well done. I’ve given this five stars and think it will do extremely well with its target audience.
Jane

Shelby Z. wrote 455 days ago

I read to 25 and boy has it gotten crazy.
I not normally do I care fore these types of stories, but there is something about it I like.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 457 days ago

Read to chapter 9.
You have a great style to develop your story and characters.
I want to read some more later.
Good luck.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

katjay wrote 457 days ago

Awakening
Hi Apryl
Sorry to be late getting back to you – I’ve busy editing. Have just read the first few chapters of Awakening and I’m impressed. You have an easy, natural writing style. Some fine, descriptive passages and the dialogue is natural and totally suited to the setting and your target market. Alex is an engaging MC and it’s great to see her overcome her doubts and fears. I loved it when she first stood up to Janna: ‘Then again, if I had been in a psycho ward all these years, making me angry might not be the brightest idea, either.’ Well done!
Kat x Hens from Hell

Marisa Elyse wrote 459 days ago

Reading your first few chapters, I did connect with your MC. Your writing is good and descriptive, haunting if I were to describe it. Seeing as how this is a YA Romance story, I expected the almost instant connection between the MC and the guy, so be careful of not making it too cliche.

Also, be careful of info dumps when it comes to explaining something. The tiny bit before the beginning of the first chapter was really good and set the tone of the story, but I think you can ax the whole 'I am MC, and this is my story', since we'll find out it's her story when the first chapter starts.

Besides those quirks, I do find the story you have interesting, and will look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Cheers,
Marisa
Tower of Paradise

Marisa Elyse wrote 459 days ago

Reading your first few chapters, I did connect with your MC. Your writing is good and descriptive, haunting if I were to describe it. Seeing as how this is a YA Romance story, I expected the almost instant connection between the MC and the guy, so be careful of not making it too cliche.

Also, be careful of info dumps when it comes to explaining something. The tiny bit before the beginning of the first chapter was really good and set the tone of the story, but I think you can ax the whole 'I am MC, and this is my story', since we'll find out it's her story when the first chapter starts.

Besides those quirks, I do find the story you have interesting, and will look forward to reading more from you in the future.

Cheers,
Marisa
Tower of Paradise

Shelby Z. wrote 461 days ago

I read just chapter one, but I fine it really interesting. The way you put it in first person is really creative. It makes the reader feel all your main character does.
It moves at an easy pace here, but that is good since it is to introduce things to to the reader.
You really did a good job here.
Great work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Dianna Lanser wrote 468 days ago

Apryl,

I too read the first three chapters of your book. I am very impressed at your writing style and your abilty to bring your characters to life. Very easy and enjoyable reading. I especially was aware of the gift you have of describing people, especially their eyes - unique words and colors. Alex seems like a strong girl despite her difficult past, but she has a suportive family to help her through. I believe you have built the background story very nicely and to tell you the truth, I don't want to stop reading but I have to go my daughter's Valentine Party at school. Six stars and I'll be back to read more.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 483 days ago

Dear Apryl

I have read the first three chapters of "Awakening" which is a well observed tale, perfectly pitched for your YA audience. Your writing is very clear, vivid and easy to get along with. Many of the references pass me by, but that hardly matters: a great read.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

Dilettante wrote 488 days ago

Well written, and an engaging main character. This is a good story. Well done, Backed and recommended.

Lenny H wrote 489 days ago

On my WL

Wavy3 wrote 489 days ago

Wow, your writing style is impressive. It's very haunting, and reflects the tone beautifully. The opening scene really drew me in, and then when the first chapter started it had the same feel of just jumping straight into the story. You hint at a background, but don't throw it in our faces, which makes me want to read on.

ozhm wrote 490 days ago

Fantasy and YA wouldn’t necessarily be my first choice, but this is compelling. The reality of everyday teen concerns balances the fantasy angle so well that I accepted the whole without a blink.

I like the short pitch, but I wonder if the long pitch is could be tightened somehow. You’ve given us what amounts to a précis, and I’m not sure whether hints might be better than spelling it out. Breaking it up into short paras would help too, I think.

Alex is a great MC. I’m drawn into her life immediately, her hopes and fears are completely believable and you’ve revealed her circumstances and back-story at very satisfying pace.

I’m also impressed with your writing and style. On a sentence level, (sorry, very nit-picky!) there are a few typos etc, but I’m sure you’ll sort them out on the next edit. The same applies to your use of tense. I like the idea of using past and present as you have, but you may need to check that you haven’t slipped from one to the other where you shouldn’t have.

Good luck with it. It deserves support.
Helen Meikle
Six Weeks in Summer.

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